To: You
From: Me

Open this letter when you feel like crying~
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Crying is the best way to let out some pain of old and new scars. So cry everything you have to, so you can heal some more, and keep going straight, even when the tears are an unpleasant sea that you think you can't handle.
                                                   Sar­a Leal
                                                           ­                                      17/01/18

To: You
From: Me

Open this letter when you feel like you have no more reason to stay alive~
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Hey! Cheer up! It's just a bad moment, a really bad one. I know you can pass through it and later on you'll see that it wasn't that bad. I do know because I also have those moments, when I just want to break down and let go everything. So I know that right now it is that bad, with all those negative thoughts inside your head, with all those voices screaming that you're in pain, that you're not needed, that you want to get away from all this. Don't do that, don't get away from it, don't let those voices get to you, it's not your time yet, you have a lot that you should fight for. You have a lot of reasons to keep going and I'm one of them as you're one for me. And remember, I'm here with you. You're not alone in this.
                                                 
       ­                                           Sara Leal
                                                           ­                                      24/01/18

To: You
From: Me

Open this letter when someone precious to you betrayed your trust~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Look Honey, I'm going to be honest with you like I've always been. When we trust someone there's always that chance that the trust we gave is going to be broken, turned into little pieces you can't seem to catch anymore. Because we're only humans, and humans tend to do the most beautiful things, but the most horrible ones as well. It happens, people come and go, take and throw away, even the most precious and irreplaceable things to them, nothing we can do about it. Maybe you'll break someone's trust some day as well, or maybe you won't, but there's a pretty big chance it'll happen, because we all have that chance on us. But Darling, trust is to give and take whenever you want, whenever you feel like you have reasons for it or not. So don't be upset about this, it's going to happen again, but everything is going to be okay, I know that. And if you want to trust them again, do it, if you don't want to, well don't be afraid to be human and hurt others as well. Do whatever you want to, while you can. I'll be here with you no matter what you choose to do.
                                                 
         ­                                         Sara Leal
                                                           ­                                      01/02/18

To: You
From: Me

Open this letter when you're craving for me to be by your side~
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It doesn't matter where you're, or where you think you're, I'm always here with you, writing, loving, giving you my support in everything I can. I know it's hard sometimes, when you want to hold me at night, or when you want a hug after going through some rough moments, when you want to cry on my shoulder, or when you just want to feel my hand holding yours. I know it's hard. And sometimes the word hard is not even enough to describe it. It is the same for me as well, I feel it inside of me, all that pain you have, I mean how couldn't I? How could I not feel anything? I do feel it, Love I do know what it takes to handle it, I do know you. And I know you can do it, you know that. You know as well that while I'm alive, I'll stay with you, I'll write for you, I'll love you. I'm here. Just wait for me.
                                                 
         ­                                         Sara Leal
                                                           ­                                      08/02/18

Suffering,
I'm suffering.
A little too much,
A little because I don't know.
And if I do I don't want to tell you.
Tears,
I'm really crying over here.
A little too much,
A little because I can't do anything else.
And if I can I don't imagine myself doing it.
Created,
I was created like this.
A little too early,
A little because the pain chose me.
And if she didn't, I'm choosing her.
Loved,
I'm loved.
A little too much,
A little by you.
And I don't know why you love me to be honest.
Me,
You,
A little for me,
A little for you.
I'm yours as I want you to be mine.
**But can you really fight against my demons?

With that words.
**I almost believed you.

Anna,
Anna.
Listen to what I'm going to say.
You are a good person,
You deserve to live.

"Are you alright?"

They ask as they see me crying in that corner,

I lift my head,

I try not to tremble.

And I answer,

"Yes".

They go away.

She was the suffer in person.
She was suffering.
Nobody helped her.
Nobody gave her a hand.
So one day,
She became her own hero.

Can someone take this pain away?
I want to forget everything.
But at the same time I don't want to.
It was so beautiful,
But it ended so tragically.
Why do the most beautiful things end?
Why do the perfect moments end up being just memories?
It seems it was yesterday that everything began.
But actually,
It was yesterday that everything ended.
It hurts.
So *can someone take this pain away?
**Please?

"Are you drunk?"
"No."
I ask another glass of that thing I don't even remember the name now.
"You're drunk."
"No."
My head starts hurting,
But not more than my heart.
I couldn't stop the question.
"Why did you dump me?"
You glared at me,
Silent.
"I will take you home, c'mon."
"No."
You try to take my arm again.
"You're drunk, just admit it."
"No."
I couldn't even see you well now.
I couldn't see the eyes that made my heart beat so fast so many times before this.
"Okay then I quit."
And you did,
You walked away.
But you already had quit before this anyway.
That's why I'm here drinking alcohol,
To gather some courage to punch you while I can.
Well, maybe alcohol it's not enough.
Or I'm not drunk enough.
Yeah, maybe that's it.
*I was never drunk enough with you.

We are all humans right?
Humans with fears,
Humans that shed tears.

Humans that should be treated equally,
Humans that shouldn't have to suffer without reasons.
Humans that have the right to choose what they believe in or not.

So why isn't this happening?
Why are we not being treated equally?
Why are we suffering without reasons?
Why are we being stopped from having the right to choose what we believe in?

Why all this?
This shouldn't happen.
This can't keep happening.

But I know I can't do it alone.
I need you.
They need you.

People are being tortured right now,
They're suffering so much right now.
They need us.

It might be them today,
But tomorrow it can be you or me.
And do you actually feel alright not doing anything about this?
Do you feel good not helping your own kind just because it isn't you or someone you know in person?

Do they deserve this?
Would we deserve it?
Being hurt for wanting to believe in what we want?
For having free will?

Is that a reason to be tortured?
To be killed?
To have our loved ones taken out from us and have them being hurt?
To be thrown away into prison?
To be brainwashed?
To be taken out everything we cherish and love?

No!
It is not,
And it'll never be a reason.

You and me know that.
Now spread the word,
And make the difference.

If you really call yourself,
An human being,
Let's end this tyranny.

Sometimes when you come to me crying and saying that you did it again,
I just want to say "*******".
Because nobody really deserves to be with you.
"*******", because I don't want to hear your excuses again.
"*******", because you think you're better than me.
"*******", because you really deserve to be ****** up by yourself.
"*******", for all the times you ****** me and I didn't enjoy it.
"*******", for not loving me.
"*******", for staying with me without reasons.
"*******", for knowing me.
But most important of all,"*******" because I don't say any of these words.

I don't say this a lot so you can consider yourself lucky to hear me saying this,
I'm not going to repeat myself though,
Even if you ask me to.
So listen well,
Look to my lips moving,
See my mouth open slowly,
Hear my words.
"I'm staying".

How do I heal myself?
With my own words.
With my verses that could be not even verses.
With my poems.
I heal myself, writing.

I.
I,
I can't do anything to change myself.
I,
I have blood running in my veins.
I,
I have dreams.
I,
I have feelings.
I,
I have problems I can't solve.
I cry.
I laugh.
I write.
I'm real.
I'm just one of many.
Just something in the world.
But I'm me and that's what it really matters*.

I want to.
I really want to.
But I can't,
I can't get you out of my head.
And that's frustrating,
That simply freaks me out.
Because my thoughts are all about you,
You,
You,
And you.
And that makes me sick.
I don't like it,
I don't like how you have so much power in me.
But I can't.
I tried.
But I can't.
I can't get you out of my head.
My brain can't forget something that still has a place in my heart.

I couldn't.

I wanted to not look at you,

But it was impossible for me.

And I still don't understand why,

Why you wanted me out of your life.

What did I do?

And why do I have to respect your decision?

Why is this happening with me?

It's killing me,

Not knowing it.

I feel frustrated,

And inside of me there's a pain that I don't know why I deserve it.

I'm sorry,

But I'm suffering and because of that,

I couldn't keep my eyes away from you.

I'm hoping that if I keep looking at you I can find my answers.

Idiot,

I was an idiot,

Idiot,

I'm still an idiot,

Each time more idiot,

Each day more idiot,

Inevitably idiot.

And all this because I love you,

Because even after the **** that you do, I love you.

Because even after you hurt me again and again, I love you.

Now you understand why I'm an idiot?

Loving someone,
I never thought I could do that.
I never really thought I could be loved.
In fact, I think I don't deserve it.
Not even a little.
I mean how can a person like me deserve this love?
It's just a beautiful thing,
I can't possibly deserve that.
I don't deserve it.
But I'm still glad it happened though,
I don't care if this is selfish of me.
I don't care if it's wrong to steal this person from a better one than me.
I don't care.
I just want to stay with him,
Forever.
Like in a fairytale,
A real one.

If I ever wanted to die,
Would you help me to die?

In this world,

In this life,

I learned so much.

I learned that I can't trust everyone.

I learned that who wants doesn't fight, resists.

I learned that I don't even know myself.

I learned that there are things that simply are not worth of it.

I learned that pain is something that leaves scars.

But most of all I learned that it doesn't matter how much I learned I will always make the wrong decisions.

When love turns real*,
I wish you were an illusion.

The more I tried to not fall in love,
The more I fell in love with him.
I'm still a person,
And he's just my weak point.
He could destroy me if he wanted to.
Actually, I wouldn't mind being destroyed by him.
I love him too much to care about what he does to me.

I'm scared.

I'm scared of you.

I'm scared of me.

I'm scared that you won't believe me.

I'm scared of not being here tomorrow.

I'm scared of what I feel.

I'm scared of what I may feel.

Don't cry,

Don't blame yourself,

Don't try to comfort me,

Because I know that you are scared too.

Don't try to put me the confidence you don't have.

Don't deceive yourself with fake hopes.

Don't try to fight against something that is with you and with me.

Don't pretend that you are not scared.

Because you are and me too.

My words,
Have a lot more to say than you think.
My poems,
Have hidden feelings in them.
My outside,
It's not all that I have.
I have a inside too.
And every word,
Every poem of mine,
Is the same as I.

I don't know how to search for something that I don't know what it is.
I don't know how to pretend feelings that don't exist.
I don't know how to lie to you.
I don't know other way of loving you.
I don't know how to be another person.
I don't know how to stop being empty.
Is that wrong,
Not even knowing my reason to exist?

My hands tremble,
As I see you.
Love?
Fear?
No.
I tremble* because I know you are the same as I.
A demon on earth.

It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, we were together.
Today, we dont even talk.
It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, you said and promised,
That you wouldn't leave me.
Today, I see that you lied to me.
It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, I smiled with you.
Today, I cry alone.
It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, was love.
Today, is just a lie.

I want,
I want the hope of the dreamers.
I want,
I want the light at the end of the tunnel.
I want,
I want the darkness of the abyss.
I want,
I want the faith of the lost.
I want,
I want something that isn't mine.
I want everything,
Everything that isn't yours.
I want all,
Except you.

Kaboom*,
My brain exploded.
I'm okay my heart it's still intact,
He's used to explosions.
Your explosions*.

Your lips,
Against mine.
Soft lips,
Wet tongue.
Eyes closed,
Synchronized movements.
How can a kiss feel so good,
When demons aren't supposed to kiss?

She* gave too much to others,
And forgot about herself.

She,
Why nobody helped **her?
She helped everyone that she knew that needed help,
So why didn't anyone help her?
She was so happy,
With her beautiful and honest smiles,
With her deep and sincere feelings.
She was a beautiful person.
She was,
She's not anymore.
For one simple reason,
She didn't know how to help herself.

No.
No.
Maria wasn't different.
No.
No.
She couldn't help herself.
No.
No.
She couldn't make it until the next day.

Maybe we are all lost.
Maybe we lost to this game called life.
Maybe it was meant to be us doing the same mistakes.
Maybe it was my destiny to hurt you.
Maybe I'm not even a human being.
Maybe God didn't listen when I was crying.
Maybe my words were written to provoke something on you.
Maybe I was ordered to lie.
Maybe what's mine was never really mine.
Maybe your eyes were just a drug.
Maybe coffee was not meant for me to drink.
Maybe the alcohol existent in the world was not enough.
Maybe the smoke that I smoked was not that poisonous.
Maybe our meeting wasn't a coincidence.
Maybe I was created to love you.

I think I miss you,
But then I re-think it.
And I see I miss the things I was able to do with you,
I miss the way you tried to make me feel when I was sad sometimes,
I miss the way you loved me until some point.
But I don’t miss you.
I just would like to have what I miss back,
But I can’t,
‘Cause that would mean I would have to have you again.
And I don’t want that.
I don’t want that pain again.
I only want the happy things you were able to give me.
I want the piece you took out of me,
The love you took out of me.
But I can't have it back.
So tell me,
Will I be able to love again without everything that is missing?

I don't breath air.
And if I do,
My air it's a mortal one.

Doing that for 2 weeks made me curious,
And frustrated.
"What's your name?"
I couldn't stop my mouth,
That was one of my mistakes.
You laughed with a cigarette in your left hand.
"Eugene."
I inhaled, I exhaled.

I sat again in that lonely pavement.
You appeared.
"Hi, Julie."
I took another cigarette.
"Hi, Eugene."
You sat next to me.
And we smoked together.

1,
2,
3,
10,
16,
Today I smoked 16 cigarettes*.
Hmmm tomorrow I need to smoke more.

3 a.m,
It's the hour when I usually get out of my bed,
And go smoke one more outside,
Two more,
Three more,
Basically until my need it's satisfied.
What it's never.