First thing
I noticed,

camped
and
homeless
but, you found
a place
to call home.

Man*,

Are you
content
to
scavenge and
roam?

Is my question
intrusive?
Should I just
stay mute?
I can't help
but look over,
while on my
commute.

How am I supposed to plan a future?
When, I don't even know
who the **** I am today.

which is worse?
no-one or everyone
understanding
how it feels

brain's running on a train track
destination's outta wack
no station in sight
breaks off left and right
no telling
where my mind
will go

It's hard to pause thoughts twirling
when lady earth just keeps on swirling.
Try to keep my head in the air,
but if I fall,
why should she care?

or does she just
feel their cry?

Never could ask
them why.

Just wait around
to dry.

Maybe next time,
she'll say
high.

I tasted you,
but then I came to the realization
that paying for my demise
made me
a poor* ******* idiot.

Racing arms and angry sneakers
in a concrete hallway -
my heart beat.

I can't feel my feet.

"This is the floor." I tell myself,

in auto speak.

Who are you?

I am running.

~
Time
~
How she loves
to disappear.

"Don't be Day, she acts like the devil." to my sis,
but, I have never felt Satan's dark and humid kiss.
Only to myself, have I attempted to be true.
So, a message to little sister , "Please, just be you."

Why why why why why
why am why why why
why why I why why
why why why hiding why
why why why why ?

I'm sad because no one likes me
No one likes me because I'm an alcoholic
I'm an alcoholic because I'm dead inside
I'm dead inside because I've been hurt
I've been hurt because I am weak
I am weak because I love everyone
I love everyone because no one loves me
No one loves me because I'm unlovable
I'm unlovable because I am broken
I am broken because someone broke me
Someone broke me because I left them
I let them because I loved them
I loved them because I am naive
I am naive because I trusted them
I trusted them because I was ignorant
I was ignorant because no one taught me
No one taught me because no one was there
No one was there because no one likes me
No one likes me because I'm an alcoholic
I'm an alcoholic because I am dead inside
I am dead inside because I am sad

God?

I thought I heard you today,
in the voice of a man
asking me for a cigarette.
A nineteen degree request;
faint on a cold, city street.
A memory of Sunday story
caught me off guard.
" Silver and gold have I none;
but such as I have give I thee."
I've since stopped attending
my scheduled worshiping.
Long forgot,
about an un-kindled burden,
but today I wondered,
are you still here?

Just a nameless voice on a busy line,
but what makes me worth your time?

React with kindness
Respond with honesty

HELP WANTED
Looking for a better weapon to fight this vulnerability

i poured out my heart
and counted the contents
a jumble of insecurities
mixed with variety of pleasures
days of happiness stored
next to nights of suffering
feelings and emotions cluttered
next to my organized logic
i tried to find some sense
buried in the chaos
weighed out the burden
that seems too heavy to hold
this little heart of mine
carelessly made in so little time
she worked so hard
to keep me alive
but never learned to
do anything but that
i crafted her to be
strong and safe
locked everything away
prayed she was secure
but now i find myself
with something new
and realized she has no space
set aside for peace
she knows to run
but not to sing
spent too many sleeps
fueled by disappointment
she must be reassembled
to process this peaceful bed
and maybe some beauty
will come from this head

Please don't take it
from me,
I have nothing else.
I simply need you to
acknowledge my existence.

One hundred forty-four hours spent
~ dreaming ~
about twenty-four hours of bliss

Go searching for
a person,
to lie with you in bed.
I did and found
an angel -
to fights demons in my head.
Every morning
tell yourself
"You are not alone."
Ethereal
open hearts
create the safest home.

Seems way too good to be true
so for now, if that's okay-
I'll just keep loving you.

i thought safety and happiness came hand in hand
but turns out sanity still isn't my friend

A symptom of
my own character flaw.

~ C'mon car -

Drive me home !

Broken heart -

Please don't roam ..

Tired legs -

/ Hold me up \

Convince myself

To never stop, ~

"I've never felt like this before"
but what i meant was
"I've (always) felt alone. (I guess I've never known)"
Is this (real) love?

been writing about
a dream
thought never would
come true
but now i find
myself
in paradise
with you
the only question
that
comes to mind
is when can
I, finally,
make you mine

-
-
-
-
-
marry me,
maybe?

a flower needs
sunshine
to survive
maybe some
water
to stay alive
add some fresh
air
she can thrive

a flower knows
where
she should go
and in due
time
she will grow
but do not
worry
time goes slow

a flower learns
who
she's meant to be
but still she
knows
its not easy
to live a
life
but only breathe

this body was build with autopilot,
so guess i'm worth more then I thought

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    █    █████    ▐ ▓▓▌▐▓▓▌  █
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         █    █████    ▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀█✿ ✿
          █    █████ ___                     █(\|/)
_ make me feel _
like I'm
_  home __

C a n
                y o u
                        l o v e
          m e
  when
I
can
not

?

can
loving
you
make
me
love
myself?

Lover,

I'm sorry to ask this
one more time
but do you mean it
when you say you're mine?

I know you're worried
I'm being too quiet
but my mind has to hurry,
and my brain is in flight.

Now my self-esteem hungers
and creativity's run dry-
keep counting up the numbers
so I don't fly too high.

Can't stop running on this track
assure myself, I'm pulling weight
constant pressure on my back
creating more self-hate.

I think that I am blessed with life.
This morning I woke up warm and safe,
with a kind man next to me to kiss on the face.

I have been granted the ability to work.
I have a welcoming space to earn a living,
with a wonderful boss who is kind and giving.

I still have the privilege to text my mother.
She is a sweet woman with a kind heart -
loves who I am even though our beliefs sometimes part.

But today I woke up and my heart still feels heavy.
I feel unworthy of this body I've been given,
and my mind overworks without my permission.

Depression does not care about my positive days.
Even though I am blessed I struggle with pain,
and constantly still I fight with this dreadful brain.

But day after day I will never give up.
For too many people are counting on me,
and encouraging that one day I shall be free.

So *******, Depression!
Today I woke up and continued to breathe
and while sometimes it's hard I have faith in me.

Please forgive my silence.

I don't know where to start.

My voice cannot project
the volume of my heart.

You're still in my head,
though long left my bed.
Yeah, I thought this was dead
but, I guess I misread
this stupid heart of mine.

thank you
lover
-
for the
reminder
-
that no
longer
-
are they**
stronger
-
than my voice.