I’m staring into his eyes
Wishing they were yours
It makes me want to cry
Cause it never will be
You’re so special and I hate it
I hate you so much
And I wish you would let me go
Because I just can’t leave
I can’t bear this
Sleepless nights and never emptying plates
It’s what you and your eyes do to me.

I wish I was good enough for you
I wish you wanted me like I want you
I’d do anything for you & I don’t know why but it’s destroying me from the inside.
you don’t know how I could be, I could make you so happy. But do you even want that.
I want to be the most beautiful girl in the world
Cause maybe then.

Stick knives in your eyes
Fight the evil and horror that lies
Incarnate your words
Into notes that slur
Stick picks in your eyes
Your vision will blur
Your wings will clip when your love roams
You abandoned your eyes
So you will guide yourself with not what you see but with what you hear
Face your fear
To come near and touch the skin of the poor hollow shell you made drown in tears.
She’ll make you sink in the void of sorrow.

I start to fall
& he spits on my soul
Heart turns to stone
I’m all on my own.

All on my own
Solitude owns my spirit
I’d hold your hand
But I couldn’t go near it
I’m scared to love you more.
I’m scared of feeling sore.
Though I think I can handle it,
I’m lacking the will to feel anymore.

Pain is alive
And it’s eating you up
Struggling to survive

Strolling in the dark
My heart bleeding
lungs hurt
Eyes seeping
Ears red
Off my tears he fed
The wind is cold
Thinking to myself
Secrets untold
Chains around my body
Covered in rust and mould
Unloved just lust
Key to my heart and mind
Smothered in dust.
Want to end the game of life
And start the sequel of death.

It’s becoming hard to breathe at night
        When all my demons come to life
My worries weighing down my heart
         Tearing my whole world apart

From a living story
Into bones in the ground
A pile of ashes
That don’t make a sound
Your life crashes
Before you know
Your grave is covered by the snow
100 years pass
Your names eroded
Fragile like glass
Covered in grass
You’ll never quite know which word is your last.

Fill my bag with rocks
Jump off the docks,
By the River bank
My thoughts stayed floating
My body sank
Corroding with time
To god, suicide is a crime
So I’m staying here at the bottom of the river
Food for the fish
Feeding off my flesh
Moulding into grime
My only wish.
It’s all I’ll be good for.

Everyone has their twisted corner
With secrets and scars
And dying stars.

No one ever understands
Lonely in the mist I am
On my knees, eyes bleed
No one there to take my hand

Every direction I look,
I Can’t see for more than a yard away
The sunset is due
End of the day
I’ll close my eyes
Breathe the pain away

Love is such a perfect feeling
though it’s brought me to tears
Tore open my heart
   Letting loose to all my fears.

Put me in pain
  But it’s a change from feeling nothing
  Crying, hiding it. By standing in the rain.

I say i don't want you in my life
but you keep me up all night
and i know why
but i rather die than feel that way inside.
all that feeling has done is consume my heart and mind. Tearing open the void inside.

Don’t tell me you love me
I’m stuck in between
Cause i don't feel a thing.

I hid my feelings so deep
That I can’t find them anymore

My heart is straining with every beat
It feels so sore

I’m giving with all I have left to lose

   I can’t do this anymore.

Pathetic romantic
That is me
I want something out of reach
All I’m getting is short & sweet
But it always ends sour.

It’s ******* boring.

If you can’t handle a heart like mine
Don’t waste my time.

I’m suffering
can’t you see
So don’t waste your time with me.

I lost myself for you
There’s nothing I could do
Breathe me in,
like the music you listen to.

I’d give you my love
But even that wouldn’t be enough.  

I’m tired of falling for,
Hearts, that always want more.

You don’t see me the same way as you used to,
And it’s all because of me,
I wanted too much too quickly
I wanted you to want me.

It was just such a rare feeling
So I knew it was real
Out of everyone I had met
You made my heart heal

I didn’t know how to feel
I didn’t know why
But I guess... it’s okay
Atleast were under the same sky.

Do you remember
When we used to talk everyday
I thought we were something
But All along, I was the only one who’d stay.

Did I miss something
That you said
Or am I thinking too much
Whilst laying in bed

I wish I never met you
And was all alone like I am right now
but this time
Without you trapped inside of my head.

I wish to go back
I’ve done many things wrong
Loving you being one

I don’t want to have met you
But I’m glad i did
But it’s tearing me up inside
That you didn’t want me.

When will I hear it
The voice from the flames

When will I see it
The sky with the stars

When will I feel it
The heart with a beat

I know I’ll hear, see and feel it all
When we are to meet.

Alone in my room
You left me

You’re with her
I’m nobody

Sinking in the abyss
Where are you

Now you’re knocking on my door
Where is she

You’re still knocking
It’s too late

I Drowned in my blood & tears
Where were you

Ease the suffering
Just hold my hand
But you’ve already left
And I understand
Why you chose to love another
Luck was never on my side
When will it end
From loneliness I hide

Let me under your skin
Let’s share our sins

Why won’t you look into my eyes
Are you scared to fall
I’m tired of trying to keep the water warm
Trying to stop my heart from overflowing

But when I think of you
I always spill
Balancing a cup full of tears
I can’t let you know
How much you hurt me so
I can’t do this forever
I’ll always spill

I see an ocean of lost souls
faceless bodies floating
lifting in waves
grey figures leading to no shore
they're stuck
trapped in this, something
it makes me emotional
it makes my want to cry
perhaps this is where we go
if we are to die?

Walking along the dunes
Shells in my hand
Kicking little rocks
Sticking out of the sand.

Wind rippling through my shirt
Sun stroking my cheek
Looking out to the sunset, upon the sea
It's Freedom that I seek.

call me insane
Im a fool for pain
I deserve it
only a touch of my love remains

my heart paces for you
but id rather be your friend than nothing at all
if it was between you and me,
i'd choose for myself to fall.

There’s a permanent pounding
In my head
Like a knock on the door
also coming from the floor
Following me everywhere I walk
It only gets louder when I talk
I try to ignore it
The voices everywhere
But when I do they turn into ghosts
And start pulling on my hair
I can’t escape my demons
I guess I’ll learn to live...

How do I explain
In words
My pain
It hurts
To contain
My feelings, In my head
From my eyes I bled
Face in red
I wish I was still,
And dead instead.

It’s raining
The air is damp
I’m waiting for you underneath the lamp
You should see me in a black raincoat
soaking wet hair
Looking down at scattered puddles everywhere
But you didn’t see
Because you didn’t show up
You’re at home drinking hot tea from my cup

It’s not your fault for not being there
It’s mine for thinking you would be

No one will ever care like I do
I’ve given up.
No one will ever care like I did
You can’t hurt me now.

Life isn’t so scary
When you have nothing left to lose
When you’re alone
When the light is running out from your fuse
You’re collapsing
Shutting down
Where’s the life left in you
It’s roaming around
Looking for someone worthy
To grow into

my life was built brittle,
as if wooden.
A simple toy, without a full set.
What remains, will fragment

But if I left this earth
my mum would be a mother to a ghost.

I'm a burden, a parasite held in embrace
my heart, mind and soul are all derelict.
Poor, abandoned, neglected...
but all at the same time as being used.

My heart is hollow
no more will I mend and maintain

Let it turn to rust
the shards will scatter
forgotten, left smothered in dust

The thick black clouds are expanding
I am no longer able to see the walls of my mind.
A hurricane swirling around my heart
no more love for you to find.

why is death portrayed as a negative
to be still is to be peaceful
how I wish for silence from my mind
to be static

I am an unfortunate without an escape
I don't belong here
I am not in the right place
I am errant


but then you think of the burden youd bring upon your family
im a burden both dead and alive.

How did chaos arise from such perfection?

The world still spins
But when I look at you
it stops.
Time stands still.
I can hear my heart.
Feel the thrill.

Some days
You just aren’t ready for the sun to blaze
Lazy days
Close the curtain go back to sleep
Falling into abyss
Counting sheep

Don’t talk to me
I’ll only break your heart
As mine only beats for one
But I’ll still lead you on
As the thought of someone loving me is a crave
Though I only crave it from one

I can’t get over you
Though there’s nothing I can do
To make you want me
The same way I want you
I look for you in other boys
I hold their hand
And it feels right
Until I realise it isn’t yours
The left side of my heart wants it to be
The right side thinks it is
But it never will be

Inhaling my sorrows and secrets
My lack of will to live
To love and cry

Falling apart
I feel it in my heart

When do I get to exhale

my soul, is a void
that will shrink up inside me
I am close to losing myself entirely.

I look into the mirror
just a hollow spirit
with a solitary soul trapped inside me.

Sedentary on the bench in the back garden
for the final hours of the day
the time in the evening when the sun disappears
and daylight fades away
still, looking out into the stark horizon
watching the colours change in the sky
from blue to red and cloudy
just like my eyes.

so silent, deep in thought
the beating of my heart
in sync with my tears as they fall from my cheek,
that turn into razor blades that fall upon my skin
in every drop lies a story
I find the bench starting to float
as the garden is flooded from the tears I shed,
by how much I bled,
the garden turned from green to red.

Being forced through thousands of locked doors
splinters piercing my body
leading to a floating platform
where I look into the sky but see no stars
but everybody else can
they get to see the beauty of the night sky
whereas to me its a blindfold over my vision
look into my eye,
only an abyss of pain.
I step off the platform
to feel something
anything
but I just keep falling,
the gravity shifts
and i'm falling through the doors once again.

hoping that every time I enter back into the world
I can catch a glimpse of a star.
that was taken away from me
a long time ago.

Please tell me i'm not as forgettable
as your silence is making me feel
listlessness in conversation
The white sky, blank. Sour air.
No emotion, no feeling

The rustling of the music on the radio
voices coming in and out of frequency
almost like the faint voices of myself in my ear
calling, begging for me to get over it.

I thought we were tessellated,
but were both a handful of hexagons
that just don't sit right.

The days are going so slow,
but my heart is beating so fast,
thinking about us.

The truth is,
you could break my heart in two,
but when it heals it beats for you.
Because love defines all,
everyone needs love,
you would let yourself get hurt
go beyond and above
over and over again just to prove to yourself
that they are for you,
just accept it!

...But its not for me to say stop trying,
because if he came back i would most certainly
lay my clothes down for him to walk over.
He is precious.
And he knows it.

Should I care
should I not
look in your eyes
deep in thought

Feel your touch
On my skin
But now you're gone
All I feel is my sin

Of loving


if we never speak again atleast i told you about how i felt,
how much i love you
your mind
your mind
now i'm left behind
leaving the thought
of you touching my skin on my mind

Not a part of your heart anymore
mines sinking from the inside
i'm torn

I'm sore
so sore
how will i love anymore

I ****** in the streets
with my eyes
and my smile
it's an instinct if i haven't loved in a while

it's the most amusing
-to me, to tease
over-aged men
because i know they'll never see me again

Their sick minds of lust
they were left
they're alone
drinking lager, jacking off
to **** Hub on their phone

They should know better than to wink at the minor in the street.
Its gut wrenching to see
how many freaks you never really meet.

I'd like to love again
but you don't understand me
nobody does
but that's okay
i don't expect you to
i'm not mad
perhaps very sad
but only at myself

my love is odd
love is legacy.

How do you manage
to make my life a living hell
but still,
become the sun on my perfect days
and the moon on my sleepless nights.

I was so scared to confront the realisation of my use
in your life
was none.

I went out of my way
Wasted my day
Just to make sure you were okay

I have feelings
It seems you don’t
It feels like you’ve shoved a knife down my throat

You said lets stop talking
Right after I gave you advice
It seems like I had no other reason in your life

I wanted to ask why but didn’t want to be a pain
But now theres so many thoughts going through my brain
What did I do
Is it me or you
No ******* reason just give me a clue

Why do I always let this happen
To myself and my heart
Why me of all people did you have to tear apart
You know what ive been through
You knew that I was scared
Gave me **** saying I was pretending that I cared

I genuinely did
But now I know that I shouldn’t
If I knew this would happen
Obviously I wouldn’t

I poured myself out to you
My heart just froze
I felt It fall to pieces
Like petals from a rose

My eyes went cloudy
I suddenly stopped breathing
I cant believe
After all that
You said that you’re leaving

You’re so selfish
But in a way I understand
You fell through my fingers,
like bitter sand.

I look in the mirror
Times standing still
I notice my eyes, with tears start to fill.

One finger tapping on the counter
I’m biting on my cheek
Suddenly I feel my knees, starting to go weak.

Im breathing in strange patterns
My nostrils flaring
I snap out, and realise that I’m still staring,
Into the eyes of who I wish was never born
Thinking about if I were to leave
Who would be the first to mourn.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so numb
But is it a feeling, If I feel nothing
When I say I feel okay
I’m most likely bluffing,

My blood I feel rushing
Filling up my cheeks
I’m ashamed of myself
I haven’t left the house in weeks.

Get a grip
People have it worse
I rather be in their shoes
Than my brain be smothered in this curse.



You say I’m over exaggerating
I say you don’t know me
All I ever wanted was to just feel ******* free.

I really hope you’ll understand
That sometimes my words don’t come out as planned
I stutter and lisp as I say what I feel
Why was it my heart
That you had to steal.

I’m sorry that I’m so inconvenient
I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart
A lot of the time I wish, from the world
I was apart

I’m as disappointing as an empty wallet
But people give up so easily
If your name was as long as the universe
I’d still be happy to call it.

But you’ll give up on me
For you it’s too much to even smile
But I hope you know
That for you I’d crawl much more than a mile.