Was it worth it?
Did it matter?

“No”

Your meaning to say, it was all for nothing..?

“..”

Hm?

“Nothing, such a wide and subjective term.”

?

“Without taking a chance, aren’t we nothing?”

..

“Hm?”

Fishing line
How do you find the time?
Fishing line
On a day so sublime
Cast into the river, for some innocent fish to die
Fishing line..
It’s
you

Oh it’s always been you

That never waits for tomorrow
Who feeds on sorrow
Quite proactive indeed..
But for all the wrong reasons

Oh
you

Why has it come to this?
How can a single string of white cause so much pain?

It makes me question wars,
Nukes,
And bombs

Murders of all kind

When it’s been you,
Fishing line..
how do you find the time?

Itchy white sweater
A day before December
Bells are ringing,
Ringing, singing
“Hallelujah, Hallelujah”
The people are singing
Commotion and speed walking, don’t be late!
The first day of advent,
2 lowly snowflakes falling
Too early,
And they disintegrate into the cement.
Statues of angles, and Jesus, our savior.
The bells stop ringing
And begins, “Our father who art in heaven..”
My tongue knows what to say
But we are all silent in our sin
Sinning, remorse.
Then, miraculously
He cries
Or maybe it’s a she
A Little baby.
But their cry gives a weight to the words
“Our kingdom come”
Faces turn, including mine, all guilty
While the one crying has nothing on their record.
“Thy will be done”
Their mother is smiling, stressed, shushing her bundle of joy
Who’s singing sweetly for them, for us.
Crying, pouting
Peace in the innocence of her tears
Like those 2 little snowflakes that came alone, brave
Before their harsh, downcast winter storm
“As we forgive those,”
Voices fade
“Who trespass against us”
And light pours upon the sweet child
Loving arms hold her tight, away from everything around.
Time moves fast.
“And lead us not into temptation..”
Their cry becomes desperate, louder
The mother is pleading, “shh, shh, it’s okay.”
And I die inside.
Little baby sneezes
Then pouts, again.
The cry, carrying the problems of all
Every insult,
“But deliver us from evil.”
Every regret.
“Amen.”
Every forced smile and somber moment.
And everything sits down,
All the stars in the sky,
For the poor, poor child.
No worry in those eyes,
I wish she wouldn’t stop crying
For the evil in the world.
My heart cries along with her
And together we are reassured that love exists.
“Hallelujah,
Hallelujah.”

When you wish upon a star..

Nothing will happen

Only hope will be left in your head
But hope means nothing, as you can’t act on it
What you can act on is goals
And a yearning for something you wish to do
Then you chase after what you want
And grasp hold of it

You can’t grasp hold of stars..
But they are pretty to look at

Back from class
Now middle of day
Coming back to it
I don’t want to stay
This place, it’s purpose to be a home
But to me it’s just a house;
I turn to music for relief
An escape from life lessons
And long conversations
Of long term subjects
Or avocations
I don’t want the future
So I’ll look to the past
But even those memories
Could never last.
Left turns to right
Down starts going up,
Confusion sets in
Then fear follows
My heart realizes it’s spent
All this time hollow
Like a lost boy in a winter storm
clinging to a small fire for heat
Until it snuffs out,
Freezing, and accepting defeat
To the assault of this cold, cold world.

If I was in a different place
Outside time
Worlds away from this current existence
And someone asked me,
“Would you want to travel to a place called earth, feel a glimpse of life, experience all the emotions and events within a person’s day, love, heartbreak, anger..?”
The dumbest thing in the world would be for me
Or anyone, to decline.
So,
Whenever you are in a moment in time where you feel
Exasperated,
Unloved,
Stressed,
Remember how lucky you are to have the capacity in your soul
And in your heart,
To have perfect, quality sentiment
That even the highest stars in the sky could not grasp

The sky wakes, mirroring my movements
I cannot escape the clouds
Nor the ones around
My face leaves traces on the path
Though I will have the final laugh
Trample my footprints
In the dust left
And know I left the mines

Take the amethyst
I kept underneath the pillow
Where I wept
Keep it in your music box
The one decaying
And play a song
It will help pass the time

Burn my clothes and bed
Tell them I’m dead
And let me escape fate
Hang onto the amethyst’s glow
And soon I’ll bring you with me
My Romeo

Lost in contemplation of Christ,
Newspaper clippings of the past
Fascination of a story
I only saw
In the eyes of my father
Who looked at his father
With dignity
And a second of the life before
Enveloped us
For we each were history
And time’s ***** red sneakers
That collect in the corner of a closet

Beauty
By default
Is skinny,
Slightly fit

Stylish hair
Stylish clothes
Perfect face
Great personality


but there are ones
Who’s beauty is unmatched
In their hearts;

That with every beat
A smile
Is brought to those
Who dare
To look through
What shows
past the mirror

Constrained positivity
Strained face and eyes
Borne tears of yours, but happy too
You confuse me
You delude me
Always tension in the air
But I’ve learned to breathe fine.
Any utopian thought I’ve made
Quickly gets drenched in fire
When I trip, or laugh weirdly
My world becomes unbalanced
By those ricocheting laughs
And their closed minded anthem
“Clumsy *** Carter, clumsy..”
To this day I hear it in the beat of music
Or the rhythm of the church bells
Most recently, the thump thumping of my heart
Locked away sealed inside,
Charismatic trumpets crafted with pride
Delivered isolation
And paranoic concentration
Don’t trip
Don’t put myself in awkward positions
Don’t.

So now when I see you cry
I can’t help but feel..
Nothing.
No empathy left for you
Or myself.

It’s my closed minded anthem now
Let it consume your life.

Is it just me
Or is everything around suspicious?

Malicious lies, intent unknown,
Poison spread by the government themselves
They want to **** us all!
Population control,
Multi media distraction, the slow seeping of knowledge
Middle class, twice removed
Vaccines = Down syndrome
Pharmaceuticals want us to be sick
All their information’s a trick
For our voice to be shunned

****** plots
Web of lies
Certain celebrity parties
Purposeful inflation
Closing of numerous investigations
No found explanations
Aliens..
CIA experimentations
9/11, an inside job
John F. Kennedy’s arranged assassination
New world order
Project 2025
Nuclear war? only the rich will survive

Oh how the human mind is filled with such ideas..
But then again, how do you know I’m not one of them

Fire trickles down your eyes
Cold,
but flaming
and gaining on me

I know I could never have you back
I’ve known it for a long while but still— I held on.

You were lost before I ever thought about the end

I didn’t care

Only would your touch keep my sorrowed heart at ease..

I saw it in your face every time he walked past,
And our hold lessened each time

It slipped

And slipped

I slipped

So I foolishly dreamt of the first few, where we ran away from everything, down to our special place.

Where our secrets were guarded by your lips and mine alone..

I despised your Goldilocks hair and your beautiful smile..
You trapped me in your lovers game, played me like a fool.

So I took it out on my bedroom wall

I need you, and your toxic habits
I live for your poisoned heart
I’ve broken down, night and day, at the thought of me losing you

Holes were left

Baby if you so wish,
He can have you in the morning, I in the eve

In them, and my heart.

Though I knew I had to hide them.

I yearned to cover them with concrete and forget about their existence
I needed to forget and move on like the wind..

But wind doesn’t fall in love

Just please let me stay

Let me forget your laugh..

Keep holding on, my angel, my love

And the worthless feeling you bestowed unto me

And take me back to our romantic haven

Take me back to my perfect life without your manipulations

Darling I beg you..

Darling I beg you..

Let us turn back time!

Let me turn back time.

When one’s insults hits a person’s head,
It confuses its flaws with weakness
It hurries to hide them
Ashamed of your dreams,
You let them float to the back of your mind
Your only goal,
To keep yourself hidden
But what does that make you?
What use is it when you,
Foolishly remove everything except the flaws
That shine through once a day?
Should you really let yourself
Be determined by the words of others?

Green
         Yellow
                  Red
skrrrt.                           ­ Stop

The phone rings
A Deafening ring
Piercing my ears
                  
                 Smell of burnt gas,
And rubber
                                Coffee steam,
                       Burnt
Shaking hands
And legs tap,

         Tap
                                                            T­apping

Radio signals wavering

Sweat dripping down
         My face

The sun’s glare meets my gaze
                            Nothing can give me more pain than waiting
Waiting

Honking, pressing hard

                   Grunting

Yelling
                         Useless
  

              Broken apart, leather seats
        
          Cleaned only yesterday
     Fresh scent
Pain in my nostrils
Red.
                                   More honking
Long line


My hand moves up and down to check the time
The watch catches my reflection

           My wife needs me

GO!

Stomping on the gas,

                                        Honking and warning  from the other side

  The birds sing..

My head spins back

I lunge forward

Shards scrape my face and eyes
Down to my concrete bed

My pieces of bone aren’t red
The other car is red
The family inside is red

Cars engulfs in time stopping fire

My ears are numb
One is bleeding,
one is on the leather chair

It’s all stained.

My wife needs me.
                                           Sirens loud, LOUD

GET ME OUT

I scream at them,
                       Cracking my leg I kick the emergency response..
Whatever you call them

Monsters that pull at, and grab me, they keep me away from her
stop
please

Pain engulfs me
And I run off, tears in my eyes
             I’m stuck in my clothes
My breathing is trapped in my lungs

Red is all I see

My wife needs me
She..

Pause

Rewind

Play

In forthcoming
  It might have been nice

To give you a reminder
  Instructions, possibly

I’ve only left you duct-tape
  To fix what I’ve broken

So you see,

My father is gone now, passed away
“Keep on smiling”
Is what’d he say
But till this day
I can’t give way

To the tears when the children
Are out there in play
With toys at the park, unbeknownst to the fade
Of the memories at stake
Neurotic gold
Under sun’s rays
Opportunities - but in sickness of health
And I cry,
Yes I cry
How can anyone keep smiling
When my brain isn’t surviving
And I’m left with these tapes
Low quality, garbage
The only good videos are in my mind
But they are too now dissipating

So I just lay and never sleep
Or eat anymore,
In the white clean fresh room
Chained to the bed
beep, beep
One look at the window
Is what my head will allow
The only thing that it can do now
My muscles are weakened,
I’ve forgotten how to walk
And now to talk
So all I have left is my rotting mind
And the grin I’ve kept frozen all this time
For the day I meet him back in heaven
So I can say
“I’ve kept on smiling”

Can you fix me?

Godawful heartbreak is only what she knows
Fairytale’s smoke teeters on the edge of a nightmare
For which she is the main character

The sun releases her puppeteering demons
As they adapt to the light,
And the feeling busts at the seams

The knowing moon is her therapeutic hymn
But is the mercury that chains her mind to his prison shackles
Long after the mad hatter’s curse has faded
And his hand, poisoned by the vile actions done.

The cup is half empty
Her heart is half full
But her trust is just a void in both.

Today I woke up grateful
new opportunities await me, soon
I trust it

Though the laughs, and moments brightened up many days
Though you constantly lift us high
In between the lines, in all your closest bonds,
When your there for those around,
Is the reason everyone’s so fond of all you are
The reason why we’ll support you back
Cause between the lines, we know it’s true
All of us have had worse days than others
But you were there,
And we’ll be too

she sits
Crossing her legs,
Her beautiful hair waves in the wind
Glistening, like her eyes
Those eyes that shine and dance across waterfalls
Like the entire world
Is inside
Just as her captivating smile,
Slight, but elegant nonetheless
makes it worth my while
To keep staring
As she stares back.
Eyes locked,
Forgetting to breathe
Palms sweating, no message received
That face says she’s content but is that what she’s thinking?
Neither of us are blinking
This scary but enlightening feeling,
Renders me useless
While looking at
Her

King’s reigning hand on top of his jester’s cap
Wind in both their eyes, and fire descending from the sky

Snow in oblivion.

King’s castle down unto the earth
He knew the bet was lost- known for a long time.
And thy nursing vines regrow
Although not accustomed to the distorted confusion,
Of reality.
Alongside, The moon pours it’s sympathy down upon them
It’s hands on nature’s heart

Snow in oblivion

Tantalizing thoughts rush through the blood
In king’s veins
His hand still resting upon the cap
Tears stream down his opulent clothes,
Wealth matters no longer.
His laughing companion for a short while remains quiet
His once vibrant chuckle,
Now only an echo that continues across the horizon.
The silence moves mountains,
Forces a slight bow of his head,
His cap falls slow-motion.

Snow in oblivion

And bravely he takes the hand of his lord,
Picks up a sharped piece of limestone from the castle
His grand, insubstantial castle,
And slowly pushes it into the hand
Deeper
please
Deeper.
King does not move
He yearned to suffer for something,
Needed, longed for it
Is what his flesh manifested into his heart
And the silence, suspended by his “royal” blood
gushing forth from his skin

Drop, drip
Snow in oblivion.

It was neither’s fault for the world’s collapse
Eventually it was bound to transpire.
Nothing was of merit forthwith,
Their sole purpose forgotten,
Stolen.

Falling with no intention,
He lays with himself
And fantasizes of an age where his resolve was absolute
Now the only motive is to end it all
And wait for his mirth to recover from the edges of his world;
Bring him value- he cannot produce

They are the oblivion in snow

Unbound chaos crafted by illegal hands
beautiful tragedies in the eyes of 2 sides
A vandal’s artwork so articulate it’s a crime
We’ll never know their name or the history of how they came to be
But only imagine in the graffiti we see
Dashing expression, in spontaneous speed
Lovely locomotive tapestry

Ineffable- "too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words.”

Trying to find my way to you,
But I keep getting lost in your eyes
Before you go I wave to ya
Staring at your lips, then mine
I know I should say something
But my head is running in circles,
overthinking-
my words,
my thoughts,
The way that I walk
If I should mention the 2 birds in the sky,
Flying high and free
Just like you and me.
Do I try to hold your hand?
I’m trying to understand
what to do.
What to do..

“And when you walk down the hallway and I blush
Your so confident, I’m shy and sometimes too much
How could we work out with my head in the clouds..?”

Oh, I think I said that aloud..

..And you smiled

For some reason..
I hate you with all my guts
but
I want you to like me
and admire my presence
Yearn for my attention, sir
as I grumble at you from across the hallway..

Sometimes,
When just sitting in calm
You don’t have the effort
To fix the unraveling mess
In front of you
And so you wait and watch
Chaos unfolding
You, only a witness to the scheming,
Then blaming, and arguing
While in your calm, absent minded bubble
And you just feel
A little joy

The magnitude of words,
   Invokes to each a different response
     Many use this power for evil,
       And release it among the unsuspecting seeds
         Still growing, now exposed to hatred.
           It is then that they will decide
             If their sentences will be in malice like theirs,
               Or if in their hearts, repairing the reputation
                 Of beautiful language, is a better use
Of speech

The sun began to fall from the sky
The moon turned a blind eye
The ground crumbled beneath my feet
The trees died out when I touched their branches..
The people sought to erase my chances.
The animals whimpered and growled when we’d meet
The clouds didn't make shapes anymore, just grey, depressing things floating atop me every day.
My house fell apart by one knock on the door. I hoped and prayed it wouldn’t be too expensive.
The building fell to dust when I needed to step on the roof, away from the ensnarement of life, and its cycle of despair.
The electric wires burned out only when I thought about the rest of the world, only faint radio sounds cured my curiosity.
The knife in my hand turned dull in a pinch,
So soft my skin couldn't be pierced.
The car exploded into flames when I walked by the street,
“Poor guy” I thought, “Poor guy..”
And soon every stone with the capacity to **** me,
transformed into chalk.
Why was this happening to me? I couldn’t tell you.

Until, one day, on Fairway Road,
an old lady, in an antique dusty purple coat stopped at my feet
I laid there starving, refusing to eat.
She introduced herself as Marilyn Scott,
Who loved her earl grey and the petunias she cared for so dearly.
Mrs. Scott went on about how there was a war in Europe,
One that threatened the lives of the people in my state.
Then, again, changed the subject to her profitable farm
down the ways, in the fields.
"The freshest milk in Montana!" She'd say.
Meanwhile I remained on the cold cement, wishing for this pain to end.
But she kept on chatting, and chatting.
"My husband just passed about a month ago.." She said
"My dear son Rob just graduated from his studies" She said.
"Bread prices are down, this week." She said!
and she said, and she said, and she wouldn't stop saying.
Meanwhile my mind was rotting, decaying.
Then she finally stopped, and gave a large sigh
And looked me dead in the eye.
"Mr. Arthur" she said, point blank.
"Mr. Arthur, how have you been?"
I froze and stopped breathing.
All feelings of hunger dissipated.
The cold air, like her, was comforting to me.
I realized, she acknowledged my existence, like no one had before.
"Mrs. Scott," I nodded my head,
"I'm doing fine."
With all my energy,
I leapt up, and brushed down my chalky knees, like a gentleman would.
And finally, taking my chance, I asked her: "Say, where could I purchase the freshest milk in all of Montana?"

And she said.

My lady
Walk the street with me

Let us be like we used to
Laughing so freely

Don’t forget, my dear..
Because I know the road will surely fall apart

Though I will stay
Looking for the other piece of my heart

And holding onto the one lamp post
We kissed at, under the earnest moon

Hoping something will change
I pray

You come back to me soon

Mother Earth calls for me,
Though,
I am only a poor, grey bird
On the verge of collapsing
By the gleam of her sun.
And her voice,
Giving me hope,
Lifts my wings once more
to float on her dizzying air.
Then I remember,
My somber song,
Which spared me from the wind
That will not let go.
I felt comfort in the ground,
that left me in the unknown,
And this memory kept me sane throughout Mother Earth’s song,
For I knew that she was more lost than me,
Distracted by her vibrant green,
While I was free at last.
And so,
With my mind melting at the scene,
I cut my left wing,
And fell towards her naked lands.
Truly flying once more, she called to me in worry
“Little bird, little bird, what are you doing?”
And I called back in whispers loud enough for her ears
But quiet, so insanity does not wake my soul once more
“Don’t you know? I am more sane than you.”
So sophisticated I was, for a poor grey bird.
My eyes were always closed in the absent minded flock.
I told them, many,
to look closer, for they flew, surely,
towards destruction,
But they could not escape.
Life had just begun for I, an insignificant grain of sand,
Nothing really mattered.
And as I gained on her ground,
My feathers burned in anticipation,
My fall, a blaze of truth and wonder
Against mother’s evil heart.
Time? There was none.
Love? there was none.
Malice? There was none.
Only my firework that would be absorbed by the shadows
Before any glimpse of truth could reach them.
In tears, mother cried out,
“Please! Save your soul!”
Now there was I, and sadness for the world.
How terrible a life, led by a blind Shepard.
Finally,
I could see very well,
The darkness of her ground
And secrets beneath the beauty.
And in my heart, a somber song felt its way through my beak,
out into the air to be carried by fate’s wind for long,
Longer still,
“Don’t you know? I am more sane than you.”
And there was time.
And there was love.
They left with me to the end
“Farewell”
I said to the malice,
“I pray for you, brethren.”

Disregard anything I say.
Write and write
Philosophical ideas
Opinions, contradictions
Fake news and constrictions
The river and forest, love and emotion
Printing with thought and handling devotion
Conquering the pen and the art of life
Relatable hatred, melancholy, strife.
Yes, the worldly things are all accounted for
But what of the things we don’t already know?
Have you thought about that?
Anything different from the words of our poems
Not the unknown but farther past that,
Have you thought?
Something that contradicts the very laws of the lead from a pencil
Or keys on a computer
Far behind relatable, or history.
Far ahead of imagination
Have you thought?
No, few minds have gone past the supposed boundaries humanity has set forth for everyone on earth.
Try to think of a new color
A new smell
A new taste,
Indifferent from anything you’ve already experienced.
Think, think!
Or can you not, has your brain failed you?
Try again;
Think of the sky if it was not
Or the sun if it was the sky
But green
And filled with leaves from the autumn wind
If it was not wind
Think of not as if it was sure
And grasp hold of possibilities
If they were tiny pebbles in your hand.
Break the barrier, if you dare
But I bet you are already making assumptions in your mind
“Impossible” “Crazy” “Nope”
These walls will only build taller.
But break through them, I know you can’t, but try. Try anyway.
Or disregard anything I say.
Make new, whatever it means to you.

Feigning happiness
Knowing you can be cast-off
By so called close friends

..And as the bird flies, the sky waves,
and the sun rays, and the clouds play
about the tops of trees, until the day fades,
and night shall be set free, so morning’s weight lays
fined for a rest, city light’s pollute I can attest,
now dark shan’t take its all important place
too weak becomes our concrete space,
disoriented becomes our eyes, so we can’t view best
they, we, remain at 50, just fifty %, more or less..

So how can anyone truly see?

Looked into the mirror
I don’t just see me
But the haunting memories
That take a huge part
In everything I do
I see the grief
Of not just me
But the many
That weigh me down
More than 100 pounds
However
Past all the darkest thoughts
Is the vivid happiness
A step away from disappearing into
Obscurity.
To drown in your own mind
Is more suffocating,
Than anything

Restrained from hope
But retrained from fear

A sense of trying to grab into reality
Yes into,
As I’m out of it
As it slips through my fingertips
Like a thought could trigger fatality

Rivers running down my cheeks
But I can’t feel them
The sea salt scent trailing into my nostrils
But I can’t smell

Trembling from loss of light
Though a purge of blinding light
is within my heart
Telling a story
Of Already wilting flowers
being cut from their stem
Before being given another chance
Before they realize they’re wilting

Now I can’t think of anything at all
Except my shadows running across the wall
Like it’s frightened
Of me,
A madman
A sacrificial lamb

Scared of what I am
And what I may become.