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Cece Jan 2019
I fell for you like rain,
fell hard and fast.
It was constant
like raindrops hitting a roof;
I fell again and again.
I couldn't stop,
but the flowers would never
fall up to the clouds,
so I was left like rain,
stuck in a beautiful
but one-sided love.
I fell for you like thunder,
loud and hard to miss.
It startled even me,
but clouds would never react
to the noise,
so I was left like thunder,
shaking and bruised,
ignored or tuned out with music
by those scared of the noise.
You fell for her like lightning,
it was bright and quick.
Over barely after it started,
but for a moment I saw
the way your laughter in love
was so dazzling.
It was almost blinding,
but not quite,
instead it lit up my life
for a split second
before leaving me in an
even darker night.
i really love rain someone give me a thunderstorm pls
289 · Jan 2018
A place to call home
Cece Jan 2018
A book.
Simple enough,
As a concept.
But it’s
so
much
more.
It’s a world of imagination.
That pulls you in.
That traps you
so you can’t
leave.
A drug
you're now
addicted to.
Sustenance you
really need.
A place to
curl up
and feel safe.
It means
Staying up late.
Ignoring
absolutely
everything
else.
It means throwing
your best interests
to the wind.
Because who needs sleep
when you have a world to discover,
A place to call home?
I'm in class and bored whoops
285 · Jan 2018
Our Fires
Cece Jan 2018
A spark,
A tiny flame of hope,
lights a fire in us
that pushes away the darkness
that surrounds us.
Regal, our flame stands tall
and proud.
A friend
to protect us
from the looming threat
of burning out.
The fire stays aflame,
fighting our monsters
that haunt us day and night.
Our fire burns with our passions,
and that is the problem.
When we lose our passion,
our desire to love,
to enjoy life,
to simply be,
our lovely friend
can’t fight off the demons
for us any longer.
It may have been paradise,
while our fire lived,
but the warmth will never last.
The dark clouds close in
to ***** out
the lasts
of our precious flame,
of our precious hope.
There is nothing we can do
except watch,
and wait,
as our beloved
is torn from us.
Ashes all around us,
we see what we have done.
What we have destroyed.
Because without the light,
we cannot live.
With no more fanfare than
before it was lit,
we slip back into
our nightmares
in complete
darkness.
Another sad one. Sorry bout that, the words just spilled out. I was trying to write a happy one too. About hope and passion. But that clearly went downhill. Whoops.
274 · Apr 2019
caution; fragile
Cece Apr 2019
I shatter,
like a broken glass
knocked off a table by a careless hand,
like a pretty vase
toppled over by the wind,
so be careful with me.
After each day
I put my pieces to bed,
try to get comfortable,
and set an alarm for the morning,
somehow.
I wake up early,
put myself back together again,
shaky, unsure.
I start like a jigsaw puzzle,
on the outside and work my way in,
So that if I don’t finish before I go,
I can keep my unfinished insides hidden;
no one will have to know.

I shatter again in storms.
272 · Apr 2018
I call your name
Cece Apr 2018
I call your name,
there's no response.
I ask you why.
You don't reply.
Is it me?
Or is it you?
Your nothing
means everything
to me.

Your eyes,
they catch mine
for less than a second
and seal my fate.
They capture my heart,
yet I see no recognition
at all
in yours.
Do I exist to you?
or am I another face
that blends in with the crowd
of desperate lovers.
I feel empty
without your love.

I know what
could have been
if you saw who I was
before I met you.
Now all you see
is a broken heart
looking at the world,
greeting it with a stone cold glare
and a maniacal laugh.
I'm gone.

A broken heart's replaced me.
A broken heart's replaced
my laugh like honey,
my smile of sunshine,
my voice of gold.
A broken heart's destroyed
my shining eyes,
my love of life.
It's destroyed me
and taken my place.
271 · May 2018
Mundane days
Cece May 2018
Mundane days
are different for everyone.
Sometimes they're walking into the same bar
every Friday night.
Ordering the same drink
from the same bartender
and drinking to forget.

Sometimes they're jogging in a park every morning
playing the same song
at the same time.
Passing the same people out every day
like clockwork
following their own routines
at the same time.

Mundane days.
Sometimes they're sitting by a window
that's getting pummeled by rain.
With the same type of hot cocoa
that's slightly too hot to drink every time,
breathing in the warm and comforting scent instead.
Looking out the window
lost in the same stormy thoughts.

Mundane days
spent going to school,
talking to the same people.
Hanging out with the same crowd.
Dealing with waves
of perfectly normal teenager-y exhaustion.

They're spent shopping for Christmas dresses
like girls do every year.
The same stores, same disapointment
when the dresses aren't perfect.
The smiles when they find the one.
Priceless yet so mundane.
To be repeated next year.

Sometimes they're people watching
in a crowded train station,
the same one every morning to get to work.
Smiling at the cute couples,
admiring outfits, and sighing at the same commuters
who happen to have the same schedule
and get on the same trains ever morning.

Mundane days spent reading, writing, watching Netflix.
Days spent talking, napping,
eating leftovers from last night's dinner.
Mundane days going about a crystal clear routine
carefully carved by weeks of despair beforehand.
Mundane days born of times when routine was needed
just to feel something.
Just to feel anything.

They look all normal.
All perfectly pristine.
Innocent and mundane.
Until the glass is shattered.
262 · May 2019
"hope"
Cece May 2019
I'm not sure whether you are clueless
or just deceitful
in your "hope."
You will leave us your ruined planet
and tell us you have
"hope" in us;
that you believe
we can fix your mistakes
somehow.
Like a child pasting paper cutouts
on an important project
and then scribbling on it;
that is how useful your
"hope" is.
You treat us as children
while acting like them yourselves.
Your immature "hope"
curses us.
Your tantrums
doom us to a ruined planet,
wrapped up in a pretty little bow,
signed "with hope."
Useless.
We do not want your "hope"
or your belittling stares
or your childish attitudes
or your arguments
or your optimism.
We want your action
your help,
your votes.
Lend us your strength,
not your stupid faith in us,
because by the time
we are 18
it will be too late.
We do not want your ruined planet,
we want you to act
like the adults you call yourselves.
We do not want your "hope."
We want your help.
just a teen whose world may literally fall apart by the time she can vote. stop climate change!
262 · Aug 2019
galaxies away
Cece Aug 2019
I’m galaxies away from anyone,
even on the busiest of streets.
I revel in the comfort of the stars,
they sleep behind my eyes;
The cold of the darkness
it creeps into my heart;
The dull ache of the void, the empty space,
it seeps through my being.

I may die among the stars,
alone for ever and eternity,
but it’s a fate better than feeling lonely
in a room full of people.
259 · Aug 2019
alone
Cece Aug 2019
in the dark,
scared I’m not alone,
desperately wishing I wasn’t.

alone with my demons,
so not really alone,
just lonely
253 · Feb 2019
strangers
Cece Feb 2019
We’re spilling secrets
like a glass of orange juice
that’s been knocked over by a careless hand,
now spreading on the table.
We’re talking
like old friends catching up
after years of not seeing each other,
but we don’t know each other.
We’re clinging to each other  
Like we’re close,
though we’re just starved of affection,
craving attention.
We’re lost in each other,
Like shooting stars wandering the universe,
not knowing where to go next,
but knowing there’s so many places to see.
We just met,
strangers that happened to connect
with a spark,
and now we’re each other’s everything.
251 · Jan 2019
Untitled
Cece Jan 2019
Untitled

and then a blank space.
It's stressful,
but I write anyways
because I like the feeling
of falling
into a poem,
letting it wrap me up
and take me
to stars, or
to dreams, or
to love, or just
home.
I love sitting
in the dark
with just moonlight
and the bright, white
light of the screen
to keep me company
as I pour
my feelings out
to people
I don't even know,
because somehow,
it's easier showing
my demons to
strangers, as
I don't really care
what they think of me.
after they read
my heart;
they can just
drop it where they are
and leave,
not feeling particularly
obligated to stay.
240 · May 2018
last dance
Cece May 2018
there's always a little bit of magic
in a last dance.
one that closes an era of joy or sorrow
or both or none.
there's hope in the way i hold you
hoping that maybe it really won't be the last.
but good things don't last,
can't last.
so instead i hold you
as tears stream down your face.
there's always anguish
in a last dance
to compensate for the magic,
for the hope
that the days before had caused.
anguish buried under layers
of false smiles and promises
that maybe we'll see each other again.
and with that your pretty face turns
walks away with absolutely no confidence,
head hung down,
destroyed.
yet somehow i realize that,
with everything,
you've taken my heart too.
so i'm left broken
without
you.
i was trying to make this happy??? and then my brain said absolutely not
234 · Mar 2019
Monsters
Cece Mar 2019
I want love,
I want support and kindness and peaches
and all the sugar that comes with love.
I want to know someone’s out there
who’s got my back,
who can push me up and let me pull them up.
I want a person who can tell me
that everything will be okay
without me ever doubting them.
I want the comfort of love;
the fluttery, butterflies-in-your-stomach
feeling you get,
like when you’re laying in bed
having just up next to someone,
someone gorgeous, someone lovely.
I want love,
but I’m scared.
I’m scared to love because
what if i fall too far,
what if I drag everyone down with me?
I don’t want to be stuck somewhere
with no place to go
and no one to talk to
but the monsters in my head;
they’re not very good company.
They hand me flowers,
with a sticky-sweet note,
then startle me and pretend
that it was my fault the vase slipped
out of my hands
and shattered all over the ground.
They make me walk
on the pieces of broken glass
just for fun.
They remind me that I’m not worthy of love,
that I should just accept that and move on.
I’d rather be alone
if the other option was to have them by my side.
I’m scared to love
In case everyone leaves me
and I’m stuck,
****** and broken hearted,
with the monsters.
i'm a sad person, can you tell?
232 · Jan 2018
Void
Cece Jan 2018
There is a void
in my heart,
waiting for you
to fill it.
It takes
more
and
more
of me
each day,
so please,
find me
soon.
I will lose
myself
otherwise.
Cece Aug 2018
A starry sky,
borrowed from someone else's heart,
from their happiest moments.
A memory of the universe,
given to another with an excited voice,
hyper and exhilarated,
describing it with sparking eyes.
Fluffy clouds
seen laying on soft,
sweet smelling grass, cuddling and smiling
with so many others.
The sun's warmth a reminder of their own,
kind and soft.
A clear night
catching fireflies with them at three a.m.
Of course letting the bugs free,
just feeling the pure delight in the accomplishment
as one always does.
Standing with eyes closed
enjoying the breeze and the company
of pretty souls so nearby.
Yellow sunflowers,
given from their love.
Bright and shining,
a mirror of their feelings,
their happiness and friendship.
A quiet café,
sitting by a foggy window drinking tea.
Enjoying the serenity of a peaceful moment,
something that doesn't happen often
in between all the chaos that is life.
The calming scent of mint and chamomille
drooping their eyelids
and forming soft smiles all around.
to my friends. i love you all in one way or another, no matter how unconventionally (ahem one of you in particular but hey). i miss you horribly and i'm feeling nostalgic af. based on my happiest memories with you guys (some without you but the happiness reminds me of you guys)
229 · May 2018
Clouds
Cece May 2018
clouds.
their calming embrace
soothes hearts burdened by anger
and fills them with sadness instead.
it's calm and cool
and assures you that you're not alone
in your pain and suffering.
clouds will eventually produce rain for you,
perhaps as a gift,
a flower with millions of petals.
the rain washes away the tears,
making them blend in with all of the other droplets of water.
falling,
falling,
fallen.
228 · Feb 2018
Impossible
Cece Feb 2018
No dreams come true on false promises.
We must commit to our dreams,
before even figuring out what’s possible.
Because impossible really isn’t what it sounds like.

Impossible dreams seem like a mirage at first.
Walking towards them ever quicker,
feeling that resentment as we see it flicker
And dissolve before our eyes.

But all dreams are not seen,
Not heard, not thought.
they are simply felt
Deep in our hearts.

Dreams are turned possible
when we promise ourselves,
when we convince ourselves that no matter what,
we can do it.

We must not wait for dreams
to become a reality on their own.
We must grasp whatever end of rope we are given
and pull ourselves up towards them.

We must build our dreams
From remnants of what we have learned,
from our struggles, from our successes.
Build a castle, a castle of dreams.

We must sit on our thrones in our castle of dreams,
and grin ruefully looking back
on the struggles, then look ahead
towards the impossible dream that lies beyond.

Towards what dream we must accomplish next,
towards another wall to scale, reach the top, and build even higher.
To do the impossible, because impossible
really isn’t what it sounds like.
214 · Jan 2018
Mirror
Cece Jan 2018
What if one day,
we met a version of ourselves
crossing the street.
However that version is
how someone else sees us,
and not how we see ourselves.
Not unlike a mirror image,
yet different in so many ways.
We wouldn't be able
to recognize ourselves,
because we see ourselves
in a different light.
We see ourselves in the cold,
white light,
standing in front
of the bathroom mirror,
analyzing.
criticizing.
They see us in the warm sunshine
when our eyes are crinkled
from laughing,
when our hair is blowing
in the breeze.
We see ourselves in numbers.
Grades,
weights,
calories,
They see us in feelings.
Happiness,
passion,
love.
Maybe if we saw
our almost-mirror self
cross the street,
we would see ourselves
differently as well.
We would see
a kinder,
more beautiful,
thinner us.
But in reality,
we'd be the same.
Because mirrors lie to us,
but perspectives do not.
213 · Jun 2018
You
Cece Jun 2018
You
You make me smile
when nothing else can.
Yet I start to cry
at the thought
of seeing you.
Perhaps because
you remind me
of what I’ll never have.
What I want
so desperately
but can’t seem to grasp.
It’s held
just out of reach
when you make me laugh,
or hug me close.
What,
you ask,
could I want
so badly?
You.
A short one
203 · May 2018
russian roulette
Cece May 2018
Life; a game of russian roulette.
Each day a pull on the trigger,
each second an eternity of dread.
One day, it'll ****.
But for now, it just amplifies every feeling ever evoked.
Adrenaline.
A motivation to live, to try, to risk it all.
A gamble with whatever gods exist,
and if none, then a gamble with fate.
A gamble with luck.
Relying so heavily on something you can't control.
The feeling of weightlessness,
the suspense,
the relief of a click
instead of pain.
That adrenaline is motivation.
That adrenaline fuels life.
An angry, desperate bid for life,
but one nonetheless.

As the days drag on, the familiar adrenaline wears off,
revealing the common second stage.
Sometimes the last stage.
Exhaustion.
Before it was relief,
sinking into the suspense,
letting it consume every emotion.
Now, it drowns.
Slowly and methodically draining any will to live
until the lasts of it are gone,
leaving only exhaustion in its place.
Exhaustion doesn't react to each passing day,
each empty cartridge lost,
just stares in a weirdly ready trance.
Until the trigger is pulled.
Until the pain consumes every second,
dragging them into days, weeks, years.
And then
nothing.
And then
everything.
done.
gone.
203 · Aug 2018
Nothing
Cece Aug 2018
There's nothing
i wouldn't do for you.

Yet there's also nothing
you would do for me.
oof
201 · Feb 2018
Thoughts
Cece Feb 2018
Normal.
Peaceful.
Calm.
The air sweet and crystal clear.
Sunlight streaming through windows.
Music playing in the background,
happy and energetic.
and then
a
snap.
Suddenly,
I can't breathe.
The air is thick and shallow breaths
turn to deep ragged ones.
The light is too bright,
my head hurts from it.
My thoughts race.
Why?
I should've...
I'm worthless.
No one likes me.
Why bother.
It doesn't matter.
My head hurts.
No one cares.
Why should they?
I need to work.
My heart hurts.
Why?
Tears spring to my eyes.
I blink them back easily
from months of practice.
The music keeps playing
in the background,
now sounding like
it's underwater.
Submerged in my feelings,
it seems.
201 · Nov 2019
in love with a ghost
Cece Nov 2019
I’m in love with a ghost,
Its fluttering distracts me
As I run into walls trying to follow,
bruising my body.
It tortures me at night,
Drowning me in disappearing dreams:
Running from death,
Attacked by demons,
Unable to save them from fire.
But then
She’s there.
I smell flowers.
The perfume of old memories
surrounds me.
then I’m falling,
Terrified,
Falling,
I wake up.
Still falling,
I’m scared to escape,
So instead I stay, falling
In love with a ghost.
it's been a while since i wrote something, so i'm a bit rusty lol
198 · Feb 2018
Disappointmet
Cece Feb 2018
It pains me to think,
that in the grand scheme of things
I am nothing.
I mean nothing, I’ll be forgotten
more easily than I’d be noticed.
If anything,
I am a disappointment.
There was so much potential in me
when I was young.
Too bad I never had a passion for anything,
growing up.
Too bad I never had natural talent in the first place.
We blame natural circumstances like it’s nothing,
because it’s easier than looking
inside ourselves for the real reasons.
Too bad I never tried hard.
Too bad I never stuck with anything long enough
to actually gain skill and expertise.
Too bad I realized all this
way too late.
Now the realization comes like a disappointment,
a shattering heart made of
Hopes and dreams.
The vain but natural desire to be recognized
for some talent we have, for something,
anything.
We search and search
for something we can do.
Some accomplishment we can brag about,
letting our vanity get the best of us,
just like we are taught not to do.
Too bad our desires come crashing down with reality,
taking our hearts with it.
It hurts to know that we really don’t matter to the world.
The Earth will keep turning,
the sun keep shining,
the stars still twinkling,
long after we’re gone.
Truly, it hurts to realize that we are
a disappointment to ourselves,
most of all.
197 · Jun 2018
Broken
Cece Jun 2018
I’m broken.

Every night
I am ripped apart
by a living nightmare.
My thoughts haunt me
until everything hurts.
Until the anger,
makes me punch walls
And hiss in pain
when my knuckles sting,
cry
til I can no longer feel
and I no longer have tears
to give myself,
scream
to no one in particular
because no one listens anyways.

And every morning
I look at the chaos strewn around,
and slowly
put myself together again
until every piece is aligned.
I’m shaky and unsteady,
but it doesn’t matter.
I don’t feel enough to care.
The pretty facade fools people
and that’s all I need
to “live”.
192 · Jun 2018
Love
Cece Jun 2018
It's so funny to me,
seeing young love broken,
tossed up and shattering into a million pieces
as it hits the ground.
Because somehow,
that's exactly what I want.
I don't care if one day it's left outside in the rain,
or if it's thrown into a fire with a cold, calculating hand.
I don't care how or why,
because I know it will end one day.

What I doubt is if it will ever begin.
idk what this is
191 · Nov 2021
Icarus
Cece Nov 2021
He found himself Untethered.
Unchained,
with every beat of waxy wing,
rising.
Sweet, tawny feathers
tickled his ribs pleasantly
with every arch
of his back, every tension
of his bare shoulders.

Warnings left unheeded,
unhinged cries leap from his lips
as he flips about
in the warm, salty air.
The undulating waves
far below,
look soft;
the rise and fall like breaths
of a sleeping babe.

A swarm of bees took his heart
in their sweet, trembling hands,
whispering congratulations.
He shook, blood burning with
each breath of bright air,
fresh.
His hair whipped by gentle breeze,
inviting sun
seeping into translucent, purplish skin.

Rivulets of hot sweat rolled
in the riverbeds between his muscles,
dripping from eyelashes and
elbows and jawline;
corners.
He spins up and up,
higher, up,
and down.
Down?

Arms flapping, flailing now,
trailing feathers and rivets
and loosening screws
like falling snow;
a storm above the sea.
Wax-coated eyelashes
laden with honey tears,
sticky, wind whooshing
through panicking fingers.

Scrabbling hands desperately clutching
chunks of melted wing,
scarred wood bearing the marks
of his father’s chisel,
unimportant now.  
His bony, haughty face twists in writhing
emotion.
He falls head over heels over head
over heels.

Split sea,
winded,
bones crunch as body impacts,
shoulders, back, thighs, toes.
Pale limbs bend in odd ways,
distinctly Not how his inventor
put him together, so carefully.
He tastes salt, metal,
blood and brine mixing in his mouth.

No space in there to thank his father too.
hahha not sad at all
186 · Jan 2019
happy
Cece Jan 2019
Staying up too late to read,
sneaking books and candy into class,
the sound of golden laughter ringing
with innocence and pure happiness.
I miss that.
Shopping for christmas dresses,
ending up with smiles and excitement  
more often than with dresses,
because the one had to be perfect.
I miss that.
Climbing trees and getting reprimanded,
laughing and doing it again the next day
because it was exhilarating and fun and awesome,
no matter what the teachers said.
I miss that.
Going on skiing trips,
grinning with excitement,
armed with confidence, hot chocolate,
and marshmallows, of course.
I miss that.
Sitting in a window seat,
writing poems at three AM
because the stars were inspiring and comforting
and felt like home.
I miss that
Road trips blasting music,
stopping at gas stations in the middle of nowhere
to buy gummy bears and chocolate,
riding with the windows open.
I miss that.
Taking naps in the grass,
the sun shining, and waking up warm and happy,
making flower crowns to procrastinate
going back inside again.
I miss that.
Ordering chai lattes
at cute caffés because they were delicious,
albeit overpriced, sitting by the windows
and smiling at strangers through the foggy glass.
I miss that.
Exploring cities, stores, and museums,
just kids curious about the world,
ducking into shops and a tea place,
discovering that bubble tea is amazing.
I miss that.
Smiling and laughing and loving,
none of it fake of forced,
just genuine happiness overflowing,
adding to the beauties of the world.
I miss that.
I miss being happy.
183 · Feb 2019
I miss you...
Cece Feb 2019
It's strange:
We don't talk anymore,
but I know you like no one else does.
I miss the feeling of leaning my head
in the crook of your neck,
your head laying on mine.

We never hang out anymore
but ****, we used to.
I miss seeing that I'm a little too short
for my arms to fit around your neck,
but you bend down just enough for me.

We haven't caught up in a while,
but I see you around enough
to know that miss you like hell.
I miss the feeling of your arms
around my waist,
your hands placed
gently above my hips.

I miss the feeling of my body
fitting perfectly in yours,
I miss laughing with you
about the most random things,
I miss actually knowing you,
talking with you,
I miss you.
182 · Jul 2019
hell
Cece Jul 2019
the demons in my head
take my mind to hell with them.
they burn my dreams,
freeze my heart,
and torture my soul.
my thoughts wander with ghosts;
their lost expressions comfort me now.
they are empty,
but so am i.
i am empty but not alone.
178 · Nov 2019
a confession
Cece Nov 2019
I hate myself.
There. I said it.
Nothing feels better though.
Admitting it is weird.
People are gonna answer
and use that tone:
"no you shouldn't!"

well too bad,
it's not your choice.
****, i wish it was mine.
oops
Cece Nov 2021
To be honest,
I think it’s untrue that thunder is meant to frighten,
to warn of a coming storm.
I think it’s nature’s call to throw open windows,
to for once enjoy something with open arms,
faces open to the sky, eyes closed and lashes laden with drops.
I also think we make way too many shutters
with tightly
stacked
wooden slats,
nailed to all walls to cover every window
of opportunity;
because we want to shelter our poor, supposedly fragile,
mercifully warm bodies from the elements,
from cold rain, cooling wind, colder snow.
Chill out.
Parents frantically shield their children in a noble,
albeit misguided, crusade to prevent their “little Timmy”
from experiencing anything at all.
Chill out, you, sit in the rain for a minute,
let the rolling thunder lull you
to…  
a slightly less high-strung existence, at least.
Where I come from, the worst bees can do is
sting you, you let it hurt for a little and then
it’s all okay, no (real) harm no foul,
and in the end you got to sit outside
and do your homework in the sunshine.
My mother always said not to eat the cookie dough,
that raw eggs would give you salmonella.
My sister used to sneak me bites anyways,
with a wink, because
“I haven’t got salmonella yet, and I always eat the dough!”
It was a risk worth taking.
I don’t consider myself one of those people
who would call others “snowflakes” for being
a bit more hesitant in the world,
for telling their kids not to eat the cookie dough,
for wanting a better, safer existence for the next generation,
but dear god do I think
we all should be allowed to climb trees,
scrape knees,
and live a little.
but enough about me—
Did your parents let you live?
You’re in charge now, have you ever let yourself live?
Do you want to go outside and spin
in dizzy circles
in the rain with me?
loosely based on the format of andrew gibson's "what do you think of the weather?"
164 · Oct 2018
Pinned up
Cece Oct 2018
Red roses laugh
at the dawn broken day,
an anniversary of sorts.
Marking a moment when
clouds stopped looking
so sweet, so kind.
The night
was so angry,
stabbing with each
whine of wind.
Stars that fell
from sparking eyes
that night
pinned up to the sky
a reminder
of what was taken.
159 · Jan 2020
It didn’t end
Cece Jan 2020
you blew up her phone
every night for years
telling her how you would hurt yourself.
you had her in tears,
but she would respond each time,
despite her fears
that she would say all the wrong things.
everything was so fragile, she was scared
to type each word, to hit send.
A twelve year old, so unprepared
to become a self harm and suicide hotline,
despite how much she cared.
after that she would never seek help from her friends,
as she knew how hard it was to listen,
so she bottled her feelings and hoped the pain would end.
:(
157 · Feb 2018
Alone and Lonely
Cece Feb 2018
some days, the tears threaten to fall.
other days, they command it.
helpless.
that's how I feel.
not even able to stand up against
mere drops of salt water.
how, then, am I to survive,
let alone stand up against the world
without help?
lonely's a friend.
ironic right?
the feeling of loneliness, my only companion
as I wander through the desolate field
that happens to be called life.
alone.
a word accompanied by laughter
and a fake smile
plastered on to defend the reality
that I don't even want to admit to myself.
how can I be alone?
I have family, friends, love.
yet I am so so alone.
I go through life without anyone by my side,
yet they still ask the dreaded question.
how can you be lonely when you have
everything you could ever want?
and I can't answer.
don't know how to.
so I leave it to a forced laugh and a smile
to say that I was kidding.
I didn't mean it.
how could I?
I have everything, apparently.
so the tears threaten to fall.
and I can't deny them,
just like I can't deny the ones
who say I can't feel alone.
I can't cry, supposedly.
it seems, however,
the tears didn't get the memo.
they want to race down my face
with no thoughts given to the people
who say I shouldn't cry.
Because I have everything, supposedly.
So the tears that once threatened to fall
command their exit.
and here I stand.
alone with my tears.
alone with my thoughts.
alone.
148 · Nov 2020
space?
Cece Nov 2020
space has never been so tempting,
yet so frustrating.
the stars are alluring,
so far from the chaos,
pollution, and bloodshed
of this cursed world.
the cosmos deliver their invitation:
they have a warm welcome waiting,
a hearth to curl up next to,
so to speak.

yet stand 6 feet away from anyone,
it feels like galaxies between.
a sweet embrace has been
foreign for months,
now something to die for,
quite possibly.

is resting far above the worries
of the earth worth leaving
the rosy cheek of humanity?
i wanna be on the moon right now ****
134 · Nov 2020
it snowed yesterday
Cece Nov 2020
now i watch as the world
melts. the houses drip
from all their corners,
the sidewalks shine like sweat.
i hear a collective sigh of relief
now that the sun is bright and
the storm has stopped.
it’s not like it wouldn’t have,
but until it did, the world
held its breath.
the trees were stiff,
uncomfortable, weighed down
with snow, while people were
glued to their windows.
but now the world melts
with the snow. it sighs and
shrugs off its coat, shakes
its dripping wet hair, and
gives a triumphant smile
to the sky.
110 · Nov 2020
a love to spite the storm
Cece Nov 2020
there’s something about rain
that makes me want to
run outside with someone
and kiss them until the world
stops spinning.
to dance under the weeping
clouds, incandescently happy
in their embrace.
to feel soft grass under bare feet
and warm skin under wet clothes.
to love in the rain.
to laugh in the tearstained face
of the cruel storm.

there’s something about rain
that makes me wish
i had a love to spite it.
:/
105 · Aug 2020
near my house
Cece Aug 2020
the golf course near my house
is that manicured kind of pretty
that makes me want to sneak in at night
and scatter wildflower seeds in the wind
to create a little bit of chaotic beauty.
the houses on the street in front are identical in everything but color,
down to even the bushes,
spaced each exactly a foot apart.
the lawns are trimmed to perfection and back again,
no room for natural biodiversity in sight.
no dandelions to pick and make any wishes,
no soft moss for bare feet to enjoy,
no flowers for the bees to pollinate.
the whole neighborhood
is that manicured kind of pretty,
where everything has to be palatable to the organized,
never too much of anything at all.
I simply don’t write poetry anymore unless I’m very inspired by anything ****

— The End —