I became so addicted to the feeling of nothing
that when I started to feel you
I went through withdrawals.
I wanted so desperately to forget about
the nice feelings that ran through my mind
when I thought of you,
because I became so intimate with being alone
that leaving the vast isolation of myself behind
felt like I was killing the part of me
that taught me how to survive.

Your smiles that once filled me with happiness now fill me with regret
Not sure if you ever really felt the way I felt
You were my reason my excuse my existence
For some reason I believed you thought of me equally
My drug of choice
And I couldn’t get enough
Had to have you in the morning in the afternoon and in the night
And quite honestly I was blind I felt that what you were doing to me was perfectly alright
Little did I know you were poison sickening and deadly
Killing me a little more each time we’d cross paths
You make me feel filthy like I wasn’t worth anything
Like you never felt a thing
And now I can’t stop with the night terrors
The day dreams
Reminiscing, was it all a dream?
I catch you staring at me every once and awhile Do you miss me?
My palms get sweaty and my knees go weak
My body shakes
Hot and cold hot and cold
Get out  my head
Get out of my life
Stop ruining my sleep
Stop hurting me

my demons come alive in the day time
not just at night ,
so if you ask me why
i never close my eyes ,
it just might be my mind filled with fright

with no chance of escape
i chase death to be my fate
should i hold my breath
i need not be saved
i must jump at the chance before it’s too late

hopeful to rise to heaven
as the demons cannot be risen
hopeful to leave this earth
with my body as their prison

if i should ever return
( that is believing in reincarnation)
amongst the streets a familiar face you’ve been missing

please , i beg of you

don’t tell my demons.

Always walking that line
Always tempting fate
All these temptations calling me
I attempt to numb pain

Got the temperature rising
Know I can be temperamental
My temper’s ‘bout to unleash
Doing something regretful

A temporary escape
From two to ten on the dial
The temper-tantrum and screams
Like a tempestuous child

Perhaps a temporal shift
Like Anty Em’ on the farm
The tempest carries away
Ship wrecked alone I am gone

My template shows me the way
Temptress I can not escape
Contemptuously I have temperance
Finding tempo ‘til break

A temple shrine I pay tribute
Silently contemplate
Lord please grant me forgiveness
For my wrongs and mistakes

It is chasing me
Every night when I fall asleep
It is chasing me
Every time I close my eyes
In the dark place
While I’m alone
No one hand me help
It is chasing me
And will not stop
Dream?
Weird places.
Pull me in
Where no one knows me
And I know no one
I’m standing alone
In some spaces I’ve never been
Dark.
Dream?
It is chasing me

The day that I saw you
I was already in love with you
You're now my world
You're now my everything

Every time I think of you
My heart beats so fast
Can't control my own feelings
My lips automatically smile

You are my Prince Charming
You're so handsome and intimidating
You are my art
You are my masterpiece

I keep thinking about you
Every morning every night,
suddenly my heart was on fire
I fought so hard not to cry

The man I fell in love with;
Is just a fantasy that I made
The man I fell in love with;
Was born in a most romantic book

The man I fell in love with;
Doesn't exist in this world
Sadly, the feeling that I felt,
Is UNREAL LOVE

I'm not what you wanted,
Not what you need,
And I guess I could carry on and say it's okay,
But in reality, I keep drifting away.
You're tearing me apart,
Ripping my skin from the inside out;
I'm still stuck on an excuse to compensate for lost time.
I always knew you were never meant for me,
Maybe fate guided us, but your intentions were made clear otherwise.
I wasn't prepared for a route to shift and create an unexpected turn,
I just wanted someone to stick by my side, to remain loyal and wholesome,
But I guess that was far too much to ask for.
Given our current circumstance,
I probably should've never expressed myself to you,
Too blind to even consider the sight of unpredictability;
The fact that anything can go any other way at any given moment.
I made myself see what I so desperately craved in another; love
Now that I think of it,
I should've never doubted my gut when it indicated that my ends couldn't tie to yours.

Two bottles,
one for you and one for me.
The pain seems to magically end,
but one is only a disguise,
and the other leaves me dry.

Two bottles,
One become the problem,
and the other seemingly fixes the underlying cause.
But in no way do either cure the things we have.

Two bottles,
and it's hard to stay away.
We don't want to be this way,
but it's who we've become,
and who we have to deal with.
Like some roll of the dice we were dealt with these odds.

Why us?
I don't know.

But maybe we can fight this.
You can throw away your bottle,
and I'll keep taking mine.
Maybe together,
we'll finally win.