I can see your eyes
Tearing up with dust
You've triped from grace far too many times
The rest of you
Has fallen Though the floor
Your finger nails clinging onto old accolades and awards
As your feet lay under floorboards

A line of emotion
Ended with a full stop
Ready for a picturesque funurel
Upon these pages

I don't believe in heaven
But we've got one chance before death
To create our own

I tattoo my thoughts to paper
Hoping that someday somebody will read a line that will change there mind
Help them grow and add new direction to there life
But sadly all my poems aren't joyful and happy
In ten years time I want to look back
And realise I survived the times I thought were darkest
I just want People to realise there not alone  
it's more common than you know
And Evey hurdle is there to be conquered
Just take the time and analyse
In the deepest breaths you'll find a way around

I woke from a nightmare
To the sun laying next to me in the middle of the night
And your warmth gentaly rocked me back to sleep
You became a new sun when my head convinced me my world had ended

I felt my organs fighting a good fight
But my body giving in
Declining the offering of nutrients
Do you remember I told you I was going to die?
Do you remember telling me I was the apple of you eye
But I wouldn't even eat the fruit they gave me
The next morning I woke with you by my side
Worrying I didn't make it through the night
And dissent dreams of eating at restaurant's
Feeling out of sight.

Play victim
Make me lose my head
And say something I'll regret
You know you're in the wrong
So focus on the former
And don't let the latter kick in
Anything but the matter
Ignoring all the questions
So you can play blind to the facts
Hide behind your mask
Created from turning your back
I'll hide behind mine
Created by doubt and always bringing up the past
I wish I could scream and shout like you

I wake up every other day wishing I could just **** the pain
Or just jump ship and never see another again
This ship is sinking
In this sea of thoughts and feelings
Then you notice your phone there's a message at the tone
Her voice rings through your soul
Your my symbol of hope
A SOS when i feel alone
Take a shower
Watch the water drain away
Wishing it could carry the pain away
I'll hold my breath, I'll tempt death
But in those moments
My body and mind are side by side
I can feel the water in my eyes
I guess this is how it is to be alive
Get up, get dressed and meet your girl
I'll find the strength even at my lowest depths just to see her smile
I'll never let her see that side
That's the only secret I'll ever hide
Reject that frown
I'll never let this ship go down
Even when I'm sinking she makes me float
She's the life raft and I'm the boat
And I don't understand why she's given me a chance just some lonely broken kid with a fake smile and nothing much to give chilling in a maiden shirt listening to offspring
I'm not her Normal type
From the lowest of all clicks
The bottom of the food chain
A goldfish in the ocean
Take a deep breath you're going under
The currents pulling your mind astray
Drowning in my bottled up ways
You'll talk on the phone
Just so she can moan about
All her worries and her fears and  the occasional tears
But you don't mind
You're her rock in her hard time
The thoughts in your head decline and you're no longer stranded out at tide  
That fake smile you provide is Keeping her alive
If only you knew you're the picture in her head
The strength that pulls her out of bed
And you don't understand why she's given you a chance.

Inhale, exhale
Breath you in and out
I may get tired and worn out
But giving up on you is something I won't do
While I have air in my lungs
And a heart that craves to be what you call home

The trees are naked and showing their wood

I wish I could meet him
Have a heart to heart
Ask a few questions and talk it out
I'll be the interviewer
You be Theresa May lie about strong and stable til you're blue in the face
"Why me?" I ask
You slip on your words and I swear I hear you say
"You've got to understand i only plague the mind of the strong and we need to learn to get along"
I sit up at the edge of my bed questioning why I'm talking to myself  
I'm not that gone yet.
I'll find the common strength to overcome myself .

Mimicking summer from my window
Short sleeves and shorts
The radiator heat, The blue skies and sunshine
YouTube and Trophy eyes lives
Mask and disguise the cold outside
I'll get through these months knowing that summer can be a permanent state of mind

If you were the tide
And I was the sand
I'd pray for you upon these shores  
To build a castle
That we could call home
And when you decline
My love won't be following far behind

I might be in your bad books
But least you've written me down
I know we've got history
In a black book
A front bottoms ticket and relics of unconditional trust
The sort of thing that could break a man
with the code words it's not long now, it's not long I'll see you around
Eight hour round trips worth every mile
Do you remember how we fashioned junk food and late night TV as our new found routine
And I know this Saga is far from over plot twists no blank pages
We won't follow the lines
Stumble into the margin
Avoiding holes pre punched for us
Doodle my my name on almost anything
Least you've written me down.

I'm tall enough now for my head to meet head to head with the shower
I'm only hundred and ten pounds and the tale of the tapes against me
I know you haven't noticed
But my feet hang out the bunk beds at your house
Seasons have come and gone since I stayed the weekend
but I've pushed through the weeks learned to use this swing without you
I believe in photosynthesis, self growth and the strength to overcome myself
I'm not rooted down
The ground around me is mine to take
I know it's hard from a neutral point of view
But I don't struggle
To see the ground  I've made up
Small steps mean everything
When the stickers behind your door are stuck with blu-tac in fear you'll fail to stick
It's good to know the only thing that haunts me in the night is a poster falling.

I'm doing this to appease myself and for my own well being aswell, I'm more than happy to tell both sides of the story and leave no stones un turned, a relationship turned toxic
By a adversary of our own creation
Clinging onto positives and emotions that where getting out weighed
We spoke an spoke and even prayed for change
Took a look from evey angle
The love remained
But the pace originally set had changed
Two perspectives running in different directions
Once emotions are involved it's not easy to escape
Bound down to the bottom of the lake
Where we both drown,
But eventually Break the emotional chains and float  to the surface unscaved

I'm in that headspace
Where everything I say
Gets written down
And maybe
Just maybe one day
In time
These words will form a short sentence or rhyme.

When I had noting  
I tried give everything to the wrong person
While you watched through the window braving the weather  
Now I have everything
And I'll keep the rain off  your back and the wolf from the door
We still struggle once more  
But we'll brave the weather

I try too hard to give everything and leave my needs unspoken
Because I'm scared of stepping on toes
It becomes a cycle of me apologising
If I choose to speak up
So walk over me
Because I tried to hold you up and fell underneath you.

I play the drums when the neighbours are gone
Because my bedroom walls are paper thin
We live arm to arm
But not hand in hand
And I don't want them drumming back
When my note pads full and my wallets empty
And I've used all the plain sides of all my mother's letters
If I draw on the walls
Do you think she'll mind?
Do you reckon it'll add value?
If she literally takes my life
Call me Vincent
Van Gogh for short
Notorious after I'm gone
Art's a risk I'll after take

Can you imagine growing old without the self love you're truely owed
Looking for validation
From the Joker in the pack
Offered a hand
Not dealt to plan
That no one really understands
And believe me
You'll receive nothing much eles
But the cards you're dealt
And the self love that you've earned for yourself

I want to make a difference
Change the system
Open up new doors an see flaws
And receive assistance
To open up your eyes and realise everyone's different
Held down by persistence
Searching for a myth of perfection that isn't in existence

I  grew up childishly neglected my emotions
Because I got taught the stereotype of a man
Nothing more than a teenage boy crying into a pillow
Keeping the noise low
And his eyes dry before his mother comes  home

Soon it'll be easier
And the tide will pull me in
Retracting me from your shore
Wiping away memories set in sand
Every kingdom must fall even though they take so long to build
Etiquette and mannerisms lost over night
I wish I was built of sterna stuff
Because not coming back is the hardest thing I've ever known
Knowing that we keep changing our mind
Everything my hand breaches the surface
Or everytime I open my eyes wishing you where here
Scrambling for rocks and relic's and any fragment of time
But I know it's better to let These things die
Something new can be built from the ruins.

I hate writing
I confess
I detest words on paper
They never convey what I'm truly trying to say
So I've decided to keep on writing
Because I love the feelings my mind brings
It sometimes hits home and stings
But I guess my love and hate have to collaborate
I confess this doesn't make much sense
But make a story in your head
Take what you want from this

At the start we fought and argued
Trying to find some common ground
But now those days are gone
We could conquer empires

One day you'll see my words
On every hipster boy and girl's Instagram pages
And it might not seem like much
But least I successfully achieved what I said I would
Disbelievers will be believer's
Don't be deceived by people who tell you can't achieve
Hold tightly onto your dreams.

Good moments are like tattoo removals
Gone and easy to forget
But the bad ones haunt constantly
Like the art that tarnishers my skin

I'll hold your hand down the rabbit hole
I'm considerate like that
Or maybe just crazy
My fragile minds nieve
To the devil behind my own eyes
I'll forever hold onto last autumn and all the things we shared in common
I'm everything your parents warned you about
From the sins under my soles to the air in my head
Take me back
Take me back to wonderland

Soon is the time
We'll have to say our final goodbyes
Just another mear chapter in life
But I've written down and memorised mortal moments we shared
Immortalised and sealed
To be posted down the line
I know you never got to greet with smiles
But my sister, Your granddaughter
Is expecting her first child
Soon is the time
I'll have to say my first hello
Just another mear sign of time passing by

No one's at the top of the pile
And no one's on the bottom
We should float with each others support
If one link breaks
We should build back up together

You cried as the sunset died over sandle castle
As silhouettes glowed red in the distance
You kissed me, told me you loved me
Then we said our goodbyes
The moon was so big that night
I remember inside jokes of me saying the world is ending and if it was that big we'd be dead
If it was destined our last, I guess that would have been a perfect way to die
Caught up in fractured moon light
And ******'s of affection fleeting by
Such a picturesque setting
But now I cry every night
Knowing that it wasn't our final goodbye
Just the beginning of relationship that was fraying from distance
It took a year and half down the line for my heart to be broken
I just hope it doesn't take that long to fix.

Funeral day
The death of my apathy
The people around me cried
Before and after
I couldn't shed a single tear
I couldn't feel anything
Except the cold of the graveyard
Tugging on my shirt
Simply numb at best
I hope my heart of stone
Breaks in this pile of soil
I throw upon your final rest
Am I broken, dead inside
Watching my own burial
From someone eles eyes

Life isn't a enemy to anyone
But the dead

Anchored down by feelings
I just can't let out
Always making wrong decisions
Decisive at the worst times
I've been pulled so ******* deep now
I can't even see the light
Stuck in some kind of limbo
Because I refuse to die

I haven't had the time to write many lines
Because I've come clean
Given up Living for the weekends
I used to leave days open
Now all I have is a calendar full off dates and times
I started living life
But I spend my weeks in your dorm dieing on a Friday when you've got to go home

Waiting patiently
For things to get better
Waiting implies standing still but you've got to keep moving to get what you need
Leaving dream catchers out
Falsely believing they'll answer your prayers
But all my believes are solely in myself
Don't wait around for a stroke of luck
Or maybe two magpies to grace your eye line
Stay up late one night
Watch the sunset die
capture those dreams with your own two hands

Lay awake
Watch the birth of a new day
It's been ages since I slept right through the night
It's almost like the days have become better than the dreams my head creates
The grass has become greener on the other side
Sleep deprived
But my eyes have never been opened so wide
Creep inside my head
Experience what it's like spending years fighting with yourself
Just to get out of bed
Trapped inside walls built so hign
Lego brick ***** traps stationed like mines
But it's fine
I've decided to make my days better than my nights
I've gained the sight to see I'd rather live in a daydream

I held reasons in my lungs
that needed birth, tears in a pillow case that needed to be heard
But engulfed by  medicine
That I was told would help
Things not get any worse
My emotions were dulled
Every four to eight hours
But the reason I was here
Was because I couldn't express the feelings that made me want to leave

We sit and dwell
Waiting on clear skies and our skin to do the same
I'm trying to write down my heart
Mint condition filted out
A myth of perfection
You can't move forward from inside a box
Does it sound like I'm failing or giving all I've got?
When I was younger
I'd have laughed it off
If you'd have told me I'd write with so much feeling
If I say I'm writing down my heart
Does it sound like I'm failing or giving all I've got?
Words on paper give me so much comfort
When the words inside my head manage to loose meaning when they reach my tongue
Pushing myself to just get through a day
While words push back through gritted teeth
No matter the forces that come into play
I always find myself with pen in hand
Does it sound like I'm failing?

Being with you is a dream leading to a nightmare
Everytime you have to leave
I don't know if it's getting easier or harder

I've met the demon that's lurking behind your smile
With his mighty straw as long as the length of time
Ready to **** your emotions right back from the corner of your eyes
He'll Keep it bottled up so he can drink til he's drunk
And fill that hole that's been so long vacant of love
I always got told two negatives don't make a right
But If a positive collides
Is it possible to negotiate with both sides
And shine some light
On the darkness the negative feels inside
I've had practice controlling mine
Now the angel on my shoulder is the keeper of peace of mind
Maybe our horns and wings can make a right

I hold faith in one hand
But he's not been my friend lately
He's joined the weight that bounds  my ankle
With one hand behind my back
I decided to put faith in myself

I always doubt
What remains on the page
When the rest has been crossed out
I wish you could see
What didn't make the final cut
Believe me
Someone
May fall in love

You were my first
First kiss
First love
First everything
Now that you're gone
I worry you'll be my last
But what's certain is this will be the last time I write about you

When apart we feel like lost souls floating aimlessly with parts of ourselves missing
But together we know the parts we acquire don't fit each others puzzle
And it's for the best

These tears are a minor leak
I felt overfilled like the bathtub
With the drain as it's only release Still plugged up but some droplets found a dramatic way to make a exit
My blood pours faster, it doesn't wait for doors to open up, just the slightest break in skin
Cuts under sleeves are easier to hide than red eyes
I want to scream
But this is all I've got right now
This is all that remains of the flood
I used my emotions to channel this

Marching in rhythm to corporate rhyme
Waiting in lines
While the fire inside is dowsed
Burning holes in your pockets right in front of your eyes
Brainwashed by punk
That's got the wrong name on the packet
Companies making money off rage they've tamed
Worshiping a group who haven't been the same since they tasted fame  
I hope it's as sweet as being spoon fed
Scared to take a risk
Because that doesn't sell

I've always had trouble expressing my emotions
Constantly shoveling coal into a fire that needs to be tamed
Leaving me mentally deflated
But also ready to expload
My nails dug up skin
Scratch marks in moments with a lack of thought
Burning Running down my finger tips
Where i make connection with a pen
The ink finds words I can't quite form, even though the deliverence isn't always what I pictured
Its the sweetest release I'll receive

I could forge lies with my tongue
But you wouldn't fall for none of them
You could see the gaps in my stories
And the truth in my eyes
So believe me when I say
Things can only become better with time