because there was no one else
and i can't even help myself

i am drained
so drained
so very drained
i cannot seem to find
solace
within a single thing
i am so drained
just let me lay
don't speak
your words have done
enough already

we have closed conversations and then forget everything that we said
words we hide and store away, in the back of our heads
that none of this never, ever happened
but we know the truth behind these masks
and the desire to feel that it was entirely real, even if it was only that moment

her laugh was cold.
"i know he doesn't care about me. and the worst part is, i know it, but i can't seem to walk away. i'm sitting here feeling sad for myself for this mess i choose to stay in. and i only have myself to blame."
her smile was small and sad.
"love... it does crazy things."

you ripped my heart out
and you kept it for yourself
you tried giving it back to me
piece by piece
so that you could see
just how badly i wanted you
it was a ******* game
which you gained pleasure from
when all i screamed for when it was all over
was for my heart back
broken or whole
yet you kept control
and i am the one feeding your own heart
with this now hollow chest
and gauging emptiness you left

i don't want to have a face
and i don't want to have a name
i want to crumble away
i want to be free of this brain
i want to forget all that was, and is
i want to cease to exist
so that i may live