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Chris Apr 23
A misty morning; skies clearing

I see the rainbow; endearing

I follow its glow; *** of gold

Adventure and fun; I've been sold

When I close in; I look around

I see once more; stories abound!
Have a good idea
Start project
Tell everyone.

Never finish
Chris Mar 26
If I knew my life was ending in 3 days I don't think I'd do anything grand. It's not like I'm a hero or a celebrity. It's not like I have the money to do anything audacious or that I would want to impart my will on everyone for an unknown amount of time. I would likely watch youtube, hang out with my cat a bit more, and not tell my friends of my circumstances. I don't think I'd leave a letter either.

Perspective on these kinds of things can change with time, of course, but I've felt similarly for a while now. It's always like you're just drifting through life with little control over yourself, little to impart on others that feels impactful, and little to achieve what makes you happy in the moment without facing large consequences.

If I had 3 days, I would keep being me while maybe listening to the loudest music possible and maybe I'd start writing poetry again. Surely an event as big as your death will make the ideas start flowing? At least, that's what I feel most people would think. I've had a few near death experiences and one recently that made it seem like I will die here shortly (not including my depressive episodes), and nothing changed in that regard. The only change that happened for me, was a slight recontextualization of how I think about how my actions affect those around me, but even then it doesn't mean I think before I speak (sorry to those who know who they are).

In the end, while I think I know how I would act and feel with only having 3 days left, it could be that the fact that I wasn't certain about my end means that I continued on as normal until I keel over because there was a chance. If there was no chance, would that finally be the thing that would sway me to actually change the way I behave? Would I be able to study? Would I be able to focus on topics that don't immediately grab my attention? Would I try to go out and meet new people?

I doubt it.
thought it was worth journaling
Chris Oct 2022
On the edge again
The void down below
If you think too much
You'll take a step back

Ignore yourself
Suppress the thoughts
Leave care behind
Just take the step
  Aug 2022 Chris
They say the sun,
was selfless to a fault,
he died everyday,
to let the moon get,
a glimpse of the world
Chris Aug 2022
Looking through notifs
******* my own ****

Re-read my 'hits'
I love rolling in ****

Proclaiming my works 'art'
Mmm I sure love my farts

If you're not me then don't try
I'm the only one that can move me to cry
Everyone has to deal with narcissism to some degree and when I enter this website I feel like such a ******* *****
Chris Aug 2022
I want to write something, but I have depression.
Inspired by my depression
Chris Apr 2021
I can see it on the bridge
The moonlight reflecting off it
My cats fear it
Now they stay in at night

I can hear it howling in the dark
Screaming for a mate?
Or roaring from hunger pangs?
But I know it sees me.

In the morning
I opened my door
To see it...
Scurry away.

Late at night, alone in my house
I could hear it's breath on my window
It was salivating.
In the morning it will have me.
And I...
Will be delicious.
Title Inspired by the song "Fear of The Dark" by Iron Maiden, I was listening to Orion by Metallica, and it was inspired by What Remains of Edith Finch
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