Back and forth,
What am I worth,
My brain tells me not much,
Maybe you can cure it with a touch,

If they want you, you'll feel better,
Just let them take off your sweater,
Let them rip away your skin and flesh,
Until your damaged soul is all that's left,

Kiss me harder, make me feel something, anything at all,
This numbness is written all over me like graffiti on a wall,
I will give myself up, my body,
Isn't that what you want,
And then you'll walk all over me and away from me,
All nonchalant,

The highs don't help me outrun the lows,
Impulsive decisions are always in tow,
Who am I,
The party girl or the sad one,
Maybe both,
I feel everything and then I feel numb,

Please doctor tell me what to do,
Because I don't know what is true,
I'm in a constant tug of war,
I want to feel less yet I long to feel more,
How do I stop these wolves inside,
Because I'm tired of fighting for my life.

How can I kiss you when it's her lips that I fantasize about?
How can I know you when, with her soul, mine is intertwined?
How can I let you hold me when I wish I was in her arms?
How can I love you when I can't get her off my mind?

I want to be looked at by you the way people look at eachother in the movies,
With that longing, that "I never want to look at anyone else" kind of gaze,
I want you to kiss me and get the same butterflies that people read about,
I want the peaceful mornings waking up in your arms,
I want the late nights whispering things that no one else will hear,
I want the simple, passionate, complete love that you find in fictional worlds

You have always been my greatest 'what if',
What if our timing was better,
What if you loved me more,
What if you decided I was worth it,
What if you didn't have an internal war,

If you want to know what I think,
I think that you're scared,
Of letting someone in,
Of someone looking at you and really seeing you, and not being visually impaired,

I wish we could capture the little moments,
Where its only you and me,
But I'm afraid maybe you're not fully in it,
I thought it was love but maybe you don't agree,

I'll always put your happiness before my own,
And if you want me to go, I shall,
And no matter how much it pains me,
I'll let you go and I'll drift away along the canal

Isn't it strange,
How one moment you feel like you finally are okay only to have it ripped away from you,

And you feel so naive for even thinking for a second that something could go so well,

And moments later you are stuck laying on the cold ground not knowing what to do,

And you feel so alone and helpless like you are in your own personal hell,

And you're so **** angry,

For letting yourself believe,

For thinking someone could love you,

But everyone eventually leaves,

And you're so **** numb,

You've forced yourself to be,

And you feel so dumb,

And you think who's to blame?

Me.

Darling do you have any idea what you've done?
It's a dangerous thing, flying this close to the sun,
You are being selfish, ruthless,
Yet you continue to fly on,

But what will happen when your wings melt away?
What will happen when you take too much and end up with nothing that will stay?

Icarus, my beautiful fool, if you fall from such a height, I may not be able to catch you,
Not without destroying myself too,

So my angel, you must decide,
Fall or stay by my side,

For the glory of the sky lasts but a minute,
But the unselfishness of love lasts a lifetime,

The tide comes in and I walk out,
Out to sea,

I hear the melancholy moan of the breeze,
and feel the waves wash over me,

My brain tells me to go back,
My heart tells me to go on,
To keep treading,
Keep treading along,

Let the salty air out of my lungs,
And the water fill them up,

At first I'm coughing,
Gasping for air,
But after a while,
Calmness is all that is there,

My body is limp,
And my lips are blue,
But my heart is full,
And all that's left to do,

Is drift further out,
'Neath the blue ocean waves,
And there I will be,
Always to stay,

I have a scratched record for a brain,
Its stuck on a loop and sometimes the pain,
Its unbearable,
But the only thing to drown out the noise is more noise,

So my fingers pluck the strings,
My lips shape the words,
And I close my eyes and lose myself,
And the sounds fly away like birds

Some days the sun doesn't shine,
Not because there are clouds in the sky,
But simply because the sun has run out of energy to give,
Run out of heat and people are asking why,

But all he can say is "that's a **** good question",
But he knows exactly why and yet has no idea why,
and maybe that is why the sun doesn't shine today,
Because even he doesn't understand himself.

I want that can't sleep, can't think type of love,
I want the dizzy,dreamy type of love,
I want the kind of love that keeps you dreaming when you aren't even asleep,
I want the type of love that doesn't just give you butterflies in your stomach, but gives you your own wings so that you can fly,
I want the type of love that I have always written poetry about,
And I'm scared that the only place that I will find that type of love is in my thoughts

Often I feel homesick for a place I've never been,
And often I feel the ache of missing a person I have yet to meet,
Perhaps it's feelings that have escaped from an alternate reality,
Or perhaps I am just strange,
And perhaps I will never know which is accurate.

I feel as though I'm not really living my life.
It's as if my life is a black and white movie and I am the lone audience member in a run down theater.
I live day to day feeling as though I am watching myself through blurred lenses and never really knowing exactly who I am.

Who am I?
I know not what to tell you,
There are so many different versions of myself floating around inside of me that I don't know which one is the truth,
I don't know which one is the real me and which are simply images,reflections of a confused and dazed girl.

I am a breathing,living display of irony,
I am the happiest depressed girl you will ever meet,
I am the most confidently insecure girl you will ever know,
I constantly live in a state of calming panic
And most days I feel everything at once yet nothing at all.

I'm longing for the sweet taste of summer to fill the air,
For my feet to dip into cool rivers in the woods,
For smooth legs and sun kissed skin,
For unexpected rain storms that we will slow dance in,
For the nectar of a ripe peach to kiss my lips,
For the days where my soul is warm and daffodils bloom upon my heart,
For the nights where I'm curled up with you sharing a sleeping bag under the stars,
For the adventures we will have, running through an open field,
For the memories we will makes, memories we will talk about years from now when life isn't so simple.

Someone once asked me why I love the rain,
This was my reply:
I love the rain because it makes me think that if something as vast as the sky can shed tears,
Then maybe it's not so bad that I do as well,
And it reminds me that no matter how bad the storm, the rainbow will appear and we will pick up the rubble and rebuild what was broken.

And you see, my dear, that was the difference between you and him,
I was in love with the idea of being with him,
The idea of adrenaline pumping through my veins,
But with you,
Oh with you,
I truly fell,
I loved every little thing,
The crinkle of your nose when you laughed,
The way your delicate fingers interlaced with mine,
The way you would fall asleep listening to my heart beat,
The heart that beats your name on repeat like one of your scratched records

Do you ever think about how everyone has their own personal version of the world?
Everyone is seeing through different colored lenses,
Some people may see beauty while others see pain,
Some see sunshine while others see rain,
But no matter what one thing remains the same,

Everyone has something or someone they care about,
And if you really care about something, you should never let it go,
Because only by caring,
Will we ever truly grow

Your voice wafted through my soul like a breeze through an open window,
With every word, I melted a bit more,
It was then that I realized I was falling,
But I didn't want to fall, for if you don't catch me I will shatter,
And I'm not quite sure if you can handle the weight of my heart,
And I'm not quite sure if after I break, would you glue me back together or sweep me away into a dust pan to be thrown out?

Words are the most versatile form of magic,
They can both heal and destroy,
A single word can break a heart or put it back together,
Words can ground you to reality or whisk you away to a place limited only by your imagination,

I embrace the power of words, but I also am wise enough to fear them,
Because words are the most dangerous weapon humanity owns,
Yet it is also the most easily accessible,
Isn't that ironic.

The sun in my eyes and the wind in my hair,
The open road ahead of us bringing us anywhere and nowhere,
We are driving without a destination,
For once, not searching to be at a location,

The radio is blasting Van Halen,
Bringing us back to the days when,
We didn't have a care in the world because we weren't yet older,
And the sun placed gentle kisses on our shoulders,

And the best part is that we are together,
In hard times and times like these,
We are together,
We will always be togther,
Because you are my best friends, my family,
And that will never change.

Sometimes I wish there was a volume **** for my mind,
Because some nights it's on full blast and I get overwhelmed,
Its nights like these when it's 2 a.m and the noise is deafening,
Its nights like these when I can't fall asleep because my thoughts are set on a loop,

But sometimes, when I'm with you, it turns off,
You touch me and all of the noise is absorbed by your fingertips,
Your arms create a soundproof wall surrounding my mind,
Its nights like these that you trace your lips across my skin and whisper "I love you",
Its nights like these that I forget all of the pain,
And for a moment,
For a night,
Everything is quiet.

I want you to bring me to all of the beautiful places in the world,
And I know its selfish but I want you to be looking at me, not the view,
I just want to feel loved and warm inside,
And I want to be sure that you wont move on and find someone new

I'm losing myself,
The girl I've always thought myself to be is fading away,
I've taken my personality and stored it on an ancient, dusty shelf,
And I always say that it's just for today,

But today turns into tomorrow,
And tomorrow turns into weeks,
Months,
Where I put myself aside because I would rather feel nothing than feel weak,

The numbness is scary,
Scary because its comfortable,
Because for once I dont have to feel weary,
Like I'm falling down a rabbit hole,

Today is one of those days,
That will turn into tomorrow,
That will turn into weeks,
And months,
So that I don't feel weak.

Frigid are the waters in the depth of my soul,
Creatures unknown lurk beneath the surface,
I sit on an island in the middle of the lake, waiting,
For someone to show up with a purpose,

I'm waiting, oh I'm waiting,
For someone oh so bold,
I'm waiting, oh I'm waiting,
For someone willing to brave the cold,

And secretly I'm hoping,
That person might be you,
For braving your cold waters in return,
Is something I could do.