The Gods offered
A blessing of sorts
To live a favourite day over and over til the sun engulfs everything man made
Or to live out your mortal days
The choice chosen was the former
Waking up the next morning to her boyfriend
And a meal and meet up with her friends down at the petting farm
The pattern continued for 20 days and 20 nights forgetting her past each time she opened her eyes
Never learning from her mistakes
The people
The essence of the perfect day
Started to wilt and fade
Not sustainable for a world where the calendar never turned
And craved the unavoidable
Movement forward

Trying to find peace living in the present
Rather than living in my mind
Because in reality I can defeat a old demon bearing a new disguise

All they saw was death and mourning  
As they layed you in the ground
I saw something beautiful
A bouque of flowers bloomed
Has you became one with the earth
A fresh start
For you to write the wrongs
With the people who surrounded
Parting ways with forgiveness and love  
Hearts full of cherished stories
A chapter closes
But the book never shuts

I have the same wish for you
As I do the snow
That you won't settle
And you'll go
Exactly where your heart yearns
That place that feels closest to home
Melt through the surface
Right to the core
And find that inner warmth
Hot fire's and Coco galore

Give me something from your nothing
It's worth more to me than gold

You're my graveyard
A safe place to rest
Where I never feel alone

Fighting an everlasting battle
That no one can win
I've been holding my ground
But I've forgotten what my footprints look like and the pattern at the bottom of my shoe when I've made progress

I express my moods with weather types
And my growth through nature
Because I guess we're all clinging onto the sun's
Warmth and better days
Spent finding ourselves
Filled with good health
Long socks and shorts
Pop punk anthems and talks
About how we'll be better off next year
It comes around so quickly
And I'm still mocked by my evergreen for being under the weather

You've got the weight of the world on your shoulders
So half it on my back
We'll take the world together

I know they say it takes a while to grow
Like the shoes they say will one day meet your toes
But whys the rest of the garden blooming
Climbing towards the sun
Smothered in its gaze
While I'm laying low in the shade living off droplets that fell from your leaf's
I'm left tracing roots back to the dirt
Like I'm defined by my past
I know you'll never left me forget the choices I made

I've made myself remember
My summer's were better than they were
But I've been unwell through all four seasons
Nothing changed in the warmth
The same fluoxetine dose
The same minimum hours of sleep
And a notion drilled into me
That this is a happy place to be.

For four hours
I thought of nothing but the love we made and the food we ate
Empty inside
But not just hungry
I'm terrified of starving
I'm petrified of love
It takes more thought to conjure these words than any poem ever could.

Host a party for my words
As they gain age they never change
They grow old with grace
No matter my mental state
I'll give you some words that matter
That don't shatter
when they leave my tongue
I hope they hurt as they stick into your feet
Like a stake through the seems
So I can rebuild you from the ashes and start a new
Let you see you
Through my eyes like I do
Least you'll understand my  master plan
To make people believe and perceive
They can relieve there demons

The teeth inside my head
Swollowed
And overdosed on doubt
Clamping my jaw shut
The only thing that poured out
Was oxygen
Escaping my lungs
Adding fuel
To a already bitter furnace
Inflating a over indulged balloon
Ready to expload

Staring at these walls for so long The only expression I could form
Was has blank as them
Because they couldn't see
What I could hide
Behind photo framed smiles
Cracks subside but never die
I won't lie to you
Like I lie to them
Because I believe your eyes
When you tell me
I can overcome the symptoms I'm harbouring

Passing time with talks of red wine
But I don't even drink!
You won't even take this as a metaphor
Guess that's just another reason why
Your words find a home in my mind
Labels, types, grapes and vines
Time fly's in your presence like a child in awe of a war time story
It's not like I care about a single word but I'm a connoisseur I hang on every verse you've ever spoken
I love the gestures you make
Your hands dance you stumble your words you go red faced
I'm sick of writing songs about the downsides
Writing songs about sad boys with broken hearts
Red wines good for that it can ease the pain, cover all the *** holes in your vains
But I don't even drink
I don't think the wines to blame
One day you'll catch me smiling and you'll wonder why I'll have the littlest details on my mind of time forgotten but I won't mind and the talks of labels, types, Grape's and vines

I keep falling through the cracks in the pavement
I broke my back laying for you
I know the toxicity of this relationship corroded the foundations
Confined to a room of emotions
We only wanted to escape
I'll take my portion of the blame
But the other half never gets claimed
If anyone asks I'll tell them we're friends
I've got no blood on my hands
Because I've got no hate in my heart
But I caught you red handed cursing my name

I've formed and delivered the words I love you  
But if this is love
I've never meant it before
I may never be forgiven for breaking hearts
But please take comfort In
Knowing true love can be found

What if I can't look again?
Without disliking the words I say
I'm a manic
And the words in my head never truely translate
I wanna be a artist and create
Banish all forms of hate
That self deprecate
I wanna be happy and smile
But I can wait for a while
I'm impatient
But not like before
6am to see if Santa's called
Is this even good I question it all
But I've realised to move forward I have to scale every wall with due course.

I can't wait for you to come over
Leave memories
In the form of wrappers
On my floor
But when you leave
I'll be left with ruins
A place holder as such
Leave a mark on me
An historical reminder
That will remain
as a poem in a book

I try to create motivation and inspiration with the words I put in lines
Referencing bands in my work
That have helped me through hard times
Hoping one day I can give back
Has they've given to me
A memorial of sorts
Everytime you read my thoughts
Listen to the records I adored and try work me out

I used to take baths every few hours
Just so time would pass through my fingers like water
Uncontainable like the power my brain held over what remained of me
Fragile has my back hit the bottom
A thin layer of flesh couldn't protect
All I could fathom was metal against bone
Not the comfort I'd once know
But still the warmest I'd been since I'd taken off my clothes
The slightest cold found easy passage to my bones
Wasting time waiting for my body clock to run down
So I could taste the sweet taste of what my body needed
what I forcefully took away from myself
Punishment was all i gifted
Has it hit twelve
For some reason I believed it was fine to eat again
But I could never compete with the two thousand needed to maintain or a score greater to gain.

My mind's been so empty
Since my life's been going right
Like I can only pull word's
From a clouded mind  
Sadness and hope
Used to be my muse
What once was a burden
Brought such a gift

I've got so much to say but my words fail the capability of causing release
so I turn to smashing my fist against the wall leaving blood spots on your calendar  
Exactly June the 24th so I always remember the day I tried to make the pain go away
The scratches on my legs from everytime I got bruised or bent are never deep enough to leave a permanent reminder
Maybe I need a voice sometimes to drown out my own
Sit there and moan about the bands we love and how generic they've grown
For years I've been a closed book
Stuck on a chapter with all my words thoroughly jumbled up
In fear of being seen as vulnerable and just a little ****** up
Shape me like glass so you can see right through
I've stopped giving my emotions the cold shoulder
Wasting my none to little time Circling my head with heated convosations and evaporation
I've come to realise I'm a gray cloud that needs a release
And a downpour would do us all a favour.

Bleeding gums
Drowning in the sweetest of taste's
You're everything that my dentist hates
Brace for the feeling
Of teeth falling out of place
Forever waiting on loves sweet grace
Something that no one eles can replicate
Counterbalance and cleanse the palate
Help me disengage from the kiss of a snake
And the blood raining down my face
Clotting in your name
Because this is loves true kiss
A feeling of bliss
I could never get anywhere eles

I'm not a master
I'm a slave to the words I've wrote
Because these words haunt
And have never been spoke
Travel down the ear canal
To be met with a abrupt end
They become a language you bearly understand

They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone
And I hate when you say I didn't care
Because it cuts like a knife
Knowing in life
The right words where never there

Under my Jean folds
There lies a world of art
An octopus and a ghost under the calf
The front harbours an alien
Craving validation
And to be  more than just a figure head
Mocked by the words on his shoulder
And his challenger to the right
His fight will be permanent
Staking claim to the land he occupies
Blank spaces are new territories to be claimed
And named
After the Victors of a minor sting

I'm scared now
it'll always be the same
We'll lie about forever
argue and refuse to take blame
6 months of medicore happiness for it all end same
And six months more to make sure it cut the right vain
Two halfs of my heart lie on the bedroom floor
One half to be taken and the other half yearning to be complete once more

I live for a summers dream
As I fall like leaf's in winter
Dancing to the ground ashamed
Of the days I wasted and the warmth I failed to cease

I still see the Sharp reminder gracing my floor
Of where I hurt myself
Chasing you all those times you walked out the door
I should have just let you go right out of my life
After all the times you said you didn't love me
But when I found strength to give up
You came back pleading with me to give more

It's been a horrific few years
Pushing through eating disorders and enough tears to dappen my feet
But never truly drown my demons
Emotions left harbouring inside,
Like the food I stocked in cupboards that I'll never be brave enough to eat
But I've got through the hard times
And I just wish I had someone to tell me everything would be alright
Now I'm left with a body that I despise, but a better frame of mind
Suffering long term for mistakes I thought would make me feel better

January again
And I'm already counting down the days til the next one
Already made enough mistakes in a matter of days
Febuary I'm so done with the rain and the  pattering on the window pain
It's march again
Another year older but I feel more or less the same and not much wiser
Continuing counting down the days
Maybe I'll learn a lesson or two along the way
And learn to line what I think and what I say
April,May
There's nothing much to say just a reminder of the wasted days and praying next year won't turn out the same
June, July
Summer time
I'll just watch and wait inside
November  in sight
Just more sitting and waiting inside
I missed my bus but you know how I get when I write loose all concept of time
December is here met by a cheer
This year it might turn out alright

My work doesn't reflect a picture of me
It's more like a family photo you don't want to see
Shown by a aunty in pretence to remember how it used to be
And you look at yourself and see the struggle to express
From the way that you dress
And that fake smile
You've held for which seems like a awfully long while
They can't contemplate how the image the camera makes fails to translate the frown that you've Hidden away

The sweltering summer's heat
Consumed me the first time that  we got to meet
A year in the making
But still I choked
Has my arm's missed it's target once aimed
My lips met your teeth
And all day we couldn't eat
Praying for more time
At the end of a week
When I had to leave

If there's no love left in this world
I'll give my life giving it Away

I know that the sun sometimes struggles to break through the clouds
A ball of fire so mighty held down
By the marshmallows of the sky
Even the strong have there set backs

You call and I can't help but answer
I've got a address book of reasons why I should cut you off
What happened to when we used to talk about the flowers
And a growth more significant than our own
constantly asking if you're feeling better
You never take advice, first hand experience dripping from these words
Guess you'll after make your own mistakes
I'm a tangled headphone cord
Getting on your nerves
Constantly asking if you're feeling better
Now I'm by your side while you struggle to sleep and refuse to eat
I'm the seventeen messages on your answer phone
Reminding you to breath
You're more of a invert than I've ever been
It took my school years to realise I wasn't weak
You've got to let go
Realise you're the gray clouds I always preach about
And the flowers struggle to grow without a helping hand

Put your demons in a chokehold
And refuse them room to breathe
Let them lay doorment
In a bed more comparable to a tomb
Like they've spent years doing to you

I'll gain weight again
By medicating my worries
Till they slip out of sight and my mind feels alright to stand and fight
I know they'll always be there
Enimies waiting at the gate
For the slightest chance to make a charge
But least I'll be gaining, and slowly loosing the only weight that I shouldn't have been bearing

Caught up in a paradox
Missing you before you arrive
And just before you leave
But also dreading the imbetween
The count down period for when you leave
We only get one night
But I'll hold it together
Fight the urge to cry
Knowing the next one is in plain sight

I walked all the way from the other room
To show my motivation isn't breaking
With words you need to consume
Promise to regurgitate and keep passing them on
Remember there's never a step too small
When you feel anchored down
And trapped behind walls
The use of "all the way" makes it seem like miles
The truth is
It was only a few feet of tiles
This rooms got better connection
And this is the only time I don't struggle to connect

I've got your name of a calendar full of vacant days
I swear to god they say it should get easier
Everytime the distance pulls you away
But I still get a persistent pain
Everytime the train leaves the station
And you're on your way to that place you call home
We fall asleep Evey night on the phone
But we wake alone
Hoping we can hold this relationship together
Tested by distance

Your own son said you're as good as dead
But you're not
You're the strongest person I've ever known
No matter the weather rain or snow
You always brought the bread home
Remember you're my idol the reason I kept fighting
I know you're forgetting things lately
Like names,numbers and even your payments
But I'll never forget you're the strongest person I've ever known
The ghost stories you told me and my sister
Have nothing on the horrors you faced
The ****** in the story couldn't compete with you
You fought a good fight
Won a war
Wear pink with pride
But it all changed when he died
You gave up your home
Because they said you couldn't manage alone  
But you're still, I hope you know
The strongest person I'll ever know

Drive south into the sunset
Roll down your window let me kiss you away
A repeat of the same old story
That I'm still trying to get my head around
You always said the sun will rise again over a mountain with a far too familiar name
I always said I wish these days would never end
That's just another night without you
Tell me what it's like up there
Because I swear it's hard to reach the summit of these walls
Oxygen is getting scarce and the winds of change are picking up
It's not the first time I've been blown away  
We'll watch the sunset sleep together

I've called myself young and stupid
But that excuse is kinda ageing

Making Smiley faces with tattoo ink and safety pins
Putting childhood fridge drawn art on wasted skin
Finger paints and pasta shells were not artists but I'm sure we can't mess this one up, lines and dots wonky smiles and tired eyes
The face your parents make don't look so bad compared to there youthful mistakes
Sentenced to hard time
Full sleeves before nap time
Tattooed tears down your face cursing the ones who left you in this place

I breath in your scent every morning when I wake
So I'll isolate myself in this room so what I have left of you doesn't escape
Like the clothing you carried out in bags
Til death do us part
The words your once muttered in a dream I once had
I'll put a picture of you on the roof of my bunk
Mimick you with a pillow
Cove it in love
I'd video tape killing myself for a moment for your time
Or maybe even three
Because I'll only give up when my lungs give out
And my heart gives in
Because you don't leave as easy as you walked out.

I don't have the guts to make cuts
So I bleed on paper
But these days it never seems enough
Because a plea for help
Never gets a second look laying in these old dusty books

From inside I'll build a prison
Bricks of self deprivation and hate
There won't be bars on the windows
Just flowery curtains
Because it's a choice to neglect the light of day
Piles of new clothes built up
But I'll kick around in this old hood
And watch the days fade
I honestly believe I'll look back  and dwell on the days I waste
But it's hard to break a cycle created by a mental cage.