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 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Best way to die
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Hey Mr, Could you tell me
Whats the best way to die?
There are so many different reasons
I don't know which one to try

Should I, Slit my wrists in a vertical direction
Watch the blood drip down, As a desperate need for affection
The blood draining from my body to surround me in a crimson red, would I finally then feel happiness spread

Should I, Overdose on drugs? Illegal or Prescription?
Feel the nausea and vomiting decay my body, As nobody ever listened.

Should I, Drown myself in the bathtub? Or the pool to make it public
The crushing pressure of my lungs collapsing, As if i am absolutely nothing. A burning feeling will spread through my chest as if I am to burst
But dont look down into the depth cause surely you'll feel worse

Should I, Step onto the highway? With all the cars at top speed
Allow the pain of my bones breaking, As I only wanted to be needed
The impact could still render me alive, But in a world of agonising pain, then everything I had done will surely be in vain

Should I, Light myself on fire? Or torch me and my home
Let the searing flesh melt off of me, As I was always left alone
They will hear my screams for miles to come, but know that it was me
As my charred corpse will remain, forever left unseen

Should I, Hang myself in the closet? Let my mother find me dead
Feel the tightening rope cut short my breath, As nobody heard what I said. My limp blue body will dangle down with a note left by my bed

Should I, Jump off a high building? A tall place with strong winds
For a moment I can fly away, before I splatter across the ground leaving nothing but my outline and some red

Should I, Shoot myself in the head? Allow myself to pull the trigger
A gunshot will echo, I'll fall to the ground, Then I would finally be dead.
I wouldn't feel a single thing just the hurt of those before me
It would be instant and over in a second, that way their tears wont bore me

So Mr, Could you tell me
The best way that I can die?
You've played this game before
So hurry there is no need to lie

Hey Mr,
Its not like you actually care
Whether I personally live or die
So hurry up and tell me
As he's waiting for me in the afterlife
What is the best way to die?
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx

A room of pure darkness
Lit only by the silver screen
Rows of people sit
All watching the same scene

In the final row we sat
A boy to my right
A Girl to my left
holding my hands tight

The movie begins, all at the edge of our seats
As the movie proceeds, Our happiness deceased
As we reach the end, With the conclusion drawing near
We all sit there shocked, Completely in tears

Our hands tightening, As another disappears
Sweat forming between our palms, As we feel more fear
Knees tucked up tight, You look like an idiot
A sobbing mess you were, But to you this was serious

Your hand covering your mouth, As the salty streams run down your cheeks
Attempting to hold back the sobs that were echoing throughout the cinema
The front few rows all turning around to look, You could hear them giggling
The most heartbreaking scene, Their amused stares were belittling

When the credits begin to roll, You were still shaken up
I also teared up, But I wasn't nearly as bad as you
Rubbing your back to sooth you, To help you relax
While laughing at you, Because you cried to the max

Giving you a hug, You buried your head into my shoulder
This was really quite amusing, As you were so much older
You then throwing a fit, yelling
How can the film makers do this!
At this point we were all laughing at you
Calm down
It was only a movie
Went to see infinity war and by the end of it my friend was gripping my hand and full on sobbing, He was so upset by the ending.
As sad as it was, Just remembering his reaction makes me laugh
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
hurt me
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx

I gave you the power to destroy me
To make me tremble at your feet
I'll allow you to rip out my heart
And watch it as it bleeds

I'll let you use me
Time and time again
To make you feel a little better
So you can make it to the end

You can throw me away like yesterdays trash
When I am no longer of any use
Unrequited and useless to you
You can tighten the noose

You can light me on fire
Tear away at my flesh
Let my screams be heard
As the pain is raw and fresh

You can do anything you want
As I am helpless to stop you
For I gave you this power
From the beginning I knew

You torment me
Without batting an eye
But I'll bare through this torture
Just for this one special guy

Love is such a foolish thing
But then again I am a Fool
The consequences of falling in love
Are really far too cruel

Although I know all of this
I'll do it, Just for you
So I'll let you hurt me all you want
In hopes you will love me too.


Hurt me
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Thats what hell is
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Hell is loving you in my sleep
Filling my dreams and mind with only you
Your very existence bringing me overwhelming happiness
Loving you with all my might
And when I finally have you in my arms
I'll wake up all alone.
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Maybe
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Maybe I can rewrite time
Change who i really am
Become a new person
Everyone will be like ****

Maybe I can fix myself
Paint my face with bright colours
Makeup does the trick
The boys will get flutters

Maybe I can become more wanted
By losing a bunch of weight
Going to the gym weekly
I could even get a date

Maybe I can change my style
Become beautiful and bright
Updating my closet
I could light up the night

Maybe I could become more intelligent
By studying a lot more
I could improve my grades
Then I wouldn't be as dumb as before

Maybe I can change my personality
Make it perfect and right
then everyone will love me
They would be filled with delight

Maybe I should learn to accept
That I can't change who I am
No makeup nor items of clothing
Can distinguish who I am

For I am, me
With all the faults and scars
Nobody is perfect
We are just one of a million stars

So maybe in the end
I can wish and hope with all my might
But even if i did change all these things about me
I doubt that I could ever be satisfied
As acceptance is the true key
There are so many things I want to change about myself but then if i did become perfect, What would be left of the real me?
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Wanted
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
I'm walking through the days
Feeling nothing at all
I'm not sure how long ive been like this
I cant seem to recall

Its quite odd you see
As it doesnt bother me
Its just a void of nothing
Is it just being carefree?

I'm not hot
I'm not cold
I'm not sad
I'm not happy
I'm not depressed
I'm not broken


Its just nothing

I don't understand
How a person can be so empty
I smile and laugh, I cry and scream
I do all those normal things
And everyone believes
What good does that bring?
That I can put on a show
I'm like a robot learning human movements  
No matter what, there is room for improvement

I'm a shell of a person
A shadow of who I am
Am I meant to feel emotions
Am I meant to know who I am
Because its really quite odd
Learning all these actions
For everything thing that I do
Leads to human interactions

They say I am trustworthy
They say I am kind
They say that they know me
So why do they lie

You're the only one I trust
Thats not true
I won't tell anyone
Its obvious you will
You understand better then anyone
I really don't
I need you
No you don't
Stay with me
I'll do my best

I Love you
You're feeding me words laced with poison

The pain, the hurt, the happiness
The anger, the betrayal, the lies
But knowing everything
I still do nothing
I merely watch.
Tying my own hands
Securing them behind my back
I feel and see everything.
But these feelings are not mine

I'm lost within myself
I know no other life
I forget my own problems
By taking on someone else's life

So where are my own feelings?
Where are my problems?
Where are all the things that make me human?
For I have nothing, Nothing on my own
I'm just an empty void

I sold everything
For the need to be W A N T E D.
I'm myself but I'm not
This is who I am
I ignore my own problems by focusing on others
Its not healthy but its the way I work
I have been at it for so long that without it
I feel nothing, Nothing at all
All of this just because I wanted to feel needed and wanted by other people
Its pretty pathetic if you ask me
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Trust in me
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Hold out your hand
Open your palm
Close your eyes
Remain calm

Trust in me
Let me guide your way
Allow me to remind you that
Everything is okay  

Face each day with your head held high
For Ill stand with you, always by your side
no matter what they say, no matter what they do
My loyalty will forever remain with you

So turn a blind eye to their snickers and snares
Mute their voices as the rumors air
Forget about them for nobody truly cares
You are your own person, don't bother with their complicated affairs

Your better off living with just me and you
As going through highschool makes anyone feel blue
The rumors, the lies, the tears you will cry
Its really not worth it, so dont bother to try

It may look like its all fun and games
Being so popular, they all know your name
But everything happeneds to come at a price
The cost is your happiness, are you willing to sacrifice?

keep on your toes if you do make this choice
every little secret and promise, they won't hesitate to voice
Your standing in a minefield, You will try to escape
But careful each move as we don't want you to break

Are you their new toy or a friend?
Its really hard to tell
But play your cards right
And it won't be complete hell

But why put yourself into such a gamble
Just for those "friends" that are particularly fragile
Who needs that popularity and all of those parties
They are merely a congress of dressed up barbies

So keep your peaceful life as it is now
Friends you can trust, life so carefree
No matter what you face,
You will still have me

So blend back in, live a normal life
You don't need to pretend to live a happy life
Acting skills aren't required when surrounded by real friends
So stop, Don't pretend.

Dont worry about them
what the people have to say
Its me and you together
No matter what I'll stay

I'll help fight your battles
I'll help lead the way
You don't need to change yourself
Because of things that they say

I love you so much
More then the stars in the sky
So trust in me
As I wouldn't dare to lie
You're perfect the way that you are
There is no need to change to be like the rest
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx

Unscrewing the sharpener
Removing the blade
The cool clean metal
Makes me feel less afraid

Inspecting the metallic silver
That could end all my pain
I take a deep breath
Before finding a vein

A hidden cut lies
Among all my burns
Nobody will notices
No heads will turn

The blood welling up
Dripping down my arm
I can feel my thoughts loosen
Ive let down my guard

The door sealed closed
Music blaring in the back
I've stooped so low
It seems I've finally cracked

I've cried and I've screamed
My voice stuck on mute
My depression has returned
I'm still stuck in a loop

There's nothing to be sad over
There's no reason to cry
Just keep your head up
Just look to the sky

In time it will pass
I swear you'll be okay
A voice in my mind
Continues to say

But what if I can't?
Can't handle the pain
Not this time, Not again
Its all in vain

Its finally all happened
I let the last petal drop
But still a tiny little voice
Still screams for me to stop

But it seems I can't stop
This addiction to blood
I feel myself fall
It all ends with a Thud
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx
Bad Guy
 May 2018 Dev
Nyx

We fight like cats and dogs
That we know is true
But this time is different
This is our final Que

I will admit I am wrong
I've overreacted, I did
I instantly assumed the worse
I treated you like a kid

I understand where your coming from
You only had the best thoughts in mind
I can't fault you for what you did
I shouldn't have been so blind

For this time I am in the wrong
This time I aren't to be forgiven
Because I wrote a poem
To which by anger, I was driven

But its clear this fight
Isn't like the rest
Its not in black and white
As our rawest emotions have been expressed
Which is causing quite alot of distress  

This fight isn't just because of what happened
Its not because of what I just did
Its clear that our built up emotions caused this
This is just the tipping point
Of all those things that we hid

This time is really quite different
We wont forgive and forget
Because I was wrong but so were you
But now all that I'm saying seems like a threat

This time we were both in the wrong
And so is everyone involved
Don't get me wrong
I don't expect you to come running back
I never once did
Just wanted to inform you
I understand your point
But mine were also quite valid

So maybe now isn't the time
That the two should be together
For future reference maybe some day
We can possibly make things better

So I guess this is our final goodbye
As we are neither ready to come back and try
For our fates and selves, have brought this upon us
So in the end, Its funny that
both of us are trying to play the bad guy.
I was planning to post this yesterday but we were both consumed with hurt and anger still
But I believe that this needs to be said
I understand you're point of view and I was mostly in the wrong, and I know sorry isn't what you want to hear, So I'll stay silent and leave you alone.
I believe its best that we had time apart
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