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Dev Oct 2020
Alone on an island am I
Surrounded by my favourite things, and yet
it's a prison
I reach for inspiration, divination
instead finding isolation
a prison
of my memories,
my treasures, my luxuries,
how self-involved can i be?
How selfish can I be?
My problems in reality
are as small as i seem to be
  May 2020 Dev
One of these days the world will wake up
And I won't be in her bed anymore
Stroll through the earths kitchen commonly
To no blueberry sounds or pancake feelings flat
And then just like that
She'll know and know
That I'm nothing like her
And so this morning
I go
What can I say? I'm a good pretender and I'm nothing like you.
Dev May 2020
When you're not around,
I feel weighted
Like I can barely hold myself up
looking in the mirror.

I feel average,
usually easily pleased with everything i see
now angered,
ill minded.

It's like I'm bitter,
that I'm not hanging around your
over boyish charm,
your know-it-all attitude,
your breathy voice (especially when it's my name on your lips)
your teasing antics,
your gorgeous smile

and oh god,
does it make me fall apart

I've never had this feeling
Never lost something I never had
Never had a heartbreak
Where I didn't hand him my heart
It's genuinely a baffling feeling

I don't want him,
Because I can't have him,
it's simple.
He's not mine to have,
not a single other way about it.

But somehow,
despite all his flaws,
despite mine,
despite my own raging objections,
When the lightnings striking,
the winds are howling,
and he's just staring at me,
light hitting his eyes and smiling,
I want him.

I'm not familiar with this feeling,
this ache,
this warmth,
the longing

lying in bed,
stretching my hands out,
for his
My thoughts vs my feelings, my thoughts on you hit the ceiling
but my feelings aren't a real thing
if i feel things i don't really deserve
Dev May 2020
Would it be better to delay the message?
Leave it imprinted in my brain
Let it boil and fester,
Let it soak up all the pain?

Do I let it become so massive
That I just cannot relay it?
That I call you to tell you I love you and I miss you
And hang up when you answer it?

Should I even bother?
I've let it go too far
That our friendships slowly turning out
To be a dying star?

I want to call you
I miss your voice
I miss your jokes
I miss you

But I'm scared that it'll sound like excuses
I'm worried that there's no weight
I feel like I can't breathe
Because it's all too late
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