Always sad, always worry
Put your clothes on in a hurry
Let no one see the pain
Or the scars that you will gain
Feel the disapproving stares
Everybody seems aware
Watch the blood, the warmth slide down
The world starts to spin around
Hear a crash, you're on the floor
Bleeding out, alone, ignored.

Holding closely to her heart
Life within itself
Secrets unknown to any man
Guarding with such stealth

Softly sighs an eerie tune
Warning those who seek
Protected from the evil one
Shelters the small and meek

Watches over every life
Leaves no stone unturned
Lives to better this old world
All that she has learned

Loves all with a growing passion
None are left behind
Masked; enveloped in a cloak
To tame unstable minds

Layered in both love and care
But what lurks underneath
Sadness, heartbreak, pain and fear
Wrap her in a sheath

Wandering amidst the darkest nights
Listening for the call
Lost souls broken, buried deep
Deeper through, they fall

I fought so hard, I didn't stop, I still survived the farthest drop.
And at the bottom, there you were, hovering until I'd stir.
And when I did, you saw me breathe, I wasn't dead so you'd just leave.
There I was, left on the ground, unable to hear a single sound.
Picked up my feet, pulled up my weight, endured the pain that was so great.
Saw you and fell more in love, while you flew by from above.
You're just fine and I am not; ****, I miss you quite a lot.
And now I'm up, I climbed my way, I didn't need your **** to stay.
It's over and guess what, I won, so you and I are over, we're done.

Once amidst the normal madness
Came an overwhelming sadness
Cloaked in everlasting grief
Hiding darkness from beneath
Didn't make a single sound
Gagged and choked his hands were bound
As he wallowed in unbearable pain
The life within his soul was slain
And he now wanders through the night
Eternal darkness; lost from light.

You're first greeted with those bright rays of light.
You almost forget, today's another fight.
But then, you remember it's time to eat.
Those three words, are supposed to be sweet.
Instead, they always cross your mind.
Leaving all your common sense behind.
Tea in the morning, Monster at noon.
Yikes! Dinner is coming soon.
You only had 35 calories today, eat a little, but don't you dare let that number sway.
You settle down and sleep tonight.
I'll see you tomorrow, with the first sign of light.

When I look into your eyes, a wave of serenity washes out stained memories.
Warmth ripples through tough outer exteriors, calloused and cracked.
As natural as the light of day and dark of night.
Plain and simple as black and white.
Speaking gently as a cooling summer breeze.
Shielding the harsh, brutal winter freeze.
Flowing softly as a clear mountain creek.
Changing leaves, mighty yet meek.
Puts me to sleep, like the setting sun.
And when I awake, my subtle dream is done...

To those who are hurting, to those feeling pain.
For those who have none left to regain.
To anyone beaten by their own mind, the lost and afraid who already died.
Just listen to me. Please, I've been there.
I know you are lost and drowned in despair.
I know how it feels to be all alone.
When your heart shrivels up, hard as stone.
Long sleepless nights, filled with tears.
Anticipating greatest fears.
Ready for darkness and death to grip.
Watching the blood from your wrists drip.
Hopeless and hollow, no strength left.
Slowly inhaling the very last breath.
Please be a fighter, do not give in.
God has the power, He knows you can win.
Bold and triumphant, making it through.
Embracing the future, see what you can do.

It seems like a weight, wrapped in your heart.
It shouldn't have happened, but now plays a part.
Feeling so tiny, alone and confused.
By your own conscience, you're  hurt and abused.
Pile on the strees, add to the fear.
Let the idea sink in and adhere.
Pray for some guidance, pray for the love.
Do not lose the one who comes from above.

How much you hurt
How hard you cry
There will always be people
Who are not on your side
They will hate and blame
They don't understand
What it feels like to let go
Of another dead hand
And when you step out
To breathe for awhile
Wipe your mascara
And put on a smile
People like that
Never will they know
How much it stings
To have to let go...

Countless songs and poems
Dedicated to one thing
How a simple little word
Could be so inspiring

When I see that others have it
It makes a lot more sense
But when I think of it coming for me,
It's something I resent

Looks flawless from a distance
Desirable at times
But quickly many things can change
If you read between the lines

A drug that is both addicting
And causes enough harm
There's no chance of falling victim to its sneaky charm.

Why is this concept so easy
For everyone to grasp
While I'm out drowning
Waiting for this irrational fear to pass...

How is it that my secrets never stay that way?
Even though there are things i don't even say.
I'd like to have one little thing that i can call my own.
Something that is just mine, that i've never shown.
You don't have to know everything about me.
Actually, i'd love it if you'd just leave me be.
I don't need you hovering, watching my every move.
I can take care of myself, i don't need you to.
So you deal with your ****, and i'll deal with mine. 
And in the end, we'll still be friends and everything will be fine.

She walks with a purpose, no fooling around.
Eyes fixed in the distance, her destiny found.

Head held high, a confident pride.
Discreetly wiping the tears she just cried.

No signs of weakness, no prominent shame.
Stricken with turmoil, herself to blame.

Into the night she silently treads.
Leaving no trace of the horror she dreads.

Life is not a storybook nor a fairytale
Instead it is a beaten path a lost, forgotten trail
The princess doesn't find her prince
She learns to save herself
The prince is not a noble man with castles and much wealth
Dragons, trolls and other beasts do not plague our thoughts
Instead are visions, crushed up dreams that leave one quite distraught
The little damsel in distress is not what you'd expect
She could be hiding in her room, both wrists left unchecked
A hero doesn't come your way, you pull yourself back out
Through the sharpest twists and turns along a different route
A mighty sword you do not hold, nor a trusty steed
Though the darkness seems too harsh, no warnings will you heed
There is no certain happy ending, no perfect princess bride
When you fight the path called life, with death you may collide

One look in those baby brown eyes
And in return a surprise
That perfect smile
The one I haven't seen for awhile

Long, curly hair, always a mess
No one here to impress
Just living like that
Cause life's too short and that's a fact

Now I've shed tears and I felt sorrow
Wondered if I'd make it till tomorrow
Held my breath and let my failures slip away

I've sat up in the middle of the night
Asking God to give me fight
Praying please please let me stay
Just one more day

There you were holding my hand
Trying hard to understand
What it is that's slowly killing me

I lay back hearing you cry
Asking Jesus, asking Him why
My baby girl she's been gone awhile
Pleading one time to see that old smile

Now I've shed tears, I feel your sorrow
I'm telling you to stay for tomorrow
Held your hand and let your darkness slip away

I'm sitting up in the middle of the night
Praying that you'll have more fight
Saying please, please, please let her stay
One more day, one more day

One last look in those big brown eyes
And much to my surprise
I catch a glimpse of that perfect smile

We're sitting up in the middle of the day
Watching all the pain slip away
Thanking God, He let us stay
One more day

Said you were different
Said that you care
Said when I needed it, you would be there
Said you hadn't met someone like me
But then again, charming is your specialty
And then it happened, what I knew you would do

...there are millions of people just like you

Looking at the outside, can only tell so much.
The way I look and how I act.
But don't take one glance then rush.

Maybe I'm pretty average, not much to this kid.
Watch your words, you don't know me or the things I did.

Sure, scars and cuts fade on the outside, no one would ever know.
But take a peek inside, where the real feelings show.

Pulsating heart, where wounds never heal.
Carried through veins, the pain that's more than real.

Blood flowing, thick and red.
The same that comes from slit wrists left for dead.

They say don't judge a book by it's cover, and that always reigns true.
Would you really want everyone judging you?

Everyone hanging in their cliques,
Nothing i can really do about this.
Everything i do seems wrong,
It's no wonder i don't belong.
Loitering around, saying "Hi"
Not invited to come by
Never really fit in anywhere,
So i walk alone, without a care.

Soft, warm hands, crystal clear eyes.
Everyday is a new surprise.
Lightly holds you in his arms.
Overwhelmed by that lovable charm.
Deep, smooth voice puts you to sleep.
Morning smile makes your heart skip a beat.
Respectful, sweet, cuddly too.
Hopefully he'll propose to you.
Living together, for better or worse.
Will it be a blessing, or will it be a curse?

What is paradise really?
It doesn't have to be,
Lying out upon white sand, breathing in the sea.

It's not being served frozen drinks
Or parties all night long.
It doesn't mean money, celebrities, or doing something wrong.

There has to be no silver platter
No delivery at each request
To me it doesn't even matter
Either way, I'm still blessed.

I don't like pain yet I still cut...
I feel weak yet I still keep going...
I help everyone but not myself...
I'm falling but won't let anyone catch me...
I'm a failure yet I do better than most...
I'm fat but I still eat...
I barely eat but it's still too much...
I love others but no one loves me...
I'm here but I'm still lost...
I look fine but I'm not...
I have always been here but I don't belong...
It's been a long road and yet I still stay strong...

To those who say i'm perfect; i do everything right.
You have no idea, how hard i have to fight.
I work towards my goals, but my standards are too high.
And at the end of the day, all i can say is at least i try.
I never can be proud of what i do.
No matter how great it looks to you.
And how about always failing, when everyone else sees it as prevailing.
Say i'm smart; eh maybe.
Say i'm pretty; no, that drives me crazy.
Say that's amazing; i do what i can.
Say you love me; i would've ran.
So no, i'm not perfect. I do nothing right. To me, i'm just a failure; every day and night.

Sometimes i wish i didn't care, i wish i didn't see
All the cuts and all the scars have been engraved on me
Sure, i try to hide it
But i often fail
The demons and the voices always will prevail
When the thoughts creep over, clouding every move
Watching all the blood there's nothing left to prove
Thinking, and planning, waiting for the day
When all the sorrow and the hurt will finally go away
Once i am all ready, the blades are in my grip
Nervous and uncertain, my hand starts to slip
A shot of pain runs through me, then it all goes numb
A sticky, warm sensation is surely soon to come
My heart is thundering in my head and then i see a light
The blood cascading from my neck is no longer in sight
Suddenly, it stops like that i see from another place
That lifeless body that once was mine is only a cold, pale face.

In frightening silence, hiding in wait.
Hoping to strike, deciding your fate.
Wearing your patience, and self-control.
These consuming thoughts have taken their toll.
Slitting each wrist, draining red crimson.
Mesmerised as it flows, sparkles and glistens.
Heart beating fast, shaking so hard.
Nothing can stop it, no way to discard.
Feeling lightheaded, stumbling around.
Landing softly upon the cold ground.
Wrists still dripping, time's running thin.
Life pours out of the veins from within.
Lying and wondering when death will grab hold.
With evil, dark hands, and a piercing cold.

The lingering shadow walked through the night.
The moon up above shining so bright.
I watched as her hair billowed in the breeze.
And wondered if beneath that thin gown she would freeze.
But as she moved silently, with grace in each step.
I noticed her soul and how her demons crept.
She kept walking, and while she faded away.
I couldn't help but see, she let her soul stay.

I like to be alone so much
The mere thought of people wears me out
When I'm hiding in my room
Footsteps might as well be doom

The sound of voices makes me cringe
I'm done listening to ****
I just want to be alone
Living by myself, unknown

When someone even looks at me
It makes me want to run away
Lock myself in some dark place
So no one has to see my face

I'm sorry if I snap at you
I don't want to hear you talk
I'm tired of living, being me
I'm giving up why can't you see

When you say you want to help
The only thing I really need
Is space and dark stability
Left in my lonely reality

Which way is right?
Where'd i go wrong?
Why do i need someone  keeping me strong?
I lost my courage, can't find the light.
Somebody help me and hold on real tight.
Keep me encourage, try to refrain.
Some of my promises will not remain.
Look in my eyes, put me to sleep.
But if you let go, i'll fall way too deep.

An ancient treasure for the soul
An outlet for the mind
A trick that helps you take your pain and put it all behind.
No limitations or control
Free flowing as the ink
Happy, lost, scared, confused
When the soul must sink
An open canvas full of life
And whatever it may bring
Pick up a brush and start to paint what's inspiring
Remember contrast, lights and darks
Create a real effect
The shadows lurking from behind isn't to expect
Colors, textures, raw emotions poured out for all to see
Open to interpretation, endless possibilities.

Love used to have meaning, but now it's a casual word.
Used with strangers, celebrities, it's getting quite absurd.

When someone says I love you, this is what it should say:
I will be beside you, and take your pain away.
I promise I will hold you, when you're sad or scared.
I promise I will fix your heart when it needs repaired.
I'm never going to leave you, I'll never shed a tear.
I'll do my best to be brave, and hide my every fear.
I'll mend your broken pieces, and patch them up tight.
Hold your hand and be a shield when you have no fight.
Never will I betray you, never will I lie.
When times get too hard to bear, I'll be the one to try.
If you're feeling lonely, lost and unaware.
Crawl into my open arms, you'll be safer there.

When I say I love you, that's the promise I make.
So if you say it back to me, be sure it's no mistake.

I'm victim to your poison
I've survived your every test
You've ripped me open piece by piece
And disturbed my rest
I'm addicted to your touch
And addicted to your love
I miss your bright and shining eyes
Reflecting from above
Your words they burned like fire
But your silence is what kills
The very thought of losing you
Down my spine sends chills
You told me I was special
You told me you were there
The worst part was
That for awhile you really seemed to care
I never meant to love you
I don't want to be done
I wanted you to save me
But you handed me a gun

Lock all your doors, throw out the key
Hide everyone from the demon called me
Cover your windows, pull all the shades
Let no one see the sorrow cascade
Block all contact, don't pick up the phone
Protect yourself from the vast unknown
Forget about feelings, the problems they cause
Remember we all have countless flaws
Nobody's worth it, we die in the end
It's never safe to call someone your friend

Twinkle twinkle little star
I know exactly who you are
You shined throughout the blackest night
And kept me in your glowing light
Now twinkle bright and let me see
The beautiful star I knew you could be.

I'm done
Time and time again I do this
I do all this **** for people
And then I'm empty
My heart is drained of feeling
My mind doesn't want to think
I'm numb, yet everything still affects me
My soul is dried up, but sadness still dwells
When I hear someone ask a question
My brain screeches no and my tongue once again whispers yes
The exhaustion of just being around people is sickening
I don't ask for help anymore
I don't want to be a burden, but most of all, I can't bear to lose anyone else
I'm sensitive and I get attached easily
I need one person in my life who will be there forever
And that's nearly impossible to find
So here I am, continuing to drain myself
Until there's nothing but a pile of bones

I am going to stop cutting.
It's done absolutely nothing.
I didn't know i could; never thought i would but now it's turned into something.
Whether an addiction, or a style this behavior is not worth while.
Part of me wants to stop.
Satan won't let those knives drop.
I am really going to fight because God has taught me wrong and right.

My hands always shake, because i don't eat. I'm fragile enough to break, but strong; it's bittersweet.
I feel i'm falling apart, i no longer have a heart.
Nothing really matters to me, all i want to do is leave.
The people that i really admire, don't understand my unbearable desire.
Why can't i just be like the rest?
I'm not complaining, i know i'm blessed.
I have just had to struggle for awhile, i want to see the days when i used to smile.
Couldn't i just go away, and not come back until a later day.

I can't quite tell you which is worse the pain right now or then.
The first time it was all brand new but here it is again.
The sharpness of my little blade brings back the memories
Sadness, darkness, and despair that brought me to my knees.
Already fought the first war, did not return unscathed.
Badly beaten and destroyed, left alone. Betrayed.
Now here comes the second, it's shadow lingering.
Shots are fired then it's time, the bloodshed that will bring.
Storming from all directions, thundering, crashing down.
The battlefield collects more stains the second time around.

I hate the way you seem to sit inside my every thought.
Dripping from my poetry and making me distraught.
Your presence seems to haunt me and fill my heart with grief.
And even when you're gone, I still can't find relief.
Your words are like a poison, I drink until I'm numb.
And to your addictive voice, again I shall succumb.
You're merciless and painful, but wear a soft disguise
You broke my bleeding heart in the time of my demise.
I miss your open arms, to which I used to run.
I was all set to die, so you handed me the gun.

I'm tired of playing this game back and forth
I'm tired of fading away
I don't wanna be in a hateful place, but something is making me stay
I'm tired of cutting and starving and dying
I yearn for a glimpse of light
Really I'm just fed up with trying
Lost in the blackness of night
I want to recover I don't want to hide
And show people what's me
And let them know that healing can be a reality

Remembered when i was 6; didn't think my life would turn out this way.
Wasn't supposed to go through situations, but new lessons are learned each day.
Reaching confirmations, lines, fake friends, and half-hearted smiles.
Innocent kids become murderers, even pedophiles.
The good becomes limited, but please don't get out of line.
There's so much wrath and hatred, and we don't have a lot of time.

I've always hated math, yet numbers take control
The number on the scale, if I reach a goal
I don't really eat food, it's just a number now
It all happens so fast, I just don't know how
Measuring and counting, tracking everything
Feeling satisfaction, instead of suffering
Pain turns to success, that number coming down
Wreaking havoc, turning your life around
Nothing really matters, all I want is bones
But everything's inside, and no one has to know
What starts off as a simple, 2 or 3 pounds
Can leave your pile of bones, rotting in the ground

Words cannot extinguish this flame
Fueled by pain; raw, untamed

Why do I always feel so weak
When I know that I am strong
I pile on problems and deal with them
Yet still I hobble along

But when heavy sadness weighs me down
Until I crash and burn
I get back up and go again
Because I never learn

It's impossible to understand
Why I care so much
I know that if I save someone
I'm able to get a rush

Now my shoulders have grown too stiff
I can't support this weight
But I don't want the hurt to spill
Because it's much too great

It's never fair that I can carry this tremendous amount of pain
Then I'm left drained and empty
Relying on myself to regain

I hate it that after all I do
I'm completely hollow inside
And then I start all over again
No way to be revived

After years of endless fear
When agony is always near
The path to take is so unclear
Really I just need you here.

And when I see your familiar face
Your comforting words fill empty space
My life would be a different place
If not saved by your amazing grace.

Our eyes lock, taking me back
To a happy place where there's no black
You shelter me from ongoing attack
And put my whole life on track.

I'm grateful for your loving squeeze
When I'm down and on my knees
Hoping to get left to freeze
Awakened by your gentle pleas.

While I'm sitting in the dark
Alone where silence left its mark
Peaceful as a singing lark
I hear your footsteps across the park.

You put my pieces back together
Held my hand through darkest weather
Wished we always would be together
But our hearts live on forever and ever.

All those dark nights, lost and afraid.
Fighting the thoughts that come to invade.
Sitting alone, fresh blade in hand.
Gliding across the soft, fleshy land.
Droplets rise up, a dark liquid shade.
Out of the slashes and wounds that were made.
Forget the struggles, the tears that were shed.
Holding the knife stained permanent red.
Stare in the mirror and what do you see?
Pink, little cuts covering me.
Some on my ankles, my stomach and thighs.
More on my arms, but that's no surprise.
Still in denial, all is ok.
They don't go real deep, the scars fade away.
Not willing to stop, not ready yet.
This addictive behavior is full of regret...

Drained of feelings for anything, nothing has a meaning.
Emotions held inside so long, altogether retreating.
Say whatever, i don't care it's probably the truth.
It's clearly read upon my face, so you're really not a sleuth.
Go ahead, look at me, i have none to hide.
My face you see, is but a blank, and it's the same way inside.
It's scary when you're at a time, not knowing who you are.
What is life, who even cares, have i gone to far?
Am i alone, can anyone hear, will they answer my call?
Is someone willing to be my rock, pick me up every time i fall?
Can you please stop all the talking and listen for a bit?
Can't you be there, like i was for you and understand this ****?
Keep a serious look on your face, no pity, or concern.
No wide eyes, dropping jaws, disdain, or discern.
Hear my story, the good and bad and then draw your conclusion.
If you judge me before the whole picture, what you see could be an illusion.

i know of a place where I can't be harmed
a beautiful place, wrapped up in your arms
your heart is my peace, it's ache is my sorrow
hearing it beat is the promise of tomorrow
you're eyes are my window, to see all that's great
you've opened my soul to appreciate
your body, my armor, your touch, my shield
both strong weapons that only i wield
your voice is my song and your face is my light
while your soft hands hold me, safe from the night

When you enter the vessel, you think it will be great.
This voyage is a long one, and only God knows your fate.
At first it's slow, smooth sailing but then the winds pick up.
The waves begin to rock you, but you can be tough.
This is just a rough patch, sunshine will resume.
Then the wind the waves and darkness show you that you are doomed.
Dark water slaps the sides, get ready for a wild ride.
Now the water is flowing, you gurgle for help but it's still going.
Thunder crashes, lightning strikes.
You are sinking, there's no more fight.
You watch in horror as you hit the ocean floor.
Then comes the blood, you can't take anymore.
The once clear waters; now stained red.
For not all complete their voyage, some give up instead.

Nothing lasts forever
Nothing's worth your while
Even just a second of a precious smile
People up and leave you, halfway through the fight
Never let it grieve you, lose no sleep tonight
Friends will become distant, lovers break your heart
Do not let the agony tear you all apart
Build walls up higher, set your armored guards
Pick up the pieces of your heart's little shards
Stay alone forever, it's easier that way
Then there's never someone, or a debt you have to pay

Why don't I ever hide my scars,
A symbol of the past.
Maybe I should let it go,
But nothing fades that fast.

Sometimes darker,
Sometimes faint.
Sometimes a helpful, reminder
Or restraint.

I don't regret
I'm not ashamed
I did what I did
To decrease my pain.

And now it's there
Watching me
As a subtle warning
Of what could be.

Set out on a journey
Didn't matter where
Through the deepest darkest path
Never getting there
Seeking destination
Scrambling toward the prize
Barely realizing
It was right before my eyes
Running for the people
Waiting for applause
When I should be striving
For a greater cause
You see if you chase after life
To obtain the little things
You miss the love and happiness
That life always brings

This poem isn't meant to trend or be some great big deal.
This poem is meant for me to express the hurt I feel.
I never seem to catch my breath or get the smallest break.
I'm tired, sore, out of shape, and all my muscles ache.
I'm always scared to lose the ones that I love most dear.
Everything bottles up and my insides start to sear.
I wear a shield to protect myself and everyone behind.
Don't want to see the other side, the unknown that I'll find.
I'm torn between my open heart and my broken soul.
I need someone to numb my pain and make me feel whole.
But no one loves this little girl as much as she loves you.
Afraid to admit her weaknesses, doesn't know what to do.
Terrified of people's thoughts and most abhorrent lies.
Going back and forth between fighting and demise.
Unable to see the happiness that may very well unfold.
Lost in depths of bleak depression, trembling and cold.