Every time I stare into my reflection
Blood starts to surface
I’m not one to be offended by rejection
But the reflection refuses my stance
I’d call myself an infection
The hairs on my neck start to dance.

I feel like an outcast from the world
I'm definitely there
But no one seems to care
Just because you can’t see me
It doesn’t mean i'm not there
I'm like the stars in the daylight
But you can see me clearly In the dark night
Isn’t it ironic the way I express
My mind feels blank but at the same time i'm a mess.

Body is weak
Hard to think
Water is deep
Try not sink

I project what we could be
In the depths of my mind
I wish you could see
What you’re able to find

You don’t need me
You want me
All just because you’re lonely

You romanticize my mental state
You think that its cool
To suffer from hate
Chemical imbalance you claim to understand
But when it comes to my pain
You seem so offhand.

if you were to go to the beach,
into the sea,
far out
further, further.
place your head under the water and listen out
for the sounds of chains that seem so close,
that you could grab on and use as support to float
but really they're far far out, your eyes cant even see,
rusty chains grinding off one another, sour.

the sound seems so familiar
perhaps the time you tried to drown
your head slowly sliding under the water in the bathtub
holding your breath
thinking of nothing
but the sound of the pipes remind you of that video game you played, the one that made you curious

that in fact saved your life, the story you wanted to play over and over.
as every time you played you discovered something new.
it's beautiful, the theme song as your lullaby


maybe i was looking for an excuse to live,
the only thing that saved me was that video game.

A day goes by
It's an empty home
All you can hear is the buzzing of my phone


Cold bowl of porridge
That saw the whole thing
Saw me step on the bed
Saw my body swing


It saw my brother walk in
To ask if i was crying
Two hours before my body was dying


It saw my mother fall to her knees
Who prayed and pleased
That my body wasn't fully deceased


But so it was
I was gone from the pain
Just like that
It started to rain


My corpse was very much like that bowl of porridge
It went from soft to hard
From hot to cold
My body went from young to old


Now my room is just filled with broken dreams
That could've been
If only they'd seen
How my heart was in pain
And my mind that is,
was, screaming.

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Is there anything I can do to make you stay
Perhaps a way
Where I don’t need to undress, or impress
Some way, where I don’t have to stress

I can show you my love in other ways but lust
You set my heart on fire, blew the ashes away like dust
Ill give you all the love I have left in my hands
The fragile pieces I picked up, I found across the land

Although my hearts in ashes
The roaring flame burns bright
The match is still alight
It comes to use when it’s cold at night

Love can make you warm
Lust makes you unclean
When you tell me you love me
What do you really mean?

Ill go to sleep, close my eyes
Dream of broken fireflies
I cant see in this field of black
Ive gone too far now, I cant go back.

Watching where I stand
I cant be still
Or I sink into the sand
My shoes they start to fill.

My feet become heavy,
Its becoming harder to walk
Id shout and scream if I could even talk.

Long grass im grasping
Lifting up my knee
if only the fireflies weren’t broken
id be able to see

without their fire theyre just flies
they are my guidance and my eyes
without my heart im as useless
as Pinocchio’s nose without his lies

I feel the wind brush again my cheek
The whisper of the banshee feels quite weak
But when she screams
I hope to wake up from this dream
as dreams are more real as they seem.



Though I only see black
I picture in my head
The banshees mouth opening wide
Off my fears she fed.

Her scream was as loud
As a close truck horn
The cry from a baby, as soon as its born

My ear drums thumping
My skin feels torn
I was faced with her violence
There I stand, in the deafening silence.

I feel so psychotic
It’s a strange feeling
I hate having these episodes
No one finds it appealing.

Im brushing my fingers over ****** scars
Licking my sad blood
Im seeing stars
My eyes are starting to flood

I feel so bruised
My mind im starting to lose
If I wasn’t in your life
Youd have no one left to use

Im behaving as if a battery has fallen, out my works
Im acting half sane
I cant decide if im happy or if im in pain.

Why were you so obsessive
Why did you control
You used my body, broke my heart,
And washed away my soul.

How will I ever trust,
Another man again
If they’re messing with my feelings
How can I call them men

Tell me what I want to hear
Tell me that youll stay
Even though I know youll be gone
by the end of the day.

You cant just leave
Then a month later walk back in
Im trying to move on
From the pain you put me in.

You know I’ll be here waiting
You don’t know that’s what you think
You asked me to come over and stay
And that you’ll buy me a drink

So you can take advantage
Knowing I’m not sober
I wish you never messaged me a month later in October

I refuse your ‘offer’
You can’t walk over me
Just a pretty face, ugly personality.

As petals fall from the rose in my room
I lie shiftless not a clue what to do
The pillars of loneliness
I have one for each day,
Slowly the cement crumbles away.

Staring blankly at the corner of my room
When I think of nothing weary eyes
But when I think of you time flies,
I’d love to see you even if it was to say goodbye.

Head out the window incredible view
Though I’d rather see it with you
Clear sky breath of fresh air
But I don’t seem as happy when you’re not there.