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Hold onto my string
Tug on me, don't let me go
Little balloon full of wishing
That I may stay by your side
Come winds high and low
And when I lose all my bounce
All my air and floaty sense
Take me, tie me down still
Until I fully deflate, by then
Let me be held, never freed
Teach you how to grasp, show me how
much my insignificance matters at least.
Instincts shrink
when love is on the table
for instincts are for survival
And love is for a dying
in the grandest ritual possible
And although as my gut tells me
Warns me to be on my guard
Cautioning, my brain is mush
And so is my own heart -
Dampen my instincts then,
Love, have me be ******,
Take all of my very existence,
Sacrificing survival on insistence.
O Prince Charming - O so young
There with lyre, just horsing around,
Maidens sought and maidens fair,
(Or prance along stable boys, I don't care)
Glowing sunlit golden hair, kept well,
Yet have at me an Alexander though,
great conqueror and builder hold,
Prince be ******, give me a king
Give me an emperor to so tempt,
Not an inexperienced boy on slights
but a battle-hardened man, a ruler instead.
Lion you are,
All dressed in
sheep's garbs
fooling no one
but your own,
Mirror, mirror,
In woolen comb
a bleating roar
Trying to blend
when you were
made to hunt -
as the pride is
out waiting for
It's Tsar, to rule.
Fairy godfather and godmother,
I wish, this, my bleeding plea
To take me back to who I was
Before I was brought to my knees
I wish to become again, innocent
The child I was back before him
I wish to be departed of moments
memories of me and him in my head,
-
The winged guardians say in duet
A reply the loveless lover would get
Not a consolation, yet one awakening:
~
My dear darling son, we know of it -
Your pain deep within, you so keep
Feel, after the flame has been cast
And taken out the coal that made it last
Yes, it is true, he has forever left, but
Have you really been unchanged before
Before he gave his heart to you, and
You gave yours to him too, to be held?
Every hour, every minute, every second
That has passed has changed you ever so
For good, or for bad, they have grown you
Why should we take what has made you you
Why destroy a beautiful canvass true?
You will wither this pain, realize that
True, the lover has left and love cut,
But none of the love shared has rot,
He may have stopped giving it to you
But what you've had with him was true
And what you were before him even so
But has, even during and without him
You'd still have changed, do notice that
It's not that his loss was a marring of self
Just muster the courage to be used to it
It takes time to get used to a withered love
We'll give you instead strength and fortitude
To wither this loneliness, heartbreak, and
To find that what had happened and left
Has made you much better, with no regrets
We'll give you patience and understanding
To see that you are hurting, but growing
And that in time this pain will subside
You will find a greatest lesson behind
That you are you, no matter who with
That you will stand sturdier and through
Undaunted but still loving heart forthwith.
Why tell me this?
I'm not even good
You'd easily find someone better
And you say now I'm the best?
Don't even jest, if that were true
Why then when I let go of you
Did you not at least try
To say 'no' you'll choose me
Still -
Why do I ask?
Because believe it or not
I did it for you, because
In the long run I know
I'll only be a disappointment
You deserve happiness
Of which I can't give,
Ever
My question is this
If I were the one truly for you
Why wait decades
I spent time forgetting
Numbing my self of you
And you break me
Apparently this fast
Now, when I thought
I was rid of you at last
That was my measure
My act of love,
To let you go, so
You can find someone above
And beyond me, who would
Truly, fully, equally deserve you
Between us two, when we
Were together
Maybe you were happy,
But I felt my self getting lesser
I never liked who I was
When I was with you
I'm telling you now at least
You deserve to know
So please just go
Don't let me spoil
All this time forgetting you
And how you feel
Maybe our love was strong
Maybe our love was real
But that kind of love would have
Broken us, fazed you,
And destroyed me
And you taught me as much
To care for and love
My self, like you did
So let me have this,
Miserable but loving my self
Not somehow happy with you
But slowly decaying, disappointing
I want you to be happy
With someone who can actually give it
The way you'd deserve it
Believe me, I beat my self a lot with it
Admitting finally that that happiness
Won't come from, won't be with
Me.
Engineer -
Building towers,
Building walls,
Building keeps,
Are you -
Reaching for the sky?
Trying to guard something in?
Trying to fortify?
Building towers to mimic flight,
Building walls to keep them out
Or keep something, someone, in
Building keeps to keep,
But to keep what?
I might ask,
Hamlet, what are you building
In that kingdom of yours?
What are you trying to achieve?
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