Drifting off in mid-day
She is there in my parent's house
Where she should not be
She's never met them
been inside their home

...and besides
She's dead...

Don't know where I drop my brains off
or my heart
when sleeping
I so clearly know this
but I dismiss it
for the moment--
go along with joy
to have her with me once again

She looks so well!
Her pale skin flushed
below her ragged, reddish hair
Wearing peacock blue sateen
as always
dressed to ****
to go somewhere
anywhere
away
from loneliness
from cancer

...and she had included me
on her glorious outing
without title
without honor
I had been her teacher-friend
like an elder wedding guest
she had grown
beyond ...

She helps me dump my canvas bag of poems
on my parent's bed
Where I conceived them
or they conceived me

“What about this one?
Or this is a good one too!
I know you can do this!
You read so well!”
she says
I'm thinking, “This is not like Jenn,
so reversed
for her to give a thought...
and besides, it is not even my event!"

Now she's in my mother's place
in her 1950's closet
pushing hangers across the rail
She would find it--
something
I could wear

I am so transported by the smell
of memories
that I don't care
mothballs, lavender, perfume
I get distracted deep within
almost losing track in the euphoria
to have found my friend again
I lose a moment in the soft fur of mom's mink
clipped together mouth to tail
to form the stole
an ouroboros
With its beady eyes
on me
like death
would drape across my shoulders
given half a chance

When from its mouth of glamorous lies....
Jenn shoves me through life's opened door
She has found that dress!
I wore...

the one with hope, and future's
purple flowers
dropped waist and scalloped neck
Yes, It would do, “Yes!"

But now,
she makes excuse to leave
...of meeting Joe
...of going on ahead...

I know
she must

as this is all some clabbered past
a gift of dreams
Still, I want to hug her
just one last....

but she feels empty...

In embrace
she turns to ash

She is beautiful.
Her dress is soft over her body like prom queen thigh silk,
her hair running down her back like God  never gave up his gold.
I could see her smile across a room,
and even if it wasn't real,
(I don't know)
it was beautiful:
her hairpin curved lips and blue eyes that don't read
"Drink me",
they will not make you smaller
or bigger.
They will, however, leave you sitting under the hot sun,
1:43 pm,
simmering at the thoughts of speaking to someone with fingers so much more dainty than yours,
And a voice so much more like the dew on leaves.
You don't even know her.

God is my master.
I love Him more than all in my life.
He is the Master of my mind, my body, my heart.
He is my Shepherd.
He is beautiful.
He is love.
He is perfect.
He loves me more than I can comprehend.

God is telling me to stay.
So I will stay.
I cannot leave my church.
I cannot leave my family.
I cannot leave my city.
This is where I belong.
This is where I belong.
This is where I belong.

I belong. I belong. I belong.

In God I am made pure.
In God I am made clean.
In God I am rinsed of my sin.
In God I am white as snow.

Countless second chances He has given me.
Dear Lord, I need another today.
Today - I ask You for forgiveness.
Make me clean again.

I pray for them.
Ryan Kimmy Chiso Becky Dave Iris Mom Dad Kellie Tim Grandma Tim Debbie Laura Grandpa Betty Cindy Lori Shea Asher John Al Brian Teri Pamm Louie Chris Michael Tristan Bailey Victor Nikkie Mailee Andrew The Zachary's Kylie Michael and Megan Jade Airika Allie Bill Moriah Madison Mike Lani Moriah Tori Lenni Todd Maddie Hilary Holly Bella Jamie JT Bella Abby Sarah Anna Rick Ashtin Aaron Aleasha Christian Brian Gus Abbie Jenn Alec Jean Lois Larry Ryan Jake Bud Erin Tyler Jasmine Launts Wendy Michael Bella Sam Tony Ryan Ian Deric Jen Sam Erin Hanna Jamie Chad Mia Laura Tony Alena Tyrus Jack Luke Jenny Greg Reagan Kennedy Wilson Konni Wayne Brian Cammy Trina Mike Kameron Kasey Nikki Lexi Jelly Harley Izzie Rosie DJ Lillian Adrian Avery Asher Tyler Heidi Dan Sarah Ryan Griffin Daniel Jessica Pax Cory Abel Chandra Dave Julia Bethany Chris Orion Lindsay Twila Tracy Brandon Nate Braeden Amanda Jonah Luke Crosby Charlie Mark Debbie Ian Joy Susan Catherine Jeff Jill Andy Anna Joel Jacquie Tracy Shelby Brenden Grace Bruna Brendan Jadan Ariel Rick Johnna Laila Becca Joren Skylar David Lovins Gettys Nanny Papa My Cousins Grace Wanda Lamont Michael Amy Stephanie Tyler Tim Jeff Anthony Mikayla Emily Emily Sabrina Thomas Caleb Rene Sabra Autumn Cort Riley Cole Kaylee Amber Eryn Christina Trinity Bethany Kati Ben Jacob Megan Megan

and so so many more

May God bless you and keep you
Amen

Once whom I considered my very best friend
To now my worst enemy
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words won't hurt me...

No that does not apply
Your words have spread to those who I used to adore .
As easy as it was for that knife to slit into my back is how easy it broke me down.
In ways in which I have no words to describe..
But what's worse is the image on your face after all you've done and your apology is so cunning ...
Some how there is still something within me which only wants to forgive.
Now I'm torn
I'm confused ..
Shall I move on so I mustn't be hurt like this or shall I keep you close for enemies your supposed to keep the closest

© Jenn Linh

I have this rage inside
This heat so hot
It won't come to settle
As it sizzles
    As it sparks
No. I can not hide it
Nor can I break away from it

Furiously burning
Overpowering my intentions
Engulfing discreetness
Exceeds in all means of assertiveness

This dark I can't escape
As I plead to..
Hold me tight
Inflame my light
Take me now far from here
Inferior I allow ..and to you my captor I surrender my body before you for your venture

I'm yours
This hunger may you feed

To long for predominance
To be enrapt with ones soul this loves on a rampage untamed and entomed inside.

Pulls of the darkest deepest lure
Captivated within the eyes

Conceptual plays
Passions trick

Inflicted desires upon only you and I  

To have nothing more than yearning..
Truly despaired
This tortures astray
It runs where it cannot hide.
Don't fight it let it confide.

Within her template a fortress resides
And within her heart eager temptations lie

Grasp her depth and pull her deep
Sway her mind while her body falls asleep

Frame her up while you undress her posture
Patience for the crave she seeks or this may be a disaster

Lie still while she slides her way
For temptations that are raging
Temptations that are teasing
strike suddenly at signs of dismay

Her body turn limp
    Numb like never before
Both body's working up a sweat
And without a single movement more
I'll just hit down to the floor as I stammer
As I wake..
No!  .. .may that not have been a fake

© Jenn Linh

I dreamed of an unequal avenue it was splendor manifested before only winged creatures
Enjoyed this freedom tree lined lanes have and always afford peace through the wonder of
Shade and shadow a pleasant flow that is all absorbing the stillness gently pulls reflective
Moods from the soul but this was of the soaring kind it held all the aforementioned affects but
With the privileged thrill of being eighty feet high every attending thought that concerns trees
Was in play but here was profound solitude private stimulation and it stretched as far as the
Eye could see the tree tops bowed toward one another making a ceiling like no other it drew
The power of earth and heaven giving harmony taste and class burgeoning on the spiritual I
Even perceived it as a cathedral that only nature could create the line of trees were its walls
Twenty five feet from this roofed expanse was the floor each tree on both sides reached across
Such a sight of generosity and unity immovable and powerful your feet truly floated down this
Isle of admiration your thoughts wistful colossal every tree continued to give its raw power on
The ground you gave over to the thought and order of being small here you were elevated
Mentally you were this wonder this master a heady being all the confusion that once plagued is
Gone now replaced by a formable grasp your breath draws in and it is as all this oxygen is
Converted to enriched blood that explodes in the mind you instantly distil long troubling facts
Into reasonable conclusions a sweep of inspiration is used to attain the fundamental steps to
Gain new stature made possible when pretense dissolves in these skyward realms and
Imperceptibly almost the mist rises with mystery at its center at the edges it favors the spirit
Collectively it announces a new era dearest Jenn this is your new reality you are standing on the
Threshold contempt and pain behind and before you your soul feels this immense feeling of
Well being the mind bends and stretches to keep in step the very air you breathe is intoxicating
It’s not just traces of love that before was so scares it only made the heart bleed and yearn for
More now a flood carries you forth exhilarating is an understatement all desires of your heart
Are completely satisfied your spirit hangs down weighted by such fullness you have come to the
Fountain empty you leave care free with an abiding joy unforgettable this is just a small degree
Of how it feels to meet Christ just think what lies ahead bless you I’m going to share this that
others can share what’s happening to you

I lay awake watching you sleep
Imagining your dreams and what they may be.
Sleep is foreign
For that I'm deprived
And alone I lay
As my eyes meet the darkness that surrounds me and this room.
My mind wonders too often
And often negative energy sets in
As my thoughts stammer
My head begins to ache
There lies why I'm here
Why I'm awake
My heart is pained and bodies cold
Detached from normality
That of solomn
That of somber
..
as you slumber tucked neatly in the warmth of your covers.

I'm here alone.. abandoned with my absurdity
As my eyes swell from tears
That are formed from my many fears
As they stream as the flow.. my eyes have no choice but just to shut
Silently exhausting what's left from a dreary day only to surrender myself off to what's hoped to be a deep sleep as I cradle myself
Alone I really am..

© Jenn Linh

I'm missing my soul mate
The piece from my puzzle that's incomplete
Across oceans or shadowing me
We'd always be unbrakeably secure
Struck deep within our hearts entire
And each we'd vow to forever remain impassioned and complete for here on ever
My only treasure and very last desire.

© Jenn Linh

O Children hear me: F**K THIS ****!!!
She shouts, her protest a ribbon on the breeze
Sorrows and injustice have angered her a bit
She wants to see the world sail on fairer seas
Writing sharp entreaties she labours hard
Her words and wits are serious and sure
Each line is a deal, plays a card
Each one making me hunger for more
By the bolts of melody
Her mind has been stoked and struck
Her music soothes my malady
She's had the poet's luck
    O go ever on, roaming, waxing, raving
    The renegade bard who dwells by the avon

My friend I lay here
Alone
Hopelessly in love with you
Holding back with despair
Imagining as if you were right here
To love and caress me while I'm in fear and certainly more than just my peer

Every aspect of you
Every expression of you..
Your just so perfect to me.

To have feelings of breathtaking ache in my  mind and in my heart
Just in waiting and longing for that look that comes from you

Unanswered and gloomy the outcome
Yet your always my fantasy rescuing me through my nightmares
And there's bravery just within ..from feeling for you..
And the compassion within I hold for you sustains with just a wish to share

You're rare you see and for that I don't want to let you free ..
Fear with impatience
And the devil's lies..
For we met with no reason why .
A purpose we are
And put together in this life for a reason

And even if just to be friends through life with so much love  there shall never come treason.

Say you'll never turn away
Forever have my back
Have my whole heart.
As I'm just crushing alone tonight as Im so in love with you uncontrollably unconditionally
But I'll be alright as I cuddle myself and with ease gives into resting my eyes knowing I mustn't ruin or take the chance to push us apart


© Jenn Linh

Upon a fairytale through this parted world
Forces of wrecks are near
Pulling their way between what hearts find matter  

Distance forms realms of broken hearts
Mind and time are like forgotten lands
Reflecting the inner enchantment

Finding you is near
I shall not fret
But worry within me as time consumes
Impossible are we
.. distance has us parted  
and the pieces to our phenomenal puzzle have come up misplaced
We're all or nothing
In this dreamers fairytale

© Jenn Linh

I lie awake in bed for hours
Tossing and turning
Trying to find comfort
While dreading being alone.
Stuck between my deviations
As I crave and hunger for your touch.
Starving for your attention
Your estimable smile
      your laugh
The things which I despised are now
All that I adore and I've accustomed to
But I mustn't reveal
I must simply accept
As we fight to move on
For this after all is my decision
Left only to allow time to heal us apart
As I play along with this game of solitude
Granting the fractures as our hearts dismantle and break apart.

© Jenn Linh

Wow
I'm in awe
Sitting here motionless
Absolutely clueless as to
                               What
            to
           do..
Every turn has its fate
Feelings of f ea r  s
                                 tr
                                  i
                         ke
within me.
And I feel so
lost
Just want to close my eyes and put my life in mute
.. Only can imagine you


Im needing you more than you know
Just with a prayer
May you just walk through the door
Show your face
With those eyes that make everything irrelevant vanish
Let me embrace your attention
Feel the warmth I've been craving
And without realising how much this means my heart is filled and I feel no longer fear.
Your presence alone ignites
You've made every piece of me within come back to life
I've never felt something so strong
Please
Just pick me up
   Carry me away
I trust in you and will easily walk away from all I know
Just for you
Let me also be your escape
Inject the words of endearment and lure me through this fairy tale.
With faith in you I see only gold
As you enrapt me with the never knowing you assure me I'll never be cold
So captivated and mesmerised by the rarity you are.
Truly the pleasures mine
As I assure you with my passion so bold
.. forever capture my vulnerabilities
In sync your heart with mine

Tangle our thoughts

   Twine our memory's

Hold my hand and never let me go
Further more my forever treasured
For the day that calls I too will never let you go
And Our love may never be measured

© Jenn Linh

People may be replaceable
But the warmth that's felt from a connection from ones soul is rare and indefinitely irreplaceable

© Jenn Linh

I've seem to have fallen again
Recalling the present
Who knows if or when
I'll come to
Or if I'll get back up again
Wither Daydreaming
Or having nightmares, I'm taunted
For this is all that I've ever wanted.. But now I'm here and both seem the same .
Lost right now
  Feeling as if Everything's
cold and
black ...
As I curl up alone ..
Unknowing only what's to come
Stuck falling further into my pillow. Afraid now's too late to return.. as I fall deeper through my nightmare


© Jenn Linh

I got a notification today.
It said, "Jenn's Birthday"
It had smiles and a heart
A heart
But that heart isn't love anymore
The smiles are no longer happy
They're all forgotten
Just like you forgot me
And how I made you feel
And how I loved you
And you loved me
Unfortunately, the iPod didn't forget
I got a notification telling me what used to be
What isn't anymore.

when the darkness of the night hits,
that's when I feel most alone.
I may be in my room,
but definitely no home.

the voices start speaking,
no longer am I alone.
the voices in my mind,
they become my only friends.
one's named Susan.
one's named Jenn.

the voices in my mind,
they tell me any things.
"darling, your not alive"
my chest starts to sting.

for the voices in my mind,
they teach me how to cope,
possibly I could slit my throat.

the voices in my mind,
bring me to the blades.
I gain the urge to slit my veins.

the blood starts pouring,
I begin drifting off,
to the land above.

wish me good luck.

-l.j.t

Fate or reality
Loves so rare ..
And how are we to know when we've truly found it?
Times flown by
What little memories swept away  .. And months have been lost and all I can hope for is just hope that your well ..
As for me..
...I'm still here ..
Same as before
Imagining your presence as I've never had the chance to touch what beauty your heart bears
Quiet and still
My heart forever aches for you
I'm still here forever holding on.
Without a voice to your image
But words to my soul that make even the darkest parts of me illuminate.
You've built a fire within me
I don't know if it was sensed or felt by you in any way but  ..
Now I'm alone burning with its torment.
We had spoke of this happening..
Fate and reality became real for us.

I believe I will never forget you and for a short period even if I'm to be only dreaming ... You were magical. I lay myself to sleep with what's last recalled of you .
To be parted with only a hope for fate to call upon us again

© Jenn Linh

Twice around here we are
Tried and failed without a care
Now sitting in silence as we simply just glare.
Where's the love that once resided
Where's the compassion
We do not care..
Have we really grown apart
Is that what this is?
Or have our hearts simply become bare and cold
Once there was this amazing spark with a mere thought or glimpse of you..
Now I sit and want nothing more then to be any where else but in your presence
To not even fear the thought ... As we mingle with contemplations of separation again
The question sustaining ..

Isn't this supposed to hurt

Where's the pain that's being endured
In ways of shattered hearts
Or have both hearts been bled out
Ripped once now officially torn
Left without a single pulse

Left alone

I don't feel any warmth from you
Nor do I have any to share with you

I feel numb

I don't want us to have hate
But I think time has done it's job
And when some say
.. let them free if they return its meant to be ..
Simply is just not our case..

© Jenn Linh

Beauty
Belongs to its beholder.

If only we are to recognize.
As we let ourselves and everything surrounding us just go.. like the breeze on a windy day as it flows without order or rhythm blowing the leaves through the trees.
Illustrations begin to unfold
from illusions or that from random dreams vaguely remembered.
Casted by dawn, down far beneath the astronomical sky.
Like the differences in characteristics set in personality's from zodiac signs
All unique in each way and
To each has their own fantasy or fate.

© Jenn Linh

What if I say no to you walking away
What if I say I don't want to lose you
Would you stick by my side..
What if I tell you this love we seek is not of fairy tales.
Would you shut out the negative voices telling you to just flee
If I asked you to just be with me .. would you turn and say yes and let us do the things we need to
To make us work
For To be with me and hold my heart as you do I'll soon show you that every day can be and will be of beauty.
As I tear down your walls and share pieces of my sunlight with kisses that are so simple but give you all the answers and never leave you feeling any fragment of loneliness or emptiness
I want to be your fill for that void
I want to be of your desires
And one day .. I want to just complete you as you complete me

© Jenn Linh

This sunken vast hole is where once the blood flowed. These lines of black once shown blue, where the life inside once flowed trough.

An empty gaze straight to space, is once where my dreams led, sleep.....take me back to that place. Reaching out to touch, to feel, to seek affection....pushed away and knocked down by receiving rejection.

There is no escaping the darkness, there is no escaping this hell. Yet, in the midst of all this pain, in the fire, horrid ache for death I feel, my wish is you be well.

I roam in a body, one with no soul. I wander in limbo, for this host I dwell is a lifeless innuendo, a facade of what one may portray as blithe.

Deeper and deeper I fall, for shall I rise not. I am impervious to your ways. I have faltered in your gaze, completely lost. Never to be found within the labrynth of your heart.

Rotting are my insides, the damage has been done. I wither into shreds while watching you, waiting for you. My eternity a lonely dark lifeless room where you left me. Your past has kept me as my home. As I lay dying...you finally run realizing the torture you've made me suffer, only it is far too late, for this chamber of hurt could not be undone.

Now it's your turn to burn.

Jenn

Simple pleasures of being lost with you for even a day
Stuck tucked away
Our minds on the same page
Intellectually conversing
Your presence alone so luring
As the sun sets and we don't want to part
We're Excused
And any thoughts of fear of going to far are surrendered
you plead for me to lay here as you share your pillow
pulling me close and cuddling me you wrap your arms and hold me softly from behind sweetly whispering  words I've never heard .. with such promise..
Becareful of my heart as you assure me it's also your heart tender and fragile for my love
And this is so perfect
Please don't let me go..
Our eyes shut to feel the warmth and softness of our skin we share and for a moment there's no pressure and no expectation ...
Never before have I experienced such preciousness .. as that's how I feel .. assured to never worry as the little hairs all over my body stand straight
I can't help but to shiver though not of fear ... But of not knowing how to ease myself ...
Morning blazes through
only to wake after have only slept  realising I've been held all night without the need to let go and turn to the other side from discomfort
.
we gaze at one another.. knowing .. with morning comes time to release this bond ..
Suddenly the blinds close shut and you tell me to stay
Just one day
With you.. will I?
As you tuck the sun away to keep the shade
Pulling me close telling me this does not have to end
Making today ..here ..now
all that matters
As we sink into each other's embrace
Nothing could be more perfect than to be here with your promise to never let go
Our bodies fitting together as if magnets that were misplaced and drawn to connect
Kisses to your cheeks
To your ears and to your neck
Fingers following guiding the curves of everything you are
Amazed from lust as you've captured a fragment of my heart
No feelings of misplacement
No misunderstandings
And forever will this place ..this time be memorized as I'm mesmerized with not knowing and just being ok with it ..
This may be a memory that we may never be able to forget

© Jenn Linh