Brianna

Brianna Sep 2017

Dancing through the bright and loud New York streets my little gypsy queen floated by with her camera in hand.
Snapping memories here and there she found love around those ***** streets and neon lights.

He tried to grab her waist and pull her in but she was too preoccupied with the memories she was making.
Her hair sparkled like glitter and her smile could make the ice caps melt.

Singing to the beat of the sirens and the moving to the beat of the traffic she weaved in and out of local shops like the complex braids in her hair.

She was the queen of the grungy corner kids waiting for one more cigarette.
She was the goddess of adventure and the muse to all who craved the lust of life.
She was the Gypsy.
She was the Artist.

Dancing through the crowded New York underground, my little gypsy queen was unbelievably and undeniably herself in every way possible.

#dancing #love #gypsy #adventure #memories #wandering #newyork #glitter #louds #singing

Brianna Sep 2017

Flower Anxiety

I remember the day you gave me the first set of red roses- you did it on New years because you always said Holidays were easier to remember-
I remember the feeling's I got-
Passion.
Excitement.
Anxiety of being treated with such love.

I remember the second time you gave me red roses- it was after we broke up for the third time- you promised we would work it out this time.
I remember the feeling's I got-
Sadness.
Love.
Hope.
Anxiety at thinking It wasn't going to get better.

I remember the last time you gave me flowers, my favorite daisies, you were moving across the country.
I remember the feelings I got-
Depression.
Lost.
Confusion.
Anxiety at knowing this was the last time we would ever have to fix us.

I don't blame you for retreating and hiding away.
I don't blame you for not wanting this to work out.
I do however blame you for making me feel worthless in the process.

I do blame you for the fact that I will forever question any man who gives me flowers and whether for not he is going to leave and never come back.
Anxiety.

#flowers #love #pain #relationships #depression #sad #memories #holidays #anxiety #questioning

Brianna Sep 2017

Smitten

What do you do when you're--
loopy with feelings,
completely and utterly,
smitten?

What do I do about the-
thoughts in my head,
screaming and yelling,
that I need to stop fearing the word,
Love?

He's wonderful and perfect and--
as sweet as pie,
as cute as a button,
and I simply adore everything about
him.

#love #feelings #new #relationships #blooming #hopeful #but #hopeless #scared #fear

Brianna Sep 2017

Running back home

I can't blame you for losing yourself and hiding in the closet with those skeletons you keep.
It's summer out here in Texas and the weather is frying my spirit and the confidence I had is pouring down my face with shame.
I can't blame you for spilling your guts to me when you needed it most; I'm sorry I couldn't do the same.

It's snowing back home in September and I am over here hiding my face from the world wishing I could wear a mask permanently sometimes.
I can't blame you for running away- I ran the same direction but stopped a little too soon I think...
Hard times will make you wonder how you survived when you're on the edge of the cliff and can see rock bottom just below.

I can't blame you for hating me, but you can't blame me for wishing you didn't.
I can't blame you for having nothing to say because you were the water to my garden but I'm drowning.
I cannot bloom, my petals are falling off day by day and this Texas heat has me lethargic and depressed.

Soon I'll be heading home, back to the desert where my soul remains.
I know the the things you'll say.
I can hear them in the back of my head, but the times have changed.
I can't blame you for running away... but I am running back home now.

#running #back #home #life #changes #texas #west #coast #midwest #hot

Brianna Sep 2017

Pretty Liars

Why do we let them have the power to
tear us apart?
bring us to our knees?
lower our self-respect?

Why did I let you tell me it was
all my fault?

Green eyes- demons hidden in the jewels of your life- little does she know you wear contacts and they are fake.
Sandy hair- soft and smooth- little does she know you color it- also fake.
Strong arms- they can wrap themselves around you- little does she know you wrapped them around your ex girlfriend not too long ago- fake.
Weak words- phrases that are as outdated and arrogant as you are when you pretend to be someone you're not- they sound fake.

"You're pretty." ( stop lying)
"You're perfect." ( ridiculous)
"You're unlike everyone else in this world." ( originality is dead)
"I will never leave you." ( but you did)
"Anything you want baby, it's yours." ( i wanted you)
"I wasn't ignoring you, I just didn't know what to say." ( for a year?)
"I'm sorry." ( my favorite line)

How does it feel to hear your own words used against you?
Does it sound fake?

#respect #love #liar #fake #broken #apart #******* #go #die #hate

Brianna Sep 2017

Long Distance

I want your lips against mine.
Your hands all over me.
But you're in California and I'm over here thinking-

why the hell do I always fall for the guys nowhere near me?

#long #distance #nowhere #near #love #relationships #boys #sad #california #texas

Brianna Sep 2017

The Easy Road

I often think about how I would react to my own death if i was an outsider.
Would I feel sorrow? Would I miss Me the way my friends would miss me?
Would I cry at my funeral or would I stand there silently wishing I was anywhere else but here?

I think about the words I say to myself and the lack of love I usually feel when I talk about myself.
The " Oh, no I'm not nearly as pretty as she is" or the " No way would I be MY OWN friend" responses and the awkward stares after a compliment.
Would I comment on what a good friend I was? Or remember the love I gave to everyone?

I think how easy it is to talk negatively about myself as if I am that easily disposable and I want to change that.
I often think no wonder I fall for the guys who always put me second, or let the **** talkers become my friend so easily-- I see myself in the same way.

As easy as it would be to end it all, I've never been one for easy.
I think I'll take the harder path and live a bit longer and see what I can change in the process.

#easy #funeral #life #negative #comments #bad #positive #change #trying #me