Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling
You know how when you’re not ok but you try so hard to pretend you’re ok that it becomes a ritual
I’m really scared
Im loosing it
My fragile mind
Slowly bruising it
I think too much
it’s my fault
But I keep doing it
im leaving soon
so imma share every moment with you
because im selfish and i want it to hurt
To finish your own life by hand,
May seem like the right thing to do.
But to free yourself from this land,
Is to imprison those that love you.
Top hats and bow ties
sweet heart candies and deep red dresses
a meaningless fantasy that I should've never had,
not with you anyways.
Frizzy hair underneath grey fedoras
and bright eyes below dark eye lashes and excessive amounts of eyeliner.
This is life now,
me with my caked on makeup and poorly died hair
tea and nose rings.
Strangely enough, I think they go together well.
Teenage years and a different sexuality,
drivers license and a new gender.
Small crisis and a big smile,
fake laughter, and very real tears.
What a year.
What a year
I'll give you something to cry about!
I'll give you a transcript of all the things you said
a record of all the things you did
a clever recollection for you to look at
after you're done looking at my corpse.
I'll give you a mistress and traumatic time,
I won't, however, give you custody of the kids,
or even allow visitation.
I'll be a cruel *******, and give you a miserable life.
My plan was to get you hooked on money,
and my stupid ******* personality,
dictatorship and addicts withdrawal are sure to ensue.
Miss. Elizabeth Ann,
I'll give you a good time,
only until I find someone different.
Inspiration from the Betty Broderick/***** John series.
isn't it funny,
he was hell for her
but she didn't mind burning at all
stainless steel and skin
do make the worst of friends
survive and protect
will love always leave
is light simply a lie
play god and death defy
electric is my mind
my heart is numb and small
Over walls cold and tall
am i just worth not
the love ; you're unaware.
i'll go deeper so you care
my mind only filled
with endorphins happy red
of life; the raccoon fed
stainless steel and skin
do make the best of friends
the cuts and seams i penned
the journey of self harm - from the time you use it when you're sad, to the time it's your only source of happiness