I am a hapless lad
Fortunate of the "un" kind
What kind of world do we live in
That I would be in this state
From dawn, 'til dusk
Where is my joy?
I'm not a liar
But I never tell the truth
I just elect
To stay silent
I wonder
I wander
I don't know what I want
Or where I'm going
Or even what I'm thinking, often times
Would this be considered living?
I'm just going through the motions
I am alive, in the technical term
But is this really a life?
Every day feels the same
I've become numb
The days, weeks, months
Blended together in a rainbow of grey
What is the purpose, if not to enjoy
To bring joy
It's hard to be thankful for each day
When I can't tell the difference between this and the last
I am a product of society
Of the system
The school is all about the short term memory
I don't learn anymore
Why?
Am I just ungrateful?
Or am I one of the few
Who isn't comfortable with this monotony
Not blind to the plight of man
Or am I just a hapless, hopeless young man
Playing the part of a poet?

I have a problem
It isn’t a secret, but it isn’t something you’re likely to know
You see, I can’t cry
I try and I try
But, the tears never come
And my riverbeds stay dry

I don’t really remember when it started
This isn't how I was before, I know
But, did something happen?
Is it something I’d rather forget?

Did I break?
I don’t remember breaking
But, I’m broken nonetheless

Are tears like glue?
Could they fix what shattered?
Am I scared that if I repair myself I’ll remember?
Remember?

It’s not that I don’t want to cry
It’s just that, the tears don’t flow
They build up in my eyes, and it aches
I want to cry… And it hurts

They say real men don’t cry
Well, I guess that makes me a man
I suppose I became a man years ago
But, it wasn’t my time!
I had no choice
Just like that, I grew up
And now I feel old, worn
Tired, torn

Did I use all of them?
Where did they go?
And, what exactly made that river flow?
All these thoughts and questions run through my mind
The headache has already begun
I want to cry
But I can’t
They- the tears
They don’t flow
Don’t flow
Won’t flow
Can’t flow

No one would suspect
No one knows
It’s not a secret
But no one ever asks why you’re not crying

When I am described

Average is a common word

Just another person

Just another face in the crowd

Just… Me.

But aren’t I?

Me: The only true word to describe myself

I am me

But I try not to be

When they stare or laugh

There is no one I’d rather be less

Than me

I hear their voices talking

About that dreaded person

Me

But the voices aren’t real, in my head

And still...

But I’m just like you

Or at least close enough

But to anyone else

Just being myself

A sin, a crime

But at the same time

They couldn’t care less

Just me, just another lost soul in this messed up place

Looking for love, receiving none

Caring to a fault

But, that isn’t me

It couldn’t be!

Not for what they see

A character, an extra

Seen, not heard

With no explanation

As to why he’s there, or who he is

Ordinary in every way

Slightly above average at best

But, I lower my gaze

My time alone has ended

No more out loud thoughts of dejected rejection

I shut my mouth, bow my head

I need my rest

After what wasn't said…

I, am Me

The average schmo, I’d rather not be