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Nov 6 · 41
Death.
Emilia B Nov 6
From a living story
Into bones in the ground
A pile of ashes
That don’t make a sound
Your life crashes
Before you know
Your grave is covered by the snow
100 years pass
Your names eroded
Fragile like glass
Covered in grass
You’ll never quite know which word is your last.
Nov 3 · 59
Fish Food.
Emilia B Nov 3
Fill my bag with rocks
Jump off the docks,
By the River bank
My thoughts stayed floating
My body sank
Corroding with time
To god, suicide is a crime
So I’m staying here at the bottom of the river
Food for the fish
Feeding off my flesh
Moulding into grime
My only wish.
It’s all I’ll be good for.
Emilia B Nov 2
The millisecond the medication wears off
My mind spills like a broken dam
Thoughts flooding through again
Knots in my stomach
I feel sick I want to cry again
Close my eyes and count to ten
Nov 1 · 323
Mist
Emilia B Nov 1
Everyone has their twisted corner
With secrets and scars
And dying stars.

No one ever understands
Lonely in the mist I am
On my knees, eyes bleed
No one there to take my hand

Every direction I look,
I Can’t see for more than a yard away
The sunset is due
End of the day
I’ll close my eyes
Breathe the pain away
Oct 31 · 224
Empath
Emilia B Oct 31
It’s a blessing and a curse
Being in crowds makes it worse
It’s draining,
Feeling all at once
You’re sad
I’ll carry it
You’re happy
I’ll cherish it
Tell me you’re in love with me
And you’ll regret it.
Cause I’ll let you down and feel your pain
I’ll stand in the rain get rid of the burden of empathy, which is making me insane.
Oct 19 · 50
Pretend
Emilia B Oct 19
You can be strong
But still be in pain
Whether it’s over him or her
You’ll love again
You can be tough
But still cry
Don’t hold it in
Don’t live a lie
You can feel like you’re going to die
But still laugh with your friends
But You don’t have to pretend
Anymore...
Oct 11 · 356
It’s good.
Emilia B Oct 11
Love is such a perfect feeling
though it’s brought me to tears
Tore open my heart
   Letting loose to all my fears.

Put me in pain
  But it’s a change from feeling nothing
  Crying, hiding it. By standing in the rain.
Oct 6 · 237
You’re Keeping me up
Emilia B Oct 6
I say i don't want you in my life
but you keep me up all night
and i know why
but i rather die than feel that way inside.
all that feeling has done is consume my heart and mind. Tearing open the void inside.
Oct 6 · 465
Untitled
Emilia B Oct 6
Don’t tell me you love me
I’m stuck in between
Cause i don't feel a thing.
Sep 9 · 395
:’(
Emilia B Sep 9
I hid my feelings so deep
That I can’t find them anymore

My heart is straining with every beat
It feels so sore

I’m giving with all I have left to lose

   I can’t do this anymore.
Sep 9 · 70
Short & sweet
Emilia B Sep 9
Pathetic romantic
That is me
I want something out of reach
All I’m getting is short & sweet
But it always ends sour.

It’s ******* boring.
Sep 8 · 264
With me.
Emilia B Sep 8
If you can’t handle a heart like mine
Don’t waste my time.

I’m suffering
can’t you see
So don’t waste your time with me.
Sep 2 · 182
More
Emilia B Sep 2
I lost myself for you
There’s nothing I could do
Breathe me in,
like the music you listen to.

I’d give you my love
But even that wouldn’t be enough.  

I’m tired of falling for,
Hearts, that always want more.
Aug 19 · 716
Under the same sky.
Emilia B Aug 19
You don’t see me the same way as you used to,
And it’s all because of me,
I wanted too much too quickly
I wanted you to want me.

It was just such a rare feeling
So I knew it was real
Out of everyone I had met
You made my heart heal

I didn’t know how to feel
I didn’t know why
But I guess... it’s okay
Atleast were under the same sky.
Aug 18 · 144
Do you remember?
Emilia B Aug 18
Do you remember
When we used to talk everyday
I thought we were something
But All along, I was the only one who’d stay.

Did I miss something
That you said
Or am I thinking too much
Whilst laying in bed

I wish I never met you
And was all alone like I am right now
but this time
Without you trapped inside of my head.
Aug 16 · 388
Best Mistake
Emilia B Aug 16
I wish to go back
I’ve done many things wrong
Loving you being one

I don’t want to have met you
But I’m glad i did
But it’s tearing me up inside
That you didn’t want me.
Jul 29 · 164
When.
Emilia B Jul 29
When will I hear it
The voice from the flames

When will I see it
The sky with the stars

When will I feel it
The heart with a beat

I know I’ll hear, see and feel it all
When we are to meet.
Jul 28 · 82
Where
Emilia B Jul 28
Alone in my room
You left me

You’re with her
I’m nobody

Sinking in the abyss
Where are you

Now you’re knocking on my door
Where is she

You’re still knocking
It’s too late

I Drowned in my blood & tears
Where were you
You left again and again, from her to me, I did nothing but love you, I hope you’re happy
Jul 28 · 87
I’m happy for you
Emilia B Jul 28
Ease the suffering
Just hold my hand
But you’ve already left
And I understand
Why you chose to love another
Luck was never on my side
When will it end
From loneliness I hide
Jun 13 · 168
I always spill
Emilia B Jun 13
Let me under your skin
Let’s share our sins

Why won’t you look into my eyes
Are you scared to fall
I’m tired of trying to keep the water warm
Trying to stop my heart from overflowing

But when I think of you
I always spill
Balancing a cup full of tears
I can’t let you know
How much you hurt me so
I can’t do this forever
I’ll always spill
You don’t want to push someone away with your thoughts and emotions
Jun 6 · 126
Lost Souls
Emilia B Jun 6
I see an ocean of lost souls
faceless bodies floating
lifting in waves
grey figures leading to no shore
they're stuck
trapped in this, something
it makes me emotional
it makes my want to cry
perhaps this is where we go
if we are to die?
Jun 5 · 305
Free
Emilia B Jun 5
Walking along the dunes
Shells in my hand
Kicking little rocks
Sticking out of the sand.

Wind rippling through my shirt
Sun stroking my cheek
Looking out to the sunset, upon the sea
It's Freedom that I seek.
Jun 2 · 314
Anything for You.
Emilia B Jun 2
call me insane
Im a fool for pain
I deserve it
only a touch of my love remains

my heart paces for you
but id rather be your friend than nothing at all
if it was between you and me,
i'd choose for myself to fall.
May 28 · 93
Demons
Emilia B May 28
There’s a permanent pounding
In my head
Like a knock on the door
also coming from the floor
Following me everywhere I walk
It only gets louder when I talk
I try to ignore it
The voices everywhere
But when I do they turn into ghosts
And start pulling on my hair
I can’t escape my demons
I guess I’ll learn to live...
May 28 · 205
Still.
Emilia B May 28
How do I explain
In words
My pain
It hurts
To contain
My feelings, In my head
From my eyes I bled
Face in red
I wish I was still,
And dead instead.
May 28 · 81
I waited
Emilia B May 28
It’s raining
The air is damp
I’m waiting for you underneath the lamp
You should see me in a black raincoat
soaking wet hair
Looking down at scattered puddles everywhere
But you didn’t see
Because you didn’t show up
You’re at home drinking hot tea from my cup

It’s not your fault for not being there
It’s mine for thinking you would be
They don’t care because they know you will wait forever
May 28 · 72
HurtHeartBeat
Emilia B May 28
No one will ever care like I do
I’ve given up.
No one will ever care like I did
You can’t hurt me now.
Does your heart ache when someone you care about so much couldn’t care less. Or at all.
May 27 · 336
Lost
Emilia B May 27
Life isn’t so scary
When you have nothing left to lose
When you’re alone
When the light is running out from your fuse
You’re collapsing
Shutting down
Where’s the life left in you
It’s roaming around
Looking for someone worthy
To grow into
When you’ve lost just about everything
Emilia B May 14
my life was built brittle,
as if wooden.
A simple toy, without a full set.
What remains, will fragment

But if I left this earth
my mum would be a mother to a ghost.

I'm a burden, a parasite held in embrace
my heart, mind and soul are all derelict.
Poor, abandoned, neglected...
but all at the same time as being used.
May 14 · 92
nothing.
Emilia B May 14
My heart is hollow
no more will I mend and maintain

Let it turn to rust
the shards will scatter
forgotten, left smothered in dust

The thick black clouds are expanding
I am no longer able to see the walls of my mind.
A hurricane swirling around my heart
no more love for you to find.
May 14 · 83
i should have done it
Emilia B May 14
why is death portrayed as a negative
to be still is to be peaceful
how I wish for silence from my mind
to be static

I am an unfortunate without an escape
I don't belong here
I am not in the right place
I am errant


but then you think of the burden youd bring upon your family
im a burden both dead and alive.
May 10 · 201
DestrUction
Emilia B May 10
How did chaos arise from such perfection?

The world still spins
But when I look at you
it stops.
Time stands still.
I can hear my heart.
Feel the thrill.
May 10 · 334
I Can’t Do This
Emilia B May 10
Some days
You just aren’t ready for the sun to blaze
Lazy days
Close the curtain go back to sleep
Falling into abyss
Counting sheep
May 7 · 100
I’m sorry
Emilia B May 7
Don’t talk to me
I’ll only break your heart
As mine only beats for one
But I’ll still lead you on
As the thought of someone loving me is a crave
Though I only crave it from one
May 7 · 182
Come back
Emilia B May 7
I can’t get over you
Though there’s nothing I can do
To make you want me
The same way I want you
I look for you in other boys
I hold their hand
And it feels right
Until I realise it isn’t yours
The left side of my heart wants it to be
The right side thinks it is
But it never will be
May 7 · 718
I can’t breathe
Emilia B May 7
Inhaling my sorrows and secrets
My lack of will to live
To love and cry

Falling apart
I feel it in my heart

When do I get to exhale
Apr 27 · 482
Solitude
Emilia B Apr 27
my soul, is a void
that will shrink up inside me
I am close to losing myself entirely.

I look into the mirror
just a hollow spirit
with a solitary soul trapped inside me.
Apr 27 · 99
RED
Emilia B Apr 27
RED
Sedentary on the bench in the back garden
for the final hours of the day
the time in the evening when the sun disappears
and daylight fades away
still, looking out into the stark horizon
watching the colours change in the sky
from blue to red and cloudy
just like my eyes.

so silent, deep in thought
the beating of my heart
in sync with my tears as they fall from my cheek,
that turn into razor blades that fall upon my skin
in every drop lies a story
I find the bench starting to float
as the garden is flooded from the tears I shed,
by how much I bled,
the garden turned from green to red.
Apr 14 · 141
Replaceable
Emilia B Apr 14
Please tell me i'm not as forgettable
as your silence is making me feel
listlessness in conversation
The white sky, blank. Sour air.
No emotion, no feeling

The rustling of the music on the radio
voices coming in and out of frequency
almost like the faint voices of myself in my ear
calling, begging for me to get over it.

I thought we were tessellated,
but were both a handful of hexagons
that just don't sit right.

The days are going so slow,
but my heart is beating so fast,
thinking about us.

The truth is,
you could break my heart in two,
but when it heals it beats for you.
Because love defines all,
everyone needs love,
you would let yourself get hurt
go beyond and above
over and over again just to prove to yourself
that they are for you,
just accept it!

...But its not for me to say stop trying,
because if he came back i would most certainly
lay my clothes down for him to walk over.
He is precious.
And he knows it.
Apr 14 · 460
I still think about you
Emilia B Apr 14
Should I care
should I not
look in your eyes
deep in thought

Feel your touch
On my skin
But now you're gone
All I feel is my sin

Of loving


if we never speak again atleast i told you about how i felt,
how much i love you
your mind
your mind
now i'm left behind
leaving the thought
of you touching my skin on my mind

Not a part of your heart anymore
mines sinking from the inside
i'm torn

I'm sore
so sore
how will i love anymore
Apr 13 · 350
Sugar
Emilia B Apr 13
I ****** in the streets
with my eyes
and my smile
it's an instinct if i haven't loved in a while

it's the most amusing
-to me, to tease
over-aged men
because i know they'll never see me again

Their sick minds of lust
they were left
they're alone
drinking lager, jacking off
to **** Hub on their phone

They should know better than to wink at the minor in the street.
Its gut wrenching to see
how many freaks you never really meet.
Apr 13 · 77
Need But Cant Have
Emilia B Apr 13
I'd like to love again
but you don't understand me
nobody does
but that's okay
i don't expect you to
i'm not mad
perhaps very sad
but only at myself

my love is odd
love is legacy.
Apr 13 · 197
why{end}
Emilia B Apr 13
How do you manage
to make my life a living hell
but still,
become the sun on my perfect days
and the moon on my sleepless nights.

I was so scared to confront the realisation of my use
in your life
was none.
Apr 13 · 120
Why
Emilia B Apr 13
Why
I went out of my way
Wasted my day
Just to make sure you were okay

I have feelings
It seems you don’t
It feels like you’ve shoved a knife down my throat

You said lets stop talking
Right after I gave you advice
It seems like I had no other reason in your life

I wanted to ask why but didn’t want to be a pain
But now theres so many thoughts going through my brain
What did I do
Is it me or you
No ******* reason just give me a clue

Why do I always let this happen
To myself and my heart
Why me of all people did you have to tear apart
You know what ive been through
You knew that I was scared
Gave me **** saying I was pretending that I cared

I genuinely did
But now I know that I shouldn’t
If I knew this would happen
Obviously I wouldn’t

I poured myself out to you
My heart just froze
I felt It fall to pieces
Like petals from a rose

My eyes went cloudy
I suddenly stopped breathing
I cant believe
After all that
You said that you’re leaving

You’re so selfish
But in a way I understand
You fell through my fingers,
like bitter sand.
Apr 13 · 92
Numb
Emilia B Apr 13
I look in the mirror
Times standing still
I notice my eyes, with tears start to fill.

One finger tapping on the counter
I’m biting on my cheek
Suddenly I feel my knees, starting to go weak.

Im breathing in strange patterns
My nostrils flaring
I snap out, and realise that I’m still staring,
Into the eyes of who I wish was never born
Thinking about if I were to leave
Who would be the first to mourn.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so numb
But is it a feeling, If I feel nothing
When I say I feel okay
I’m most likely bluffing,

My blood I feel rushing
Filling up my cheeks
I’m ashamed of myself
I haven’t left the house in weeks.

Get a grip
People have it worse
I rather be in their shoes
Than my brain be smothered in this curse.



You say I’m over exaggerating
I say you don’t know me
All I ever wanted was to just feel ******* free.
Apr 13 · 74
For You
Emilia B Apr 13
I really hope you’ll understand
That sometimes my words don’t come out as planned
I stutter and lisp as I say what I feel
Why was it my heart
That you had to steal.

I’m sorry that I’m so inconvenient
I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart
A lot of the time I wish, from the world
I was apart

I’m as disappointing as an empty wallet
But people give up so easily
If your name was as long as the universe
I’d still be happy to call it.

But you’ll give up on me
For you it’s too much to even smile
But I hope you know
That for you I’d crawl much more than a mile.
Apr 13 · 87
Bleh
Emilia B Apr 13
Every time I stare into my reflection
Blood starts to surface
I’m not one to be offended by rejection
But the reflection refuses my stance
I’d call myself an infection
The hairs on my neck start to dance.

I feel like an outcast from the world
I'm definitely there
But no one seems to care
Just because you can’t see me
It doesn’t mean i'm not there
I'm like the stars in the daylight
But you can see me clearly In the dark night
Isn’t it ironic the way I express
My mind feels blank but at the same time i'm a mess.
Apr 13 · 303
Sad
Emilia B Apr 13
Sad
Body is weak
Hard to think
Water is deep
Try not sink

I project what we could be
In the depths of my mind
I wish you could see
What you’re able to find

You don’t need me
You want me
All just because you’re lonely

You romanticize my mental state
You think that its cool
To suffer from hate
Chemical imbalance you claim to understand
But when it comes to my pain
You seem so offhand.
Apr 12 · 156
Little Nightmares
Emilia B Apr 12
if you were to go to the beach,
into the sea,
far out
further, further.
place your head under the water and listen out
for the sounds of chains that seem so close,
that you could grab on and use as support to float
but really they're far far out, your eyes cant even see,
rusty chains grinding off one another, sour.

the sound seems so familiar
perhaps the time you tried to drown
your head slowly sliding under the water in the bathtub
holding your breath
thinking of nothing
but the sound of the pipes remind you of that video game you played, the one that made you curious

that in fact saved your life, the story you wanted to play over and over.
as every time you played you discovered something new.
it's beautiful, the theme song as your lullaby


maybe i was looking for an excuse to live,
the only thing that saved me was that video game.
Apr 12 · 287
Porridge
Emilia B Apr 12
A day goes by
It's an empty home
All you can hear is the buzzing of my phone


Cold bowl of porridge
That saw the whole thing
Saw me step on the bed
Saw my body swing


It saw my brother walk in
To ask if i was crying
Two hours before my body was dying


It saw my mother fall to her knees
Who prayed and pleased
That my body wasn't fully deceased


But so it was
I was gone from the pain
Just like that
It started to rain


My corpse was very much like that bowl of porridge
It went from soft to hard
From hot to cold
My body went from young to old


Now my room is just filled with broken dreams
That could've been
If only they'd seen
How my heart was in pain
And my mind that is,
was, screaming.
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