You say
life is
meaningless

I say
that’s the only way
you can give it your own
purpose

I loved her.

Before I even gazed upon her

I loved her

Before I was even dazed by her words of splendour

I loved her

Not for her ability to
charm others
as even though she just as often harmed others

Not for her straightforward intelligence
for she shared a forward thinking
dissidence

And not for her beauty & majesty did I love her

Because not far from often, did she bring cruelty and calamity too others that I did love

And when I loved her, it wasn’t because of her bountiful spirit

For when one drove responsibility towards her
she was both accountable and idyllic
her innate strength insurmountable & prolific

And my love did not come from her humble yet dominating origins

Hunters and gatherers roaming in forests

Nor her families evolution, amongst changing nations
into cultural irrigation, harvesting & cultivation

Yet my love was neither superficial

wrought by a feverish desire for atypical minerals

As it is evident she grew up to live lavishly, as if she were a daughter of kings and pharaohs, emperors and regents

Far from superficial
it went beyond my own existence
‘tis was it deep

And watching her grow up
yet older and slowly darker
it flooded me with a sense of grief

For that was the only side she showed me, and allowed others to see

But beyond the seas and ravines, ridges & fjords, she beamed

And that is how it felt for a time
her happiness distant and far gone

Looking back it’s blatant she was far from dormant

But I believe during that time she was merely misled

It took time to connect her heart with her head

And for a time it seemed she was finally ready to proceed

And that was all but my dream
for her

But in my heart, I knew she would waver and ultimately capitulate towards the darker times

I think, even though she was mature and grown

not enough time separated her from her home

a family always wanting to dominate and roam

The precedence was set
The credulous to fret

And even though it’s in her nature to align with basic instincts

I awaited,
like those in scriptures
for a sign
that leads her to brighter precincts.

Of this hope

it was something I dreamt about
until I was left awoke

It was a scathing cycle, hopes festered
with a heart broke

And in the depth of my despair
I was still convinced,
that behind her “politics” & warring nature with others,

that the woman I loved & dreamt, was still there

And you know what?

She convinced me

Not deceitfully nor schemingly
but seemingly
through action

She was on a phase of exploration
visiting foreign nations
and establishing relations

Truth was
All of it was a ruse
corrupting & enslaving
it was just another way of experssing her roots

Since then, I’ve never been lead astray, I knew it was just one big game

Even though I never believed that’s who she wholly
was and is

I can’t help but fell this is the way it is

Her being at an unbeknownst
war with herself

One that expresses all she can be
charming, beautiful, full of majesty

That she is the most complex & admiring existence in this universe

And another of opposite birth

One that can be harming, full of cruelty and calamity

And of this side I fear brings the other to her knees

And it ladens me with tears

But of this side of her
I fail to recognise,
as the woman I loved,
and it’s the only failure
I won’t rectify

The woman I loved,
the beautiful glimpses of allure,
that sparks through the impure and demeaning

Is the only meaning I can find within myself to breathe

But I’m lost
Lost in her mystery
Lost in the past

Because, I don’t see her anymore
giving rise to my love in the past tense

For I don’t know where she lives or with whom she spend her time
with

But of the worst fear I hold within my heart
is that the woman I loved never existed to begin with

That the idea of her was just a figment
of my idealistic mind

That all these years,
I conjured a fallacy of this supposed
“Benevolent”
side of her
so I could forgive what she had
imposed

And that I believed & fought so fervently  
in her
because in hope
it would bring life to her

Whatever the reality
I will never put cease
to my belief
that I will see her

Why?

Because the person
of whom I am talking about
is

Humanity

And she is the most beautiful thing I’ve known, regardless of her flaws

I am
the child of countless
genocides
of lands suppressed, who can’t
see the brighter
side

I am
the daughter of a neglected
family
who can’t look in their eyes, for they don’t care about
me

I am
the son of a town
lost in a futile
cycle
who doesn’t know how to get out, as every path
is an imploding
spiral

I am
the result of my mother
being
forced against her wishes, to think atrocity is what bore my
living

I am
the result of my father
who
sacrificed everything, just to see my life pull
through

I am
the offspring of a
colony
whose people are considered expendable, as if we aren’t all equally
holy

I am
the result of a bloodthirsty
state
who pillaged and burned
any place we saw fit, as if we carried their
fate

I am
a taker of
lives,
just as I am a bearer of
life

I am
a being of hate and
apathy
as much as I am a person of
love and
serenity

I am
the sword and the shield,
the dark and the light
the scorned and the healed

This is my story
so much as it is yours

The children of humanity
You & I

Take my hand
hold on through the quicksand
of my expressed agony
for I’m trying to bring us past the vanity
and the demonic hailings I paint
can as swiftly change to angels sailing past the hate
my words can take you from a pearless white night
with only the moon in sight
then twist that light back to
the sun’s beaming might
surround you in a blizzard
with imagery so vivid
it cuts through the snow
like a rock in a rivers flow
bring you from the crumbles of earthly ruins
to the humble pearly white gates of heavenly viewings
invoke you in anger & apathy
a firery rage bellowing
until you hear a fazed echoeing
pulling you from the depths of mind
to the paradise I envisioned for
mankind
corrupt you with illness of doubtful hate
then present a panacea of a
hopeful fate

I know I’m just a man,
but take my hand
and I’ll show to your there’s more to us than a monotonous plan

Inferno,
exponential flame
tearing at the world until
all that’s left is it’s name

from the dust and gravel
arise the youth
on revolutionary wings of
marble

only for the glorious resurgence
to become fallen angels
engulfing the world
that they had wished
to save in
earnest

Jealousy
&
greed
setting fire to the
wind
directing humanity
ever closer to
sin

‘Tis a paradox life

One picks up a blade
without yet first conquering oneself

One judges
preceding the revision of oneself

One awaits heaven on earth
without attempting to create serendipity for oneself

One expects love
yet can’t foster the courage
to give it to oneself

The very sword that divides
the world
is the same sword that divides oneself

Earth hath no existence
save the reflection one gives

No isolation to be made of
Heaven, Earth, and Hell
since they coexist within
oneself

One may not be able to change the world
but
can’t one change their own?

Weighed down
by the world’s
burden
honest eyes only perceive hope of a better earth, beyond the infallible burning

Dwelling within a premature space
reality isn’t what it
seems
years upon years of confounding lies & schemes

Phantoms and apparitions of the fallen
the only thing piecing together the shattered earth that is
falling

How long will the fog of
falsehood
blind us to reconnecting as a
brother & sisterhood

How many of us have to
bleed
the same number of us who
screamed
when our reality came dropping down from where aloft we kept our dreams


Please, please, oh please

How long will it take us to see.

Don’t hate

that which you

are

but instead,

love that

which you can

be

I talk about damnation
so that I may understand the depth of prosperity

I walk my mind through our world’s fire
because only through
desperation
may I come to terms with the meaning of peace

I eternally breathe on the tip of a sword
because only then will I appreciate
being a shield to
others

I bear with restraint
so when let loose
I will never
debase the worth of having
wings unfolded

And when I close my eyes to rest
I don’t wish to see paradise
but to see reality
so when I wake
I only think about fantasizing
the life I live

Mirage of red
passion coursing
emotional courting

Love being placed
hopes being fostered
an inner dawn offered

Seeing worlds flourish
strength arisen like lazarus
nothing remotely hazardous

How one person
can paint your world anew
dripping in the glory imbued

O
Light & darkness
Love & Hate

Are they not the same thing?

Darkness is a mere absence
of light
just as hate is the product of
love missing

Yet love is infinitely desired
more
by having to experience
a warring relationship for it

Just as the understanding of morals
wouldn’t possess the same strength nor depth
without witnessing the affliction
of sin

In search of utopia

it’s easy to forget the beauty of
the imperfect existence we have

Misgivings
taught,

fallacies
absorbed,

perceptions
formed,

lies
endorsed,

pain
enamoured,

hope
dormant,

meaning­
strife,

decisions
diced,

aimlessness
concise

Our life’s definition
lies beyond what we use to define
life

emotion & thought
observation & action
acceptance & debate

our bodies heed to balance
like the earth to the moon & sun

we are forged by the unknown
as much as the known

through pulsation and reservation
do we align ourselves with
our true
resonation

Emotion
is the eyes within the world of fate

As every emotion you place value on & give credence to
inevitabley & inadvertently
becomes a preordained
pattern

that will pave your life.

The best path to follow

is the one

we, ourselves

pave

Sorry for being an

imploder

but,

darling,

so is every other star

that burns too bright

The devil resides in my
right arm
&
God,
my left
sometimes I wonder
what would be
left
if I decided to not take action from fear of choosing the wrong step

hell coexists in
my mind
&
Heaven,
my heart
yet I think
that’s indeed my
art
the ability to manifest the myriad of universes within me as opposing they are

nightmares dwell within
my sleep
&
Hope,
my breath
where in that
reality fosters fantastical
depth
that every intake harbours the fate my world could change for the best

My reality is torn into two by
my existence
&
Yet,
life ensures
my contradictory nature
leads to positivity
assured
a metamorphosis turning my
temptations to strength guaranteeing
ethereal horizons to be made
broad

O
what a great illusion
the pursuit of love

Searching exteriorly
for something that’s existent 

internally

O the gorgon dread
contorting me to stone
setting my heart to a place
from whence I craved to fled

O the piercing raw gaze
setting my body to necroses
by a gale of unrequitedness
tearing my presence until it fades

O the beguiled smile
putting my nature to cofliction
with faith placed in a better you
a hope that brings nothing but arousal

O the persuasive tongue
pulling my strings of emotion
flaring me with wings
until I burn too close to the sun

O the reflection I see
of this person who looks just like me
is as unfamiliar as the next
for I plunged this self into the depths of the sea

Within the whirlpool of silhouettes in the darkened night
there she stood

Burdened with eyes that has seen too many
deaths
it’s all she’s come to know

Streaking black hair that masquerades her
face
the type that makes the moon pale in her white aura

Lithe figure she possessed yet hardened by the life she has so far lead
to a place she wished to have fled

And in the midst of this starless night surrounded by a world of scorned dreams and ground too salted to sprout aspiration

She reminisced
but in her minds eye all she could see were humanities cries
with desires and passions set aside the earth contorted to stone
and yet she still cried

Voices bearing the hailing of lost legacies echoed through the
lonely night
and the girl wondered if she was the only one who heard the sigh


“Don’t breathe,
live”

Death is what it seems, the drainer of life, and the birther of new. Through indiscretion and publication, we’ve moulded and formed our ideas on death, to little agreement.

Yet, few realise we die long before our bodies are lost of vitality, and to some of us, we are never born. To live is to think, feel, do, yet how many of us can say we were proactive rather then reactive, shapeless rather than moulded, independant rather than reliant.

Regardless whether we born into it or not, we should never take away the power that’s within us to change, for there is as much beauty in having a metamorphosis from the dark, towards the the light, then to be of a singular purity.

But fear binds us all at some point, it bounds nations, and inadvertently goes back to us in a cycle.

But to overcome fear is to overcome death itself, to truly live once, is to live a thousand afterlives

Mahogany,
dark haze of despair
an imprisonment inescapable

the wings of eternal twilight folded
a consulating protection
of a darker fall

dancing with the devil
a song of pity and desperation
of which eyes are darker is unsure

the maker of this lock
of damnation is known
a salvational key
the same person holds

amnesty of mind
to let burdens go
and for wings to unfold

music to cease
so the dance can halt
to get out of the prison within

a breeze to cut through the haze
and lighten the pillars of our world

place the key of salvation upon
our own palm
and walk through the door of reverie

O fear that rests within my heart,
entropy that proceeds within the dark.

Your feeling is that of one wrought with terror
towering over emotion and actions,
until I am all but consumed
& bound by it.

Of this feeling you impart, I’ve  come to know & love, for when I fear, I know my heart still beats, and my will still searing.

For you, O fear, only present yourself over the precincts of lands unconquered & lines not crossed.

So when I look into yours eyes,
I’m in love.
Not from a masochistic tendency
Nor from an empathy to stay comfortable,
But, because I know what’s left to live for,
when I feel your neurotic
presence.
The pleasures yet tasted,
the view yet seen, the accolades
yet achieved, and the people I’m
yet to meet.

But of all the things that I love about you, O fear, is I know you’re
the catalyst to my peace,
the lynchpin to my serenity.
For I will never understand peace, if I haven’t gotten to know you first.
And I shall never be at peace, until I’ve gone through the subjugation of your will first.

O fear, my lover, show your face one more time, life is repetitive, and you bring me hope.

The face of
deception
many may
show
for the
laceration
in their hearts
continues to
grow

bound
&
stricken

fear tearing them
apart
to all those who can see and
listen
whilst dwelling in the enclosure of their
hate
the catalyst to the ****** of
their
fate

confound
&
livid

the poison of their melancholy
setting a necroses to all
there is worth
living

Wind amidst wind
leaves drift
the earth shifts
words said
laden with empty meaning

what a sin

Water breaks water
birds sing
the earth shifts
feelings felt
laden without the
presence of words

what a sin

O the worlds move forward

what a sin

it must be for us to move on too.

I’d
rather be featured amongst the

dead

than
dreamless amongst the

living

Society
is but a reflection
of the values we fought for and of

those

we didn’t...

Ghosts of past
anguished by thoughts reflected in shadows

Hellfire raised
burning with past sins that
bellows

Hearing spirits
hailing like that of tormenting
cellos

No place to stay mellow
mine own character created my
demons

Can’t excuse myself
can’t recuse myself
I may only accuse myself

Bear with the constraint of cables
let future actions bear me new angels

Let my culimination guide me to a place
where light awaits
and where no demons have
place

The blood of my vessels to bleed
with peace
and for it to run through me until
decease
and for the heaven I will create to never
cease

Even when I eventually may

To bear a pain

consuming

But to bear a regret

inescapable

Lost in the periphery of my mind
dusk to dawn
the sharpness of thoughts descend like an on pour

And unto every glistering drip, my body flows with it
melting
cascading

Further to my purpose
or further away I wouldn’t impose

as I would happily be a martyr
to my flowing essence
because what’s harder than fighting our gift
is letting it be our curse

O world,
that we live in,
I know of where you were beget,
and of whom your were bourne by

O world
that we will live in,
I know of where you will be beget,
and of whom you will be bourne by

For you, O world,
were bequeathed
by the minds of those passed,

Just as you, O world
will be bequeathed
by the minds of us present

I’m caught in your rapture

paradoxically

As the pain you inflict
Makes me only mourn and desire
the love of which you can give

paradoxically

The empthay of which you show
Makes me only recall and dread
the misery you bred

“Transcendence is dead”,

He remarked,
with hollowed eyes enlarged

“There’s no exteriority to this existence,
no object not rooted to this mind,
no experience to reach to alleviate me from this pain”

Words uttered in vain sentiment,
like riches given by a desolate

“- and there’s no interiority
to this existence either,
no refuge untouched by extrinsic hands,
no truth untainted and grazed
by worldly sands,
etching indelible marks,
serrations upon the purity of what I envision, oppressive symmetry bounding my condition”

Echoes unbridled to the night made by folded wings
of the hungriest crows,
a reality smirking upon this man
encased in noxious snow

“-only immersion,
only implicit truth,
only sensation,
that’s all that’s left when flesh is torn,
arteries spilt,
and bones broken,
when my fantasies are the whispering
of the death of lives yet born ”

How unfortunate,

“I once remarked that
„abstract are the lines of my conscience„
how false I was,
there is no conscience,
there is no line, there is no territory,
no irreducible components of self,
no elements,
no world,
mere immersion, mere immersion, mere immersion, mere imm-“

How unfortunate,

“-ersion, my plane of immanence,
thought is not real,
only the image of thought,
people aren’t real,
only their representations,
this is not real,
only my description of it,
I’m sustained by this illusion and I am content,
for content is not real, only stationarity,
to suggest my autonomy
suggests a piece in a game,
an agent in a relation,
a designated power,
but power is not real,
only my laughter and spite,
only the former iterations of myself I
walk over
so I may tell myself I am content where I am,
consciousness is not real,
only the playthings of my inner demons,
and my unconscious is not real,
only the results of my outer events,
I am not real,
only the set of eyes that overlooks me”

How unfortunate,
a child who instead of a soul,
an unhealing wound,
but don’t feel upset for this child,
he is not real, only the representation of him, only a disembodied set of eyes describing his flesh left behind


|


Now I must close my eyes, this child of hollowed sight is beginning to cry, then so will I

You can take my wealth
bear away with my belongings
steal the essence of which gives me life

You can strip skin from my body
rip the flesh from my bones
drain the blood from my veins
set my body to ash from whence it came

You can burn me from history
let alight a torch to engulf my name

Stand side by side with time until I’m forgotten

With me,
you may do as you like.

But a life is far beyond what can be touched

It’s comprised of feelings
of actions
of influence

It’s an idea

So bear away with me as you like
but you can’t take away who I am

O take away what pleases thy
be it life itself
but you can’t put cease to the world that we created
nor the the presence of our ramifications

We are beyond what we are
we are what we represent