it’s 3 am and i’m still awake
i’m watching the video again
can’t believe how long it’s been
and how far away you are
i still dream about you and wishing
that I was there with you tonight
my heart is aching and my eyes
are tearing up once again
i look back on all the memories
with a smile
but tonight all i can do is cry

*(s.m)

I'm here
trying to save your ***
and all you do
is to stand there
laughing
laughing at me
Why won't you realize
that your pain
is what's making me suffer
I need you
don't leave me
please
let me help you
please

when i go to sleep
i lay awake for at least
an hour or three
thoughts, memories and worries
filling my mind
but my mind is empty
i can’t hear anything
but yet everything
i feel numb
but yet i feel everything
every move, feeling and sense
nothing can make it stop
so i just lay awake
waiting
for it to pass
so my mind can get some rest

*(s.m)

My world is falling apart. I can’t see any light in the end of this long dark tunnel. The waves are flooding and I can’t find my way home. I can’t breathe. Is it all just a bad nightmare?

"What's wrong?"
Everything it seems like
but I guess nothing
The truth is,
I don't know
Well I do,
but you can't handle the truth
so I just go with nothing
take the easy way out
saving everyone from the truth
and myself included
"What's wrong?"
Nothing.

*(s.m)

i'm at this point where
i need something bad to happen
so that i can talk to someone
because there is no
apparent reason for me
to feel the way i do right now
so i can't talk to anyone about it
i can't tell how devastated i am
or how much i'm hurting
it feels like something is eating me up from the inside
and it hurts more than ever
but nothing happened
so i'm just gonna sit here
in the dark biting my tongue
hoping that someone will come
hold my hand and tell me that it is okay

*(s.m)

I'm just in that mood
again
everything annoys me
everything irritates me
I wanna punch a hole in the wall
and break down in tears
for no apparent reason
I'm just in that mood
again

last night was one of those nights
the numbers on my alarm clock
had just to shifted to 3 am, once again
i got up and closed the door shut
went back and sat on my bed
with my back against the wall
i felt the pinching in my face
and acid tears streaming down my face
i gasped desperately, but silent for air
and i tried to make myself stop shaking
thinking about everything that is wrong
with me and my life and with the world
exhausted and with deep breaths i cried
and i cried myself to sleep, once again
today i woke up in the corner of my bed
i had a pounding headache
but i got out of bed just like any other morning

*(s.m)

I hate it how
whenever you need me
I’m there
always
I won’t ever let you down
But every time
that I’m in need
in need of talking to you
it’s like I don’t exist
not before your problems occur
again I’m there
my world is crashing down
you still don’t see me
you still don’t hear me
you’re simply not there
but I always am

*(s.m)

my troubled thoughts
keeping me restless
everyday i’m wondering
if my mind will ever find peace

*(s.m)

i need you here
hold my hand
hold me tight
wipe away my
tears and hug me
listen to my
random thoughts
don’t say a word
hold me cause
i’m falling
tell me everything
will be okay
and that every fight
will be worth it
stay

you’re the only one I can talk to
the only one who actually understands
but every time I try,
you give up on me
you’re causing more damage than good
but i don’t wanna admit it
i need you
just you
so please,
try
for me
try
stay here
help me

*(s.m)

she asked me if i had any
i hesitated and looked down
she came over and sat next to me
held my hands and looked deeply
into my eyes almost tearing up
she pulled up my long sleeved shirt
gasped silent and tried not to show
how shocked and worried she was
she caressed them calmly
hugged me as tightly as she could
wiped away my tears
told me everything will be okay
without her, i wouldn’t be here

*(s.m)

Sitting in class
pinching my wrist
trying to focus
my eyes hurt
and itch from
all the crying
i did last night

Sitting at home
i put on my
happy face
acting up
like nothing’s
wrong and my
day went great

With friends
i laugh
with them
acting like
i’m happy
and without
worries

Sitting alone
music blasting
writing proems
thinking and
worrying, trying
not to cry
falling apart

*(s.m)

she told me I was important to her
she would do anything for me
she wouldn’t know what to do
if i didn’t make it through all this
she had given up on the rest, but me
she believed in me
she would fight for me
I was to important to just be
thrown to the ground
I was important to someone
and I think that saved my life
she has saved my life

*(s.m)

i told her i was fine but she looked into my eyes,
held my hand
and said “i know you are not”
she made me feel special
she made me feel like i matter to some people
she made me trust her
she let me into her heart
she held me tight,
listened,
wiped away my tears
but most importantly,
she cared
and she gave me
everything
she is right there every second of the day
and she never left even after all this
i’m surprised and thankful that she puts up with me
my broken soul
and my mind filled with darkness
i don’t know how to ever pay her back
i’ve never trusted anyone as much as i trust her before
she saved my life  

*(s.m)

I’m sorry for waisting your time
rambling on talking about all
and nothing just hoping that
you will catch the hints and
my shaky hands and the
blur in eyes
but you didn’t and i don’t
know how to talk and how
to cry
what do I need to do for
you to realize that all day
and everyday i’m in pain
i’m fighting everyday to
keep my head held up
when you will you see
that i’m in pain

*(s.m)

I can’t cry anymore
so instead
I just sit there
staring blankly at the wall
and feeling my heart
breaking into a million pieces
and no words are coming out
speechless and heartbroken

*(s.m)

I pinch myself
just to feel alive
I’m still alive
but I’m barely breathing
feels like I’ve been shot
a million times
I’m caught in the middle
the middle of a war zone
please check
am I still breathing?

*(s.m)

Last night,
I cried my eyes out
this morning they were hurting
I drew a line on my wrist
it was red
just like my eyes
I cried myself to sleep
and when my alarm sounded
6.45 this morning
I was reminded
that I’m stuck in an evil circle
6.45 everyday
I’m reminded
that I’m stuck

*(s.m)

I feel stupid
I can’t remember anything
crying in class is starting to get normal
people leaving
doesn’t wanna work with me
telling me to step up
and get over it
just move on
they don’t understand
any of them
fighting everyday
no one knows
but if only they did

I’m fighting my tears
all day
every day
What have I done
please tell me
what have I done
to deserve all this pain
I need answers
why am I fighting
please tell me

*(s.m)

She saved my life
and I have no clue how to thank her properly
I don't think she really knows
or how much she means to me
nor how much she's done for me
and when I try to explain it
I sound foolish and can't get my words to sound right

*(s.m)

Thank you
for everything
Thank you
for listening
Thank you
for understanding
Thank you
for all your comfort
all your love
all your hugs
Thank you
for being you
Thank you,

*(s.m)

Thank you*
For reaching out to me when I needed it the most
For making me feel safe when talking to you
For being there when no one else was

Thank you
For believing in me when I don't myself
For allowing me to cry or just stare into the wall
For letting me sit in silence without having to say a word

Thank you
For listening to me for hours to end
For giving me the space and peace I've needed
For being the reason I got up and fought a little more

Thank you
For being more understanding than anyone ever before
For opening up your home to me even though you didn't have to
For holding my hand and assuring me that everything will be okay

Thank you
For all your support
For not giving up on me
For being with me through some of my worst times

Thank you for your warmth and all your hugs
I honestly wouldn't have made it this far without you
I'm truly grateful and forever will be
Thank you for saving me and for everything you've done

From the bottom of my heart, thank you

*(s.m)

I’m sick and tired of being that friend
the one everyone turns to and the one
who has to sort out everyones problems
i’m sick of being everyones punching bag
but i’m that friend who will always be there
and help you through your problems
even when I’m feeling like **** myself
can I for once be the one to be asked
if I’m okay?

*(s.m)

Everything has turned upside down
they've changed
all of them
only god knows
what have happened
it's confusing
and frustrating
stressing me out
I don't know anything
they aren't talking anymore
I'm left
all by myself
like the third wheel
they've been using me
pretending all along
it hurts
it hurts so ******* bad
I'm starting to wonder
wonder what I've done
what I've said
but nothing comes to mind
please tell me
what have I done?

today
i feel weak and small
today
small problems become big
my brain is so full
i can hardly speak
today*
i’m batteling my mind
fighting the pain
trying to survive
with teary eyes
and an aching heart

*(s.m)

today
i feel weak and small
invisible and forgettable
unimportant and worthless
today
my brain is so full
i can hardly speak
and hardly breathe
today*
battling my mind
fighting the pain
hurt in my body
crying acid tears
trying to survive

today is just like any other day

*(s.m)

everything seems to be pure hell right now
i just need someone to sit with me and
tell me that everything will be alright
and that tomorrow will be better
but now i’ve tried so many times
and no tomorrow is better
nothing changes
i’ve kinda lost hope in this
things won’t get better
not today, tomorrow or next week
but please just give me some more hope
and if you keep telling me it gets better
it will, won’t it?
cause you promised me you would be honest with me

*(s.m)

I trusted you
I told you everything
everything on my mind
and in my heart
everything
I needed your help
but you broke it
you broke my trust
you weren't who I thought you were
completely different
I'm disappointed
and hurt
you hurt my feelings
more than you can ever imagine
I'm broken
you broke me
and now I can't talk to anyone anymore
I'm terrified
because of you
You broke me
I now find it hard
to trust
not only myself
but everyone else around me
You broke my trust

(s.m)

there can be several reasons for my silence
either i didn't sleep much last night
maybe i just don't have anything to talk about
i might be over analyzing things
maybe i'm upset, worried or scared
i could be falling apart inside
but most of the times it's just all of the above

*(s.m)

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
*No one asked...

I tend to tell everyone that I’m fine
and that things are getting better
also that the pain inside is fading
but I still feel the sting of the pain
there are scars deep in my heart
and they are only getting deeper
the pain in my eyes is lingering
i’m trying to hide my tears all day
every second of the day
I can’t look into your eyes
cause my guard will be teared down
I’m trying to hide away the pain
for my own and everyone else’ good
I’m hurt, ashamed and scared

*(s.m)

sometimes i wish for someone
who will listen to me when i'm silent
just hear the silence speak for itself
someone to listen and understand
all my unspoken thoughts and feelings
and see the pain that is hiding
without looking into my eyes

*(s.m)

I don't know how to tell you I'm broken
without feeling needy

I don't know how to open up
without feeling judged

I don't know how to cry
when my tears feel like acid

I just need you to see that I'm hurting
without me telling you
because my words are bleeding out
of my mouth, waiting for you
to stitch me up and make me fine
although I know that's not your job

this storm have been raging
inside me for several years
i can force a smile and a laugh
but no one knows how hard
nor how painful all this is
i’m choking on my tears
and all the pain i feel inside
doesn’t seem to have an end
the weather outside is terrible
i haven’t seen the sun for years

*(s.m)

You are there all the time
stuck in my head
I hear you all the time
you never leave
why are you here?
I’m fed up
with lies and hurtful words
you are all I got
all I’ve ever had
I trust you
I believe you
I know you are not supposed to be here
but I let you
I know I need help
but I’m scared
and who would even believe me?
I hide it
not wanting anyone so see
but I have nothing to hide
I feel like I’m drowning
feel like falling
I don’t want anyone to know
so here goes nothing

*(s.m)

once you told me
to stop feeling sorry
for myself and just
get up and pull
myself together
you told me there
are people out there
feeling worse than me
and my problems are
nothing compared to others
you don’t know that
everyday is a struggle
my problems are bigger
than they might seem
you pushed me and
you pressured me to
get up and forget
about everything and move
on
you made me go
through hours, days, months
hurting and in pain
i never came through
that pain it’s still
stuck inside of me
now i’m stuck here
more in pain than
ever
you forgot me and
you left me behind
where did you go?
where are you now?

*(s.m)

Everyone who has told me they
would always be there for me
have left
I’m done opening up to people
done trusting
I just end up hurting myself in the long run
But for some reason
I’m still hoping and waiting and praying
for someone who will care
honestly and genuinely care for me
someone who will always be there for me
and to hold me tight
wipe away my tears
and someone to promise me that everything will be okay
cause right now I don’t believe it when saying it myself

*(s.m)

this storm has been raging
inside me for several years
i can force a smile and a laugh
but no one knows how hard it is
nor how painful it is
i’m choking on my tears
and the pain i feel inside
doesn't seem to have an end
the weather is terrible outside
i haven’t seen the sun for years

*(s.m)

she’s smiling
so you take a guess
that nothing is wrong

but you don't really know
how much she actually suffers
how much she actually cries at night
every night there are floods streaming down
running down her fragile and vulnerable face

her eyes are red as blood
just like the scars on her wrists
she hides her face with big scarfs and makeup
and she hides her body away with oversized clothes

doesn’t that tell you anything?
that maybe you should
take another guess

*(s.m)

Yesterday, I felt like I mattered to someone
she remembered my name and my face
how I used to look and where I’ve been
she asked me about some things that
i barely remember, but she did
she’s unbelievably amazing
she saved my life back then
and she doesn’t even know
i had a perfect night
she saved me
once again
yesterday

*(s.m)

You* saw the storm in my eyes
You heard the silence in my voice
You noticed the heaviness in my heart

It felt like everything was gonna be okay
once I opened up and started talking to you

(s.m)