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elaine May 2018
Did you really mean those lovely things you told me?
or were you just  that experienced with the ways of a women’s heart you could just easily walk in its doors and shatter it,
all while leaving her spellbound?
Did you know you create hurricanes inside me, leaving my world trapped and unprepared for a storm that would never go away?

Did you know that I fell in love with you moments after meeting you?
Or even that I haven’t stopped?

I wonder about you,
how you will be,
I wonder how your day was and if your alright.
or if she will treat you right.
Or even if you will hold her tight and protect her,
hold your promises true,
and make her the happiest she’s ever been.
Or will you do what you do best,
and create fires everywhere you go,
soon destroying everyone just like you destroyed me.
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2016
Go ahead...
Hit me.

There's nothing
You can do to me
That will hurt me
More than I hurt myself
Iska Dec 2018
Dilated pupils,
crazed grins and white lies.
Don’t you see the chaos writhing beneath my skin?
Ragged breathing shivering spines the delusion that I am alive.
Screaming nerves hysterical laugh can’t you see it will out last
all that I am.
An uphill battle where I’m destined to die.
A whirlwind that rages within as I yank out my hair and peel back my skin.
Masochistic they say.
Delirious on pain.
Rolled eyes biting tongues
I wonder why the world demands I live life perfect and clean,
when all I want to do is make such a delicious mess.
Your life is too much you say?
Your trying to catch your breath?
I don’t want my life at all, when was the last time I even took a breath?
I can’t recall.
All I know is this compulsive urge.
Raw.
Enticing.
Undeniable.
I want to break things.
To feel them collide and shatter beneath my finger tips.
I want to tear at the walls until my nails crack and my fingers bleed.
I want this whirlwind,
this storm
to rage until it consumes the entire world around me.
So deliciously self destructive.
I want to bite and snarl and tear into my skin, making such a lovely MESS of myself.  
To tear out my hair and lash out at everything.
I want to know how it feels to explode.
Such reckless desire.
I want to open myself up to find a reason, ANY reason to stay alive.
And do you want to know the scariest part of all?
I want to NOT find a reason.
Pure insanity,
I know.
I want to peel my skin back, layer by layer, to make such a glorious MESS of myself, only to find it all for naught.
You see, there is a beauty,
in setting the world ablaze,
in shattering the ground that I stand upon,
and watching among the flames as it crumpled and falls,
entombing me.
Such a blissful nonsensical whimsical desire.
Such delicious delirium.
To watch myself go up in flames.
To ruin myself so completely.
So absolutely.
To witness the reckless beauty in breaking the world.
Of relishing in the madness and destruction that matches the chaos in my head.
I think we all dance upon the razors edge.
Some just dance a tad more recklessly then others.
avalon Aug 2017
i look at all of these perilously perfect poems and i want to SCREAM
life, your life, mine is not a dream this is not a picturesque reality
please---can we try for a bit of authenticity? c'mon i mean
we all love roses and the sunset gleam but your life isn't
an oil painting (or a tv screen) so can somebody sit down
and write a few lines about the dull gray sky or how her eyes
looked less like a forest and more like a swamp (with flies)?
might add more to this one
Nesma Apr 2015
The constellation that speaks my name is the opening line of the zodiac.
I am an Egyptian golden ram, and in ancient Egypt, Aries was the indicator of the reborn sun; I’m a never-ending fresh beginning of a mass of fire.
I am a self destructive flame, constantly setting myself on fire, and you caught on it.
So forgive me, and then admit the truth that we both know; Flames are the ultimate spring of warmth and light
I was born at 11 am, on a Monday, on the third, of April, 1995. 12345
Empire Mar 6
i can't possibly be
                               the only one out there        g             h     
             chasing a       h     i
or two
or four...
and i don't often care
what it does to me
so i drink strong coffee
until my hands qquuaakkee
and twitch
tw
twitch
and that buzzzzzing starts
xo     a sweet     xo
<><><><><><><><><><buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz><><><><><><><><>
to s    p       r          e                 a                         d
from my chest
a loud
hard
THUMP THUMP
THUMP THUMP
THUMP THUMP
of my pulse
i think
thinking
wondering
dreaming
crying
screaming
while i lay in bed
>>> WIDE AWAKE <<<
i dwell in all my pain
ripping my wounds
tearing them open
until they scab over
so i can try again
again
again
AGAIN
i.                   just.             love.         things.
that make me FEEL...
anything
at all
no matter
the
c      
     o
           st
M Salinger Jul 2018
A moment.

A line between
empowered
& defiant

holding within in it
the tenderness of our gaze

The night calls me
sometimes
tauntingly,
while sleep escapes,
sometimes
earnestly
to show me the truth
that day
hides

it calls deep within
my being,
like you

it resonates with
my darkness,
like you

Will you stay with me,
for a moment

of real honesty
& if you want,
silence

The valley of space there,
& between us
pulling me in,
like you

a moment of freefall
& endless endings
ours,
there to be
chosen

where we find
a way
to be suspended
in the
warmth between
you & I

I stand
on the sharpest edge,
below, the water surges
over the rock face
deep teal and chilling
a reminder that
beautiful
can also be
destructive

like you.

In awe and wonder
I'm trapped
in these
moments.
Inspired by the great beauty of British Columbia and how it's grandeur and imposing nature can be reminiscent of imperfect love
Today I reached for you
With a kind of virtue
And sincerity pressed behind
the design on my lips
Little realizing I was still reviling
Within my current remiss

I went and sinned again darlin'...

There's little to do for recompense,
and so cordially I professed to you
all of my candid truths
With every intent
To avoid becoming uncouth
and elusive

Because... I do miss you
And I suppose I well knew...
That you don't feel the same
I could feel it the instant you responded
Not the least bit concerned
Which was well deserved
Leaving me completely despondent

I need you to remind me
Just how lost my heart has become
And what that has cost anyone
Trying to reach for me
When I become undone

Somewhere in between
the real desire to reignite whatever fire
had transpired between us
With a new flame
Lay my hidden ulterior motive

Even I believed we would achieve
Something constructive
Yet my devious mind
Deceived even myself
To harness this abject,
self-destructive desire

Call me by my real names:
Heartless.
Narcissist.
Liar.
Coward.
Creep.
Thi­ef of catharsis.

Remind me of the same feeling
Delivered in your own unique way
Because I can't stand
To let myself ever forget again
This pain in my chest
Is everything that remains
It's all I have left
Remind me.
Carter Ginter Mar 2018
I feel like I should write
Though I'm not quite sure what to say
It seems like I feel everything so intensely
Until I try to capture it and it's gone

Words don't seem to work well these days
I'm really not even sure how I'm doing
I feel ready to have a successful week
Yet I also feel heavily disconnected from you

Maybe I am finally accepting my feelings for another
Allowing myself to explore the potential new flame
Maybe I felt held back by your distaste towards her
I realize now that it heavily tints my interactions with her

But it's not about her
And It's not about you
It's honestly about me
And the way I've been living

I have been so consumed by
Our love and all of this polyam drama
That I'm forgetting to live as an actual human
Forgetting that I exist without you too

I know it heavily affects you and
Stresses you out far more than I
So maybe this distance is for you too
Then again, you asked me not to pull away

What else can I do though
When you're consumed by another
And I feel empty and alone too often?
These feelings have led my life far too long already

So I'm stepping up my focus
I am working more on myself again
Because if somehow things get rough
I need to have someone to fall back on

For the first time ever
I've found the healthiest opportunity
The most reliable choice I should've made sooner
And it's me

I am my own foundation
My world exists through my own perception
So in the likely event of some sort of chaos
I am finally ready to catch myself

I will be ok regardless of circumstance
And that's extremely liberating
Empire Mar 7
Is it-
Is it self destructive
To look for ways
To take advantage of oneself?
To seek out pleasure
But only if it means pain?
Perhaps it's a coincidence,
But I always seem to
Be looking for
New ways
To hurt
Myself
In
Secret
Nathan Cross Dec 2014
Self destructive habits,
I'm broken, but I manage,
to destroy every foundation,
before it ever happens.

**-N.C.
Heidi Shavill Jan 2013
Small and insignificant...
Inferior.
Insecure and shameful...
Clumsy.
Weak and sad...
Molested.
Unremarkable and transparent...
Mundane.
Unlovable and ****...
Hated.
Remedial and simple...
Stupid.
Angry and jealous...
Loathsome.
Lovesick and lonely...
Desperate.
Sick and Tired...
Old.
Unstable and self-destructive...
Insane.
Vulnerable and trusting...
Suicidal.
Hopes and dreams...
Deteriorating.
Smiling and Laughter...
Remedy.

Heidi Shavill
2008
MeanAileen Mar 2017
I am warmhearted and icy cold,
with a pretty face that's getting old.
I am fragile yet tough as a man,
struggle thru life with no real plan.
I am petite and cuss like a trucker,
slightly naive, but I'm no sucker.
I am a sinner with a halo of gold,
an open book with secrets untold.
I am a hypocrite but always play fair,
a bleeding heart and I don't care.
I am a mother who acts like a child,
crazy, impatient and easily riled.
I am spontaneous and I am a bore,
forever forgiving, I still keep score.
I am unstable and wonderfully wise,
a ****** deviant in sweet disguise.
I am creative and self-destructive
naturally skilled and unproductive.
I am shy and I am outspoken
with a heart of glass, easily broken.
I am awkward and well refined,
lost, insightful and a little love-blind.
I am respected and I am addicted
shamed by burdens, self inflicted.
I am a perfectionist and I am a slob,
unbiased and shallow, an inept snob.
I am nocturnal, a creature of night,
blissfully ignorant, typically right.
I am cautious and I have no fear,
a loser and quitter, still I persevere.
I am brilliant and easily amused,
over-zealous and under-enthused.
I am impervious with wounds to heal,
a habitual liar just keepin' it real.
I am witty and weird and mean-
I am what I am.......100 Aileen.
A lil bit about who I am...
ATL Aug 7
a coincidence of opposites that ends
in negation, creating a silence
born to be punctured by thoughts of “can” or “cannot”-
dusting off the in-between
to find a beautifully dubious fiction,
an etching of a chance
so sprightly and so small...

linking possession and dispossession
there is acquisition
a place which houses a spectrum;
to know one half more than the whole
is much like feeling past inside of present-
each part, fractured
in its imperfect symmetry,
convalesces to form a mosaic;

a kaleidoscopic structure
built inside the paradox  
of what is everything in you
and nothing at all,
a monument for the in-between.
Empire Jul 1
Would you.... would you just....
Slide a delicate blade
Into my soft flesh
Then twist it slowly
It would hurt... wouldn’t it?
Please...?
Would you?
For me?
Because I’m not feeling well
And I can’t release it right now
So it’s festering, enlarging
The urge is so powerful...
I’d like it to hurt...
Not too bad...
Just enough...
sara Jul 2018
I wipe marker off the board, and
I have a painful tendency of quickly growing bored.
I can't erase the ink-spots lingering
in high-up corners;
to spare the self-defeat, I teach myself how to ignore them.

Ignore the marks, and stains, and pains
pretend I'm wiped clean, all the same
with little left to lose or gain:
I leave them; growth is self-restraint.

Perfection is a non-existent notion,
so they say;
yet, unobtainability is all I can create.
For in my mind, these false ideals make tame desires stray,
and self-destructive pleasure is my antidote to pain.

I think I'm like a little plant
of stunted growth, just seeds to start,
my plantpot made from breaking hearts:
before I grow, I say I can't.
Before we accept something we must first wholeheartedly reject it.
/////
like England winning the world cup lol

////
Joking, I just use humor to mask my emotions x
I've started hitting the brakes
When I come to green lights
Even the things that seem certain
I hesitate to trust
I slam on the gas
When the light turns red
I've always been self-destructive
So what's one more ticket
I'll add it to the pile
Of problems to ignore
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