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Oct 2020 · 38
Untitled
Dev Oct 2020
Alone on an island am I
Surrounded by my favourite things, and yet
it's a prison
I reach for inspiration, divination
instead finding isolation
a prison
of my memories,
my treasures, my luxuries,
how self-involved can i be?
How selfish can I be?
My problems in reality
are as small as i seem to be
May 2020 · 46
My thoughts on you
Dev May 2020
When you're not around,
I feel weighted
Like I can barely hold myself up
looking in the mirror.

I feel average,
morose,
usually easily pleased with everything i see
now angered,
ill minded.

It's like I'm bitter,
that I'm not hanging around your
over boyish charm,
your know-it-all attitude,
your breathy voice (especially when it's my name on your lips)
your teasing antics,
your gorgeous smile

and oh god,
does it make me fall apart

I've never had this feeling
Never lost something I never had
Never had a heartbreak
Where I didn't hand him my heart
It's genuinely a baffling feeling

I don't want him,
Because I can't have him,
it's simple.
He's not mine to have,
not a single other way about it.

But somehow,
despite all his flaws,
despite mine,
despite my own raging objections,
When the lightnings striking,
the winds are howling,
and he's just staring at me,
light hitting his eyes and smiling,
I want him.

I'm not familiar with this feeling,
this ache,
this warmth,
the longing

lying in bed,
stretching my hands out,
reaching,
searching,
wishing
for his
My thoughts vs my feelings, my thoughts on you hit the ceiling
but my feelings aren't a real thing
if i feel things i don't really deserve
May 2020 · 45
Too Late
Dev May 2020
Would it be better to delay the message?
Leave it imprinted in my brain
Let it boil and fester,
Let it soak up all the pain?

Do I let it become so massive
That I just cannot relay it?
That I call you to tell you I love you and I miss you
And hang up when you answer it?

Should I even bother?
I've let it go too far
That our friendships slowly turning out
To be a dying star?

I want to call you
I miss your voice
I miss your jokes
I miss you

But I'm scared that it'll sound like excuses
I'm worried that there's no weight
I feel like I can't breathe
Because it's all too late
Mar 2020 · 56
Untitled
Dev Mar 2020
Hovering over the keys
I have no clue what I want to write
But I know there’s something there
So I continue to fight

So I carve every scar open

I empty these feelings onto paper
I overthink every line
I hesitate at every word
Especially the rhymes

I anxiously scribble
From heart to a thought
And in the end
I end up with nought

Not a single thing worthy
to post on this page
And I feel that it’s all
getting worse with my age

I’m like every band
The old stuff was the best
And almost like I’ve peaked
No point bothering with the rest

So I don’t know why
I even write anymore
Because writing nowadays
Just feels like a chore
Mar 2020 · 257
I will not sink
Dev Mar 2020
I will not sink
Here on my boat
I sing these words
To stay afloat

I will not sink
Here in this sea
Won’t condemn myself
To misery

I will not sink
I know I can
But will not try
To reach for land

I will not sink
I’ll sing all day
And chase these pirates
All away

I will not sink
I will not sink
I will not sink
Till I’m ashore

I will not sink
I will not sink
I will not sink
My fears, no more

I will not sink
Here on my ship
I’ve finally started
To give a ****.
My little mantra at the moment.






It's only the first week of something new, and I keep getting that niggling thought in my head that I'm not cut out for this, but I refuse to give up simply because I think I can't do it. I simply have to.
Feb 2020 · 74
Blind
Dev Feb 2020
Make me hate you,
make me date you,
make me love you, baby
'till I'm blind

Even though I ******* loathe you,
make me wanna

make you mine
The hook of a new song I'm working on :P
Feb 2020 · 57
soft
Dev Feb 2020
soft smiles and hugs
are you a friend?
are you a foe?
are you nothing but
a kind face, kind soul?
who are you?

How could I not see you before?







Why can't I unsee you now?
Feb 2020 · 37
Attraction
Dev Feb 2020
Attraction is a wonderful thing
Butterflies in a tsunami of stomach acid
Bubbling, rising,
Until you realise
who are you attracting?
And why do they want you?
And how when you have worked so ******* yourself,
Do you still attract
Men of poorer taste.


I thought attraction would be different
With my ever changing body
With my bones that jut out like a perfectly carved statue
But I forgot
No matter where I go
It follows me
And haunts me
Creeping up when I least expect it.
I thought it had left me,
But that voice still whispers
Harsher and harsher truths



"If you were prettier, maybe he would have showered"

"If you were skinnier, maybe you'd attract a good guy"

If you were beautiful


Maybe someone nice



Would be attracted to you
Nov 2019 · 63
Untitled
Dev Nov 2019
Silence eats away at my soul
Which is why I always play a sound track in my head
On the speakers
In the car
Everywhere
And since I met you
Nearly every song reminds me of you
Of some moment we spent together
I can't listen to my favorite bands
I can't listen to my favorite songs
Without thinking of you
And this was okay
You have a girlfriend
I had unrequited feelings that would never see the light of day
And we could just ignore the spark
It was fine
But since I heard those words spill
Out of a drunk girls mouth
I can't look at you properly

"He's cheating on her. Heaps of girls too"

Maybe it's a rumour, I really hope it is.
If it's not, I don't doubt that you'll blame it on your father
If it's not,
I'd rather let the silence eat me away
Than be reminded of you by every single song








I'd rather live in silence
Than listen to songs that remind me of you.
It shows a lot about who you are

It's not okay to do that to somebody
Nov 2019 · 46
Moments
Dev Nov 2019
Sitting here in the silence,
We're comfortable.
It's not something to take for granted
When you have the social skills of a cucumber
But here it is, the moment.
The moment where parks and rec is playing on the TV,
You're telling me all these different little facts about the characters and storyline as you tug and hog the blanket.
I smile and laugh and we watch together
Before I even contemplate turning my head
I know your eyes are there
I know you're looking at me
I know you have a stupid grin on your face cause you're glad you showed me something I enjoyed.
I can feel your stare burning into me, and I know I shouldn't because of the state we're both in but despite my better judgement
I turn and look into your eyes
And you don't look away
And for a moment, I forget the circumstances
For a moment, looking at you
I'm completely and utterly lost
So I diffuse the only way I know how
I stick my tongue out at you
I call you a loser and smack you on the arm
Chewing you out for distracting me.
And honestly all I need,
All I want
Is this
These little moments
With you
Sep 2019 · 1.4k
Untitled
Dev Sep 2019
I just want to disappear into nothingness
So nothing can hurt me again
Sep 2019 · 151
I'm done. Have fun.
Dev Sep 2019
You hurt me far more than you know
words hitting me like bricks
Ill-formed advice and wisdoms
Are the only things that stick

You can't see it
we don't mesh well
not anymore, at least.

But be careful how you speak of me,
I know your tricks and schemes
I know your manipulations and lies
I know your disguise

So if you're truly a friend
and you truly care
then talk to me about it

Don't go spilling secrets and calling me names at parties.
Dev Aug 2019
Callous fingers, throbbing blindly
I could easily give it up, but I like the pain
Give me something that eases me like this
And I'll take your wisdom on board
Readily, I brace myself
Even though I know I've lost that pain
The pain of smoke pushing through healthy lungs, now turned
The pain of smoke burning my lips, tongue, throat
Eventually settling down in the deepest parts of me
Soothing my soul
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