Today I remembered my first friend,
he said I was anti-social,
I explained I'm just extraordinarily shy,
it hurts to open up...
like a fatal wound sometimes.

*We were vague but my wounds cut deep into my present.

Today I realized nothing can hold me down,
not even love since I deserve the frown,
now and never is a great time,
I hope I didn't play with your heart like a crime,
I didn't even realize my poker face and empty heart.

I would pretend I never met you,
as I meet someone new,
I'm buried in lies,
yet people seem to admire the fire in my eyes,
at my worst I feel nothing not even love.

I disappear like the fog that vanishes then appears,
those dry eyes won't leak any tears,
not tonight,
just hold myself tight,
I've got me and me alone forever and always.

You were my own blood,
yet you kept my face in the mud,
I grew to hate myself,
just like a bad item on the shelf,
ashamed and running away in my mind every day...

How could our blood be so different?
Made me feel indifferent,
I broke like a mirror into three,
if you know all of them you would flee.
Oh how I craved your wrath.

You pay me like you would a slave,
my sum of $10 a month thinking I won't misbehave,
I am the shadow of your existence.
Although you created the distance,
It's over now your thin blood explains it all.

All the world's a stage
as I age without a wage,
In all my rage
I realize I'm in a cage,
I fail to turn the page.

Another day lost in this reality
arrested only by morality,
have I gone too far?
Time makes another scar,
deep and infected.

My vitality is only clouded by you,
driving again with no destination again...
Wanting to be part of something new.
I'm given another cue,
flawless and without hesitation I continue,
on this strange play called LIFE.

I'm drowning in the regret of yesterday,
suffocating in the present,
strangled by the future.
I'm frozen in time,
no feelings and no colors.

To be numb is to be dumb,
I'd rather be a ***.
I feel something and nothing,
the pulse of pain and pleasure,
it lasts forever.

It's strange to be "alive" in a reality,
I could be dead and not know it,
I'm a dark artist who shines brightest at night!
I pretend to be a knight,
yet I'm a dark knight and no one can see **ME

A number so symbolic,
13
I frolic with the past,
I have a blast!
How can one number torture me so harshly!?

Anywhere I go I instill fear,
I sneer at the thought.
I look into my magic sphere...
and nothing is ever clear but one thing.
**13!

I have the hardest of hearts,
love does not exist in these parts...
there are no new starts.
I reside in a realm of guilt,
this is where I wilt.

I know thyself,
I have flaws.
My kingdom has fatal laws.
Run!  For I am no hero!
I am prince of endless solitude!

A heart so dark,
no one can start the spark...
Hearts galore in my jar of hearts.
Perpetual darkness ensues,
for there lies a black hole in my heart!

I'm a walking dead man,
a zombie crawling through existence...
What is life after all?
Honesty makes people cringe.

Life is a roller coaster we ride in the dark,
no one gets a walk in the park.
A war in our mind filled with hate,
the  unknown never ceases to wind our fate.

We all have one sure destiny,
DEATH.
Born to die but don't cry,
just don't ask why.

I am only a thought,
a name,
a figment of your imagination,
thank you for letting me exist.
~Ito~

There once was a tree of hope,
all people did was mope to cope.
No one changed...
chaos and insanity ensued our souls
and we took our roles.

One took the role of martyr,
another chose be the darter
and the last chose to be the barter.
SHE chose to trade my soul for false love.
My melody only resonates suffering.

I was the martyr by choice,
sadly I had no voice.
Every day I roamed the night,
I did it all out of spite...
one day you will see the fight.

Rotting* flesh in the night,
your eyes resonate a dead light,
Your soul vanishes at the sight!
The scars in your black heart will never mend.
The venom you inject through your friend,
turns into a trend.

Love converts to hate,
false innocence turns to vengeance,
beauty fathoms conscience,
purity transforms to perversity,
after all it's only diversity.
As the suns flee you run into Hell's Arms.

***, drugs and lies are still cool while you're dead too!
Pleasure is the harbinger of eternal pain,
forsaken ever since birth...
your predestined soul now has initials and a stain,
The Devil got cheated with your worthless soul,
unquenchable thirst for victory.

No longer in control of your will!
A high bill that takes skill!
Well you longed for it now bawl!
Crawl as you continue to fall!
Death is the prize!

No rest for the wicked,
no rest for the insane,
no rest for the haunted.
Only the dead rest.

This world belongs to the Devil...
How do I know?
Do you want to meet him?
Just stare at the eternal emptiness in my eyes...
he surely visits often.

When I am frail and weak,
will you still care for me as you speak?
I doubt it!
My sisters took a hit!
Everyone tries to believe in true love.

When I'm insane and wreckless,
I hope you can guess...
you won't know what I mean,
it's in that one gene.
Trapped into existence because of genetics.

I hate you but I feel so much passion,
I wish your love was a ration,
you give out way too much sometimes,
it makes me guilty of many crimes.
Will you care for this fail and weak soul?

Photos are fragments of time,
never meant to exist,
parables of the past become a talk.
Do you get the gist?

A sorrowful and joyful experience,
as you gaze at your life,
from another view.
We're all animals in a cage,
clueless and content.

In our fragile existence,
one thing is secure:
A mark in time at our final hour.

You promised you would never become them.
The ones who hurt us the most,
now all you do is boast.
I guess you kept the promise...
you were the worst of them all!

Every day you kicked us out,
I wandered all night without a doubt...
the streets were warmer, quieter and safer.
Your whispers shouldn't be so deafening,
your stare filled with hate after taking us in.

One night you confessed to me a horror,
I never wanted to play the Priest!
Your twisted mind called us all The Beast!
You call it love but you only leak rage,
used to your abuse I became numb in your cage.

Switching family for strangers,
trading safety for new dangers,
I lost my mind too many times to care,
after all its only fair,
drown in your despair.

When tears burn but you touch your heart...
and there's no pulse.
Is this the end or a new start?
No longer with any impulse.
Numb and thoughtless I fall apart.

Those whispers are just me yelling.
You should know for every truth there is a lie,
My sight is always rebelling.
The one who never cares is the first to die,
I will watch my own demise.

Impending doom never felt so good,
an existence without purpose or joy,
take a chance to get back in those chains like you should,
money or starvation there's no in between poor boy,
just a common counterfeit more than I am understood.

Winter stopped hearts in all parts,
cold shoulders topped the charts!
It's as if the world stood still forever,
someone hit the lever.
Water had never been so clever.

Ice, a master of chaos on the roads!
Cars changed into curling stones,
shovels became part of your bones,
animals transformed into statues,
eyes could not shed a tear.

Salt flees from your tears,
thoughts shrouded in fears.
An eternal winter so brutal,
it crystallized people's very existence,
icy souls now reside in Chicago.

There was once a man who enjoyed pain...
As if there was something to gain.
No one cared and he went for the knife.
Pain was all he knew his entire life.

Scars in the flesh & a wounded soul...
Now time has passed and the heart now a black hole.
Any love absorbed never to be returned.
All suitors burned.

Insincere smiles flashed to play the part...
He would never attract his sweetheart.
Always playing new roles against the odds.
A cruel joke in mortal form by the gods.

Since pain was all he knew,
his plans were already in queue.
New victims chosen yearly,
by the end he loved them dearly.
**He treasured his victims who wounds left when provoked.

Lonely but it's alright,
every day sadness falls upon the night,
God is here to listen to my trouble...
He pays attention and guarantees double,
double for your actions and multiplies it for your rebellion.

All is fair until you reach the end,
nothing will mend,
those wrinkles make you turn to stone,
the hourglass never gives you a loan.
*Just more corpses in the ground.

There's a ghost inside me...
apparently I owe a fee,
I've known it since birth,
it's pointless to have a voice for all it's worth.
**Every day I die inside and outside.

My only companion all of these years,
even after all the beers,
through all of the fears,
unheard by any ears...
Has always been music.

Emotions cannot be seen as well as they are felt,
not even with acting can they be given nor dealt,
only you feel what runs through your mind...
after all the pain settles you're left blind.
Love, Hate & Fear are as essential as the breath you take.

And then there are those who cannot love,
not even if it's kind of.
Those who love to hate,
think they're great,
**The cycle repeats until you're back listening to music again.

Family and friends are supposed to have your back.
Yet everyone seems to think you're whack.
The insanity is back...
taking control of you again like crack.
I won't let you ruin another life.  Period.

I'm dying inside and outside.
Yet next month, you're gonna be a bride?!
Really!!!  Destroy our lives twice?
Your heart is colder than ice.
The notice was shorter than your pregnancy.

I tried to be strong for you,
breaking my back while drinking the brew.
I slept away the hours and the days away,
all the while staying away from the fray.
**You are thankful for nothing and grateful for everything.

Tonight without a thought, I ran in the midnight.
Wrong from right was just black and white.
I found reason to be a liar too many times before.
I ignited something too hard to put out, an inferno!
The night grew as long as my life and I was lost...

I became everything I hated and feared,
my name I smeared.
I let myself down by running the town,
More reckless and thoughtless I wore a crown!
The pavement soon turned into a road...

Fell off the highway into a ditch,
I didn't even twitch!
No where to go, I pretend to die.
I knew this was just another lie.
*My shadow caught up to me by morning and I sigh.

Love* is the most powerful force of all...
wars* are created until we fall.
The heart is made of glass,
past love cuts deep into us,
only severed memories remain to discuss.

Love decays in the mind,
maybe we go blind?
Consumed by work we forget the word,
lines between love and hate become blurred.
Only love can escape and bring *death.

Trapped in the routine,
we become mean,
forget about our kin.
Nothing matters until we win.
Final moments become eternal regrets.

Isolated, alone and without a cry,
that is how she chose to die.
Diamond, the dog who did not say bye.
Death may be silent...
but the trail of sorrow is so violent.

As light from the eyes fade,
an all too familiar shade,
even corpses resonate past love,
time helps memories shove,
in our youth we are immortal!

A raven once said "hate doesn't equate direct hate"...
you might just be bait,
could it be your trait?
In this world nothing is guaranteed,
the human race is but another ****!

Another crying child!
No matter!
They arrive in the wild!
Left to fend for themselves in a world unknown...
Just remember they are grown.

The perfect man does not exist,
but he does persist.
I wander the realms of the unknown,
only to find my clone.

I do not exist in this reality.
No one knows me... I have NO mortality!
I break hearts,
I fake arts.

If you want me to vanish,
Banish me again only to punish,
One day I will return the favor,
And then you may ******* bravery.

May your days be as brutal as mine futile,
love is lethal,
love is evil,
**love is everything and nothing.

Galvanized hearts make up my past,
I wandered through perils that passed,
only found dread and despair.
This is my lair,
one of lonely existence.

Care to join on my endless quest of misery?
There's room enough for two!
None will pull the trigger,
to find the barrel empty...
Alas the days wane empty like me.

In this year no one came to my aid,
I even prayed,
I attempted to give away my joy as a trade,
this pain never faded,
shaded by my eyes forever jaded.

I cannot feel pain any longer,
by default I thought this made me stronger.
A lie ingrained by my apathy,
I faded in and out of sanity,
while no longer part of humanity.

Life became so gray,
I began to decay.
A voice told me to just die,
I decided to say bye instead of listening to my cry.
Another year another death soon to come.

Today I write with a heaviness in my heart...
The love I thought so dear was someone just playing the part...
The pictures and moments will always stay within my soul.  The arguments nonexistent, no hate only pain.

Sometimes love can evaporate like alcohol on a deep wound.  The sting as harsh as being put into the cold ground.
Unrequited love is the saddest thing to discover when things are not always in our control.
I could not have aimed for higher goal.
I am not perfect and perhaps my thoughts scared you away...  then again life is a learning process where love hurts.