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Mar 2020 · 418
No One
If I couldn't feel
Would you call me strong?
If my eyes never started to well,
Would I be good enough?
If I was dependent
If I was putting out
Would I ever be liked
By someone that I loved?
Or would there still be no one

If I was less of myself
More of everyone else
Would you think that I was nice?
If I blended into the crowd,
Would that surprise you?
Would it make me
Just another victim
To your sightless eyes?
Or would I just be no one?

If I was a girl that could be loved
Just as easily as it spilled from my blood
Would you love me then?
Maybe if I was pretty enough,
Perhaps I had a smile,
If my defense wasn't to be rough
And live in constant denial,
Would you see me then?
Or would I still be no one

I am tired of living under a guise
Of words that cut like a knife
And being unseen
To the nakedest of eyes
They wonder why I am so tough,
Why I have never shed a single tear
They must think that my life is fine,
That it's better to hurt than be hurt
But they don't no how much hurt
Goes into being no one
I am unseen to everyone I have ever loved
I am gone
To all of those that I will ever want
But maybe I can just continue
To be no one
Mar 2020 · 108
Anybody There?
Anybody there?
I ask in my head,
Answered by silence
Something isn't right
There was always a voice
Telling me I'm a loser
Or something of the sort
But today there was no voice
Not even a whisper

I want my enemy back
I want her to tell me something bad
To feel something again
But when I ask if anyone is there
I am answered with a lack
Something missing
That will probably be back
Goodbye for now
My long lost friend
I'll ask later
Is anybody there?
Only on rare occasions
I am happy
Today was one of them
The voice is gone in my head
And for this I am grateful
Mar 2020 · 114
The Rain
The rain falls on the other side of the fence
More than you could possibly know
Flooding the attic
Rather than the basement below
The rain continues to poor
As you look on pretending not to know
As the wind picks up
And send the rain, and the person causing it
Running away
The rain falls on her pillow
With the curt words you said
Terms sharper than any blade
That scraped across her mind

I watch as your relationship festers
And grows old
When the wounds in her mind
Begin to rot
She starts changing herself
Into something she is not
The rain has bent her will to live
Marking her as someone you know
Leaving behind the trails
Making something that will show

Scars on her wrist
From your blunt words
Telling her how worthless she is
And how much she should let it end
I don't think that she could be helped
But she deserves your time
I wish you had known her
Before you called her yours
Rain continues to fall on our little town
Flooding the attics of innocents
That are completely unknowing
As you make your way around
Talking to strangers that you've found
Mar 2020 · 199
Trusting Time
I've been told to trust time
Like somehow it would save me from the night
When my dreams threaten to eat me alive
Like festering rot
That continued to develop over trusted time

When I was told to trust in time
I took his advice
I truly thought that everything
Would simply be alright
But time started to devour my bones
Leaving me without a soul

I've been trusting time
For a while now
Waiting for it to save me
But maybe time
Is what was wrong with me to begin with

My march towards a place without time
Is growing increasingly fast
As I sit on my bed, I wonder
How long I will last
Mar 2020 · 292
Handprints on the Glass
There were handprints on the glass
Trying to get as close as possible
When the person has been gone for so long
And only one person has come to visit
When almost all hope is lost
Someone will come
To leave their handprints on the glass

You have been here for so long
Never tempting me to come
And look at the handprints on the glass
Try to get close
To a person who hurts me the most
But here they are
The handprints on the glass
Tell me to reach out
To the cold smooth surface
That stings to the touch

I never wanted to leave handprints on the glass
I know you never wanted to either
Mar 2020 · 204
Trapper
I trap my demons
Make them cower and bleed
In a cage that I made
Sometimes they fight back
Tell me of all the things I did in the past
All of the reasons that I'm
Never going to be good enough
But I pull out my blade
And start slashing away
If anything happened
To the trapper
I would be gone

The trapper sits in my mind
Watching me scream
As the friend
Becomes my enemy
He holds me still
With new found knowledge
And watches as I squirm
Holding me hostage
With his vile words

There was no ransom note
No call for money
Just the trapper
Alone with me
He watches as I twist
And writhe
With the words that spill from his lips
The fog around me
Starts to get thicker
As the words start to get worse
The trapper has kept me here
With his indescribable terms

Inhuman snares
Lie in wait
For my horrible person
And all of my suppressed emotions
Rage, and try to get free
But nothing is free
In the eyes of the trapper
And nothing
Ever will be
Mar 2020 · 55
Standing There
She stood there
Wearing her gray garb
She looked at me
Almost wonder where you were
She didn't want to wear black
She didn't want to wear white
She has come to this place
Just enough times
To know that with it comes heartache
And pain
So on her wedding day
She decided not to wear white
Mar 2020 · 35
Without Seeing
I have looked upon everything
Without really seeing
And I have gone throughout life
Without really being
Not much has made sense
Let alone been easy
But I have continued on
Looking without ever seeing

Maybe life is better this way
I don't have see what has been done
I don't have to listen to depressing stories
I don't have to watch the news
And pray every night
Hoping these people find some kind of savior
But maybe if I looked without seeing
Heard without listening
Life would be better
Mar 2020 · 380
Without Meaning
The words mean nothing
As I try to fill my writing full of emotion
And nothing can lift me up
Let alone drag me down
There is nothing I can do
To describe the meaningless words
But write down some more
Nothing has any meaning
Not a single word

It hurts me to say
To bring myself to this grim truth
But it hurts me to be here sitting next to you
My meaningless words
Are not just on paper
But the garbled speech coming out of my mouth
And I couldn't say anything to you
Nothing at all
But I was hoping to say just one thing
I'm sorry for my meaningless words
I'm sorry for everything I've done
I wish that I never done anything at all
Mar 2020 · 129
Breaking Apart
Broken words
Sharper than glass
Break the girl's heart
As the blade breaks her skin
What you had done
Has broken her apart
She wanted your love
She wanted to know that you cared
But when she found out the truth
And how many miles away it was
She started breaking apart

She wanted your love
She wanted you heart
But she never wanted you
To break her apart
Harsh break ups all around me right now! Figured I write about some of them
Mar 2020 · 168
Someone Said To Me
Someone said to me they didn't want me
I was far too harsh to be loved
Far too scared to be nice
Someone said to me
I wasn't capable of feeling love
I wasn't ever going to be relaxed

Someone said to me the reason people don't like me
Is because I'm far too strong
In will, in personality
To ever be wanted

They all started talking
Saying things that weren't true
Someone said they didn't want me
Because of the way I am
Mar 2020 · 62
Goodbye
You said goodbye
You told me to leave
I skulked away
Hoping that you would find me
But you stayed there
And watched me cry
But little did you know
The memory of you was about to die

I never got to say goodbye
As the memory of you faded away
It was to late
As you slipped from my mind
I should say good riddance
But now all I want to do is say goodbye
Mar 2020 · 37
Moonlit Forest
The moon shines on this forest tonight
As you lie here next to me
And I turn my head trying to meet your eyes
It is then that my delusion of you disappears
And everything is the way that it should be

But who am I to say anything
When the moonlit forest shines so bright
And the tree bows are bathed
In soft silvery light and everything
Is a glow in this lovely night

This moonlit forest surrounds me
As I plead for help
And my desperation turns to anxiety
Everything that is there
Is not supposed to be

In this moonlit forest,
Nothing is as it should be
Mar 2020 · 121
If
If
If a sea could made of tears
Mine would overflow
If something could burn
You from the inside out
I would be ash
If you could drown in shame
My lungs would be full of water
If it was a crime to love someone
That made you hate yourself
I would be charged 20 years to life
Mar 2020 · 31
You
You
Sometimes when you’re around me
It hurts to breath
I sit here and wonder how the hell you can’t see it
My everlasting love that feels more like anguish
But I can’t back away
I can’t seem to see the truth
Even though sometimes I would tell my friends about you
But somehow, even if I didn’t feel it I knew
I knew that you were bad, and you were no good
And that you would never fall in love with me
Even if you could
But I still did
I let this small school girl crush consume me
People don’t see it, at least they don’t want to
But I wonder how blind they are
When I can see how much you love her
And how much she loves you
Mar 2020 · 42
Don't let it show
Don't let it show
It will **** you if you do
But I fear nothing the way I fear you
And you look at me as if I've gone mad
But you keep me tied in these chains
If only you knew
Mar 2020 · 87
Something
If there were poisons that you had to drink with every grudge
I would be beyond dead
If there were knives that stuck into your soul with every tear
I would be a human porcupine quills made of steel
If there was a bullet hole for every worthless love
I would look like a mushroom without spores
If there was something for everything
I would be nothing
Mar 2020 · 46
Meet You There
See you in hell
They all whispered in her ear
Little did they know
That she was dying to meet them there

There was finally a place where she could just be
And not have anyone judge her for who she was
But they never met her in hell
They all went down better paths
And she was left all alone
But at least now she could be true to herself
Mar 2020 · 147
Crumpled Paper
The paper was crumpled
Where her tears had fallen from the air
She put everything into the pencil marks on the page
Until the day in which it was torn away
She cried so more when people read the words
And called her strange for feeling something inside

The only thing strange was that she felt what they did
Only so much more
They were too scared to show it
Too scared to write it down
Until that day when her tears streaked
The crumpled paper
In which her feelings were shown

She was one of them too
She knew that they would never know
How it felt to have it all there
On the crumpled paper
Because the paper never called you strange
It knew all too well that pain that you were feeling
And everything that you were going through
She found that crumpled
Piece of paper
Quite relatable
Feb 2020 · 31
Just Because
Just because I told you
That I like you
Doesn't mean that I want you
Maybe that is completely unfathomable
To your simple little mind
But just because I told you
Doesn't mean that I want you to be mine
Feb 2020 · 189
Absent
I'm here in presence
But not in mind
In my head, I am running away with you
Down road that no one knew
And we talk about all the things we dreamed of
Even as I'm not the one that you want

But I can sit here
Absentmindedly
Picking at all of my clothes
Waiting for you to come and take me away
Even though I know
I will never see that day
Feb 2020 · 55
Out
Out
Sorry, I'm out of emotion to put into my poems
I'm done writing because I am too tired to think of a plot
Rhyming is to hard to do and I have no idea what next
But I'm just out
That's all I can say
I have nothing to say
No more to feel
And the cold hand knocking on my door
Hasn't evoked any fear

I wish that I wasn't out
I wish there was something
To keep me from breaking down
But alas, I shall just sit here
Out
Feb 2020 · 34
The Girl Who Told Me
She told me that she wanted to die
She told me that she wanted to go away
She told me she held a gun to her head the other day
I wanted to help
To fix her problems
But I knew that I couldn't fix them
I just wanted her to feel better

I could tell about her to our school counselor
But what good would that do?
She would just hate me more
And give her one less reason to live

She told me she wanted to die
That she had held a silver gun to her head
That she sat in the corner wishing for death
Her mom had walked in
Saw the gun to her head
And I knew she would have done it

She told me she wanted to die
And now all she wants is to be alive
I don't know how to handle this situation, I'm going to tell the school counselor, but I just wanted to put it into words
Feb 2020 · 43
Drained
I write so much
I just want the emotion to flow
But now I'm just drained
Tears wait on my lids
To trickle down my weary cheeks
And now the time has come to leave

Goodbye my friends I'll miss you so
I am terribly sorry that I have to go
I'm drained from my head to my toes
So tired of all the people I know
Feb 2020 · 103
Casted Shadows
I've always hidden in the shadows
Casted by everyone I've ever known
But I've never casted a shadow for anyone
Not even to block my eyes their sun
Feb 2020 · 44
Glassy Eyes
You have the eyes of a fool
The fool who sits in the corner
And thinks of less than honorable things
While we are stuck here shivering
In the presence of your glassy eyes

You chuckle when we quiver
You smile when we fight back
You gasp when we leave
Because you thought you had enough
Power to hold us back

You snicker when we look away
And think it was just because you caught us looking
But we're looking because we want to take you down
And we are planning all of your weak spots
Wondering where it will hurt the most

I don't want to be trapped
By you and your glassy eyes
Don't worry, nothing's going on. Just got the insperation from a book I'm reading!
Feb 2020 · 217
Seasonal Feelings
Something lights from within
And a fire boils my blood
I have seasonal feeling
Let's make it known to everyone

There's nothing I can do
When spring turns to summer
And summer fades into fall
Finally I reach winter
The one I've been waiting for most of all

You never really had feelings for me
So I pretend you do
When the world reached that season
That I fell in love with you
Feb 2020 · 53
My Escape
I came here to escape
To find refuge in people like me
Guess I ran for no reason
Because they found me here
I ran from life
From things that caused to much pressure
But I ran for nothing at all
Because here they are

As the dull whispers of night
Become hopeless to obtain
I run here
Try to find my escape
But the trees touch my hair
Comb through all of my problems
And the mountains block the sun
Just another thing that I've been running from

My escape was fun while it lasted
I ran for all my might
But they have found me here
All of the problem that I ran from
Feb 2020 · 98
A poem for happiness
All of the people around me want me to be happy
I can't say that I don't deserve it
But it certainly is hard to write it
I wanted to have full control
To have the reader in my grasp
I wanted to see them writhe with pain
That I will always have

I don't let go of my past
It will never truly fade
Even though I should let it go
I can never truly move on
Sometimes I just want other people to hear me out
To understand that I am who I am for a reason

I wanted to write a poem for happiness
But for me, I think that it can never truly be done
Feb 2020 · 67
I Should Tell Him
I told him the other day what I was feeling
He looked me in the eyes and left me where I was standing
He has a way of making me smile
While I cry on the inside
And the odd ability of making me mad
When I'm ecstatic just to be in his space

It felt so good to finally be known
Even if was right in front of his girl
But what do I care
When the feelings I have eat me up
I have to say something before I am eaten alive
And it that is telling you that I love you
That's just what's going to happen
Sorry to you, TR I never meant to cause any issues. I hope you know that!
Feb 2020 · 141
Nothing I Could Do
There was nothing I could do
As the knife sunk into your flesh
I was unaware
Of all the pain that I was causing you
The blade that I had
Steadily sinking into you skin
And there was nothing I could do
But say sorry and beg for acceptance from you

I'm so sorry that I hurt you
I never meant you any harm
Sorry for all of the lies that I told
And sorry for the times that you believed them

But there was nothing I could do
As the blade I wielded broke your flesh
And the marks that I made deepened
Causing so much pain

But there was nothing that I could do
There was nothing to be done that could possibly save you
This poem I wrote for a couple of reasons, the first one would be all the times I lied to please another person, two, is for all of the people who have hurt people to keep them away (including me) and three is for all of the people who died because there was something going on in their life that just didn't make it worth living.
Feb 2020 · 49
Entertain Us
We sit here waiting, telling you to write
So we can read something that makes us feel inside
But when the author is in pain
We feel the most
Because pain is the easiest thing to feel
We can all relate
We sit amazed as we are cut by the author's blade

I've wrote enough poems to entertain a country
I've let people with a knife made of words left twisted in their chest
Some of them guak and wonder how they found entertainment
My words are harsh
They are blunt
But my blade made of words
Is enough to entertain all of us
This was wrote because I don't generally like people, and I was tired of them, so I wrote something to entertain people
Feb 2020 · 38
Momentary
I continue to lie to myself
Tell myself that everything is fine
And that I'm jolly right
But that's not the truth
I mean why would it be
When everything is so momentary

My voice is monotone
My emotions dull
As my heart beats like a persistent drum
I've been trying to find my own nirvana
My escape from pain
I thought I found it
Turns out that it was a trap
Feb 2020 · 43
Thanks
A word that falls so easily from parted lips
Something that rarely anyone means,
But is always said
I wonder how you can lie there in you bed
And not think about all the things you've done

But we all say thanks
We all think that you're great
We walk around the halls to find ourselves blinded by love
For a guy we don't know
A guy who doesn't care
But now I've fallen into the trap of your beauty
You've glued me into your web

Now all I can say is thanks
I was going to write a poem about chains and dungeons
Just to illustrate how you had trapped me
But that wasn't true
You haven't trapped me
I have trapped myself
In your strange wake that bring me near
Then pushes me back out the ocean of the people caught on your riptide

I was going to write a poem about chains and dungeons
Just so that I could tell about what you had done
How you had kept me there to torture me
And how you didn't know that you were
But then I found that it was all a lie

I was going to write about chains and dungeons
Tell about how you did this to me
But I decided to tell the truth about  this cage
It's made of the strongest brick,
The biggest chains that wrap around me like a python
But this torture
It's self-imposed
Feb 2020 · 327
If I had known
If I had know that I was going to write a poem about you I wouldn't have
If I known I would fall in love with you
I would have never met you
And if I had known how much I would hurt
I would have already been dead

But that's not the way that it works, is it?
We are to find love
Find pain
And everything that goes with
But I never wanted this I never wanted to feel
I hated it so much
You hated me so much
But I can't do much about it now,
Can I?

If I had know
I would never had felt this way
I would have never had my heart leap
And jump out of my chest
If I had known
So much would be different
And you would be long gone
Feb 2020 · 121
A Poem For Life
I wish there was a poem for life
Not so many written in the late hours of the night
One that could express love and anguish
All in the same sentence
One that could describe grief and the feeling of a knife
All in the same line

A poem that you could memorize
And tell it to yourself
On all the lonely nights
A poem that could make you laugh and cry
In one sonnet
You would thank whoever wrote it
And cry when they said they didn't
Then your tears would fill yet another ocean

Some people have told me my dreams are something I will never reach
And I have told them to wait until they can really see
Some of them do
They wait for me to succeed but others just sit there
Plan
Commiserate
And curse me when I got there just fine
I laugh when I wish for something
Than obtain it the minute

I wished for a poem of life
It turns out I've already wrote it
Feb 2020 · 47
The Meadow
A blade of grass tickles your ankle
As a weeping willow branch whisps against your face
You see her standing there with the same pearly skin and white smile
You welcome her into your arms
Smell her blonde hair as it shines in the sun
Flowery vines hang from a place you cannot see

You come to visit her every so often
When you have time to spare
The light shines off her skin, so fare
The love you feel is out of this world

Suddenly she dissolves
A figment of your imagination
But so many other people come to see her
You wonder how you could possibly let her go
She is gone
But you keep her here
In a memory
Something sweeter than honey
Smoother than silk
And even more beautiful
Than any other meadow
Feb 2020 · 44
Nothing More Dangerous
Nothing more dangerous than the blade tearing into my skin
Nothing scarier than the exhilarating pain that comes from the knife
You told me that I was ******* up
That there was something wrong with me
I didn't argue with you
For I knew that it was true
And I wonder what you have done with my blade

It felt so right
Blade covered in my blood
The little wounds on my arm that declared me insane
Until you told me that I needed a change

You ask me now, 'would you still do it, if given the choice?'
I say no and keep playing the most dangerous game
Little do you know that I still yearn for the silvery blade
The feel of the knife against skin
Perfect little marks on my arm
Calling me with their raised red bits of skin
There's nothing more dangerous than your brain, what you think
And being truly insane
Feb 2020 · 93
Seeking Something Dark
The shadows roll over me
Eat me alive
I let them because I know they are my friends
They hide me from society
The jungle of a community that we call the earth

I seek something dark in the middle of the day
Wishing you would just bring me inevitable pain
Seeking something dark
I'm hiding from you
Hiding from who you are

Seeking something dark
I let you overwhelm my pain
When you take over my brain
You leave me alone and unfeeling
Seeking something dark
Leave me alone in an unclear murk
I hope this relates to someone. Hopefully I won't leave yo in an unclear murk.
Feb 2020 · 170
Consuming
Fear is consuming
I don't want to live
But I'm too scared to die
I wonder what I'm worth
If my life is worth anything at all

Depression is consuming
It eats away at me with it's acidic teeth
I have been poisoned
This is what depression does to me

Emotions consume me
Leaving me alone and afraid
Fear fills my bones
As I wonder what is there left to live for
Is there anything left to live for
Other than the rainy days that me feel right
And the way I feel on those lonely gloomy nights

People don't understand why there's nothing left of me
I have been consumed by everything I find consuming
Feb 2020 · 149
Rylie's Sasha
Her eyes are a green ocean that you could float in all day
Her fur a crimson that will wash you away
My smile grows when I look at her face
And I find myself when I pet her softly

A beauty everyday of the week
My Sasha is truly unique
Her mellow attitude and gentle breath
With put me to sleep, a gentle caress
Sasha is the most beautiful one
Sasha is Rylie's dog
This was written for one of my friends. Hope you like it Rylie!
Feb 2020 · 126
Alone
I'm here alone
Are you happy
I fear you so much
You have stopped me
From making of fool
Of myself and my friends
But you have kept me at bay
Diminishing my existence
Hope that you're happy that I'm alone

Fear is what keeps me going
Fear is what keeps me back
My loneliness is what keeps me happy
Your complaints are what make you human
Your hate for me is what keeps you incorrigible
And I am here left alone
Feb 2020 · 43
Undone
There is little reward for saying I told you so
Little feeling in saying I love you
So much hurt in saying I need you
So much longing in saying I want you
But I can't say it
I fear you and your words
Instead of getting closer to you
I start walking away
We got too close too fast
And now I feel lost in a sea so vast
No one could get me even if they asked

I back away from you
There is a hidden message in every move I make
A secret so big that you wouldn't be able to take it
Everything that happens is a warning
Something that you continue to blind yourself from
You pretend that I don't fear you
And I pretend that there's nothing I can do
Everything is a lie between us
Our life together is coming undone
Feb 2020 · 41
I wish you knew
The people wearing cheap clothes are the ones you hate most
And all of the girls in pink are the ones of whom you boast
You tell are you friends that you're dating a *****
And everyone of them nods their head and does nothing to disagree
I wish you had known
I wish you had known

You walk down the hall in a red and black letterman
You pretend like no one sees when you know they watch with bated breath
She thinks that you love her for who she is not her shape or her fashionable clothes
She thinks that you care even if you really don't
And all you really want is to feel her skin, look into those blue eyes
Feel that feeling that she always seems to give you
She doesn't make you feel love, she makes you feel alive
I wish you could know
I wish you could know

She sits on the roof where you shared your first kiss
Waiting for you, the lover of she will miss
She knows you don't love her
That you're probably somewhere with another girl who cares not about her
But you don't know that the girl in pink wishes you would care
You don't know how she will still love you through hell and everything else

Instead you sit there content and think of nothing but her curves
Her blonde hair, the way that you should care but can't bring yourself to do so
I wish you knew
I wish you could know why she jumped off that roof
Feb 2020 · 37
Shattered Glass
If I was a window
My glass would be *****
Clouded by judgement
Shattered by people I knew
Some the people I love

If I was glass
I would be dust
The glass that you walk on
Forever stuck in the soles of shoes

I wish I was not the glass that people broke
I wish I wasn't the shattered glass they say I am
The fragile mess they want me to be
I am the most ****** beautiful shattered glass you've ever seen
Hopefully this relates to someone other than myself. Hopefully I speak your truth
Feb 2020 · 63
The Night
The darkness wraps around me like a long lost cloak
The night is young, the night is old
I wandered the woods many a night
The tree bows gently touching my hair
They pat my head and tell me that everything is okay
The night is my escape of inescapable pain

— The End —