Geanna

Geanna Jun 2018

It can be scary coming out of the closet
Escpecially to your parents

It's sad to know he won't
accept it
He won't accept me

So I have to hide it
Pretend i'm just into the opposite gender
It's hard at times
It *****

Parents are suppose to accept
you for who you are
To love you no matter what

But for me
..
Lies are everywhere
I can never truly be who
I am

He will disown me
See me in a different way
I'll lose him
..
For being who I am

~ G.P.O
I wrote this before I came out to my parents. I changed it a bit. My mother accepted me. My father found out about me. An ex-girlfriend broke up with me through text and he read it. He almost kicked me out. He's still in denial about me. If I were to have a girlfriend I'd have to keep it a secret from him.

#comingout #lgbt #bisexual #hiding #whoiam

Geanna Jun 2018

Gone

They tell me to be happy
They say they want me to be happy

How can I find happiness in something
that doesn't make me happy?
How can I be happy in a world
full of pain and suffering?

I have to find it myself, right?
What if I don't find it worthy?
What if I successfully commit suicide?

You can't help a dead girl
You can't save a dead girl

All you can do is sit there
wondering what went wrong
wondering how did you miss it all
wondering why couldn't you save me

But i'll be gone by then
There's nothing you could do about it
The pain will always be there
..
Scarring you forever

~ G.P.O

#gone #suicide #lost #depressed #saveme #pain

Geanna Jun 2018

lost

I've never felt so empty before
  Never felt so numb
..
Actually, i'm not sure if i'm feeling
numb
  empty
     or both
I feel as if my legs will give up any
  second now
    and i'll breakdown crying

Poking the tips of my finger with a pencil
  reassuring I can still feel
    reassuring i'm still here

But am I truly?
  At times I feel as if
    i've left for awhile

Am I back or still missing?

If only I can escape
  to some fantasy world
    where I can truly disappear

~ G.P.O

#escape #fantasy #reality #missig #numb #empty #lost #stillhere

Geanna Jun 2018

Scars

Have you ever missed something so much,
It actually starts to hurt?

I miss the beautiful artwork I would create
on my body, the old ones are still there
But I want to create new ones

I miss painting the lovely color of
Dark red on my light brown skin
I miss the after look,
To see how far i've gone
I see the old ones and admire them
While others see them with such sad eyes

They don't understand
I don't expect them to
If only I can do it again
And again
  And again
    And again

To never get tired of it
My lovely artwork
My lovely scars
       My lovely blades
Oh I miss you so

~ G.P.O

#scars #miss #blades #again #hurting #beautiful #art #artwork #admire #creative

Geanna Jun 2018

Feelings

It' odd to not be sure how you're feeling
To not know what's going on inside your own head
You're a mystery that can only be solved by yourself
Sometimes I feel like people can control if
They want to feel something or not
For them it's a switch

It's not so easy for me
It takes a lot just to block it out
The pain,
The thoughts,
The urges...

It's hard to control an urge
Your gut and your mind says "yes"
Regardless of your answer
Your mind is high, not letting you think straight
Maybe deep down inside your heart
You know it's wrong
But you can't help it

Feelings are so very complicated
Maybe they're a curse

~ G.P.O

#complicated #control #unsure #pain #thoughts #feelings #urges #mystery #mysterious #help

Geanna Jun 2018

Forever and Always

You're the love of my life, my good luck charm, my one and only, hopefully my future husband.
You can never understand how I feel about you, about us.
I never want us to end. You hold a very special place in my heart.

Forever and always, my lover

~ G.P.O

#love #inlove #special #goodluck #charm #future #husband #forever #nevertoend #end

Geanna Jun 2018

Her little girl

I could hear the sadness
In her voice
The voice that was once filled
With joy
...
Is now gone
Every thought she had of me, now darkened

Everything is different now
Nothing will ever be the way
It once was before
No thought, no joke, no look
...
Nothing

I was once her strong little soldier
Now I worry her
Now she knows the truth
...
That i'm weak

Her little girl is gone
she waved her white flag
and said her goodbyes

Goodbye

~ G.P.O
This is for my mother.

#weak #sad #sadness #thoughts #voices #joy #gone #truth #dark