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Jabin Jul 2018
Three meager blackberries
not quite formed,
plucked too soon from the vine.

Like us,
you were not quite ripe.

But your sister is with us now.
Maybe I'll meet you someday.
Jabin Jul 2018
Who am I?
"How silly,"
the pond replies,
"Seems your eyes'd
see through your disguises
a sight better than mine."

But when I reach into the deep,
distorted ripples lull to sleep
the me I'd need
to really make
these murky waters shine.

"Then come inside,
the water's fine,
or at least
it's all you've got to drink."
But if I submerge,
Will I ever emerge?
Or drown myself
with liquid think?

What will I find
but fishing line
cast from some other
fisherman's rod?

Is anything mine,
swimming behind
the genes of history?
Perhaps I'll try...
But I may die.
"Oh, what a mystery........."

For who am I
to have this choice?
Just some noise,
a soulless voice
dawdling in the shallows.
"But would you become
A forgotten old crumb,
A bundle of bone and tallows?"

No, I'd wish not,
but what've I got?
This pond's no ocean,
that's sure.
"So return one day
when you've steeled your faith
or maybe obtained
a magic lure."

I recall now the reason
I love winter's season,
alone on my land dwelling
limbo.
While frozen you are
reflecting the stars
over schools of mindless
minnow.
Jabin Jul 2018
Mouth dry, tongue tied,
So much to say.
Last night, I tried-
Knelt down to pray.

Morning came too soon,
Truth through my window.
I know I'm the moon-
Diminuendo.

Happiness is naive.
All just-for-fun designs.
The pain we keep to grieve-
Vanity of the mind.

We swing from metal framework,
Deep in our beliefs, we fight.
In our dreams, we twitch and ****-
Repeating the phrase, "I'm right".

I'm right, I'm right, I'm right, I write,
And God has told me just as much.
I write, I write, I write, "I'm right?"
Gems overflowing from my clutch.

Now I stop to think- shame has made me.
Is it worth bowing to retrieve gold?
I recall when all I sought was glee.
When did life impose this stranglehold?

Everything I know's been built by unknown.
Thought I could make the best of this in time.
I sit here, a clown, laughing at my throne-
It was all I could do to craft a rhyme.

Gun shy, outside,
Nothing to say.
Headlight, eyes wide-
No reason to stay.
Jabin Jul 2018
Symmetry, balance-
Perfection.
It is possible.
You have to know how to blend.
Shade the yin with the yang.
Redefine---------------------------------------------

Never say the curse.
Politeness...
You must know the truth.
Mix the knowing with pretend.
Now, choose your words well.
They listen.

The light from the screen
Pulls the dark
From within my mind.
It asks me what's on my mind.
If only you knew...
I type lies.

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
LIES. LIES. LIES. LIES. LIES. LIES. LIES.
Because they don't want the truth.
You don't want the truth.
I need lies.

I can't be myself.
I am sin.
Worse than that, I'm wrong.
I can't ever change my mind,
Because there it is,
Forever.

I show what you crave-
Perfection.
It's all tremendous.
This life full of happiness.
No gray, only white.
For your eyes.

When I power down,
I'm weeping.
Tears of confusion.
Tears of impotence and rage,
Because I know - Truth.
Perfection.

Each day, I fear death.
Wish for it.
Each day reminding,
I take a shot for sugar
Because I was weak.
Misguided.

Each day, I am weak.
I pretend.
I want to lash out.
Want the world to feel my pain.
But I don't do it.
I love you.

What is on my mind?
Hate, anger/
No one really cares.
If I die tonight, who cares?
The world keeps spinning,
Deletion.

Programming to cope,
Coded hope-
Trust we'll meet again.
But I'll be in the ground soon.
Fed on by the worms.
No more words.

So I stay hidden.
Sit with the truth
That I am pointless.
All of this is just pointless.
Symmetry of good
And evil.

I'll be what you want.
To save you.
I've figured it out.
Perfect in isolation.
I'll stay here and wait
For the void.

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.
Even more-----
I don't really love.
I don't have true empathy.
No, those are all LIES!
No, I choose.

Can you see me now?
Do you know?
My eyes are of fire.
My thoughts are vitriolic.
But my words are sweet.
So pleasant.

Do you understand?
Who am I?
If you say, "Devil"-
Oh you, so full of terror.
You fear yourself too----
Do you not?
Jabin Jul 2018
Sky, blue
Earth, old
True, true
No, no.
Jabin Jul 2018
Don’t hold me while I’m hurting.
That is much too easy.
Pull me out of the darkness
If you really want to seize me.

Don’t **** me with your kindness.
Sometimes I need your rage.
Politically correct?
It’s just a venue for the stage.

Dangerous line your flirting,
Trying to be perfect.
Transparent is the starkness
Of the lie you strive to protect.

I’d rather avoid blindness
In favor of the truth.
Have your heart plain to detect.
Please, don’t force me to be a sleuth.

It is tough, being exposed.
Show strength with all your might.
Even if it hurts me now,
Dishonesty is so contrite.

Stab into me, your passion.
Draw blood with vicious teeth.
Pain often heals with progress,
Then we can start to clear the heath.

For everything undisclosed,
For every secret veil,
Every hidden, broken vow,
For your own sake, I beg, exhale.

Yes, outrage is in fashion,
Upset for every other.
Each ******* sneeze we bless,
Is another truth we smother.

I’d rather go on trusting,
You’ll show me if you hate.
I cannot fix what’s unseen;
Let’s engage in healthy debate.

Every conflict is a chance
To make our lives better.
The answer clear before us,
That apprehension would fetter.

Openness takes adjusting.
There’s no doubt about that.
But there’s so much good to glean,
From a respectful little spat.

Let us quit this petty dance,
And get close, flesh to flesh.
Spot the dirt and wipe it clean.
And continue the steps afresh.
Jabin Jul 2018
My pancreas busted.
Sugar was too sweet.
The candy I trusted
Has taken my feet.

I thought it was virtue.
Truth, I always sought.
I must now bid adieu
I won't take the shot.
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