A loner that kills pain,
physical pain and for some
a drug for joy, for calmness.
Magical, as a single strike eliminates all the pain.

The loner once struck me into a deep sleep,
where I was floating, like a dream
calmness or a silent blissfulness
I don’t know what this loner made me feel
I just know that it was beautiful.
Silence, silence all over
and then a sudden interruption,
my friend’s panic stricken voice
calling me, waking me up.
Looking up I found her scared eyes,
scared, as in whether I was dead.

A fear outspread that day,
people who loved me feared the loner,
there was solidarity in their fear,
fear of losing me.
The loner was banished, once and for all.

Days passed, years passed,
pain was calmed using wrapped pills.
It never gave the calmness,
the blissfulness like the loner.
He is gone for so long now.

Today, as my body starts to quiver with pain,
I heard his voice,
a soothing voice, asking me
asking me to open the cellar
“Take me and I’ll put you out of your misery”

As I opened, I saw the loner
beautiful in blue.
I took him and all of a sudden
I found contentment in this strike after so long.
Calmness flooded in me once again,
I found happiness in this silent blissfulness.
Silence, silence all over.
But this time my sleep didn’t get interrupted,
for this time it was now and forever.

Dolo, the loner,
now I’m yours….forever.

Cranberries and Blissfulness
Pouting baby butter lips
‘Round the corner Edward trips
With tattered knees to bare

Bless the button, sew the stitch
Clean your ears behind the itch
Find a chair to reach the switch
An inch or two to spare

When I give,
Everything I have and more...

My sleeplessness' solace,
Is buried in my dreams.

My world away from the world,
Where there are no more problems to solve.

In my dreams,
Life, is just a flow,

The effortless stream of events,
That I never have to think about again.

The blissfulness of the temporary,
Escape from my woes.

~Robert van Lingen

My Perfect Stranger,

I have a proposal of sorts; I want to start writing a story, in which you are my partner in crime. The crime being – living without one another. Not being sure to know if we’ll ever be apart of one another’s lives again.
Scratch that – the crime, the crime would be a lie because in truth I want to begin a story to where you are my partner in crime, yes; but you’d be my partner in crime for life. We’d commit no crimes, speak no lies, confess all truths with the bluntest honesty that could spring forth from our hearts. Enjoy every possible moment spent together, for they have become few and far apart.
This is not just a start of any typical story, but it will be the start of our story. The real story – It can’t be written, it can’t be spoken by anyone other then you and I. We’re the only ones who know how our story begins, though we’ll never truly know how it’ll end. This is a second chance, if not the first chance.

“A kiss is what tells the beginning to every story… It’s up to you where that story will lead.” –me.

The past may be the past, but we lived in that past, and the past that once was will become recognized, if it has not already. It will not be viewed harshly as it should be. Every possible thing that occurs in life does so for a reason which only fate, or as some people come to say destiny, can tell. We live to forgive and forget, though nothing is truly forgotten. We are here to make mistakes then to learn from those mistakes; if one was to never make a mistake then they’re not truly living a life well lived.

“Welcome the future with open arms; embrace it like an old friend. Learn to forgive and forget the painful memories; keep your tears at bay; have faith in yourself and others. And mostly, remember that love and trust will always be your guiding light into the darkness.” –me.

“Everything happens for a reason; don’t underestimate those reasons… You live to forgive and forget and to move along with the life you’re leading. Therefore, with that said, don’t waste time with melodrama or pity arguments. Don’t put up with people who attempt to drag you down with them. Because I can guarantee that those people; the ones who try to play you like a cheesy board game are never worth a single breath escaping your lips. Those are the ones who will never find happiness, true happiness, bliss, No, they’ll forever be lonely. Keep moving forward, look onto brighter horizons. Love the ones you hold close to your heart. Cherish your children. Lead your own life, not someone else’s, nor let any other being lead yours. Smile. Kiss. Love. Trust. Be honest with yourself and with others. It’s all worth it in the end.” –me.

Maybe our largest mistake together was making stupid decisions when we met. We made the choice to fall in love, to date, to live together and try to be happy all within a mere week of meeting. In doing so, hearts wound up broken; smashed into stardust. Trust was ripped away and friends were lost.
This time, this time will be different. I, in this beginning, will tell you of me. I will tell you everything which has occurred throughout my life, it may be the past, but my past tells a lot of who I was which has made me, well, me. I will be bluntly honest with you. I will answer every question you could possibly fathom to ask me. It’s just, I don’t know where to begin…

“The past will never cease to constantly be snipping at your heels with every step you take; it’ll always be there to remind you who you are and what paths you’ve chosen to lead you to where you are. Don’t break promises, don’t break hearts, because it’s happened before; your sometimes overwhelming past can come toppling down on you at any given moment; so be careful. There’s no one who wants to slip, fall face first, losing all consciousness into what once was.” –me.

“People change… I’ve seen friendships fall apart and relationships destroyed. It happens. Truth hurts. People lie. People cheat. Everyone destroys someone else in some way, it’s an ever going cycle of life. Live your life. Even when something unexpected comes alone, enjoy it, love it. It’s all worth it in the end. I can promise you that.” –me.

“Not everyone can read me like a story book or a torn out page of your favorite fairy tale. There’s more to me then just that. My life, better yet, my story is more complicated then most may think.
I used to be the girl that you would see walking alone down the street at night, cigarette in hand, bag in the other, all the while letting the world completely pass me by. I was the girl with the electric green nail polish and nearly enough eyeliner on my eyes to last most girls the entire year. Though all I am to most is just another pretty face.
There’s always new lives forming, coming alive, seeing this rundown movie for the very first time. Then there are also lives ending, running away from a failing life. Praying that the next world is better then the one they left in their very wake.” –me.

Let’s begin like this; I am complicated, spontaneous, gullible, unnaturally trusting of others and a big ball of confusion at times. I care too much for others, even when they’ve chewed me up, spit me out and kicked me around in the dirt, I still care. I hand out second chances like a stranger hands children candy from his van. One would assume I would have learned my lesson of doing such nonsense, but nonetheless I continue to forgive too easily. My heart throbs when I am upset and feels as if it is going to burst wide open so all of the world can see. I have the unfortunate tendency to bottle up how I feel because my thoughts process too quickly and I become speechless because the words I am trying to speak just refuse to form into speech.

“Trust; it’s a highly important factor in ones life. I have very little for those I have met here, all except for one in which I trust completely with my life, my heart, my child… Yes, I may be very trusting, but that trust only lasts until you’ve broken it… Everyone of you thus far, besides that one person has broken my trust. So therefore those of you who broke my trust can go **** yourselves and relinquish yourselves from my life; it’ll be much better without you. And you know exactly who I’m referring to.” –me.

I fall in love too easily and too quickly; as you have first handily witnessed. I do intend for that to change, which, with my most recent excuse of a relationship I came to realize that it has changed. I never fell in love with him, I never had a true attachment, just annoyance. There is no excuse to why the relationship was even formed to begin with, let alone why it lasted more then a few short days. That relationship is over now, and that relationship will never get a second chance like others have.
I have changed; I’m no longer the person I once was. I still care and I still love, but I’m no longer the me I used to be. After our first run around, something switched off, or maybe even on inside me. I don’t fight, I may argue my point but it has no intentions to cause any harm. I began to communicate my feelings more, even though it seems to do no good.
I believe that everyone deserves to be happy, and I look for the good in everyone, that’s why I constantly push and try so hard, to bring out the better and happier person in those I am trying to help. And it seems to be the people I end up dating are those I subconsciously am looking to help; I am drawn to those who are in dire need of change without ever realizing so. It’s like a test I’m giving, and so far everyone has failed. I feel as if I’m here to help others, to make their lives better even though sometimes it may not seem like I’m trying to help at all; but I really am.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

I have had many bad run-ins in this short life I have lived thus far. I became pregnant at seventeen and I was far from ready to have a child of my own; I was still a child who needed to experience more of life before bringing another life into this cruel world. In result my child was removed from my care because I fell into the hands of disastrous acts. I met the wrong people whom only drug me down farther along with them. I fought and I fought to get her back in my arms, and after a year I finally did. Though now, I look at her and I feel as if she belongs to someone else. I don’t have the bond which I should have with my daughter and no matter what I try it just won’t spark. This is a terrible confession, but it is of the truth. I catch myself more and more looking at my baby and asking myself if this is really real. Asking myself where has time gone? I missed so much of her growing up that it’s tearing me to pieces now, years later. Nothing seems to be real anymore. I need that bond between me and my child more then I need anything else, because she is my shining light in this world.

“I can’t find reality; my reality has just become a non-stop ride through hell and back. Send someone to shine a light as bright as a shooting star so I can find my way back to what my reality should be realistically.” –me.

I, myself am indeed an open book, mostly unwritten. All you ever need to do is ask me questions… Tell me of yourself – open up to me completely; because if you can tell me everything and if you can tell me everything that has been hidden, I can do the same. Be adventurous with me, be spontaneous; do things you never thought you would fathom of doing. Live with an open mind to the future; because our future could be blindingly beautiful, and then again it could also be terribly tragic. Though we will never know until we try; that’s how life works, as you’re well aware.

Though I am afraid that the beginning is coming to a slow halt; so I am asking this of you – please consider being my partner in crime, to help me continue writing our story, our fairytale. It may be the most adventurous challenge we’ll ever come across in our lifetime.
I do hope I provided a well spoken beginning, telling of some, let’s say “important” points of me and my past. Just remember, I want to find what once was lost; I want it to be found properly from both parties involved. Maybe we’ll be some of the lucky ones who’ll, one day find true blissfulness; just maybe.


Your Perfect Stranger

Once upon a solitude night in September
I caught the shadow of a stranger
It left me with a puzzled mind and a puzzled heart
Trying to figure it all at once
I kept questioning "Who is he? Is he real? Is he just a lie I make for myself?"
Clueless me, with a soul of a centaur, seeking for a truth
I walked into his shadow, slowly
Didn't know it'll take me to the real shape of someone, someone real
I looked at him
And it felt like epiphany

Once upon an ineffable day in October
The sun was shining and setting blissfully
We talked, he looked at me right in my soul
What a familiar stranger you were
Such a perfect contradiction
Dark and bright
Cold and warm
A serious man and a playful child
I felt like I don't know him but yet it felt like I knew him from the start
He rescued me from deserted, hopeless space where I once belong
And he was no more a stranger to me

Once upon a day in mid-November
The lightning strucked from every stance
Everything seemed to have fallen apart
and the darkest past still run to chase both of us
That's when I knew, even before I realized
that maybe I fell for him
with every pieces that remains

And now, in the end of cold December
I will ask him
To consider being my partner in crime
to help me continue writing our story
It might be blindingly beautiful
It could also be terribly tragic
but maybe
We will be some of the lucky ones
who will one day find a true bliss
Hopefully

There once was a boy who was but a slender
Line in a portrait or a smudge on a fender
Nothing more than would be passed by your eye
Was the boy so young who did nothing but cry

The world was a cruel one, but he wasn't so tainted
His picture more perfect than of David's statue painted
But the world would soon tear this boy apart
It would end in the mind what began in the heart

You see, innocence thrives where ignorance rules
For blissfulness is the kindest of the ignorant's tools
But this boy would be taught to feel and to hurt
His tears turned to ash as they fall from lips to dirt

He was now cold and ****** and swore
His opinions had changed when his brother died in the war
There was no point to heaven and less point to hell
When they called out your name, you either stood up or fell

Chipped bricks covered in posters past
Graffiti from people of phrases that last
Like one-liners, humourless, gaining a laugh
And the three-word with the sketch of a heart cut in half

The best philosophes of this past generation
Write thoughts on the wall from their closed imagination
And the boy with his eyes red grew darker
As he reached in his pocket and pulled out a marker

With a couple quick slashes a ballot was drawn
And he labeled the man in the voting booth "pawn"
Underneath it he wrote what might be a phrase
That just didn't catch on in those olden days:

It said, "A stone cast down as in defeat
Will hit thine foot before the street
For he who gives up his voting right
Will have no say in where we fight."

The boy capped the pen and he walked away
He had written down all that he wanted to say
His hands now were smudged from the marks on the wall
And he thought to himself, "In short time, it'll fall"

Right around the corner he was halted by the law
"You thought no one was watching, but guess what, kid? I saw.
The truth is, you're right, we vote for our wars
But the man up on top of the nation? He's yours."

The boy smiled slightly, for this cop was wrong
And he reached deep past the tears in himself to be strong
"That man isn't mine; he approved of this war
And congress has made my brother break the oath that he swore"

The cop looked at boy and the boy at the cop
They weren't talking graffiti, but the man up on top
Two strangers, two people, agreeing the fact
That the choice on the ballot was a serious act

"Most kids don't realize just what a vote can mean
They don't attribute the choice to the step in between
Old ideas corrupted or improved upon
All they know is their voice can make the other guy gone"

The boy nodded and looked the cop right in the eye
Saying, "This president let my brother ship out to die
If you try to make us think that his empathy wasn't fake
Contradiction in contrite diction will no conviction make

"You can't justify death because the harder you try
The more your arguments fade like the clouds in the sky
But before they dissolve and assimilate with the air
They leave behind pain to show that they were there"

The cop nodded, waved, and went back to the beat
More hoodlums and lost souls to help off the street
He passed a dark alley and his instincts erupted
His mind yelling to him, "Check for something corrupted!"

So he turned down in darkness to check out the spot
It looked like a place where blackmarket is hot
The fungus and mold that once grew peeled off
Leaving yellowish stains and the urge to cough

A voice near the brickwork called out saying, "Hey,"
"If it's not to much trouble, mister, couldja stay?
See honest to goodness, mister, I tried to stay clean
But when you take your own product, separation is mean"

"I don't know exactly who is to blame"
Said cop to the girl he could see but not name
"There's no one to blame," said the girl to the man
"There's things that will happen, and with time they all can

"For a creature that thrives on flesh alone
Will bite through the skin to steal the bone
And he must be careful, lest he find
That he's been feasting upon his own behind"

"Yes, sometimes it's true: Desire drives us too fast
Sometimes to places where sanity's long since passed
But sanity's fleeting and must be sought after
Come; let me find you some lodgings and laughter"

"No, mister! I'm a lost cause, my fate's without hope!
Permit me now to symbolize: I'm at the end of my rope!"
"Now miss don't you think like that, No one's soldered to their fate
Such thinking will confine you like a cage with bitter bait!"

This world's harsh and confusing and you've had the short stick
But don't let hopelessness be the only thing that's gonna make you tick
Like treading water in the ocean, panic makes you die
Find beauty out of terror, spread your arms and fly!"

The girl sat there blinking. She'd never heard such talk
She'd never been another thought on anybody's walk
"Now let me tell you, I'm not short on self doubt
But I've got to say: that's not what it's all about

See I met this boy earlier, who told me his story
About how the status of the world often makes him worry
This boy's actin' out, but he'll turn out just fine
But if you're giving up hope, then you're crossing the line

Because we've never needed Merry Men and Robin Hood
To stand up at bugle-call to turn the world good
We just need to remember: We're in it forever!
Fight the urge to look upward and shout angrily, 'Never!'

The world, good and bad, is mixed unto itself
And you can't take you your recipe book from the shelf
And add pinches of falsehoods like seasonings for a mask
You must fix it internally, for that is your task

See, though you've given up, that's something I just won't allow
You're gonna go out and fix it, let somebody show you how
Because there's more than one way to a proper conclusion
Some ways are hard and still others illusion

But become obsessed with the truth, with doin' things right
Become a shining green beacon to lead others at night
Promise me, here and now, in this alley proclaim!
That you will set forth and make good of your name."

The girl gently nodded and as time's hands were wound
She grew like a flower from that dank piece of ground
It's the tiny conversations that can so alter life
And cut the crust of complication like a peace-bringing knife

The boy with his brother who'd gone up in the fight
Was just like the cop said: he turned out alright
He put his mind to better things, gave up the childish art
And in the realm of history, his bio did its part

Because he realized how tangible the change he wanted was
He set aside resentments as the true reformer does
He spoke of love, acceptance. . . And then switched to compromise
Because when you're just a visionary, the vision always dies

He used the good and bad to weld a better, stronger, net
To catch the lost and lonely, his was the best support to get
He filled the heads of others with the change that he once viewed
And little inch by little inch corruption and violence met with feud

A verbal dispute filled with picketing people
Who shouted, "Change!" from their electronic steeple
And the media members had themselves a field day
As they caught on the camera what the boy had to say:

"Too often we forget, that apathy isn't peace
But we allow ourselves to be served it by the leaders filled with grease
And we skip along, ignoring things that should rightly upset us
Bombs abroad are wholly fine but not the one that's gonna get us

We've got to think of the whole picture, got to figure out the puzzle
Though you think the lion's fierce, it always has time to nuzzle
So let's switch the view and take on that trait
And put aside the thought that nuzzling can wait."

The cop saw the boy who was on T.V.
And said to himself, "that kid talked to me!
He smiled a bit, "his speech is pleasing as a wren
And in the case of my boasting, I'll say I knew him when!"

The girl wasn't taped, but she was out changing lives
By having conversations that we've likened to knives
And so it was when time was up on the impending revolution
Armed with words she voyaged forth to fufill her resolution

The boy and she stood side by side and led the people on
And using power words of choice, the old regime was gone
What started out as compromise, effloresced to peace and love
And the cop the two had talked to nodded at boy and girl above

A change in heart, a change in mind, can spark a worldly change
Though originality is difficult, ideas can rearrange
To fit the modern times, and indeed to mold it best
And the answer's sometimes difficult, but as we all know: life's a test

This boy and girl were lost, then found, and so was their whole world
And their string of conversations were around their finger curled
Reminding them that there was out there a better way to live
And revolution was the message that the cop had had to give

I know what I've said
And I've said what I know
I've wanted to cry
And I cry cause I wanted
I've loved and been lost
And I've lost who I've loved
I've slept for hours
And I'd sleep for days
Buried life in various ways
I've carried and I've dragged
And I've sworn and I've promised
And I never thought it would all come down to this;
The tragedy of sunken blissfulness.

While I love the communicable energy
Given from sanguine, upbeat music,
Sometimes the hum of the street
The rushing, dashing, of careening motors
And the leading blissfulness
Is true serenity, just enough.

astounding my heart is pounding, mind racing, feet pacing, hands shaking, i feel myself breaking. i don't know how it got this way i guess my brain just love’s to see me breaking. its like my brain is a separate creature. plotting against me wanting to test me just so it can best me because a body without a mind is broken. I heard that ignorance is blissfulness but i never understood that phrase till my mind left me to fend for myself, it said *******, you get no help. now you have to deal with the two things that matter most and i'm not here to help you. ******* it can't you hear that i am literally yelling this in your ear. the next time your mind leaves you i want you to allow me to lend you my ear so that your cries fall not on deaf ears but someone who will actually shed tears, listen to your fears, and hear what you want someone to hear. don't worry i'm here.

Over existence of such a woman
With her faith had grown more not gone
Inside there's a life of overjoyed power
The power that will cry out loud up in a tower..

Fed by the world's grievance and despair
Trying to hook up with its little winged pair
How was life became such unfair?
Like a treetops falling right at the tip of her hair

She was once too in a womb before
Then she taste life's bitter fruits and more
Then she commit herself to a paradise in which they've made
A childhood reborn is the price she have to pay..

In the darkness of her inner desire
She created inside her womb a hundred folds fire
Never minding what are the rules and what are the taboos
She whisper her a song in her moments of blues..

There's a fragile crystal on her inner side
Building a melody so soft like a mellow tide
Against others will she remain so strong
Hiding her sadness in a blissfulness of her song

Then she lighten up a heart of stone by such a flickering fire
An anguish had lost and the madness of desire
And they follow her footsteps in a mystery of myth
That once a child is born it will wash her feet..

The enduring ephemerality,
Strung together moments of blissfulness,
Each fleeting in its temporality,
But feeling infinite in wistfulness.

The hands of time spin circles without end,
While memories live in moments discrete.
Some moments blur to a nondescript end,
Moments with you time will never defeat.

Events live so long as not forgotten,
Life’s meaning breaks time’s continuity.
With each breath a new time is begotten,
So time gone lives in perpetuity.

When timeless blissfulness is in the past,
The paradox of time still makes it last.

Peter never understood why Wendy was meant to grow up
why she had to leave the blissfulness of Neverland

If there's an answer to his questions it would be that
she was dreaming of castles and voyages and someone to love
while he was mischieving pirates,chasing a never setting sun

I often wander if I'm more like her,
sincere, gentle, a duchess-to-be
a young girl who dwells in stories

or like the boy who wouldn't grow up,
nonchalant, full of lovely wonderful thoughts,
Peter Pan,the one who could fly

But what did he do when she left?
Is she a beautiful memory in a child's mind,
why didn't he abandon immortality for love?

Here's Wendy, back in Kensington Gardens
a lady asking herself what if I had stayed
why couldn't he abandon youth for her love?

And she will forever remain in his mind as a little girl,
who played family with and dreamed
but Wendy will be married and will be kissed
but not with him.

And Peter will always be a chasing dream,
a fairyland with pirates and ships,
a world of villains, mermaids and the boy who
didn't return her kiss.

I read, imagining his crooked smile growing up
or her staying forever
and none of these feels completely right

In the end, I am another lost boy who went to Neverland,
and flew and fought with a sword, and swam with mermaids
and danced around fire with the eyes of Tiger Lilly

Sometimes there I return, finding him lost in her thoughts,
but there again everyone's forgotten among the things we never say...

I hate you.

The blissfulness of our slow beginning made me curious about you, about anything I may one day come to feel for you. I had never experienced something so kind, and gentle. To me, the ease of our relationship came from a mutual feeling of being hurt too many times before but finally finding peace in the other's energy. I was broken when you first met me, believe me my dear, I could tell you were too. I saw kindness in your smile though, so even if I wasn't sure, I agreed to our first date... And our second... And our third. Until finally I realized, I was too broken, too damaged and the fact I saw the same in you made me scared. I was scared to once again become engulfed in saving another man from his own self destruction; losing myself by pouring the light of my heart to fill the cracks made in yours. I did not hurt you and you did not damage me so I made a choice for us, I simply walked away. I knew there was nothing we could offer one another at that time but for some reason I knew, I would come to know you again.

My time apart from you was a mental and spiritual rehabilitation. I regained the light I had once lost and I felt secure enough to finally reach out to you; and without indifference, you accepted. Of course you knew, my walls were still up, high and strong but I feel you found my defensive streak challenging and everyone knows that if it's easy, it's not worth it. You wanted me in every way a man could want a woman but there was always something off. I always felt you were telling me only half of the story, you were only giving me half of you.

Nonetheless, regardless of what you said, my dear you were dating a writer. I found strength in the tone of your voice, I saw pain in your glare, in your smile I found faint hope, and in your walk I saw a worn fighter; in your laughter however, I heard a joy that seemed to have escaped you but found its way back with me. I took what I could from you and ultimately learned from you. Without even trying you taught me more things than anyone has been able to in such a short amount of time. That short time was worth it, those short months that Fall, were worth it.

You ruined us, you ruined the potential we once held. Granted I don't know if that potential was an allusion of an ignorant blissfulness but what I know for sure, you ruined us the moment you decided to go back to her. In all your confusion you knew I was the best for you but she held a spot in your heart that I could not touch, she was the other part of you. The way you asked for another chance from me made me carry a heavy heart because I cared so deeply for you and in the hurt of it all, I couldn't bare to lose you, not yet.

As the season changed and winter blew in, the warm embrace of your arms only felt like a trap to me. I was trapped in what I felt for you and what I knew to be the truth. You were never going to let her go, not then nor now but still I wanted you. Soon enough, you made a choice, to let me go from your embrace. And just like that, you took every short lived memory and feeling of us away from me.

I hate you for loving her.

It was about a year ago,
where we said those words
of loneliness,
of blissfulness.

No matter whether you are
single,
or attached,
I want you to know that you can
not feel lonely this Valentine's Day.
You can be "taken" by:
1. your other half
2. your loved ones
3. your friends
4. and of course, why not yourself ?

Make yourself feel blessed this Valentine's Day.
Surround yourself with people who you love and appreciate.

Pieces of you linger
  In my mind, causing random smiles and outbursts of laughter,
   But sometimes I cry

Pieces of you reside
   In my heart, placing me in sentimental moods and reminiscent flight,
   But sometimes I just cry

Pieces of you remain
  In my nose, creating fragrant blissfulness
Pieces of you stay
  On my skin, triggering spontaneous quivers
Pieces of you survive
  On my tongue, causing cravings for sweet things

  But sometimes I still just cry
  
Pieces of you are indelibly ingrained
   In my soul, intensely reminding me of love and love lost
   And I cry :'(



© Tina Thompson 2011

Lush green of variant shades
cloud my vision with the hush of tranquility
There is no mystery here
only the simple drop of sunlight that can't quite penetrate
I can remember the times on this grass with you
when we stretched out in Nirvana
and I'm not certain where you've gone
but this blissfulness entrances me
enhances me
so I am one in essence with this triumphant fertility
that makes not even the slightest rustle

And here in Nirvana, I can crawl on my belly
keeping to myself
avoiding the bright sun
until I reach the newest dream
that whispers tales in the ripples

But here, ignorance is reflected in the disturbance
of a shimmering pond as a snake enters the water
and slithers across my face
There have been no creatures here before
and all I can think is what a beautiful thing

Leaves fall down and wither at my feet
branches brush my shoulders
and I am annoyed that they try to hold me back
All I want
is to glide my hand across those scales
to stroke that body before it goes
and I am left wondering

So I bend down before the pond
and I can't hear my peaceful song
and its' tongue flicks out to greet me
so so sweetly
and I can't understand why the snake is now laughing
or why I'm sweating
or how I came to notice that I'm feeling captured
not enraptured
So I creep back, and I run towards the brightest sun
and the snake is gone
as I break through the ferns that snap and whimper goodbye
and I see the edge to the unknown land

Maybe I could choose to strut forward or sink back
but I'm forgetting
I can't image the soft greens
The pond seems muggy in my memory
and your face is blocked, now we'll never meet

And I'm so fearful of the colours that I don't remember
so I plow into the mist
and I never truly "know"
but I can feel
as I lose my Nirvana

the tangibility of fallibility
is met between the coincidence
and insatiability of adversity,
the blissfulness of satisfaction
is met between the constant refraction
and abstraction of our instability,
distancing perceptions bound by
our misinterpreted misconceptions ,
take the contradictions of our minds
and use them as receipted expectations,
blinded by darkness for illumination
idyllically thriving on the absence of starvation
but the the realism of disdained relation put us
in a position of contempt fixation,
placement of a pedestal beneath my feet
misdirected direction towards a forked defeat,
a way to pain and a way to pleasure,
the destination of each concluded at cloudy weather,
atmospheric conditions leave injunctions towards
the ****** functions to deviate and meditate
the conflicted constant of mind and heart
and diverge from its obliged obligation from the start,
a denouncement expected right from inception
brought afloat a constant instance of introspection,
intrinsic emotions distorted at a love’s devotion
sparks a metaphysical claim towards a complex notion
of companionship and intensified intimacy;
an expectant of reciprocated sympathy
but when in reality, the thought of apathy
lies not within the partner,
but within me

Me and you
And this blissfulness
Called dream love
Realizing that
One plus one
Equals one
As a forever truth
Realizing that
One plus One
Equals me and you
As a forever truth
When the sounds become feelings
And the feelings become sounds
In this dualism of love
Very similar with
The particle-wave
Dualism of light.
When the unique bliss
Means me and you...

O with what heavy heart
And steaded blissfulness
Doth I burdened start
Dodge the dreaded crinkles.
My soul is aching,
Much to my chagrin
As she stands there alone,
Sullenly basking.
How I Wish to be freed
From this forsaken place
Allowed to wander by steed
At a vagabond's thorough pace.
Yearn for adventure
I shall
Through the bitter years that follow,
For I myself a lady
Stall not the humble morrow.

you'd sacrifice even your happiness
for that someone to feel blissfulness.
you'd endure all the unfair,
just for the person not to be in despair.

you are willing to conquer the world,
and you will be unimaginably bold.
you wouldn't know that you, girl,
could actually be dauntless in a whirl.

when you love someone,
you'd choose the person over anyone;
everything they do is just fulfilling,
and their mere existence would be gratifying.

I sit alone in this park that I’ve known for so long, and listen to bird’s songs, in the hopes my mind will grow tranquil and clam.
I await words to write, to relieve some strife, seeking merely a sliver of a slice of peace of mind. But time comes to a halt, as ghosts with a waltz, dance through my head causing dread, harboring memories from when I was young.
Still naïve and oblivious of the strenuous afflictions to come.
With thoughts collected, I reminisce these recollections, of when the world was filled with bliss, and wish that life was still like this.
When every day is an adventure to be treasured and joy is never severed, I’m care free because responsibility does not exist, within, my limited vocabulary yet.
Each day is met with set structures from a structured home, where mom and dad, still pretend they’re glad, which means I have no reason to be sad. And so, I still don’t know, what it’s like to feel alone, in a broken failing home.
Normalcy becomes conformity, complacently but blatantly forming a shell of apathy.
Because now dad yells,  and the children’s eyes swell, with tears of fear, my mom’s with sheer, determination to captain this ship, stubbornly sit, amidst, these waves of irritation mixed with infidelity.
I found myself stuck in a storm, totally torn, as my joy is worn consistently down. I clown around to be sound, but a permanent frown, is brazenly embroidered into my broodingly breaking soul.
Time flew by ignored my cries to slow, and so my consciousness consented its blissfulness to turn to bitterness, my brokenness was all that I knew, and soon, it was all I could show.
Although now I’m older, still too often I smolder with rage, and both shoulders have boulders, for chips but I’ll fight fate, abate my hate, to keep my future family safe.
Safe from the games my parents played to hide their shame, of a marriage disparaged by barriers, bolstered with a selfish taint. I will sufficiently and selflessly safeguard my wife from treachery. To not neglectfully or carelessly, lead her into insanity. For bride and seed, I will succeed, to do everything my parents failed to do for me.

Pain I know well.
With pain I can deal.
As the heat does radiate and the soreness does swell.
I finally begin to feel.
Yes, it has the power to bring me back but it can also make me crash and derail.
This sweet hurt will forever have me chasing my tail.
Oh such heavenly hell.

It's warm.
What is this blissfulness?
"It's me.. You're not alone"
Embedded in the eardrum.
Tears disappeared
By just one glance at that curve on the face
That weird, yet such an euphoric curve
It's called a smile
Strange-
For it made the pain scattered
What is this comfort?  

Soon a smile was made apart of the appearance
Apart of the life
This curve was then around all the corners of the world

But where is the warmth?
The one that was felt in the beginning
It was always felt in thy heart
It was always seen when looked right..
But is no more seen or felt.
Blinked away,
It vanished
And where was thy?
Back in the cold.
The smile, euphoric?
What's that?

-fir.m

you walked in without a warning
into this beautiful artist's life;
although a lot from her was missing
still she continues to strive.

into her life you left a consequential mark,
since then she has never been in the dark.
the smiles and the feeling of blissfulness
came to her life as a vital witness.

she got moonstrucked by you,
from gray her skies became blue.
her art that embodies her psyche,
is now dedicated to that laddie.

every color in her painting
is a momentous thing;
they represent every felt emotion,
as she gave you her affection.

every line that was drew
was all dedicated to you;
those were just mere hand-shiftings
as to you is where she is drifting.

every outputs she has made
were feelings she has bade
as a symbol of romance,
just as her hands did the dance.

You faded out of existence
The ghosts of our memories haunt the planet we once lived in
I can still taste the blissfulness of your kiss
In my dreams
Reality,
Has become a nightmare eclipse by loneliness.

Having withdrawals
I am an addict
Craving for your touch,
A drug that once enticed a state of perpetual euphoria.

Reminiscing about the conversations about “forever”
An ideology so foreign to my ignorant heart
You
Only You
Made me oblivious to the ticking clocks
They seemed irrelevant when I was lost (and found) in the mystery of your hypnotizing eyes.

Your soul
A magician in a simplistic way
Presented an illusion of “love”
I
For one
Fell for it
Without remembering that illusions are not meant to be real.

The pleasure is all mine

when I see a nickel on the sidewalk
while on my way to the bus-stop
nearby,

and when I,
the fast traveller,
see a piece of weathered poster
whirled up in the wind

and then laid there
on the roadside forgotten,
yet still retaining
its hue vivid

—the colors are still lively at the least,
nevertheless.
    My heart grows into full vivacity
    when I see such serendipity so small,

glowing in brilliance yet so lucid,
in a manner ever graceful
—no matter how tiny that is—    
from the bottom of my heart
    
    —I'm being accepted
    into thy blissfulness, which may hold
    the wonders of the world
    ever imaginable.

i.

Mine doting of thou,
Is not wilting amour;
Mine love is more
Then floating, outside
Thy door.

ii.

Even in mine woe,
And caging dolor;
I shouteth thy name,
"Sweet jane' mine girl.

iii.

Whilst even in mine
Suffering, and the
Battle I'm in; with
Satan and his lackey's,
I wilt step upon them.
With thy help, and God's
Discipline, Jane O' Jane,
I'll soareth to the highest
Apex, mine plume's to expand,
Wing's to stretch; Yahweh's mighty
Word, to push them back to the gates of death.

iv.

So mine Jane,
I telleth thou this;
I'm not losing amour,
Nor am I tenderness.
I'm in the stage, of trans-
Figuration, O' soon queen,
We shalt meet in blissfulness,
Beautiful apparition's. Ghost's of
Old, ancient soul's, we'll tasteth
Cascade's of mezmerdade; bralishas
Of barinthia, thitherward the province of
Ourn holy one, next to El Shaddai, meaning
Elohim, also Jehovah, mine Jane and honey-
Bee. Aside the Almighty's throne, And elevated
Seat, his son Jesus Christ on the right- garbed
In robes that floweth with the vim of life. As there
Shalt be none need for the sun or moon, the creator's
Ourn light. A place that's right, wherein there art none wrong's,
Ourn sin's art forgotten within the angelic song's, these song's wilt be sung, on a basis of eternity; none ending, just befriending of the saint's at God's feet. Wisdom shalt be deep, from the beginning of ages, none more false prophet's nor greedy men to ruin the nation's, Concord within ourn Lord shalt follow the month's, as Jane, mine swain, it wilt be in this time's happening;
It's still thee I shalt want. So hold on tightly, don't let loose of mine hand, we'll trounce these dark bearers, and pour holy oil upon their head's, None more wilt they torture us, as they'll flee instead, before of ourn Lord, Jesus Christ, the risen, the man, the son of God, ourn protection, whom hath arisen from the dead.



©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poets poetry
©Earl Jane Nagley dedicated ( Filipino rose)

A city carefully structured by words
Each and every letter is an addition to the colors which contribute to a priceless piece of art
Each and every building is a reflection of a memory eroded by time
Birth of a civilization conquered by the rhythm of synchronized heartbeats
Echoes of timid voices are heard within the silent street corners.

It is a paradise orchestrated by simple chords of acoustic guitars
Reality knows no limit
It appears to be a dream touched by perfection
Loneliness
As an inmate, guarded by the blissfulness of our imagination.
The stars twinkling peacefully
Leading broken souls into intoxicating emotions.

A city which lingers a scent of hope
A city carefully structured by words.

Bioluminescent brain
Blending in the acid rain
The unforgiving nature
Of existence
Sinks its teeth
Into my slow decaying carapace
And whispers nothings sweet

the wilds - my eyes focus on a fragmented figment a magnificent magnification of my dreams, it’s enigmatic, electrifying, enchanting - bogged in a dismal murky muck of lost hope, worn splendor, a broken down, lonely deserted caboose waiting for a jolt, i watch my happiness, & my fulfillment steam away as i grow rusty and dilapidated - forgotten about - but as this fragmented figment magnifies magnificently, i feel the warmth, melting my heart of rusted metal, and loosening the hinges on the doors, as the figment enters the doors, i feel fear and terror, but blissfulness and amorous, i will be rebuilt again, and you’re the one, rebuilding my heart, my soul, and this dilapidated metal frame. Shape me and break the smoldering mold for me to be yours, so i am just that, yours.