I'm feeling so bitter, so ugly.
These gross feelings that torment -
        Like an addict,  I welcome them,
But reluctant, and hating every second.
  I find I cannot let go
Of the passions that I grasp.
             I'm an evil soul, inside and out.
Oh help me, God, I am so lost!
Lost in the confusing swirl
Of right and wrong and grey.
The truth is found by reason,
               But the same can justify hate.
Oh, my God, oh, my God:
I beg for all the things to *****
And out, out, to go and free -
Give me liberty from this plague
      Which is me.

I'm feeling so bitter, so ugly.
These gross feelings that torment -
        Like an addict,  I welcome them,
But reluctant, and hating every second.
  I find I cannot let go
Of the passions that I grasp.
             I'm an evil soul, inside and out.
Oh help me, God, I am so lost!
Lost in the confusing swirl
Of right and wrong and grey.
The truth is found by reason,
               But the same can justify hate.
Oh, my God, oh, my God:
I beg for all the things to *
And out, out, to go and free -
Give me liberty from this plague
      Which is me.

I'm just a nobody
in this world where I had friends.
I was loved by somebody,
but it was all inside my head.
  What is real,
and what's inside my brain?
  Doesn't matter
- it comes to all the same.
So I look out the window,
Searching the dark skies.    
  I see so many faces
that smile with blank eyes.
  Is it all inside my head?
Is it all inside my head?
  Why do they say I'm alive
when I know I'm dead?

I wrote a song for you
But I forgot the tune
When I looked into your eyes
Ev'ry thought fleeted my mind

I never did believe
In something like you and me
Such a love seemed
Like something from a dream

But now here is proof
I was wrong in all I knew
Because our love is true
In everything we do

When we're sitting here together
Me and you forever
Our hearts in harmony sing
Yet no one says a thing

You know my heart was broken
When "be mine" was spoken
Because it beat so hard
That it fell right apart

No chains could contain
No person put to shame
Our thumping hearts in sync
Love flowing o'er the brink

Now this song is done
But there is another one
Always in the air
Around the one I care

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead
Than stuck in these thoughts that fill up my head.
I miss him much, and I'm so f*cking stressed.
I want to forget him but I'm still so obsessed.
I'm still in denial, and sometimes still hope
That regret is enough to undo this **** rope.
But my fingers are shaking and my vision grows white,
And the harder I try, the more it grows tight.
         If the further he goes, the closer I feel,
Am I falling for him, or just an ideal?
And now he's but a stranger to me,
And I to him, and it’s so **** lonely.
Does he still care? And what might he say
If I asked him to gamble himself and stay?
Would he hate me? Pity me? Or somehow realize
I'm a fickle, selfish woman he ought to despise?
       I confess that I made mistake on mistake--
I hurt him so much and caused his heartbreak.
I took him for granted, and somehow still do,
As if after all the pain I put him through,
"You still love me enough to let me have you."
       I'm a sucker for pain, and much too weak-willed
To take up my cross for the Blood that was spilled.
I'd rather have him now, and be less fulfilled.
Oh God, what a sinner I am, who hardly even tries
To move on from him and give up my lies
That I might fix "Us" with these selfish cries.
I try to persuade myself two contrary things--
One, that I love him, and that's why it stings,
And two, that I don't, and my heart only clings
To my love for love, or for company.
Oh, God, do you think there's a possibility
That the friend that I killed might somehow love me?

I don't know how to deal with life;
It seems I cant do anything right.
While one moment is full of bliss,
The next is tinged by bitter kiss.

When things are going beautiful,
I find wrong and ruin it all.
Where should I draw the line?
I thought my standards were just fine.

It's hard to be morally strong
When people say I'm doing wrong
By expecting them to be good,
While deep down I know I should.

All that kept her going then
Was to look forward to when
She could finally go to bed
With the Nightmares in her head.

No Horrors that plague the night
Could compare to those of her life.
"Truth is stranger than fiction"
And Reality worse than dream strife.

The minutes ticked much too slow -
Or maybe her heart beat too fast,
But either way it seemed her life
Wouldn't end and wouldn't last.

And so she counted on the days
(Or rather the phases of the pain).
Time went on and yet stayed still;
No change took place to make Time real.

The Woman found she couldn't tell
If she had died and gone to Hell,
Or if Hell had come to Earth,
Though neither place could be worse.

At last sweet Death heard her cry,
As her grave seems to imply.
Or maybe she is wandering still
Tied down by her twisted Will.

Poor Ben could not last a verse;
The more he went, the worse and worse.
The Lad came in the door each night,
But never lingered in his sight.

When Ben found one, he'd lose two,
And so the Mondays quickly blew.
A line was had, but not before
Poor Ben had scrambled all the more.

Two months went by with fruitless din.
The Lad went out when Ben came in.
When at last Ben held him tight,
He vanished straight from our sight.

Then Ben stood still (we held our breath).
A verse! Then two! Now three! -- A rest.
All eyes on him with hopeful gasp,
And Ben said all… except the last.

A man reclining in a chair -
His legs straight out, his hands in hair.
What toppled this tree such that
He landed in a way like that?

Up and down, his head it goes,
And now I see his eyelids close.
What droning tune did he hear
That sent him to someplace not here?

But at last his chin finds rest
On his slowly heaving chest.
What luck the teacher did not see
A slacking student such as he!

There stood a tree, stiff and brown.
Its leaves were gone, its branches down,
And where the top of it did bend,
There sat a mossy, knobby end.

And yet, for what the tree had not,
"A handsome one," is what I thought.
Although I couldn't reason why,
"A handsome tree," is what thought I.

But then to much surprise it seemed
That against the wind it leaned,
And when the wind ceased to blow,
The tree went moving on like so:

Not waving, nor falling, nor staying put,
Uprooting and planting its own foot!
But glasses quickly showed to me,
A man where there'd been a tree.

I'd heard there was a secret food
That someone made to increase their mood
But you don't really care for taters, do you?
Well, it goes like this:
First salt and shake, then garlic cloves and parsley flakes,
Then add some milk to those mashed potatoes.
Mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes...

Sometimes in life we must go our sep'rate ways,
And I hope you understand that that's ok.
I wanna thank you for all you've done for me,
And dont you ever say that you're sorry
'Cause there's only one thing I want to be:
A smile-worthy person in your memory.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

I look out the window: the sill is the brink
Of my depression, and I think
That maybe I have a chance to escape
If I jump out and run away.
But some things may never change--
I'm always failing and always the same.
Running away won't make me whole
'Cause my demons lie inside my soul.

Mama doesn't get me. She never will.
She's never had to stand on this window sill.
I tried to explain all my emptiness
But there's no rhyme or reason to any of this.
Mama doesn't get me. Neither do I.
We're two broken people and stuck inside--
She in her nightmare, and I in mine.
Despite what we're saying, nothing is fine.

This window that sounds like a mad man's dream
Is much more real than how happy I seem.
Sometimes I laugh till my sides ****** ache,
But in my empty heart, it all feels fake.
Sometimes I smile from ear to ear,
But nothing drowns out my sickening fear.
I'm always stuck standing, looking out that glass,
My life a sh-t movie, my acting first class.

As I look out the window, I often entertain
The idea of joining the fast falling rain.
I never will, but the thought lingers still,
As I bang my fists on my ****** window sill.

You ask me too often not to care,
"Why do you sit all day and stare
At the shining sea and ships out there?"
But I respond: "No reason."

You ponder again without ado,
"Surely there is something true
Which you find in the water blue?"
But I reply again, "Not so."

Yet each day you do persist:
"Some beauty must have softly kissed
To make you look so long at this!"
But I return, "Not so."

But you won't give up your quest.
"What mystery comes at your behest
To wake your quiet soul from rest?"
But I answer, "Nothing--

"--And before you can ask more of me:
Nothing! And Nothing will there be!
Shouldn't I be asking things of thee?"
And you say nothing.

Your smile is a melody
Played out upon a handsome face,
But since our strings were rent in two,
It's more a wound than it's a grace.

Your laugh is like a warbling brook
That brings the lonely heart relief,
But since our evening's torrid rain,
The sound of you just brings me grief.

Your voice is like hot chocolate
That warms one to the very core,
But since you ceased to speak to me,
I cannot drink it anymore.

Your hands are anchors in the storm
That hold the ship safe in the port,
But since our tide has long gone out,
Your touch will only harm and hurt.

Your hair is like a cushioned cloud
Where severed lips may find their seat,
But since the sev'ring was in us,
My kisses fall down at my feet.

Your eyes are but two dancing stars
That welcome home the weary soul,
But since this fog has come between,
I stumble like some blinded fool.

Your tears are like the misting rain
Through which the sun shines bows above.
So lovely, soft, and sad they flow,
But never more are mine to love.