what if there were a way to reverse
rewind
go back to a more
innocent time
would you?

i see people spinning
in spirals
dancing
to the step of
familiar patterns

i just wanna let it all go
i want to,
so badly

i'll take everything to the river,
surging forth
and
drown all my troubles

i see
the little dancers
surrounding me
spiraling around me
sticking to their choreographed lives

i reverse
close my eyes
dance to my beating  heart
rewind
to an ancient time
where my memories
are my only guide

i whispered to my feet:
take me home

Every step I took was controlled.
I had to resist sprinting,
my life on my tail.
I'd taken a quiet road,
begging something to happen.
Anything.
I knew I couldn't run from this,
(and really I just needed something to run from)
but the road was open
they'd never find me
though it left marks in the air,
they couldn't track my breath
and there was nothing else to track.
I could have left.

I don't care about being famous.
A well-known life isn't necessarily
a better one.
The one thing I do care about,
is lack of normality

I wish this life was enough for me
but it's not

every empty road calls to me
like a lover left behind
every day,
like an opportunity lost

I need adventure so badly it hurts,
and I wonder if I got it,
if I'd stop sitting on cliffs
while I contemplated what it would feel like to fall
what the wind rushing over my silver hair would feel like,
whether or not it would be worth it

I've contemplated death because it holds more potential than my life.

I understand that I shouldn't.
But on more than one occasion,
I've stood with the intention to fall.

I've walked on roads
with an intention to run.

I live every day in dread of having nothing to fight.
I've been cursed with such an easy life, when I was born with a fighting soul.

dirt roads are where i
come alive
another starless night
in a pick-up through
timbuktu

drive, drive, drive
mom's dad's truck
now it's only dad's
so if i have a kid
this ram will be his
mom's dad's truck
times two

drive, drive, drive
my bed is empty
another sleepless night
through timbertop ridge

no licence
no ****, sherlock
i'm all over the place
still, i keep her between
the ditches
dodge potholes and
blow backwood smoke
east of me, in the rear view

cassette tape, brakelights
window low and heartbreak high and
someday
a dirt roads is where i'd
like to die
just like grandpa did

.
Some people search for a higher truth,
their lofty beliefs keeping them aloof.
They look past death to find out what?
Are they not content with what they've got?

Maybe they fear there is nothing beyond,
after the natural span they have donned.
Maybe they crave an extension on high,
but we are mortal, and mortals can only die.

So worry not about what comes after,
just enjoy life with love and laughter.
And as for the workings of eternity -
well – you'll just have to wait and see!


© Pagan Paul (18/02/17)

I was driving and thinking
I'm a deep thinker when I'm driving…
Sometimes when I'm eating, or taking a shower...

but without ramble
I was thinking…
No, thinking no…
I was feeling
Feeling so connected to this life
So much words got accumulated in my head
in my chest
I would love to have a piece of paper to write
but I think even I had one I could not do that
because they were so fast inside
as neuronal transmissions
like constellations forming, so beautiful inside me…

I just decided to enjoy them
Tried to catch some

And I swear I got ones until yesterday’s night
And today…
Today they escaped from me…

I was thinking maybe that it is what real beauty is
A vibrant and powerful touch of inspiration

Most of the time we want to capture beauty,
to capture it until we have life…
But beauty does not want to be a prisoner
Beauty just wants to be…
it is ephemeral

So, enjoy it while it lasts

And that beautiful feeling of enjoying…
That feeling is what lasts forever.

artful creations

colors, charcoals

paints

stone and clay

wood and paper

bringing life
from
lifeless

form
from
formless

can the artist choose?
~~~
garden creations

shades of green

jade
artichoke
asparagus

fern, forest
and
jungle

mint, moss
and
pine

shamrock
tea, olive

mixed
with
a multitude
of blooming
hues

can the gardener decide on one?
~~~
kitchen creations

sweets and treats

savories and piquants

cakes and pies

meats, stews
casseroles

butter, garlic
lemon

rosemary
and
thyme

parsley
and
saffron

onions caramelized
to sweet

peppercorns
and
cardamon

tamarind, turmeric
nutmeg

combined in
precision
joy and
love

can the chef say which is best?
~~~

and thus
I challenge any poet

can you choose your favorite "child"?