R.I.P. Jesse Michael Doseck (12-21-93 - 5-21-09)

To a dear friend,
our story's at its end,
the chapter cut short
in this book of sorts

I can't see your face,
the canvas left blank,
and these ships I will sink,
without pausing to think

Here pops a thought,
a thought from the past
from a time together,
which was our last

One argument it took,
for Him to close the book
its at this point I knew,
our friendship was through
I watched all of my ships
sink into the watery blue

Its four months today,
He took you away
I never got to apologize,
that morning the sun didn't rise
and it hasn't since

I've never had a love
so true as ours
Every second seems like hours
as we gaze toward the stars

Lets pretend for a second
tonight will never come to a close,
so we can just run away together
and never go home

Every moment we're apart
my heart skips a beat,
my breathing becomes weak,
as the ground collapses beneath my feet

I've lost all sense of time,
and my eyes can no longer see
-Although separation is akin to the feeling I get
when you're kissing me

Every time you smile at me,
the butterflies flutter feebly -
You've taught me to believe
that fantasy is more than just a dream

So take my hand,
and lets stare at the sky
while this teenage fairy tale
comes to life before our eyes

I'll be at your side
until the day that I die,
just so you'll never have to feel alone

Words will never do to describe
the way I feel about you
It doesn't matter if we're young;
This is more than infatuation,
this is love

How did I wind up in this mess that I'm in?
You know we always said forever,
now we'll never be friends
you sealed our fate,
with a kiss on the lips
destiny took a twist
and now we'll never be the same

I'm sitting here (alone) with you,
locked in my conscience
trying to pick up the pieces
of whats left of this

I feel like I don't know you
after all we've been through,
All I feel is resent
and how much I hate you

Do I even know you?
how can I even pretend,
that these last few months weren't wasted,
you're so hard to forget

getting lost in your eyes
was my demise
the butterflies just won't end
and it comes as no surprise

I don't care anymore that
you wouldn't spare me the time of day
so we could mend all of this
And joke like it was yesterday
we built it all just to tear it away

We're dumb little kids
how did we wind up like this?

I used to think it was so hard
to find someone who
could make me feel that way
until I met someone like you
I just want to sit here
and laugh about who you've become
why do I find it so easy to say
you just weren't the one?

My dreams don't include you
I guess I've finally moved on

I don't know why I find death so enthralling;
Or the calling of culled nullified angels more charming than alarming
Salutations to an array of all things macabre and flooding the streets with tidal waves of shock

The blood in your veins
was already cold as ice anyway
before draining away in the embalming process
Your entrails always showed
the manner in which you vested with finesse;
Enthroned in a tomb of frozen snow

Hell burns frigid and unremissive
Your every thought - piercing incisions
While I puzzle together these pieces of the grander picture
The polarity of her stigmatic enigma
Demeanor meandering to and fro
Gandering to pander every whim
Throwing glances left and right
At each of my fellow gentlemen

Rays of light cast from the windows
Outlining my silhouette in the shadows
Low moans bellow in a tour de force
As I peer through your soul
You have but a split second
So spit or swallow,
and choke back your tears
As I bring your worst fears to life

Hell hath no fury like mine reckoning
My discourse beckoning;                              
Imperiously        
imperiling
         and deafening

Channel these demons -
Screams echoing in melodic discord
Face stoic, in lieu of remorse
Wallowing in the shallows and wailing for recourse
The *****'s lament holds no candle;

From the summit,
without substance -
She plummets
in shambles
At free fall speed
she meets the grounds embrace;
but it breaks away

Calm before the storm
Then once more your life flashes
As you reach for the light
hiding in the tunnel's flip-side
Only to realize its not of the Heavens
But a raging Inferno

Neural impulses spiderweb across time
Each one precisely in line; memories -
Absence of your vindication aligned hand in hand
with every secret you buried in the sands

O'er the new rage
Of the golden age noir
Compulsively laying without delay
Fashioned like it's going out of style
"Now **** me something vile -
M a s t e r  r a c o n t e u r"
Make my trials worthwhile
Purveyor of *******
Undeterrable provocateur;

Inclined to bide my time while finding the finer aspects of slaughtering swine
Her squeals, reminiscent
lulling me to unconsciousness
Forever more I remain in denial
Whittling ever closer to nihility
While begging assuaging intoxication to ease my conscience

In the blink of an eye;
Destiny manifest is slathered in spattered inklings of splattered blood red
On a platter shall I present her head
A trophy for my sempiternal Lord of the dead

CLASSIFIED!**
Those discreet facets of our organization
have not yet been sanctioned for public effulgence.

Most urgent:
First we debase this worthless currency,
To usher in impending new world order
Imprisoning the globe
Then bathed in ignorance
(Fluoridation* retarding cognitive development)

More the merrier but I transcend borders
because my mind has no barriers
Spinning diction with volatile volition
Enchanting your brain into submission

A cheese-grater to the pineal gland
Inhibiting ability to dream,
Impassioned creativity &
inquisitiveness at an impasse,
Expertly contrasting
Inquisition with inability to produce
dimethyltriptamine
Because the pacified sheep
can't sleep away their passiveness
Mass devastation for the kids & family!

Slam it down with a gra(in/m) of (bath) salt
Better yet, sugar and McDonald's
Let Ronald wash your mind in city water
Dang, there's nothing outrageous
about meandering naked
Lusting to eating someone's face
these days, is there?
(Passed out on the asphalt)

Who bares the fault,
Who cares the most?
I know you planned it Mr. President,
take your nuclear launch codes
Atop your throne with your Zionist cohorts
Fake a breath, then flip the switch
Now you am become Death
3.  
2.  
1...
Default the planet

Where's your ******* conviction?
Digest my words and eat your fat *** to death Amerika

Mind your fate
The Devil's gates
Just a step away

So take the chip beneath skin
6 6 6
Pick up sticks,
Gather a whole bundle
& Light yourself on fire (******)

Crackpot conspiracy
How can you not see
Our country's interests inherently
sit in the pockets of Nazis?

Don't even get me started on television;
hypnotized sheep
mass-media gives me aneurysms
Is the Lord truly your shepherd
or do you always stumble so blindly?

Military-Industrial-Machine
Gobbling resources at breakneck speed
CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME
FAT CAPITALIST PIGS!!
You make me feel like vomiting.

Simply waiting for the bomb
to come bump uglies with the ***** of Babylon

NOW WATCH ME GET
~ULTRASONIC~
AS I DROP
ATOMIC ELBOWS
FROM THE TOP ROPE
TO THE THROAT
IN HOPES YOU CHOKE

Leaves a bad taste in your mouth,
did I tell a ***** joke?
(Haha-ha)
GARGLE SOAP *****,
YOUR LIFE'S HOPELESS

If you like beer & NASCAR gimme a hell yeah!*  (hell yeah!)
If you like bacon & pole-dancing gimme a hell yeah!

**** THIS REPUBLIC
DYSTOPIAN,
FLOWING WITH
NECRO-DESPOTISM
A COY ACT OF VENTRILOQUISM,
ON THE WORLD'S STAGE

Tangled like a marionette in its strings,
An insect in spiderwebs
Festering infection
Just keep using band-aids ;)

Take these cocktails
of famine, death, pestilence + plague
Questionably mixed with a little apathy
and self-delusion it's all the rage

The miasma of death
Clung and hung to their silhouettes
like cigarettes
The hands of the clock
tick-tocking away the seconds toward oblivion
In which I carry, reckless abandonment

*insert some wrath of God,
explosions of nuclear & biblical proportions,
then apportion some cataclysm
Sit back,
Listen to the wailing screams of panicking children
******* lay waste to this rock already,
this organic prison
And each and every organism
that dwells within it's ecosystems

All this to bring
A radical new utopia
not for you & me
but them, the Elite
and their heathen families

Behold a new dawn;
On the verge of 100% synthetic conversion
Mind, body, & soul as pawns
Data corrupted, perverted by total divergence
Illusion of free-will ruptured and gushing,
until microscopic then atrophied

Misanthropic singularity
Quantum computing
and nanotechnology
Existentially creating cyborg zombies
& Making gods rise from machines
Kinda deus ex machina style,
But nothing Isaac Asimov could machinate even in his wildest dreams

To me, a fitting end to humanity
The Great White Ape silently weeps

Unplug the TV.
Turn off the internet.
Going dark is the only thing that we can do.

Whether we know it or not, we are only feeding into these egregores.
We say we want to be informed.
We consider it being educated, cultured, aware.
But for what?

What good does it do to learn about the trials and tribulations around us?
So we can voice our opinion?
So we can say, "I told you so"?
So we can flex a little mental muscle,
playing games of connect the dots,
trying to predict the next big event?

We can watch it all fall apart, sure.
Pop some popcorn. Refresh the page.
Check the latest pinned threads.
But in the end what will it have mattered?
Aren't we all just trying to get the best seats in the house,
So we can watch the world burn around us?

Movements are not going to change anything,
No amount of rioting, protesting, demonstrations, reforms,
Viral videos, shares and likes, subscribers, followers,
You can be the loudest voice in the room but to no avail.

So they'll come for your guns.
What then?

You fight off one, maybe two, rounds of invaders.
They keep coming.
They keep moving in.
Surrounding you on all sides.
Then ****! Your homestead just got WACO'd.

The war drums beat and the trumpets blare.
Bombs bursting in air.
Flags tattered and charred.
The stores are empty.
Your shelves are full.
For how long though?

One year? Five years? Ten year plans?
Then what?

When the soil is irradiated.
The waters contaminated.
The fish and birds and animals long since dead.
So hungry that you'll eat another human being?
Your mother? Your wife? Your son? Your daughter?
Dinner for ravenous wolves?

This really is the apocalypse.
It's not a lightning crash,
but a slow burn.
While the rest of the world denies,
and the angels in heaven cry,
the demons inside of us lie,
Not this time.
Not today.

We made it past this failed prediction date,
Y2K, 2012, Me Tel U Now,
What next?
September 23rd?
Are we really ready if it is?
So you think you can survive the fall,
well be proud and pat yourself on the back.
When the rest of the world is gone,
and only you and your hatred remain,
who will validate your ego then?

When the radioactive fallout pours from the sky,
covering everything in it's murky haze,
toxic winds and acid rain,
a scorched, ransacked and ravaged earth,
this is your inheritance?

Martial law
New World Order
FEMA camps
Economic collapse
Global pandemic
Staged alien invasion
Second comings
False messiahs
Peace and safety,
Woe and destruction

When it comes will you look back and remember these last dying days?
Will you regret following every trending story,
Every false flag media distraction,
Trying to predict and prove and make your point?
Will you feel justified then?
The doom you waited for so eagerly having finally arrived?
Your affairs all in order,
Scott free by the skin of your teeth,
the last of a dying race,
victorious and supreme?

Go outside.
Breathe in the air while you still can.
Hug your wife or husband or children.
Call your brother or sister and tell them you love them.
Put aside petty differences.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for ONLY THEY shall be called the sons and daughters of God.
This truth seeking superiority profits us nothing.
Vanity,
Vexation of spirit,
Chasing after the wind.

Soon days like these will be just a memory,
Something you'll daydream about,
Only to snap back to a cold and desolate room,
A can of kidney beans,
Three bullets left,
Not enough oil to keep your lamp burning through the night,
Danger around every corner,
Everyone you loved and cared for dead,
The pit in your stomach,
the lump in your throat,
the hope for survival all but snuffed out,
waiting for the rapture,
waiting to wake up from that bad dream

Won't you wish you had done more?
Loved harder?
Forgave sooner?
Given more generously?
It's not too late to start,
Those memories you make today,
Will be the fuel you need to keep going then,
It'll be the only thing keeping you alive,
when all else has already failed.

Matter does not exist
The source of all being is consciousness, although
The scourge of life revel in selfishness
Ever still the cosmic force lies tepid
As the malignance grows ever more intrepid

Harbingers of inevitable demise

They preach Order from Chaos
But rather warmonger - masquerading their charades from the sidelines

However, if the time paradigm states light
will shine triumphantly
harmonious to the sound of victory
blaring from the Seraphims' trumpets
Why are we still waiting?

I've passed the space of mortals;
Within the abyss, a hidden path
Entries into sacred dimensions
Summoning,
Channeling my vessel

I've stood between these portals;
Constantly entwined,
Fused with the stars
Figuring out the past/ the spirits      
Entering, mentoring my purpose

Haunted by extinct forces ~
Modulating sequences of
energy, forming around me
The key to finding power;
Lost within this hostile fabric

Grasp the relic, seize it's secrets
How did the light commence? Tell me!
Grasp the relic, that which you seek will guide you

Cursed craft,
Conjures horror through
prophecy
Ripped from texts of grimoires

Haunts the mind;
Insight from the lost
I can see
Storm clouds emanating

Rays
Illuminate
My foundation

Break confines,
My birthright iminent
Manifest:
Channel through higher levels

Space and time
Warped by my intention
Transcend death
Awaken the ascension

As was foretold,
Enter the shadow

Dimensions -
Clashing at my will
Star clusters,
Cascading toward new realms

Orisons -
Structuring the suns
Galaxies,
Altering from my plight

Lure ~
Harvest spirits
From realms beyond

To be in the void is the absence of light*
A boy in his blight, may
s  c  r  e  a  m
and  c l a w
With all his might, calling out for God
But He wasn't there
...Or chose not to respond

I found a key
to unlock possibilities
a refreshing memory
to start anew
I found a key,
and that key was you

Your voice rings in my ears
such a tone no other can hear
the nights fading in,
tomorrow drawing near,
no longer shall I fear
the nightmares
that have disappeared

Awaken from my slumber
so tired and weary,
worn from the night;
so dark, so dreary
awaken from the beauty
I see when I dream
the forbidden imagery
I only see when I sleep

I found a key,
no man should ever obtain
the key unlocked a door
and there you were aglow,
but I could not hold you,
why do you torment me so?

dreams are such wonderful torture,
a goal you aren't meant to achieve
this key brought me to you,
laying here in my bed,
a jigsaw puzzle above my head,
I'm in love with every part of you
finally I can fall asleep,
knowing you'll be here beside me...

This key locked me away
I'll never see day
I'm bound to solitude;
So many letters, I'll never send
Because I'm never going to see you again

It was quite the gloomy day for young Lucy. A very, very vile day indeed. Every day follows this same suit. This, however, does not normally affect her, as she has been hardened by her daily burdens at school; until today. We'll get to that part soon, but first let me tell you a little more about Lucy's life.

She is often the object of ridicule by the other girls at her boarding school, St. Chucky's School for Girls. But this does not compare to when she is at the mercy of Helen. Helen, the most popular girl at SCSG, everybody adores her, but not just that, they want to be her. It is not necessarily their fault, as they are oblivious to Helen's charm. Lucy even finds herself coveting Helen's life, occasionally. But nobody (with the exception of Lucy) can see through Helen's façade: That of a wolf in sheep's skin. Words such as "base," and "ruthless," fall short when trying to define her. Every time Helen begins a rumor about Lucy, it doubles as another nail in Lucy's coffin. We'll file this metaphor under "obvious foreshadowing."

Though try as she might, she constantly feels inept at handling her life when in the hands of Helen. She has attempted – time after time – to appeal her case to the adamant directors, but they – sadly – are hypnotized under Helen's such guile pretense. A compromise is utterly pointless at best. So Lucy primarily tries to evade Helen's clutches.

This brings us to the present, where we find Lucy crying in the comfort of solitude inside the restroom. She aimlessly wanders the labyrinths of her mind seeking the answers to why she feels so alone in this world. She ponders what she has finally decided. If she'd have had just one friend, maybe the imminent future wouldn't look so desolate. But this is not a happy story, and unhappy stories are usually followed by a very unhappy ending. Trying to anchor herself to anything she could possibly have left. …She fails. Oh well.

Losing her grasp on reality, and with a swift kick, the stool from beneath her feet gives way, allowing the rope's grasp around her neck to tighten. Her body thrashes about, fighting, but to no avail. Time flashes before her eyes as she blinks her last. Poor Lucy, she was too naïve to realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

But don't worry, they'll eventually find her body. And maybe Lucy will get what she wanted: for everybody to feel sorry for her. Maybe all the girls will realize the damage they've caused. And maybe, just maybe Helen won't get reprieved this time for what she's done… Fat chance. Such a pity.

My trap tags don't expire  
I'm an arsonist for hire  
on these bars
Watch me spit fire, yuh

Got a grill in my mouth
& a grill on my porch  
New balance on my feet,  
In my kitchen selling work  
Got grass like I'm dirt
Hit the gas like I'm first
Eating *** with a thirst
Thots be scary go to church
Give that ***** heckin hurt  
I'ma dawg ripe from birth  
Yes I'm bound to rule the Earth
And I'll pillage til it skrrt
-Bet you ain't gon take my turf
'Less you finna prove that worth
Satisfy the ladies aye
my **** got 1 inch girth

& I'm all
Foaming from the mouth like she rabid  
**** yo ***** leave her shaking,
steady rabbit
Only *** wit gold
Cos' I don't believe in average
I'm a savage with these lavish roasts
so toast to this y'all napping, woah

Gimme  t h i c c  bone  
-I'm here to cuck ur *****
I Go Donkey Kong on em
wit bana-na clips  
Mushrooms down the pipe,
Now watch me all-star this ****
Leave em duckin runnin huffin
when tha muh ******
hammer hit boi

Ball so hard I got u trippin'
Spitting triplets in the kitchen
-To watch the world burn  
Is my muh ****** mission
Be shifting these gears
like transmissions in a sentence;
Remix it to ignition, straight
dunkin on y’all *****-***

Light me up that's what's up,
bruh you real *** vintage
Try and step to me,
catch you sleepin with those fishes
Throw bows with the flow
man I do this **** for fun
Dabbing every day
just stir the *** to color up

I'm on another level
Mine down on the nether
architect if ever
clever big-bro pullin levers
Embezzled Denny’s rhymes
Just to peddle to the metal  
& I'm never gonna give
Until I hit that ****** threshold yuh  

Flexin on these spades
When I play that ****** trump;
If you got no brain
Then I'm ganking all your junk
kickin in yo grave
Push up daisies in the trunk
I'm literally insane
u don't know about dat funk yuh

Blizzard **** a hipster *****  
Scissor kick your gizzard slick  
Crave attention slit my wrists
Iced out and I'm ****** lit

Like ah **** got that gas
check my Auschwitz
All about the offense
When I’m toxic wit that nonsense
Coursing through my conscience
Looking for recompense;
Like hollerin at a deaf *****
Or knocking over blind kids

I'm in that hearse
smokin herb
swerving verses
Turnin words
Like its a curse, ya

Intrusive thoughts
Enamoring fiend
Amidst an enchanting euphoric rapture
my apotheosis complex washes away
like knives to my throat
in a deluge of familiar burning healing

How I crave to abdicate Self
Oh unrelinquishing,
(r)
                          e  lusive Soul;
       (c)
Abandoning me to languish
In this castigating material existence

Slowly
                                                  feeling
My faith wavering
Withering                                                        
                                                  to the point
of nihility

Layer by layer
Shed my illusions
Shatter my Ego
So maybe I'll realize
Real enlightenment

Because I stopped caring for humanity ages ago.

If misery loves company
How can even I feel lonely
Alone to my thoughts
In a crowd of my peers?
Just keep up appearances ;)

You all look so oblivious with boxes over your heads...

Obscurely I yearn to be lucid
But instead am welcomed
by livid disdain

I just want to watch the world burn
An inferno; more ****** to churn
for my every advance she spurned
don't object my grotesque romance
or squander it in a moment of happenstance;
rather, project a mental image by perchance
Of me pursuing an remembrance
of the past,
in the present; instead of looking forward
to the pen I wield in hand;
Dubiously proclaimed mightier than the sword

Through awful lies,
Though truth hides;
Eye sees all

Traveling backwards through time;
To give Mother a chainsaw abortion.

the butterflies have died,
it should come as no surprise

the fire in your eyes
will eventually subside
extinguished at the sight
of your life
denied

You define hate, everything I despise
you'll find another lover by tomorrow night

you're just another pretty face
with an angels grace
with a relationship to put to waste,
when it ends next month

You're like a ******* puppy;
you'll roll on your back for anyone who shows you affection

give me a reason why
you deserve a second chance
because I see not one;
live tonight, its the night of your life
but you can just as easily lose yours,
at the drop of a dime

I let down my guard,
and you taught me how to fly
I used to think you were one of a kind
Rather, a kind one won't find

Your porcelain skin
the face of a doll
Much too delicate
to brace your fall

I wasted an entire summer on you
Spilled out my heart
I thought I found someone who
could make me feel
a feeling so real

My emotions have decayed
Remove this knot from my stomach
And let me drift away

I will never trust you
I will never miss you
I will never love you
I will never kiss you

once a *****;
always the same
Its refreshing to know
some things never change

and if this is what
you call life,
then I'd sure hate to see
what death looks like

Our love thrown out the window
You no longer flood my head
So **** your rose,
I'd appreciate you more if you were dead

By some magic
I snapped a match lit
and watched the tip of my thumb
Catch fire in slow motion
It was amazing.

One thousand phalluses
Won't fill
That void in your Soul