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 Jul 2018 Illona
Qwn
Every bone in my body aches for a rest,
While my heart begs for closure,
And my mind screams for a break.
My muscles strain under the weight of a thousand glares,
And my lungs are cracking from all their wear.
My arms are going numb,
And my vision's going dark,
My voice has lost its sound,
And my hair is falling out.
I'm dying and I know it,
You just can't see,
So I'm begging you one last time,
Let me go in peace.
 Jul 2018 Illona
Adam Holmstrom
Out of habit I said I was fine
but no one is fine in the dark
speaking to voices
screaming to ghosts
crying to puddles of tears.

No one is fine in the light
with only themselves in sight.
Don't (let others) be alone.
 Jul 2018 Illona
emnabee
The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.
A little escape from the madness.
Or maybe, into.
 Jul 2018 Illona
Anonymous
Home
 Jul 2018 Illona
Anonymous
When she’s gone...
I crave her like the first time I ever laid eyes on her,
I can feel my tongue twisting and forgetting all my words-
A thousand thoughts swirling around my head,
But I still can’t manage to conjure just one
I can feel my body tense,
Begging for her familiarity to wash over me
Like the way soft green hills of the valley
Roll endlessly over one another
Creating a masterpiece that leaves you speechless
When she’s gone,
I crave her
Like an artist craves that one sunset they saw years ago-
Decades later and they’re still trying to recreate a moment
That’s nothing but a memory
Yet they can’t stop, like an itch one can’t find
Because none has compared to that one
When you’re gone...
Things come out all jumbled and backwards
Like “good night” instead of “good morning”
And “I hope you’re having fun” instead of “come home, I miss you”
 Jul 2018 Illona
Shewrites
No one
 Jul 2018 Illona
Shewrites
No one knew
She is hurting

No one knew
She is bleeding

No one knew
She is already
Deep down
Underneath
Drowning
Trapped in
melancholic
Depression

Fear of not belonging
Cast away because
She's uncanny

Frightened of
Another tomorrow
Knowing it's the
Sign of another
Dreadful sorrow
Full of misery
And grief.

Lost, hazed
And confused
Breathing but
Not living
Smiling but
She's dying
Suffocated
Suppressed and
Tormented

Wanting to
Escape but
There's no
Route out

A butterfly
Seized with
A broken wing
Unable to fly.
 Jul 2018 Illona
caitlin
hypocrite
 Jul 2018 Illona
caitlin
i preach about self love
when it’s something i lack
i tell you to hold on
when i’m not sure i can
i comfort your worries
while mine cloud over me
i encourage you to take care of yourself
while i struggle to stand
i teach you to love what you see in the mirror
while i can’t even look into mine
 Jul 2018 Illona
Kayley Godek
My body somehow knows
The grief tomorrow holds.
I ache and throb
But I cannot sob;
The urge to cry
Stings my eyes.
My feet drag heavily
In the depths of this valley.
Every year without fail
I remind myself I am too frail.
"You're strong without the numbers,"
Yet I was too weak to pull you from your slumber.
Each March 22nd
Feels just like the 1st end,
When your heart stopped beating
And mine started bleeding.
I'd skip this whole day
But I'd miss the chance to say:
I miss you, lovely little hurricane.
It's all I can do to keep sane.
The smell of mint
Hurts just a hint.
The skinny jeans and hair bows
I could never disown.
I wear your effect  
On my forearm *****.
The pain of loss is akin
To etching you into my skin.
My hands shake with cold,
Though not as cold as a headstone.
Oh, how my body knows
The grief tomorrow holds.
In Loving Memory of Kelcy Golling.
07/02/1999 - 03/22/2014
 Jul 2018 Illona
Blade Maiden
I take my imaginary pen
I write down my anger
I close my eyes and count to ten
just to breathe a little longer

It's laughable really
when I see you justifying
Sure, you're all touchy-feely
only goodwill, so hard-trying

When you said that to me
where was your heart at?
Why calling me your better-half-to-be
when all you wanted was a shoulder pat?

Oh you, with your wonderful poetry,
oh, lies so beautifully written down
please just stop, you don't know no poverty
in your emerald sea everything you wanted me to believe is to drown

I never thought you would make me think
the worst of you instead
And I swear I could only stand and stare and shrink
when you didn't care to lose your head

Now you haunt me like the headless horseman
and you will forever
but I do not worry for my sanity, oh boy of thoughts turned cyan
I walked with ghosts before and a headless one is so less clever

And if you ever come back looking for this head of yours
Think twice, try a little bit harder wannabe
It might stick out of the sand at your emerald sea shores
Your love for me was never poetry
 Jul 2018 Illona
Morgan Brehilt
Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down
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