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Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
With everyone around me yelling why are you breathing
I often ask myself the question should I even be living
I've never thought of suicide as an escape
To stare up at a slab of wood paid for with my life savings
Why would anyone choose that over spilling unwanted blood
I AM ALIVE!
I EXIST!
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
Why am I always alone?! You said you were lonelier with me then you ever were on your own! Well are you happy now?! Do you finally have that connection that I couldn't provide?! Because I ******* tried! No matter what I did it was never good enough! Now that I left you...ARE YOU HAPPY?!! I'm not...
I can't even talk to her. I want to say I hope she's happy. Though it might be selfish I do hope she's happy...just not happier then me.
Nathan Wischropp Nov 2016
tonight i walked through a field that used to scare me
more than i scared myself
and thought of the last time that i felt hopeless
sixteen in my fathers car wondering how
an artificial light could make me feel so empty
and if it looked as dull pouring from street lights
as it did shining from my tiny arms
on days when the world was too loud
and my voice was too small

i wish i had known you then
about your mind and how it perfectly mimics my own
or how good it felt to lie in this field
knowing it was never death that interested me
it was the idea of an opportunity
to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere
but here

and you thanked me for curing you
for saving your life when you thought nobody could
and reminding you that people are worth loving
and worth holding onto
but i’m left with a knot in my chest asking
why this feels so much like leaving
and letting go

treat me like a stained mattress
rest your body on my body
let me feel the weight of your existence
so i know what purpose feels like
and i’ll lie patiently, waiting for a kiss
three seconds to prove to you
that the biggest mistake of your life
was jumping before the building collapsed

i’m sorry you thought this couldn’t work
because i’ve never wanted anything more
in my entire life
than to prove that it could
Nathan Wischropp Nov 2016
why can't I write anything original
Even if that's my topic I can already hear the critics cry out
"How unoriginal this poem is"
In that response am I left speechless?
Do I just drop my hypothetical pencil and give up?
Even if the world turns it's back on me
Or at least whats left of my world
I'll keep writing hoping one day my words reach your heart.
Whoever and wherever you are out there.
Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
All I want in this life is to feel close to someone who won't wrong me or sleep with my friends. I want to walk into a room without someone saying I'm trash. To make enough money to support myself and help others. This world is rotten.
Nathan Wischropp Nov 2016
Like frostbite on my fingertips my life is numb and my heart is cold
I've given in to the physical harm and the mental abuse
Waking up each day wondering why and asking myself to cry
All these lies like
If you just be yourself people will like you or
It's okay to cry
I sharpen my razer repeatedly screaming inside to wake up
When in reality I'd rather be asleep
Blood flows like a river from my vains
Spill blood not tears I tell myself
My body grows cold lying on the bathroom floor as the room begins growing dark
Silence follows
Waking up in a hospital bed only to ask myself why...
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
Wearing a fake smile so well and telling everyone I'm okay, little do they know I'm broken. Shattered like glass from a mirror. I couldn't stand to look at myself anymore, BECAUSE I CAN'T HIDE FROM MYSELF WHEN I'M THE ONLY ONE I REALLY WANT TO RUN FROM!! I wish I could rip out these negative emotions that cause me to feel this pain and replace them with you. Because I miss you.
I needed to write but without an idea this one seems as shattered as the point I'm trying to get across.
Nathan Wischropp Dec 2018
looking down at that lipstick print you left on that cigarette and what it meant to me
So here’s your crown to the ******* queen of lies letting every ******* guy between your thighs end my life with your eyes like a knife without words I struggle to find the time to think about you when I’ve found someone new.
Working edit 3
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
Write me a song
Write me a letter
Write me a text
I need to feel your connection
Please
Darling
Don't forget about me
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
You know my mistakes but you don't know me.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
Her bone structure screams touch her, touch her!
Quote from a band I listened to sophomore year.
Nathan Wischropp Dec 2016
This flower had color and good bloom once and yet death blind to the beauty of all living things even one as vibrant as this has swept over it branching it closer to the ground until it breaks
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
Just ******* **** me already.
I'm ready to die.
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
He saw you as a quick **** and a friend, sexurally attached. You were my soul so why choose him? You knew as well as I did once you said you were getting your own place it met moving in. While he pushed me away I fought for you. Even with the loss I love you. I guess I couldn't win every battle. When I'm gone I just hope you look back and remember the good times darling not the dark.
     -the boy you loved.
She said it was a lie.
Nathan Wischropp Jan 2019
Over the past few years I’ve fallen short of writing but a sprinkle every other blue moon on this delicious cake.
Though I never stopped writing on the scratch paper in my head I would have liked to have printed more often for my inactive fans and those of you who stumbled across my trash bin of crumbled feeling on this site.
This year I will upload WEEKLY so don’t be shy to follow me through this year and keep up with my less than thought out poems and lyrics as well as short stories such as Star Crossed Me.
My deepest thanks from your fellow poet ~Pilgrim
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
I find comfort in the thought of death, Sometimes I pray for my last breath. I can't keep lying to everyone SAYING IM OKAY! Because the thing about lying is when you're alone, there's no one left to lie to aside from yourself. The thought of tying my own noose around my neck to lift me into a better place; a place where I can't be sad, can't be hurt, can't feel this pain that shatters me! How is that fair to her?! How is that fair to the ones who actually give a ****?! Pardon my French I'm running. Running with no way to finish or even sort of place. Yet I need to place, not for any kind of award but a place to lay my head because when I'm asleep I'm at peace. In my dreams I can't be sad, can't be hurt, and can't feel this pain. When I'm asleep I'm not shattered. When I'm asleep I'm at peace, there with you. In my dreams we are happy... together.
It's night when it hurts the worst.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
I need help. Feels like I'm sinking with a solid piece of thick glass covering the surface. Trapped with no cracks to even a temp to breath. Yet the glass is clear so I can still see that theres peace on the other side. I reach but sink, deeper still into this heartbreak I once called love. This heartbreak that's shattered me into a million pieces, I WANT TO SCREAM!! I can't breath. I WANT TO CRY! My pride won't let me, yet I feel so alone so lost and so empty. My heart is replaced with a black hole feeding on what light I still hold deep within...why fight it. I've lost her.
I write to anyone who shares this pain. You aren't alone, I hurt with you.
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
When you see pain behind someone's eyes
It's so easy to love them
Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
My emotions are numb my heart is cold.
I open my beers never spilling my tears.
Blood pours from my wrist drip by drip.
Am I broken?
No!
My eyes are open.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
I've been so upset trying to move on from her, it only took so long before perfections lips cured my pain. I think I'm falling for you.
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
Every boy is a **** boy, every girl is a ****.
Maybe that's a perfect picture.
I just want to find someone important to that.
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
I didn't want to realize when we were together how hollow our love was! Now that it's gone I'm still here and all I want to know is love.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
Why call me and tell me you love me? Why put yourself through this? Darling theres only two roads. Love me or move on. I'm tired of you trying to build a path between. I left because you won't let it go. Holding on to every little thing it'll **** you.
Maybe that's all you want is attention. It makes since when I look at your scars and when you sleep around like a *****. You want me to keep caring well guess what I don't. I'm tired of being used by you. Dealing with your *******. Get over yourself and try growing up just enough to get on with your life. I'm happy. Are you?
If you ever find yourself here. Know that I don't hate you. I just don't love you.
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
We shouldn't be here.
Nathan Wischropp Nov 2016
Sunlight shining through my curtains like fire on eyelids reaching over this empty bed in which I lay. The smell of fresh coffee fills the intoxicating  smoke filled air I breathe lighting that morning cigarette. Exhale interrupted by a sudden cough followed by a sigh. The clock ticks 6am. I'd rather be asleep.
Nathan Wischropp Nov 2016
Try and try again
Never changing
The same result each and every day
Worthless trash
Words can't describe
Why am I still in pain
Inside screaming
Never crying
Scars bleeding
Heart beating
I'm alone because I'm broken
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
Why is this whole world fake but wait maybe it's just fate to late I'm here not to care with no fear drink beer not one tear comes to my eye so good-bye sleep tight and good night ***** **** it.
21 in 14 days.
Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
No matter what I do or how hard I try. I'm still trash. My initials are NAW because naw **** that guy.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
So what she chose you.
She didnt like me anyway.
Look at her how could she.
Although darling I still want you.
Guess I'm just a **** boy after all.
Id let her use me again.
I miss her.
When I said I wanted to wait, I only wanted to wait to see if you got back with him. Because I don't like being used.
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
I'll keep fighting for you until you love me.
I won't let you slip away not again.
You may be in love with him...
But let me tell you this darling.
He'll never love you the way I do.
Don't make this mistake please
Stay with me
Not just tonight
But forever
Good luck out there kid
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
Cut me
Burn me
Stab me
Choke me
**** me
Poison me
Kick me
I don't ******* care anymore!
Just take my life PLEASE!
I'm to much of a ***** to pull this ******* trigger I beg you!
I WANT TO DIE!!
A message from my soul
Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
Will you remember the beating of my heart against your chest?!
Will you remember the soft touch of our lips?!
Remember how it felt to stare into each other's eyes?
I still love you.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
If I could go back to that last kiss I would bit down on your tongue until you bleed out that way you would remember it.
Nathan Wischropp Aug 2016
Trying to sever the connection we once had ready to go
Why hold on and fight me when you already know
We once stood together in the mirror of life
Now shattered and separated cut with a knife
Our hearts are paper torn and burned to ash
We both knew this wouldn't last
I'm done trying to get you
I'm just asking for one final chance to let you know how much you ment to me
How much I love you
You need to come see me. I need to show you something before it's gone.
I love you.
Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
Love is a lie
2. Nobody will ever truly understand another person.
3. Suicide is never an answer.
4. Humans are cancer to the earth.
5. Emotions are controllable.
6. Love, Peace, and Harmony.
7. There's darkness in all of us.
8. If you give up on yourself you will truly be alone.
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
Maybe I like to being alone.
Coming soon
Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
Snowflakes fall down one by one in the many surrounded by others all different but join together in a blanket of snow sharing the same fate and slowly disappear.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
With a tear I say goodbye and watch the moonlight leave your eyes.
Kiss me dear one more time, take my hand and hold it tight.
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
I think I'm losing you, but I will never regret choosing you
Because I am in love, and for now that will be enough
And the ones around me convince me that I was the only person who was dumb enough to believe that you and I had hope.
But now I know even after you began to let your emotions slow the only reason I stood alone was because I was the only one who knew our love was never going to let go.

Everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive, so gouge out my eyes.
Because if this is reality then I guess I'm not alive,
Because I don't know a life in where I can't make things right.
And when life teaches you to drive and you finally say goodbye
And you won't let me stand by your side
Ill know that though some feelings are hurt, none will have died.
Cause I used to stay up at night and picture myself looking into your eyes
Shouting as you would sigh “how dare you think you can fall asleep with water dripping from the kitchen sink, how dare you think you can fall asleep with all these little leaks in this home we built in our dreams”

A picture is worth a thousand words or whatever people say to me.
It's hard to believe when your mind is lost and in need,
And all you can picture is a memory inside of someone else's sheets.
A prayer that nothing will keep,
A hope that light will seek before the dark sinks too deep.
Or at least the sinking feeling inside of me will decrease when the release of perceived dreams burn in the flame of feeling free.
So feel free to be free if that's what you need.

And if someday you feel alone and everything caves in when you try to breathe,
Know that you are not alone as far as I can see,
Because you were everything to me.
Through this I have realized that if I were God we would have all just died,
Because darling you were mine and now I feel so dead inside,
And what good am I if all I can create is a projection of my own mind.
A dream of finding time to remind you that I'm still here and I'm not fine.
And darling if you're going to leave just remember who you are,
And do what you can to remember me.

Maybe someday we can talk about our past and we can talk about the weather.
Whenever you leave I don't care what I'm remembered for,
I just want to be remembered.
Because even if I failed you at least I tried,
And maybe our lives don't add up now but someday our graves will look the same when we both die.
And if I had a chance I'd give you one last kiss and I'd bite down on your lip
And I'd try to puncture it so you'll never forget that time,
But you'll always regret.
And darling I know sometimes life will take a turn for the worst,
And sometimes life will even hurt.
And I know some days, some days you'll be afraid of the lessons you'll have to learn
And some days you'll even feel burned,
And I want to let you know that I want to love you through them.

But I always get what I deserve.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
Trying not to think.
I drink.
The pain remains.
Listening to your heartless claims.
Reject me.
You're free.
I never loved you anyway.
I always knew you'd betray.
Even when I can't drink anymore.
You are still just a *****.
I don't believe in love.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
Screaming I don't love you and I never did! You're just a number in my pocket so get the hell over it!
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
You're as cold as a statue pleading **** me so he'll touch you while I'm forced to watch you moan his name screaming out with pain I left you don't say you're sorry I'm already bleeding from your name being called from across the room trying to run at a dead end I beg you to block me like paper I'm torn.
I hate you but, darling I love you.
Don't dial my number and tell me you're happy or talking to him. I'm better off with this picture of torture I paint for myself on the walls of regret. Forgive me while I pull the trigger.
Nathan Wischropp Oct 2016
Suicide isn't why blood needs to be spilled. It's spilled to keep my demons at bay.
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
True honest love doesn't exist.
At least not for someone as broken as me.
Everyone I fall for is nothing more than a *****.
Ready to cheat and give up because I'm a worthless piece of trash.
Why am I here if I'm only ment to suffer?
God if you exsist please help me.
I can't take this torment.
This judgment from everyone.
I need you to show me that love will be there in the end.
I'm broken and crying.
I want to die but hold on to hope.
I don't want to do this on my own.
Love if you exsist then show me a sign.
Give me any reason to keep on living.
Or am I ment to die completely alone?
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
I cut your name into my flesh
Blood like sand from an hourglass Drips onto the bathroom sink
Don't let this last drop be it
Run away with me
Let's be free
This commercial world isn't for us
Darling realize
You are loved
Why hesitate
I'm willing to start a new with you
Say yes
Nathan Wischropp Jul 2016
All I've ever wanted was that person I could always call when I felt alone.
Searching endlessly 4 city's.
Darling do you even exist?
Lost blood like vanishing hope.
I close my eyes every night and I'm ready to breath!
I'm ready to believe!
I'm ready to be alive!
Just show me what love looks like...
I want to believe you're the one. After what she did I'm scared to step forward. Take my hand darling. Pull me just a few steps closer. Look into my eyes when I tell you. I love you.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
Was he worth it?
Did he taste good; make you feel okay?
How many times?
How many men?
Darling you're only good enough for your own selfish gain.
Don't pretend to be innocent.
It takes two.
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
A night alone without my hope and without my snow. Torn between a great personality and a body I can't hold. With her gone and you with him...I'm envious. My dear I miss your soft lips. Don't let this be it. Because though it may be selfish... I want more, I want you.
To the girl who held me. :)
Nathan Wischropp Sep 2016
Thinking of you wherever you are
Watching the night slip by
Endlessly waiting
Always wanting
Your voice
No call
Sleep
Nathan Wischropp Jun 2016
I'm often asked why do I smoke.
Why do I **** myself with every breath? Why don't I quit?
I do it because I don't care if I live or die. I had you and I have just one question for the world.
What else is there?
I want to write about other things but it seems to me that love, death, and *** is all I can write about.
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