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1969 Hartford art school is magnet for exceedingly intelligent over-sensitive under-achievers alluring freaks congenital creeps and anyone who cannot cut it in straight world it is about loners dreamers stoners clowns cliques of posers competing to dress draw act most outrageous weird wonderful classrooms clash in diversity of needs some students get it right off while others require so much individual attention one girl constantly raises her hand calls for everything to be repeated explained creativity is treated as trouble and compliance to instruction rewarded most of faculty are of opinion kids are not capable of making original artwork teachers discourage students from dream of becoming well-known until they are older more experienced only practiced skilled artists are competent to create ‘real art’ defined by how much struggle or multiple meanings weave through the work Odysseus wants to make magic boxes without knowing or being informed of Joseph Cornell one teacher tells him you think you’re going to invent some new color the world has never seen? you’re just some rowdy brat from the midwest with a lot of crazy ideas and no evidence of authenticity another teacher warns you’re nothing more than a bricoleur! Odysseus questions what’s a bricoleur teacher informs a rogue handyman who haphazardly constructs from whatever is immediately available Odysseus questions what’s wrong with that? teacher answers it’s low-class folk junk  possessing no real intellectual value independently he reads Marshall McLuhan’s “The Medium Is The Message” and “The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci” he memorizes introductory remark of Leonardo’s “i must do like one who comes last to the fair and can find no other way of providing for himself than by taking all the things already seen by others and not taken by reason of their lesser value” Odysseus dreams of becoming accomplished important artist like Robert Rauschenberg Jasper Johns Andy Warhol he dreams of being in eye of hurricane New York art scene he works for university newspaper and is nicknamed crashkiss the newspaper editor is leader in student movement and folk singer who croons “45 caliber man, you’re so much more than our 22, but there’s so many more of us than you” Odysseus grows mustache wears flower printed pants vintage 1940’s leather jacket g.i. surplus clothes he makes many friends his gift for hooking up with girls is uncanny he is long haired drug-crazed hippie enjoying popularity previously unknown to him rock bands play at art openings everyone flirts dances gets ****** lots of activism on campus New York Times dubs university of Hartford “Berkeley of the east coast” holding up ******* in peace sign is subversive in 1969 symbol of rebellion youth solidarity gesture against war hawks rednecks corporate America acknowledgment of potential beyond materialistic self-righteous values of status quo sign of what could be in universe filled with incredible possibilities he moves in with  painting student one year advanced named Todd Whitman Todd has curly blond hair sturdy build wire rimmed glasses impish smile gemini superb draftsman amazing artist Todd emulates Francisco de Goya and Albrecht Durer Todd’s talent overshadows Odysseus’s Todd’s dad is accomplished professor at distinguished college in Massachusetts to celebrate Odysseus’s arrival Todd cooks all day preparing spaghetti dinner when Odysseus arrives home tripping on acid without appetite Todd is disappointed Odysseus runs down to corner store buys large bottle of wine returns to house Todd is eating spaghetti alone they get drunk together then pierce each other’s ears with needles ice wine cork pierced ears are outlaw style of bad *** bikers like Hell’s Angels Todd says you are a real original Odys and funny too Odysseus asks funny, how? Todd answers you are one crazy ******* drop acid whenever you want smoke **** then go to class this is fun tonight Odys getting drunk and piercing our ears Odysseus says yup i’m having a good time too Todd and Odysseus become best friends Odysseus turns Todd on to Sylvia Plath’s “The Bell Jar” and “Ariel” then they both read Ted Hughes “Crow” illustrated with Leonard Baskin prints Todd turns Odysseus on to German Expressionist painting art movement of garish colors emotionally violent imagery from 1905-1925 later infuriating Third ***** who deemed the work “degenerate” Odysseus dives into works of Max Beckmann Otto Dix Conrad Felixmulller Barthel Gilles George Grosz Erich Heckel Ernst Ludwig Kirchner Felix Nussbaum Karl *******Rottluff Carl Hofer August Macke Max Peckstein Elfriede Lohse-Wachtler Egon Shiele list goes on in 1969 most parents don’t have money to buy their children cars most kids living off campus either ride bikes or hitchhike to school then back home on weekends often without a penny in their pockets Odysseus and Todd randomly select a highway and hitch rides to Putney Vermont Brattleboro Boston Cape Cod New York City or D.C. in search of adventure there is always trouble to be found curious girls to assist in Georgetown Odysseus sleeps with skinny girl with webbed toes who believes he is Jesus he tries to dissuade her but she is convinced

Toby Mantis is visiting New York City artist at Hartford art school he looks like huskier handsomer version of Ringo Starr and women dig him he builds stretchers and stretches canvases for Warhol lives in huge loft in Soho on Broadway and Bleeker invites Odysseus to come down on weekends hang out Toby takes him to Max’s Kansas City Warhol’s Electric Circus they wander all night into morning there are printing companies longshoremen gays in Chelsea Italians in West Village hippies playing guitars protesting the war in Washington Square all kinds of hollering crazies passing out fliers pins in Union Square Toby is hard drinker Odysseus has trouble keeping up  he pukes his guts out number of times Odysseus is *** head not drinker he explores 42nd Street stumbles across strange exotic place named Peep Show World upstairs is large with many **** cubicles creepy dudes hanging around downstairs is astonishing there are many clusters of booths with live **** girls inside girls shout out hey boys come on now pick me come on boys there are hundreds of girls from all over the world in every conceivable size shape race he enters dark stall  puts fifty cents in coin box window screen lifts inside each cluster are 6 to 10 girls either parading or glued to a window for $1 he is allowed to caress kiss their ******* for $2 he is permitted to probe their ****** or *** for $10 girl reaches hand into darkened stall jerks him off tall slender British girl thrills him the most she says let me have another go at your dickey Odysseus spends all his money ******* 5 times departing he notices men from every walk of life passing through wall street stockbrokers executives rednecks mobsters frat boys tourists fat old bald guys smoking thick smelly cigars Toby Mantis has good-looking girlfriend named Lorraine with long brown hair Toby Lorraine and Odysseus sit around kitchen table Odysseus doodles with pencil on paper Toby spreads open Lorraine’s thighs exposing her ****** to Odysseus Lorraine blushes yet permits Toby to finger her Odysseus thinks she has the most beautiful ****** he has ever seen bulging pelvic bone brown distinctive bush symmetric lips Toby and Lorraine watch in amusement as Odysseus gazes intently Tony mischievously remarks you like looking at that ***** don’t you? Odysseus stares silently begins pencil drawing Lorraine’s ****** his eyes darting back and forth following day Lorraine seduces Odysseus while Toby is away walks out **** from shower she is few years older her body lean with high ******* she directs his hands mouth while she talks with someone on telephone it is strange yet quite exciting Odysseus is in awe of New York City every culture in the world intermingling democracy functioning in an uncontrollable managed breath millions of people in motion stories unraveling on every street 24 hour spectacle with no limits every conceivable variety of humanity ******* in same air Odysseus is bedazzled yet intimidated

Odysseus spends summer of 1970 at art colony in Cummington Massachusetts it is magical time extraordinary place many talented eccentric characters all kinds of happenings stage plays poetry readings community meals volleyball after dinner volleyball games are hilarious fun he lives alone in isolated studio amidst wild raspberries in woods shares toilet with field mouse no shower he reads Jerzy Kosinski’s “Painted Bird” then “Being There” then “Steps” attractive long haired girl named Pam visits community for weekend meets Odysseus they talk realize they were in first grade together at Harper amazing coincidence automatic ground for “we need to have *** because neither of us has seen each other since first grade” she inquires where do you sleep? Todd hitches up from Hartford to satisfy curiosity everyone sleeps around good-looking blue-eyed poet named Shannon Banks from South Boston tells Odysseus his ******* is not big enough for kind of ******* she wants but she will **** him off that’s fine with him 32 year old poet named Ellen Morrissey from Massachusetts reassures him ******* is fine Ellen is beginning to find her way out from suffocating marriage she has little daughter named Nina Ellen admires Odysseus’s free spirit sees both his possibilities and naïveté she realizes he has crippling family baggage he has no idea he is carrying thing about trauma is as it is occurring victim shrugs laughs to repel shock yet years later pain horror sink in turned-on with new ideas he returns to Hartford art school classes are fun yet confusing he strives to be best drawer most innovative competition sidetracks him Odysseus uses power drill to carve pumpkin on Halloween teachers warn him to stick to fundamentals too much creativity is suspect Todd and he are invited to holiday party Odysseus shows up with Ellen Morrissey driving in her father’s station wagon 2 exceptionally pretty girls flirt with him he is live wire they sneak upstairs he fingers both at same time while they laugh to each other one of the girls Laura invites him outside to do more he follows they walk through falling snow until they find hidden area near some trees Laura lies down lifts her skirt she spreads her legs dense ***** mound he is about to explore her there when Laura looks up sees figure with flashlight following their tracks in snow she warns it’s Bill my husband run for your life! Odysseus runs around long way back inside party grabs a beer pretending he has been there next to Ellen all night few minutes later he sees Laura and Bill return through front door Bill has dark mustache angry eyes Odysseus tells Ellen it is late maybe they should leave soon suddenly Bill walks up to him with beer in hand cracks bottle over his head glass and beer splatter Odysseus jumps up runs out to station wagon Ellen hurriedly follows snow coming down hard car is wedged among many guest vehicles he starts engine locks doors maneuvers vehicle back and forth trying to inch way out of spot Bill appears from party walks to his van disappears from out of darkness swirling snow Bill comes at them wielding large crowbar smashes car’s headlights taillights side mirrors windshield covered in broken glass Ellen ducks on floor beneath glove compartment sobs cries he’s going to **** us! we’re going to die! Odysseus steers station wagon free floors gas pedal drives on back country roads through furious snowstorm in dark of night no lights Odysseus contorts crouches forward in order to see through hole in shattered windshield Ellen sees headlights behind them coming up fast it is Bill in van Bill banging their bumper follows them all the way back to Hartford to Odysseus’s place they run inside call police Bill sits parked van outside across street as police arrive half hour later Bill pulls away next day Odysseus and Ellen drive to Boston to explain to Ellen’s dad what has happened to his station wagon Odysseus stays with Ellen in Brookline for several nights another holiday party she wants to take him along to meet her friends her social circles are older he thinks to challenge their values be outrageous paints face Ellen is horrified cries you can’t possibly do this to me these are my close friends what will they think? he defiantly answers my face is a mask who cares what i look like? man woman creature what does it matter? if your friends really want to know me they’ll need to look beyond the make-up tonight i am your sluttish girlfriend! sometimes Odysseus can be a thoughtless fool

Laura Rousseau Shane files for divorce from Bill she is exceptionally lovely models at art school she is of French descent her figure possessing exotic traits she stands like ballerina with thick pointed ******* copious ***** hair Odysseus is infatuated she frequently dances pursues him Laura says i had the opportunity to meet Bob Dylan once amazed Odysseus questions what did you do? she replies what could i possibly have in common with Bob Dylan? Laura teases Odysseus about being a preppy then lustfully gropes him grabs holds his ***** they devote many hours to ****** intimacy during ******* she routinely reaches her hand from under her buns grasps his testicles squeezing as he pumps he likes that Laura is quite eccentric fetishes over Odysseus she even thrills to pick zits on his back he is not sure if it is truly a desire of hers proof of earthiness or simply expression of mothering Laura has two daughters by Bill Odysseus is in over his head Laura tells Odysseus myth of Medea smitten with love for Jason Jason needs Medea’s help to find Golden Fleece Medea agrees with promise of marriage murders her brother arranges ****** of king who has deprived Jason his inheritance couple is forced into exile Medea bears Jason 2 sons then Jason falls in love with King Creon’s daughter deserts Medea is furious she makes shawl for King Creon’s daughter to wear at her wedding to Jason  shawl turns to flames killing bride Medea murders her own sons by Jason Odysseus goes along with story for a while but Laura wants husband Odysseus is merely scruffy boy with roving eyes Laura becomes galled by Odysseus leaves him for one of his roommates whom she marries then several years later divorces there is scene when Laura tells Odysseus she is dropping him for his roommate he is standing in living room of her house space is painted deep renaissance burgundy there are framed photographs on walls in one photo he is hugging Laura and her daughters under big oak tree in room Laura’s friend Bettina other girl he fingered first night he met Laura at party is watching with arms crossed he drops to floor curls body sobs i miss you so much Laura turns to Bettina remarks look at him men are such big babies he’s pitiful Bettina nods

following summer he works installing displays at G. Fox Department Store besides one woman gay men staff display department for as long as he can remember homosexuals have always been attracted to him this misconception is probably how he got job his tenor voice suggesting not entirely mature man instead more like tentative young boy this ambiguous manifestation sometimes also evidences gestures thoroughly misleading after sidestepping several ****** advances one of his co-workers bewilderingly remarks you really are straight manager staff are fussy chirpy catty group consequently certain he is not gay they discriminate against him stick him with break down clean up slop jobs at outdoor weekend rock concert in Constitution Plaza he meets 2 younger blond girls who consent to go back to his place mess around both girls are quite dazzling yet one is somewhat physically undeveloped they undress and model for Odysseus radio plays Roberta Flack’s “Killing Me Softly With His Song” both girls move to rhythm sing along he thinks to orchestrate direct decides instead to let them lead lies on bed while curvaceous girl rides his ******* slender girl sits on his face they switch all 3 alternate giggle laughter each girl reaches ****** on his stiffness later both assist with hands mouths his ****** is so intense it leaves him paralyzed for a moment

in fall he is cast as Claudius in production of Hamlet Odysseus rehearses diligently on nights o
Lianette Reyes Aug 2014
Hello, indignantly ignorant and in-dubious ****.
Have you ever thought that maybe some people prefer black
partners because they tend to be blessed down under, if
you know what I'm saying?
Have you ever thought that maybe all this hate leaking from
your shipwrecked **** mind is product of some... innate jealousy?
Have you ever thought that maybe some women aren't particularly
attracted to you, whether it be because of your shade or because
of your prejudices against other colors, or poly-chromatic
flags?
You claim 'black' is the stuff of nightmare, but there are many
who appreciate the deep intensity of a night sky, or the depth
and soul at the center of another's eyes as much as I do
Black is not 'ugly', black is not 'stupid', it is not
a name, it is a shade, it is a COLOR
it is a badge of honor in the presence of pretentious *** holes
such as your self, it is a PRIVILEGE to strut in pride,
in confidence of their sentient humanity among
tool shed minds, to be of convenient use to anyone but themselves,
unless of course you're a '****** lover'
have you ever thought, that maybe a '****** lover' is only
just more capable of seeing the artist, not the canvas,
the priest or priestess of his or her temple,
this skin should not be a wall to ward off friends, but elastic,
to keep us all together
have you ever thought perhaps they're more evolved and
are most likely independent thinkers who choose not to live
up to pre-set standards encouraged by family and societal
stereotypes that thunder like stereo but make not music, but noise
and becoming a reincarnate of but another generation of hate
you aren't a drop of water in the ocean, you are a tall
glass of poison to me
you shrivel my mercy and make me want to drown you in yourself
through me
you make me want to be as bigoted and disgusting as you are,
to ride by your neighbor hood in a mask and shoot you,
only I wouldn't wear a mask, or shoot you, because I'd like to
look you in the eyes as you see what seems to be a reflection
of yourself, a talking mirror, cutting into you with my teeth
my sharp words, my uncensored lips, my steely resemblance
and also because well, wearing masks is ***** ****.
have you ever thought maybe those '****** lovers' are happy
with who they're loving, who they're *******, and are not
concerned about your 'opinion' until your 'opinion' becomes
tearing a soul away from his or her loved one and body,
you are a ****** reaper,
you defile the sacred, and take a life because they're nothing
more but a slab of meat to you, you objectify them and decide
they aren't palatable to your sight
humans are not chapters, they aren't mathematical theories,
they are not animate criminal records,
they CAN NOT be color coded, they are not yours to color code
how dare you even CALL yourself human when you can't even tell
a person from your own property
or someone's happiness from your ******* business
I'm sure you've never thought, but have merely recycled
the polluted beliefs of your 'patriotic' culture and
inherited your families porcelain skin, they probably taught you
it was a weapon, a plastic bag to suffocate others in
skin is NOT a sin, it isn't natural selection,
when will you see if your own inherent mental failure proves
the fault in our evolution?
And I mean, how can you shame a race that's believed to have
pre-dated us all, to have been us all?
I'm sure this thought has probably never crossed your mind, but
know this.... tomorrow I'm going to **** the life out of my
black boyfriend. Hard. Like yin and yang we are going to
roll around with inevitable and fulfilling love,
and boy, is he black.
PEARL SMOKE Jun 2018
Scared Prt 1.
2014
iM Scared Of Losing What
iHave Left.
iM Scared Of Seeing What
iHave Left Go Away.
iM Scared Of Disappointing
My Loved Ones Again.
iM Scared Of Being Reminded
What the reality of Drugs.                        can do once again.
iM Scared iF iM Sober Then Fall
iWont Ever Change again
iM Scared The Drugs Can
Take over me Like it Has before
Once more.
Scared Of Feeling Numb And Live The Whole Drug Addiction Cycle all over.

Scared prt 2.

I Relapsed & Now I'm worried.
Will I Go back to my old ways?
As much as I desire The Feeling of escaping my reality,
I can't live Like that. I don't want to be a drug addict all over again.
The Feeling Is pleasant . The Living of being 1 Is Horrific.

Scared prt 3
2017
I’m scared
Of never finding hope
To believe my life has no worth
To never finding a light
To get lost in the
Darkness of my depression.
Im Scared
To never feel true happiness
To believe I have
No purpose in life.
To see I really don’t matter ..
I’m scared to prove
Myself right.
To really never start a life.
I’m scared to
Then lose my self again
To lonely nights with toxic touches

Scared prt 4

Be aware
I’m not scared like I used to be.
To lose  you, see you walk out.
Watch you leave & end us.
I have drugs.
To replace you,
Forget who you were
Erases our memories & best times.
Be aware
If you do me *****, I don’t care.
Drugs will always be there .
Il depend to forever not feel..
If you leave me, I won’t cry.
I have lines to get me past times.
So please know , I’m not scared.
To be left ,

Scared prt 5
2018

I’m Trapped.
I’m not ok , I’m not safe.
The habits creeping up.
Slowly but rapidly.
I believe I got it together.
I tell myself I got it under control.
But do I really?
Relapsing after 2yrs is making an impact.
I’ve been falling frequently.
For a short time but I’m still using .
It will take ahold of me unexpectedly.
Slowly convince me this Drug life’s worth risking .
I need help .
I look fine.
I haven’t used severely but my minds hyped.
Il Get To that level.
If I don’t reach out in time.
My thoughts are converting slow
I can feel the careless emotions growing.
That’s why I’ve found it so easy to use and get away with it.
“Just today” “it’s only alittle” “I can handle this”
That’s until I build up my tolerance.
Lord Help me .. you know il cause heartbreaks if I turn back to what I Once was..

Scared

I’m so scared.
To get played again .
To get lied and betrayed.
I’m scared of my reaction.
I know il die alive.
I won’t even have the strength to ****** you.
I’d be so broken and just let the world walk all over me.
If you Do me *****
I’d lose it completely.
You’d prove all my doubts correct.
Assumptions I already knew were true in my head.
If you play me, Id lose my head.
Literally, go insane due to confusion & hate.
If you hurt me.
Drugs is what I’m going to be out searching.
Not even ask for an explanation.
I’d be too focused walking straight ahead to my connects house.
If you do me shady.
I Will Be angry at the world.
Scream to the top of my lungs
“WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS
I would drown myself in drugs.
I’d hate the world completely for hurting me when I’ve done none wrong.
I’d go So crazy.
How can I So Loyal Be Played With.
Etcetc can’t even write more

Scared prt 6

2018
Im not scared
Anymore .
I don’t know what to feel
Anymore.
I think I’m worried,
I just don’t feel it
Anymore.
My thoughts try to
Tell me something’s wrong.
I Can’t think of anything..
I’m unsure If I’m ok.
I don’t know if I’m
Even thinking straight.
I remember once feeling
So afraid.
I had to seek help on my own .
For the sake of my sanity.
My heart felt a heavy
Storm coming.
It rushed me to look out
Find shelter .
With strong material .
I started moving .
But did I act fast enough ?
Did I act before or after
Time had already passed..

Scared prt 7.
I’m scared
To Relapse & Stay Stuck
To give up recovery
I’m scared to
Look at you and walk away forever.
To just not care wether you believed I truly loved you.
I’m scared
For my love to be trapped
For all My strength to be gone
Lose it all ,
I’m crying.
Addiction will forever live in me
Wether Active or Overcomed
This drug will Always come
Aslong as I’m Happy , Positive
I won’t want to take a hit
But Even if nothing’s going on
My body & mind will randomly itch.
Ive been walking with this for too long to just erase it .
To forget I had a habit .


Scared prt 8
Jan 2018
Im not scared
Anymore .
I don’t know what to feel
Anymore.
I think I’m worried,
I just don’t feel it
Anymore.
My thoughts try to
Tell me something’s wrong.
I Can’t think of anything..
I’m unsure If I’m ok.
I don’t know if I’m
Even thinking straight.
I remember once feeling
So afraid.
I had to seek help on my own .
For the sake of my sanity.
My heart felt a heavy
Storm coming.
It rushed me to look out
Find shelter .
With strong material .
I started moving .
But did I act fast enough ?
Did I act before or after
Time had already passed..

Scared Part 9
Am I Fine.
Will I not rack a line.
Never touch a Rock in my life.

Am I Good.
Will I not Use again .
Will temptations not be seen as threats ?
Can I handle.
My urges to not Tweak again.
Will my triggers Be nothing to worry about?

Will I never feel tempted.
Have I finally over come every Obstacle of addiction?

I’m sorry.
I’ve worsen , I’m stuck once again.
This time it will be harder .
I’m a recovering addict
Stuck in a constant relapse Cycle.
What must I do
Should I sit & wait
On my next down fall ..

SCARED PRT 10

March 2018
I Didn’t notice.
Like always
I believed I had it all under control.
Everything was ok.
Everything seemed fine.
I felt normal,
I would stop soon.

I was Wrong ..
I Fell Down So quick.
I went hard.
No dubs or teeners.
I went straight to a Ball.
I just went all out.


I lost myself again.
I Lost control of the substance.
I Was trapped.
It became a problem.
One I wasn’t aware of.
I Had no recognition of at all.
I Didn’t see that I couldn’t stop.
I kept going
Kept using without seeing the frequency.
The days spent stuck.
I lost touch with reality.
This previous Relapse
Has been the worst in my life .
I haven’t had a binge like this time since 2015.
I used every day .
For 6 1/2 Weeks.
I lost track of the days & time.
I Sniffed & Smoked 2 8 ***** all to my self.

At the time I didn’t see how crazy that was.
Those weeks, an 8 didn’t surprise me.
The amount didn’t shock or Worry me.

I was fine , I had control.
I was doing ok , everything seemed & felt normal.
It was just a small relapse.


I was wrong
I lost touch with reality.
I formed a habit .
I was addicted again .

The sad part is
I’m able to acknowledge this Only through writing.
In real life , my denial mind
I’m able to handle my addiction. I’m ok & Dont have a problem.


It angers me.
Since my 1st Relapse
In August.
I’ve Fallen Very often.
It saddens me.
How I quickly Skipped
The Weight.
Why does it worry me?
My mind will no longer seek a Dub when I’m triggered to use.
It will want Another ball.

Anything less
My Addictive mind
no longer craves.
It now settles for Big.
This relapse has changed the game for my addict ways.
I’ve Relapsed every month
Since August.
I Had it all under control.
I Was able to use and stop.
Just this last time
I completely lost it.

Scared prt 11

I’m scared .
To lose my strength.
Have no durability.
To Give in So quick.
Be that weak
Where I don’t fear Tweak.
Find it easy
To just go seek.

I’m Worried
To reach that level .
Just Relapse constantly .
not care who Knows.
My problems
Have me overwhelmed.
Every day
The Stress grows .
I can’t bare another
Tug & Pull.
Kathleen Jun 2014
We are surrounded by shatter broken  beer bottles, wine coolers gone to waste.
We've gone to war inside our own heads, pulling ourselves into corners and kitchens and couch cushions where all I can think is how pretty you look tonight
I can feel my heart beat to the technicolor rhythm of your butterfly gas leak eyes
"This music hurts my heart I want to leave now" is what you whisper to me under dropped basses and stepped dubs
"I know" is what I whisper back alongside the same sad forget-your-worries rhythm
So we leave, floating over alcohol puff swollen bodies left behind by unreliable boy-girlfriends sick of cleaning ***** out of the back of their pickup trucks
And we roll our sickly drunken souls to the Mcdonalds where they give  you coffee to get rid of wasted smashed faces if you're underage and alcohol-laced
we sober up over cold coffee and scalding fries
We sober up,
But I get drunk on your candy stained mouth as you pour out lies you've never told anyone before
I want to let you know all my favourites, all my secrets, all my everythings
But I don't.
And after that pretty pretty night
where we sobered up
but I got drunk on you
The only time I see you
Is past someone else's head
As I smash my drunken lips to theirs.
agdp Feb 2010
stethoscope to this chest reading one of these "dubs"
as captions to italics  sometimes, we lead
too patient lives, one as receptive the second as disruptive
covertly, convertedso to alleviate, vindicate
these dial tones
exchanged -so to compliment- verses in the clarity
of LP vinyl tracks
posture within degrees
to hear a “Hello?”
2/8/10 ©AGDP
Vladislav Vagner Apr 2014
I love bubbs with all my heart,
It's been this way from the start.
My love for him will never cease,
Even when I'm covered in grease.
The love I feel will never hide,
even if he'll never make me a bride
I love him so very much,
I want to *** him and such.
I want to pinch his cheeks, for weeks and weeks.
I love him even when he squeaks.
I love bubbs, bubbs, bubbs, rub a dub dubs.
read more great poems at poemjunction.blogspot.com
Àŧùl Oct 2015
Fact: Bananas have more trade regulations than AK-47s.

Something healthy must be having such ridiculous regulations,
But not the Kalashnikov as it won't be good for trade relations.
But hey, even she dubs me as her loving exclusive AK-47,
'Coz my name is Atul Kaushal - the letters are 4 and 7!
I shoot poetry and spilled is love instead of blood.
My HP Poem #910
©Atul Kaushal
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
I'm so gangster that I have gold tears
so cheers, grab that beer and **** outta here
New york city clubs, pubs, and big bassy dubs
Throwing my money around like I'm ******* dumb
but I'm not, I'm loaded with a gross so big it's gross
I have strangers waving at me, smiling at me,
don't you see how awesome I be
Nah please you jealous of me
Rama Krsna Jul 2022
by this man-made lake
a steady drizzle hums,
the sun, yesterday’s news
as nature’s palette turns green and gray.

staring into the gun metal sky
she nuzzles her hennaed hair
into his gandhian lap,
mesmerized by the pitter patter
she dubs, as tears from heaven.

a bow-shaped stone bridge on the near horizon,
red-eared sliders floating on the water,
the pencil thin architectural skyline,
even the floating melancholy mute swan
beckons monet to rise like the phoenix
and have a second go at whimsical life

but not me,
with a cornucopia of life-scars to show,
and a ticking clock that’s monotonously relentless,
this trip to the crease better be
the last time at bat


© 2022
untrue Jun 2015
****** f@ggot shill and f@g
oldf@gs newf@gs rolling hard
trips and dubs and even quads
but OP won't deliver

rate us, hate us, sauce pls now
in this thread we save a cat
mods, is this under 18?
the /b/etards at it yet again
but we don't talk about it

cringe us rekt us make us laugh
this thread's preventing suicide
****** racism sexism ****
we mostly rate body parts in /soc/

normies not welcome
******, alpha, femanon
is a girl? **** or ****!
welcome to the internets
pics or it didn't happen

gore thread? not enough!
self-hate, ponies, rule 34 fap
the "cesspool of the internet"
is really not that bad
oh dear god what have i done
also, am i allowed to write "******"?
M Crux Alexander Jul 2015
Looking forward to the night
when you are mine
and within my realm
the pressure pushing us closer
Moving together
Sweat and lust
grabbing flesh and hip thrusts
Moving so sensually is
always so easy for us
coming so natural
--like breathing--
The looks, the touches, the teasing....

041610~6.42a
Anticipating going to the club to listen to some good (now, old-school) dubstep: the bass pressure vibrating within us, trancing out into a bliss I never thought would happen between us. Our very different lives mixing into one another. This is about her being exposed to the underground bass scene I so loved. It was amazing to have her there and share that part of my life with the woman I loved before I ever discovered dubstep.
Alpha Jul 2021
Your long, dark eyelashes
Shadowing your eyes, warm.
Just need to glare at me
And at once I‘d yield to your charm.

Your long, black hair
Falls so elegant down your spine,
Or entwine braided around your shoulders.
Oh, I wish you‘d be mine…

Your nose dubs bold, minx,
With recalcitrance so adorable,
Enframed by freckles light
And skin so fair, what beauty pale.

Your laughter rings like small bells of bronze, light,
And your cheeks redden in your joy, even blush
And when you sit like this, dangling legs and hands in your lap,
You just can‘t hide that beauty of yours, tamed, unleashed.

Your red lips, so filled with loveliness
Smiling shy, but so adorable, in grace
Oh, what would I give for just one kiss
Oh, what would I give to see at least once your face...
This poem describes the most beautiful girl I can imagine. Sadly, I haven't ever seen such a beautiful girl, thus far. But, if I would, I'm pretty sure I'd fall in love with her right away...
Battling against a tide of cars and trains,
Counting the lubs and dubs that grow faint.

Penning down each tear that dries on my paper,
Concealing the eye bags from every night under an intense kohl layer.

Braving the fences and trenches that hurt my feet,
Archiving the conversations that now go obsolete.

Witchcrafting the blood moon of its glee so deep,
Staining the red from my eyes to your feet.

Crawling down from where you let others push me insane,
Ripping me apart with the echoes of 'I'll never be the same'

Uncovering the sunken eyes, shedded oodles and revealing cheek bones,
Trying to be worth a coin in a city of precious stones.

Still leaping miles towards you when a step you take back in repel,
Tickling you in fantasies to cast on you a laughter spell.

Watching those hazel eyes drool in sleep,
Embracing your aura when even my pillow does weep.

Pressing the backspace everytime I scribble verses,
Replacing the oxymorons in us with oranamental metaphors.

Letting my veins go cold n numb enough to form a rope,
Hanging everything I have n to grave shall I elope.
Dedicated to a guy who is away not just by miles.
T Mike Sep 2011
You were a queen and I was a dunce
You wanted things and I gave you none
You had dreams and I had drugs
You bought a degree and I bought 'dubs'
You liked boys and I liked you
You broke my heart and I broke yours too
You wanted out and I wanted in
You began to pout and I began to grin
You left me and I left town
You wore a smile and I wore a frown
You moved on and I moved out
You hooked up and I went without
You are doing well and I am feeling miserable
You like being logical and I am nonsensical
You are growing up and I am growing old
You like making rules and I like to not be told
You think you're really awesome and I strongly disagree
You seem a little like your mom and I find that rather scary
You stay home and be happy and I will go out and be free
You have a wild ride ahead and I have plenty myself to see
You have said your parting words and I am now writing mine
So this is goodbye baby girl, I will always remember our time
The treacherous on-again-off-again relationship blunders of life finally come to a halt.
O yea this might hurt some feelings
Uh



Yo **** white supremacy  !!!!
You can **** my **** til it reach
Natural vasectomy  
Ya wanna be
Black so bad look what the **** they did to Sinbad??
My dad was never there so i
Had to stop n stare
Lookin' at the sun the holy one
I seen an image of a black son
Layin' in the gutter strugglin' with his mother
N brother no other
Can relate to the tough times hard crimes
Deep in the neighborhood
Cops up to no good
Poppin' shots then get mad when we
Bust back to make it understood
Dont diss me im a g been in this ****
Since the birth of slavery
**** the media n the press
You say its too many nigguhs
Well smoke some sess
Hilary aint nothing but ***** to me.
Along with Obama
I put that on my mama full of drama
Cuz i was a born hell raiser
Been throwin' thangs since elementary
Solds drugs to me in my community
So you can lock us minorities
In the state penitentiary
On everythang i pack slugs
Check my six spinnin' on dubs
Minus 10 you get 10
Spokes is chirpin' mad smokin'
Sessions intense dollars n sense
Use common sense
Bombin' with my cavi flow just so ya know
Ya ******' with a pro
Uh killed all my leaders cuz they was tryna feed us
Knowledge **** the white college
I know my real history **** black history
What about the real.heros
Killin' all the slavery
Nat Turner Malcolm and Martin
To Jesse Jackson n Al Sharpton
Benefitin' off the fake race bait
***** in disguise nigguh open yo eyes
Its no surprise
Black face is right before our eyes
This aint vanilla sky
I see grey along with the thunder the rain the strain nigguh feel my pain
Uh its an everyday thang roll with a gang
After the white house eradictin'
There reindeer games
Uncle sam aimin' his finger at the poor folks
The military is joke for black n hispanic folks
Ya cant make change 1000s of miles away
So listen to the **** what i say
And ya know im real pack a big steel
Buckin' Capitol Hill as retain my throne
Im the King of the Hilllll!!! $!

Julian Aug 2020
Eyelash blinkered in hubris Rubik’s knight
Elevation of pogrom ennobled by triaged triumph minus the cynic summation of all light
Littoral swank bronzed like starlet fantasia with a Carey mountaintop jeer
Reichstag extinguished blaring sirens of cacophony capers to benumbed Linkin Park cheer
Knells intrepid by quakes of remonstrance staged in histrionic applause
Southern Colonies shifting in Charleston surgical in orderly slugabed dogged laws
Slipshod through ribbacles of rengall zenkidu among the sertivine poison ivy
Grimace at gamboled rivulets of a moribund Vanilla Sky for departed wiseacres of savvy dicey ICE toxic Harvey Dent slimy
A mannequin Marx Ralph alienated the truest alien by pioneering disdain of a hostage giraffe summiting a Swiss Alp
Master of time 12th bradycardia for Generator design parked beneath escarpments of base aphasia milquetoast in killjoy Strickland nickels away from a gubbertushed mouth
LOST legend enunciating the furor of epochs of egalitarian traipse
Trapped by the bootlick of a wrinkle of Van Winkle revolutionary agape
Curved by soliliquy master of belletrist prose
The vogue can’t help but bunt, balk, denounce the remembrance of Lady Madonna pose
We beat the muckrakers of rummaged lisp of culinary suns that the sons of privilege are emoluments to apolaustic zeal first known to transmogrified nuns, before the poppies made the few into many and the notion of an insuperable line of infinity into a spherical nullification of the concept of none
Estrapade engorges the fustilug magnet of the kitsch Kenosha Chicago Demolition drive-by-derbies “once read”
That two kings one Titanic by skin-color dashed dreams the other both the coins of tails eloped with heady dreams of head
Sacrifice shadow dancing with pettifoggery in slumps of aboriginal dances of marsupial rice
Native to extortion gouged blind as Samson exacts lachrymose cremations of Pikes Peak trick-or-treat aghast with fright
Temples raised in 46 years cemented never in the Mumbo Jumbo politics of those lacking the oceanic schadenfreude among queers
That by their exclusion the panmixia of fluid alchemy is dauntless scrabble limited by NORAD notions of Tears for Fears
Henpecked rooster awakens the serfdom of Ronald’s (sly spy) Drugs sailing with dovetails of elapse downtrodden in modern clubs
Drunken *** addict sell-out charlatans berated  by Ingram Angles sent by maleficence are the grubhub of Harriet Tubman torching promising tapestries with rugged rugs
Slinging the bait of fish-hook dimples on freckled effigies of ****** humiliation outmantled by Mickey weight
I thunder a fulgurant explosion against recrimination of white-collar criminals that philander saturnalia in pretense with facetious swarpollock freight
Crooks of tyranny exhort the paranoiacs of indemnity to sunken canned soup applause of a Warhol extortion
Berating my audience with drooling slavers of inelegant tortoise byzantine like an Istanbul dredged with intortion
Mr Deeds is not a champion of BRE Properties nor the pinnacles of inertia, a psychiatric squeeze
My orange juice is not a car chase against treecheese in terminal punitive disease
Soaring with the prosperous tongue against the walloped nativism of pounced impounds having too much fun
I let the other guardians of the order of salvation pivot vitriol in loaded dice against Orangutans of Swedish minted gum
Caesar died for the seizure of Anglican pride of a namesake percolating millenia for Brutus in the Washington Bullets of a conquered Ottawa on strike carnal with Chauvinism in regional divide
Never has there been a more hollow trope than the agency of deep state defamation of a scurrilous backbite of gnashing pride
Lost to pollster tricks of acquiescence and caricatures of a menacing personage Swift on the Riff but never the snarling Menace of a Blondie Biff
I tower above the anthills of conformity of luxury in Jamaican Bob Sled Teams testing the curiosity of enlightened “What Ifs”
Canada Dry for striking people enthused by Rye abides in the memory of reform that skulks the skunks that make every Scudworth cry
Because a Dental Dam damsel living in streets of peril fascinated by distance is the contortion of entreaty in the pasquinade of attempts at American Pie
May the city of a figurative crucifixion burn with the irony of a thousand suns as Wendy’s burgers unload on prejudice with albatrosses of winsome puns
Fixed data interpolated by convenient lies of serial killers who aim for blue skies shanked in Oswald infamy for the imposture of any flashbang revenge against cinematic guns
I blacklist the Zemeckis villainy as a trudge of travesty
Hedged lies blinkered by Batman and Robin puns redeemed by Dinosaurs of Amnesty
Obviously belittled by futures etched by a more honest infinity
Because 88 keys are not a stroke because the infinite bees know the parlance of divinity
Invited lissome taxidermies of Capone against teetotalers of parvanimity of vainglory overthrown
Showers the honest hominist reckoning of a world where neither crudity of know-nothing radical polarization owns every inept baritone
Crusading a secular war because the gubbertushed eccedentesiast spinsters of Santa Cruz deserve a gassy overtone
Torch the SC Pacific Avenue for peace
Let the world unite behind a singularity with purpose in ventilation of Speedman’s release
That antithetical Jacks of many names are wed with the progeny of enduring lists of NSA protection rather than rentgourge Denver PD eager to chaos decimated by the decimals of a region forever boycott and impeached
To the decisive curling of the frolicked Abandoned Pool servitude crass disasters are the sheol of impudent flagrant overreach
Regnant on the turmoil of invented throne
I scowl at the chicanery of Capone’s Chicago sweltering with Kenosha infamy tossing contortionist strippers a vulcanized bone in a DIA Diamond that even 11,500 years of knowledge is surpassed in condemnation of screaming E.T. calling the right home
Speak Now because the reach of forever is God appeased not by a kowtow but a mobilized ambition for Why? When? And How?
History will remember gentility as the kind steward rather than a Disco Demolition Derby of urbacity venerating a seasonal Golden Cow
Hipsters flock with folly to South African extortion for freebooters who bootlick the aceldama of war against the sublime currency of a winner surrounded by thugs
TOO MANY URBAN KIDS ARE TAUGHT BY REDUCTIVE TAUTOLOGY TO HATE The United States of America RATHER THAN NURTURING SYNCRETISM IN PATRIOTIC HUGS
Imperfect in design with disagreement in plainest sight
Sometimes libertarianism with a Democratic twinge is clearly in the right that should believe in reform even when the footloose girouettism is too tight
Yet forestalled for authentic grit the grisly rentgourge of venal abysses knows the countermand against Rand with hyperboles of the clearest *******
The true flock congregates around scepters built not with militant graft but a promenade of sultry dance for the defiant C.L.I.T.
Exercise with the Rock knowing school buses of dogmatism inferior are distraught
Dying dogmatism is a peacock of industry the yeggs can easily unlock rather than truckle with truculent Scottish Rites tasty with Connery Scotch
Defenders of the misleading staircase because of the carapace of Hovering pertinacity easily won and bought
Neither scary nor deliberate streets are rumpus of elevations of unbounded anarchy considerate but robbed by the illiterate
That the delegated mansion will be robbed by the cooperation of the remorseful idiot recognizing his snide mendaciloquence in destructive Roswell Records limerick
Scowls are on petrol and patrol hoping Tesla is a short of bravado too intrepid to sanction free-for-all profligacy in alleys that bowl
To the Emerald Street lie of hypes of perdition rather than merely a seasonal token embarrassment coal
The fossilized future is the irrevocable past because more respect is needed than the ***** of a maskirovka caste
Diamond Lightning in Bhagavad Gita prancing with the delusion of the everlasting mummification of Brawndo ash
Dinner with Egyptsy malingers on tomes etched flippant in integrity and all about the curated snare of kitsch cash
The cache valley of LASER tag shattered like Joseph Smith flagellating the confederate hayday with articulate gnash
Fast & Furious the amused by Suburban subway know the trailblazer trashes of The Stupids’ being Einstein about Boogie Dubs rather rash
Streaking through a Tucker rule the Buccaneers live for the SoulSeek of a riddled ruler benighted of prerogative of Roger Goodell bumping in his Ferrari the tucked serenade of Tool
Wrong band because they linger in the shadow dancing backpages of scandals of Norweigan hourglasses of shameful hush hush Vikings mining furloughs of pulverized anticipation sand
Humbled retinue shelves the ossified limpid droll drool
As the haze of submarines scouting pridefall galls of indolence betraying innocence becomes moral cigarettes of Menthol Kool
Reparations for chappy chapstick games of bowery riches
The urbane needs to read, discern and maneuver against whiplash found in Navi witches
Swapping homes with crack addict legalese an *** to a bronzed party crackling with cackles Home Alone
Knows a toiletry of escape gullible like Seahawks wishing they could contain a fumbled season by Mahomes
Jones methamphetamine paranoiac manure desiccated by folksy homilies of brimstone cremation deserts his flock to abide by a flagging wayward temptress
Decimated by the agency of time his Austin crenellation flounders in grimace of the untimely swoon his covert empress
Blinded by the light of darkness in subversion
Excoriated for the deeds of his permission to demote commotion into only an acquiescent dance with barbed etch-a-sketch conclusion- a half-baked *******
Quacksalver poetaster wrinkled with hatred simpering paranoia strangled by Hendrix abeyance of turgid delusion
Lurid underground Princeton gilds infested with defected dementia in cozens in the fritty of heralded mistress SHE appointed
Sandlot ravens cloistered the bravado of thirst for chosen words scrappy in clawed henpecks the pointless illegal sanctioned to brusque witticism anointed
Lamps of pathway sparkle with coruscated stargazer Winslet dreamy swank illustrious by providence
Engrenage of delopes of pettifoggery identity staggers the woozy dismal day of disjointed wounds on Native sons Denver can’t damage in a lonely campaign for the prodigal bends of Overlook Lorraine Motel bent
Intrepid in gallantry I swoop the scrivello tusked with might
Penetrating the vivid dreams of the serenade of alpenglow daylight
That love might rule over chance and probability above the specter of dynasty prodigy progeny tithing gravity in rent
Yet this taper of majestic poise will outfox even the careless gambles of the prodigal son Mr Sender already traipsed conquered and went
The mountaintop is so clear from the cloister of authenticity drinking Eminence Front of the WHO rather than the coherence of the near
Because titans shepherd the good flock without insult and not quavering with insuperable time flackey with tremulous fear
I dare this day to outlast benighted ignorance of the narrow gate of a persecution tsunami on a Lisbon tear
Because galloping ahead of the internecine sheds the serpentine craft of 3:1 Genesis met with the worst fleeced fleer
Not auctioned off like ******* vogue to the disfavor of poor taste
I am the true Royal Flush that can always count on the aced basic but mostly acidic flourish of a jest in bass predicated on the basis for Mozart pH
Today could be the summit of acclimated prodigy in startled degrees temerity could never bet against
Because you better bet the Bros and Cos of civilization are skilled in ostentation of Sterling Pound defense
Never offensive to the liturgy of triumph beckoning an apocalypse now tentative memory on a Manifest Destiny frontier rarely on wickers of extinguished cattle ranchers knowing the gamut of acumen to defend a fortress with the best fencing James Bond could dispense
Now is either a cordial joke of a flagrant anarchy balking at destiny
Or the sunrise majesty of the twelve tribes and beyond defeating the stingy bees of infamy
Your choice doesn’t defeat my voice
But your action heralds my loyalty with a triumphant Victoria of an age not for agelast geeks intimidated but living clairvoyance with fidelity to the right choice for the right time to swim in elegant rejoice
(1977 Words)
Àŧùl Dec 2012
Another day passed by,
But this wasn't as uneventful...
Emotions were slightly bent,
Making it eventful...

They disposed off the pain in their noses,
By sending the poor angel out of the nation...
One of them even dubs the protests as being fake,
But while saying so they ignore the steaming notion...

They're unable to get hold of the seriousness which it has instilled,
In the minds of the younger generation who protest the event...
It's not that a really rare event took place in the nation,
But the people observe & react towards it now...

And soon they will forget what they called the protests,
And all of the rest would forget what they protested...
But the day we sit to remember the year past 2012,
We will surely visualize some men attacking a girl...

Another year passed by,
But the next might be fruitful...
Emotions won't face a batter,
Making it peaceful...
© Atul Kaushal
An India Specific Poem.
Daniel Magner Oct 2013
Eyes never
shut
friends in the
cuts
Denny's, dubs,
rolling
deep
Daniel Magner 2013
Marcilyne Jan 2016
A leaked sanity
derived from a single unintentional stimulus
She immediately drowned in her illusions
A cascade of ecstatic emotional state
Led her to unexplained exhilarating lub-dubs
She entered a trance
An imaginary setting of pseudo-relationship,
originating from a deceptive analysis

Butterflies lodged in her stomach
Like drifting into the sweet tranquil breeze of fall
Odd feeling brought by an accidental impulse
an addictive sensation, continually sought
Like an ice cream that thaws
and never did she regret for this

Like a bud that delayed its bloom
She is a fixated lass
fast-tracked into maturity,
Depriving her of being subjected to adolescent giggles and anguishes
Coping for deficiency,
to undergo short-lived fascinations

It was never an ordinary night,
for it would happen only but annually
It was extraordinary
where angels descended from heaven

She looked at him
as a critical thinker *** philosopher inside a venerable physique
His intuitive notions flowed
keeping his cleverness inhibited,
ingenuity simply emanated
Decisive metaphorical analogies were mesmerizing,
in the depth of the gyros and sulcus
in his intellect she wanted to drown

The mystery of his smirks
she wanted to decipher.
In the profoundly of his personality
she wished to be familiar.

Electrocution!
Extreme voltage in her physique
sanity almost dripped
She cared less about reality,
forgetting about lucidity and rationality
A plethora of outlook insurgencies
led to confused convictions

Nothing big really happened,
just a matter of split seconds summarized as a simple skin-to-skin contact
an exhilarating interaction between epidermal layers
A premature ventricular contractions.
Marguerite Jul 2018
What's better than tripping is falling in love
What's better than Letterman, Leno, Fallon, and all the above
What's better than popping bottles trying to ball in the club
Is the first caveman pops with his son, ball and a club
What's better than paper is ballin' it up
What's better than followers is actually fallin' in love
What's better than frolicking, follies, fallin' in mud
Rolling in green pastures, wanderin', followin' love
What's better than eating is feeding your fam
What's better than meetings is missing meetings to meet with your fam
What's better than leaning and needing a Xan
Is hitting your zan dreaming a dream could mean leaving the land
What's better than yelling is hollerin' love
What's better than rhymes, nickels, dimes and dollars and dubs
Is dialing up your darling just for callin' her up
It ain't nothing better than fallin' in love
IGH!
Lovelovelovelovelove
E Flint Nov 2015
It's the next killing already.
The scene has changed.

The camera is up in the guy's face.
He's tilting back in the car-seat
with his eyes closed and his arms back behind him.
The media is leaning their heads and their questions
as far over the yellow and black tape as they can,
and the killer is smiling.

Flash to the victim.
Little girl.  Age 10.
A little overweight maybe and her cheeks are too red.
Her glasses are too round for her face
and it makes her look even fatter.
But she was on her way back from
a youth group.  He lived right next door.

Death
without jury.  Down with the hammer, and justice
is served.

Flash to the family crying.
They're acting all prudish,
declining to interview.
A voice dubs over,
speculating
on the nature of her molestation
as someone shoves their microphone
into the mother's face.

Back to reporter.
He's fluttering eyes with the killer.
His sympathy comes
oozing out of the speakers.
It's all on my fingers
and I ask him how much I should swallow.
Butch Decatoria Mar 2017

Awake too soon, to a dusk dusty with blue linings, not knowing what is shadow and who is foe, a precursor twilight sky and a dead city, still asleep. The cold that is felt, the concrete, the breeze, the metallic neglect or indifference, seeps in--not into Our shrapnel skin, but deep into the soul's being.

It feels like I am an infant that has been discarded and unwanted, and having not been found, losing a voice and a will to expect more than the stench of a life at the bottom of the heap of a garbage bin... I wake too late to catch myself... And like a babe I was ignorant of these fine lines, with edges of asphalt, blacktop streets so easy to break anyone walking it's tightrope... It's all fun and games until you lose all sight, although many who bed the sidewalks, calling it their mistress, know that it is not a blindness of the eyes, but something more, that we forgot to heed and keep a mindful thought...

Awake at the witches' hour, and already the voices are gathering their laughter and insults, all I wanted was another hour or more of stillness of nothingness, in sleep I find non existence, unless a nightmare or a dream reminds me of the reality outside... How can it be that scarecrows, or an inanimate thing as this, passed by without a second look, how can it feel so much, and suffer more? How can a nothing no one knows or cares for, flotsam, minutiae rock, possess more hell than the devil knows, all the wars and cancer, lifeless and painfully so...

then I recall all the sudden, the shuddering of my bones gripped by the winter wind, I remember that it was life I was to pay --attention to, or off a ******/wagon, pay checks are as long gone as the dinosaurs... How can we keep our eyes open and be mindful of life's beautiful *******, when all we look for is numb and a means to ****** the emotions that are alien to our own selves? When it's all breaking News and nothing's good enough but surrender and suicide... Then I recall the rumbling of life in my belly, and how empty truly feels similar to being wounded in battle / the field of grey and iron a constant reminder... We are nothing without the paper, the cash money, green / I forget what color trees use to be , when a vagrant's hunger is appeased when the Cheshire smoke floats away -- the pain of waking up too late or early... A twenty is still black and silver foil to me... The trees round here are barren or dime sac dubs, I want to defy my lungs when I recall the breeze, whipping lashes of ice ... Go **** a tree, my straw will suffice (I recall breath and beauty, falling down the pinstripe straws, the hollow of undead uncaring, the engine hum of bleak and ****** heat..) but winter always comes...

I remember that the **** is all the same, even completely wide aware with eyes dry but deeply pleading to go blind. Tell me how can a corpse of this scarecrow begin to cry, thus being somehow alive, too cowardly to succeed... Suicide is a name of a 40 oz. whenever he happens a happy dream.

Awake too early before the sun, I sit facing the west and feel the fire behind me... A rooster crows and all th world's voices scream to hate me.
Most times it's so loud with such weight of being nothing, the pain of empty, i buy black and I fall where I stand and pray to die in my sleep... Where ever it is I think I am... I mumble recalling nothing...still lost and forever needing...
final edit. Tell me what you think?
Torin Feb 2016
Lord Byron
Jack Kerouac
Ezra Pound
Emily Dickinson

Maya Angelou
Bukowski
Dubs B Yeats
John Updike

Pablo Neruda
My favorite
The greatest of all time

Still I hope a poem I write
Becomes your favorite
Survival
Of the fittest
I'm the most winningest
Compared to none bar none
****** can't hang with don
Dada devils wear red
Prada I gotta lotta
Ways I could improvise
Dialect open ya eyes time flys
By as I impair ya third eye
Braille from the lyrics that sell
Flowing from my.tongue
Increasing adrenaline surpass
The speed of light
Suckas try end up taking a bite
In the dust trust I bust
Hit ya before ya see it coming
Got ya body hummin'
As the spirit of death is summonin'
Lyrical abuiser over doer
This is the take over
Show boater as I rip more
**** than tornado
Infused with a boa constrictor
Inflict ya leaving a mental blister
No hipster lil ripsta
South side hister call me Mr
To the y o s e to the f mos def
Chasing mathematics
Flippin' through hos like an acrobatic
Aristocratic
Never dramatic burn static
Lyrical scholar
waxin' opponents
For the dolla check the rims on my impala
Dubs times two minus two
Back the dub holy as a cherub
Grub at the most exquisite
Places you couldn't visit
Back to reality of my prodigy
****** don't know me
Because they never even heard of me
But listen to my demo primo
If ya can't comprehend rewind
In slow mo
Be on the bolo I roll solo
Gun so I'm drama infested
Suckas become thermogenic
So i freeze em with cold flows
They turn hypothermia
hurting like a hernia
What's that swarmin' ya ?
As I sting 'em
With the rhythm
That's injects like a million bees
Plead no insanity
Ya plead insanity
Ya panickin' got ya stiff as a mannequin
This freestyle is the illest realest
Its a concrete jungle
Survival of the fittest ....i
Styles of the houdini, check me out, well endowed, zucchini,
Twist, the martini, black cap beanie, smoke the raw dutchie,
Sitting back, in the club, scenery feet  kicked, up watch the imagery,
Black gods is back, hold that, 24 diamond K, with da crisp stats,
Girls looking back, like who's that?, looking fresh, Hollyhood,
Like they wish this brother could, lay out, the fire wood, good,
Suits looking clean, flick off the haters, like Mr Bean, supreme,
Caliente, see my critics evil, parallel to, they failed holy grail,
I sail, boats on the ocean, of ya mind, suckas way behind,
Grind, the garlic metallic, off to Charlotte, catching webs,
Swinging from another cloth, lay out the chicken broth, to froth,
Ya mental cells, this ain't a fairytale, we dodge, the ***** bills,
I kills, spotlight lemons, pitch it like Roger Clemens, something,
For ya catch, cant shake this batch, see the rawness, I hatched,
Clench titles, over my rivals, holding the ****** bible, no rifles,
Flexing shanks, like vega giving thanks, hands on my tank,
Greets, ya like the chinese, culture ninja suits, peck a vulture,
See the violence, erupt ultra, chase the thrills, of a roller coaster,
No boaster, stay with toasters, soon to see ya, in a casket holster,
On the time stamp poster, paper articles, read, yeah he dead, bleed,
From his holy bread, I tried to stop the dread, families said,
They couldn't stop, the bullets, from piercing his head, all feds,  
Jumping out, the black Tahoe's, doing bagels, in all angles,
Tryna get, a crack of this, dollars crisp, for the loose lips,
I let the ships sink, where they may, no delays, **** the sways,
I stay under, the thunder, critics stuck in the blunder, now they wonder,
Why my heart's, sticking like ice lightening, kind of frightening,
See the bezel crystal, shining like fresh, steps of embyro, yo,
Kick down the doors, **** bill part four, see what's in store,
It's the ghost, of Jesus pluck the facetious, flows vicious,
Like my women, delicious, play the gangsta, cool rambunctious,
Sign ya ears, make the whole world hear, flaming pro dark sphere,
They cant stop the yosef near, grab a few beers, cold sweat tears,
Frosty, lay between the milky, way galaxy, cats try to battle me,
Only to see, damage amongst ya
embry, engage war victory,
Plot like General Patton be, ceased ya companies, fly a tree,
Embraced the psyop, ology, defying gravity, with the sting, of a bee,
Iron megatron dynasty, somebody told me, to stop rapping G,
I denounced, the negativity, only gave me, more bravery,
Do ya see what I see?, naw probably not, that's why they get shot,
Buck down, ya frail crowns, ain't housing up, to ya pounds,
Ya stale,money stuck in the ground, what's that sound, duck down,
Time to turnover, tell ya moms to bendover, heart of the clover,
Houstons soldier, ain't never had to rollover, cats it's like doja,
Saying they streets, when they really sweet, on the hunt for meat,
Dont believe their stats, they be lying, behind money n tats,
I stay with the true, blue steels hanging, wills, cash a deal,
Switch alias, in the club, throw a few dubs, of doves, it's all love,
Looking for wifey, she somewhere, in another dimension, gallery,
Picked off, skully demon seeds, indeed, let the words bleed,
It's the home of the Texas see the Lexus
Sittin' on chrome my home near the astrodome
Dickin' down the baddest yellow bones
Off of yellow stones cuz my diamonds
Lookin' like yellow stones once the sun shines on
My ices causes wrecks see my checks
Clear out me and my homies to homettes
Ballout this is a shout out to all those playas about
They business living restless so none could touch this
Once I hammer you go in a permanent slammer
Eternal damnation nothing but platinum
On ya stations from nation to nation
We creating a world wide swang got even the spirits to sang
Can't help to clang ain't no thang
Since I was made an outcast feel the blast it's an easy task
Suckas can't even last one round
From my guns sound make em break from town
Htown holding up all the pounds
Check my gravity pieces from my  nephews to nieces our money increases
From property leases **** y'all pleases
We giving no apology rap ology
Running mo' girls than Goldie
Mack 1-O for sho keep the six fo'
Three feet off of the floo"' look what's in sto'
Daytons laying up like Gary Payton
But this a g_love that ya can't catch heat in
Gangsta funk is what I'm speaking on
FleXin' from zone to zone with my Stacy Adams on none could clone
Texas we all stay with berretas so watch ya cheddar
Cuz ****** out with cold hearts minus the sweaters


They say Yosef don't rap yo what's the haps
On these new jacks with they rap wacks
Say they killers when they really ain't
Makin' no figures leave holes in ya figures
Catch what I'm saying sprayin'
Nothing but rawness my flows leave ya jawless
Flawless victory from my lyrical machinery
Subs still drinkin' out the finest Pubs
And throwing dubs to **** cherubs at the club
Strip see me I'm a player and I'll never slip
Watch where I'm walking and I'm still talkin'
Dangerous territory my clutch similar to Horry
**** the fake horror stories they bore me
Iraqi war veteran who better than
Me to wreck the microphone so smoothly feelin' Fugees
With that La La see times fly by
In a maze you dazed can't phase
Me out the darkest days rhymes equals
Pay with no delay from the heart of the Tre
That's third ward we leave scars carved with barbed
Wires rollin' like tires
Down ya boulevard we too hard
For the industry cuz ain't no soft in us G
95' flow bringing back that mellow
Accent flows adjacent to the mic I bent
Once the rhymes is sent feel my presence
Nothing but magic makin' classics
And mass caskets covered in plastic
From the flows that stretch like an elastic
Smoggin' the city so it's bound be traffic
Jams as I slams ya ear drums again
And again ya can't break away from the wind
That's bound to touch leavin' hataz in a crutch
Yo I'm a just cool playa, from the black Himalayas, slay ya
Stylist, yosef the realist, merciless once I get a feel of this,
Beats knocking ya out of ya seat, bring the heat, it's so sweet,
Got the ladies rockin, ain't none stopping, we stay locking,
Down the strip, clubs with voluminous dubs, cherubs
Waiting for the smooth pitching, I play the criminal position,
Ready to jack her thoughts, without her being caught,
Paying attention, mental ammunition, strong baby so no dissin,
Me, I'm tryna start a family, but uh I can't help it's the man in me,
The sanctity, of life is all lost, wish I could break the devils cross,
Why we gotta go,back in forth on the merry'go ******, let the cherry glow,
**** flow mental, waking up ya spiritual embryo, cycle
What about the title, yeah I was made from the best playaz,
Dont wanna ya walk with me talk with me,
let's breeze the sheets properly, baby feel my dire esctasy




Old school spice, somethin nice, like my shorties iced, enticed
By the sugar coated chocolate candy, caramel salt snails
Tryna get me to fail, oh well, this ain't ya average gangsta tales,
This is something for ya mind to dwell, on crisp out the song,
Yo sound the gong, the love wars has begun, lust horizons
Temperature rising, beyond the shining, darkness hiding,
The real feels, scared of a natural heal, ride loves thrills
Seems like a cursed will, is this a joke or evenly yoked,
TrynaFocus on her mind,and not her behind, baby girl let's grind,
Excuse me ma, I'm just letting off a few shots from my maw,
Dont fall for the Male toxicity, its saddity, good and plenty,
Real brothers out there, just let out the hot air, yeah true player
For real, harder than steel, giving women a touch of whip appeal
Caught the ears of Paaimon rings dramaderies sitting in the bling
Sunshine glowing in orings feel the celestial angel in a sing I bring
Drama permanent trauma war soldier creed I follow the persona
Who wanna mic check any local laid smooth vocals this ain't a minstrel
But I show ya a face painted in black as tar leaders of the news scars
From battlefield wombs til I touch the tombs yall infused zoom
Wisdom heirloom wear it like my girls perfume scent to bloom
Blood pressure a skyscraper highs moments I kiss of the thai
Why ask why I was born to die freak of nature lies in the eyes pies
Being baked without the oven aside the shoving tough loving
See hostility hovering over the clouds of mankind i stand on nines
Pierced the sunshine once the darkness is combined outlines
Of my energy sitting comfy smooth as Humphrey racking in money
Honies only leech to ya when they see ya what reality preach
I breach they contract ** stamp that see where they hearts at?
Broke em up where they had the connect at tie down the stats
Champion of Dons they dont want one with the grand title Solomon





I went from a boy prince to a king sitting tall as Yao Ming
Big brothers over all of my siblings purple reigns still dribbling
In the purest form calculated a chemist charm out swarms
A new product me holding the check I got new mics to wrecks
And forget what my peers reject I take wisdom scholars to collect
Poetry symphony ears sharp beethoven sounds I hound
Drown all the negativity with creativity mics the remedy
Once the beats gravitates towards me yall ain't feeling me
But I guarantee you'll feel these ghetto blues light the fuse
Cristal bubbly packs of the dubs in the clubs multiple ladies
On my payroll gangstas lawyers to the GI Joe's that's how it goes
Out grows my portal of knowledge keep the clique half circle
So I can see what's behind me yall rewind me see the sanctity
Lifes a ***** I never had a kid with it only a few hits then i flipped
The chips is stacked at an all time high know I got scopes on me from the ghetto birds in the sky!!!
Though shaq and biggie mounted it
I'm here to restock it match the profits
Lyrically I'm off it the topics can't stop it
The reign shedding from my brain divine
Words ******* numbs yo pains insane
Words that play can't take me away sway
Emotions coasting overdosing posing
On these fake imposter hang with real mobsters
Eating shrimp steaks to lobsters coppers
Can't match my appeal of the real steel
Superman burners in hand fans I demands
Understand I been president over hip hops residence
Once I learn to wreck ***** tapes that dates
Back before I settle my birth date crates
I was coming out of my shells casket
A ******* a tisket and a tasket see me mastered
The classics wizardry poetry straight above thee
Line Kobe Bryant politic tyrant been defiant
Others denying it cuz they pan skills fryin' it
Once I throw my beef gold teeth Christ reef
Hanging on my neck-isis this is ludicrous
Why i gotta do this keep my styles crisp
Raising cane since my fingers caught stingers
turncoats floating into singers way after the lingers
I'm feelin' Donnie Hathaway pavin' a way
Out of the ghettos though it keeps me astray
Dump the blunts in the cars ashtray by the tre
Eighties rolling with three of my baddest ladies
We all crazy especially if that purple Hazin' me
Hendrix guitar talking to me backwards swords
Made off of my vocal chords most largely ingorned
Critics board mad cuz I nailed 'em and soared
Deep into the auroras skies surprise uprise taste the cherry pies thighs
My women catching a glimpse of a paradise's stain fools know they can't stop the reign what???



I'm off the chain with no ridges ditches
To snitches best wishes thrown ozone
Out of the park I spark **** unseen like a quark
Call me Tony Starks iron Man when the
Gats in my hands breaking mic stands
Wither it be bymyself or other company
I keep it poppin' like we back in the 90s
Rewind me over and over til ya clover sober
Never too **** clever break any weather
Stormy or sunny it don't matter I still see
Greenery backs thumb tact once I impact
All blacks we rising above the regular stats
I broke the match once they tried to light me
But I'm too slippery operate machinery
Subs throw dubs at the club  flip a cherub
Holy moly I'm feelin' hits through the ravioli
mandible with the claw like Mic Foley
Can you smell what I'm cookin' sky hookin'
Grooves off time shooken got em looking
See my styles hard to pace like picante gigante
Freak women badder than Ashanti they say
Rain on me leave a stain on me big daddy
Heavy with the D see the girls they love me
Hip hop lover since I ****** my first under the covers
Word to my shebas dressed out iced out divas
Better believer brother making receivers
Girls catch my feeling mad ****** healing
I'm feelin' inner city blues like Marvin carvin'
Out his sighs with timely cries analyze
Black music never abuse it Tom's I cruise it
Once the mission held impossible
I make it look possible suckas so gullible
Flammable once the mic ignites you
Words is gasoline switch up the whole scene
Navy green fatigue see my war path bleeds
Joker mentalities live by no moralities itty bitty
Chaos try to creep take ya designed lost
Destined to be Boss so let's have a coin toss
Harley Harveys leaving dent break presidents
Fresh mint scents Franklins to Lincoln bent
See the establishment bribes for a settlement

Can't stop won't stop can't stop won't stop
PEARL SMOKE May 2018
March 2018
I Didn’t notice.
Like always
I believed I had it all under control.
Everything was ok.
Everything seemed fine.
I felt normal,
I would stop soon.

I was Wrong ..
I Fell Down So quick.
I went hard.
No dubs or teeners.
I went straight to a Ball.
I just went all out.


I lost myself again.
I Lost control of the substance.
I Was trapped.
It became a problem.
One I wasn’t aware of.
I Had no recognition of at all.
I Didn’t see that I couldn’t stop.
I kept going
Kept using without seeing the frequency.
The days spent stuck.
I lost touch with reality.
This previous Relapse
Has been the worst in my life .
I haven’t had a binge like this time since 2015.
I used every day .
For 6 1/2 Weeks.
I lost track of the days & time.
I Sniffed & Smoked 2 8 ***** all to my self.

At the time I didn’t see how crazy that was.
Those weeks, an 8 didn’t surprise me.
The amount didn’t shock or Worry me.

I was fine , I had control.
I was doing ok , everything seemed & felt normal.
It was just a small relapse.


I was wrong
I lost touch with reality.
I formed a habit .
I was addicted again .

The sad part is
I’m able to acknowledge this Only through writing.
In real life , my denial mind
I’m able to handle my addiction. I’m ok & Dont have a problem.


It angers me.
Since my 1st Relapse
In August.
I’ve Fallen Very often.
It saddens me.
How I quickly Skipped
The Weight.
Why does it worry me?
My mind will no longer seek a Dub when I’m triggered to use.
It will want Another ball.

Anything less
My Addictive mind
no longer craves.
It now settles for Big.
This relapse has changed the game for my addict ways.
I’ve Relapsed every month
Since August.
I Had it all under control.
I Was able to use and stop.
Just this last time
I completely lost it.
Check it the album's supreme clientele thoughts parallel  
To the universe scales dance fancy as the Drells sails
Girls water Gail  marvel the Marvelles slash the bells
**** what liberty yells bail from jail salt the snail all fails
From the plot deep within casted stones to my sin squids binges
Latch to ya unattached emotions coasting smooth dosing
Words from weeds roasting in the papers capers crusader
Joker invader mental status watch the crowds rate us fade us
Never chose from the red and blue rose thoughts is a pose
Out grows an idea for the dead scenarios Luther flow
See me here and now smile like the poltergeist lighted style
Fouls leeched from the wicked punched tickets stick it
To a venus fly paper low cut with the tapers craters haters
So alpha far from beta mad debaters watch me fade ya
MJ on a breakaway see my tongue out like the gun snout
Morge got ya gums out perms to a pout standing stout reroute
Ya tour pure as the big H triple drink ripple til I *******
The microphone smooth tones sly stone safari's zone
Battle by my own cant stand clone postal as Malone I'm gone
In the wind chasing words pasting copy intellects wasting  
Time space age celibacy freaky me naw it's just the God in me
Shed prophecy  black as mahogany ebony jets threats
Cash watchers third eyes bezel baguettes sitting on bets
Once the horses play sweats poker bluff see the fishnets
******* the beats **** the rhymes shine mind everytime
Perfect selection every line silent critics to a mime dime
Over singles making jingles pop the pringle guns is eagle
Pass illegal bribe the paralegal sniff a Kojack beagle evil
Loves to play with the good sigils seperate brother but equal
To the universal a prince dazed off the purple laced the circle
Pentagram pinning money grands in grams hard head slams
Crash a thought wonderous cloth cruise to the Blackstones
Back on the black throne dial up no ring tones styles chrome
Diamond taxes abraxas close to the faxes who could axe this
My minds to abyss annihilate  analysis picture my fist
Black love throwing subs of dubs packed out clubs above
The clouds of nine shine once I crack the sunshine signs
Giving by godly Angel's of Charlie swarm me feelin' swarthy
With my skin tone beautiful scents  on unpriced cologne  
Outlaw Jim Jones splash songs crimp ya love Jones foam
Soapas  **** an oprah  at the opera spectacular raptor
Rent the flesh once I mic check begins an ultimate threat
Jeeps I roll over the creep at the peak impeach the breach
Contract check my rap habitat trained for combat stats
Sitting like a maxed out politician wishing for Christian *******
Out biblical concept reminiscing lobbyist  still fishing
For the bait **** the sheep til they minds ******* outrate  
Dates disco for the brakes Jake's hands still out for the stake...

With "One"
All It take is "One"
Serious rhymes I drop is "One"
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2019
third eye blind... you know the term,
right?
****, you don't...
because i just invented it...

   what am i thinking of?
food...
          should, or shouldn't i,
poach an egg, nearing 3am...
maybe i should...

third eye blind,
which is sort of a reference to
eyes wide shut...
which is a subsequent
reference to
the madonna-*****
complex of immediate *******
and the predating limp biscuit...

i'm starting to suspect,
that all these pornographic actors,
really go into gears,
when they expect
the: third eye blind...
             i.e.?
       a ******...

              it's almost like they need
a 3rd party enterprise
of engaging in the act...
there's absolutely no interaction
between 1st party or second
party sources...

           like... there's a 5th ****
in paradise...
and he dubs himself: charlie
chuckles...
                 you watch enough
of these videos...
you begin to build up
a defecit for the act,
and more...
a thickened membrane
                                akin to a monk...
         because there are consequences:
and they in the waiting line,
become,
    measured.
  
but you ever wonder about
the "complexity"
of third eye blind?
                no?
the madonna-***** complex
was so late 19th century,
and so missed by 20th century
pop culture of "liberation"...

i'm looking at third eye blind...
it would appear...
that some women,
require...
   a hidden audience...
to engage in the act...
          why wouldn't they,
they're not looking
at the 1st person actor,
they are looking at the 2nd person
prop actor, the pornographer...
technology requires
translation...
          what are they looking at?
******* one thing,
equivalent to staging
an ****?

             come again...
i'm a bit deaf to once side...
eh... whatever...
eyes wide shut is just as well
as third eye blind...

                god, please send me a tsunami,
god please send me a storm,
a hurricane,
               a lightning bolt...
anything, anything,
to replace this canvas of nature...
me, myself, in a foetal conundrum
awaiting abortion...
      anything but this *******...
this ratio of 3 to 1...
                       how about
i drink myself to death?
how's that?
                                                     gladly...
                   which part of me
is going to escape "taking it"?
                 i too have a ******
preference...
                      less black gold from
the camel jockey / sand *******...
            and more...
well...
                 thank you for disavowing
me to make reproductive investments!
i gladly thank you:
for being served this fate.

— The End —