Overheat in sun, I am in idle, unable to

Run away from fears, lies and denials,  they catch on

Everything I do, all tests and trials, and they drag me

Toward

The sun.


-
--
---
Nowhere to hide.
I greet the serpent, coiled inside.
Striking my mind.
And my heart faithfully carries the bite.
Time and time again,
I am freed through this affliction.

Wind and unwind.
A towering knot, deeply entwined.
Wrapping my mind.
Finally, my heart is now blind.
Time and time again,
It beats through this decision.
---
--
-


The fever of life, unbound and wild, telling me to

Copy the path, be a child, and in time these

Serpents that bled me, will feel the heat, and hungrily

Come to

Consume

This pain.

Deny it if you wish.
We all live for this.
It makes no difference;
Meaningful, meaningless.

To dissolve your walls,
To play with this trigger.
To let it go off,
Then return it to sender.

Call it a holy act.
Call it something sick.
It is still a fact:
You want it.

Hands in my head
Fingers in my eyes
Worlds of said
Fury of minds
Guns in my heart
Bullets in my veins
Rupturing the soul
Blowing up the brain
Laws in my body
Bribes in my health
Chemicals, the jury
Reactionary wealth
Angels in my heaven
******* in my hell
Reservation limbo
_

You                   let                        go.
What it could've been, well, we'll never know.

Line up your memories in a row.
That way, when they fail, you won't
be confused
anymore.

There won't be a single thing left to throw you off your trajectory.
There won't be a single lingering unknown.

Leave it all in a neat little line.
Shouldn't take long, you've barely lived your life.
Disregard the voices in your mind.
Your heart has died, they'll tell only lies.

Let.         It.           Go.
Quit fighting for whatever, God only knows.

Give it up and welcome in the cold.
It's all you have left to hold.

The spaces you carved out in me
left behind some figure
for the way I ought to be.

The traces of you, that fill me,
all I can remember,
leave me empty.

I can't skip rocks over lakes or rivers.
I can't go down without the surface
coming down with me.

I can't keep talking and thinking I'm sane.
I can't see how others make the ripples
and claim to see clearly.

Whatever is left of me,
if you can remember anything
I've ever said,
down any path I've ever
led you, or
wherever you've led me,
if you can see me,
I'm free now,
for this world that is
always taking.

There's no need to lie to me,
there's no need to comfort this
dying fool who
wasted his time, pining in his
prime for a
chance
he knew
would never come.
After all, this
misery was by
design, to save the one
I love.
It's over now, I'm giving up.

I don't want your
sympathy, your
thoughts or your
prayers.
I wish I could illustrate
what I've won from this dare.
How do you
describe something
that isn't
there?
I lean on the hope that
what's left of me,
you'll share.

I took
so
much
effort
bleeding out this
place,
I've
emptied every coffer,
every altar
defaced.
I
scraped
away
the pretty paint
looking for the
matter,
and there it was,
this emptiness, getting fatter.

Now I sink in,
once again,
to this bog
I've been
stuck in,
struggled in,
woke up in,
fell asleep in,
dreamed in,
broke free in,
feared in,
**** and ****** in,
got cleaned in,
once again,
it takes me under.