Running running everywhere,
Running running don't you stare
Don't you see?
I have no hair;
Running running Mr. Bear,
Running running in the air

I live with poetic eyes
And an imaginative mindset;
Eyes and a mind where I find that
Raindrops are just the sky's kisses...

Sometimes
My eyes
Begin to water
And I realize
I'm thinking of you
Again

You don't hate this disobedient side of me
So to which I thank you
But on top of that,
You choose to walk along with me;
The two of us now bad rebels together

I like us and what we've become
What our friendship has blossomed into
We should act like this more often
Because I'm tired of being perfect and good
It's overrated and boring
So lets see what the other side has to offer...

Just remember, I was there when no one else was...

I keep contemplating suicide
And struggling to resist the urge my tempting blades give me;
But as I stare at the ceiling,
Thinking about how if I don't do anything stupid that tomorrow my perfect fake smile will fool everyone
I find myself thinking of random small things to do to make others happy
As if they'll know something is wrong, stop, get to know me, and help me feel better
Like these strangers will kiss and heal the broken parts of myself
Stupid silly girl, no one cares...

My dear, you are purely saccharine
But even the sweetest of things turn into something weary
For after a while, sweets start to become too rich for our taste as we age

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Most times I imagine myself committing suicide
And actually dead,
I find myself running away from my home
Only time end my life somewhere alone in the woods

A few times I see myself going behind my best friend's house
Others the woods near my home;
Sometimes going somewhere where I know nobody would think of looking
But rarely in my home in the bathroom

I know exactly how things would go if I did it at my trailer home;
In the early morning hours, I'd cut and overdose on my pills I've saved up,
My mother would try to come in the bathroom at 6:45am when she wakes my brother up for school
The door will be locked, she'll call out my name thinking I missed the bus
Though she'll receive no response and can't get in
So my mother will wake up her boyfriend and ask him to unlock it
Only for them to find me on the ground unconscious

But if I left my home,
No one would know where to start looking
And I'd be successful -

The End

For some reason,
I want the school to know that I killed myself when I do it
Or even if I'm not successful,
I want them to still know I tried to leave this world;
That I tried to relieve everyone of the pain and annoyance of dealing with me,
And that I tried to leave like everyone wants

I want the principal to announce my death or my attempt over the intercom
That way everyone hears I'm finally gone
So they can cheer and celebrate
Or that way everyone hears I failed
So they can shake their head in disgust and look down upon me

But for some reason,
I just want everyone to know for some sick reason
And I guess that's selfish and bad...

That moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart...

Silly girl, they hate you...

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive...

Today my bus was a little late
So 27, 71, and 42 arrived all at the same time;
Mine, my best friend's, and then "******'s" as we call him

My best friend wandered off and returned
Only to sit in the bay window two windows away,
And "******" greeted me for the first time ever,
He walked up to me, greeting me with a sincere smile
Something he's never done before

Another friend standing by told me something,
She told me he had his signature blank expression as he walked up to me
How she gave him a nod as in a "What's up" motion
To which he replied back, emotionless

But when I turned to him and my eyes met his
His face light up;
He smiled and seemed glad that I was there
"******" didn't worry about my best friend who he claims loves so deeply

Soon our trio was roaming the halls together
Though, not long after we set off he said that we need to talk later
In that serious tone he used with my best friend when they were off and on

What are you thinking?
What are you planning?
Why did you smile?
Does it mean anything?

I've been trying to be more social
To step out of my own little comfort bubble
But I guess I got carried away,
I just enjoyed what new things I've done a little too much
So I apologize to those I've now annoyed
I guess I got too happy and clingy
So now I know to not be social
To just stay hidden away and disappear...

I can't help myself I put it down on paper
All the different stages, memories of us
That's the only way I know I can shake it
Writing all our pages, every single thought


Sorry for writing all the songs about you
I know that you hate that I got more to say
Sorry for writing all the songs about you
But I had to, oh, I had to

I can't wait for you to recognize the stories
Like when you said you loved me or that time on the rooftop
Will you act as if you haven't even heard it
Nothing of it matters

We then quit thinking about each other
Yes we did

All was so empty
All was so noisy
Then all went silent

Now all is balanced now all can happen, now all can happen

Bright neon dollar store sparklers,
Who knew they could be so fun

Red, orange, yellow, and more
I kept on lighting them one by one

I hoped that these bright colors would somehow make me happy forever,
That they could cure my head
But I got burnt and almost set my neighbor's house on fire instead;

I remembered your birthday and gathered all the yellow,
I set them off and pointed them towards your house
Hoping that instead they'd bring you happiness
And give you a special birthday

I hope it works
Happy early birthday Jen

You make it kinda hard not to stare...

The worst part?
You broke my heart
But yet I still love you
With all the broken pieces...

And now you're just a stranger with all of my secrets...

I find myself
Thinking about you more and more
Every day

And I want you back like something fierce
But you can't even stand talking to me
So how am I supposed to make you mine again?

Either way I'm stuck;
Because my head has already forgotten you,
Moved on
And left you for Autumn Girl

But my heart still holds onto you,
Cherishes what we were
And wants you to come back

So my mind is scattered,
Confused about what my heart wants
But my heart scarred,
Because you left too soon

So it seems weird that I'm writing love poems about two people
But I'm sorry I can't control my heart and my head
For they both abide by different rules
So I'll just remain stuck here

Goodbyes are not forever
Goodbyes are not the end
They simply mean I'll miss you
Until we meet again...

Whose butterfly is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite angry though.
She was cross like a dark potato.
I watch her pace. I cry hello.

She gives her butterfly a shake,
And screams I've made a bad mistake.
The only other sound's the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.

The butterfly is bear, running and deep,
But she has promises to keep,
Tormented with nightmares she never sleeps.
Revenge is a promise a girl should keep.

She rises from her cursed bed,
With thoughts of violence in her head,
A flash of rage and she sees red.
Without a pause I turned and fled.

I was headed home when I stumbled upon thee;
A spidder

Your hill-like crooked legs speeding down the road towards me,
I tried to run

But far too fast were thee and crawled upon me
The spidder whispered to me;

Now at last,
We're connected by stomach and arm

They were good flowers,
So I hope you enjoyed them
And I know they weren't the best
But if they made you smile,
That's all that matters in the end

I like the feeling of tight sports bras
To hide what little I have
And to make me feel secure

I like the feeling of tight sleeping bags wrapped around me
To hold me
And to make me feel like someone else holds me as I rest

I like the feeling of tight cozy jackets and sweaters
To soothe my soul
And to make me feel snuggly

I like the feeling of wires, ropes, and belts wrapped tightly around my throat
To cut off my circulation
And to watch my face turn a nice dark red-purple

I shouldn't still love you,
For that annoys you greatly,
But I do
And no matter how many apps you block and unfollow me on
I still check in to see how you are

I read your posts hoping you mention you miss me
And I ask the friends we share to unlock your thoughts on me
As I lay in bed on these cold lonely nights
Reading our old messages,
Looking at the photos I still have of you saved in my phone,
And finding nostalgia in screenshots of all of my favorite things you've said

Now you didn't know but I had an idea I wanted to do for you,
Something I'd give you when we met which was supposed to be over the summer;
I wanted to make a personalized notebook,
Fill it with my favorite quotes from you,
Poems I write about you,
And even the reasons why I love you so you'd never forget;
And everyone said that was a really sweet idea
So I'd daydream of you keeping that forever

That one day we'd be married and look back at it as we cuddled, smiling back at the memories
That we'd share it with our child{ren} and show them how to enjoy the simple things
Oh honey, whatever happened to that?
Our shared dream of us singing to our child{ren} every night as you strummed away on your guitar?
I guess I'll just sit here and hope you'll maybe one day come back,
Realize what you've left behind and what an amazing girl I really am

But that's just me hoping
Ignoring the fact that you've left me,
Ran for the hills and ditched town,
And that you're already far gone...

I was gathering my things as you were walking past
You stopped and stared at me
I stopped as well our eyes locking together
"What?"
I asked wanting to know your thoughts and reason for being in front of me
"You look tired. Are you okay?"
You told and asked me
"Yeah, I am."
Was all I said
You walked away afterwards content with my answer
And I'm sorry Mr. Modrak,
But I lied

I'm being told by others that you may be the one
The person who's supposed to love me
Treat me right

I'm being told by you that you care
The reasons why you enjoy talking to me
Love me greatly

I want to be in your warm embrace,
Your loving arms;
I'd rather be listening to you sing to me,
Your soothing voice;
I want to be snuggled up with you,
Your calming heartbeat;
I'd rather be sleeping next to you,
Your peaceful soul;

I want to be with you,
Because I'd rather be with you than alone tonight

Why must everyone turn on me at the same time on the same day
And kick me when I'm already down?

I should've known I can't trust anyone
For they only leave in the end
No matter how many reasons they have to stay
And memories that should keep them around

Twitching fits,
A long-term effect that messes with my father's ex-girlfriend
One second she's fine,
The next, jittering around like crazy
All because of an anti-depressant she was once prescribed

Right after I met her
And found out this knowledge
I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital
And prescribed anti-depressants of my own
They only made things worse

I soon noticed little ticks
That at the time only happened in my arms;
But soon it plagued my hands,
Running through my fingertips
And before I knew it
I developed a small issue writing;
I often hesitate before I write a letter
Glitching for a solid 5 seconds
Only creating a small mark over and over

Now I sit here,
Plagued with little ticks in my arms,
Glitches in my hands and fingertips,
And sudden jumps and jolts in my legs

A jar for you,
Little do you know
I did it,
I captured the universe
All for you,
Swirling dark with tiny masses inside
All for the sakes of keeping you,
You deserve only the best my dear
Because I only want to keep you near,
Now listen
Darling, you're all I'll ever need,
Because to me, I'm the drunk and you're the mead
A jar for you
Filled with the universe
So you can remember every little moment as it rests safely put high,
A jar for you from me
Because it's all you'll ever need...

I can't seem to find someone who has an interest in me,
Someone who loves me for me;
And I guess that's okay
Because I've made it this far,
But it'd still be nice to finally not walk alone

With the knowledge that my skin is healing
That my cuts are fading
Makes me want to create more
So my "friends" never leave
And my little relapse depression party can rave on