A river flows against a part of me
And washes away the heart of me
oh that a drift
could be so swift
That it rinsed
out the bits
and pieces that were burnt

the symptom of waking up is being awake
the morning bleaches your midnight self away
spiteful sun rays pull at you sweater
and chant around to with snotty cheeks
its reckless endangerment  to put on a party hat  
and leave a perfectly naked evening smothered in bliss
hello mornings are spat out through tight teeth
and throw themselves against the window
dripping down the window sill
what an eff'n mess you have to clean up

Put me in the shade in the middle of the day
Because I don't like the way the light hits my face
But in a light breeze when things aren't so hot
And there are clouds overhead in little white spots
Thats when I feel like I'm living the most
Because life is mostly sunny with a hint of the cold

Cold Water
turns my skin blue
And feeds me a hard portion of life's true gifts
filters and funnels all the cushy grains out of my coffee
and leaves a bitter after taste
it might have lasted days if I didn't inject myself back into the streams of society
I flowed further and further each time
exploring each twirling tributary
all that leads back to this humble kitchen table
where my coffee gets served
along with a tasty bowl
of Cold Water

I don't want complicated
I want the drama of simplicity
I want a hand touching a hand
A smile from across a room
I want the disruption of wanting you
And the chaos of knowing you want me all the same
I want the tension of peace
The silences in your speech
Knees touching slightly as we take our seats
I want the dismay of being calm
Through the whirlwind of your charm
And the confusion of knowing it'll cause me no harm
I want a maelstrom in a stream of conversation
I want a derangement sans the complications
I want you
As simply as you want me
So how complicated could that possibly be?

i'm sore
i'm sore because of people
who stand too close
and melt over me trying to seep into my skin
they cover me like shrink wrap
greasy and contact adhesive
they leave no inter-cellular air spaces for my pores to release energy
i implode, i implode
and whisper against the plastic
you're too close
person
you're too close

In the corner is safe
Safe from the four walls that stare me don't
I'll bury myself in this right-angled paradise
Where there is only room for me

not all poems are deep
some are tiny khoi ponds
of bubbles that pop on our brains
and leak out of our ears
and drip blotchy squiggles on our pages
brain drops
as brains are used to float away
not just to think

What are you doing... asks a concerned on looker

Why are you fighting away the leaves that willingly fly your way?
Why are you kicking away the paths that bite at your heels?
Why are you scratching out the eyes of the one who sees through your thick skin?
Why are you waking yourself up when your dreams make your mind seem like more than just a
whirlwind of thoughts?

I'm protecting my heart...I answered, I'm protecting my heart

I drank away my wealth
And I'm a bit drunk now
Sitting on the back of the bus
Reclining in my seat
Remembering a time when I wasn't in this deep
When my regrets had a resolution that was never this steep
**** I get nervous remembering those things
For past is a wormhole that swallows me whole
And leads me down a path that always leads me back home
A place I knew once when I wasn't so grown
And a front door welcomed a man a lot less old
But I've long grown too fond of struggling alone
With the coins in my pocket already half way gone
The youth I once knew wasted in the wind
Just sitting on the back seat of a bus
Sunken into the creases in my skin

I wish I was a burning ball of gas ripping through the air,
so that you could look at me while I was up there,
and not be aware,
and not even care,
that you're the reason I left my body,
and shed my skin and other parts of it,
to become something so bare and rare and perfect and orange,
that you forgot to breathe when you came across it,
and you'd stand there with your chin up,
lip parted at the sky above,
wondering how God could've created with love,
but never explained its beauty to no one,
and I'd rip and twirl and burst and whirl,
before your eyes like shimmering pearl,
and you'd never know that I was just a girl,
who left herself to brighten your world.

It a **** awful night to love you the way I do
With a heat that burns my heart and bakes straight through
My chest and sheets and mattress too
But when the morning finally comes
You would have never knew

I wore sneakers today
For a wander down memory lane
Called an old friend to talk
And took time for a walk
Same as I've always been
Dressed for winter over my skin
Hoping rather to laugh
At the things from our past
Things I've come to miss
To cut conversationlessness
We danced anticlockwise
In lines in our minds eyes

For hearts as deep
As shallow ponds
In silence weep
Your sadness gone
For morning breaks
The wake of dawn
And wet eyes take
Your face it from

Your strength makes
me hate
being too weak
to stand without you

And so the lark sings
To the day's first dawning
Some dusty motel
Sees a woman fawning
And at once it's all over
For naught but for wanting.

How horrible and happy life is all together
How privileged you are to remember both together
A little bit of patience, barely spanning a meter
To sustain a tiny candle light in the heart of winter
Be still little heart
The summer is almost here
Then the reaping will start
Just as the dew reappears...

I've been missing for days
Caught in a fold
That crease in your cheek
Has swallowed me whole

So I dance
Because it takes nothing from me but a little bit of energy
That would've been wasted standing still in any case
Might as well share a moment with a crowd
And be a part of a movement for just a moment
There is peace
There is one
There is freedom
I wish the world was a dance floor sometimes
Not all the other things it learned to be
I wish we could use just a little bit of energy to dance together
Instead of waste it on other things that cause us to stand still

Oh, Scarlet's got a boyfriend now
She says she thinks she found the one
Well I don't what love is all about
I'm happy for her anyway

Oh they say that "You've missed out"
Cause you don't understand the misery
Oh they say that "you've gotta find out
I'd rather keep it all a mystery

My friend don't you worry about me
I'm fine
I got my head on my shoulders
My friend only cares about things
like time
She say we're only getting older

Don't touch me
Because i want it
You have someone who wants you the same
Waiting where you left her
Where You've built an alter for you two be rest on
So don't touch me
Because I'm on the outside
You have someone who loves you
You can't have someone who wants you too

I'll stand up out of this hurt
And be done with he entire bit
This lesson will be learned
Peace earned
Bridges bridges burned
This loneliness can eat ****
And I'll be a better person because of it

I could've been a lemur
But the deity decided to make me a human
And now I'm here and you're here
And we both wish that we were somewhere else

I woke up in the midst of my suffering
To realize that my feelings were swollen
And my heart was sore
And that it was a gift to have to apply bandages to your wounds
And that having time to tend to your swollen feelings
Meant that you've been given another day
And having feelings inside of you meant that you're still alive

drinking coffee to feel a buzz
doesn't take the place of feeling love
but feeling anything at all will be enough
to keep my waking hours from fading out

I am far too afraid
To go that way
The path seems dark and murky
Though my heart will erase
The memories made
And leave them all behind me
I must walk
I must move
No more talk
Time to prove
But I am far too afraid
To go that way
And leave this world behind me

Leave me
You following things
Stop sticking to my back like feathers
I am an ostrich
Stuck to the ground
I am a penguin
Slipping on the ice
I wish I could trade in these heavy wings
And sweep away these feathers
And take to the sky
Using nothing but my bare arms

Tell them
I was being strong
That moment when they looked at me
And didn't recognize my face
I became the person they'd never know again

A black bird on a bridge side
Sitting slightly on an incline
Tilts its head somewhat oddly
And squints at the wind as if he sees it passing
Is it too heavy a breeze
To fly with ease?

I bled out
Repeatedly
Like a broken gum ball machine
tipping over every edge
leaving a mess outside of myself
For every one to see
All is out
I am empty
Living with an internal echo
I have to live with this mess on the floor
Ankle deep
Thick as mayo
Public
Billboard
Of my own thoughts

Truthfully and honestly
A flower blooms
In the guitars strings of life
But dies in the trumpets of floorboards
And tugs at the armhairs
And red beard of the goats belly
Twice now I've come across
As we are all voyagers
And walk of the tips of out feet
And a plague on all cowards

Love the Lord with all your heart
Whether you love nothing else
Yet you'll love every rock your feet touches
Love the Lord with all your heart
Whether you find joy in nothing else
Yet joy will seep out of every open valve
Love the Lord with all you heart
And your heart will become love
And each blood cell that is born inside it
Will carry it's grain
Aggressively swarming through your veins
Until you become love
And it's all you are
And every step you take leaves it behind
Spreading it like pollination

after locking yourself out of me
you immediately felt the urge to return to the space inside of me
and you looked at me as if i was the one who caused it

For love so sweet  that it crawls beneath and leaves everything powerless in defeat. Pull down the mountains and and oceans deep.
That is the love he gave to me...

For goodness sake
My heart still beats
Air still crashes through my lungs when I breath
Veins still spit blood onto my skin when I bleed
My eyes still follow lines down pages when I read
My thoat still expands and contracts when  I eat
My waist still leads to knees then down legs to my feet
And someday you'll remember that  I'm still a human being
Even after I acted beast when I said those things

The last time I saw you, you were just a little girl



The last time I saw you, you stole my innocence

Fourteen days after impact
I reached into my pocket and found a phenomenon
on a crumbled up piece of photo paper
him and I stared back up at me
and suddenly I stood alone on the crumbled memory
next to a stranger with a face I've never seen before
Barely wallpaper, a face in a crowd
A passerby on a street that never settles to a simmer
Fourteen days after impact I threw away a crumbled piece of photo paper
That might as well have been a candy wrapper
A phenomenon called
out of sight, out of mind, out of hearts, out of photos

You wear constellations on your chest
Hidden under your vest
Those stars on your *******
Everytime the sunsets...

When i am asleep, i dream naturally
My mind forms images that are not calculated by any mathematical or grammatical sanity
They are squiggles beyond the bounds of time and space
They are fierce and rough and out of place
My dreams are not a part of my world or a substantial image of my face
And if i truly think about them in my rational state, i can't explain them or argue their case
So they must be nothings, thats all i can say
But when I'm awake and can see and form and draw and structure my reality
I can create my world and decide its ebbs and flows, be the the future of it all dim
So if being asleep means being trapped in the realm of insanity
Then being awake must mean freedom in my reality

Insecurities
Are friends to me
They stick closer to me than family
They sit opposite me at the dinner table
And are my plus ones at every social event
I can push them away
And ignore their eye lines
But when the crowds are gone
They are all that remain
And they'll never leave me
As loyal as pets
Closer than lovers
Always offering a hand
And word of advice
Until I drown out the words of everyone else
And they are all I have
And all I hear

I've got a heart
And it has a beat
It beats my chest to pieces
As glass as it is

That Night...
When my mind and my heart agreed to love you
You gained ownership over my body
And it would forever long for you
Way after my mind and heart have forgotten why I chose you that night

I prayed to God
With my hand to my heart
To give me the heavens
And the moon and the stars

But all he gave
Despite the words I prayed
Was a hand full of friends
And a rooftop for shade

Disappointed at at first
But soon came to learn
That the little he gave
Was more than deserved

So I took my friends
The few I was lent
And thanked my stars
For this life well spent...

In the gallery of us
There is one picture wearing no paint
And I look at it endlessly as I wait...

I listened intently
Deeping and contently
To the voice to which every other sound remains empty
She spoke with her whole chest
Using words that would continue long after she left
I lay awake in its echoes
It meanders and flows
And from it all my love grows and grows

The emptiness in my heart fills up my head
Silent motion in the dark that crowds up my bed
And I feel so light
I'm barely making a dent in my mattress
Now I fear the doubt is starting to compliment my sadness
I'm an open book
But all you'll read is dampness
If you like scribbles maybe you can untangle this madness
Cause Lord knows I've tried but I end up on a blank page
And I'll spend my weekends filling it up for days
I'm fond of the clouds
But I adore the sun rays
I hope can still hear the laughter
Everytime a child plays
Locked in my room where the covers they smother my mood
Until all this gloom somehow becomes understood

The years are running cold
Like sand through your finger holes
Like cents in your old jacket getting lost in the pocket folds
Stilling hemmed to the edge of a jaded crown
To get praise from a faded crowd
Trading being right for the right to be loud
Tell me where are all your glories now
Just a clown with an open mouth
In a house where the lights are out

I heard a story about you once
Flooding out of someone at else's mouth
About all kinds of details I've never notice before
And it made me question the you I thought I saw
They brought up secrets they thought you were hiding
And if they weren't so convincing I'd think they were lying

free from the feathers
wet and hanging
from my shoulders
as if the roof melted and dripped down my arms
it became the floor and exposed the air
and suddenly
I could fly into the air
if only my feet wasn't stuck to the ground
in meters of wet gooey melted ceiling water

she's just a baby regardless of the years
squeezed up next to him they cut the silence with beers
they drink to things she doesn't understand
innocent to the fact that he has bigger plans