I am broken,
Come name your price

Hidden in the shelter
of a lonely life

Come choose your savage
See their perfect disguise

You could never love me
Cause I live in these lies

I am damaged goods
I’m misunderstood

I come in the perfect packaging
Wrapped up in severed ties

Stamped with a sticker on top
Come, name your price.

I am damaged goods
I am damaged goods
I am damaged goods.

I am lonely
In this sea of maddening sounds

I am hurt
From those people who aren’t around

I break my happiness
At every chance I get

And then I’ll ask myself
Why I feel so depressed

I am damaged goods
I’m misunderstood

I come in the perfect packaging
Wrapped up in severed ties

Stamped with a sticker on top
Come, name your price.

I am damaged goods
I am damaged goods
I am damaged goods.

I can’t get out
Fromt this crippling doubt

I feel so empty without
You there beside me

I need somewhere to go
Somewhere in the great unknown

Somewhere I can be alone

I am damaged goods
I’m misunderstood

I am damaged goods
I’m misunderstood

I come in the perfect packaging
Wrapped up in severed ties

Stamped with a sticker on top
Come, name your price.

I am damaged goods
I am damaged goods
I am damaged goods.

a striking slice along the creamy white
freckle galaxy that is my thighs

is this what i've become?

a dab of crimson, slow pour at first
then a scarlet waterfall, perfect picture of my pain.

why did i do this

throbbing pain, dulling my senses
my mind is numb, almost at ease.

it hurts, i knew it would

gently easing cotton over wound,
bittersweet burgundy blood, feeding into pristine purity

what have i done

I just want to disappear into nothingness
So nothing can hurt me again

My heart bleeds colours
but not the way you'd think
it drips

R
       A
                I
                        N
                    ­             B
                                       O
                                              W
               ­                                        S

through my veins
a
CACOPHANY
a
SYMPHONY
a
disdainful loss of my dignity.






Yes, my heart bleeds colours
I can no longer wear it on my sleeve
for all to see
the dazzling display that leaks



For such a heart as mine,
that appears so vividly black
I find it quite amusing,
for there certainly is a lack of

FEELING
and
EMOTION
coursing through my veins

and yet when it bleeds
THE COLOURS FLOW AGAIN

I've blue and yellow, mix to make green
Pink and purple
make the circle,
a full rainbow it would seem

Oh my heart bleeds colours
I am now no longer clean
for all my colours have started
seeping out my seams.

You aren’t fair.
You tease me.
You flirt.
You say that I’m beautiful.
You touch your forehead to mine.
You make me feel like it’s happening.
And then...
****. Gone. Outtie.
Why does no one love you
Is your most favourite question
Why won’t anyone date you
Is obviously second best
And you ask me these constantly
And to my answers I do attest
No one loves you cos you won’t let them.
No one dates you because you're on guard.
And I’ll stroke your head real gentle,
Im showing you my hand in this game of cards.
I’m laying it all out in everything
And you tease and flirt all the same
I’m not joking anymore
I don’t know how long I can play this game.
Because you’re breaking the rules and you know it
And now I’m really tired
Of staying awake at 2.47 am
Because you’re not fair
And you’re keeping me awake

IT HURTS.

IT HURTS SO MUCH I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

I just wanted you

but I can't make you want me

if you don't want to

Self deprecation:

the act of reprimanding oneself by
belittling, undervaluing, or
disparaging oneself,
or being excessively modest.

It can be used in humour and tension release.


It's a breath of fresh air to see someone whose ego isn't the size of a hot air balloon

But maybe you shouldn't put yourself down so much

Oh god, not this again

It's not really funny anymore, it's just a bit sad

Are you okay? That was a little dark

Forgive me, I didn't realise you were allowed to express your emotions to me and not the other way around

God you really ******* it this time


-

Is my body an issue?
Is it impossible to be loved the way I am?
With these voluminous waves
of body “for days”
Am I unlovable or is that absurd?

Is my personality an issue?
Is it too hard to love me as I am?
With this overachieving persona,
Am I just a effervescent loner?
Am I unlovable or is that ridiculous?

Is my face an issue?
Is it just too much effort to love me?
With these battle scars of adolescence,
Painted with the wrong message,
Am I unlovable or is that just pathetic?

You are 6 ft tall barely,
Already feeling broken,
haven't even had your first "real date."
Forgive me, I've misspoken.

You took her to a movie once,
You made her want to run,
Because she finally realised
I was the smoking gun.

I was one real reason,
bet you'd hate me if you knew.
Our newly ignited friendship?
Don't be kind, we'd be through.

Your words have too much impact,
You think things far too deep.
Your feelings have not subsided,
They haven't. Not in the least.

You say your mantra again
All thats happened, I'm above
If that is actually true,
Why do you still refer to her love?

Your heart is too invested,
I guess you're not for me.
For I was never going to accept
her seconds willingly.

Perhaps one far-off day,
When I'm comfortable with myself,
I'll remember these days,
And take my feelings off the shelf.

Your flaws run deep,
Like the valleys through your face.
But do not look at that with your
Aging eyes
For all you will see is your
Slowly creeping demise.

Look with me,
At your wondrous face,
Can’t you see?
There’s not a thing out of place.


Your emerald green orbs light up with a spark
Your greying hair, is luxurious and still maintains the dark
That you wore as an oh so youthful teen
Before you married, when you were living the dream.

Though losing its marbles, your mind remains sharp,
You sit here with me, creating art
And everyone else, you seem to have lost,
Their cheerful interactions now met with frost.

You tell me you’re worried, that I’m to be next
That you won’t remember me after the fix
Your shaky hands move towards mine
In an attempt for comfort in desperate times

Because time is now slowly running out
And I believe in you, but I have my doubts
So we knit and we knit and then we crotchet
And when day time tv is on we pretend we’re okay

And then the one day I made plans to hang out with my friends instead of visiting you,
It was the very day I lost you.


September 18 2015 5:47 pm


The time I got the call.
I wasn’t there for you at all.
I knew you weren’t well that day.
And I still decided to stay away.

The last day of the school term, I thought you were fine
I truly believed we had more time.
Turns out even if I wished, I still was wrong.
I should’ve stuck with you all the way along.

I never got to tell you, that very day,
That despite the disease, you were beautiful in every way.
Though your flaws run deep, just like a valley,
To me, in my formative years, you were my greatest ally.

I can't remember much this morning,
I had my headphones in,
jamming to my favourite songs,
And my hair was flowing like waves in the wind

And I saw you, about 20 feet away.
And I still don't quite remember it lucidly.
You barely waved,
And I practically ignored you.

The whole day,
I put up with these imbeciles
Your eye looks gross, are you going to go blind?
People are idiots

But then, as I fell to the ground laughing,
you caught my eye.
I felt like we had communicated in that moment,
with your confused smile and crinkly eyes.

And then we didnt talk.
You didn't come over,
neither did I.
We just didnt talk.

It was like I was meant to be there,
even though I wasnt
Like i was there for me this time,
not for you.

But I felt too ashamed to talk,
you seemed to have forgotten
our conversation last night
And I didn't want to bring it up.

I'm glad I can now lean on you,
the way you leant on me.
I'm glad that we're friends now,
but I still feel like I'm on thin ice.

I'm sorry for ignoring you
I'm sorry for not being there for you
I'm sorry for not 'being myself'
I'm sorry for bringing you down
I'm sorry for everything you don't understand
I'm sorry for everything I don't understand
I'm sorry for being belligerent
I'm sorry for annoying you
I'm sorry for bothering you
I'm sorry for being sorry
I'm sorry for always saying sorry
I'm sorry for everything here on out.

If indeed you were intent
on being real friends,
you have very little evidence
but your word to show it.

The only time we talk
is when I start the conversation
or you like the fact that my dads cake read:
"Happy Birthday, you old ****"

Even then, all I get is
Haha, thats brilliant
And what am I supposed to reply?
I don't want to look needy, so nothing.

Maybe if you took
your head out of your ***
And thought about what I've done,
and been there for you,

then you wouldn't be so rude.

She just wants to be loved
Sent all hope from high above
Eyes like a cavern
Hair like a cage
Open her book, turn the page.

Walk through the streets, see and smell the air
See its better up here than it is down there
See here you can be happy, here you are safe.
Here there are no mirrors screaming in your face

Be a little a better, must escape a little more
To feel a little better, means to feel nothing more
And if I should leave for there, I’ll leave a reason why
I’ll be the sun shining in your darkest sky

Daytime never ends, the streets are always empty.
People walking past, all these thoughts, they are so tempting
Let bubblegum girl lead you to where you want to go.
She’s travelled all these places, she knows all the roads

Run through the field, theres flowers everywhere
Moments passing by, no one has a moment to spare.
Let the breeze linger, trace some smiles with your finger
In a moment you’ll forget all the pain.

To be a little a better, must escape a little more
To feel a little better, means to feel nothing more
And if I should leave for there, I’ll leave a reason why
I’ll be the sun shining in your darkest sky

I was in love with a girl once,
she did all the things I wanted to,
she was braver than anyone else,
she was kind, smart, loyal.

She did crazy things,
Was rather outspoken
and every phrase that left
her supposedly "perfect" mouth was outlandish.

She would tell me her dreams,
we'd stay up all night texting,
and she would imagine our lives
together

But the thing about these people
who are perfect, yet completely insane
is that their insanity is toxic
and exposure to it can be too harmful for some

I fell in love with a girl,
she was beautiful, dazzling
All that wonderful sparkly ****.
But she was oh so toxic.

a week ago on sunday
i witnessed my brother marry
the love of his life

it rained

and it was beautiful

and it reminded me
that life is short
and wonderful

and maybe i should start

living instead of writing poems.

maybe i should start
taking wonderful opportunities
with you.

Nameless, but free.
Hair dyed an extraordinary shade of lilac,
sparkling a thousand which ways into the sun.
Like a diamond.

And yes, she was much like a diamond,
They make you believe that they're rare and expensive.
But really, there's millions of them.
They just want to feel special

Midsummer air, without a care
Dressed up to dance all night.

Strangers abound and one with a frown
That I longed to turn upright

"Let's dance and play pool, I'll look like a fool
But right now I really don't care"

He laughed and grinned, a true cardinal sin
And popped his fedora atop my hair.

After awhile, having seen his smile,
I began to really drink.

After not very long I was well and truly gone
And ran upstairs to the sink

Said to him hey, let's not call it a day
I've some tequila upstairs, I think.

After rummaging round, I tumbled down
The stairs and round the corner.

He took one sip, and upon his lip
Lay a smirk, "this is really great water"

if you love the wrong people,
                      
                          how can you expect them to
    


                 love you back?

I am trapped here,
within the confines
of you.

This metal cage
you have me locked in,
your protection...

It's smothering me,
killing me,
sending me to my grave.

You seem to have lost the key somewhere
in your belief that you are right.
and that I am wrong.

"live! live!" you cry, whilst
i sit here, dying.
because this is killing me

I could be cliche,
tell you why the caged bird sings,
because of her dreams and hopes.

that despite her hardships,
she's happy, because she
still can sing

but what good will it do
if the caged bird only lies
and cries in her bed at night
when no one can hear her

The truth is
the caged bird dies
every time, because
she never learns to fly.

I miss your dumb face
I miss your dumb hair
I miss your dumb laugh
I miss your dumb jokes
I miss your dumb eyes
I miss your dumb stare
I miss your dumb goodbyes
I miss your dumb hellos
I miss your dumb life

I miss you

Lets walk down the street
Why’d I lose it again?

You are killing me
Keep calling me your friend

And it hurts, it hurts,
It hurts my dear.
Cause I tried, I tried to
keep you near.

I tried to keep you close

But it all just got away from me
We all lost out to misery
I have to wonder why
It always ends this way

I’ll pass you by on my way to see
And you’ll look at me despondently
Because I, I let you down

And they’ll all say their piece on me
Saying Oh she’s such a drama queen
But I, I never meant to let you down

And it hurts, it hurts,
It hurts my dear.
Cause I tried, I tried to
keep you near

I tried to keep you close

But it all just got away from me
We all lost out to misery
I have to wonder why
It always ends this way

I lost myself somewhere along the way
Trying to be perfect for you
I lost myself somewhere along the way
Trying to be someone new


And it hurts, it hurts
It hurts my dear
Cause I tried I tried to
keep you near

I tried to keep you close

And it hurts, it hurts
It hurts my dear
Cause I tried I tried to
keep you near

I tried to lock you down.

But it all just got away from me
I sealed myself to misery
Trying to be you

I...kinda really like you,
I know that I shouldn’t.
You’re not into me,
it’s plain to see
We wouldn’t
Make such a great couple.
We’d constantly bicker and fight
But even still
You know I will
Hold your hands all through the night.
I...kinda really love you,
I have since that very day
I buried it down,
And never made sound,
So that our friendship remained the same.

But what am I to do,
When you hold me like this
With your hand so gently teasing mine.



It feels too serious

Do you feel the same?

I hesitate to hold your hand properly

In case you’re truly leading me on.

Do you feel the same?

I really feel awful, I must admit
That now I am avoiding you.
See, I am embarrassed- quite a bit
Because I’ve broken another promise to you.

But you must understand when I said I wanted a man,
I didn’t like myself.
And now that I do (or am at least trying to)
I really couldn’t give a ****

If you’ve got blue *****, I couldn’t care less
There’s incognito for that very purpose
If you’re sad and alone, go pick up the phone,
I know for certain there’s girls waiting for you.

But for now leave me be, allow me my peace
And stop blowing up my phone!!
Because I talked to you when I hated myself,
But now I know I deserve more than you

The words will come to me eventually.
I’ll hear them, see them, taste them,
As for now this pit in my stomach has rendered me completely and utterly senseless, devoid of feeling, emotion.
Devoid of words.
I grasp at straws and empty threats
Desperate to find something within myself.
Someone within myself.
I dream the most vivid dreams but
As soon as daylight crosses my face
And pries  my eyes open
It becomes void of colour
Of clarity.
Devoid of hope.
And I sit here in wait of something
Someone within myself
For as I am
I am a shell of a human being
Waiting for something to fill me with life
To give me purpose.
And I know the words will come eventually.
They always do.
I’ll be able to see them, hear them, touch them.
But they’ll be different.

I have learned that without light
All the things that hide inside
Would be gone
Is it wrong
To wanna lurk oh in the dark
To keep this torch without its spark

I grow tired of holding up this great facade
Lets dance around without our masks
And find who we are
Oh when the light turns off and all thats left is the dark

I wanna find equilibrium
I wanna see just who I’ve become
I wish that I could just go halfway
Cant choose between these pathways
It’s made me so numb
I wanna find equilibrium

What is love?
Can you honestly tell me?
For all I've found it to be over the years
is
late night calls
shutting out your family
shunning everything you liked about yourself
tearing petals off flowers
writing
creating
heartbreaking

I've never found it to be especially lovely
especially comforting
nor do i know anyone who has experienced the lovely thrill we love to love through the silver screen.

love love love love love love love love love love love

say it enough times
it wont even sound like a word anymore

feel it enough times
it won't even feel real anymore

You’re a distraction, nothing more
Don’t look at me like that
I don’t actually like you,
You’re just nice to look at.

A distraction.

A distraction.


Stop getting in my head
With your inside jokes,
And hidden smiles.
You stare too much into my eyes,
Or am I the one staring?

No, you’re a distraction.

This isn’t real.

I love him, not you.

You’re just a distraction.

Gently please,
handle with care.
if you play too hard,
I might get scared.

If you shake me too much,
my curls will undo
The color will drain from
my face, cause of you.

If you grab me too rough,
I will try to break free
I have had enough
of your misery.

If you hold me too tightly
afraid to let go,
I will run away
into the great unknown.

so please, I beg you,
I'll beg and I'll plead.
Handle me gently,
don't make me leave.

Lately I’ve been feeling lonely
Lately, been feeling so down
And they say that pride comes before the fall
And If so, we’re all gonna drown

They say that we are so broken
There’s just no hope for us now
And when the sky comes tumbling
My darling we’re all gonna drown

And they say this is the way
Should have worshipped that mighty man above
Should have prayed, should have stayed
Should’ve given all your faith
Before you decided on love

Lately I’ve been feeling angry
Lately been feeling so mad
And they mistake the way that I react oh darling
They all think that I’m sad

They say that I should mourn him
For I’ve lost all the light in my life
But this crown on my head hasn’t slipped my dear
So they’ll never realise my strife.

And they say this is the way
Should have worshipped that mighty man above
Should have prayed, should have stayed
Should’ve given all your faith
Before you decided on love

Lately I’ve been feeling lonely
Lately, been feeling so down.
And they say that pride comes before the fall,
And if so,
We’re all gonna drown.