wandering aimlessly through the halls
or tears in the bathroom stall
did anyone see her fall?
no, no one at all
she's not that tall
you see the way she hides between the walls
it's not ok
what you say makes her feel like ****
you would never admit
so she stays alone
it's easier than let them know

the feeling eats away at me
tearing away at me piece by piece
everything is a blur
as if someone is stirring and shaking the world
i can't see
hello?
can you help me
i'm lost
but you couldn't hear a word i said
you shook your head and walked passed me as if we've never met
now i am drowning in regret
you see, i've been slipping away from quite someone
but i've been lying
not able to let anyone
see the extent, that this had been destroying me
and it's like you all treat me as a joke
every ******* time i choke
hey?
are you still there?
i just fell really hard
can you tell?
as i struggle to get up from the same fetal position i lay on the floor every night
you laugh and say "they were right"
you listened to what everyone thinks and says about me,
i'm over here now crying and shaking
you're over there saying oh, man i must have been mistaken
mistaken to love someone as sad as i

it's not something i've did or done
i became it
the mistake is me
you may ask "what do you mean?"
i am a sickly flawed being
who's creation is regretted undoubtedly
told day in and day out
"you are nothing", you see
even if i didn't do anything wrong
the mistake is me
the way i look, laugh, love
none of it is right
and i just want to blur the lines
so that i could be somebody else
it just too painful
knowing because of me being a mistake
there's no one else to blame

i hate you both
dad to me your nothing but a ghost
mom ever since i was 13 i've been crying myself to sleep
you have not once payed attention to me, never even heard me weep

all you've ever noticed are my ***** up
and i know at times i could be corrupt

over and over
reminded my about my failing grades,
which led me to begin bringing out my blade

when i told you (mom) i was depressed
you laughed at me, and said you don't even know anything about stress, how could you be depressed?

and dad what on earth happened to you
you always seem to go insane
never bothering to call
always leave me wondering where you are
you're always sick because of your daily "one too many drinks"
i used to get disappointed
but now i've learned to expect nothing less of you

it's a funny word
not quite sure what the definition is
maybe it's the fact we met
or the way you slept
(next to me)
or maybe it's the way you now treat me
as if i'm diseased
the memories were great
it's now too late
everything we had was left wasting
all the kisses were sour tasting
i regret
i regret
i regret

I want to die
and theres no where for me to hide
my family hates me
their biggest wish would have to be to erase me
i no longer have any friends
i couldn't have predicted that this would be the way for everything to end
one ******* mistake
another chance i didn't take
i'm left here drowning
without any frowning
i've been fighting alone
now there's simply nowhere left for me to go

eating myself to the point of being sick, just to do it again the next day
having the emotions bottle up to the point of explosions all over my body
staying up until 3 am and crying in the shower
looking at other's profile's and comparing myself to those with stuff i will never be able to have
having your "best" be considered another's failure
locking yourself in the washroom stall, because the anxiety and fear of being alone overwhelms you
needing to get high once a week to be able to feel normal again
to have days where getting out of bed isn't even an option
you just don't know what it feels like

you told me you didn't give a **** about anything
i thought it was ok, good enough that you let me (in)
you told me you were beginning to feel sad
i noticed and decided that's why you were acting so bad
you told me you loved me
i was left wondering why you shoved me
you told me i wasn't enough
i believed you and decided, i deserved to be treated so rough
you told me you didn't need me
at this point i was stuck on trying to read (you)
when you told me you didn't give a **** about anything
i should have listened

you said i was distant
you wouldn't stop asking without persistence
i told you what was wrong
and about how it's gone on for so long
you admitted your mistakes
and told me it was going to be ok
i knew that wasn't going to be the case

I wanted to tell you for quite some time
not everything had been fine
it’s been awhile since we last spoke
when you read this i really hope you don’t choke

it’s been like this for years
always full to the brink with tears

how would i have ever been able to tell you
every month i get chills
when i come home and see the pile of unpaid bills

always wondering if there would be enough to eat
when there was never any money, i couldn’t sleep

how would i have ever been able to tell you
whenever i was with you i felt safe
somehow you were able to open the gate (that is me)
when nobody else had bothered to look for the key

how would i have ever been able to tell you
that i’ve been really sick
my mind had been playing tricks
i tell myself i’m ugly and fat
i already know you would have said “please don’t believe that”

how would i have ever been able to tell you
when my brother would get angry he would punch me
i typically would lunge (on the floor to avoid it)

how would i have ever been able to tell you
my mother tells me i am unwanted
when i try to get help i get taunted
always wondering if would get a proposition
to get out of this position

but tonight i’ve had enough
of teachers telling me “you are dumb”
i’m sick and tired of walking around like and idiot
and i know i’m about to do something hideous

and if you were still there, you could have shown me that you cared
but i’ve really had my fair share (of this world)
*goodbye