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15.2k · Oct 2017
Araw-araw
deadwood Oct 2017
Hindi minsang naisip ng aking munting ulo na ika'y darating sa aking buhay.

Araw-araw nakikita kita mula sa pagpasok mo sa paaralan, pag-akyat ng hagdan, at paglagay ng bag sa ilalim ng upuan.

Araw-araw ako'y napapaisip, kung ano ba't lagi kang tahimik, laging malamig ang hangin, at laging tulala ka sa papel mo na walang laman kahit sulat man o doodle.

Ano ba?

Kung sa tingin mo ay nagkakagusto ako saiyo ay hindi ka nagkakamali ngunit hindi ka rin tama.

Binibini, ako'y nangangamba kung ano man ang nasa isip mo.

Sa unang tingin pa lang ay makikitang hindi ka pangkaraniwang estudyante.

Ikaw yung tipong hindi magsasalita kahit na nahihirapan, yung tipong hahayaang magpasakal sa taong kaniyang iniibig, yung tipong kagaya ko.

Araw-araw tinatanong ko ang Panginoon at sarili kung ano ba't nakita kita at nakilala?

Hindi ako nagkamali, katulad na katulad mo nga ako.

Katulad mo akong ayaw bumitaw sa patalim ng pag-ibig kahit na paulit-ulit na itong isinaksak sa aking puso.

Katulad mo akong gagawin ang lahat maibalik lang ang nakaraan kahit na matagal na niya akong itinakwil at iniwan.

Katulad mo akong malungkot na nagmamahal araw-araw.

Kaya, binibini, sana'y makaabot sana saiyo ang mumunting mensaheng ito mula sa wasak kong puso:

Mahalin mo man siya o oo, mamahalin pa rin kita araw-araw.
1.9k · Dec 2017
Ikaw na Paasa
deadwood Dec 2017
Darating ka pa nga ba?
Mukhang marahil di na
Totoong ika’y nanlimot, aking sinta,
Sa pangakong pagmamahalan nating dalawa.

Maaaring sabihin **** ako’y baliw, di-karapat-dapat,
Ngunit ikaw, giliw, ay kailanman naging sapat,
Sapat na upang patuloy kong ibigin,
Ibigin kahit na iyong di mapansin.

Pero bakit?
Bakit nga ba di ka na darating?
Bakit ba labis ang lungkot na aking tinatamasa sa iyong di pagsipot?
Tanggap kong hindi mo nga talaga ako kailanman magugustuhan,
Subalit matindi pa rin ang hapdi ng puso kong iyong sinugatan.

Sabi nga nila, ang tulad mo ay tipong paasa,
Yung tipong mangangako at di sasama,
Marahil ako nga ang siyang problema,
Ako nga ang taong umasa,
Pero tangina,
Salita mo ay iyong bigyang halaga.
1.5k · Jul 2018
Panahon na naman
deadwood Jul 2018
Heto na naman,
Panahon ng tag-ulan,
Sakit sa ulo't katawan,
Damdamin at karamdaman.
Basang puno't halaman,
Basang kumot na pinunasan,
Pumapatak na naman,
Ang pag-ibig at tubig-ulan.

Heto na naman,
Sipon ko'y balik-balikan,
Luha ko'y 'di mapigilan;
Simula na ng buwan,
Na masakit ang ulo't isipan,
Masakit ang puso't lalamunan,
Pagkat ako'y iyong iniwan,
Sa gitna ng ulan.
Flu season na. Forgetting I Love U kumbaga.
1.2k · Aug 2018
Almost our victory
deadwood Aug 2018
It was there at last,
Crowds chanting fast,
Rows of cheers,
Echoed by peers,
On a winning show meant for victory.

It was there at last,
All the toil of the past,
All the bruises with the cast,
All the people I've trust,
Waiting for the call of our hard-earned victory.

Once, at last,
The announcement has passed,
And our faces aghast,
By the fate of our cast;
Silent in news of almost our victory.
We trained so hard. We practiced on rest days. We performed our very best, and yet we fail the contest of our labored victory.
748 · Jul 2018
Second
deadwood Jul 2018
Is there ever a greater melancholy
than permanent second?
Second best,
Second choice,
Second family.
All these things I am,
A second-hand human being.

No matter how hard and harder I try,
I remain inferior till I die.
A second-hand human being,
Not worth the greatest form of praising.

So as I stand above this bridge,
I recall all my 'almosts',
All my 'what ifs' and 'could haves',
To decide once and for all:
What if I jump a second time?
I'm tired of never being the best for anyone.
513 · Apr 2018
3 Summer Haiku
deadwood Apr 2018
1
Gazing at Dipper,
In the dry summer night sky,
Seven towers light.

#2
Brown Molave leaves,
Blown under the summer heat,
Scatter on dry soil.

#3
Gumamela grains,
Swept by swift North-East trade winds,
Reach the hibiscus.
I compiled some haiku I made during summer vacation. Each were written on different days at different times from evening, dawn, and dusk.
357 · Sep 2017
Eyes on the watch
deadwood Sep 2017
10 seconds,
My eyes on the watch,
No light shone,
Yet certain, time flew by,
The sound of ticking echoed.

8 seconds,
My eyes on the watch,
A light glimmers,
Yet certain, time flew by,
The sound of ticking echoed.

4 seconds,
My eyes on the watch,
The light shines,
Yet certain, time flew by,
The sound of horns blazed.

1 second,
My eyes on the watch,
The light glares,
Yet certain, time flew by,
The horns scream in my ears.

0 seconds,
Time of death: 18:46.
Cause of death: Roadkill,
Eyes on the watch.
347 · Oct 2017
My last cry
deadwood Oct 2017
Drowning in sadness,
I scream my last cry,
An adrenaline-induced shout,
From my red damp mouth.

I've grown mad with the pain,
It left me an irremovable stain,
So on this day I wish to die,
I scream my last painful cry.

How I wish I've been slain,
From my pre-nativity,
Perhaps I'd not obtain,
Such grave misery.

As life pours out my body,
My mind grows unsteady.
A mixture of misery and ecstasy,
Lingers within my psyche.

I gasp for air,
But only blood everywhere.
A poem on a failed suicide attempt.
346 · Jul 2018
Platonic friendship
deadwood Jul 2018
I'll never let you fall,
I'll stand up with you forever,
I'll be there for you through it all,
I'll never let you say never.

And if we both fall in the end,
I won't let you break nor bend,
I won't stop the love I wish to send,
Because you are my friend.
It matters less to me if you'll do the same.
337 · Jul 2018
Hug?
deadwood Jul 2018
Does anyone want a hug?
Like a really good cuddle.
I've just really felt so alone these days,
And I doubt I'd be okay.

I guess I just want someone to stay,
Stay even 20 seconds of a day.
Because I badly want a hug...
Does anyone want a hug?
I'm just so done with the gravity of my failures in school these past days. I haven't even gotten quality time with my friends
310 · Jul 2018
Who knew?
deadwood Jul 2018
My heart aches
for who knew;
who knew it was you?

It was the jolly, caring mentor,
It was the happy, kind teacher,
Who decided her end,
By her own terms.

I wish none of this is real,
But reality is just so cruel.

I missed my opportunity
to have you alive with me.

Now my heart is hollow;
Your death is a pill I can't swallow.
For my teacher who recently hanged herself. I hope you are in a better place now.
296 · Apr 2018
A rainy summer day
deadwood Apr 2018
Lighthearted with a heavy heart,
I wonder just when will things fall apart,
I wonder just when will I break my heart,
And when will you make the end start.

Like a rainy summer day,
A cracked *** of clay,
You'll leave me in dismay,
You'll leave me in this May.

It pains me to think,
That every time I blinked,
All the the time we've synced,
Now you'll leave me to sink.

After everything we've made,
After every sting, I've stayed,
Now the summer colors fade,
Now my heart's just a glade.
It was rainy today despite the summer feels. It just so happened that a friend of mine is bound to leave in May for his dream school.
272 · Oct 2017
Heart beat
deadwood Oct 2017
Before now, when we meet,
My mind blasts, in a heart beat,
Before love, pre-deceit,
Before us, was a heart beat.

Times so great, I can't wait,
The world lives, in a heart beat,
Memories, they're what's left,
Since you left, in a heart beat.

I crashed down, face: a frown,
My whole world, was that heart beat,
Now it aches, my heart breaks,
Since you left with my heart beat.
A song I made for the broken-hearted.
270 · Dec 2017
How much it took
deadwood Dec 2017
It took me a while to realize,
The blur of of your lines.
Took me longer to see,
What wasn't meant to be.

You say you're busy,
Caught up in some bizarre frenzy,
Have people waiting,
And tasks piling,
But each time you move away,
I breathe heavily in dismay.
254 · Dec 2017
3 years
deadwood Dec 2017
3 years.

For 3 years,
I've felt you,
Felt your warm welcomes when we met in classes,
And your wondrous stories of helping the masses.

You said you weren't religious nor nice,
But the way you pray others joy says otherwise.

3 years.

3 years spent on memories I keep,
Each one bearing an experience so deep.

It was fine time we gave each other,
As fine as time between spirited brothers.

And each year, we grew closer,
We went through hardships together,
But these 3 years were special,
Tackling the mundane and existential.

Times were either us two working on school work,
Or us two thinking why we work.

Precious indeed are those 3 years,
With everything set in stone,
Yet like all precious jewels,
They fall in the hands of the most cruel of cruels.

We were precious, I bidder,
But from our hands our jewel fell, shattered.

3 years.

3 painful years,
As I watch our smiles turn tears,
And our hearts pierced by spears,
For we chose to shut our ears,
And switched gazes with leers.

I stood frozen badly,
As our story begets tragedy.
Because lady, why tell me,
That after all, we weren't meant to be?

3 years.

3 years, my seed of wrath grew,
In the shape of a tree with no fruit,
And as the bark had wind blew,
I felt bitterness from you, my root.

3 years, right?
For 3 years now, my tree stands upright.
A poem for you whom I thought was meant for me.
254 · Jul 2018
Finale;
deadwood Jul 2018
Finally,
No one can see the real me.
No one will take pity.
Finally,
No one can hear my agonizing plea.
No one will beg mercy.
Finally,
I gave up on me.
I gave up on my journey.
Finally,
I am free.
This is for the moment I gave up on amounting to something good in high school. I failed terribly.
248 · Jul 2018
Your name
deadwood Jul 2018
I hear your name,
But not from my tongue.
I hear your name,
From his voice.
I give up trying I'll hear your name from my voice.
238 · Apr 2018
Last time
deadwood Apr 2018
...            n            ll   b
Her last   ight wi       e ...
               f            th  m
I thought it would be a great idea to try some new kinds of poems. This time, I tried to make it somewhat visual. I hope you can read it.
196 · Oct 2017
Not a tragedy
deadwood Oct 2017
Everyday, I make an effort to talk to you, but you always move away the moment you see my shadow.

You don't know how much it hurts. Where do I even begin?

The sharp pain in my head, the choking feeling in my neck, or the deep cut in my heart?

Because tell me, how would you feel if all you're efforts were put to waste?

"Tragic," you would say each time I get a chance to catch you before you leave.

It's no tragedy, dear, it's one godforsaken melodrama.

I've never tried so hard to apologize to someone unwilling to forgive.

And each day I suffer by your absence, my mind snaps into two: one that hates you, and the other that wants you back.

And unlike a tragedy where the hero dies, I live with an empty mind and heart.

Just how many tears do you think I've shed just to get you back?

10 droplets?

No, a whole tub won't even hold all of it in.

The only reason why I've felt this down is because of you.

You who treated me humanely like no one would, yet left me still like a thief who stole my humanity.

You who made me think you cared when you didn't.

You who gave back what I lost only to ****** it away again.

I hate you.

And I hate that I've missed you more each passing day.
195 · Oct 2017
Gone
deadwood Oct 2017
Listen.
Gone.

Gone are the happy days of you and I chatting under the tree shade.
Gone are the promises we kept to unuse the blade.

Gone are the moments we shared watching Disney in the theater.
Guess that's our last time together.

I gave up long ago being your suitor,
Let's be honest, I was never worth fighting for.

Listen.
I'm long gone.
From the painful ends of my memory.
190 · Oct 2017
I am Dead
deadwood Oct 2017
In times of disaster,

Always remember,
Man is greater:

Destined for learnings,
Early for failings,
Alive for blessings,
Determined to change things.
164 · Oct 2017
Another day wasted
deadwood Oct 2017
Another day wasted,
24 hours gone.

I'm tired of the many attempts I did,
Tired of almost getting my message through,
Almost getting my rehearsed apology through,
Tired of almost being true.

I failed her again,
Failed to make her stay just for a day,
Failed to make her fake smile go away,
Failed not to fail her just for a day.

I did nothing,
I could have said something,
But chose not saying anything,
I was just too uncaring.

I wasted this present day,
No thought bore action,
No action brought change,
No change brought healing.

I wasted today, so tonight, I sleep;
I sleep and tell her everything,
Tell her I cared,
I suffered,
And I learned.

Sleep is the only way I'll find her,
The only way I'll make her stay tonight.
159 · Oct 2017
Precious eternal sunshine
deadwood Oct 2017
Precious eternal sunshine,
Whom I wish to be mine,
Let not your rays die,
Do, but pour rain in your eye.

Your grace be full as summer,
Your gaze be warm in winter,
Calm thyself in dusk fall,
For ever shall I wake to your call.
135 · Mar 2020
Covid-19
deadwood Mar 2020
We were at a loss for words
Words for lost souls
With lost hope
For a lost cause.

All is lost
Lost in us.
Stop. Hoarding. Supplies.

— The End —