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The noon's greygolden meshes make
All night a veil,
The shorelamps in the sleeping lake
Laburnum tendrils trail.

The sly reeds whisper to the night
A name-- her name-
And all my soul is a delight,
A swoon of shame.
NUMB, half asleep, and dazed with whirl of wheels,
And gasp of steam, and measured clank of chains,
I heard a blithe voice break a sudden pause,
Ringing familiarly through the lamp-lit night,
“Wife, here's your Venice!”
I was lifted down,
And gazed about in stupid wonderment,
Holding my little Katie by the hand—
My yellow-haired step-daughter. And again
Two strong arms led me to the water-brink,
And laid me on soft cushions in a boat,—
A queer boat, by a queerer boatman manned—
Swarthy-faced, ragged, with a scarlet cap—
Whose wild, weird note smote shrilly through the dark.
Oh yes, it was my Venice! Beautiful,
With melancholy, ghostly beauty—old,
And sorrowful, and weary—yet so fair,
So like a queen still, with her royal robes,
Full of harmonious colour, rent and worn!
I only saw her shadow in the stream,
By flickering lamplight,—only saw, as yet,
White, misty palace-portals here and there,
Pillars, and marble steps, and balconies,
Along the broad line of the Grand Canal;
And, in the smaller water-ways, a patch
Of wall, or dim bridge arching overhead.
But I could feel the rest. 'Twas Venice!—ay,
The veritable Venice of my dreams.

I saw the grey dawn shimmer down the stream,
And all the city rise, new bathed in light,
With rose-red blooms on her decaying walls,
And gold tints quivering up her domes and spires—
Sharp-drawn, with delicate pencillings, on a sky
Blue as forget-me-nots in June. I saw
The broad day staring in her palace-fronts,
Pointing to yawning gap and crumbling boss,
And colonnades, time-stained and broken, flecked
With soft, sad, dying colours—sculpture-wreathed,
And gloriously proportioned; saw the glow
Light up her bright, harmonious, fountain'd squares,
And spread out on her marble steps, and pass
Down silent courts and secret passages,
Gathering up motley treasures on its way;—

Groups of rich fruit from the Rialto mart,
Scarlet and brown and purple, with green leaves—
Fragments of exquisite carving, lichen-grown,
Found, 'mid pathetic squalor, in some niche
Where wild, half-naked urchins lived and played—
A bright robe, crowned with a pale, dark-eyed face—
A red-striped awning 'gainst an old grey wall—
A delicate opal gleam upon the tide.

I looked out from my window, and I saw
Venice, my Venice, naked in the sun—
Sad, faded, and unutterably forlorn!—
But still unutterably beautiful.

For days and days I wandered up and down—
Holding my breath in awe and ecstasy,—
Following my husband to familiar haunts,
Making acquaintance with his well-loved friends,
Whose faces I had only seen in dreams
And books and photographs and his careless talk.
For days and days—with sunny hours of rest
And musing chat, in that cool room of ours,
Paved with white marble, on the Grand Canal;
For days and days—with happy nights between,
Half-spent, while little Katie lay asleep
Out on the balcony, with the moon and stars.

O Venice, Venice!—with thy water-streets—
Thy gardens bathed in sunset, flushing red
Behind San Giorgio Maggiore's dome—
Thy glimmering lines of haughty palaces
Shadowing fair arch and column in the stream—
Thy most divine cathedral, and its square,
With vagabonds and loungers daily thronged,
Taking their ice, their coffee, and their ease—
Thy sunny campo's, with their clamorous din,
Their shrieking vendors of fresh fish and fruit—
Thy churches and thy pictures—thy sweet bits
Of colour—thy grand relics of the dead—
Thy gondoliers and water-bearers—girls
With dark, soft eyes, and creamy faces, crowned
With braided locks as bright and black as jet—
Wild ragamuffins, picturesque in rags,
And swarming beggars and old witch-like crones,
And brown-cloaked contadini, hot and tired,
Sleeping, face-downward, on the sunny steps—
Thy fairy islands floating in the sun—
Thy poppy-sprinkled, grave-strewn Lido shore—

Thy poetry and thy pathos—all so strange!—
Thou didst bring many a lump into my throat,
And many a passionate thrill into my heart,
And once a tangled dream into my head.

'Twixt afternoon and evening. I was tired;
The air was hot and golden—not a breath
Of wind until the sunset—hot and still.
Our floor was water-sprinkled; our thick walls
And open doors and windows, shadowed deep
With jalousies and awnings, made a cool
And grateful shadow for my little couch.
A subtle perfume stole about the room
From a small table, piled with purple grapes,
And water-melon slices, pink and wet,
And ripe, sweet figs, and golden apricots,
New-laid on green leaves from our garden—leaves
Wherewith an antique torso had been clothed.
My husband read his novel on the floor,
Propped up on cushions and an Indian shawl;
And little Katie slumbered at his feet,
Her yellow curls alight, and delicate tints
Of colour in the white folds of her frock.
I lay, and mused, in comfort and at ease,
Watching them both and playing with my thoughts;
And then I fell into a long, deep sleep,
And dreamed.
I saw a water-wilderness—
Islands entangled in a net of streams—
Cross-threads of rippling channels, woven through
Bare sands, and shallows glimmering blue and broad—
A line of white sea-breakers far away.
There came a smoke and crying from the land—
Ruin was there, and ashes, and the blood
Of conquered cities, trampled down to death.
But here, methought, amid these lonely gulfs,
There rose up towers and bulwarks, fair and strong,
Lapped in the silver sea-mists;—waxing aye
Fairer and stronger—till they seemed to mock
The broad-based kingdoms on the mainland shore.
I saw a great fleet sailing in the sun,
Sailing anear the sand-slip, whereon broke
The long white wave-crests of the outer sea,—
Pepin of Lombardy, with his warrior hosts—
Following the ****** steps of Attila!
I saw the smoke rise when he touched the towns
That lay, outposted, in his ravenous reach;

Then, in their island of deep waters,* saw
A gallant band defy him to his face,
And drive him out, with his fair vessels wrecked
And charred with flames, into the sea again.
“Ah, this is Venice!” I said proudly—“queen
Whose haughty spirit none shall subjugate.”

It was the night. The great stars hung, like globes
Of gold, in purple skies, and cast their light
In palpitating ripples down the flood
That washed and gurgled through the silent streets—
White-bordered now with marble palaces.
It was the night. I saw a grey-haired man,
Sitting alone in a dark convent-porch—
In beggar's garments, with a kingly face,
And eyes that watched for dawnlight anxiously—
A weary man, who could not rest nor sleep.
I heard him muttering prayers beneath his breath,
And once a malediction—while the air
Hummed with the soft, low psalm-chants from within.
And then, as grey gleams yellowed in the east,
I saw him bend his venerable head,
Creep to the door, and knock.
Again I saw
The long-drawn billows breaking on the land,
And galleys rocking in the summer noon.
The old man, richly retinued, and clad
In princely robes, stood there, and spread his arms,
And cried, to one low-kneeling at his feet,
“Take thou my blessing with thee, O my son!
And let this sword, wherewith I gird thee, smite
The impious tyrant-king, who hath defied,
Dethroned, and exiled him who is as Christ.
The Lord be good to thee, my son, my son,
For thy most righteous dealing!”
And again
'Twas that long slip of land betwixt the sea
And still lagoons of Venice—curling waves
Flinging light, foamy spray upon the sand.
The noon was past, and rose-red shadows fell
Across the waters. Lo! the galleys came
To anchorage again—and lo! the Duke
Yet once more bent his noble head to earth,
And laid a victory at the old man's feet,
Praying a blessing with exulting heart.
“This day, my well-belovèd, thou art blessed,
And Venice with thee, for St. Peter's sake.

And I will give thee, for thy bride and queen,
The sea which thou hast conquered. Take this ring,
As sign of her subjection, and thy right
To be her lord for ever.”
Once again
I saw that old man,—in the vestibule
Of St. Mark's fair cathedral,—circled round
With cardinals and priests, ambassadors
And the noblesse of Venice—richly robed
In papal vestments, with the triple crown
Gleaming upon his brows. There was a hush:—
I saw a glittering train come sweeping on,
From the blue water and across the square,
Thronged with an eager multitude,—the Duke,
And with him Barbarossa, humbled now,
And fain to pray for pardon. With bare heads,
They reached the church, and paused. The Emperor knelt,
Casting away his purple mantle—knelt,
And crept along the pavement, as to kiss
Those feet, which had been weary twenty years
With his own persecutions. And the Pope
Lifted his white haired, crowned, majestic head,
And trod upon his neck,—crying out to Christ,
“Upon the lion and adder shalt thou go—
The dragon shalt thou tread beneath thy feet!”
The vision changed. Sweet incense-clouds rose up
From the cathedral altar, mix'd with hymns
And solemn chantings, o'er ten thousand heads;
And ebbed and died away along the aisles.
I saw a train of nobles—knights of France—
Pass 'neath the glorious arches through the crowd,
And stand, with halo of soft, coloured light
On their fair brows—the while their leader's voice
Rang through the throbbing silence like a bell.
“Signiors, we come to Venice, by the will
Of the most high and puissant lords of France,
To pray you look with your compassionate eyes
Upon the Holy City of our Christ—
Wherein He lived, and suffered, and was lain
Asleep, to wake in glory, for our sakes—
By Paynim dogs dishonoured and defiled!
Signiors, we come to you, for you are strong.
The seas which lie betwixt that land and this
Obey you. O have pity! See, we kneel—
Our Masters bid us kneel—and bid us stay
Here at your feet until you grant our prayers!”
Wherewith the knights fell down upon their knees,

And lifted up their supplicating hands.
Lo! the ten thousand people rose as one,
And shouted with a shout that shook the domes
And gleaming roofs above them—echoing down,
Through marble pavements, to the shrine below,
Where lay the miraculous body of their Saint
(Shed he not heavenly radiance as he heard?—
Perfuming the damp air of his secret crypt),
And cried, with an exceeding mighty cry,
“We do consent! We will be pitiful!”
The thunder of their voices reached the sea,
And thrilled through all the netted water-veins
Of their rich city. Silence fell anon,
Slowly, with fluttering wings, upon the crowd;
And then a veil of darkness.
And again
The filtered sunlight streamed upon those walls,
Marbled and sculptured with divinest grace;
Again I saw a multitude of heads,
Soft-wreathed with cloudy incense, bent in prayer—
The heads of haughty barons, armed knights,
And pilgrims girded with their staff and scrip,
The warriors of the Holy Sepulchre.
The music died away along the roof;
The hush was broken—not by him of France—
By Enrico Dandolo, whose grey head
Venice had circled with the ducal crown.
The old man looked down, with his dim, wise eyes,
Stretching his hands abroad, and spake. “Seigneurs,
My children, see—your vessels lie in port
Freighted for battle. And you, standing here,
Wait but the first fair wind. The bravest hosts
Are with you, and the noblest enterprise
Conceived of man. Behold, I am grey-haired,
And old and feeble. Yet am I your lord.
And, if it be your pleasure, I will trust
My ducal seat in Venice to my son,
And be your guide and leader.”
When they heard,
They cried aloud, “In God's name, go with us!”
And the old man, with holy weeping, passed
Adown the tribune to the altar-steps;
And, kneeling, fixed the cross upon his cap.
A ray of sudden sunshine lit his face—
The grand, grey, furrowed face—and lit the cross,
Until it twinkled like a cross of fire.
“We shall be safe with him,” the people said,

Straining their wet, bright eyes; “and we shall reap
Harvests of glory from our battle-fields!”

Anon there rose a vapour from the sea—
A dim white mist, that thickened into fog.
The campanile and columns were blurred out,
Cathedral domes and spires, and colonnades
Of marble palaces on the Grand Canal.
Joy-bells rang sadly and softly—far away;
Banners of welcome waved like wind-blown clouds;
Glad shouts were muffled into mournful wails.
A Doge was come to be enthroned and crowned,—
Not in the great Bucentaur—not in pomp;
The water-ways had wandered in the mist,
And he had tracked them, slowly, painfully,
From San Clemente to Venice, in a frail
And humble gondola. A Doge was come;
But he, alas! had missed his landing-place,
And set his foot upon the blood-stained stones
Betwixt the blood-red columns. Ah, the sea—
The bride, the queen—she was the first to turn
Against her passionate, proud, ill-fated lord!

Slowly the sea-fog melted, and I saw
Long, limp dead bodies dangling in the sun.
Two granite pillars towered on either side,
And broad blue waters glittered at their feet.
“These are the traitors,” said the people; “they
Who, with our Lord the Duke, would overthrow
The government of Venice.”
And anon,
The doors about the palace were made fast.
A great crowd gathered round them, with hushed breath
And throbbing pulses. And I knew their lord,
The Duke Faliero, knelt upon his knees,
On the broad landing of the marble stairs
Where he had sworn the oath he could not keep—
Vexed with the tyrannous oligarchic rule
That held his haughty spirit netted in,
And cut so keenly that he writhed and chafed
Until he burst the meshes—could not keep!
I watched and waited, feeling sick at heart;
And then I saw a figure, robed in black—
One of their dark, ubiquitous, supreme
And fearful tribunal of Ten—come forth,
And hold a dripping sword-blade in the air.
“Justice has fallen on the traitor! See,
His blood has paid the forfeit of his crime!”

And all the people, hearing, murmured deep,
Cursing their dead lord, and the council, too,
Whose swift, sure, heavy hand had dealt his death.

Then came the night, all grey and still and sad.
I saw a few red torches flare and flame
Over a little gondola, where lay
The headless body of the traitor Duke,
Stripped of his ducal vestments. Floating down
The quiet waters, it passed out of sight,
Bearing him to unhonoured burial.
And then came mist and darkness.
Lo! I heard
The shrill clang of alarm-bells, and the wails
Of men and women in the wakened streets.
A thousand torches flickered up and down,
Lighting their ghastly faces and bare heads;
The while they crowded to the open doors
Of all the churches—to confess their sins,
To pray for absolution, and a last
Lord's Supper—their viaticum, whose death
Seemed near at hand—ay, nearer than the dawn.
“Chioggia is fall'n!” they cried, “and we are lost!”

Anon I saw them hurrying to and fro,
With eager eyes and hearts and blither feet—
Grave priests, with warlike weapons in their hands,
And delicate women, with their ornaments
Of gold and jewels for the public fund—
Mix'd with the bearded crowd, whose lives were given,
With all they had, to Venice in her need.
No more I heard the wailing of despair,—
But great Pisani's blithe word of command,
The dip of oars, and creak of beams and chains,
And ring of hammers in the arsenal.
“Venice shall ne'er be lost!” her people cried—
Whose names were worthy of the Golden Book—
“Venice shall ne'er be conquered!”
And anon
I saw a scene of triumph—saw the Doge,
In his Bucentaur, sailing to the land—
Chioggia behind him blackened in the smoke,
Venice before, all banners, bells, and shouts
Of passionate rejoicing! Ten long months
Had Genoa waged that war of life and death;
And now—behold the remnant of her host,
Shrunken and hollow-eyed and bound with chains—
Trailing their galleys in the conqueror's wake!

Once more the tremulous waters, flaked with light;
A covered vessel, with an armèd guard—
A yelling mob on fair San Giorgio's isle,
And ominous whisperings in the city squares.
Carrara's noble head bowed down at last,
Beaten by many storms,—his golden spurs
Caught in the meshes of a hidden snare!
“O Venice!” I cried, “where is thy great heart
And honourable soul?”
And yet once more
I saw her—the gay Sybaris of the world—
The rich voluptuous city—sunk in sloth.
I heard Napoleon's cannon at her gates,
And her degenerate nobles cry for fear.
I saw at last the great Republic fall—
Conquered by her own sickness, and with scarce
A noticeable wound—I saw her fall!
And she had stood above a thousand years!
O Carlo Zeno! O Pisani! Sure
Ye turned and groaned for pity in your graves.
I saw the flames devour her Golden Book
Beneath the rootless “Tree of Liberty;”
I saw the Lion's le
The noon's greygolden meshes make
All night a veil,
The shorelamps in the sleeping lake
Laburnum tendrils trail.

The sly reeds whisper to the night
A name-- her name-
And all my soul is a delight,
A swoon of shame.
SES Jan 2014
beginnings
i see how we are.
We are cute.
We are "perfect" as everyone tells us.
But i see one problem.
i don't know how to love You.

i thought it would be easy:
after all my trials and tears,
i figured that i could love someone
if they loved me too.
Now i find that is not the case.
Now i find that even now i am still broken,
trying to keep from bleeding into Your own wounds.
Do i walk around on tiptoes trying to please You?
Do i hold my tongue while You hold me?
Maybe that is how i comfort You-
by forsaking my own.
Maybe i will grow to be this girl.
Maybe comfort is something that comes with the passing of time.
Time.
It always comes back to that.

After all,
i had my doubts.
God knows they were plentiful.
But now i look at You as if he stars aligned in Your eyes.
Your brown eyes.
How strange for me to like someone without eyes that remind me of water.
Water always brought me comfort as well as fear.
Maybe that is why i am always so drawn to them.
But now, as Your hands mesh with mine,
the world meshes with understanding.
Things seem...
okay.
That hasn't happened in oh so long.
i may have had spurts of happiness.
A period of contentment here and there.
Okay is a much different feeling.
But beyond this touch, how do i comfort You?
Do i touch the deepest parts of Your consciousness?
Will i ever touch Your unconsciousness?

i see our story.
i can picture it enveloping
days
or weeks
or months
of our lives.
And maybe that just makes me a silly schoolgirl.
But you know what?
This time,
i don't care.
Hurt me.
End up hating me.
Break me like i've been broken before.
But right now,
hold me like i am everything you have ever wanted
because i am starting to think
that you are everything i need.
i've given You more than anyone has ever had from me.
Do not make me regret it,
that is my one request.
i've never been happier.
Please don't ruin that for me.
Continue to treat me like a princess because as cliché as it is,
it's a worthwhile surprise.

The way i've fallen for You-
oh it's a mystery.
i lose all reminiscence of self-control with i’m with You.
i never expected the happiness that accompanies Your name.
i wasn't aware that i had the option
to be happy;
to heal;
to love.
But that's what i have now.
This is my life.
Who would have thought i could be this content?
This okay?
When i look at You i see someone i could fall in love with.
But that terrifies me.
Please don’t make me fall in love with you.
We're both broken,
but maybe we can temporarily heal each other.

i never thought i would mean
anything
to
anyone.
Why would i?
i am nothing special:
an average girl with impossible dreams.
i didn't expect You to treat me so wonderfully.
i didn't think i deserved that,
so i didn't expect it.
But You,
lovely You,
made me see that i deserve to be treated like the person You see me as.
You keep saying that You are worried that You could be treating me better,
well i am here to say that You have treated me better than i ever imagined
and i couldn't ask for more.
i never saw myself as being respectable
or deserving of love.
Yet somehow You saw me from afar
and decided You would be the one
to open my lifeless eyes.

update: I'm still learning to love
i am not used to these emotions and it scares the heart out of me.
i’m scared of happiness.
How ****** up is that?

But let’s go back to what i’ve said before:
“How do i make You happy?”
i was never going to be good enough for You.
How am i supposed to measure up now?

i know:
i’ll hide the scars
to protect You from worrying.
That’s my gift to You.
And i hope You never have the chance to say
“thank you.”
Could You really not see?
You are so easy to fool.
I could put scars anywhere on my body
and you would ask the same question
"did I do that?"
What a life it must be to not know
what the marks mean when they are right in front of You.
Think.
No, You didn’t do them.
And they aren’t cat scratches, darling.
Think.

i may scare You away
and i may not have the strength
to beg You to stay.
i’ll try to be better for You.
i’ll try to be the girl You see.
i’ll try to give You everything You need.
But I won’t let You in, let You know,
when doing so would just confirm
what i’ve been saying all along.
i. Am. Nothing. Good.

i will never be good enough for You
and i will always be crippled by the fear
of disappointing You.
Those are the fears i have never been able to
escape.
You don’t get it.
i am not someone that You want to love.
And as guilty as i feel about that,
i hope You always stay blind.

The melancholy’s dragging me down.
Please don’t let it drag you down as well.
i’d rather let you go that do that to You.
Today, i’m sorry that Your friends had to be the ones
to open Your eyes to how much of a mess i am.
But i think we are all kind of crazy,
not just myself.
And occasionally there is someone who matches Your unique flavor of crazy.
Oh and then things become magical.

i have found that people (me) are funny.
They crave love,
but reject it because they think they don’t deserve it.
What kind of strange sense does this make?
How odd to pick a person to give yourself to.
You.
i pick You to love me.
And You to hurt me.
You to heal me.
And You to break me.
i hate that You know me.
You know every inch of my skin,
but i’m still keeping the gates locked on my heart and soul
for as long as i can.

i am afraid that when this is all said and done,
i will despise all the little things i love about You.
i mean if we think in terms of reality,
this is going to end completely and utterly wrong.
There is no other outcome.
So is there really a point?
Why be happy now
only to be crippled by pain later on?
Can’t You see the pain in my eyes whenever i hear those words?
The way You romanticize death terrifies me.
So much of You is unknown,
so much of us is questionable.
But for now all i want is something of Yours
so that when i’m scared of losing You,
or ******* this up,
i can put it on
and fall in love with the comfort.

You told me one night in a low voice
(the one You use when You both remember or anticipate pain),
“i don’t want to be the mistake you made in high school.”
Oh love, i can assure You that i will be Yours.

Forelsekt (Norwegian): the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love.
Words are strange and language is beautiful.
i think You have even described me in such a way…

at least i was Your first something
I had a panic attack yesterday
as I was driving you around.
I was stupid and don’t worry,
I know I deserved it.
I made a mistake
and we could have paid.
It was the first one I had had
in such a long time.
And the first one I had had
in front of you.
I think it may have been the first you had seen too.
I’m glad I could be your first something,
even something as broken and chaotic a panic attack.
But isn’t that what we are?
We’re both a whirlwind of broken chaos.

As the panic took over,
all I could think,
and what made it all the worse,
is that you must have thought I was insane.
“Did I make a mistake with this girl?
Everything’s okay now.
Why doesn’t she just calm down?”
Only crazy people panic for such a long time
(and it was; it was the longest attack I had ever succumbed to).
Only crazy people start shaking even once they’re safe
(although I am sure you didn’t feel all that safe).
Only crazy people so desperately grasp for air that is easily accessible
(even I can’t explain it).

Once,
I had a panic attack in front of a boy before.
And you know what?
All he said was,
“It’s no big deal.
Just calm down.
Why are you freaking out?”
But that’s paraphrased of course.
It happened months ago and after that,
I promised to save my broken moments for solitary
because I could not deal with someone whom I cared about
not caring about me.
But you didn’t do that.
You were kind and you were calm.
And yes a little confused,
but that’s to be expected.

You’ll always take care of me, won’t you?
You’ll always protect me, won’t you?
I’m beginning to see that now.
Who would have thought that anyone
would ever want to care someone
so **** broken to the very core?
Not me,
that’s for sure.

Thank you darling,
for you words
and your actions that prove to a hard heart
that maybe love is real.
And maybe someday,
I’ll feel it too.
I want it to be you I fall in love with.
But right now,
I’m still closed in my tiny, claustrophobic cell
that I constructed around myself for the past few years.
I built it up with every harsh word,
and every bad day,
and every painful moment.
But if anyone can push through it,
babe it might be you.
So again, thank you
for you.

for you**
Is it really 2014?
Wow.
I made it this far.
That may be my greatest accomplishment.
It hasn't been easy.
Nature is telling me no,
and well nurture has yet to be a kind, nurturing force.
How much farther do you think I'll make it?
I won't die of natural causes,
of that I am sure.
Someday I will become the murderer of my own soul.
I still have most of 2014 let to live,
but how will I life it?
I can only hope it brings better luck than 2013 showed me.
In 2015 I'll be dragging myself through senior year,
and then off the dorm rooms and lecture halls.
Do you think I can survive that too?
I barely know where I want to go.
I barely know if I want to be alive to choose.
So how am I expected to think about the future,
if I am unsure that a future is what I want?

They used to say I was so strong.
I am beginning to think that "strong" is a jinxed term,
like "best couple" or "most likely to succeed."
Strong.
More like "tired, lost, and uninterested."

I made a promise to a very nice boy,
and I intend to keep it.
Here is what I have to say to him-
I won't hurt myself anymore.
I'll do that for you.
Much of the time, I don't want to live.
I don't really see the point to it all.
I've never been good at life
and I don't enjoy doing things I am not good at.
But you I will live for.
When I am with you,
I can see why people appreciate this whole thing called life.
I'll live for the day to day things that make me laugh,
because we all know that it's the little things that matter most.
I'll live for hope and a future,
that may or may not involve you
but I kinda wish it does.
I think that would be fun, don't you?

I thought I was a lost cause
but then you swooped  in and changed that.
You changed me.
So thank you.
I don't think I tell you that enough.
I.
Am.
Grateful.
For.
You.
So yes.
I'll live for you
because you taught me an crucial thing.
While everything may not be great,
things can still be good.
Laying next to you,
I feel safe.
Life for me is mostly a torrent of hits and misses,
of cards that I wish could have been dealt further apart.
But my life with you is... good.

I will live for no loner seeing your face contort into a terrified expression formed around puppy dog eyes as you ask,
"no more, please?"
while you trace the cuts on my arm.
I will live for days spent in your room because somehow we never get bored
(and I get tired of people at an alarmingly fast rate).

I will life for you because simply put,
I am in love with you.
This is our story, ever evolving
Camilla Green Oct 2017
Every day the sun stretched over the songbird’s ivory tower.
Nighttime ivy ringlets caught and pulled, like taffy,
sunshine tendrils into rocky satellite white.
She swung sunbeams into starlight
And I thought it'd drone on forever.
//
Every dawn the sun stretched over the songbird’s ivory tower.
Nighttime ivy ringlets caught sunshine tendrils,
pulled them into rocky satellite white, like taffy.
She swung sunbeams into starlight,
And I thought it'd drone on forever until

I realized that sprinkled sugar cookies made hands numb flammable,
that you can't feel them again until they leave the powder blue locker room,
until they're in the car, worried they might melt the steering wheel, when they’re left to figure out why.

Now streetlights gassed with Canadian lypophrenia
make snowflakes float like stardust,
while splintered lilac fingertips trace meaningless constellations,
as they ponder whether daisies can tell
if someone loves you,
                                       or not.

With firefly breath, I wished on dandelion dust
for December's cruel weather to warm,
so we could sleep forever on the concrete floor
and it'd feel like Pennsylvania moss and twigged leaves.
We’d swing dance in the sidewalk cracks
drowning in footsteps and manhole steam.
Saturn would bloom to petal dust in your wake
and you would never feel small.

And I thought cocoa butter was our solace,
that you'd be drenched in chocolate wishes
that turn ribboned skin to soft smile scars.
The Earth would lay enveloped and confessed-
a dripping orb of love and light thrown against
the burning oblivion of the universe.
I pull in the horizon like a great fish net
So much life in its meshes!
I call in your soul to come and see.


With the spring equinox, four-leaf clovers withered and died,
still-lit birthday candles melted into oceans
and heads-up pennies piled into roadway castles,
unwanted, unneeded by someone who forgot who she was.
I thought, for a moment, that I'd been wrong.

Within that rim of rose, there is ungravity and life on Mars.
But this world is a rememory of drought and oil spills,
drowning you in a warm, sweet, malignant blanket
of braided brown hair and tokyo tickets.
To you, my whispering lips screamed for palmers-
for 13 ounces of memories that were never mine,
and still, you slathered it on.

Our streetlights set and the sun flickered out,
the pennies I never reached for, someone else had picked up,
and the clovers I ignored, I now ached for with all my heart.
Eyes streaming, I reached for a shooting star,
but the night does end, dawn always rises,
and my precious last chance melted in my desperate hands

because i fall in love with everyone
and my lips are never chapped
  so now i eat cinnamon toast
   and I paint the sun
    with blackberry juice

In apple-killing cold, stars fade in the amber glow of tiger's eyes,
gray clouds are still bursting with starlight,
willow trees will forever weep diamonds,
and daylilies still steal away sleep.
This one's for you,
Well, I was tired of life; the silly folk,
The tiresome noises, all the common things
I loved once, crushed me with an iron yoke.
I longed for the cool quiet and the dark,
Under the common sod where louts and kings
Lie down, serene, unheeding, careless, stark,
Never to rise or move or feel again,
Filled with the ecstasy of being dead. . . .

I put the shining pistol to my head
And pulled the trigger hard -- I felt no pain,
No pain at all; the pistol had missed fire
I thought; then, looking at the floor, I saw
My huddled body lying there -- and awe
Swept over me. I trembled -- and looked up.
About me was -- not that, my heart's desire,
That small and dark abode of death and peace --
But all from which I sought a vain release!
The sky, the people and the staring sun
Glared at me as before. I was undone.
My last state ten times worse than was my first.
Helpless I stood, befooled, betrayed, accursed,
Fettered to Life forever, horribly;
Caught in the meshes of Eternity,
No further doors to break or bars to burst!
What should I be but a prophet and a liar,
Whose mother was a leprechaun, whose father was a friar?
Teethed on a crucifix and cradled under water,
What should I be but the fiend’s god-daughter?

And who should be my playmates but the adder and the frog,
That was got beneath a furze-bush and born in a bog?
And what should be my singing, that was christened at an altar,
But Aves and Credos and Psalms out of the Psalter?

You will see such webs on the wet grass, maybe,
As a pixie-mother weaves for her baby,
You will find such flame at the wave’s weedy ebb
As flashes in the meshes of a mer-mother’s web,

But there comes to birth no common spawn
From the love of a priest for a leprechaun,
And you never have seen and you never will see
Such things as the things that swaddled me!

After all’s said and after all’s done,
What should I be but a harlot and a nun?

In through the bushes, on any foggy day,
My Da would come a-swishing of the drops away,
With a prayer for my death and a groan for my birth,
A-mumbling of his beads for all that he was worth.

And there sit my Ma, her knees beneath her chin,
A-looking in his face and a-drinking of it in,
And a-marking in the moss some funny little saying
That would mean just the opposite of all that he was praying!

He taught me the holy-talk of Vesper and of Matin,
He heard me my Greek and he heard me my Latin,
He blessed me and crossed me to keep my soul from evil,
And we watched him out of sight, and we conjured up the devil!

Oh, the things I haven’t seen and the things I haven’t known,
What with hedges and ditches till after I was grown,
And yanked both ways by my mother and my father,
With a “Which would you better?” and a “Which would you rather?”

With him for a sire and her for a dam,
What should I be but just what I am?
Donall Dempsey Sep 2016
THE ANCESTORS

the ancestors
sifted bit by bit

falling through
the tiny meshes of time

until they become
you.
I was walking where my father and my father's father walked when I was their young age and both of them not even thinking that I would ever exist....now I look back through time and see them seeing me and not seeing me...a smile playing about their lips for no apparent reason that they can know. I have become the ancestors...walking in their muddy footsteps past the haggard...up the boreen...down to the wood field with the river singing itself to itself as it always has....this river too I claim as ancestor with its water and earth and sunshine of days gone by and days to come....as well as ancestors of flesh and blood...down to the bottom of the glen and the pool where huge dragonflies dance the summer into being in a time that is no more and forever.
bluevelvet Nov 2017
I guess
It's because
Well maybe
It's partially
At fault
That they didn't
Fade to nothing
When I was with you

You deserve
Someone whose baggage
Meshes perfectly
With yours and
So do I
On a bu-bu-brighter note
It's not so much of a mystery anymore
Pen Lux Aug 2013
I wake to push the sunrise back,
peeling my face from dreams
reality beams as my passage.
light storms through the peace,
questions arise, flooding in.
mourning commences routinely
as we find ourselves in the rapids.

white rocks, rocks that look as if they might explode.
rocks of your eyes, as they change color.
trees as your arms, with mountains for scars.

raw skies that break
and bellow
as they laugh with us.

leaving minds, we sift with fevered hesitation.
gently crippling for a quick ****, the catch
was almost effortless as my mouth became
a staircase. as I watched everything I wanted
ascend with my assistance, I realized no more
of it was for me and there was no more I could take.
No more that I could want.

desires chants no longer engulfing this fragile figure,
transparency threaded through the thick and soon
this figure became no longer lace, no longer tender.
this figure molds, meshes with the recess atmosphere
and dissipates into structures too bold for distinction.
Onoma Feb 2015
Of lavender, golden meshes--discerning
Goddess gargantua.
Lamp of fig tree and Roman chorus...waves crest
in a moonlit white as to knit the sultry
gown of your being.
Never once did you recant the definitions of love
and beauty, they stay and fever...dally the same
breath to deliver.
Here and there, wedged in towering hearts
they sway and splay forked flames.
You are signaled blatantly, and in
secret as holds the tolerance of those
you madden.
Venus...crash landing, riveted Xs cringe
and ripple in anticipation--marked and
moving, your children pass the ardent
thorns of beauty...clump, swell and
spill ****** roses.
You'll always seem uncollected, unstable--
your constitution's chasmic rift
claims...those you've landed upon.
They mouth love and beauty, wound and
bisected, their livelong day thrashes
to unify that breath...just to
sigh as if to say they see you.
Gia Garcia Apr 2016
What if we hadn't tried when we were 14
What if we hadn't given in to the flow of our generation
Maybe we would still be whole
Unbroken
Fearless
We had so much to lose
We didn't see we only had a little to take

We part ways,
Then find each other,
I almost believed it was real.
I almost believed it was fate.

But,
Seeing how you are now
With her
Does something to my heart.

It makes me feel as though what we had wasn't important
Nothing more than a flicker of light
It made me feel
Like I'm somebody
That is easily forgotten.

But from time to time, in my mind, I put you and I together
And all I see are explosions
Explosions
Explosions of which are not caused my fireworks
Then
Nothingness

Its what we've been doing.

Come back
Leave
Over and over.
We let our hearts explode
Until
We lose pieces of us
And eventually
Lose ourselves.

My Darling,
My insanity is not one you can withstand.
That is why you love her.
But not because she's normal,
But because her insanity meshes well with yours.

And truly, my dearest,
I am glad you found a hand to place your heart in.

Forever,
and Always,
My dear,
I will take you with me.
I will always remember you.
And everything we've been through and learned from each other—

We can't always get it right the first time.
First love feels
G May 2018
i take the flower by the hand

she guides me slowly and gingerly

i feel lost in the folds of her dress

she swallows the key whole

i am drowned by the beauty

of the distress and destruction

in the womb of worldly possessions

and distractions.

when can we go home?
Himmatul Aliyah Jan 2014
Don't want to hide long
Lake flow of love in silence
Ensnare tears in petals missed
Let all writhing
Because i'm still here in my silence

The sky tells
On the way of events
Among the meshes of time
The trail is also becoming obsolete story implied
Made me choose to remain silent
Stranded on Overlay story

Don't you ever lie to me
You have taken away the night - My night
Thieves of my conscience..!
i string words because the taste ..
verse after verse created ..
My script is not a mirage scratches ..
in it there is the spirit and soul ..
VESebestyen Jan 2011
You.
You've undone,
me.
Each
thread
snipped.
carefully and thoroughly-
not to miss a single
one.

They don't make them
like this,
anymore.
They patch with glue,
and nothing really combines-
really meshes-
anymore.
They squeeze tightly
to what they hold
but
they hold
nothing
compared to these old threads
bound
stitch by stitch
through canvassed paper.

Etched into my heart
woven
into my hips,
they don't make them
like
this
anymore-

they patch with glue and print
on thin
flimsy
sheets
of shredded tress immune
to routine they know so well-

Slice
Shred
Print.

In my days,
it was woven,
it was thick canvas paper that
paint couldn't bleed through.

It was woven into the spine,
threads of teeth
stitch by stitch-

Behold,
somehow-
you managed so easily
to
un
do
me.

Unbound
and with each
breath
another thread
slithers
loose
and
inhales, then hums
and settles.
-V
Colleen Brown May 2011
Lapping Seas, Warming Sands*

Warm sand meshes around my feet
as I walk forward and take a seat.
Baby blues glance forward at the sight:
at the yellow orb and its sorrowful flight.

Half-moon in shape, it starts to set
Where water and sea have forever met.
Pink, orange, and yellow reflect the sky
As I feel your warmth and hear you sigh.

Behind us lies the lurking dark,
But it has not yet left its mark.
For the teal of the ocean is like a spell
And under it I have fortunately fell.

Created here is the perfect evening
Love by my side, love never-ending.
With you tonight is where I belong,
On the sand, in your arms, this is my song.

DarkNightNess (C)olleen
Piano keys are dreams that illude me.
The sounds are so sensual, clacks that mock the gentle twinge of a note.
Like guitar strings plucked just so, sound as the weeping of stars.
Light that seems to melt away from its whole leaving a void.
I feel as though the world has become so much easier to hear.
The silence from indoors is a perpetual energy that feeds us.
Keeps us safe.
Yet the ecstasy of light on a dark night seems to call to us.
The blur of a grey black in the night sky that meshes so well with street lights.

The winter calls clarity to our eyes,
and the world seems to stand still while snowflakes move past our frozen bodies.
And each flake catches the bouncing particulates of a glimmer, making the air crisp.
Like the sound of ivory tickling the soft ridges of oxygen in our ears.
Commingling with the illusion of light behind our eyes.

And the foot prints in the snow,
foot prints searching for the morning glances of a sunrise from dew drops that are months away. They seem so lost.

As lost as unwritten notes to a beautiful mind.

As lost as a concerto performed in an empty hall.
-P.S.
May Asher Dec 2015
My love for you is beyond these limits,
beyond the reach of earth, space and heaven


I've stitched your dreams with velvet
And built your hope with cashmere


My life was an empty canvas, love,
I've filled it with you flawless face


Your crystal eyes, concealing broken emotions
And your eyelashes bowing down, hiding your eyes


Your eyes are the most beautiful I've ever seen
So vulnerable, they take my breath away


And with every single glance,
they throw me a little deeper in love


And every time tears stream down your little face,
my fragile frame shatters to fragments


And an agony rips through my veins
and rushes through my bloodstream


You destroy me, love,
with every touch and every look


With every smile and every word
Your beauty is too much for my eyes to hold


But still I dare to look up
as my irises begin to crack


You're so heartbreakingly beautiful,
It makes me cry and laugh at the same time


Your hair is spun with gold and crimson,
It's the shade of my heart bleeding for your love


And your hands made of porcelain
And your lips are meshes of honey


I swear, I'll carry you over the seas
And take you through the dark clouds


Love, I promise to keep my arms around you
Until you stop breaking and shattering


I love you but these three little words
does not contain the intensity of my feelings


for just I love you isn't enough
I'd rather drown, smile and say,


Love, I'll give my life for one moment with you
And every breath of mine for just one smile of yours.
All rights reserved.
Yenson Aug 2019
lifes in meshes with inherent leashes
liars in messes riveted with stresses in tresses
hearts full of Prosecco and bile from blinded Unesco

Looking for selves on shelves dancing with pansies in panzers
make-believers left-overs waging war in peace and pieces in ******
drenched in lives unknown and wares unearned in mires renowned

Owning miseries internal and pushing external for redress maternal
empty dreamers on steamers loving sad idlers with no water for later
eating stories without histories, crying tears with fears and no worries

Ways of their worlds, no molds for holds only emptiness for pettiness
and they race for pace to face the lace that grace an ace with no traces
citations of vacuosity of the sagacity of the mediocrity in their paucity
Leonardo J Dec 2016
death and decay
and we sink
sink
into the soil,
into mother,
deep in her as she shreds us apart,
she meshes us,
so that we may we sprout once again,
be torn once again,
*****, eaten, consumed, and tossed into the dregs of the most unfathomable wastes,
we sink,
sink
into into the soil.
Owen Carter Dec 2017
An autonomous program written for all,
The margin of error is rather quite small.
A day to day basis I go through my week,
Without any error it's bound to repeat.
The automatic smile when passing a stranger
Believe it or not the code is in danger.

A fault in the code that lies in my brain,
At first I feel normal but then feel insane.
The code is so broken that nothing seems real,
How could it be when this is all I feel?
Day in day out a feeling of nothingness,
Most mark it off as me being a pessimist.

It all meshes together and all feels the same,
All I want is to get out of this sick, twisted game.
No changes in schedule is really quite boring,
But the thought of change is super abhorring.
I look at my friends and know I should care,
But in the end my mind is just bare.
Kida Price Jul 2014
Journals strewn
Frantic writings
My thoughts are hewn
My mind is fighting
With memories and resolves
That I was describing
Younger versions of myself
Always complaining
Thinking that being bullet proof
Would keep them from shooting
If I could talk to her
The girl I was
Maybe shed some light and some tears
For her cause
Extract a little bit of blood
From those who manipulated her
From the bits of paper
Upon I once wrote
Words have always been a way
To communicate my joy and rage
Inside the diaries I would wage
Wars in my head
But the battles never escaped
They should have
Then now I would have a cleaner slate
To place newer memories of calmer days
Instead they live side by side
Thought I left behind my past
Instead it would just hide
Behind meshes of meat and coils in my mind
Bits of paper
Lonely words
Always written
Never heard
Trying my hardest
Not to sound absurd
In my attempts to be a normal girl
I guess old habits are the hardest to break
I continue writing of demons and angels
That never escape
Hold them back
Try to forsake
The others that live in my thoughts
Everyday
Only few outside of me
Can banish them away
Clear the settling dust of my fate
My bits of paper
My life in script
You can enter at your will
And live in safety of never being apart of it
I guess that's been my only wish
To live through words
To simply exist
Swinging my feelings from limb to limb
And always shifting regardless of whim
Rotting away underneath perfect skin
Dorian gray meets zombie land
Feasting and pleasuring on human sins
Knowing that's not who I really am
But on bits of paper
It contradicts
My good intentions
With my former riots
Never completely evil
Or wholly good
Knocked down off my feet
Where I firmly stood
Creeping with a soundless craze
They saw me smile and always misunderstood
Bits of paper
That's all I am
Past, present and future
That's all I have
Records of who I am
And who I'm not
I keep them all
In case they'll be forgotten
No treasure or wealth or object of praise
Will ever banish my words away
Yggy Aug 2016
(A collection, from across time;
for both the pearls and the swine)
-----------

(A letter)

To the walking scar of the eagle star,
You really haven't made it far.
You keep on finding ways to believe
There's reasons you should keep breathing.
From the trees you **** the air,
Stand on life without a care,
**** your waste into the water,
**** away your hopes and bothers.
Grime- and barb-encrusted bone
Without a hole, without a home,
Wandering post-happiness
Looking for a frog to kiss since
Fantasy is all that's left
In that body, soul-bereft.
You will die, alone, afraid
Time and again, day by day.
Ripped apart by your sentiments
Out-dated, almost archaic,
You fall from grace, all good outshone
By hate you let flourish and grow
Deep down, rising up to scratch
The surface, and just like a match
You are consumed by your own design,
Blotting out all the lines.

You are alone, and you are afraid.
You know, all of this, you made.
You see what your efforts wrought,
What your neglect brought, what your lies bought.
You will die, alone, knowing
The winds of change will keep on blowing,
Over you

And away

Dear star, don't be afraid.
The wings of strange creatures such as you are,
Mangled though they may be,
Will take you somewhere comforting

Eventually.

-------
Push away, on the boat
Lift it up, the sail
Cutting through the gray coat
On the river Fear

Looking for the islands I
Know must be there
Places that I love

Places that I care for, and
Reach above
The water I must be careful
to stay out of

-------
(That blues horse)

I've been shown to the water
The waters don't flow for me
I've been down to the water
Followed it to the sea
Knew I couldn't stay any longer
When the tides got mean
Maybe we should call a doctor
I'm drowning
I tell them not to bother
*** I know I must go sometime
and these
Waters

Do flow
-------

I tote a swag, but I don't slay - em.
I got the cards, but I don't play - em.
You'll never catch me out there ballin'
Never receivin any calls and
I buy them bags, n I don't weigh - em.
I get the bills, n I don't pay - em.
I am not on top of ****, but my
Mind my body soul n spliff are lit, I'm
Losing my mind, hear what I'm say-in?
Don't wanna die, but this ain't liv-in.

-------

Almost everybody seems afraid or angry
Raised not to do as done but what they say
Everything's backwards with eyes open, crazy
Violence and abuse, TV-MA

Stay faithful to the system, they'll change eventually
Tomorrow can wait then, it's just another day see?
It's all in the now, you are the center of the happening.
Turn around, smile with your missing teeth, be happy.

Nothing is perfect, so it all meshes perfectly.
Everything is magic, so nothing's magic technically.
The world branches out based on your understanding.
Love. No locks can withstand the key.



-------

Slop on those

little

nuggets of

silent gold.



Lay them out

so maybe

they'll give back

them shoes.


Then I could

run

so fast, you'd think

I took a bite of

young bent's

Mars bar

and didn't get away with it.


This is kind of

like Christmas for me,

When all the gifts

are socks and clothes.

But no shoes.


Or like

when the food you microwave

is burnt along the surface

and frigid in the center

so you get tired of waiting

and just mix it up

vigorously

only to find

that doesn't really work

too well., but,

you knew that.


You'll do it again.

-------
(arbor)

Burning diesel so sour,
Coughing up strawberries
For about an hour, now.
The train done wrecked
And the dream went blue,

Look at what these trees are doing to me

-------
(oml)

Old man Luck never had the roots.
He missed out on many a thing.
He was caught underwing in his first spring,
And so grew used to them walkin boots.

Old man Luck was weighed down
The day that he laid down his
Hopes, and his
Fears, and his
Needs.
Dragging around him
Those dreams that have bound him
To their cold
And lifeless
Remains.

-------
(Gtttttt)

I know you've been wondering
why I do... certain things.
You've only seen a little, and
that's apparently all you need.

Shallow being.

I won't let you make it
water under the bridge.
No, I won't let it be
what you try to make it.
Can't you see? You're fake,
and those aces up your sleeve
are showing. How ugly;
your tricks, foul comments.

Hold

You're blowing it.
Bad signs are homing in.
The seeds you've planted
are splitting with cannibals
that know how to flow with it.
Take control of it.
Take responsibility for your deeds,
see the patterns
and quit ******* ignoring it.

Hold

-------
()

Wake me up now, don't leave me hanging
I don't know how it is I'm found
I haven't seen a trace down here
That's why I'm off the ground

Fill my cup, my soul needs arranging
New Feng Shui, maybe silver-plated clouds
Left to climb. Now I'm left hanging
Maybe I should just jump down


-------


Vintage
maybe one day I'll be
Vintage
With the special plates

The catchy name
The allure
The grace

Vintage

It is a race
Against time

A pace
A sign:

"I will cheat death.
Life's just a ride."

Vintage

Never left behind

-------
(ye)

I'm losing it.
I'm about to give up.
No I won't.
I can't, anyway.

I'll keep on going,
Blood and guts and
Bones and all,
All over the floor.
I've littered the **** out of
**** near every situation
I've ever
found myself in;
Throwing up quietly
at the sight of all this
possibility.

Don't you see?
I'd love to be there.
But for all relative purposes,
I'm not breathing

-------

Body-broken, mind-choked, heart-less monotony

Soul-******, fresh-bled, flesh-less anomoly

Spoiled leftover. Improperly stored meat.
Wolf it down daily. Was it ever sweet?

Tainted courier of a love-less soul,
Bow to oblivion
~~~~~~~
Fgai


I'll keep looking but I won't see
Forget about it
I'll pretend I'm something I don't wanna be
Forget about it

I'm everyone in their cars, in their homes, on the streets
I'm everywhere you are, yea I'm everyone you meet

I'll keep listening but I won't hear a thing
Forget about it
To be continued
lori parr Sep 2019
While those bewitching hands combine,
With matchless grace, the silken line,
They also weave, with gentle art,
Those stronger nets that bind the heart.

But soon all earthly things decay:
That net in time must wear away:
E’en Beauty’s silken meshes gay
        No lasting hold can take:

But Beauty, Virtue, Sense, combin’d,
(And all these charms in thee are join’d)
Can throw that net upon the mind,
No human art can e’er unbind,
        No human pow’r can break.
love, a chemical, love, chocolate

tresten tray deny defy, travesty trancending

******* bubbly bursting

interesting enough, a somba, met in march

making beauty, cellphone curiosities

Good times, good times, loved ones who made makers

dulce de leche, jive jive

boomering, blame, none, no no no, sake for sake, for curiosities sake, lots of that, a-floating, a wondering, a wishing

televisions pronouncing, ba ha ha ha
toot toot toot to that you old goat

love?  more, chocolate, dripping, ecstasy, dreaming, delicious!!

sentiment, sappy, taffy, the kind at the boardwalk, almonds, more, talk

tales, arcades, simple sayings, sorted out, soothing, sounding, surrender, the aesthetics, why why why, are they, projected, yet shunned?  

ugliness, the frailty, beauty, the majesty, why to all of these things?  

Ugly the, pronounced, the, proud, accentuate the, not nakedness, the, known, the pronounced, the political, in an undertone, understatement, no no no

taken up with projects of, bie bie bie

frail, your a ghost, with your camiseta, you're something else, go ahead and be

that something else, hahaha aha haha , smoke is clearing your lungs, fascinating, when the curious blends, meshes, cleanses your soul, why why why

bid farewell to your late fresh husband, he's off goodbyeing to power, which is easier said, power fresh in hands, power of statues standing time, however, power, loved by many, simplified with sentiment, body, release, taken over with the right mix, the right.... set


power, none, other, no, non, power, pulsing, bothered, hot, no

eased up again by mix, mix mix
Sequestered May 2016
Entombed amidst her secret crypt,
Eclipsed beneath clumps most tranquil;
Free from meshes and muddles kept,
Her wit and sense to feed my quill.

From clamorous cares I oft escape,
Into thicket whence thoughts she thrills;
To be aroused by lush landscape,
From whence within my fount she fills.

Amidst her ***** whence thoughts bloom,
Lies fantasia beyond this realm;
From cryptic and grotesque and gloom,
To glad ardor from engrossed helm.

From her caress my ink I spill,
Like streams and dreams as rivers flow;
To stanzas strummed from heaven's hill...
That hearth and home whence spirits glow.
Elizabeth Nov 2014
City lines illuminated by animated street lights reflect off of your skin.
Images of infant filled houses
and hospitals with new born fetal babies, juxtaposed fatal mothers,
emit off your body
in black and white stop motion,
slicked by this canvas of fluid blanket
And you, victim of lifelessness
lie cold and waterlogged
inhaling liquid, the new source of oxygen,
your eyes fogged and inverted submissively.
What was sung to sleep by hymnal chants  
of incredulous mourning moans now lies
Dead
on a forgetful Sunday Evening.
The street lights give no respect
as they ponderously encroach,
Leaning in to hear your fleeting birdsong.
These lamp poles, tender and limber,
flex to form prayer circles, forgetting their rightful footings.
And with each inch bound tighter,
the circle emulates a power emitted through photonic light beams
bending irresponsibly to get closer to truth.

They then see it, and so does woman
Stopping by this wooded mausoleum.
She stands with inquisitive mittens, palms open and receiving.
Flecks of skin lift off your sinking vessel as what was you leaves into better places.
They drift, forming a clouded colony
crawling  up webbing left to lead them correctly.
Each inch spreads more purity,
each meter strengthens recent weaknesses.

Woman notices a cloud gather above you,
and each particle refracts the whole galaxy with increasing detail and accuracy.
As your body turns to skeletal structure
you seep faster into the silt-heavy waters below,
your bones creating playgrounds and Eiffel Towers, hospital white in hue,
so clean it hurts.  

The cloud moistens with rain,
it becomes heavy and starts to drift,
rocking,
in futile attempt to birth again.
And each fleck takes woman.
She spreads eagle and takes flight.
Toes lift individually and with lessened pressure,
she stretches each appendage as your flesh meshes with woman’s in unconventional ways,
every crevice and crack blanketed by you, what was.
The street lights pulsate as they observe in amazement
your transformation.
All is forgiven while the lamps induct you into purity
and absolve woman for witnessing this connection to God.
In memory of an 18 year old that died in our campus's botanical garden pond on the Sunday evening of Homecoming weekend.
A Alexander Apr 2020
It’s only thing that brings me back to my truest self,
the self that only the wild air , trees and inhabitants know
Its spirit meshes with mine and I am whole.
I have been loving opportunities I have now to be more connected with nature and my spirituality.
Sam Winter Feb 2016
U**nder this gleaming metropolis of glistening soot and dusk-wrought neon where the glint of warped metals meshes with the matte stone of forgotten monoliths, alone among the smoking alleys at the feet of the colossi, where the refuse of life struggles to cling to its short existence – dug into the niche of mortar and debris…dies the man.

     Through blistered, twisted lips; across a swollen and useless tongue rushes the smog and ash of a moribund city. Among the remnants of plenty and bounty, surrounded by the epitaphs of hopes and dreams sags the flesh of a forlorn and desolate being. Behind the cold, grey lens – worn long thin by atrocity and anguish – falls the gaze of the wise embittered soul.

     Across the winding paths of debris and twisted shapes, stretched thin by lives too quickly used, that infinite, tired stare falls. Upon the familiar and torturous vista of rubble and decay and struggle, recognition bids its due; and acknowledgement greets this truth: “All I see before me – this dull, and sorrowful struggle – all I see will meet its end. What looms before my eyes and hides beyond…all will perish.

     “As my brother bloodies his nails against the façade and spills his passion upon false altars, he will seal his fate and his soul will know no rest. And my sister will cry alone amidst the vastness at the expanse she has yet to cross; and she will cross it still, until her bones crack and grate against the pavement…and yet, she will crawl until her life, too, is spilled to mark her passing. And I will stand where they have stood, and bear witness to the crimson testament of their stubbornness. And I will not grieve.

     “For I have left my warmth to false gods. I have marched upon the zenith. I have bore witness, and bathed in the sorrows of my fellows, and cried at the torment I have found, and stood among the jagged peaks – these headstones of steel and strife – and there have I known my purpose.”

     There amidst the cold, hallowed edges of night and eternal sleep, the man lies alone. Atop the bones of his life and his companions rests the weary traveller, where strength has no hold and pain has lost its fangs; where the zenith meets the twilight and the wound bleeds no more. For the march will end, and the worshipper will fall, and the ash and the light will mix with the hum and stench and all will be lost to the frail, last glimpse. And give way they shall as the man removes his sight from his dark and dreary life and looks upon the stars as they dance through the whisps and ghosts and whisper his name and beckon his soul, and usher his life from the stones.
Star BG Jul 2017
Touch my senses with a sun
my fellow writers.
A sun that hangs beside my prose.
One that meshes with heartbeat
to emanate power.

A sun that warms my heart
and gives mind a spur to write.

Touch my senses with a sun
and I shall smile.
A sun that catches energy of day.
One that meshes with soul and breath
as I bow in gratitude.
Does anyone ever get a sun???  :)
I’m a psuedonym to towering inferno,
Meshes and cardboard henchmen surround me,
the only person I would let in through the gaping hole in my chest is you.
I’ll keep you warm.
I’m sorry for all the times
my flames go wayward and
tremble/burn your soul.

I’ll keep you warm.
Within the depths of my heart.
Sea Dec 2013
heave into
my structure
with the force
of a calamity
the clashing of
bare skin the
shaking of
metal bed,
low breathing
breaks the
silence and
meshes with
the clanking,
one last
shove before
we collapse
as if each
other is the
floor after
a long
hard day's
work
Joslin Jones May 2015
The facts that we even
Cross paths,
Our eyes lock
And before you can
Blink—
He's in my arms.
Yearning,
Learning,
Forever unknowing.
How these paths,
Interlock tighter
Than your hand
Wrapped around
Mine,
Like it's rooted there.
You bend,
I tare,
This heart beats 
To the same 
As yours.
Like the river flows,
The knowledge grows,
And so forth 
In many lives,
I cherish the 
Kisses,
And how he misses
Me when I'm gone.
How he meshes 
Kindness,
Ruling out his flaws.
Dangling 
Like prey; 
This game he loves
To play, 
Has met its defeat.
Grounded,
Profound truth,
My feet have never 
Felt more stable.
Standing firm,
Burly,
And tall,
I don't need a
Man that repeats
Trickery at best,
These lessons 
I've dealt with
Come with a price, 
And you've been
Lacking luster 
Since the day
You arrived.
#personal #relationships #orwhatever
Star BG Sep 2017
Source energy wraps itself
gracefully around my thoughts.
With inhale, I feel its power.
I feel the urge to create,
with rushing wind
that meshes in footsteps.
I sense the powerful waves
of loves light
that guides my journey.

Source energy flows within,
gracefully enhancing my life.
With exhale I feel its gift.
The gift that lets me
spread etheric wings,
upon earth.
The gift that’s
always bestowed.


StarBG © 2017
David Betten Oct 2016
Fisherman's intro, from "The Floral War."

FISHERMAN
            Well well, what have we here? Some field of view:                      
            The turquoise circle of the dazzling sea
            Blazes her setting of bright-banded sands,
            Where on this first, chill morning of the year,
            Our sun arises to peruse his course,
            And I, to tease my living from the deeps.
            Come, gilded fishes, hither to my net,
            You shimmering schools of perch, soft octopi,
            White-shingled shad, and jade-scaled terrapins,
            Plump, krill-fed dwellers of the pickling brine,
            Come now to me. To pray you have no fear
            Would shuffle with the truth, as I intend
            To angle for your lives, yet spoil me,
            For I who come to act unneighbourly
            Am poor, and strapped, and only bother you
            Compelled by leaky-seamed necessity.
            I have my wife’s own hatchery at home,
            And you, my friends, must make their maintenance.
            So, rush my meshes and forgive my faults.
            Whoa there! What vision’s this? Green goddess, say,
            What monstrous marvels wander on your face?
            This cannot be! I am awake, and sane,
            Yet seem to see a wading range of hills,
            A chain of dizzy-peaked and scraggy steeps
            Whose groundworks bob like buoys in the surf.
            Yet now this restless reef flows closer still,
            Resolving as spray-freighted citadels,
            Wave-buttressed towers romping on the breakers,
            Their canvas banners snapping at the breeze,
            Whose men wing down from ropes to pace the decks,
            And screen their eyes as if to locate me.
            I’ll hustle to my chieftains with this news,
            And let their cry of ominous novelty
            Alert each ear from here to Mexico.
            My life thus far was bright and fancy-free.
            Oh, why must change then come to quiet me?                        Exit.
Star BG Aug 2017
I sit feet firmly planted
mind aligned.
Ensconced as I enter
a world inside
the creative either’s of internet,

Letters tap away
like making beautiful sounds
that mesh with birds song.

My fingers come alive
on diving board of keyboard,
feeling the vibrations of words
waiting, like bride at alter
or midwife ready for birth.

They move gracefully,
tapping upon sea’s keyboard
whose tide of letters
carry a calm aura.

Time stops
as I become a bird moving
gracefully across open sky,
to anoint a white cloud-like page.

Every footstep becomes a word
as I journey with hug of breeze.

Every phase meshes with breath
with purpose to a gift another’s eye.

And when action is taken
to release into poetic either’s
my creation, I smile,
knowing perhaps
another heart I will open."



StarBG © 2017
inspired by phase either

— The End —