Being homesick isn't about being away from home. It's being at home yet still feeling so empty and confused. Because what is home? Home is warmth and love.

You could be at home, yet still feel like everything is crashing down. You could be away from home, and feel like you're having the time of your life. You could be lying on your couch, idly watching everything and everyone as they pass by. Mindlessly active, totally passive.

Or maybe you're just homesick.

Today, I tried to comfort my 13 year-old self,
But there was nobody there, nobody listening.

It's so cold over there,
So lifeless and sad.
And come to think of it,
I'd rather be mad.

She cries in the middle of the night, hoping one day things would be different.
Then wonders "what if" and suddenly she's indifferent.
And there's nobody there, nobody listening.

I try to make this life as vibrant as can be
For her to finally see
That this is as good as it's gonna get
And that there's nothing she should regret.

But still she storms off in the middle of the night,
Screaming:
"Is anybody there, anybody listening?"

I always find myself wondering about a lot of things.
But I never wonder: how or why?

How high is the sky between me and you?
I bet, sometimes, you wonder too.
Are all my loved ones hearing my prayers?
If I can hear you, so can you.

How old am I from within?
If I don't know it, how can you?
How deeply can you see through my shallow eyes?
It's not hard to understand me if you try

How far down can I go
If I just choose to let you go?
How much can I really cry
If I had a place to hide?

How alive would I really be
If you hadn't abandoned me?
How many more people can my humble being bare?
How much of myself could I give away if I had nothing left to spare?

I never got a solid view
Because I'm not supposed to.
But let's take a moment and think it through.
Maybe it's not me, it's you.

So while you lie awake in bed, like I do
Try to imagine "me" without "you"
And let me know how that comes through
Because I, like you, am nothing without you.

There he stands, on the far corner of this room
Leaning against that wooden table
In a black tuxedo, with one hand in his pocket
And another holding his drink.
Mysterious as he seems, his eyes never fail to mesmerize you.
His words so few, his feelings always true.
So deep in his thoughts - you could get lost for hours.
But as you sit here next to me and stare,
Your life wouldn't be so bare..
Because in his presence you feel something so rare.
And if you're lucky you'll catch a smile here and there,
A smile that is almost as deadly as the devil's glare.

When you feel the pain
Through every bone, every vein
You decide not to hide
And instead, you walk with pride
Is it worth it?

When you climb a mountain
So certain
You will fly
But you don’t, and people cry
Is it worth it?

When you see it in their eyes
Beyond the doors, behind the lies
And you finally choose
To stop staring at your shoes
Is it worth it?

When you've been on the other side
It can be hard to decide
Consequences may fill one with remorse
But it’s up to you, of course
So tell me now, is it worth it?

Here I am, waiting.
Waiting for something that never comes.

But it sure can tease you.

It's always far ahead,
And haunts your thoughts while you lay awake in bed.

Sometimes I wonder if it's even fair
To go through life with such a glare.

I eventually give up, stop thinking, and try not to cry.
And pray to God it doesn't pass me by.

Run as fast as you can, little one.
One day, you'll see that it was for your own good.
One day, you'll wake up and it will all be okay.

Run as fast as you can, little one.
Run until your body turns into stone.
This life does not favor the faint-hearted.

Run as fast as you can, little one.
Maybe if you stay away long enough, you'll forget all your hardships and sorrows.

Run as fast as you can, little one.
For those who do not finish the race will fall behind and get lost.

Run as fast as you can, little one.
Until one day, you can stand on your own two feet
And you won't need to run anymore.

When did my mouth become so quiet
When did my mind start racing
When did my eyes stop wandering?

When did my legs become so stiff
When did my soul start dimming
When did my heart stop skipping a beat?

When did I become so mindless
When did I start not to care
When did I stop believing?

I correct my own grammar.
Never anyone else’s.
Not out loud, anyway.

Do you know that moment? In-between everything?

That very brief moment when all your troubles go away.

Everything that’s good or bad disappears.
Everyone you love or hate, you forget.

Anything that’s bothering you the slightest or the most just sinks deep into your being
Until it becomes nothing.

That moment when you can actually breathe.
You know? That.

I want that.

Don’t you?

Out there, in the middle of nowhere,
I woke up and noticed I found a home.

“On a block of ice? Or a piece of stone?
Either way, I think this would suffice.”

Away from everyone. Away from myself.
Right there. Out there.

In the middle of nowhere.

My love,
You broke my heart again today.

I saw it in your eyes
It’s not hard to say.

The magic between us
It’s starting to decay.

The lies I told myself haunt me
To this very day.

Lies that I believed
While you were astray.

I’d see you moving on from our world
And yet still, I would pray.

Pray to God you would keep me in your heart
No matter what price I’d have to pay.

How did I not see this
Coming from a mile away?

You took back all your promises
All your promises to stay.

And yet my heart still finds it unbearable —
It’s not okay.

To look into your eyes
And know you’re far, far away.

Miles and oceans apart
From our first day.

To that, my love, I stand strongly and say
Thank you for breaking my heart again, today.

I’m sorry I called
I’m sorry I lied
I’m sorry for all the things you’ve left behind

I’m sorry you’ve fallen
I’m sorry you cried
I’m sorry I couldn’t keep all that our hearts desire

I’m sorry I'm flawed
I’m sorry I hide
I’m sorry I let our souls get forever intertwined

You held a net for me
For my deepest sorrows and fears

And you let me fall freely
Unapologetically

Then you gently let me go
Leaving me in the abyss

Free falling
For eternity

I feel nothing.

Sometimes I feel a small ache on the side of my chest, sometimes.
Small enough to know I’ll survive,
Painful enough to know you’re still here..

In my heart, where you always have been and where you’re always meant to be.

Close your eyes.
Where do you want to be?
Wake up.
You're halfway there..

What a shame it is to watch
The only part left of me get squashed
By someone who once was
The one who turned my wounds into scars.

How is it
that the one person whose messages you want to read is
on mute,
while the rest of the world is obnoxiously
on loud?