Changes my heart makes
without the approval of my head
from one to the next, not much thought

It's like a wicked game
giving all the love away
with not much left at the end

Always the same narrative
the same story
easily changing the players
without being sorry

Truly vile
the heart loves telling those lies
I try to control it
but it always leads to my downfall

I need you now
more than ever before

But you still leave
and walk out that door

No regards for feelings
all our history
is clearly fleeting

My mind races
as my heart paces
The efforts are futile

I feel you slipping away
further everyday

And I just watch
wishing you would stay

I've imagined it many times
You and me together
All those years from now

I see us come alive
Enjoing each other
and living our best life

With a nice place
where we can be free
and just be together at last

It will be our happy place
the house atop the hills
that we have created
now come alive

Cozy winter nights
spent together by the fire
and summer afternoons
spent together by the pool

This will be our life
as we have discussed it
many times
you and I
from here on out

Above my dreams
sitting on the mountain tops
by the streams

Alone I wake
wishing, wondering
why it had to be this way

All that time
spent fantasizing
what a crime

And still I wait
for the right one
hoping it won't be late

I remember the long drives
along the night skies.

We would sing aloud
surfing through the clouds.

As the night started to fade and
the lilac tones appeared.
We were not afraid.

We rolled down our windows,
pretended our hands were heroes.

High off the ecstasy of each other's company,
we became bubbly.

Finally allowed to be,
together by the sea.

Going out felt like
hiding in plain sight.

Just good friends
hanging out.

No stares,
no questions.

We became secret
agents those days.

Walking around
in our eternal haze.

I want you
all to myself.
I want to bask shamelessly
in your light.
Stare at those bright, hopeful eyes;
without fear of lies.

I need you,
more than i would like.
That soft touch with those delicate hands,
as it meets all my demands.

Yesterday you promised to stop
Today, you did it again
There is no point in trying
You know that

The slick red is calling
The blade shining

Muscle memory serves you well
My dear
Without thinking you continue
No sign of fear

The pain is but an afterthought,
Barely present
There is danger in those feelings
As you begin your slow descent

No sane person would ever do it
But then again
We both know you are not sane

How far will you go love?
No true boundary stops you
No other but the one above

Slowly
You are branded
by that iron of thought

Silently announcing the show
Just to end up alone
Like you did all that time ago

You promised to stop
But it has your soul
And you finally realize
There is nowhere to run

Thinking about you makes me uneasy
- Clearly a bad sign.
But it has been proven
- I am not really fine.

Your words appear
profound and important.
Yet they hide a twisted
and lonely portrait.

When I try to control these feelings
- My hear ignores me
and continues cheating.

It clearly wants you,
oblivious to the curse you carry.
It gives itself away,
and all to my mind's dismay.