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894 · Apr 2017
unconceited love
shåi Apr 2017
love is no longer
in words
unspoken desires
behind concrete statements

i talk to you
in the quiet nights
as if i was the
child of darkness

but you were my light

all ive ever known
is the darkness of love
born in its nothingness
my pen like a guide

let me feel again
i wanna love you
like i should
you deserve the best

and i want you to know that

you are my everything
and my anything
making me drift
into my fantasies
(b.d.s.)
sotp:most of all // jmsn
886 · Apr 2017
clandestine velveteen
shåi Apr 2017
burgundy velvet
a mixture of fabrics' fine--
dreams of our realm

its trail of red wine
like blood trickling on fine lace
chaos at its helm

a love not of haste
but with intentions in mind
beauty overwhelms

(b.d.s.)
i have been experimenting with haiku structure as it is one of my weaknesses
868 · Mar 2014
eyes.
shåi Mar 2014
eyes
are everywhere
watching me
looking at me

they watch my every move
deciding what i choose
judging my every word
they murmur in one accord

wrong.

these white pulsing sacs
with their orbs of earthy brown serpents
they surround me
in the dead darkness

the eyes
scream death filled wishes
to my heart
causing an unceasing pain
that cannot be ignored

one eye
stands out above the rest
it is a colourless white too
except the orbs are a somber black

the one eye
has always been a lie
but also a sign
the eye
was always mine.

(b.d.s)
862 · May 2014
hover.
shåi May 2014
i am
hovering between
me and
my body

i cannot think
i cannot dream
unreal is
what i seem

reality is not existent
its just a concept
the insistant resistance
of playful dreaming

i have just barely
made it
slightly touching the ground
drowning in the cushioned air

i must be suffering from
sleep deprivation
or one too many shots
of *****

air
has no gravity
increasing the longevity
of time

time has stopped
it is infinite
hovering slightly above
the current.

the present.

i fall
just as a star falls
euphoria washes
away from my eyes

reality surrounds me
as my breathing
comes to a stand still

(b.d.s.)
suggestions are very much needed! :)
852 · Aug 2015
cause of death: love
shåi Aug 2015
i have made myself
a slave
to my own deranged mind

i have prepared
my own funeral
the corpse is mine

i tried
many times
to save you
to the point
i couldnt save myself

the spirit
is only dead
i am too late

love was
my drug
ending my
nightmare so effortlessly

my breath
is now rejuvenated
in my process
of constant healing

i have been broken
many times
at the seams

to the point
healing is
unattainable


but the partition is
once again drawn
and a new era
has only begun

(b.d.s.)
845 · Jun 2014
painful fascination..
shåi Jun 2014
he was
special for me
he meant so much
to me

i assumed that
serrated wrists
might be very repugnant
to him

so,
i never let them show

one day,
he did indeed see
his face showed
signs of raw emotion

he did not see
the slashed wrists
or the drawn lines
he saw deeper

he saw the intentions
behind those straight lines
(maybe they were jagged)
and the kindness
that reeked of his heart
ached to help

or maybe it was pity at the time.

believe in yourself is
what he said
but his words seemed
like a deep dead end

he said
that those marks
did not define i was
or who i am today

it was
a mark of the past
a memory aching to be forgotten
battle scars.

he urged
me to let go
but that doesn't seem easy as it sounds

later he left
and the story remains
just another boy
i had loved and lost

pain still lives
just as it once did
except it had all just
been on my mind

(b.d.s.)
if you don't understand this poem: it is not about self harm on the body but  on the mind and courage... thanks for reading.. any suggestions PLEASE COMMENT OR SEND A MESSAGE! thank you :)
836 · Apr 2017
sounds of nature
shåi Apr 2017
one with the riptide
the wilderness like her muse,
docile like a doe

rolling waves pull her in
her hair, swept like the rippling current,
its embrace against the moon

(b.d.s.)
im very proud how this haiku turned out
824 · Sep 2017
a sticky situation
shåi Sep 2017
his words
clung to me
as if it was

sticky maple syrup

i loved the
way he
mixed his words and

sentences

and
the way they blended so
effortlessly

i loved
the warmth
his syrup drew

the slight hint of happiness
in his words

his word-filled
syrup
used to be my rarity

before it had
become my continuity


(b.d.s.)
821 · Jul 2014
spiritual death.
shåi Jul 2014
people act as if
mirrors
reflecting every image
like a real life playback

from every breathing
living soul,
to every eyeball that rolls
casts back a ripple of emotions

sometimes mirrors
are emotionless,
dead pieces of glass
only showing pain

torture and agony
carried on
from day to day
locked in aching hearts

reflections are not who
we are
just glimpses of what
we can become

becoming allows us
to develop
and become one
with ourselves

unity gives us cause
and cause gives us purpose
without it
we cannot be balanced

(b.d.s.)
suggestions please lovelies <3
chapter 2 of the reflection writing prompt... watch for chapter 3 coming soon
803 · Nov 2015
the trying
shåi Nov 2015
somehow i always
wrote poems
fantasizing about
the beautiful picture frames
and the way your hair shone

you looked so perfect
(at least that was what i thought)
it was only a facade
just a mere existence

i failed to write
about the way the blood
rushed through your eyes
like fire

i failed to see
how
a silent stream of tears
constantly fell upon your face

i failed to see
the imperfections of a love
so strong

i wrote about the mere
cliche
i failed to see
how the picture isnt as perfect
as it used to be
i thought you changed
but it was my fault all along

(b.d.s.)
i miss being on here sigh
800 · Jan 2016
retrospect. (14w)
shåi Jan 2016
i may have made mistakes loving you
but you made the ride worth it.
798 · Oct 2015
rip
shåi Oct 2015
rip
bury me in
the beach
along with my feelings

so that the waves
of love will gently
spray upon my face

bury me in the beach
so i may never see life
again

forget about me
im only a pack
of broken dreams
and lost desires

bury me in the beach
its where i belong
i am nothing
this is my self sacrifice

bury me in the beach
as i will make love
to the ground i had once
came from

(b.d.s.)
i love you
787 · Apr 2015
tape recorder.
shåi Apr 2015
this is the story of how i break free.

a bright white light
pours on my face
as i open my
eyes

i wake up
in a room
i hear faint voices
barely audible

i touch the
white walls and the soft
carpet floor

soundproof.

there are only
one thing here:
a recording turntable


this whispering sensation
continues
as i put the dial
on the vinyl

it buzzes
and cracks
and pops

then finally,
one whisper
emerges from the record

"im afraid to die"
"...my blood on such a *blank carpet
"
this piercing voice
only sounds once


faces emerge
like blankets of
empty white void
made known to the world

"im afraid to die"
the intensity grows
i scream and wail
mourning the lost souls

i turn off
the tape
recorder
thinking it
would all go away

i only wanted
it to go away
but wait, why
am i the one always
running?

running from who i am
what i want
what i love
gone.

piercing waves of
screaming
just constant screaming
in the dead silence

im afraid to die

i look
to the tape recorder
it was off

it had always been like this
all the time
i soon realize
that one voice
was always my mind

(b.d.s.)
1 year of reflection and now with 2k views strong i feel proud.. i wrote this poem in memory of the change i went through
783 · May 2017
{the third eye}
shåi May 2017
eyes rolling
about in their sockets
like bowling *****
rolling,
rolling
meadering through
such vivid hallucinations
what is truly real
may hardly exist at all
scenes created
the obstructive pins
of our lives
(b.d.s.)
761 · Jul 2015
...?
shåi Jul 2015
i told my heart
im sorry
for all the times
loving you was wrong
{b.d.s.}
many worls in progress.. this august.
754 · Apr 2017
{rosy fantasies}
shåi Apr 2017
the moon is pink
a hallucination 
of spring-time beauties-
forever serenade my soul

the moon
with its lovely
lavender & white hues
adored like a bouquet of roses

it was my illusion,
a dreamer's fantasy
my lamb in the
darkness

it served as a guide
in a world
without much beauty-
enveloped in madness

the stars
gather around
like angels on a
distant heaven on earth

my dream
had only been
an accidentally
fatal glance

the moon could
never be pink
just a myth
i tried desperately

to believe

(b.d.s.)
this poem was written from inspiration of the 'pink moon'that occurred on april 11th
740 · Dec 2015
dark auroras.
shåi Dec 2015
silence exists as wind billows
through the night sky
echoes through wary hearts
a sudden high

the landscape erupts
as loneliness is now confined
a freeing passion
remains of lost signs

the ocean depict
a pain deep inside
that is all but forgotten
in the shadows they hide

(b.d.s.)
this is one of the first rhyming poems i have written in years and im proud of how it turned out haha
728 · Nov 2014
suffocated words
shåi Nov 2014
i have fought
against every word
i have ever wrote
and will write
just for the urge
to suffocate
in the syllables
and punctuation marks
hoping for another day to
smile again
and also
to
be cleansed in a way
the creativity may
flow through me
once again
(b.d.s.)
723 · Mar 2017
half & half
shåi Mar 2017
running
but
i can never hide
always looking
for the door i can never find

love
rather
than paid in kind

it thrives in one
who keeps their dreams
always in mind

meanings bursting
at the seams
never exactly what it seemed

loss of self
or
loss of reality

the unknown ever
so enticing-
it was my poison

(b.d.s.)
686 · Jul 2014
euphoric delicacies.
shåi Jul 2014
i dont seem
to recall
what your lips
tasted like

you left me
longer than you
actually should've
i miss you more than ever

you moved on
and i moved on
(at least i tried to)
but nothing was the same

i've had so many kisses
but yours had been
far more different
(i wish i could remember...)

your kiss
had been like
sweet bourbon chicken
so irresistible.

when you kissed me
ever so desperately
it had been like a ***
boiled with assorted herbs

i love you.

i miss you.

i hope for the time
my skin of mine
shall be  made love to
by your chilling lips

(b.d.s.)
suggestions as always are welcomed! Thank you for all the kind comments I have received lately!
671 · Jul 2016
question or answer...?
shåi Jul 2016
do people fall in love
or
does love fall in people?
(b.d.s.)
sotp: lifted-palmistry
670 · Apr 2017
-/
shåi Apr 2017
-/
love falls
as fast as
bread crumbs
quickly escaping
a dinner table

love quickly
ends as soon
as it begins
they end with
an inaudible thud

as our hearts break as
it hits the unforgiving pavement


i guess it can be seen
as some sort
of experiment
that is left uncontrolled
foreign & unknown

it seeps
through our veins
it invades our organs
eats our souls

destroys our bodies

it is our silent killer
destroying us by
making us feel whole
happy easter everyone!!
665 · May 2017
cohesive footnotes
shåi May 2017
language has become
fool's talk
we gibber and gabber
to prove unimportant points
we speak
to disturb the silence of the world
we write
irrelevant symbols
to tell stories
untold
we wish
to make noise
for the simple
desire
to be heard

(b.d.s.)
662 · Apr 2017
spilled ink (acrostic)
shåi Apr 2017
students
pop
indispendable
liquids as
lives become
expendable,
desperately
in an attempt
now
killed

(b.d.s.)
this is different than most poems i have written.. i havent written an acrostic in many years!!
651 · Nov 2014
--
shåi Nov 2014
--
i want to be yours
just not a part of you
i want to be whole
one with you

i want to be yours
i want to be able
to attach the word
"mine" to your name

i long to be yours
just like the sun longs
for the earth
holding on in a constant balance

i long to defy the will
of the law
against the sins
of love

i long to
feel the warmth
of our hearts
becoming one...

like two hearts
exchanging blood,
feeling the pulse against
yours

love always eternal.

(b.d.s)
650 · Apr 2014
repulsive repetition
shåi Apr 2014
you are here
scrawled in the margin
of my college ruled
notebook

three words
filled with so much doubt
im tired of questioning

i dont want to choose
between confidence and uncertainty
because both hold
such empty promises

all i hear everyday
is what people say


lucy, you failed.
lucy, why did you bail?
lucy, you never changed
lucy, why are you here?

is lucy even here?

voices.
rise from the deepest
darkest corners

my name
construed on their egoistic
pessimistic
narcissistic
lips.

the cool wind
keeps my delirious thoughts
floating in the empty air

i am instantly
reassured that i am here
i am real

(b.d.s.)
suggestions are welcomed!
643 · Jun 2015
knee socks.
shåi Jun 2015
if you listen carefully
    there is a language
     that lovers only understand

    
it is within the stars
        speak in accents
            of love defined*

                                                      (b.d.s.)
637 · Dec 2015
underwatour.
shåi Dec 2015
used to speak in bodies
but now we speak in tongues
the frozen air bites my lungs

empties my soul from what it sees
lost black sorrows seep and bleed

gasping for reality while gasping for love
crushes my lungs, a pain undone

always sitting and waiting for a sign
always wanting things that arent mine

love was your favourite crime
especially if the heart broken was mine
(b.d.s,)
630 · Jun 2014
eclipsing fire.
shåi Jun 2014
one match.
kindled
one infatuation

this lit match
was contained
in a jar
in the innermost parts
of my heart

i protected it with
all i had
i trusted you

which was quite sad.

one day
you broke
this fragile jar

that's when it began.

hot sizzling ambers
glow red
as the morning sun

burning intensely
giving off an odorless smoke

see,
my heart
has been now set ablaze for you

its veins produce
a scorching red
liquid
that burns at the thought of you

it does not
only hold liquids
but it holds angst

angst
since you left me
in this fiery blaze

amidst the bright flames
at the bottom
lies coal

coal.
this black ashy substance
fueling the ****** agony

coal.
from the time
you betrayed me.
when deceit seemed
to only be on your tongue of fire
coal.
when you said
our love was like an everlasting cigarette
but instead you gently blew out the light
what a lie.

the blaze rages on
destroying the memories
of what used to be

it regains strength
it heals the soil
gives light to the new

it releases
exorbitant amounts
of catharsis
i feel it

the fire
will never die
with the unfortunate truth
that you were never mine

but the only thing that will be remembered
is how much i had tried

(b.d.s.)
suggestions welcome ! taken from the forthcoming release called way
621 · Mar 2017
the beast of the dead poet
shåi Mar 2017
there is a beast
that lies in a poet

it ***** the emotion
out of me
its face i can hardly see

pain was its great feat

i am his for the taking
love, he had been making

but was it really love?

the beast made me blind
to the pain i cant find
a tragic bind

the beast
renders me lost
afraid and broken
however,
love from it
was something i always sought

(b.d.s.)
thanks for the reception on my last poem!!
603 · Feb 2015
seething needles
shåi Feb 2015
hazy sedated thoughts
trapped in a collapsing world
of overdosed reality

it all begins
as he bring the needle
he injects the happiest lies
to dull my heartaches pain

it runs like morphine
through me
im in a state of
uncontrollable infactuation

he has hurt me
so many times
but yet
i hardly knew it

i ache for it
forgetting the mere fatality
i hate him
for doing this to me

i can hardly see my own thoughts
addicted to the feeling
of the cloud of deceit brings

why does love have to be
so effortless
yet
cause so much great pain?

i miss you
like the way
my dreams miss
being plagued of thought of you
601 · Sep 2015
house of love.
shåi Sep 2015
i am a slave to love
it drags me constantly
never letting me go

it eats my soul
disables me
swallows me whole

calms me.

it is so irresistable
i want to resist
i want to leave
but i want it

i am its freak
lock me in its box
tell me you love me
for i am dreadfully lost
(b.d.s.)
600 · Apr 2017
(web of hands)
shåi Apr 2017
hands.*
each a set of
5 fingers
a personal spider web
links us to the world
the delicate curvature
effortlessly bends and twists
like a winding road
stretching on and on
hands outstretched
like an eagle in flight, soaring
helping/loving/achieving
but also;
hurting/hating/ failing
each line
drawn on our palms
so haphazardly
by its calculated artist
our perfect imperfection
such lovely flaws,
bind us to our
faithful predestination
our bodies-
a lost compass, searching
our minds-
a wanderlust dreamer, waiting
for love,
our perfect traveler

(b.d.s.)
this poem i tried out a different form than what i was used to
585 · Feb 2014
califournia night sky.
shåi Feb 2014
as i walk down
the streets of my neighbourhood
i take life in a whole new perspective

the night's hustle
brings forth clarity
to one's eyes
it wants to be one - daring me

i surround myself
with the sounds
that make the night alive

i inhale the night's forthcoming
i taste the west coast air
on my tongue
the slight breeze
gently tickles my skin

i see the exquisite rawness
of the night
everything is black and white
colour is absent from sight

black and white thrives here
from the city sights
to the cars headlights
everything works in unison

the night's passing clouds
remind me
of who i am
where i come from
why im different

but  the moon holds
a secret unlike any other
it believes

(b.d.s.)
im actually not from califournia but this poem can related to wherever your from
585 · May 2015
melodious personification.
shåi May 2015
let me take you in..
i promise it will be quite lovely..

i want to thrive
in the shadows of
your mind

i may be forgotten
but i must at least
occur in your mind
once in a while

i want to be
your lady
of the light

you can be my little
prince of darkness
love me
with endless devotion

touch my collarbone
tell me
you love it
i know you do.

i lace my fingers
passing your
ever pulsing vein

you hesitate
i smile
your breathing
steady

your smile glowers
and i can almost
hear it ringing
in my ear

i see you
and the ringing
endlessly persists

i only want to
pull you in
cloak you
in my passionate love

two shadows
making love
in the infinite darkness


stupid and pitiful love

(b.d.s.)
i missed writing for a while
shåi Nov 2013
black counter
vacant chairs
running water

erased marks
abstract thoughts
delusional past-times
forgotten melodies

what had been long forgotten
was brought back current existence
broken desires
were sealed by unforgotten lies

(b.d.s)
580 · Oct 2015
claustrophobia.
shåi Oct 2015
there is a box
i am alone
dead inside
motionless

i figure that
this is only a dream
i am only dead


darkness swallows
me
into depths
i cannot see

i am confined
into the corners
of my own head

i try to run
but somehow i am
still trapped
stuck once more

i am a sinner of love.
what do i do? what do i do?
my shadows tell me
i cant escape too

my shadows keep
me as their prisoner
sell my soul
to be a slave of love
(b.d.s.)
570 · Dec 2017
silly string
shåi Dec 2017
i wove
my thoughts
of you
like vibrant yarn

turned every
slight feeling
into
something lovely

this tapestry,
complete in
its imperfections
displayed my love

but,

as i sew
yarn gets tangled
in its own web

i wait and ponder
as i hope to feel your
beauty again
will i ever feel your beauty again?
i am back
568 · Aug 2014
five marks
shåi Aug 2014
i begin to run
from the very thing
that i am

one.

the chase begins
a fight between
mind and body

two.

i suffer the inability to comprehend
the world and myself
my enemy is gaining control

three.

i lose my thoughts
i have lost the ability to
once love

four.

i punch the mirror
of myself
for words scrawled
hold an empty truth

five.

it never been there  all along
it had only been
myself

(b.d.s.)
suggestions are welcome!
567 · Oct 2017
inner devil
shåi Oct 2017
her soft lips
were my pillows
to keep me safe
cushions of
the night

her eyes pull me in
ever so alluring
enchant me
lost forever in her
changing world

im the words she wishes
to write
i am the pain she feels at night
alone in the light

i am the melodies
she wishes to hear
the love she wishes to
feel
the lust her heart
keeps
the infatuations
she seeks

i am the daydream
she live in
i am her alternate realities
she creates
i am the thing she wishes
to have
and the ones she never had

(b.d.s.)
566 · May 2018
fire princess
shåi May 2018
flashing red
crazy eyes
her eyes
mirror her feets

like soft charcoals
hitting the refreshing ground

pebbles tap the
soil quietly
a running oasis

her garments
sweep the floor
like steam

the face
pale as the invisible air
honeykissed by the dew
of the silent nighttime

i wish to touch her
be one with her warmth
but yet
she leaves my reach
drifting like
fireworks in the dark

her mind
enlightens me
as the candle dim
i would kiss her every thought

her voice
tinkling chimes
recourse through
my being
with her i am forever home
(shåi)
i have returned from the depths of my mind
563 · Dec 2014
questionable (chaos) ?
shåi Dec 2014
have we met before?
are you new here?
do you wanna text?
do you wanna hang out this weekend?
are you going to the dance with me?
do you wanna date?
do you miss me?
are you going to call me?
did you just choose her over me?
why did you cheat on
me?
was i not good enough?
was i not what you wanted?
did you never love me?
do you think i even think about you?
are you even that important?
am i crazy for loving you?
did i deserve it?
do you still think about me sometimes?
do you ever miss us together?

(blackout)

" i guess i love you
maybe im high
i probably am high

i want a single drop of love
im incapable of your loving ecstasy
for it is
an irresistible drug
"
(b.d.s.)
merry christmas!! i got some poems for you all! :)
563 · Apr 2016
pauses.
shåi Apr 2016
two bodies
pausing in virtual realities
colors tangle
as love falls

effortlessly.

(b.d.s.)
sotp: we were in love - ta-ku
562 · Jun 2018
grecian goddesses
shåi Jun 2018
the sleek
cool marble
chills run
down
the stone
delineations
and curvatures
of fine hands
and legs
white and pure

her eyes
blue
a fountain of youth
i wish i could bathe in it
forever

her blank gaze
from vacant
rolling ball
sockets
falls dreamlessly
into the oblivion

tinkles of music
hum and drone
noiselessly
like spoons
clattering to
the unforgiving ground

her cold heart
exposed
as she reclines,
back arched
ever so slightly

she is without
her soul and mind
the marble
her master
keeps her confined-
her own timeless paradigm
a late night release...
557 · May 2014
downpour.
shåi May 2014
pitter patter
a slight drizzle
of rain taps
quietly outside

the rhythm
of a infinite cycle
of life

the desolate terrain
echoes the 12am wind
blowing like dust

the wind is like thread
weaving love's lust
amongst the trees

the clouds are cloth
embedded symphonies
languages threaded within

torrents of rain
like empty bullets
inflict pain unceasing

lightning strikes
the earth opens
like the gates of heaven

heaven is amongst my eyes
i must be blinded
cries of lost souls

inaudible by the tapping of rain.

(b.d.s.)
taken from the forthcoming project who are you?
543 · Jun 2014
writing laxative
shåi Jun 2014
i have a great thinking capacity
but my thoughts feel like a mystery

my dreams
are eating me
faster than chipped concrete
breaking me
emotionally;
mentally.

thoughts translate
into garbled words
that i cant really communicate
i try to emulate
desires that
seem unattainable
probably unbelievable

brain-eating nightmares
like electrical cords
shock me
like a thousand swords

i am disintegrating
my mind seems to be decaying
probably rotting
or maybe i had just been dreaming

(b.d.s.)
suggestions greatly needed! sorry i had been on a huge writer's block! trying to overcome it! :)
526 · Aug 2016
(clarity)
shåi Aug 2016
reality has been
my anesthesia
swooning me over


it has taken over
numbs me to love
my feelings

i want to feel again
but i feel as if
i cant let myself

i want clarity
more than anything
a cluttered mind
does not dream

my dreams are my escape
my freedom
my key to worlds unknown

reality
only confined to the
ends of earth

but dreams last
forever.
(b.d.s.)
sotp: too much // pearl
525 · Mar 2014
changes
shåi Mar 2014
its quite funny
how people change
you think you know them
but you dont

its like
you just never know
what to expect

people change
they change all around you
like the leaves of fall
signifing the forthcoming winter

people just come and go
you need to learn to expect it
sometime they just leave your life
for no just reason

but sometimes life
doesnt give you
all the answers

(b.d.s.)
523 · Apr 2017
midnight waves
shåi Apr 2017
the tide rises
as love falls
timeless
and effortless

the tide falls
as desires endure
like diamonds-
resting gently on the shore

the tide surges
as lust tumbles
like a berating beast
its emotions bubble

the sea
like colorless crystals
gnaw with ardor
the skin of intimacy

the tide cascades
as love burns
a feeling once constant--
chastised forevermore

(b.d.s.)
pillaje // jmsn
510 · Aug 2013
you.
shåi Aug 2013
your nacreous  eyes
deep luscious blue as ever
they calm me
like the calm in a hurricane

they perforate into my soul
i cannot resist
a warble escapes my l i p s

when you look at me
with those iridescent eyes
my heart does pirouettes
i break into a form of e cs t a c y

i cannot hold no longer
i am in need of your k  i  s   s

(b.d.s.)
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