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 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
A scene too obscene to be believed
when it's seen
Like an acid trip intersecting with a *******
Where reality becomes a second thought
And you and I were caught
or maybe lost
in the crossfire of hungry hearts
I breathe you in whenever you're around
there's a code to my heart that unlocks with the sound
of your voice in a humorous shout
through the crowd
But what once was so loud
it shook me to the ground
burned so bright it may have burned out
the Chaos is Dead - All is Quiet now
And where there once was great noise
as joy did abound
is stricken with silence
like A Forest of Frozen Clowns
Matt Braunger gave me the title to express what's been happening to me lately.
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
A light in the dark shadows burn with a spark that ignites to a bright shining flame. The dead lie in groves of lost winter souls that wander with visionless aim. A rising relief ensues in the reef of the green and colorless gold. A raven takes flight in the deep death of night to escape from the black hell of old.
These wandering, murmuring, children of god storm wrath from the heavens and **** what is good. Devour the light as they drain all the life from the world we once called our brood.
Take us away. Drain us, defame us.
A whisper in the void.
Take us away, lock us away, **** us.
A whisper in the void.
Psychonatural Antichrist, bleeding the truth from false prophets. Summoning hellfire, demonic intrigue, desecration and violence. Infernal release, a smiling god weeps and a glare of rage seeps from beneath.
In an eternal sea of stones will they forever reap.
Death will be paid to the ones he learns to hate.
Black velvet draped across the coffin of grace.
Take us away, far and away.
A whisper in the void.
Take us away to destroy and remake.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper in the void.
Enter the darkness. Into the abyss. Far away. Thermonuclear enslavior.
Stay awake. Remaining.
Give your soul to the unknown, bleed into the black night air. The savior will come soon, to take you to His room, and liberate you from despair.
Suffocate quickly, quietly. Swiftly, so no one may hear you, or catch you dying. Slip away faster and faster the tighter you squeeze the noose around your neck.
Give yourself away. Death is your escape. Death does not betray like life will.
Give yourself to they, the keepers of the fade with intent to save and desecrate. And as they say, they will be they, and they will **** and humiliate. Break you down, drag you around, deny, defy and utilize. Every last bit will wallow in **** from the hate you created and ate from.
Suffer in pain, annihilation.
A whisper in the void.
Burn alone, in isolation.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper...
Stream of consciousness piece from two year ago. Have fun trying to figure it out, I know I do.
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
You and I were tangled in the madness
Like insects in the spiderweb
Helpless Prey
for something that feeds on our suffering
Your Misery and Mine
Became hopelessly entwined
Until the blurs replaced all the lines
That we drew in the sand
When we first began
Our time in each other's lives

I was still a slave to my hate
Too bitter and sour to remember the taste of
the Honey of Love
Warmed in Passion and Lust
Until I saw you standing
In the settling dust

Your eyes are deep shadows
Who knows how far they go?
Oubliettes of old memories
You'd known long ago
The Juliet to my
Tortured Romeo
Your voice became a song
That would guide me home
when I was lost
And had nowhere to go.

And then... you faded
You faded away
You disappeared from my arms
Back into the Haze
into the Sun's hateful rays
And the sky was ablaze
til my nights became days
And everything turned to a thousand different shades
Of Gray
And that's where I stayed
Alone in my Cave
Burning in Solitude and Rage

But Yesterday
You may have Saved me
Because Today
I have this Strangely Amazing
Sensation
of Pure Elation
And maybe I've just gone crazy
But I think
that you Gave me
A new sense of sight
cuz Lady,
Where once my eyes saw only grays
Obscured by the flames of my internal blaze
Nothing fed my insatiable hunger
My Spirit raged at the plainness of lovers
You came along and you sang that old song
And now once again I see

Everything in Color.
This is about a very special friend of mine.
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
Once upon a time...
You & I lived lives divided
Until by fate we were united
When we first lit the fire
Once upon a time
I would watch you from a distance
Desired you, but stayed resistant
To the Urges that would cloud my mind
with Wickedness, persistent

Your perfect fairy wings
Fluttered lightly in the wind
And though I did the best I could
My thoughts were wrought with sin
And I desired you like mad
For the Angel that I had
Left me burning despicably
With wretched flames within

And You
were so
Inviting.
Your Body
Ripe
for the Taking.

Guarded you were
Behind Gates of the Dragon
Yet I watched you intently
Plotting my Ransom
Waiting on the right moment to strike
To steal you away from your
Protected Life
And to take you back with me
Into my Cell
In the dark and abysmal cave where I dwell
To teach you the ways
Us Creatures gain pleasure
To make you my Slave
And to ransack your Treasures
And then came the day
That you broke away
From the Chains
That held you to where you were safe

I saw you
And watched you
and Stalked you
Intently
While you were out searching the world
Innocently
And then,
When you were finally in reach
And we were Alone
I snatched you away
from the flowers and reeds
And stole you back with me
into my home
A cold and depressing
Dungeon of Stone

Your protector was gone
And you were all mine
When we were alone
Lost somewhere in time
And to my shock, and utter surprise
You became the flame that lit up my eyes
And slowly but surely as days slipped by
I became yours more than you became mine

And then, you escaped
or did I let you get away?
You emerged from my cave
Beautiful, unscathed
I just couldn't bring myself
to be one you hate
When your love is so sweet
I just couldn't betray it

But then, I thought
of you out in the world
Alone
On your own
My sweet pixie girl
And I couldn't
JUST COULDN'T
Handle the thought
of a Monster like me
Dragging you through the mud
Coveting you
the way that I do
But most of All
Tasting your Love

Staying put was so much harder than
trying to be your Guardian
and Rescue you
and Shelter you
from any more Hate or Abuse

And now I see my sins
Led me out of the darkness within
Into the sunshine of your life -
Where I found the Source of Light
I needed to keep me alive
And I feel like I owe you my life

And now you're free from my Prison
but I guess, so am I, in essence
In the end, the Fairy
Showed the Goblin,
He longed to be a Prince.
An allegory straight from the heart.
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
He sits at the edge of the riverbed,
Hating himself.
He stares at his reflection,
Runs claws through his matted hair,
Bares his yellow teeth,
Glares at the creature he sees.
He cannot stand the sight
Of what once was just a man,
Rather vain,
And egocentric,
But not this monster before him.
His love was too wild,
His heart too free,
His mind dulled from lack of use,
Due to lack of Necessity.
And the Goddess,
She saw him,
Standing all alone,
Grinning ear to ear,
Laughing at something unkown.
And she wanted him,
Needed him,
All to herself;
Desire burned inside her
like all the fires of hell.
And gorgeous she was,
As all Goddesses are.
Her beauty shined brighter
than a thousand burning stars.
She did have him,
All to herself that night.
He filled her body and soul with light.
The passion erupted in a clash of destructive romance as their lust did ignite
at their touch.
And the Goddess fell in love,
With a mortal?
This was unheard of!
But the fool who had driven her mad,
Did not understand what he had.
The power and glorious might she possessed,
Her beauty unrivaled - which left men obsessed,
Her magic, her grace, her celestial face,
But greater than all, her divine jealous rage.
And Fool that he was,
Our old clown, Gnarcissus,
Squandered the love of his goddess above.
He was given a gift
No mortals had known,
His mind was a cloud
and his heart was a stone.
And his sins of the flesh
with a mortal like he,
Left him ****** for eternity.
For the Goddess,
Who loved and burned for him,
Watched him kiss her
on the skin
Beneath her chin,
Upon her chest,
Between her legs,
And all the rest.
Never once before had she
Endured the pangs of jealousy!
"How the Living Hell could he,
Betray me so easily?
A curse I'll place
upon his face,
His simple mind
I shall erase!
And as he falls
Out of my grace
I'll watch his pain
And *******."

And to this day,
He sits and hates
himself
Alone,
Left to his fate.
And to this day,
She won the game
of love, lust, loss and flames.
Though she may have lost a mate,
Now she's always entertained.
I guess you could call it a written self portrait?
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
The fires of memory
Burning brightly in my mind, I must
Remember the agony I endured
Desires still rage in me
Pangs of anger mixed with lust
I won't forget the way it hurt

To be alone
Truly alone
With no one to talk to, cause nobody loves you
Sitting at home
Rotting away
Broken & pining for the day you will die all alone

Alone... In the dark
Shadows surrounding
Deep in my own black abyss
Will I wait
Where I have no shadow,
And am truly alone with my hate.

My inner demons miss me
Since I abandoned them for you
The poison deep within me is long overdue
To venomize my love with scorn
A hypnotizing spell
And leave me but an empty shell
Desolate and worn

The thorns of darkness tear my flesh
As I briefly feel the ghost's caress
Of what seems like an old nightmare
I used to have back then
And though my smile retains its warmth
I confess to harboring a storm
Just beneath the surface of my calm exterior

But I remember when
I contemplated death
As a viable prospect
For my future
And never again
Will I fall so far
To consider the ending
A suture.
I was feeling lots of feelings around the time I wrote this. That's what I DO remember about it.
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
She is like a fire in my soul, I crave her
Flesh against flesh, only she livens me
A slave to my lust, entranced by her beauty
I have a need to see her in pain
And in my mind, these visions I have of her
Kneeling before me, expectantly waiting
With bruises and bites, the marks of my love
Unsatisified, my longing increases

An ordinary name turns to a divine symphony
When uttered, but only with her in mind
This goddess I must make my slave
Though she'll be forever the one in control

Waking dreams of sordid acts
Fill my mind each night and day
I close my eyes and watch her body writhe
With agony and ecstasy
I pull her closer into me
And feel a pleasure so intense I wonder if I've died

She begs me to call her a *****
My hands around her neck
As I feel each breath travel in and out
And study the curve of her back

Consumed and enthralled, she whispers my name
My name is the sound of victory
Dark queen of desire, let us bathe in this fire
Of passion burning blissfully

In this, our inferno of celestial sin
Where unbridled lust meets uncovered skin
Her deafening rapture that shakes her throughout
Is all that can quell my burning within
This was one of my first 'lust odes' ever written, and it was written for/about a 'lesbian.'
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
Love can be
A many wretched thing
Can poison wizened minds in ways
A madman couldn't dream
Love can be
A toxin in the blood
That fills the veins with sorcery
Of Lucifer's design

To love is to feel pain
To love is to know hate
To love is to burn away
In unforgiving flames
To love, to love
To love is to be insane

But still it remains, I remember the sight
Of a lost love adorned with the night

Together we lay
Beneath a diamond studded canopy
Of shining stars in the black beyond
Together as one
Souls interlocked, bodies entwined
She and I, alone in the night
The night, the night
She and I alone in the night

To love is to feel pain
To love is to know hate
To love is to burn away
In unforgiving flames
To love, to love
To love is to be insane

And yet it remains, I still remember the sight
Of her beauty adorned with the night

I can't forget
Her face caressed by the moon
The power in each sigh, the sky
And how the stars did bathe in her eyes
I don't regret
The tender warmth of her embrace
The way my name would shape her face
Her touch, her taste
When she was mine in the groves of grace

So let it remain, I still remember the sight
Of her beauty adorned with the night
And though there was pain, on this deadwinter night
I remember the warmth and the light

Of the woman I loved
In the autumn moonlight
And of her pale beauty
Adorned with the night
Of the woman I loved
I still remember the sight
Of her beauty adorned with the night.
I wrote a lot of less-than-happy songs about this particular ex. This one is my favorite though, probably because I'd rather remember the good stuff than the bad.
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
It was late on a cold November night that I remember first laying eyes on her. She was sitting in a bar not far from the train station where, upon rare occasion the train would stop as a stranger got off. It was a very rare occurrence, made even rarer with time, that I would see someone worth my attention or time. On the evening preceding this dark November night, I distinctly recall first seeing the sight of this glorious girl, teeth white as pearls, reflecting the light from her gorgeous blonde curls. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, she moved from the train to the ground like a dream, her eyes ignited fires of emerald green, her honey sweet complexion seemed to glow in the flow of the late autumn fog. I saw her in the bar and I flocked to her side. She smiled at me wildly, prepared to take a chance. She had come seeking adventure and a throwaway romance.
I resisted telling her all the thoughts that filled my burning mind. I couldn't bear the thought of her leaving me behind, so I played the strong and silent type, and she kept me by her side. I savored any opportunity to make this angel mine.
She asked me if I knew a place, someplace far away. Some place unpolluted by societal decay. Somewhere we could be alone with no more interruptions. Somewhere our sacred time might continue uncorrupted.
The trees, how lightly they hung in the breeze! It made a perfect canopy for her and for me. We lay on a cliff top that overlooked the sea, just my divine Aphrodite, and me.
She grabbed me with her hands, ice cold, and kissed me madly as my heart took control. My mind engulfed in passionate flames, my self-control melted away. I took her beneath the stars and the moon, and the winds of the sea sang along to our tune. Alone in the air left painted dark blue, we became one in the grace of the gloom. I caressed her face as her body did writhe, euphoric we were in blessed moments of life. We howled like wolves in the roar of the night, bathed in ocean scented moonlight. Our spirits united in a flash of white lightning as the earth seemed to shatter right up into the sky. There was a silence that swept over our time, locking our minds inside each other's eyes. Her lashes batted brightly as her face became a smile. And for a single sweet moment she was perfectly mine.
I unsheathed my knife. Her eyes opened wide as I stabbed her nine times. I watched her die. The perfect stranger.
She'll forever stay mine.
An experiment in stylistic fusion - part prose, part love song, part horror.
 Oct 2014 Tina Marie
Xan Abyss
Her name means the earth
Her eyes are like the sea
Oceanic windows to majestic mysteries
Her skin glows like the moon
Around her smile of ivory
And I stand in the presence of heaven
When she is here before me
Her perfume is a garden of celestial aromas
Her voice is an echo of the comforts of a home
And my heart skips a beat when I hear her say my name because
The beauty that she glows with outshines all I've ever known
She's a goddess in a world of demons
Feet planted in the ground
Head floating in the clouds
Her love is a euphoric feeling
Intoxication
With no comedown
Her body is a grave, an eternal resting place
Inviting, soft and warm - so nice
You'll never want to leave
And I am but a slave to her affection and her grace
Alone at last in her embrace
I forever wish to stay
And at the end of all this time
I'm lost in her oceanic eyes
She is my afterlife,
My world divine
And tonight the world is mine.
I wrote this about someone I no longer speak to. But hey, it's pretty.
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