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There are things I don’t want to talk about

Her destructiveness, my destructiveness

The nature of destruction

To surrender, allow, withstand

Her beautiful soft eyes looking off

The force of her scorn

There are things I never imagined
One4u2nv Jan 2012
Write on the bathroom wall this:  


Diligence is probably slaying rebellion

Dreaming comes out of an atomic bomb

Your girlfriends in a gang that’s lead by prostitutes  

Cavemen getting punched in the face by men  

Werewolves developing a crush on skinheads  

Soldiers experimenting with martyrs  

Your nextdoor neighbor pretending not to know a *****  

A gypsy writing love letters to a villain  

A guy you once dated driving away from a distant memory  

Your mother at a funeral with an executioner

Mind control freak making eye-contact in an elevator with a flight of birds  

Gleefully bulldozing gigantic flaming embalmers underground  

Ferociously inspiring detail-oriented museums in the dark  

Painfully sorting through stainless steel students backwards  

Electronically sorting monophonic apparitions in the shadows  

Faithfully inhaling Armenian scorpions at tea time  

Briskly hovering above loud controlled substances eaten by America and spat out  

    Dream about this next time you sleep:  

Quizzically exquisite keyholes inside a sunken ship  

Wearily alcoholic skeletons invading our love  

Sharing sternly precious lithographs with Charles Manson  

Adoringly high-pitched frescos out on the streets  

Wildly crunchy affairs with reckless abandoned hope  

Her boyish handymen is like Mona Lisa without her brows

Sensually cuddling big pistols  

The AntiChrist finds the cure for cancer in the local pet shop

Mary Magdalene can sometimes lead to your soul’s desire  

*** can (and often does) lead to motherhood  

Absolutism has never touched cooperation  

The Tao Te Ching manifested properly may ease the destructiveness of Christ  

******* is hindered by believing in motherhood  

Nature encourages rebirth and recycled courage  

Ashtanga Yoga is more important than victory  

An inspired mind isn’t always The Bible  

Energy must always conquer evolution  

*** is a decent alternative to nightmares wouldn’t you agree?  

Electricity is a manifestation of mercy and Tesla  

Pleasure feeds on Gandhi’s sweat ridden bald head  

Candidly breaking dormitories brimming with joy  

Barely used unstable translators outside the lines  

Enjoying calm lavish casino hotels with the electric eager manicurists of tomorrow  

A janitor burying a troop of apes while nature contributes to death and new yesterday’s  

The unknowable comes out of knowledge  

A ***** mind finds the cure for ignorance in patience and the aloha spirit

Education contains traces of drugs and alcohol and also combats drugs and alcohol  

Satan always enjoys Richard Dawkins.
RW Dennen Sep 2014
Imperialistic meddlers,
men of power greed and wealth
Western Imperialism
not too long ago
was once put on the shelf
Not too long ago
this name was never heard
Its name is New Order of DiSoRdEr
But still us folk of sanity
with eyes wide open
we see their compliance
lock-step herd vanity

In White House spin gone amuck
they throw their bolts of anger
to all countries on the globe
And with more and more displeasure
we witness their destructiveness
from sea to shining sea

But now I hear, see and feel
a distant faint rumbling the rising Valorous
the rumbling stampeding of democracy
by the forceful rightful anger,
the free-spirited valiant word
a word of truth and dignity,
the echo of today,
and aaah yes
to hear the thundering of the mass
To hear the thundering of the mass...
This short reading of mine protesting for freedom for Haiti- with Haitian dignitaries- was presented in Philadelphia at City Hall
on the western front facing traffic and straight ahead was Market Street heading west. The year was 2005
mannley collins Aug 2014
and looked into the mirror that the Isness of the Universe held before me.
Seeing nothing but the Isness of the Universes indifference
and glee at the ongoing 26 armed conflicts
it has initiated worldwide.
Seeing it possessing all the vanity and all the narcissism
worthy of a "god" or "goddess"or any "religious" leader. .
I am, as are all others,the individual Isness,
which is a small but equal,
individual autonomous and independent part,
of  the essence of the Isness of the Universe.
I am incarnated in this,the latest in a long lineage of bodies
dating back beyond numbers or clocks.
I am incarnated here to realise my true nature as an individual Isness.
Seeing naught but the Isness of the Universes perversity and destructiveness
manifest all around me,
in the various civilisations that have come and gone
and still remain ever warring and corrupt.
It is a hard thing to acknowledge that one is a part of the Isness of the Universe
when you are a separated part of it,
but truthfulness wins over "truth" any day for me.

Truthfulness is the only way to preserve my most precious possession which is my individual integrity.
I looked and saw corruption and shed just the one tear and  
shook my head slowly and sadly.
And I stood up and walked away ******* myself with hollow laughter
at how impotent and nackered the Isness of the Universe has become,
since it created the universe out of its own beingness.
All of us individual,one to each body,each a part of its very beingness.
I,this particular individual Isness, was there at the beginning,as were all others,
living the pure truthfulness of existence--as all individual Isness were.
In Union with the Isness of the Universe--not separated by bodies
Minds and GroupMinds and Conditioned Identities
and Group Conditioned Identities.
The Isness of the Universe acted biggy bangy turning its self into the Universe.
Then came the transition from less than nothingness
into existential beingness in a succession of bodies.
I separated from the Isness of the Universe and took the first of many bodies,
foolishly believing the things we had agreed on before selbst manifestatie would come to pass.
Naively believing that the Isness of the Universe's word would be honoured.
Fool that I was.
How untrustworthy and sly the Isness of the Universe has become,
hiding behind "religions" and the masks of many "gods" and "goddesses".
Using its many surrogate and shallow identities,
to manipulate and mislead my gullible fellow individual Isnesses
into the slaughter of War on an industrial scale.
Lauding the death of decency and honour and integrity
and non-violence and equality and unconditional love.
How vain and shallow the Isness of the Universe has become,vainly
demanding worship and praise and the blood of innocents
as if this petty narcissism is the raspberry sauce
on its cosmic Ice cream cone,to be licked avidly,
gore running down its chin.
How untruthful and evasive the Isness of the Universe has become,
a role model for death and war and criminality
and sexism and lies and untrustworthiness.
Who will help me talk sense into our progenitor
before it destroys life altogether?.
Is there any one out there who can stand with us
and talk back to our erring and errant beingness?.
Where are the real women and men,not the "seekers" with their endless narcissism and gullibility?.
Hiding behind stolen verses and concepts
taken from a million pornographic philosopies.
And please no prancing posturing chattering "poets" with
their fancy stanzas about love and destiny and
eternal bliss.
Oh and their "sincerity".
You against the world!.
more like you against those who would stop
you ******* the very life energy out of humanity.
Oh Cowards.
Are there no other Men and Women of Integrity alive?

www.thefournobletruthsrevised.co.uk
dark blue Sep 2021
you tap
into my sickness
turning me on
to the nth degree
pure heroine
main lined
into an artery

i know it
i feel it
how wrong it is
how bad
you are for me

i’ve tried
to stop
this vicious
cycle
of self
destructiveness

kiss or ****
**** or fight
which one
will it be
tonight
NitaAnn Jan 2014
I ponder that question during those long nights when my mind won’t rest and I am begging for someone to knock me out with an injection of some mind-numbing medication so it will just stop. It used to be that the overwhelming question of “WHY” would send me into fit of self-destructiveness and suicidal thoughts. Kind of a: I can’t change it…I can’t fix it…no one will listen to me…which would lead this overwhelming internal pain that I could not deal with and I would hurt myself (mostly cutting) in a last ditch effort to get it to just stop. I don’t want to die, I’ve never wanted to die – not really…I just want someone to help me figure out a way to deal with all the conflicting parts of me and my past – help me in a way that WORKS!

NITA, YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS BEFORE THEY DEAL WITH YOU….and deal with me, they have. Now what? Since my feelings began to manage me and I was no longer able to manage them…I was told to put them in the ‘time-out’ bucket. Label them – and throw them in the bucket. Well, let me just store them in the old cedar chest where they were covered with a quilt and preserved for 30 years before someone actually led me to believe that it was ‘okay’ to talk and I was not bad…and that I had a right to be heard and understood and ‘accepted’.
(To be fair, let me add the statement that my self-destructive behavior was excessive and troubling…and there were times when I could have died due to my ‘behavior’. And yes, I get that it’s okay to have feelings and emotions – however best not to always act on them.)  


But the problem is that there is so much hurt...so much pain, that we can't do it alone.  We have stored it for so long because we were afraid and ashamed that to finally find someone we can trust and then to feel as though that trust was breached…it’s like validation that we never should have spoken in the first place. Somewhere in our maladaptive brains it only confirms that our abusers were right. We don’t matter. Everyone else is more important than we are. We are nothing. We have no rights and we will always be nothing.  However unintentional that perceived breach of trust was...it was enough to send us right back there again. Even if it was a promise, or commitment, that was not sustainable - but was offered with only the best of intentions...even if your life 'changed' and you had over-extended yourself...that just validates that we are not important.  I realize that is not the way a 'normal' person, a person who actually received love and care that every child deserved, reacts.
But we never had that...our trust was broken time and time again.
Day over day,
week over week,
year over year.


Yes, it is a lot of shame to carry...too much. And the abuse from my childhood has ripped apart my insides to a depth I can barely see and feel.  There are parts of my being that were destroyed to the point that I know they can never be recovered.  Every night when I lay my head down I wish for even two hours of peaceful sleep....telling myself, "Sweet dreams, no nightmares."  Each evening when the darkness comes I hope like hell I can get through it without feeling him all over again, without hurting myself, without a pain so intense I cannot stay in this body anymore.  Each morning I wake up with no new injuries or long lasting residual after-affects from nightmares I am thankful for surviving another night.  But the shame, and the fear, and the pain...and the sadness of not having anyone to help guide me though it...all of that remains.  But I have put it back into the cedar chest and covered it with the quilt.  It is my childhood dowry...a dowry no one wants.  

And I remain silent.  
Because I am afraid now.
I am ashamed of my behavior.
  I am ashamed of my weakness and fear.
I am ashamed.
I am ashamed.

But I hope that someday I will not be ashamed.  
I hope that someday someone will listen to me, to 'us'.
What are we waiting for?  Won't anybody help us?  What are we waiting for?
We have stood up...we are trying to fight the enemy...won't anybody help us?
Six times life has trembled,
At the passing of apocalypse.

Each time,
Three causes were possible:

Heaven,

Hell,

And Earth.

From heaven, asteroids could fall,
And throw up curtains on the world,
Or passing waves of cosmic fire
Would strip away the clouds.

From hell, the waters of Styx
Might slip through terrestrial cracks,
Then rise as gas,
To heat the world as sheets of floating glass.

Between the two:
Animals themselves
Could mediate the flow
Of Earthly poisons.

Of the three apocalypses
Born on Earth,
Their horsemen are:
The progenitors of atmosphere:
Primordial Cyanophyta,
Then Archeopteris, first of the trees,
And inventor of the root,
And last:
Humanity ourselves,
The apes who play with fire.

Apocalypse number one was caused
When Cyanophyta -
Named for the blue-green colour
Possessed by these bacterial worms -
Learned to inhale the Sun.

They breathed in photons,
Filtered through a heavy atmosphere,
And exhaled an ocean of oxygen,
That filled the skies with ******.

Then the world was a canvas painted
With a single simple transformation:
The land – which then was only iron –
Was touched, naked
By the breath of blue snakes
And so the wide metallic continent of Ur,
Was racked from coast to coast
With rust.

The world’s iron skin absorbed oxygen like cream;
So that, when the global epithelium
Could take no more,
The new air rose,
And thinned the heights,
And all the gathered warmth of centuries
Escaped into the stars.

Then – an interlude of flame –
Comets fell on reddened ice,
And the planet’s molten core restored
The stratospheric glass,
And the world was hot once more.

Next, Archeopteris:
First of the trees,
As plant life rose to giants,
The primal soil of Gondwana
Was infiltrated
By the evolution of the root.

As vascular limbs drilled down to earth,
They plundered minerals,
From which these new goliaths
Grew fronds,
And then, upon the giants’ deaths,
Their carcasses were ill received
By little lives
Who could not hold their salt.

Then came the chaos of holy war:
Heaven rained and hell spilled up,
And so passed end times three and four,
Up to the kaleidoscope of teeth and claws
That was the age of dinosaurs.

Now the fifth apocalypse
Was Chicxulub:
A worldstorm in a meteor,
So named for baby birds
And the sound of Armageddon:
Xulub!
A knight in igneous armour,
Who killed the dragons of Pangaea.

Now, to the sixth.
As yet far less fatal than the rest,
But the first apocalypse
With eyes and ears,
Who sees the fire its engines breath,
And to its own destructiveness attests.

We began in the trees,
And once the planes were cleared of predators
By mighty Chicxulub,
We moved out onto the grass,
Stood up and freed our hands,
And learned to play with fire.

With it we loosed the energy
In roasted meat,
And poured the new-found resource
Into intellect,
Then wielding sapience,
We humans spread:
The first global superpredator,
We preyed on adults of apex species,
Tamed the world,
Then dreamt of gods
Who placed us at its helm.

We noticed then,
The manifold atomic dots
On the cosmic dice that cast us;
And stuttered in shock.

Our dreams of stewardship
Were dashed on revelations,
That we are the chaos
In the inherent synchrony of dust.

Refusing all potentials
That mirror the errors of our youth,
We let the title ‘sentinel’
Drift from loosened fingertips,
Any now by morbid self-assertion,
We mark ourselves:
The selfish sixth apocalypse.
Satsih Verma Jan 2017
You were comfortable,
when you abused in native speech.
After the conviction,
there was smoke and ash.

Bring down the white plumes
from the volcano's crater,
and begin the swan song
for the sake of vanishing grace.

It is my turn now to
walk in penumbra, wrapping
off the dark core of human mind
and give a prelude to matephors.

Below the wings, the
trapped wind lifts the fallacy
of a fall when you were
already buried in a shadowless flesh.
Lucia Cernuños Jun 2013
Love of justice perverted to revenge and spite,
*These are the words of anger and hatred.
Self-destructiveness, violence, and impatience,
My anger will go on for ages to come.

My vengeance never ending,
My spite full of fury.
My rage never complete,
My life full of hatred.

I am a fighter,
But I fight for no one.
I am weak,
But I am weak for no one.

I am a black knight.
Not your black knight.
Not God's black knight.
Not Hell's black knight.

I am my own knight of impure justice
I am the black knight of un-distilled wrath.
maybella snow Oct 2013
why are there people who believe its "poetic" to self harm
it frightens me that there are teenagers who are doing this
to themselves, they're self harming because they think it
is "darkly beautiful" or "sadly romantic" there is nothing
beautiful about the scars covering my skin there is nothing
romantic about being terrified someone, anyone, might see
them, these lines of weakness, that i've placed there myself
it's an addiction, a sick way i clean my head, because
the thoughts jumble up, thoughts of; missing, emptiness,
time, space, names, locations, people, dates, stories, sadness
wrongness, hurt, longing, hate, self loathing, destructiveness
i am no where near proud i fell this deep into a hole this dark
i'm scared of being close to people, i shut myself away,
starving myself to reach "perfection"
because maybe if i am skinny enough to be considered "perfect"
then people wont care, wont notice the pink and purple lines
covering my form. no. there is nothing poetic about sadness
nothing. so stop convincing yourself you want to be a sad
lonely, scared, self destructive "poet"
creation is the principle
caught between life
and death,
between the succulence of sustenance
and erratic destructiveness,

the gestations of hereafter,
cascading novelties heretofore,
a reflective dynamism,
in the moving mirror,

the bitter-sweet
sweet-bitterness,
of paradoxes pumping,

a living death
that is,
what dies
into loves thrusting,

the fecund surge of heart,
upon the looming edge,
between the past lined birth place,
and the precipice.
Skin flaking away to shreds
Breathing a fresh whiff of mockery your way, my way,
Shrouding their compliments and
My pride that turned stale
As they were uttered.

Alphabets
Lisping out of my mouth
Numbers
Trickling out of my mind
(Not a hospitable host,
This existence of mine, they recount.)
Fears & dreams
Going into comatose.

Clock-hands pointing at me,
At the stroke of wakeful realization
Like arrows, yanking out and
Darting past me, in all directions
On a time-bound mission.

Sounds, gone out of tune inside of me
Screeching out of my ears
Favourite colors, smells, sights
Now driving me nauseous
A choking cough that echoes
(Was it not supposed to stifle it, like in movies?)
Of all of these
Crashing at me,
Trying to weave again
That familiar path on that train
That leads to the crossroads of that maze
Of self- destructiveness
That I seemed destined for,
No matter where I'd exit from.
("The exit is only a dead-end!", a fleeting voice quivers)
As I stagger under weightlessness
While familiarity squints into a blur
and
Alienation burrows a happy home
Mute stares from my end lasting three nanoseconds
Angry for they still don't get it
Thrilled, breathing a sigh of relief.
For I get it, lest I should forget it,
This, where I had arrived.

Or

Was I inhaling stagnant complacency
Slipping into the reprieve of familiarity again,
Of accursed i-dent-ity
Wait. Am I getting familiar with myself?
P.S. Things you held dear
Where are those now?
Were they yours to admire?
Or mine to own?
Hate not blood course through my veins
I want to laugh in your face, when you feel the pain
My fury is my story not yours to tell
Mine to yell, demonstrate, remonstrate
Wrath, in its purest form, presents with self-destructiveness, violence, and hate that provokes feuds that go on for centuries.
Wrath persists long after the person who did another a grievous wrong is dead. But, wrath is mine to feel, to touch, to taste.
Feelings of anger impatience, revenge, and lividity.
Wrath is allowing my revenge, call it self-destructive, call it
bad behaviour, my sin of wrath is directed internally toward me.
Suicide, deemed as the ultimate, albeit tragic, expression of hatred directed inwardly, a final rejection of God's gifts.
But,you made me angry so it's you I reject.
When cold tempered steel,
meets hot vengeful blood
© JLB
Dante described vengeance as "love of justice perverted to revenge and spite". In its original form, the sin of wrath also encompassed anger pointed internally as well as externally.
Brujo Alligatore Sep 2015
Playing dare with self destructiveness
Brave
Alive
This game I don't always win
Demands my attention
It's kinda sick, like normal machismo
Eppy B K Avery Dec 2014
I have this quote in my diary. apparently I was already reading Erich Fromm as a teenager. I don't remember reading Fromm that long ago  BUT I can definitely recommend the books: "the Art of Love" and "The Art of Human Destructiveness" because those are two books I have given to friends.
troglodyte Sep 2015
I am from the tears of an aged woman,
who cried happily to a worn down man.
I am from bare grass,
where my shoeless feet felt the gentle blades,
and my tender hands gripped the bark.

I am from the countless fights,
the destructiveness of different personalities
all forced into one home.
I am from the coffee-stained house,
from the  yeses and no's,
from the broken glass.
I am from the ballerina-pink room
where I spent most of my time.

I'm from the unwelcomed situations,
naked and unbearably lost.
From the broken bones,
to the broken hearts.
I am from emotions.

There, in my mind,
all these memories,
good and bad,
are the important stuff.
I am from what she made,
but I created,
and I will destroy.
You were the one whom breathe life into my soul.
It was you that has restore my life , when I fell .
It was you whom rescue me, from the h3ll that I made.
It was you that had rescue me from self destructiveness.
For I did not deserve your Love or Grace that you gave me.
But you chose to ignore it and rescue me anyway God.
It was all for your Perfect purpose that you have save me.
Even though you did not have to you save me anyway.
So you could use me to help others to see your  truth.
That you are Good and that you love us all no matter.
How evil that we been in this here world we live in.
Michalis Jul 2017
Where are thou, O Childhood of mine?
Did you bury the years of despise and despair?

Anger took the best of me, quiet in a room,
diggin' deep a hole, preparing my own funeral.
I gave up living, while feeding the Demons in my mind,
I went berserk and crazy too, but oh so perfect I behaved for you.
I was a good boy, decent, easy, beautiful and chaotic inside,
my heart closed, a Spirit drowning, yet none could see,
for unfortunately it is but rather normal, that all are "mental".

Oh those years of isolation, I found the virtual and lower pleasures, my only consolation. Friends were gone, a brother out having his fun, and a family blinded by their sickness. O I pitied myself. I wanted to destroy everyone! Hatred grew. Anger raged! Love dead and I truly became a Starving Vampire! I loved the night, I lived in the dark and I could not stand the Sun and I despised the day. I, like the Vampire, needed my blood, the drug to silence the wolves inside.

Divided I was, torn inside, an Angel and Demon fought their Battle, for never did I totally surrender, to a dark and rebellious force, but never did I give in to a light and giving love. Standing with one leg on each side I never did commit, and Truth had to come in a very strong way.

Now, older, yet still a child, I receive back my lonely days. I live the Manifestation of a sick and ignorant mind, and I walk through the isolation of a desperate soul screaming to connect and participate in the World.

Hope is ahead. I am re-minding my mind to remind itself of who I AM and that such silly desires to exclude myself of a World and Civilization is nothing but destructiveness and childish ideas. I welcome my Childhood, as it lives in each of us, burning to break free and rediscover itself beyond a child's ignorant mind. I begin to see with the Eyes of Spirit and I re-embrace it all in the Name of Freedom and Mastery.

Healing. Liberating. Mastery. Responsibility. A New Chance and New Beginning.

Adonai!...
Inspired by present childhood feelings and thoughts...
The Unbeliever Aug 2014
Mother dearest, you taught me
See the future, and believe I can't
Know all too much and crush it out
All the little things I wanted; dreams
Deny my happiness and drive it out

If it's beautifully special
I'll find one thing
Break that moment
**** the well
Force it down
Resentment
Swells

Lash out at others
Any independent hope
Find it's problems
Make them mountains
A journey too dangerous to take

My mind races, a broken thing
I just want happiness
And then to put it out
My lovers scattered
To the wind

I can't deal with change
Chances, forlorn now
I can see them here
But cannot take that step
Lovers arms made a cage
Prisons, impenetrable
Bars too thick to break

Mother you broke me
Made me slaved
Never to be released
Never unchained
Soiled, wasted and unclean

No one should want me
Not this broken shell
Who sees the future I want so well
I'll take the chance bury it deep
Defeat my hopes now
Your perfect daughter
Now without your help

I'm stubborn and deep
Wounded in sleep
Put down bleeding
Cuts inside all seeping out
I bleed from ears, eyes and mouth

I knew he wanted me
Loved me so well
Somehow I turned that
Warped it, created a hell
You took warm arms
The safest place
And slapped my face

It's so terrible
To see a path
Happiness ahead
At long last

But then I'm programmed
My attention can't last
I see myself falling, unwanted
Death, destruction and forgotten

He loved me so
With long glances
Looking to my eyes
Seeing past defenses
It was too much
Scary and defiled
To realize it was special

To be laid open
Made me feel gutted like a fish
To feel so loved, like the one
I took it apart
Broken puzzle parts

Twisted his love
Found hate in parts
Blew it up and made
Cracks, created earthquakes
Lightning, fires and strife
It was all defied, his love
I would not permit

It smashed my reality
Saw myself unfit
My walls were invisible
Defenses cast aside
His glance saw through

Opened me inside
I resented this intrusion
This building down
Who was he?
To see nothing invisible

Now I look back
See mother's hard hand
Manipulation's a tool
Taught to survive
For a child that cries
To always come home
To mothers vile and high

I can't see the future
My relationships fall
To myself, I'm broken
All resentment, emotional
Anxiety, puking lies

Subconsciously
I know, see the future just clear
That's why my choices
All bring chains and tears
I just can't admit
Allow happiness to seed
Life watered and well

I break everything so well
Sabotaged so my loneliness
Is true; only pain, I know
My mother is far, live but unheard
Out of my life, her destructiveness gone
It's all remnants of living
Programmed below
Her voice is still there
Shrill, controlling, gripping
Teaching me all I needed so well
Now alone, I'm leashed
Her choices my own

I'll make them without thinking
Forgetting what I have known
It's sabotaging relationships
Building upon lies
Those to myself,
I needed to survive
Breaking promises of hope

I'll come complete
Force my infections on love
It's a test, lesson for all
A flame of my hell
To put lovers through
And to force friends away

I'll foster the evil, become someone else
I can feel it seeping, building cracks
Breaking promises to myself
Of what not to become
Lashing out at others
Letting them take blame
My responsibilities to them
Only allowing them my shame

I'll give them the pieces
Only what they deserve
If they asked for my pain
Let them preserve
But when I see them look
Staring at me, all love in their eyes
I've been taught to hate it
It's beauty I don't deserve

It's patterns in my life
Things I thought secret
Hidden reserved
True love opens all that
Makes them unreadable
Hurting their perfect reserve
Isolating me, forcing retreat
I just want to hide, run, find peace

It's the demons she gave me
They can't stand the sight
When love looks at me
They cower and fight
Why can't this be easy
Too many years in the making
I feel so betrayed
My mother's hands made me

He looks at me so easily
Sometimes I make him betray me
Force his word against him
Even his I love you
Now brings apathy
I confuse his love with hatred
My mirror, she sees me
Please don't be me

Heed me, sweet souls
Ignore instinct, find peace with your past
There is no worse pain than knowing
Seeing defenses laid bare
The pain and the suffering
He knows he can repair
But being forced to a distance
Because of mother's past glare

Go to him, take the chance
Show me it's true
My advice I can take
Love is more powerful
Than the demons embrace
For a new friend, who might be my sister, tortured in the cell next to mine; please don't be me.
augustine Jul 2013
I find beauty in the wrong things.
But at least i can find beauty in something.
I find it in cigarettes.
In destructiveness.
In boys with fiery lips.
And serpent tongues.
Especially in ***.
But at least i'm having fun,
even if it's in the wrong things.
God i love to sin.
Minda Whiteley Oct 2017
I am a spoon
in a cathedral
extravagantly decorated
yet, internally empty

in the echoes of the hymns
I exist, a manifestation
of dreams conquered
by divine intervention

a minuscule cloud
in a land-bound hurricane
growing in voracity paired
with destructiveness

my God is a razor blade
blood my only hope
of absolution
the last moments of sanity

hope fades
faith and violence inseparable
eternitys mates annually ovulating
giving birth to consciousness

awareness a sword
decimating free will
at the end of the day, it remains
we are no more than a rat in an electrified maze
Chelsey Lynn Jan 2015
She sits in the back and never says a word,
Her voice is something that's been left unheard.
She chews her nails in a comforting nervousness,
Keeping her calm in this destructiveness.
When people see her coming they turn the other way,
Never knowing just what to say.
They don't know the story behind the beautiful brown eyes,
How almost every night to fall asleep she cries.
They don't know that her dad doesn't make an effort to contact her,
The fact that who she is she's unsure.
They don't know that all she really want's is a friend,
That she wishes the pain would just end.
They don't seem to care that she comes to school eyes red,
The question of "are you okay" seems to go unsaid.
She thinks life is unfair,
And yet, no one seems to care.

This was me in highschool...
Kewayne Wadley Mar 2019
When it came to her
I had a slender grasp
Though unintentional.
When I think about it.
Deep down it was I rearing
a lack of confidence.
Living up our anonymous
expectation.
Though she was around
My arms would always cross up.
I was righteously liberated.
The perfect punctuation
of how I'd run on mentally,
Constantly around & around.
I wasn't embarrassed.
Revealing which part of her made me tick.
I can tell she didn't expect my answer
But with such a slender grasp,
every second spent with her made me tick.
At least for a little while
Perhaps the most un-thought thought.
Where do we place the batteries when they run out
Or will my arms be crossed up forever
Constantly around & around.
I find that time- such a strange & unusual thing.
Brings focus to things outside of all the crazy
ways arms move.
All in a beautiful destructiveness I can't describe.
Itunu May 2022
Shapeless love.

Can I call it love?

My parents co-exist.
My parents are strangers in a legal contract and they are destroying me slowly.

I am burning up, I am burning out trying to stay afloat
I am trying to hold onto a hope that is not them.

Bound merely by chance and children, in a loose hapless form.

Why won't she leave?

Mum, neglect is abuse too.

Mum, manipulation is abuse too.

Open your eyes, I want to scream to her.  I want to pry and hold her eyes open till they begin to tear up from the wind of his destructiveness.

Mum, please put your first.

She has given till she has no more, and he's taken till he has no satisfaction.
I am hurting. For my mum, for myself.
sophie Aug 2021
i am the toxins
melting into my brain.
i am drunk, i am midnight, i am destructiveness.
i want to be better,
not because you told me to,
but because i'm still melted in the melancholy
seeping out of my flesh
and dripping in between my fingers.
i want to be better
because the crushed up powder
still lingers on my hands
like fingerprints at a crime scene,
and it's slipping through the cracks in my skin.
i want to be clean and kind,
i want to be carnival lights and sweetness.
i want you to see me sober again
and i want you to know that i'm sorry.
three weeks sober
victoria Oct 2017
Ladies and gentlemen,

That person that didn't want you, love you, pick you for their love, for their life. For what ever reason.
That person doesn't deserve you.

Those texts you send when you shouldn't, but you're drunk and your boundaries have slipped.
They are not the real you.
The strong you.
Don't send them.

Looking at photos of their new love. The one that they picked instead of you.
That's not going to help you.

Those poems you wrote them. Stop!
Save your beautiful words. Don't waste them on someone who reads them but doesn't feel them.

Don't feed someone's ego, and destroy your self respect in the process.

That ocean of tears you cried, over someone that wouldn't even catch one tear for you.
No more.
Save your tears for those who deserve your love.

This self destructiveness, isn't you!
This never has been you.
Miss guided passion.
The drinking, the texts the phone calls.
The modern day problems of blocking and unblocking of numbers and Facebook profiles.

This isn't life. This isn't living.

This is wasting precious time.

I know it's hard. I know your heart is heavy with the cracks it now must endure.
But time can stitch over the cracks and pull the pieces of your heart back together.
Trust me. I've done it.

Surround yourself with your own love.

Hibernate, metamorphose, lick your wounds.
Heal yourself.
Take as long as you need.

It's not easy for us sensitive souls. But it can be done. Overcome.

Learn, be brave.
Then Love again.

— The End —