A lonely day
One after love
One by itself

Not celebrated
Nor is it hated
Just average.

On the edge again
The void down below
If you think too much
You'll take a step back

Ignore yourself
Suppress the thoughts
Leave care behind
Just take the step

Grab onto the fence
Don't you dare let go
Rob you every cent
Strike your newest low

You feel the thunder
The lightning within
You begin to wonder
Is this where it ends?

Hold on for the ride
While gasping for air
Just keep it inside
And let your mind wear

Looking for some hope
Pressure on your chest
You think you can cope
But just do your best

If I knew my life was ending in 3 days I don't think I'd do anything grand. It's not like I'm a hero or a celebrity. It's not like I have the money to do anything audacious or that I would want to impart my will on everyone for an unknown amount of time. I would likely watch youtube, hang out with my cat a bit more, and not tell my friends of my circumstances. I don't think I'd leave a letter either.

Perspective on these kinds of things can change with time, of course, but I've felt similarly for a while now. It's always like you're just drifting through life with little control over yourself, little to impart on others that feels impactful, and little to achieve what makes you happy in the moment without facing large consequences.

If I had 3 days, I would keep being me while maybe listening to the loudest music possible and maybe I'd start writing poetry again. Surely an event as big as your death will make the ideas start flowing? At least, that's what I feel most people would think. I've had a few near death experiences and one recently that made it seem like I will die here shortly (not including my depressive episodes), and nothing changed in that regard. The only change that happened for me, was a slight recontextualization of how I think about how my actions affect those around me, but even then it doesn't mean I think before I speak (sorry to those who know who they are).

In the end, while I think I know how I would act and feel with only having 3 days left, it could be that the fact that I wasn't certain about my end means that I continued on as normal until I keel over because there was a chance. If there was no chance, would that finally be the thing that would sway me to actually change the way I behave? Would I be able to study? Would I be able to focus on topics that don't immediately grab my attention? Would I try to go out and meet new people?

I doubt it.

Cheating on you-
With myself.
Nothing to do.
Not with you.

It happens to
everyone.
It will affect
everything.
A set of dolls
smashed.
A child's life
bashed.
Your car's
crashed.
Headlights
flashed
A marriage
trashed.


You've caused
abuse.
You've been
abused.
Family can
abuse.
Laws are
abused.

A body on the streets
Step around, it reeks.

Life's been wasted
Thrown out for cash
Abrasion o' justice
The rich hide the rash

More than one
Less than two
Who am I
Without you?

Talking to myself
Might seem crazy.
Especially
when in public.

But I didn't think
I was talking
to myself.

I thought
I was talking
to you.

I'm bad with names
It's a **** shame
If only I could remember
the few people I've met.

I mean no disrespect
when I ask your name
I guess in retrospect
I should make it a game.

When I ask; take a shot
Or add a buck to the ***
I don't mean to offend
When I forget your name.

I swear I'm doing my best
Won't put you with the rest
To me you're a special guest.

So no offense
When I forget your name.
But I'll hold you close
Ti'll the time comes to forget your face.

Why am I yelling?
Why am I angry?
The hate keeps swelling
just feeding the fire.

The water inside
is just boiling out
There's no way to hide
it's making me shout.

But if it spills over
how will it end?
will it finally takeover?
I didn't mean to offend.

I wanted to say I'm back
To make you smile or make you laugh
Reassure you that I'm here to stay
But motivation is what I lack.
May I should spend more time and write a paragraph
Or just wait until some other day.

I can't say for sure that what I write's any good.
But I can say with all my heart, that it's something me.

Apathy
Brings only pain
A bullet in part
It enters your brain
And goes out your heart

Am I just another face in the crowd?
Given no reason to be proud
Just hear me scream so loud
Watching the farm get plowed.

Comes down on me so hard
I don't know what to feel
Leaving my body scarred
How'd life get so real?

Beatings that can't be seen
Controlling behind the screen
Beat me like your coward queen
Cover up and clean the scene

My face, a price of gold
Create my priceless mold
Flaunt me, but can't be sold
Trade me when you grow old.

When you get something new
Buy me for my appeal
no one really cares what's true
When you forever kneel.

A silent voice
Screams out in fright
A mournful cry
that fills the night

The chilling note
Falls on deaf ears
And all she wrote;
Ignored by her peers

A silent voice
Met another
It was his choice;
Restart together.

To those who read and those who plead
A message for one and all to heed
Please please, I need your attention please
A fickle star such as me has much to need
If we choose to leave or stay in times of greed
Then we must heave the grey lives we lead
It's so sad yes so sad to see our love bleed
Watching them fall like Indian beads

Listen listen please, or we'll be bound
For if we don't we'll lose all we've found
If we refuse to let free our hearts that pound
Then we will be forced to stick to the ground
The sky! Please look to the sky!
For we dream to fly up so high!
Like a bird! Yes a bird! If a lowly bird can fly!
Then why shouldn't we go and give it a try?

Now look brother now see sister! If we leave we're free!
We can leave this land and reach new heights above seas!
The sky will burn no more the green will finally flee!
Our lives, destroyed by our love for getting the lead
We must band together and finally we'll get to see
The world outside is more than just a sad dream
Outside is where our chance lies, waiting for one keen eye

An eye! yes an eye! Please please give me an eye.
If the mist takes lives and removes our eyes
Surely the sky above all sky's will fix our lies.
Fix our lies? No not our lies, fix our lives!
With no more lives to deal with strife
We'll be set free into a world without life.
Our perfect world awaits us we must leave!
But now we all see that our chance is lost.
There is no life the green takes it all.
There is no truth the lies hide it all.
There is no hope the sky still falls.
It takes just one mistake for us to end it all.

Leaning back
In my chair
Balancing
My weight.

I'm not scared
If I fall
All I'll break
Is your heart.

How to write a poem?
I ask this question often.
Don't make it too deep
Don't make it too shallow
Engage your reader
New ideas come and go
Chase after them
Or let them flow
Dive into your creativity
End it on a mellow note.

First time in a while
I'm a bit rusty
I've struggled before
but you can trust me

You know I've been scraped
And how I've been bruised
But I've changed my shape
And managed my tune.

Guess it's time to work
Get back in the fray
Just another perk.
Lets live another day.

Mister White sends his kids to school.
Mister Black keeps his kids at home.
Mister Grey ponders if he's just a fool.
"Calm down and let go" says mister White.
"Hold on to remember" says mister Black.
"But he stole me of life!" says mister Grey.

Mister White, being calm and just tells mister Grey,
"Karma can carry you to victory, be fair to him and you'll be fine."
Mister Black, never seeing eye to eye with mister White tells him,
"If you let time take it's course, you'll never get anywhere in life, take action and make haste."
Mister Grey, not knowing what to say replies,
"Mister White, mister Black, thanks to you both, but Karma can take a life and rushing causes recklessness."
Mister White ponders his thought and says to him,
"That may be true, but if we take action we can endanger the lives of the innocent."
Mister Black lets the idea roll around in his head before saying,
"You may be right, however, if we don't do something we allow them to continue with their crimes."
Mister Grey seeing there's no right or wrong wonders,
"If I were younger would I be more like mister Black? If I had concept of time would I be more like mister White?"
Mister Grey chews on this idea, spitting out the truth, mister Grey leaves.

Bottle me up
Push me down
Bury me
Beneath your guts
I'll squirm
And it will hurt
But you can't.
You can't let me show.
If someone sees
You'll be outlawed
You'll be ostracized
You'll be a coward.
You'll be hated.
Now keep it a secret.

*******.

A misty morning; skies clearing

I see the rainbow; endearing

I follow its glow; *** of gold

Adventure and fun; I've been sold

When I close in; I look around

I see once more; stories abound!

Chopsticks
Don't look down
Don't fall
Don't worry
Don't give in
Don't listen
Ignore them
Ignore the thoughts
Keep moving
Keep thinking
No don't
Don't think
You'll fall
Chopsticks
They're frail
Don't falter
Push forward
Keep moving
Keep going
Keep moving
Don't think
Trust them
They don't lie

They snapped

Everyday someone enters.
Everyday someone leaves.
But not me.

I've been here for 12 years now.
The pain I feel gets better with time.

Or so I'm told.

Isn't it ironic?
Someone tells me what it's like
But then I experience it.
Tell them otherwise.
But I'm wrong.

As usual.

Come my child
Confess your sin
Unchain your pain
Release what's within

Come my child
Our father listens
Just go wild
It'll teach you lessons

Come my child
Fix the life you've lead
For if you don't
Then I'll be the one
To put a Bullet in your head.

Mass production
just turn the crank

Mass destruction
hide in the tank

"You won" he said.
as he slapped a label on my back
Your story's been read
then he left me with the pack

I guess I won
the prize is shame;
a forgotten name,
a lifetime of pain.

At least something's been gained
another award put in the stash
My medallion of empty gold
to help soften my headfirst crash

Can you connect?
I can't.
These scribbles?
A mess.
Senseless scratches
On paper.

What happened to you?
Why are you broken?
Would you like some help?
Should I leave you be?

Are you shattered too?
Have you awoken?
Tell me how you felt.
Tell me what you see.

I am your family
So you can trust me
There's no need to leave

I'm your biggest fan
I'm what you're to be
My heart's on my sleeve.

At last, you've joined
Another day spent.

Now you're one of us.
It's where you must've went.

But now, you are gone

And now I'm content.

I put on my cap and gown and went outside.
The wind was gentle and the sun was warm.
My gown was smooth, soft, and it made me happy.
My cap was light and ready to be thrown miles.
The moment comes and the moment passes.
My gown's still folded on the counter with my cap on top.
Neither has been worn, what's the point?
Maybe someone can use it in the future.
I'll just save it for them.

Mountain so high
Please tell me why
Why you continue to grow
The worlds falling don't ya know?
Up is where you belong
If only I were that strong
I'd follow you wherever you go

Here I am
The shadow of a man
That never was.

Dedication: Hours to your craft
Inspiration: Found from within
Motivation: To climb and succeed
Squandered: Stolen, lost, destroyed.

Keep me from public
Cover my face
Hide my words
Remove from the world
What little I left.

Scrub away the remains
And let me fade
into obscurity.

There's nothing left
You can't escape
There's only death
Accept your fate.

A rainbows end
Should not be sad.

For its life
Was full of color.

The other side,
A new journey.

Glimmering gold
Is where it starts.

Shining beauty
Is where it parts.

Then the clouds leave.
As is the law.

Around the bend,
The last it saw.

Do not weep for a rainbow-
Even though it may be sad.

When you mourn for the rainbow-
You ruin what it once had.

I'm gonna **** myself
But it's for attention
So it doesn't count
So just let this slide.

When you hear the bang
Don't enter the room.

I want you to call the police.
Tell them you heard a loud bang in my room.

Don't worry about the future
I left a box of stuff.

In the box, there's a list.
It's for Matt. Don't look.
Unless you hate surprises.

I left enough gifts on there to last you 20 years.
Matt will buy them
Or he'll feel like ****.

For Ky, I left my computer.
Hers is better, but she said she wanted mine
When we were 12.

For Hope, I leave my grandma's blanket.
It's torn and filthy, but that adds to its history.

I don't want you to enter at all.
At least for a year.

When the time's up
You'll find something special.

When it comes time to clean
Have Matt and Brian do it.

For Jared, I leave my old games
He says they're collectors.

For Liam, I leave Fire Emblem.
Maybe this will get him to play it.

Sorry that it was always me and you.
And not someone more interesting.

Jenna will console you
at least at first.
So you'll have someone else to talk to.

I was never good at conversation
So sorry for wasting time

But maybe now,
I'll be good for conversation.

The earworm
In my head
Had made it
To my brain
And eaten
What little's
Left

A fighter.
A hero.
A rebel.
A leader.
As good as they come.
That was Echidna.

Hello?
Can you hear me?

Do you feel the same?
You do?

Hello?
Can you repeat me?

Hello?
Can you give me my opinion?

Hello?
Should we silence all disagreement?

Elves during summertime
with their drink and songs
They smile and they laugh
they help right my wrongs

When they're waking up
they jest with the birds
When they're winding down
they leave loving words

Elves on the mountainside
they frolic and they play
A place I can visit
but I cannot stay

Upon the hill
I see the light glow
A place of happiness
That I'll never know

One heart beats and another starts
The machine assembles the parts.
Sprinkled with water it's set free
Our lives are spent to bloom the seed.
A woman's cry to start this life
The tools never tell us lies.
It tells us it's positive
Try to pause a bit.
Let things slow down
Thought's will make you drown.
Your belief tells you what
Your mind thinks too much.
Say yes to end the pain
But end a life in vain.

Working and pregnant?
No time off

Graduated from college?
4 years; no job

Born into a poor family?
Invest in real estate

Paid minimum wage?
Work harder.

Sick in need of meds?
Only costs $750

Born a minority?
Stop being lazy

For these reasons and more
We hope you enjoy your stay
In the USA.

This poem's fake
But what did you expect?
With me being pushed so hard
How am I supposed to connect?
I'll type up something that provokes emotion
But makes you lose a little respect.
I'll say, "It's the flow of the ocean"
To cover up what I feel
I'll keep it short
But I'll keep it sharp.
My poems, like me, are fake
But you like it nonetheless.

I can see it on the bridge
The moonlight reflecting off it
My cats fear it
Now they stay in at night

I can hear it howling in the dark
Screaming for a mate?
Or roaring from hunger pangs?
But I know it sees me.

In the morning
I opened my door
To see it...
Scurry away.

Late at night, alone in my house
I could hear it's breath on my window
It was salivating.
In the morning it will have me.
And I...
Will be delicious.

Fight for what's left
Not for what's right
What's right's subjective
What's left's objective.

The future's built
On what we have
The future's lost
To what we want.