Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Patrick Austin Sep 2018
Our Backgrounds before we met...

I'm an only child born in Montana in 1983, from a divided home. Parents divorced at seven, Mom was unstable and unfaithful. Dad obtained custody of me and we moved to Oregon Coast to live with my Grandma. I had unhealthy visits and relationship with Mom thereafter. My Grandma died at 12 and at 13 my Dad remarried an alcoholic woman, I had a strained relationship with them until adulthood when she stopped drinking. I had exposure to trauma; alcoholism, mental illness, verbal abuse and juvenile troubles. I rebelled by using drugs in my late teens and early twenties, I lived on my own for a few years after high school but had little direction.

My bride is the eldest with two little brothers, parents stayed in same area of Portland during childhood with lots of family support and her parents stayed married. They had Christian values but some anger and anxiety issues at home. She was sexually assaulted at 17 and never had good closure with this. She told me her parents didn't provide her enough help with things like this growing up. Status quo was the backbone of the family dynamic, challenging emotions were discouraged. She rebelled by being reckless with herself, financially and sexually. She decided to join the Navy at 19. She lived alone briefly, but mostly with Grandparents & Parents before our marriage.

I loved how we both grew up reading Archie comics. No other girl I had ever met had that in common with me. I think we wanted a surreal life like the one in Riverdale.

2002

She and I were 19 when we first met in my home town on the coast at an arcade. We became friends and secretly liked each other. I was too nervous to ever make a move on her. We traveled together, she stayed with me, we used drugs together and drank at times. One night she drank too much and had *** with a guy I knew at a party. I was devastated by this. She was Navy bound and I didn't see a real future for us. The next morning she left and I didn't talk to her again for two years. I figured she would be gone with the Navy soon and that she must not have been interested in a relationship with me despite the time we spent together.

2003

I was depressed about this rejection. I dated an older woman who was interested in me but was no substitute. I eventually moved to the Portland area to work and live. I still had few plans and was lonely, in or out of the few brief relationships I attempted. I never found someone that I felt safe with or had a true connection, let alone true love. She ended up not following through with the Navy and continued working her way up in her job at the call center. She attended community college and dated a few guys. She dated one guy for a couple of years who was not a good match for her but stayed with him off and on despite issues. His family was wealthy and treated her well. He slept around on her as did she. At one point he gave her an STD. She also had an ongoing affair with a married man in the military that she went to high school with. He had a child and a wife with mental health issues. She was still hurting a lot at times and not always doing well.

2004

She reached out to me via email after two years of no contact. We emailed back and forth a couple times over the next few months. We talked about meeting up. We spoke on the phone and eventually met up in Portland. We had an amazing night getting to know each other again and work past the confusion of our earlier days of friendship. I realized that she did in fact like me before but since I was timid and trying to be proper and take things slowly she didn't understand my motives. She apologized for her actions at the party as well. She claimed she was in a really messed up place and was making bad choices at that time. Getting our feelings out in the open was good and she appreciated my attitude towards being slow to make moves on her when we first met. I was worried about falling for her based on our history but eventually I was determined to give it a shot. We soon after starting dating and being intimate. Our love was extremely powerful and beyond all others we had both experienced. She broke ties with other suitors and shortly after we talked about marriage and started planning a wedding for the next year.

I remember when we first held hands. We were so shakey and she was quivering on my couch as I had my arm around her. We felt so safe with each other. We could finally be ourselves and do what our hearts desired. We knew we were on to something new and so amazing. We were so patient with each other as we navigated our new love and emotional thresholds.

I remember when we saw Matisyahu in concert together. That was a once in a lifetime experience and a life-changing moment for us. I feel it set the tone for things to come in our future.

I remember how creative my proposal to her was, in the Arcade where we first met. I hid the ring in a prize container from one of those claw machines. Pretending I got the ring from inside by reaching into the machine on one knee I was so nervous and wasn't sure if I could pull it off before she caught on. She looked so shocked and surprised. I was so excited she said yes! We took pictures in the photo machine and had burgers afterwards, I'd do all of it all over again just to see her face in that moment.

2005

We found an apartment for us in Portland. I moved in while she was still living back with her parents until the wedding. She had to change her number because the married man she was previously involved with kept calling her about changing her mind about marriage and continuing their relationship. She was offered a job in Denver and we decided to move away together after our sandy wedding in Cannon Beach. I still had a very hard time and was embarrassed with my past history with her. Many of my friends knew what had happened at 19 and how much it hurt me but I was so crazy about her I think I tried to pretend it didn't happen or that it was not a big deal because we were younger. We got married and moved to Colorado soon after. We made friends at a church, I became more active as a Christian and really loved being married. We were very involved in keeping spirituality in our marriage. I began to notice her poor financial decisions and practices more. This caused conflict but we always tried to communicate and work on things.

I remember when we went down to my folks for New Year's in 2005. We sipped tea in my Datsun as we drove to the coast over the snowy mountain pass. We told them of our engagement. We were all so blissful and excited. We never knew what was to come. We didn't even know about the opportunity in Denver yet. Our story is amazing!

I remember when I wanted to go see her in Portland and the roads were iced over. I left my car at a park and ride before I caused a wreck. I took the light rail across town then rode a bus to the Eastside shopping mall. The bus to her house was not running because it wasn't safe so I walked the rest of the 4 Miles sometimes having to crawl on my hands and knees to make it up hills in the ice and then I finally made it only to just spend a couple hours with her and fall asleep on her parents couch. Her Dad drove us back the next morning to my car so I could get to work. It was all worth it just to see her for that little extra time. I would have done anything for her.

I remember when she was interviewing for the new position in Denver? I drove all over Portland trying to find little toy cars to help with her illustration about how a team is like a car having all four wheels and how they work together to accomplish a goal. I was so proud of her for giving it her all and succeeding at earning that position. Now that I think of it, that car analogy applies to our family and us. We all need each other to be better and keep on track and be a team. I am so motivated by that and our boys. I lose my way without that and I want to be her reflection and motivation as she has been that for me. I truly thought we brought out the best in each other when we were together.

I remember when we were given tickets to see Fiona Apple. That was so spontaneous and a great way to kick off our time in Denver together. We always used to watch our same movies over and over again. Like the Friends DVDs and White Christmas every winter break and The Wedding Singer. We walked everywhere and lived simply. "I wanna be the guy, who grows old with you"

I remember in our first Denver apartment when we took baths together in our claw foot tub in the big bathroom. We put a board over the top and played cards. I liked playing Uno with her in bed too. She was so funny being slightly color blind and in the dark, mixing up the greens and blues. We played Uno in Breckenridge too at that cool bed and breakfast in the fall.

2006

We had continued fun and adventure in our new home of Denver. She was doing well as a trainer for the bank and I started working in health foods. We went camping in New Mexico a couple times with friends and we both took individual trips to Oregon as well as one together for her uncle's wedding. We had marital spats on occasion but always bounced back. The issues we had seemed like part of a normal marriage and were far better than what I had grown up around. I realized that marriage was a lot of work but I was up for the task. She occasionally became aggressive throwing things at me or breaking things during conflict.  I believed I was the problem and tried to change for her in many ways. With two incomes we still had trouble making our bills at times. She had debts that I never knew about that started to catch up with us but I took care of getting them settled and we paid off her car and traded it for an older Volvo Wagon that we both loved, I even had it repainted her favorite color for a birthday gift. Overall things seemed like they were progressing in a positive way.

I remember when we saw Midnight in concert in Boulder. That was the peak of our hippy days. We were alive with pleasure in our healthy vegetarian diets and practices living in a time and place like no other. I want to be like that again. Reggae was our music. We had much in common.

2007

We really fell into our roles in our marriage and the community; church and culture, friends etc. Things seemed very balanced and appropriate for us at that time and that age (24-25). We had separate bank accounts and jobs. I had money in savings. We started the process of buying a house so we could invest in something. She became pregnant shortly after. I embraced the challenge with positive energy but we were both in for a big change. We started having more fights. I didn't have many friends and would write to old friends via social media just so I could to catch up and tell them things were going great with being married to make myself feel better than I actually did. She hated the dawn of social media and also felt isolated I'm sure. She felt I should be doing more for her and I didn't know how to do what she needed but I failed to ask a lot of the time. After one argument, she left the house. My instinct told me to look at ******* and ******* as a retaliation. I had not done this much once we were married because she always met my needs but when things were difficult between us I felt more emotionally isolated. She walked in and realized what I had been doing. She was very upset, and because she was pregnant, thought I was not attracted to her. The truth is I found her even more beautiful and in fact when I looked at ******* I tried to look at women I found less attractive than her so that I feel good about what I have. I mostly fantasized about how these women were more submissive and loving than her. That is the part I needed to feel good about and feel better about myself with because I felt very dominated and controlled. She has never forgiven me for this and I will never stop feeling sorry to her for my brokenness. During one particular argument that year she was getting close to being violent towards me again and I pushed her away on the chest with my fingertips. She got very mad and said I hurt her. I immediately felt terrible and apologized. I never let something like that happen again. I have always avoided violence towards others especially women and of course her. I was defenseless against physical and emotional abuse.

2008

Our eldest son was born at the beginning of the year, it was a traumatic birth for everyone. We wanted a natural birth with a midwife but we were transferred to a hospital and she ended up having an emergency C-section, nothing went as planned. We had a really hard time coping with the emotions of this experience. A lot of buried feelings and trauma from both of us started coming out. We moved a month later into our new home outside of town. No more walking or biking to places, we had to drive everywhere. This house was next to our friends from church. We thought this would make us feel less isolated but we didn’t really have the community with them that we had hoped for. They were upset that they didn't have a child of their own yet and being around us might have been hard for them. My wife stopped working and stayed home with our son. All these changes made for a very difficult time. I did my best to support them but this was the first time we shared a bank account and needed to follow a budget more than ever before. We had no debt at the beginning of the year with money in savings but then the hospital bills put us down about $7,000 and rising with new home and moving expenses and baby needs. My job could barely keep up. She and I had a hard time adjusting. We could not afford to travel home to Oregon and visit family as much and we felt more and more isolated. She started showing me more signs of instability, locking herself in the bathroom with kitchen knives and scraping her legs which continued off and on for years to come. Talks of divorce and suicide threats seemed to happen more than before. I felt responsible and tried to fix her ever changing issues with me.

I remember when herr ******* were full and swollen with milk. It is so beautiful the way she could feed our babies. I wanted her in every way, our bodies belonged to each other. I was there for her and our shared pleasure. I loved it when she told me that she was mine in the heat of passion. This spark could only be a bandage for so long but I didn't know that yet.

2009

I tried to promote within my company but was not selected, they were cutting budgets and employment all around me. I felt worried about our future. I had always thought the military might be a good opportunity and could move us closer to family back home. My father-in-law encouraged me to look into the Coast Guard. I felt this would be a good way to get moved closer to Oregon.  I ended up joining the Navy because we found out we were pregnant again with our second son and that was the only way I could join a military branch. She worked off and on as a nanny and later in the year at a coffee house working nights. We barely spent time together and when we did it was a lot of hard conversations or arguments about finances with making up intimately in the middle of the night between times of caring for the baby. She once scratched my neck with her fingernails during an argument. People I worked with noticed. It was a hard time and we knew change was on the horizon with jobs and moving. We did visit Oregon that summer though and had a great vacation at the beach with a borrowed 4x4 and staying at a hotel and picnicking out of a cooler as well as going to her brothers wedding. I was 26 and about to join the Navy to provide better for my family at all costs sacrificing myself for their benefit because I would have rather died than look like I didn't try my best for them.

I remember when our babies would kick and move around inside her belly. I loved laying by her and feeling her tummy. I would hum to the baby and hear them move and squirm. I loved giving our boys baths when they were babies too. We had our little bundles of our love, wrapped in a towel in our hands, so tiny and vulnerable. I miss those days and want to remember them with her, aside from this state of melancholy.

2010

The Navy recruiters would only take me if we rented out our home and had her stay with family during boot camp and training. We moved to a furnished apartment in Denver and put our things in storage. She was 5 months pregnant and our eldest was two. I shortly after was let go from my job. Our second son was born in April. I got a contract with the Navy at the last minute but didn't leave until August. We sold our beloved vehicles and lived off retirement funds for six months and moved down to Florida where her parents had just moved out of the blue for work, to stay with them until I left for boot camp. I applied for temporary work in Florida at a dozen places but had no luck in my three months there. I took care of our eldest a lot while she took care of the new baby. Being in Florida was a culture shock for us but we had our moments of romance and made the best of it. Eventually I left for boot camp in August. It was really hard and sad to be gone. She stayed in Florida and came to visit me with the baby at boot camp graduation in October. I then went to Connecticut for five months of training. It was also hard but at least I could call home every day and be in the same time zone. I visited Florida during the winter break and saw my boys and her. We went to Disney world and had a great time on her parents. We also made a romantic home movie I could enjoy while away from her. I flew back to Connecticut and tried to make the best of things. My roommate was very abusive of substances and I resisted the temptation for a long time but the threat of being submarine service bound and missing my family pushed me to drinking every weekend and getting messed up to escape before I left.

I remember when we drove to Key Largo, Florida and stopped at a crazy bird wildlife center. I remember our oldest was so amazed hearing a bird say hello back to us. It was so foreign and fun there. I am glad we all shared that experience together.

I remember our trip to the citrus grove in Florida. That was such a great day for our family. I always look back on that with really fond sentiment. I felt like I was in a beautiful family music video with them.

2011

I finished Submarine Training and got orders back to the Northwest. The plan was all coming together. I arrived first and bought a car and got our items moved from storage in Denver to our townhouse rental in Washington. She and the boys joined me a month later. I didn't report to my Sub for another month as they were at sea. She became pregnant again with our third son right after arriving. We had just bought a small car and were not planning on another child. Towards the end of the year I was working a lot and having a really hard time, being bullied and treated poorly at work plus our financial situation was still very difficult. Adjusting to the military was hard among younger men being 28. I dreaded each day in that environment but I tried to endure it for my family. I went to sea for a couple months at the end of the year stopping in Hawaii and California. During this time She reached out to her ex married affair partner after six years of no contact. She didn't tell me until later. She said she needed closure with him, we were not in counseling yet but she decided this was appropriate. I flew home early from sea and wanted to surprise her. The stress and trauma of this quick transition home after being to sea for the first time (which was also traumatic) made me want to drink and get messed up before flying. I arrived home and surprised her but I seemed off to her which I was but didn’t explain why, I have never done that since. I got to be home for two months almost work free while we celebrated the holidays and prepared for the new baby to be born. She started getting more involved with a church and building a community for us which was great. Our financial struggles almost led us to foreclosure of our home back in Colorado but by the grace of God we got it sold with a short sale just in time.

I remember when I came back from Hawaii and brought her a beaded necklace and she wore it naked with her big beautiful pregnant goddess belly and we made passionate hippy love together. I want to grow out my beard again and spend my life making hippy love and feeling free again.

2012

Our third son was born in January. It was a very positive birth experience and much less stressful than the other two. Shortly after I flew out to finish the other half of the deployment I had missed. I really focused on being positive and spiritually connected by reading my Bible at sea which was helpful. I called her when I arrived in Japan halfway through being gone. She was upset because she tested positive for an STD while trying to get on birth control. I became suspicious of her yet she was suspicious of me. We both got tested again and I was clean, she told me she had a false positive after all. This put a big strain on our trust, especially being so far away. This forced us to be honest with each other about some things such as her contact with her ex lover and my drinking to cope. We were both very upset until I returned home and we could start some counseling to work through things. Forgiveness seemed to be difficult for us. It brought up hurts of the past when we were 19. She also had severe postpartum depression that became worse after each birth. I was still having a hard time with work and the submarine environment. Our church friends tried to counsel us but it was not the most helpful. My submarine was scheduled for extended repairs and not going to sea for three years, I would be transferred before the end of that period. I used this time to bond with her and my boys. I wanted to get better involved in our community and do volunteer work and side jobs to earn extra money. Our boys were all given diagnosis's for autism which begun to fill our lives with appointments and challenges for years to come but we were a good team in dealing with all of it. It gave us something to work together on but took our focus away from working on our own personal issues and relationship with each other as much as we should have.

2013

We had new years with both sides of our family in a snowy mountain setting in Oregon. It looked like it was going to be a great year until her Grandpa passed away suddenly. It ripped our entire family apart but especially her. He kept the family grounded and she was very close to him, he really loved all of us. She and I started going on dates again because we had Navy sponsored child care. It was the beginning of a really good thing for us. Tragically one night after a date we were dancing with the boys on the patio and I tried to pick her up and I lost my balance and fell on her, breaking her collar bone severely. She needed surgery and was very mad at me for years to come. She has a scar, a metal plate and numbness in her chest. We worked through it with our community from church but she still is very mad at me. I feel more terrible about this incident than she could ever know. I would lose a finger in place of that incident if I could. I continued having a really hard time in the Navy and I didn't want to stay in but She insisted our boys needed care only the Navy could offer. She also said she would divorce me if I ever left the Navy. I took this threat seriously even though she assured me later that she would never actually do that. Against my own convictions I reenlisted because I wanted to do the best thing for my family. We moved into base housing at the end of summer and didn’t go out to do things as much anymore. The house was nice but it ****** us in, we also had less community with people around our home. I started volunteering at church more and doing work with special needs people. I felt like I was doing good things and that I had purpose all around. I think she appreciated this about me.

2014

We started seeing a professional counselor together and individually. It became a regular event. I worked on myself and she worked on herself. I had a lot of issues with my Mom and eventually broke off communication with her for my own well-being and the betterment of my family. I got past a lot of the bad feelings I had. She worked on her traumatic experiences and our relationship dynamics. Just when things were going well I got a new boss who made things hard for me and others at work and I started messing up more. I got in trouble for messing up a job at work and was given strike one on my record. She lost respect for me as a provider but I tried to stay strong showing her that I would continue to do my best.

I remember when we had an appointment in Tacoma and we had a brunch date together afterwards. She looked so beautiful that day, I took her picture and was so proud to enjoy  huevos rancheros and momosas with her. I remember going to the Tacoma Art Museum seeing the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit, we have a great time together doing new things and feeding each other's interests. I loved laughing with her too, sometimes we just bust up like nobody's around. I loved the sound of her laughter. I loved watching Portlandia with her, it is so funny to remember the funny place where we became close and be able to relate together.

2015

I kept working hard and being involved with family and appointments for my boys and her. I still maintained my volunteer work and part time side jobs. I got strike two with the Navy for messing up again... I had just gained orders to leave the sub for local shore duty. I could not get out of the extended repair situation soon enough. She was very disappointed in me and not so understanding. I worked through this situation with our counselor as did she. He always told her I am a good man and that I do a lot for her and the boys. It's true, I care more than anything about them, I made mistakes and I feel bad especially when I cause my family stress. I left for shore duty in April. It was a hard time adjusting to the new routine but eventually we seemed to make it work. That summer we took a trip to visit Texas where her parents had just moved from Florida. We spent a great night together for our 10th anniversary in a hotel in Texas and went dancing. We had a lot more time together as my work schedule was less. The more people we had in our home working with our kids on issues the less useful my input seemed. I was not included as much in making family decisions because they all seemed to happen while I was at work, despite my objections. We tried to get our budget under control but she still had anxiety discussing spending. She continued to struggle with depression and was put on medication because she had still been harming herself. She was put on Prozac daily and anti anxiety medication as needed. He family members were not very supportive of medication which upset her but I always tried to be supportive in seeking help and continued care for both of us.

2016

We had a busy routine of kids in school now and home school and preschool and appointments for all of us. She wanted to go to church less and less. I started drinking a couple beers at night almost every day. I tried to mask my stress from her mood swings. She decided not to go to church at all anymore and focused teaching the boys about Jewish traditions exclusively which was hard for me to adjust to and confusing for the boys. I loved her and wanted to be supportive. As usual I was submissive and removed myself from the Christian church and some friendships. I feel like we lost our community at that point. We searched for a good place to have a new community with Jewish people but it was like starting over. I felt like I converted to Christianity for her when we got together and now I had to convert again, either way I would have done it for her because I loved her that much. The kids were confused by this change. After trying and failing at many synagogues we finally found one that seemed right for us.

2017

We finally had some money in savings because I kept it a secret and ended up planning a trip to visit her parents in Texas but it fell through due to lack of military flights. Instead we spent three nights away in a nice hotel resort as a family in February. We had three days of pure family time. Playing Battleship and other games in our room as a family, watching movies and eating at all the different restaurants and getting room service. Going swimming everyday in the foggy pool. I love our family and how we can have a great time together doing nothing but at the same time so much. That was so peaceful and relaxing. I wanted to keep doing things like that together as a family before our boys got too old. Shortly after this vacation she wanted to go back to school, then we bought a third vehicle so she could. Shortly after this she changed her mind about school and wanted to buy another house instead. I went along with it to please her and we practically killed ourselves trying to get the move accomplished with not much help or money. We had a good year over all. We got away for a romantic anniversary together in the summer. Just before the boys were going to start public school in the fall, her parents moved back to the area. She had anxiety with this and cut off contact with her parents and brothers for a while. Her Dad called me very upset and I tried to keep the peace until they reconciled. I was doing better with work and made up for lost progress as well as making arrangements to change jobs in the Navy to something more fitting. Since the boys started public school, I planned on leaving for Navy training in my new position after the beginning of the new year when they would be at a more settled place in their routine.

I remember when we went to the Olympic Club for our anniversary and we stayed there for a night away. We drove the long way through the countryside talking about new music that she wanted to share with me and she made notes of it on my phone notepad. We brought our own cooler and picnic that included Session Lagers and chocolate. We checked in to our room and made noisy bohemian love on the edge of the creaky bed in our small European room inches from the door. Then we went to the theater downstairs and watched the late showing of a really interesting Sci-fi movie "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets". We took showers and slept sweetly together. We made love again in the morning before we had a delicious brunch outside on the patio. We took the long way home and drove around on new roads and found our way out of cell phone reception. We figured out the road less traveled to get back to our home. We loved being alone and away together, just one night can make such a difference and mean so much.

I remember going to the Forest Theater to see Tarzan with our boys. That was such a great time. I would love to get our boys into theater and go see them someday. I wanted to keep our dreams and goals together alive and not lose opportunity and fall short by losing our partnership.

I loved going camping in Seabeck. Loading the truck with all our gear and getting away. Archer got sick from the cowboy caviar and I had to clean him and the tent up in the night. I was glad we had each other to be a team in our marriage in that situation as with all the other times. These sorts of things are what escape a person's mind when they are determined to get a divorce.

2018

We had a lot less money than the year before, again buying a house took its toll on finances as did the boys school and after school activities. I stayed very involved taking the boys to appointments and sporting practices. We stopped going to synagogue but tried to practice Judaism at home as much as possible, which I was very supportive of and involved with. She was still depressed and talking about suicide at times. I encouraged her to get help as I always had. Eventually she was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 and manic depressive by a new provider. She started taking new medicine for this and was worried I would want to leave her. I assured her I would never leave her and that I always wanted to work on things with her and help her. I left for training in Mississippi February 8th. It was going to be hard but I thought it might be good to have some time apart from each other to miss one another and reflect on things as well as prepare for times when I would be away at sea. I got in trouble in Mississippi for giving junior personnel a ride and being negligent of people who might be underage and possibly drinking, this became strike three. I never thought this could happen. I became recommend for separation from the Navy shortly after and was stuck in Mississippi for six months instead of six weeks. She was supportive through most of it but seemed to fall into hopelessness. Money was spent by her that we didn't have without discussion. She quietly leased appliances and tires and purchased a vehicle as well as having a secret bank account and email address. I discovered through our insurance company that she wanted to leave our policy for divorce. I didn't know this and she had even told the boys she wanted a divorce before I even knew. I was caught off guard and confused. I kept trying to communicate and reason with her but she didn't want to talk. I refused to give up and wrote emails and a letter but it only seemed to push her away further. By the time I left Mississippi she had filed for divorce and a restraining order against me saying I was unstable and a threat. I couldn't return to my home. My whole life fell apart in just a couple months. I found out she had been talking to other men in the Navy and keeping more secrets. I assumed this was her way of taking control during a difficult situation. I really needed her support during this hard time of transition out of the military. I became homeless, jobless and without my family in a month. I prayed to God that given time things might change between us but it was of no use. Bipolar had consumed whatever was left of my bride and there was no turning back.

I felt that our love was not one to be cast away. Other people might not understand or agree but what we had was truly special. We may have surely needed some time and space to get counseling as well as reconfigure and repair our marriage but I didn't feel like our relationship was irretrievably broken. She was so important to me and I thought she was the love of my life and would always have my heart. I wanted to be her partner in love and life, watching our boys grow up and being there to support each other. Being that she is Bipolar I knew she will need a lot of help and I was more than willing to assist her in making sure she was taking care of herself and not throwing herself into harm's way, ensuring she sticks with a plan we agree to for consistency. I cared about her deeply and had much compassion for her. I didn't believe she was thinking this through or thinking about the future. I really wanted to look at the long and short game with her, neither seemed appealing to me if we progressed but here we are. Things are not going to be easier. She will still have to face her problems and deal with me on a regular basis for the rest of our lives no matter what happens. She can believe her lawyer when they promise she'll get the moon and stars out of this in the end but they only see half of the story. Above all they want our money. It would have been good for her to face me in person and tell me she wanted to divorce and we could have started talking about it with a counselor to figure out how that could even work. Instead she chose to avoid as much responsibility for her actions as possible by doing everything in my absence as if I am not a real person. I had to find out about it from our insurance company and was last to know.

Immediately after I hear the word divorce I looked into her cell usage history and find she has a new military boyfriend that she talks to 20-30 times a day. She felt she owed me no explanation for this and it was none of my business. A mature person would have let me know about this months before and I would have seen it coming but there was no sign until it was seemingly too late. She strayed down a dark path and never turned back.

Her proposed parenting plan was cruel and had no thought put into it. Two hours a week with supervision, no holidays but father's day? She said she’s not trying to keep me from the kids but this is the exact opposite of what she’s saying with the paperwork she filed. She seems very mixed up and still you continues to make rash and sudden choices. Like a completely bogus restraining order against me that contradicts so many facts she has stated herself on record during my Navy retention process. She was so bold as to want to change her identity and even put it in ink on the divorce paperwork as well to a whole new name. That is not the actions of a stable person. She has since changed her mind again on that just as quickly as everything else in her recent life choices. I can't trust that any decisions she is making right now are for the right reasons or that she is of sound mind. I have never seen her so conflicted and confused, grasping at straws and running scared from herself.

Using the legal system so carelessly and going back and forth makes me feel like she is not ready to be making big choices and changes for her and our family. It is very unfair that she can’t consider my feelings on things and what I wish for the boys as well. Very reckless behavior. She can’t anticipate that the day would come where she has to face me and talk to me like an adult. She wants to hide behind the legal system which only leaves much to be unresolved. Ghosting me is not really an option in a marriage of 13 years with children.

Having relationship conversations is too difficult for her at this time and she would rather avoid it and skip to divorce because she thinks that will somehow be easier. I suspect she knows she is making poor choices, possibly out of fear and lust for something new and less painful than the reality of things right now. Our marriage was nowhere close to divorce when I left. She was sad to see me leave and woke with me at 3:30 am to say goodbye, making me coffee and cookies for me to take with.

Our community and accountability seems to be gone due to the continued trend of isolation that she is drawn to. The God fearing loving committed wife I thought I had is gone or trapped inside a terrified shell of herself. She cut me off from her family members and I can't discuss my concerns about her with them either. She only seems to have community with those who are not going to discourage her from these destructive choices.

I understand we have had issues and struggles but we are no worse off than other couples during challenging times. I think that because we loved each other so much it just hurt more when things got hard. I can't accept or believe this is justified or the right choice based on the positive trend we were on before I left. This was the longest break we have ever had from each other and I think she just needed someone to be there more for her, no matter who it was. Time can heal all wounds and I hope that is true for our relationship as co-parents.

She still refuses to tell me about why she wanted a divorce or talk about anything beyond caring for the kids. I have fought the restraining and I can see my boys again but I am still not allowed to my home without her permission.

I have risen from the ashes in just a couple months. I rent a room from a nice couple from our old church and obtained a good paying job while I continue paying the household bills.

This is a really hard time, this difficult spell could have been a tool to better our relationship. I wanted to experience more beautiful memories with her. We had so many more beautiful memories and dreams left to create. This is what marriage looks like to me now as I lower the casket.
This is a timeline of the major events during my 13 year marriage. Amidst the reality, I injected all the lovely memories that refuse to leave my mind.
Julian Mar 4
Famigerate- to bring news from abroad
2. Opheliminy- the ability to provide ****** pleasure
3. Noogenesis-evolution of the mind
4. Nosocomial- pertaining to a hospital
5. Nullifidian- faithless
6. Neomort-braindead individual
7. Nummamorous- someone who is avaricious for money
8. Nemesism-self-directed frustration
9. Onanism- *******
10. Oculate- having eyes
11. Omniana- about all sorts of things
12. Narrowback- one who doesn’t engage in manual labor
13. Negaholic- persistently pessimistic
14. Faineant- puppet-king, useless ruler
15.Gerendum-something that is to be done
16.GIlderoy- a proud person
17.gobemouche- a gullible person
18. gradatim- step-by-step
19. gramercy-an expression of gratitude or surprise
20. grandeval-of venerable age but antiquated
21. gudgeon- a person easily cheated
22.fagin-someone who induces a crime
23. neovitalism-the theory that total material explanation is impossible
24. gamin- street urchin, imp
25. macarism- taking joy in anothers joys (antonym schadenfreude)
26. Kundlesroman- coming of age story about an artist
27.  macrobian- long-lived as in animated life
28. maidan-open space near a town
29.maeiutic-bringing out latent thoughts
30.mappemond-map of the world
31. mansuetude-meekness, milquetoast tamed
32.melomania-craze for music
33. meropia- partial blindness
34. mesothermic- only effective in temperate climates
35.metagnostic- incomprehensible, beyond understanding
36. metanoia- fundamental change in character (repentance)
37. metemperical- beyond the scope of knowledge
38. mewling- crying feebly
39.mirabiliary-miracle worker
40. misfeasance- doing a lawful act in an incorrect manner
41 motatory- consistently moving
42 mouchard- a police spy
43.muliebrity- womanhood
44. mulligrubs- a despondent or ill-tempered mood
45. myriarchy- government of 10,000 persons
46. mythoclast- destroyer of myths
47. mythopoeic-giving rise to myths
48. kamerad- to surrender
49. katzenjammer- hangover, uproar, clamorous environment
50. kenspeckel-easily recognizable or conspicuous
51.kerygma- teaching of the Christian gospel
52. kindergraph-picture of a child
53. kismet- fate or destiny
54. knubble- to beat with the fists
55. katabasis- military retreat in dire straits
56.facture-worksmanship the making of a product
57. familism- the tendency of a family to cohere as a group
58. farrago- confused mass of objects or people a disordered mixture
59. fastuous- haughty and ostentatious
60. ferial-pertaining to holidays
61. flapdoodle- gross flattery/nonsense
62. floruit- the dates of a persons birth and death
63. fluminous- having many rivers or streams
64. flummery- insipid lifeless gaucherie  of a compliment
65. fogram- antiquated
66. foothot-hastily immediately or on the spot imperative action
67. forswink- to exhaust by labor
68.fustian-garish magniloquence
69. futurition- future existence time to come
70.negotiosity- the preoccupation with business as a workaday trifle
71. nemorivagant-wandering through the woods
72. neoblastic- pertaining to new growth
73. nepotation- riotous behavior/ profligacy
74. nesiote-living on an island
75. nevus- birthmark
76. noctiflorous-flowering at night
77. noddypeak- fool imbecile
78. noetics- rules of logic
79. nomistic- based on a law of sacred books
80. nulliverse-purposeless universe
81. yenta-gossip or busybody
82. yobbery-hooliganism
83. yordim- emigrants who leave Israel
84.veduta- panoramic view of a town
85. velivolant- flying with sails
86.ventose- puffed up with conceit/windy/ flatulent
87.verecund-modest or shy
88.vespertilian-bat-like
89. vespiary- wasps nest
90. vesuviate- to burst with heat/ erupt
91. vetanda- forbidden things
92. vetust-very ancient
93.viaggiatory- traveling frequently
94. viaticum-money for travel
95. vibronic- caused by an electronic vibration
96. Victoria- cry of triumph
97. videndum- thing to be seen
98. videtur- it seems
99. viduity- widowhood
100.viparious-life-producing
101. virago- a manlike or heroic woman or a termagant
102. virason- sea breeze
103. virtu-love or taste for fine art
104. visagist- an expert in ****** makeup
105 visibilia- things that are seen
106 visiogenic-suitable for tv broadcast
107volable-nimble-witted
108volupty-****** pleasure
109 voraginous-like a whirlpool
110. vulgus- the common people
111. vulnerary- healing wounds
112.verberate- to beat
113. ommateum- the composite eye
114. omnism- belief in all religions

116. oxygeusia- extremely keen sense of taste
117. oread- mountain nymph
118. obganiate-to fluster someone by constantly repeating yourself
119. obelize-to treat something with contempt, scorn or regard as spurious
120. oppositive- garnering local support or disdain
121. odalisque- a female slave in a harem
122. orogenesis- mountain-building
123. orography- descriptions of mountains
124. omnify-to make known or universal everywhere
125. onolatry- the worship of donkeys, ***** or liberals
126. oikonisus-desire to start a family
127. obolary-very poor
128. obrogate-to alter the law by passing a new law
129. occamy-alloy imitating gold or silver oroide
130. olasin-of a long epoch or era
131. odontoloxia-crooked or abnormal teeth
132. oecist- the founder of a colony
133.oecodomic-pertaining to architecture
134.oeillade-an ogle, glance or wink
135.officialism-excessive devotion to station or position
136.oikonisus-desire to start a family
137.oleaginous-sycophantic
138.oligochrome-art using few colors
139.oligogenics-birth control
140.oleiferous-producing oil
141. ombrophilous-tolerating a large amount of rainfall
142. ommateum-compound eye
143.omnifarious-of all kinds
144.omnify-to make large or universal
145. omphalism- centralization in government
146.onomasticon- a dictionary of proper names
147. ontocyclic-to revert to an infantile state in older age
148.ontography-description of someones essence, form or being
149.ophidiodiarium-a house of snakes
150. ophidian-like a snake
151.opinable- capable of being thought
152.oppignorate-to pawn
153.optative-expressing a desire or wish
154.oragious-stormy
155.orarian-coastal, coast-dweller
156. organicism-conception of life or society as an organism
157. orthobiosis-correct or moral living
158.outrecuidance-overwhelming arrogance or self-esteem
159. oxyblepsia-extremely keen sight.
160. apolaustic- dedicated to the pursuit of enjoyment
161. azimuth-mark of the horizon
162.avizandum-private consideration of a case by a judge
163.aval-pertaining to a grandparent
164. auxesis-an aggrandizement permitted by hypertrophy with hyperbole an augmentation of meaning
165.autotelic- being an end in itself
166. autosoterism- belief one can obtain salvation through their own deeds and works and words
167. autology- a scientific study of oneself
168. aurigraphy-writing or engraving in gold; aureate magisterial wit
169. Atticism- elegance in expression that is also concise
170.atocia- female sterility
171. athetesis- rejection of a document as spurious and obelization
172. athanasy- deathlessness
173.assizer- someone in charge of demarcating weights and measures
174. aspergillum- a vessel for transporting and using holy water
175.aseity- self-origination
176. ascian- one inhabiting and equatorial zone/ someone without a shadow
177. arpenteur- a land surveyor
178.armipotent- having strong weapons in a war
179. armigerous-enabled to bear arms
180. aretaics- the science of virtue
181. arenoid/arenaceous- like sand
182.arctician- someone skilled with navigating the polar regions
183.archaeolatry- the worship of outmoded customs and ancient things
184. apistia-faithlessness in marriage
185. aphnology- the science of wealth
186. aphemia- loss of ability to produce articulate speech
187. apercu- a brief outline /glimpse/intuitive insight
188. apanage- privilege of office bequeathed to younger patrons at an early age
189. apagoge- proof by showing the falsehood of the opposite
190.antithalian- opposed to mirth and fun
191. antiscian- a dweller on the exact opposite side of the world
192. antipudic-concealing private body parts
193.antiloquy- speaking against some idea with hortatory force
194.antilapsarian- denial of the fall of humanity in both the future and in terms of original sin
195.anthroposophy- knowledge of the nature of humanity, human wisdom
196.antephialatic- preventing nightmares
197. anglice-in plain English
198.anemocracy- government by caprice or whimsy or by the wind
199.aneabil-single unmarried
200. anaudia- loss of voice
201. anatocism- compound interest
202. anapeiratic- caused by excessive usage
203. anagogy- mystical interpretation
204.anacusic- completely deaf
205. anacampserote- something that can bring back a past love
206. anabiosis- a return to life after apparent death
207.amyloid- starchy
208.amplivagant-stretching far having a great scope
209. amoretto- a cherub or a spirit of love
210.  amoret- love song
211.  ament- a person who fails to develop mentally
212. ambsace- bad luck or a low score
213.ambeer- juice from chewing tobacco
214. amaxophobia- fear of riding in a car
215. amasthenic- focusing light rays to a single point
216. amain-to a full degree, completely at full speed
217. alveromancy- divination using sounds
218. alpestrine- of or like alpine regions or mountains
219. arboricide- the killing of trees
220. alopecia- baldness hair loss
221. alogism- illogical statement
222. alluvion- impact of water on the littoral regions during a storm surge
223. allodic- not subject to a superior
224. algedonics- study of pleasure and pain
225. alamort- half-dead or rejected
226. aiger- tidal wave occurring in rivers
227.agrize- to horrify or disfigure
228. agravic- having no gravity condition of zero gravity
229. agrapha- things Jesus said that weren’t recorded in the gospels
230. aggiornamento- modernizing the teachings of the Catholic Church
231. ageotropic- turning away from the earth
232. agenocratia- opposing birth control
233. agathism- the triumph of evil over good using banausic nefariousness to achieve the ends
234. agapism- the ethics of love
235.agapeistic- Christian love
236. agamist- one who opposes marriage
237. agacerie- coquetry
238. affrayer- disturber of the peace
239. aegis- protection or support
240. advenient- due to outside causes
241.adoxy- ideas that are not heterodox or orthodox
242. adharma- unrighteousness
243.achroous- colorless
244.acersecmic- one whos hair has never been cut
245. acatalepsy- the unknowable nature of all things to precision
246. academicism- the theory that nothing can be known
247 abyssopelagic- depths of the ocean
248. abattoir- a public slaughterhouse
249. abactor- cattle-thief.
250. *******-speech-making intended for the mass-media
251. bumptious- offensively conceited or self-assertive
252.bummel-stroll leisurely journey
253. bullyrag- to assault with abusive language to badger
254.bullock- an ox or a castrated bull
255. bulimy- extreme hunger
256. bulbul- a gregarious songbird
257. bugaboo-loud or empty nonsense
258. bruit-something rumored widely
259. bromopnea- bad breath
260. babeldom- a confused sound of voices all at once
261.bagnio- a bathing house
262. bahadur- self-important official
263. baiseman- kiss on the hand
264. balatron- a joker or a clown especially if self-important
265.bambosh- deceptive nonsense
266. bantling- a brat or a ******* child
267. barbate-bearded
268. baragnosis- loss of ability to distinguish weight
269. barnard- a member of a gang of thieves that acts as a decoy
270.baryphonic- having difficulty speaking
271.battology- pleonasm, futile repetition in writing circumlocution
272. battue- indiscriminate slaughter an Aceldama without cause
273beldam- old woman, hag, ancestress
274. bellipotent-militarily powerful
275 belliferous- bringing war
276. benedict- a newly married man that has long been a bachelor
277. benet- exorcist
278 bethel- a place of worship for ******, a conventicle that teaches heterodox ideas
279 bewray- to betray, reveal or disclose a prized secret
280. bibacious- overly fond of drinking
281. biblioclasm- destruction of the bible
282. bibliognost- well-read individual person with wide knowledge of books
283.biblioklept- a stealer of books
284 bibulous- addicted to alcohol
285. biocentric- having life as the main principle
286.biognosy- general study or theory of life
287. bilious- ill-tempered or very unpleasant
288. billingsgate- coarsely abusive language
289. bilocation- ability to be in two places at once
290. binnacle- case where ships compass is kept
291. biogeny- vital essence or force
292. bionomics- study of organisms interacting in their environment
293.bismer- shame, disgrace, scorn
294. bisociation- association with one principle with multiple ideas sometimes two sometimes scores
295.blackguard- to vituperate and decry as a scoundrel
296. blandish- to flatter, coax, cajole
297.blarney- skillful flattery, nonsense
298.blench- to shrink or flinch
299.blehterskate- a garrulous talker of nonsense
300.blettonism- alleged ability to find an underground watter supply or an argosy of something hidden by clairvoyance
301. blissom- subject to or having strong ****** desires
302.bluestocking- an early feminist educated or literary woman
303. boanerges- a skilled speaker with a powerful stentorian voice
304.bodewash- cow dung
305 bodge- a piece of clumsy worksmanship or facture
306 bogan- quiet tributary or backwater
307 boggart- specter, bugbear, goblin
308 bolide- a large meteor that bursts a fireball
309 boman- a well-dressed criminal
310 bonification- paying a bonus or a reward
311. bonism- the doctrine the world is good but not perfect in the Panglossian sense
312. boodle- counterfeit money, means obtained by corruption
313.  borasco- a violent wind squall
314.borborology- a filthy talk that is burlesque
315. boscage- thick foliage or woodland extremely elegant prose or aureate poetry
316. boschveldt- bush country, wilderness of the intellectual imagination with acatalepsy challenged
317. bourasque- a tempest or stormy situation
318. boursocrat- a stock exchange official
319. bowery- a seedy or run-down district of a city
320. boyg- a problem difficult to come to grips with because it strain the imagination or writers block
321.brabble- to squabble or quarrel
322. brasero- a place where criminals, scoundrels traitors are burned alive
323. brassage- the difference in value in minting a coin and its value
324.breedbate- someone looking for an argument anywhere they can fetch it
325.brevet- commission to enable an officer to take a higher rank mobility
325.bridgewater- anything undesirable or worthless as of people or places
326.brio- enthusiastic vigor
327. Brocard- an elementary law or axiom that predicates a field for more complex synthesis and analysis
328.broch- luminous ring around the moon
329.bromidrosis- strong-smelling sweat or a rankling languor from work that effects other people with odium
330.broma- food or ailment
331. caboose- kitchen on the deck of a ship
332. cabotage- sailing or  flying to a destination that is domestic or in the same country
333.cachaemic- having poisoned or dysgenic blood to be eliminated from gene pool
334. cack- *******, worthless nonsense
335. cachet- mark of prestige, seal of approval from higher regnant authority
336. cacodoxy- bad opinion or wrong doctrine
337. cacogenics- study of racial degeneration from miscegenated lowlifes and guttersnipes
338. cacotopia- a place where everything is as bad as it can be
339. cadastre- record of ownership and value of property proof of IQ
340. cadge- to beg or sponge from another
341. caducity- being of a fugacious or temporary existence
342. caesarapopism- secular rule of a religious state
343.caitiff- base, cowardly and despicable
343 calando- slowing with gradually lowering volume as a fit of tears or mewling
343. calenture- tropical fever due to sweltering conditions anxiety around a hot woman
344. calescence- an increase in heat
345.callisteia- awards given for beauty
346. callithump- boisterous and noisy parade
347. calodemon- a good or propitious spirit
348. calvary- an experience of dreadful mental anguish
349.cambristy- science of international exchange
350. Camelot- a newspaper vendor
351. cameralism- mercantilism used a stranglehold for the leviathan to become an irrefragable mainstay inexorcisable
352. camisade- night attack
353. camorra- group united for treacherous, treasonous malfeasance or horrid ends
354. canter- someone who makes pretentious or affected statements that are hypocritical
355. cantonment- a small military town
356.cantative- of or pertaining to singing
357. captious- peevish ready to find faults breedbated
358. carking- imposing great hardship or pain like labor and such
359 carminative- relieiving flatulence making a brainfart
360. carnaptious- bad-tempered ill sullen mood
361.castophrenia- the feeling that thoughts are being stolen
362. casualism- the belief that chance is the governor of all things in an imperious way aleatory fatalism
363. catabasis- decline of a disease in a natural population
364. catadromous- migrating from fresh to salt water to spawn entering the dating world by engaging in brackish incalescence and philandering
365. catamite- boy kept for homosexual purposes among Greek pederasts
366. catasta- pedestal or stage for brutalizing slaves in public
367. catchpole- constable, sheriffs office
368 catechectics- teaching by question and answer
369. catena- series like a chain or sequence
370. cathexis- investment in emotional thought or idea or imago
371. cauponate- to engage in questionable or illegal activity in trade for material gain
372.centuple- hundred-fold increase
373. chaffer- to bargain or haggle.
374. chandelle- sharp upward turn in aviation or the stock market or ones personal fortunes
375.chantage- blackmail to prevent importunate calumny from percolating too widely especially if veracious
376. characterology- study of the development of a character in bildungsroman
377. charnel-room where corpses are placed
378. chicanery- clever but misleading talk, casuistry deception
379. chiliarchy- government by 1000 people vs. a myriarchy government by 10k
380. chiminage- toll paid for going through a forest (toll on explorers of deep intellectual ideas through gatekeepers)
381. chionablepsia- snow-blindnenss
382.  chirorocracy- government by physical force a brutal regime
383. chouse- to cheat or swindle
384.chrestomathic- pertaining to useful knowledge that can be applied in a discursive way for elaborative gains in comprehension rather than retreads of circumlocution
385.chyme-partially digested food or knowledge
386. cicerone- tour-guide
387.ciconine- of or pertaining to stocks
388. Cienega- a marsh or swamp
389. ciplinarian- one who teaches disorder like the Joker
390. circumduct- to cause to revolve around an imaginary axis as in conceptual gravity
391. circumforaneous- wandering around from market to market for best price
392. circumjacent- bordering on every side
393. clarigate- to declare war formally
394. clastic- able to be disconstituted into component objects
395. claustral- cloistered, secluded narrow-minded
396. claver- gossip
397. clavigerous- keeping keys around to extort people
398. cleronomy- inheritance
399. climacteric- a critical point in someones life
400. clinamen- inclination, bias, jaundice partiality
401. cliometrics- analysis of economic history using mathematics
402. clysmian- of or caused by a flood a pluvial torrent
403. coalize- to bring into a coalition
404.cockamamie- ridiculous incredible
405.cockshy- object of criticism or ridicule
406. codling- unripe apple or a city that is not formed right and needs some maturation
407. coeval- having the same duration in time
408. cogitabund- engaged in deep thought
409. collegialism- a theory that the church is separate from the state
410. compeer- someone of equal rank or stature
411.complicant- overlapping conceptually in latticework elegance
412. conceptualism- theory the universe exists solely in concepts
413. Comstockery- the suppression of lewd vices and ******* bowdlerization
414. conation- mental effort exerted in the pursuit of a goal or agenda
415. concetto- ingenious expression witticism
416. concinnity- harmony, elegance, congruity
417. conclamation- the shouting of many voices simultaneously
418. concubitant- marriageable age
419. Confiteor- prayer of confession of sin
420. congee- permission to depart
421. congener- something of the same type of nature
422. consciuncle- hair-splitting pedantic conscientiousness
423. consentient- unanimous
424. consecution-logical sequence or progression of an argument
425 constative- capable of being true or false
426. consuetude- custom or familiarity
427.contemper- to blend together for adaptation as in metaphor (to moderate by mixing)
428. contranatant- swimming upstream an uphill battle
429. contraplex- having messages passing both ways simultaneously
430. corrigendum-something that requires correction
431. cortinate- like a cobweb intricate and gossamer and interwoven by pesky urchins with byzantine aleatory design
432.coryphaeus- leader of a chorus the spokesman
433. cosmocrat- ruler of the world
434. cosher- to live on dependents
435.cosmotellurian- characteristic of both heaven and earth
436. cotquean- man who does womans work
437 counterblast- a defiant pronunciation or denunciation against the recriminations of evil
438. counterphobic- seeking out situation that is feared
439. cowcat- a person who exists to occupy space a goalie
440. crackjaw- hard to pronounce
441. crapehanger- a pessimist
442.credenda- things to be believed out of obligation
443. crimogenic- causing crime
444.cryptadia- things to be hidden from the public
445. cryptodynamic- having secret or hidden power
446. cryptogenic- of unknown origin
447. curiosa- pornographic books
448. cyanotype- blueprint
449.cyprian- lewd woman a *******
450. dacnomania- obsession with killing
451. dacoitage-robbing by a gang or a mob
452 daedal-formed with art, displaying inventive skill
453. dapatical-lavish:sumptuous, costly
454 darbies- handcuffs
455 darraign-to vindicate to justify or prove
456 dashpot-shock absorber
457. deadstock-farm equipment
458. deasil-sunwise motion
459. debel-to conquer in war
460. debellated-to conquer or overcome in a battle
461.debouch- to flow from a confined place
462.decarnate-denied or deprived of physical ****** form
463. decrassify- to make less crass or boorish
464. crass- without refinement in taste or sophistication, obtuse
464.dedition- surrender or capitulation
465. deek- to look at or see
466.defeasible- that may be annulled
467. defiliaton- depriving a parent of a child
468.definiens-word or words used in a dictionary definition
469.deflexure- deviation
470. deflocculate-to break down into small pieces
471. degringolade-rapid decline or decay: downfall
472. deipotent- having god like power
473 delaminate- to split into layers
474. delate- to pass on to charge with a crime
475 delenda- things to be destroyed or deleted
476 delignate-to remove wood from; deprive of wood
477delirifacient- to create delirium
478. delope- fire ones gun in the air in a duel
479. demarche- decisive measure taken in diplomacy
480. demegoric- pertaining to harangues by demagogues
481. dementi- official denial or refusal
482. demephitise-to purify air
483. demigration- change of abode
484.demisang- half-breed or hybrid
485. demiurge- creative spirit or entity
486. demology- study of human behavior
487. deodate- a gift to or from God
488. deosculate- to kiss affectionately
489. depayse- out of ones element or natural environment
490. deray- to go wild or derange
491. dexiotropic- moving to the right
492. diacope- a deep wound or incision
493. diestrus- a period of ****** inactivity
494. diffinity- lack of affinity
496. diphyletic-coming from two different ethnic groups
497.dippydo- someone who changes their mind often
498. dipsomania- cacoethes for alcohol
499. dirigisme- government controlin economic and social sphere
500. disembrangle- to free from dispute
501. disimmure- to free from walled captivity
502. disinure- to render something unfamiliar
503 disorbed- to be deprived on autarky or or authority or clarity of convictions
504. dittology- double-reading or interpretation
505. diutiurnal-lasting for a very longer time
506 docimasy-scrutiny through administering tests
507. dodoism- a stupid remark
508. dolee- someone who receives a government stipend
509. dompteuse- a female animal trainer
510. donnybrook- an uproarious brawl
511. donnism- self-importance
512 drollery- comic show, jest
513.  dreamery- a place habitable for dreamers (not illegals)
514. drygulch- to ****** by throwing off of a cliff
515. dramaturgy- perfoming dramatic stage productions esp. for broadway
516. dragoon- to compel by military bullying of chirorocratic force
517 dragoman- interpreter
518. dragonnade-perseuction by military means
519. drapetomania- urge to run away from home
520. doxographer- someone who adduces opinions and adds them to an onomasticon of sorts especially with respect to philosophy
521.  ducdame- a meaningless refrain
522. duende- the power to attract using personal charm
523. dulia- veneration of saints instead of God
524. durative- still inchoate having undergoing transformation
525. dumose- bushy
526.dwale- stupefying drink
527.  dysania- having a hard time waking up in the morning
528. dystocia- during childbirth
529. abderian- excessive cackling cachinnation or idiotic laughter
530 abecederian- a novice learning the alphabet
531. accidia- inability to think because excessive sadness
532. acrasia- acting against ones own best judgment
533 acronycal- occurring at sunset
534 aeolist- pompus windbag bombast who pretends elegance but is boring
535 aflunters- in a messy disordered state
536 agathocacological- containing both good and evil forces
537 agroof- flat on your face
538 alphamegamania- old man marrying younger bride
539. alychiphobia- a fear of failure
540. alytarch- a referee who enforces game rules
541. amrita- drink the endows immortality in Hinduism
542. anteric- vindictive spite against a former lawyer
543 apikoros- a jewish person that doesn’t follow jewish law
544, apocatastasis- a belief that all will be saved by God
545 aprosexia- inability to concentrate
546. aristophren- someone of ennobled intellectual ability
547 avetrol- an out-of-wedlock child or an illegitimate child.
548. apricate- to beaze under the sun
549. earwig-to pester with demands or eavesdrop (extortion)
550 ebriection- mental breakdown because of bibulous crapulence
551. ecbolic- serving as a midwife to birth or abortion
552. ecclesiastry- affairs of the church
553.ecdysiast-stripper
554. echinate- like a hedgehog, prickly
555. eclat- to make notorious
556.eclat (accent on first letter) publicity, dazzling effect foudroyance
557.ecmnesia- loss of memory for endemic period or epoch
558. ecophobia- fear of home
559. ecphonesis- theoretical exclamation
560. ecphrasis- low-level plain interpretation
561.egestuous- desperately poor
562. egoism- pursuit of self-interest is highest ideal
563. eigne- first born child
564 eirenism- peaceful state of mind
565 eisegesis- faulty interpretation of a text
566 elapid-pertaining to cobras
567.eluetherian- freedom giving
568 eleutheropomania- ardent about freedom
569 enantoniodroma- being replaced by somethings opposite
570. enceinte- pregnant
571 encraty- self-control
572. endlong-lengthwise
573. energumen- someone possessed by an evil spirit
574. engastrimyth- a ventriloquist
575 engouement- excessive infatuation
576 engrenage- series of decisions leading to an unspoken goal
577.enosimania- chronic obsession that one is sinner
578 entryism-joining a group to hijack the agenda and change policies
579 entelechy-perfect realization of ultimate goal or reason for existence
580. epeolatry- worship of words
581. epicene- having characteristics of both sexes
582.epicrisis-critical appreciation for literature
583. epimyth- leitmotif of a story especially a moral lesson
584. epulary- of or pertaining to banquets
585. equiparate-to treat or regard as equal as in ***, definition or philosophical ******
586.  equipollent- having equal power or force
587. eremite- hermit or religious recluse
588. erethism- abnormal irritability
589. ergasia- love of work
590 ergatocracy- populist government
591.eschaton- end of the world end-times
592 esemplastic-unifying diverse ideas into one a syncretism
593.esemplasy-the unifying power of the imagination
594. estaminet- small bar or café
595. estoppage- preventing litigation by censoring the internet
596. ethmoid- of or like a slave
597. estrapade- horse or bulls attempt to throw off a writer
598. eucrasy-statement of fitness or health physically
599. eudaemonism-ethical belief that happiness equates to morality
600. eumoireity-happiness due to chastity and moral virtue
601.eupathy- state of contentment
602.eupraxia- orthodox or correct course of action
603. euthenics- science about improving living conditions
604. eutrapely- wit and ease in conversation
605. badot- an idler who is silly
606.balbutiate- to stutter or stammer
607. ballicatter- ice that forms around docks or airplanes or rigid elements of cabotage
608.bawcock- a nice gentlemen
609. belgard- a sweet loving look for females at men
610. bibliopolist- a person that deals In rare books
611. blatteroon- a person with logorrhea cant stop talking
612. bonnyclabber- spoiled milk that has congealed
613. breem- female pig that wants to mater
614.  cacoepy- incorrect pronunciation of a word
615 cagophilist- a collector of keys
616 callet- a drab untidy woman
617calligyniaphobia- fear of attractive woman or askance around them
618 capernoited- slightly intoxicated on bibulous terms
619. celation- the act of hiding a pregnancy
620. chamade- a signal inviting negotiations
621. charette- intensive effort to complete something before the deadline
622 charientism- an artfully veiled insult
623. choregus- a financial banker in ancient Greece
624. chrisom- a child dying before baptism
625. chronomancy- deciding on the best time for something
626.chryselephantine- decorated with gold and ivory
627 cicisbeo-man with which a woman is having an affair
628. clapperclaw- to berate or scold with blackguarded billingsgate or obelization
629 clappedudgeon- a beggar from a family line of beggars
630. clepsammia- an hourglass that measures sand
631. cloffin- to sit idly by a fire
632. collieshangie- an uproar or frenzy a donnybrook but more muted, a quarrel
633. colporteur- someone who delivers books or bibles to people
634.colposinquanonia- measuring beauty based on breast size
635 comprachio- person who buys disfigured children to use as salesman
636 comestion- devoured by fire
637 comprivigni- relation of a child to its step-siblings
638 concionnative- pertaining to public speaking
639 consuetudinary- a guide to local customs for business purposes
640. cosmopoietic- world creating
641.costermonger- seller of fruits and vegetables
642. crambazzle- a worn-out old man
643. cretaceous- chalky or grayish white
644. crose- to whine empathetically with someone in pain in a zoological sense
645. cryptaesthesia- ESP
646 culch- *******, flotsam, trash garbage
647 cullion- a rude mean-spirited person
648.cyesolagnia- attracted to pregnant women
649 davering- walking or maneuvering in a dazed manner
650. deesis- supplication to a divine being
651. dejerate- to take a solemn oath
652 delitescent- to be hidden or concealed
653. demitoilet- a style of formal elaborate dress that is informal
654. dephologisticate- to make fireproof
655. deturpated -to defile or disfigure
656. dignotion- distinguishing mbark or feature a nevus
657 dikephobia- fear of justice
658 diophysitic- having two personalities
659. dippoldism- beating school children with cruel methods that are archaic
660. ditokous- producing twins
661. diurnation- to sleep during the day
662. dommerer- a beggar who pretends to be deaf or mute to garner support (a politician deigning)
663. doyenne- the eldest member in a group
664. doytin- to walk around stupidly and aimlessly looking mentally challenged
665. drawcansir- a person that kills both friend and foe or destroys his own cause while fighting his opponents
666.drazel- an immoral woman
667. dratchell- a slovenly, lazy woman
668. dringle- someone who likes to waste time
669. drizzen- bemoaning working hard a bleat of negotiosity sometimes of boursocrats
670 drogulus- something that can’t be identified or described because it is ineffable  without physical form or effects
671. druxy- meretricious appearance rotten inside
672. dudman- a scarecrow made of old clothes
673 dwizzen- to shrivel up like a fruit wizened with age
674. dysania- trouble waking up in the mourning
675.dysepulotic- not healing quickly enough
676. dyslogistic- expressing disapproval
677. dysteleologist- believes nature has no meaning and purpose
678 dyvors- bankers in disrepair after good names ruined by agiotage
679 eccaleobion- something which gives life like anabiosis or brings alive
680 echopraxia- immature parroting or aping of things they heard or people they witness
681 efter- a patron that robs people during a show
682 eisoptrophobia- fear of mirrors because of ugliness
683. emacity- urge to spend money
684 enchorial- belonging to a certain country
685 entheate- divinely possessed by a demiurge or god
686. ephorize- to having a controlling influence over militancy
687 epincion- victory song
688. Epirot- someone who lives far away from the coast unlike an orarian
689. esquivalience- unwillingness to perform a job asked of you
690. estrapade- horses attempt to remove the rider (or a bulls attempt)
691 eustress- stress related to a happy event
692. faffle- work that takes too long and produces substandard results
693. fangast- eligible for marriage among women concubinial nubile
694. fashimite- slave to fashion industry
695. feaque- a *****, lazy man
696 ferriation- taking time off of work to travel on holiday
697. fettler- a person skilled at repairing tools or machinery
698 fewterer- a kennel owner who keeps dogs around
699. finifugal- shunning the end of something’
700. flamfoo- girl in gaudy clothes thinking she is fashionable when its not
701. flaneur- an idle man that never works
702.flaneusse- woman who refuses to work
703. flosculous- pertaining to flowers
704 flothery- being drab, uncouth untidy while pretending parvenu fashions of the classy and proper
705 flyndrig- an impudent or deceiving woman
706. foison- a very bountiful harvest
707. franion- pleasure-seeker or hedonist
708. frigoric- mythical substances though to transmit cold
709 frustraneous- unprofitable and completely useless
710 fucoid- resembling sea-****
711 fustilug- a fat clumsy indolent slob
712fysigunkus- a person who lacks curiosity
713 facinorous- atrociously wicked
714 gaberlunzie- wandering hobo or beggar harmless
715 gallywow- a man who can’t have children
716 gamin(e)- homeless child male or female
717 gammerstang- tall awkward woman
718 gaum- to stare vacantly or handle clumsily
719 geck- an expression of scorn or discontent
720 genizah- a repository of banned books
721 gezellig- comfortable feeling around kin or friends
722. gigantomachize-to be at war with ones superiors
723 gigmania- smug obsession with obtaining middle-class stature
724 girouettism- changing ones opinion to match the vogue stance
725 glaikery- silly or foolish behavior
726 gnap- to criticize in an acerbic or biting way or tone
727 griffonage- sloppy handwriting
728 groak-to stare at someone hoping to get food
729 gubbertushed-to have bucked teeth or odontoloxia
730. guerdon- reward or payment
731. fallibilism- empiricial knowledge cannot be proven’
732. femicide- destroying anothers reputation
733. fandangle- pretentious tomfoolery
734. fanfaron- an empty boaster
735 fardel- anything cumbersome or irksome
736. farrow- to give birth to piglets
737 featous- shapely, well-made, handsome
738 favonian- pertaining to zephyrs or west winds
739 ferity- state of barbarism or savagery
740 ferule- cane or rod used in punishment
741 fescennine- marked by the use of vulgarity or obscene language
742. fideicide- the killer of a faith
743. finical- excessively precise in trivial matters
744. finitism- belief in finitude of universe or god
745 flagitious- grossly wicked, guilty of heinous crimes
746. flambeau- flaming torch
747 flamen- pagan priest
748 flammule- little flame
749 flannel- ostentatious nonsense
750 flaught- snowflake
751 fleer- to mock or jeer to make faces in contempt
752 footle- to waste time to act foolishly
753 foraminated- perforated with small holes
754 foreright- directly in front of
755 forfend- to ward off or avert
756forsifamiliate- to free from parental *******
757 formant- anything that demarcates or determines or limits or defines
758 fortuitism-evolution by random chance
759. fossarian- clerical person moonlighting as a gravedigger
760 fossor- gravedigger
761 fouter- to mess with aimlessly
762 fragor- a crash
763 frantling- mating call of a peacock
764 fremitus- vibration or rumbling
765 frescade- a cool walk a cool or shady place
766 frigolabile- susceptible to colds easily hacked
767. frogmarch- to carry an uncooperative drunkard or prisoner
768 frottage-rubbing for ****** gratification
769 froward- turned away, self-willed, unreasonable, perverse adverse uncooperative
770 fumatorium- place for smoking
771 fumet- the scent of game when high
772 fumiduct- smokestack
773 fundus- the bottom of anything
774 funest- deadly lamentable
775 furfur- dandruff or scurf
776. fustilarian- term of abuse
777. futtock- the rib of a ship
778. gabble- to talk inarticulately as in a baby
779. gabelle- a salt tax
780.gad- to wander about idly in search of pleasure
781 gadarene- headlong, precipitate
782 gadzookerie- the use of archaisms in literature
783. galanty- shadow play
784 gallionic- uncaring indifferent
785 gallomania- obsession with France
786. gammadion- a *******
787.gammon- to feign an action to produce a hoax
788. gangue- worthless rock where valuable metals occur
789. gangway- either side of the upper deck of a ship
790.gardyloo- warning cry
791. gaud- trick or practical joke
792. gauleiter- overbearing wielder of petty authority
793. gaumless- stupid, witless, vacant
794.gawdelpus- a helpless person
795 geist- spirit or intellectual inclination
796 gelogenic- producing laughter
797 genarch- head of family or clan
798. genesiology- study of heredity and genetics
799. gentilitian- belonging to a race or a clan
800. geofact- natural rock that looks like an artifact
801. geotaxis- response of an organism to gravity
802 geotechnics- study of increasing habitability of earth
803 gerdoying-imitation of a sound of a crash
804. gerent- one that rules or manages
805 giaour- one who doesn’t follow islam
806gilliver- wallflower
807 gimcrack- a trivial mechanism or trick
808 ginnel- narrow alley between high building
809. glebe-church land granted to clergyman
810. gleek- a trick or joke
811. gleet- disgusting STD mucous
812 gnomic- ignifying general truth
813 gnomonics- study of time using sundials
814 goetic- pertaining to black magic
815 goliardy- riotous or lustful behavior
816 gorsoon- boy-servant
817 gradgrind- one who regulates things based on stats
818 gramary- magic, enchantment
819 grapnel- small anchor used for dragging or grappling
820. grauncher- incompetent clumsy mechanic
821. graupel- frozen rain or snowflakes
822. gravamen- grounds for legal complaint, grievance
823. gregatim- in flocks
824. gricer- trainspotter or railway enthusiast
825.grimoire- magicians book for summoning spirits
826 grinagog- constantly grinning person
827grithbreach- breach of the peace
828.grobianism- slovenly boorishness
829. groundling- a person with inferior taste, commoner
830. gynics- knowledge of women
831 gyrovague- a monk who travels from place to place
832 habromania- insanity producing beatific delusions
833.hadeharia- constant use of word hell
834 haecceity- aspect of existence on which individuality depends
835 halation- blurring in photograph due to light reflection
836 hallux- big toe
837 hamartia- character flaw leading to downfall
838 handfast- a firm grip, a contract
839 hamshackle-to fetter or restrain
840. hardihood-boldness or audacity
841. harridan- sharp-tongued scolding woman
842. harry-to plunder, ravage destroy
843. hawkshaw- a detective
844.heapstead- buildings around a mineshaft
845.hebdomadally- every week
846. hebenon- anything with poisonous juices
847. hebephrenia- dementia in puberty
848 hecatomb- large sacrifice or slaughter of 100
849 hederaceous-pertaining to ivy
850. hednon- wedding present
851. heeler- worker for a local politican or political party
852. hegumene- head of a nunnery
853. heliofugal- moving away from the sun
854. heliosis- sunburn
855. helobious- living in marshes or moors
856. helotry- class of slaves
857hemitery- congenital deformity
858. henotheism- tribal belief in a god but not the oml one
859.heresiarch- leader of a heretical movement
860. heroon- temple of a hero
861. hetaera- paramour, *******, meretrix, concubine
862. heterochrony- divergence from normal time sequence
863. heterodyne- interference due to different wave frequencies
864. hexaemeron- six days of creation
865. hierodule- temple slave
866.hierology- the science of sacred matters
867. hieropathic-strong love of the clergy
868. hipped- offended, melancholy peevish
869. hobohemia- community of hoboes
870. holm- island in a river
871holocryptic- inscrutable undecipherable
872. holt- woody hill or grove
873. homolegomena- books of the bible used in early Christianity
874.hornbook- rudimentary treatise
875. hornwork-cuckoldry
876.houghmagandy- fornication
877. houndstooth- fabric with an irregular checked pattern
878.humgruffin- a terrible person
879. hyaline- glassy or transparent
880. hylarchic-ruling over matter
881hylicism- materialism
882. hyle-matter
883. hylogenesis- the origin of matter
884.hylozoism- the belief that everything is endowed with life
885.hymeneal- relating to marriage
886. hypaethral- roofless open to the sky
887.hyperarchy- excessive government
888. hyperborean- living in extreme north
889.hyerbulia- excessive zeal for activity or action
890.hyperemesis- excessive vomiting
891. hypobulic- weak-willed
892.hypogeiody- surveying underground
893. hypogeum- underground chamber
894. iatramelia- medical negligence
895 ibidem- in the same place
896.ichneumous- parasitical
897 ichnogram- footprint
898. iconoduly- worship of icons or images
899. iconophilism- obsession of pictures as a hobbie
900. ideogenous- of mental origin
901. ideopraxist- someone who is impelled to carry out an idea
902. ideoprone- spoken but not written
903 idolect-distinct form of speech
904 ideogeny-study of the origin of ideas
905. idiocrasis-intrinsic peculiarity or unique feature
906 idioglossia- private language developed between children
907. ignavia- laziness, laxity
908. ignosceny- forgiveness
909. illecebrous- enticing, attractive
910.illimitable- supreme infinitude
911. ignotism- mistake due to ignorance
912. illation- act of inferring from premises
913. immortelle- everlasting dried flower
914.immunifacient- causing immunity
915. imparlance- delay in pleading for amicable adjustment
916. impavid- fearless, undaunted
917. impennate- feathless, wingless
918. imperseverant- lacking the power to perceive
919.  impetrate- to obtain by entreaty, request or prayer
920. imponent- that which levies an obligation
921. impropriate- to appropriate for private use
922. incivism- neglect of duty as a citizen
923.imcompossible- incapable of coexisting
924.incondite- poorly constructed
925. incuse- impressed or stamped upon
926.  indifferentism- belief all religions are equally valid
927.  indiscerptible- unable to be separated
928. indite- to compose
929. induciae- peace treaty or armistice
930. induviae- persistent leaves on dead plants
931. infomania- obsessive devotion for obtaining facts
932.infumate- smoky blackened
933. ingeminate- to reiterate or redouble
934.ingerence- intrusion interference
935.ingle- a fire in a room fireplace
936indlenook- alcve by a large open fire
937. ingravescent- growing more severe
938. inlagation-pardoning an outlaw
939. innominate- having no name
940. inopinate- not thought of unexpected
941.inquinate- to corrupt or defile
942.inquierendo- authority to inquire into something
943. inscient- having little or no knowledge
944. insidiate- to conspire against or betray
945. insolate- to treat by exposure to suns rays
946. instanter- at once
947. intempestive- unseasonablem untimely inopportune
948.interamnian- between two rivers
949. interlunation-dark time between old moon and new
950. interrex- one who rules during an an interregnum
951. interrobang-!? Or ?!
952.intertesselation- a complex interrelationship
953. intorted- turned inward
954.inurbanity- lack of manners
955. invictive- insurmountable undefeated
956. ipseity- state of being oneself
957. iracund- inclined to become angry
958.iridal- pertaining to a rainbow
959. iridine- rainbowlike
960. iridize- to make iridescent
961.  irrecusable- that cannot be rejected
962. irredenta- clamoring for territory to be returned to natural fgroups
963. irreption-stealthy entrance subtle or creepy intro
964. isapostolic-equal or contemporary with the apostles
965. isagoge- academic intro to a subject
966. isochronous- having the same duration
967. isocracy- equal political power
968.ivresse- drunkenness
969. izzat-public esteem, honor
970. ivoride- iimitation ivory
971. isorropic- of equal value
972. isonomy- equal privileges under the law
973. joss- luck or fate
974. jongleur- wandering minstrel
975. jow- to ring a bell
976.jumboism- admiration for large things
977. jumentous- like a horse
978. kalon- beauty more than skin deep
979.kantikoy- to dance as a form of worship
980. kame-steep irregular ridge
981. karezza- prolonged *** avoiding ******
982. keck- to retch ro feel digusts
983.kedge- small anchor to keep a ship steady
984.keelhaul- to punish by dredging under the keel of a ship
985.keeve- large tub
986. kemb- to comb
987. kenodoxy- a love or study of vainglory
988. kermesse- cycle race held in an urban area
989. kickshaws- a worthless keepsake or article
990.killcow- a bully or a swaggerer
991.killcrop- a greedy insatiable baby, a changeling
992. kinematics- study of motion
993. kinetogenic- causing movement
994.knackish- cunning, crafty
995. knickpoint- discontinuity of a river because of an erosion curve
996. kriegspiel- a wargame to teach strategy
997.kritarchy -government by judges
998. kurgan- prehistoric burial mound
999.kyrie- religious petition for mercy
1000.kyriolexy- use of literal expressions
1001. agenhina- a guest at an inn
1002. labarum- moral standard; ecclesiastical banner bearing Christ’s monogram
1003. labefactation- a weaking decay: overthrow
1004.labiomancy- lip-reading
1005.labrose- thick-lipped
1006.labtebricole- living in holes
1007. lacertilian- pertaining to lizards
1008. lackaday- expression of regret or deprecation
1009.laconicum- sauna
1010. lacuna- a blank space or missing part
1011.ladronism- robbery and banditry
1012.laeotropic- turning to the left
1013.laetificate- to cheer one up
1014. lagan- wreckage or goods found at the fundus of the sea
1015.lagniappe- gratuity or a gift given
1016. laicism- opposition to the clergy or priests doctrine of protestants
1017. lairwite- fine given to married women for adultery
1018. lamister- fugitive
1019. lanai- private balcony in a hotel room
1020.lancination-sharp shooting pain
1021. lares- local roman gods
1022.largition- giving of largesse
1023.larithmics- study of population statistics
1024. larrup-to flog or thrash
1025. laterad- towards the side’
1026. laterigrade- moving sideways
1027.latipennate- having broad wings
1028. latitudinous- wide or broad interpretation
1029.latration-yelping or barking
1030. latria- highest degree of veneration assigned to God over saints
1031lavadero- place for washing gold ore
1032. laveer- to sail against the wind
1033.layette- babys complete set of clothing
1034. laxism- belief that an unlikely opinion might be safely followed
1035.lection-reading in church lesson
1036. legalism- belief that salvation requires adherence to the nomisitc law of seculars
1037. legicide- killer or destroyer of laws
1038. legist- person knowledgeable about the law
1039. leman- lover sweetheart or paramour
1040.lemures- spirts of the dead
1041. lemma- preliminary proposition, theme, argument or headword
1042.lendrumbilate- to gullibly believe in a words veracity
1043. lentiginose- minutely dotted, freckled
1044.lentor- sluggishness viscidity
1045. lepidine- composed of scales
1046.lepidity- facetious wit
1047 lethe- oblivion forgetfulness
1048.lethologica- inability to remember the right word
1049.lethonomia- tendency to forget names
1050.levant- to run away from a debt
1051. lexer- law student
1052. lias- fossil-bearin limestone
1053.liberticide- destruction of liberty
1054.libidinist- lewd person
1055.libken- place to sleep in
1056. libricide- killer of books
1057.libration- apparent oscillation of moons visible surface
1058.lickerish- lecherous, *****, greedy
1059. lido- open-air swimming pool or bathing beach
1060.lientery- discharge of chyme
1061.ligyrophobia- fear of loud noises
1062.limacine- pertaining to slugs
1063. limiculous- living in mud
1064.limitrophe- near the frontier or border
1065.limnetic- living in fresh water/pertaining to
1066.limosis- abnormally ravenous appetite
1067. lipsanographer- one who writes about relics
1068. literatim- letter for letter
1069. litotes- understatementby affirming negation of the contrary
1070. liturgician- one who studies church rituals
1071.liturgist- leader in public worship
1072. livedo- pathological blueness of skin
1073.loan-word- word borrowed from another language
1074.locanda- lodging house an inn
1075.lobcock- bumpkin, boor or lout
1076. lochetic- waiting in ambush
1077. locutory- room for conversation
1078.lodesman- pilot
1079. logice- in a logical manner
1080.logodaedaly- verbal legerdemain
1081. logomania- pathological loquacity
1082. logos- divine rational principle
1083.loimic- pertaining to the plagues or like a plague
1084.lollop- to bound about wildly
1085.longiniquity-remoteness
1086.longueur-period of dulnnes or teidum’
1087.lordolatry- worship of nobility
1088. lorgnon- an eyeglass
1089.lotophagous- indolent, lazy, dreamy feeding on lotuses
1090. lour- to look sullen or threatening
1091.lucifugous- avoiding light
1092. lucriferous- yielding profit
1093.ludibund- playful
1094. lunarist- one who believes the moon affects the weather
1095.lunisolar- pertaining to both moon and sun
1096. lustrate- to purify by sacrifice
1097. lychgate-roofed gate of churchyard
1098.lypemania- pathological mournfulness
1099.lyterian- indicating the end of a disease
1100. lythcoop-auction of household goods.
1101.  macadamize- to cover a road with small broken stones
1102.machair- low-lying sandy beach
1103. macrology- much talk  with little to say
1104. macroscian-one with a large shadow
1105. madescent- growing damp
1106. maculose- spotted
1107. maffick- to celebrate exuberantly and boisterously
1108. magisterium- teaching function of the Catholic Church
1109. magomancy- divination by magic or sorcery
1110. magpiety- garrulousness
1111. mainsail- principal sail
1112.malapert- bold, forward, saucy
1113.malism- belief the world is evil
1114.malison- a curse
1115.mamelle- a rounded hill
1116. mallosesmic- suffering from frequent and severe earthquakes
1117. mammothrept- spoiled child
1118. mandarism- government with large bureaucracy
1119.mandriarch- former of a monastic order
1120. mantology- fortune telling
1121. maquette-small model of something made on a large scale
1122.  marasmus- wasting away of the  body from malnutrition
1123. marrano- jew converted to Christianity to avoid persecution
1124. margaric- pearl like
1125.martext- ignorant preacher
1126.maskirovka- use of deceptive camouflage as a military stratagem
1127. mathesis- mental discipline, wisdom
1128.matinal- of or pertaining to the morning
1129.matriotism- love for country or other institution when regarded as mother
1130. malchus- short-cutting sword
1131. malefic- doing mischief, producing evil
1132. malgrado- notwithstanding
1133. mainour- the stolen goods found on a thief
1134. mammer- to stammer waver or be undecided
1135. mamzer- illegitimate child
1136. manciple- steward of college or monastery
1137. manqué- having ha unfulfilled amibition/ failing to achieve expectation
1138. margaric -pearllike
1139.maricolous- living in the sea
1140. martext- ignorant preacher
1141.  matroclinic- more like the mother than the father
1142.  maunder- to grumble, to drivel to mutter
1143.  mazy- dizzy. Confused
1144. mediagenic- able to produce a good image in the media
1145. medicaster- quack or charlatan
1146. meedless- undeserving, unrewarded
1147. megalography- art memorializing history
1148.megascopic- visible to naked eye
1149. melano- abnormally dark person or animal
1150. melismatic- florid in melody
1151.  memoriter- from memory by heart
1152. mentatiferous- telepathic
1153.  mereology- study of part-whole relationships
1154. meristic- divided into parts or segments
1155. mesocracy- government by the middle-class
1156.  mesquin- mean ungracious
1157. metage- official weighing of goods
1158.metagnomy- divination
1159. micrander- dwarf male plant
1160. micropolis- small city
1161. millitaster- solider without skill or ability
1162.milt- fish spawn
1163.mimature- mimicry
1164. minauderie- display of affection
1165. minimifidian- having the smallest possible degree of faith
1166. minimism- reduction of the dogma to the least possible
1167.minutious- paying undue heed to minutiae
1168.mirador- watchtower or belvedere
1169. miscegene- person of mixed racial heritage
1170. mistetch- bad habit
1171.mnemonotechny- a tactic to increase memory capacity
1172. mobilism- belief nothing is fixed
1173. modalism- belief the trinity are three modes of the same entity
1174.  modish- fashionable stylish
1175.mofussil- provincial rural
1176.mogigraphia- writing with difficulty
1177. mogilalia- speaking with difficulty
1178. mollycoddle- an effeminate man
1179. momilogy- study of mummies
1180.mondain- worldy fashionable o such a person
1181. monergism- theory that the holy spirit alone can act
1182. mongery- marketing or trafficking in discreditable ways
1183. monoculus-one eyed person
1184. monoideism- fixation on single thought or idea
1185. monophysitism- belief that cchrist was primarily divine but in human form
1186. monosy- separation of parts normally fused
1187. Montero- huntsman
1188. Montgolfier- balloon using fire for propulsion
1189.monticolous- mountain dwelling
1190. morbiferous- disease- bringing
1191.morcellate -to divide into smaller portions
1192. mordant- biting, caustic, incisive, corrosive
1193. morganise- to secretly do away with
1194. morgue- haughtiness or arrogance
1195. morient- dying
1196.  morigeration- deferent behavior
1197.morioplasty- restoration of lost parts of the body’
1198. morosis- pathological feeble-mindedness
1199.morphaen- of or like pertaining to dreams
1200. morse- walrus.
1201. nabalitic- churlish
1202. naissance- new development
1203 nancifully- in an effeminate manner
1204. nanity- some deficiency in a certain respect
1205 naos- inner cell of a temple
1206. napoo- to destroy or ****
1207 narcocracy- government by drug cartels
1208 narcose- hallucinogenic stupor
1209.narquois- mocking malicious
1210. narrowcast- transmit a program for a narrow audience
1211. narthex- small entrance or porch to a church
1212. naskin- prison
1213 natable- able to float
1214.natalitial- like a birthday
1215. naticide- killing your own child
1216. naturism- communal nudism
1217. naucify- to despise to hold in low esteem
1218.naufrague- a shipwrecked person
1219. naumachy- mock sea battle
1220. naupegical- relating to ship building
1221. navarchy- rulership of the seas
1222. nave- largest part of the church where congregation sits
1223.nebbich- colorless, inconsequential person
1224.nebulist- artist with indistinct lines
1225. necessitudinarian- determinist
1226.necrogenic- deriving from dead animals
1227 nefandous- abominable despicable
1228.nefastous- wretched, miserable
1229.negaholic- habitually pessimistic.
1230. pagophagia- eating ice
1231. palliard- a vagabond or drifter who sleeps in the hay in peoples barns
1232 pancratic- accomplished in many sports or disciplines
1233.panjandrum-self-important person with vainglory that thinks they are powerful
1234. pantagamy- married to everybody
1235. pantomancer- one who sees omens in every event
1236. pantophobia- fear of everything
1237. papabile- a candidate for pope or another high office
1238 papyrocracy- rulership by paperwork or the press
1239. parabolanus- a monk who treats diseases
1240. paradiorthosis-a false correction or addition of misconceptions to correct data
1241. paralian- one who lives by the sea
1242. paralipophobia- fear of responsibility
1243.paratersiomania- obsession with being a ******
1244. paravent- to shelter from the wind
1245. parergon- a second job or additional source of income
1246. parisologist- a person who uses ambiguous language
1247. parnel- mistress of a priest
1248. parrhesiastic- ability to speak freely
1249.parousimamania- an obsession with the return of Christ
1250. pasilaly- a universal language
1251. passulation- the act of drying up and turning into a raisin
1252. pastorauling- walking through fields with significant other
1253. pataphysics- the science of imaginary solutions or nonsensical philosophies
1254. patavinity- use of local slang when writing
1255. pathenophilia- the love of virgins
1256.pathognomy- the study of emotions or the physical response thereto
1257. pavonine- resembling a peacocks tail, iridescent
1258. pauciloquent- using as few words as possible
1259.peccatiphobia- fear of sinning
1260.pecunious- having a lot of money
1261. pedipulate- to operate with ones feet
1262. pedotropy- raising children properly
1263.peenge- complain with a whining tone crose
1264. pelagic- relating to open oceans
1265. peniaphobia- fear of poverty
1266. penotherapy- control of prostitutes to prevent STDS
1267. peramene- very pleasant
1268. percontation- a question or inquiry
1269. perculsion- extreme shock or concern
1270. perendinate- to delay indefinitely
1271. perfuncturate- to do a task in a careless manner
1272.periblebsis- a wild look accompanying delirium
1273.periclitate- to endanger or risk of danger
1274. perissopedics- dealing with gifted children
1275. pernoctation- staying up all night working
1276. pervulgate-to publish something
1277. phagomania- insatiable hunger
1278 pharisee- a very self-righteous person
1279. phanerolagnist- a psychologist studying human lust
1280. phasmophobia- fear of ghosts
1281.phenakism- an act of treachery or cheating
1282.phengophobia- fear of sunlight or the sun
1283.philalethist- a lover of truth
1284. philocalist- a lover of beauty
1285.philocubist- lover of dice games
1286.philodespot- lover of tyranny
1287.philodox-lover of ones own opinions
1288.philogeant- lover of everything on earth
1289.philographer- collector of autographs
1290. philogynist- lover of women
1291.philoneist- lover of fads or trends
1292. philonoist- someone who is seeking knowledge
1293. philoprogeneit- the love of your own children
1294. philosophunculist- someone who pretends to know more than they really do know to impress
1295.philoxenist- someone who loves to entertain strangers
1296.phobanthropy- fear of humanity in general
1297.phonocamptics- science of echoes
1298. phronemophobia- fear of thinking
1299.phrontistery- a place for study or concentration or contemplation
1300.phudnik- irritating person with a PhD.
1301.physitism- worship of nature
1302.pickthank- a sycophant or yes man
1303.pilosism- excessive hair
1304.pilpul-debate among rabbis about the Talmud
1305. pismirism-saving of every bit of money such as hoarding
1306.placophobia- fear of tombstones
1307.planomania- urge to roam
1308.pleionosis- the habit of exaggerating ones own importance
1309.plenilune- time of the full moon
1310.plevisable- able to be bailed out of jail
1311. plongeur- one who washes dishes for a living
1312.plousiocracy- government by wealthy and elite
1313. pococurante- insouciant or indifferent
1314.podlec- bad person who inspires contempt and hatred
1315.poinephobia- fear of punishment
1316.pollarchy- rulership by the mob
1317. polydipsia- excessive thirst either literally or figuratively
1318. polyandry- marriage to several men
1319. polylogize- to talk excessively
1320. polyloquent- someone who can talk about a multitude of subjects with mastery’
1321. pomology- study of how fruit grows
1322.ponerologist- one who expounds on the evils of nature
1323. ponophobia- fear of overworking
1324. posology- area of medicine dealing with dosages
1325. precibal- before dinner
1326. preterition- theory that God has predecided who he will save and will neglect everyone else
1327.preternuptial-after the marriage
1328.preterpluperfect- more than perfect
1329. proficuous-advantageous and useful
1330.prosophobia- fear of progress
1331.psaphonic- preoccupied with planning your ascent to wealth
1332.psephology- study of political elections
1333.pseudoautochiria- a ****** made to look like a suicide
1334. psithurism-the sound of the wind around rustling leaves in the forest
1335.psychomancy- divination by talking to the dead
1336. psychopomp- one who leads the spirits of the dead and the living on a righteous course
1337.ptochocracy- a government by the poor
1338.puellaphilist- one who loves girls
1339.pule- to complain like a small child
1340.pullulate- to breed rapidly to overpopulate
1341.pyrrhonist- an extreme skeptic who accepts nothing at face value
1342.pysmatic- always questioning or inquiring
1343.pythogenic- coming from garbage
1344 ecocentrism- a philosophy or perspective that places intrinsic value on all living organisms and their natural environment, regardless of their perceived usefulness or importance to human beings.
1345. subitize- rain-. ain caliber skills at counting or assizing
1346 shivaree- m a mock serenade with kettles, pans, horns, and other noisemakers given for a newly married couple; charivari
1347. manqué- having failed, missed, or fallen short, especially because of circumstances or a defect of character; unsuccessful; unfulfilled or frustrated (usually used postpositively): a poet manqué who
1348. garbology- the study of the material discarded by a society to learn what it reveals about social or cultural patterns
1349. prorogue- to discontinue meetings of a group without dissolving it
1350 . prosopography-a description of individuals life character or physical form.
1351. paciferous- peace-bringign
1352. pais- a place where people are selected to be drawn
1353. palatine- having royal authority over a region
1354.paideutic- educational method or theory
1355. paludism- marsh-fever , malaria
1356.palzogony- foreplay
1357.pamphyticism- doctrine that material is the overriding force in reality
1358. panaesthesia- a totality of perception
1359. panarchy- universal rule or dominion
1360.panaestheticism- theory that matter might inhere with consciousness
1361 pancosmism- theory that only the material universe exists
1362.panegyry- religious festival or grand assembly
1363. panmixia- the cessation of natural selection
1364. pansophy- universal knowledge
1365. pentarchy- world government
1366. pantoglot- speaker of all languages
1367 raith- quarter of a year
1368 ratomorphism- belief that all human sapience translates to animals some if not all
1369.rectalgia- pain in the ***
1370.recumbentibus- a sockdolager a knockout blow
1371 rememble- a false memory
1372. repine- to express discontent or longing
1373.rhabdophobia- the fear of magic
1374. roil- to make muddy or disturb sediment
1375 roorback- a fake news story to discredit a political opponent
1376 sabaism- worship of stars
1377. salariat- class of society earning salaries
1378.salebrosity- uneven and roughness
1379. samizdat- illegal writing by political dissenters
1380. sandapile- coffin
1381. sapphism- the state of being lesbians
1382. saprogenic- causing rot or decay
1383. sarcinarious- able to carry a heavy burden
1384. sardanapalian- luxuriously effeminate
1385.sarmassophobia- fear of love play
1386. Sarvodaya- an idealized society with no class system
1387. satisdiction- saying everything needed to be said
1388.satrapess- a petty tyrant of an official
1389. saxify- to turn to stone or rock.
1390.scabilonian- a disliked garb that is tacky
1391.scacchic-pertaining to chess
1392.scaldabanco- a priest with a fiery sermon
1393.scelestious- evil or wickedness
1394. scholaptitude- natural ability to be a scholar
1395.scollardical- an insult for sophomaniacal intellectuals who brag
1396.scopolagnia- pleasure gained by a ******
1397.selachostomous- shark-mouthed
1398. semelparous- having only one child
1399. senectitude- old age
1400.sepicolous- living in bushes or hedges
1401.shanachie- person who enjoys regaling stories or legends
1402. shurocracy- a government based on consensus
1403.shunamitism- rejuvenation of an older man by a younger woman
1404. silentium- a place where silence is enforced
1405. sithcundman- oldest resident of an area
1406.skoptsy- self-castration
1407.skookum- first-rate or the best
1408.slubberdegullion- a churlish boor a slob
1409.smatchet- a small nasty person or child
1410. smellfungus- a person who finds fault with everything or one
1411. snirtle- suppressed laughter
1412. solivagant- wandering all alone
1413. sodality- an organization or group
1414.somnifuguous- something that prevents sleep
1415. sophrosyne- wise moderation and prudence and good sense
1416 spaneria- a place with few men
1417.spanogyny- a place with few or no women
1418. sparge- to moisten by sprinkling with water
1419.sphallolalia- flirtatious talk that leads nowhere
1420. spindrift- an ocean spray which is blown by the wind
1421. spuddle- to treat minor business as though it were important
1422.squirearchy- government by landed gentry
1423.stafador- a fake or an impostor
1424. stagiary- student of law
1425. stalko- poor man who pretends riches
1426.stenotopic- one can only live in a very limited environment
1427. stichomancy- random passages from bible divination
1428. stratocracy- government formed by the military
1429.stupration- the **** of a ******
1430. stygiophobia- a fear of hell
1431.succedaneum- an acceptable but inferior substitution
1432. symposiarch- master of ceremonies
1433.syndyasmia-  open marriage where both are free to philander
1434. syntality- the predictable behavior of a social group.
1435. tachophobia- fear of speed
1436. tachydidactic- being taught rapidly
1437 tanquam- person educated enough to attend college
1438. tantony- one who always follows others
1439. tantrels- people who refuse to get a job
1440. tarassis- male equivalent of hysteria
1441. tartarology- study of hell
1442.tatamae- something agreed on publically but not privately
1443.temulentia- advanced drunkenness verging on unconsciousness and blackout
1444.tentiginous- full of lust
1445.theanthropism- belief in union of divinity and carnality (divine and human)
1446.theocristic- anointed by God
1447.theocrasy- worship of different gods
1448. theogamy- marriage between gods
1449.theoktony- the death of God or god
1450.theologoumenon- individual opinion on God or divinity
1451. theomastix- divinely ordained disaster
1452.theomicrist- one who mocks god
1453.theoplasm- the stuff gods are made of
1454. theophany- divine manifestation
1455.timmynoggy- a device that saves time or labor
1456. timocracy- government of honorable people
1457.tirocinium- a soldiers first battle
1458. tomecide- murdering a book
1459.tregetour- a street magician or juggler
1460. tropoclastics- science of changing habits
1461. turpitude- a shamefully wicked act
1462.tycolosis- accident prevention
1463. tyrophilia- love of cheese
1464.tziganologist- one who studies gypsies or their culture.
1465. wagtail- an obsequious person or a harlot
1466. wallydrag- a feeble or worthless person or animal
1467. walm- to spout or boil up
1468.wanhope- despair
1469.wanion- ill-luck misfortune
1470. wankle- unstable or unsteady
1471. wanze- to decrease or waste away
1472.  wasm- an outdated policy doctrine or theory
1473.waygone- exhausted from long travels
1474.waywiser- instrument for measuring mileage traveled
1475.weirdward- bordering on supernatural
1476. welter- turmoil or chaos
1477.whangam- an imaginary animal
1478.whemmle- to overturn to throw into a state of disorder
1479. wieldless- unmanageable
1480.wilder- to cause to stray
1481.windlass- circuitous movement , indirect action
1482. winterkill- to **** by exposure to cold
1483.witeless- blameless
1484.witwanton- to engage in irreverent wit
1485.womanthrope-hater of women
1486. wondermonger- one who promises miracles
1487.wonderwork- prodigy, miracle, thaumaturgy
1488.wone- custom, dwelling place or habit
1489. woolage- untidy hair
1490.woopie- well-off older person
1491.workshy- hating or avoiding work
1492.worksome-industrious
1493.worricrow- hobgoblin or scarecrow
1494.wrackful- destructive
1495.wretchock- the weakest of a breed
1496.wynd- narrow street or lane.
1497. Nuncle- to defraud
1498. Numquid- an inquisitive person
1499. Nubilate- to obscure
1500. Nowise- not at all
1501. Novercal- fear of one’s step mother
1502. Noxal- wrongful injury by animal or object of another
1503. Novantique- both old and new as a reparation of an ill-served problem
1504. Novalia- lands broughten under new cultivation
1505. Noometry- mind measurement
1506. nonpareil- of the utmost elegance or superlative stature
1507.noosphere- sum of human intellectual activity
1508. normalism- the state of being normal
1509. nosophobia- fear of disease
1510. nostrification- acceptance at a foreign university
1511. notalgia- back pain
1512. nothingarian- person who has no particular belief
1513 notarikon- making words from letters from someones sentence
1514. nomism- belief moral conduct comes from observance of laws
1515. nomocracy- a government based on the rule of law
1516 nocicepty- susceptibility to pain
1517. noema- stating something obscurely for others to figure out
1518. nexility- compactness of speech
1519. neritic- belonging to shallow waters near land
1520. neoteny- presence of puerile qualities among adults
1521. neorama- interior view of a building
1522. Neonomianism- the feeling that gospel abrogates existing laws
1523. obiter- in passing incidentally
1524. objectivism- the theory that all reality is objective
1525. objuration- the act of binding by an oath
1526. obmutescent- persistently silent
1527.obsecrate- to beseech or implore
1528. obtenebrate- to cast a shadow over
1529. obvolute- overlapped or twisted
1530. olid- rank smelling
1531.oligomania- an obsession with a few thoughts or ideas
1532. olivet- artificial pearl
1533. omniety- the state of being all (allness)
1534. omnigenous- of all kinds
1535. omniparity- general equality
1536 ontal- of like or pertaining to reality or existence
1537 operose- laborious or tedious
1538. ophelimity- ability to please sexually able to satisfy
1539. ophiuran- brittle star
1540. opiniaster- one who holds onto an opinion despite castigation
1541.optative- mood describing desire or wish
1542.orbific- creating the world
1543.orchesis- art of dancing and rhythmic movmenet
1544. orthodromics- sailing by most direct route
1545. orthian- high-pitched
1546. orthotropism-vertical growth
1547. ostiolate- having an opening
1548 otarine- pertaining to seals
1549 otosis- mishearing of speech
1550. outmantle- to exceed in dress or ornament
1551.outrance- the utmost extremity the bitter end
1552.outroop- auction
1553overflush- superfluity
1554.overhaile- to overtake or overpower
1555. owlery-place frequented by owls
1556. oxyacaesthesia- extreme sharpness of the senses
1557. parvanimity- smallness of mind
1558. parviscent- having little knowledge
1559. passiuncle- a lesser or minor passion
1560. pasigraphy- a system for universal writing
1561. patibulate- to execute by hanging
1562 patibulary- of or like the gallows
1563. peccable- liable to sin
1564. pedententous- proceeding slowly
1565. peirastic- experimental or tentative
1566. pejorism- severe pessimism
1567. peradventure- possibly
1568.percoct- well-cooked or overdone
1569. percurrent- running through the whole length
1570. percutient- having the power to strike or striking
1571. peregal- fully equal
1572.perenate- to survive from season to season on grumbling crumbs
1573.perruquier- a wigmaker
1574. perse- ark blue or bluish grey
1575. perseity- independent existence
1576.perpend-to weigh in the mind, to consider carefully
1577. personalism- the belief that all humans possess spiritual freedom
1578. personalia- personal details possessions or stories
1579. perstringe-to constraint, to censure
1580 pessimum- point of life least favorable to circumstances
1581. phanopoeia- visual imagery in poetry
1582. pharos- lighthouse or beacon
1583. phenogenesis- origination of racial groups
1584. philippic- a speech or writing full of bitter condemnation
1585. philistine- materialistic in outlook uncultured
1586. philocaly- lover of beauty
1587 philter- love potion or charm
1588. phonophorous- transmitting sound waves
1589. photaesthesia- sense of vision
1590.phototonus- sensitivity to light
1591.phrenesis- delirium or frenzy
1592. phylactic- defending against disease
1593. phylarchy- government by a certain class or tribe
1594. picine- resembling woodpeckers
1595.piend- a salient angle
1596 pigmentocracy- government by one skin color
1597.pigsconce- blockhead
1598. pigwash- ******* nonsense or poppycock
1599.pilgarlick- poor wretch; self-pitying person
1600. pisteology- science or study of faith pistiology
1601. placet- vote of assent in a governing body
1602. plafond- decorated ceiling
1603. planster- petty or poor planner
1604.plashy-full of pools or puddles marshy or boggy
1605. plebania- mother curch having authority over several other local churches
1606.plenum- space completely filled with matter
1607.pleonexia- greed or avarice
1608.pleroma- fullness and abundance
1609. plexus- network
1610. plexure-networ, web interweaving
1611.plutonomy- economics
1612poculation- drinking of alcoholic beverages
1613. poculent-fit for drinking
1614 pogonip- dense fog of suspended ice particles
1615.pogonophile- lover of beards
1616.pokerish- causing terror, uncanny
1617.poivrade- pepper sauce
1618.polemology- the study of war
1619. politicide- killing people based on political beleifs
1620. polyacoustic- amplifying sounds
1621.polyergic- having many functions  
1622. polydemic- native to several countries
1623. polyhistor- a person with exceptionally wide knowledge
1624.polyphiloprogenitive- very fertile very imaginative
1625. polypharmacy- the treatment with many medicines
1626. polyopia- multiple vision
1627. polypsychic- having several souls
1628.polysemant- a word with a variety of meanings
1629.pontist- bridge-builder
1630. popinjay- conceited person
1631. popple- to flow tumblingly to heave choppily
1632.porlocking- irritating intrusion or interruption
1633.porphyrogenitic- of royal birth
1634. portreeve- mayor
1635.postcenium- the part of the stage behind the scenery
1636. postulant- a candidate for a religious order
1637. potager- garden laid out to outmantle
1638.pother- choking smoke or dust, fuss, commotion
1639. potomania- alcoholism
1640. poudrin- small ice crystals
1641. pourboire- tip or gratuity
1642.pragmatica- royal edict that has nomothetic force
1643. pratal- grown in meadows
1644. preceptive- concerning rules of conduct law or precepts
1645. preciation- evaluation of value or price of thing
1646. preconcert- to settle beforehand
1647. pregustation- foretaste
1648.predestinarianism- the theory that time is fixed in design nothing can change
1649.predevote- foreordained
1650. prefulgent- extremely bright
1651. premotion- divine impulse determining the will
1652. premundane- period before earth existed
1653. prepone- to schedule earlier
1654. probabilism- belief that knowledge is probable but not certain
1655.procacity- petulance and insolence
1656procellous- stormy
1657. pro rata-proportionally
1658. probabiliorism- when in doubt one must choose most likely answer
1659. projectionism- some qualities are a mental projection
1660.proleptical- prehistoric
1661 profectitious- derived from a parent or ancestor
1662. prosodemic- contagious or infectious
1663. prosit- toast to good health
1664. protogenic- formed at the beginning
1665.guttersnipe-evil
1666. gawdelpus- evil
1667protervity- peevishness wantonness
1668.protistology- study of protests
1669. proreption- creeping attack or secretive advance of troops
1670. protensive-extensive in time or length
1671. protopathy- first or direct experience
1672. protoplast- original ancestor
1673.proxysm- close or near relationship
1674.pruritus- itching of the skin
1675. pseudography- inadequate spelling
1676. pseudolalia- incoherence of speech
1677.psilanthropism- the denial of Christ’s divinity
1678.psilosophy- shallow philosophy limited knowledge
1679. psychagogue- conductor of souls to the underworld
1680. psychalgia- mental pain or distress
1681.psychiasis- healing of the soul
1682.psychism- belief in a universal soul
1683.psychogony- development of mind or soul
1684.psychosophy-doctrine or theory of a soul
1685.psychorrhagy- separation of soul from body
1686. psychotaxis- alteration of mental outlook to suit personality
1687. psychurgy-mental function operation or energy
1688.pauperization- product of beggars (ptochogony)
1689.pucelage- virginity
1690.puericulture- child-rearing
1691. purlieu- persons usual haunts a neighborhood
1692.purpresture- encroachment on public property
1693.pushful-energetically enterprising
1694. pusillanimous- cowardly having a weak character
1695.putanism- prostitution lewdness
1696.pyrosis- heartburn
1697.pyrrhotism- state of being red-haired
1698. adiaphoron- something someone is theologically indifferent to
1699.anchorite- one withdrawn from the world for religious reasons
1700 archimandrite- head of monastery or convent
1701. autocephality- ecclesiastical self-government
1702. autotheism-belief that one is god incarnate or Jesus Christ
1703. auto-da-fe burning of a heretic
1704. calotte- a roman catholic skullcap
1705. camerlengo- a papal treasurer
1706. canticle- short holy song or sung prayer
1707. cartulary- keeper of monastic records
1708 catabaptism-belief in wrongness of infant baptism
1709. churchism- devotion to church rules over religious precepts
1710. compaternity- spiritual relationship between childs parents and godparents
1711. credo- concise statement of doctrine
1712. deodate- gift from god
1713. dyotheletism- belief that Christ had two wills
1714.ecclesiastry- affairs of the church
1715. epiclesis- calling on the holy spirit to consecrate the Eucharist
1716. eschaton- end of the world end-time
1717. exequy- funeral rites
1718.florilegium- anthology of writing by church fathers
1719. hassock- kneeling cushion in a church
1720. hieratical- priestly bound by religious convention
1721. housel- the Eucharist
1722. hyperdulia- veneration of ****** Mary above saints and angels
1723. jubilate- third Sunday after easter
1724.kirking- the first attendees after getting married
1725. Magnificat- canticle in praise of ****** mary
1726.manciple- steward of a college or monastery; purveyor
1727 monophysitism- belief that Christ was primarily divine but in human form
1728.monotheletism- belief Christ only had one will
1729. mystagogical- relating to religious initiation
1730. orison-prayer
1731. Parousia- the second coming of Christ
1732.passalorynchite- religious person who takes a vow of silence
1733. pericope- a passage read in liturgical ceremony (excerpt)
1734. pietism- unquestioning dogmatic devotion
1735. pneumatophany- appearance of a spirit especially the holy ghost
1736pneumatomachy- denial of divinity of holy ghost
1737. prebend- stipend for clergymen
1738 pseudepiscopy-  existence or rule of a spurious bishop
1738. rasophore- low ranking monk for Greek Orthodox
1739. requiescat – prayer for the dead
1740 rogation- asking for supplication especially ecclesiastically
1741. rood- cross or crucifix at the entrance of a church
1742. sacramentarianism- belief that sacraments have unusual powers
1743.sacrarium- a place where sacred objects are kept
1744.sigillum- the seal of confession
1745. simony- buying or selling ecclesiastical offices
1746 shrive- to hear a confession and give absolution to
1747. synod- council or assembly of religious people
1748 terce- prayer held at 9am
1749. theodidact- one who is taught by God a student of God
1750. theody- hymn in praise of God
1751. tremendum- feeling of ovewrhelimg awe associated with religious experience
1752. tritheism- belief members of trinity are separate Gods
1753. tropology- figurative language, moral interpretation of the bible
1754.ubiquitarianism- a belief that Christ is everywhere
1755. ultramontane- south of the alps supporting the pope
1756.undercroft- a crypt or vault under a church
1757. verger- church usher and attendant
1758 vicegod- derogatory term for the pope
1759 frankalmoign- land tenure requiring religious obligations on part of tenant
1760 galilee- porch in front of church
1761. eremite-hermit, religious recluse
1762. euchology- prayer book
1763. quizzacious- satirical
1764. quoz-absurd person or thing
1765.quoniam- female genitals
1766. mollycoddle-evil
1767. quod- prison
1768. quisquilious- made of *******
1769quisquous-perplexing, difficult to deal with
1770. quilombo- foreign settlement where slaves hide or fugitives
1771.  quidlibet- minor trivial point in argument
1772. quidditative- quirky, eccentric
1773. quiddle- a fastidious person
1774. questmonger- guy with job to collect inquests
1775.querulist- one who complains
1776. quantulate -to calculate the magnitude of
1777.quantulum-small quantity
1778.quantuplicity-relative magnitude of a quantity
Neologisms Part 1
1779Nauclatic (fairgoers): The deeply spiritually intertwined with nature just being introduced to the comforts of civilization
1780Rengall: Reified by concrete effrontery in discovery (Indiana jones)
1781flagstall: to lose national unity because of corruption
1782Escraven: timid in the usage of secret terminology
1783Glaggle: impress with gobbledygook that is divorced from substance
1784 Flagstag: an undue importance of inconsequential elections
1785 Fritty: someone who wastes their time
1786Gollumny: covetousness for a talisman
1787Akabu: deserted time-travelers stranded in the future or the past
1788kloffen: A placid body of water
1789Hermallop: dumping an uglier woman for a hotter one
1790 Radiohoo: fake top secret rap and pop music
1791 Radioglare: Menacing threats by objectionable musical trends
1792 Aushehotaria: Having an O.B.E. relationship
1793Wickersnatcher: Stolen time travel pirate goods/pirates
1794Slalem: navigating the esoteric in common contemplation
1795scroogid: Spoilsport based on false expectations
1796 Xenucography: Cryogenic attempts at eternal life
1797 Qwersy: too popular to be ****** with
1798Minimasque: No ***** given about poor people
1799Oxyholotron: specious time travel paradox
1800 Errid: poor mismanagement that leads to drought
1801 wavesnatcher: chronic pirate of obscure music
1802Niminal: sea monster of pain
1803Retrude: introducing obsolescence that is unplanned
1804Qart: art apportionment among museums
1805Grimsuetude: Morose temperament impaired deeply
1806Qwestun: Cast System of Extras
Vilium: Missing obvious ****** opportunities
Veridium: Success with women
laskerade: Free-for-all euphoric party
seguage: Connections among times
Hortosynchrony: simultaneously played chants
Vangermyte: Sycophant NSA agents that cozy up to the stock market
Primitude: first in line
primiventure: first expedition
quilldoten: keep it on wax
jengadangle: arbitrage based on financial collapse or playing the VIX
Chrenodendron: Ancient Time Traveler
Chrenodamiange: Near future time traveler to the past
Chrenoid: seen a time machine before
Chrystrenic: The pacification and mollification of sentiment
Jakatta: wisdom of the disguiseans
ugmentum: bad trends continuing
Jocknee: To worship sports
Hackencrude: Stupid vituperative pornographic sentiments
Gullarge: a large unassailed lie fed by the media
glawson: To browbeat with nepotism in legal cases
virecreant: A male person that never flirts with women
hollertrap: Announcing non-neutrality in a world that is divided
qwink: *** between celebrities
qwasthink: an intricate pattern of visualized words
Trocket: Synergized tree-minds meeting in one body
Squirebell: A formal diplomat
Yessurp: Codeine addict
Matrhine: A smart German
poiliosis: a fake disease that is artificial
Dubois: A teed to the nines gangster that robs the corrupt blind
Flissoid: Gloss, beauty, eloquence but nasty personal hygiene among women
Reskig: Sparing animals from painful slaughter
Salug: a salute that hurts your reputation
rainshod: oppressive cold winters in pacific nw
tinjesk: Poker-Faced villain
qwiss: Orgiastic non-contact make-outs
repcrevel: Venality on Wall-Street and the Capitol Building
drass: Useful lingerie
pinhoke: Cause an idea or a campaign to sink
ribbacle: A shibboleth of pretended intellect
fuly: auras of lightning on LSD
renvard: auras of synesthesia
plackique: sports memorabilia
ponkoss: beach-dweller
klipfrag: ancient movie footage
skrimch: haunted cities
roerik: kingpin of secrets
wespian: breezy fall leaves
rintinole: covert voyeurism
qaest: a fake life to replace a real one
brumble: fight among drunk people
bilkey: knowledge about the stock market insider information
wreggle: blackwashing history
hoyjoipolloi: free drugs and bubble-gum for every Canadian
qwartion: wicked schemes that involve abortion and clones
flipcrave: switching  drug cravens (tim tebow)
teaboat: to be aboard a flailing vessel before it gets ransacked by reason and logic
sollow: hollow and sadness percolating over a victim
strollow: people evil enough to deserve being alone
chenkenwhich: prestidigitation in fake time travel
glickstorm: a hail of gay ******* rick-rolling
wrikpond: The betting pool aggregate form at any casino
histeriological:someone who understands historical trends
tribance: Prerogatives of esoteric knowledge handed down to native americans
hilswop: changing nearby universities
slore: lore for mentally handicapped people
rigamorhole: the information about where elite people hang out
qazz: gurgling soda down
pleckigger: An agricultural apportionment of land that is rational and logical
Ruby-Tuesday-blues: song meaning
halliformatic: person who goes to heaven
squalorformatic: a person who goes to agony
fitterformatic: borderline on both
syvil: nurturing old people
jeccha: democrat trap
oinslew: a large catholic family
erlap: a short confiment
tawy: chewy and sweet
pordeg: high degree mason that is poor
kallince: shrieking with terror at movie theater
groussaints: best house music
rindkline: best EDM
wrepolis:city owned by musicians
ilkengor: similar military strategies
qwarth: wars fought for vain reasons
bracking nudes: ugly women naked *******
swarp: time warp speed
swarpollock: nonsensical UFO lie
WHOLOGANS: spies that always attend international matches between rival countries that get the best information
Gilvaringe: habitual injector of methamphetamine
webbdoodle: decline of kinesiology because of technology
twatterclap: frustration with writing
grangull: witty yet naïve
dormitage: finding the best AirBnB and roommate
wayspaying: reckless neutering of men by feminism
wartle: a slow war by a pathetic guerilla enemy
tranception: communication of souls in eternity
rittle: a mind-teaser for dumb people
Minkumpf: a book on animal genocide
pregromanging: predictive programming about cool fashions in the future
Shilluminatus: a fake illuminati person
Ralphiesque: Someone on the wrong side of history
cognoscenti: real illumination
whasper: Ghostly contact with ghouls
frimple: folding your clothese every day
Treecheese: money to be made in preserving rainforests
tattermedalion: pretended poor person that lives in poverty to disguise his wealth
flocksturr: focuses on avionics of top secret craft
panejectifron: time-travelers exiting their cars
pancledes: time travlers that can be identified
covertthow: an attempt by spies to gain more power
martle: someone too slow to survive on mars
marstion: foothold on habitable planet
wibble-wabble: tergiversation in high pressure situations
flipsquire:99th percentile IQ
frankquibber: 98th percentile IQ
cloveryield: the earnings of luck on aleatory circumstance
actsequlade: quaint TV sitcoms
gimply: with a great gait
fourteenfive:genius level intelligence
qwence: the place for elite people to congregate
Bilderberg: the crownpiece of kapstone paper that selects comfort lazily based on nepotism that worships enough owls until the decided date and that foists roosters to meet with clement (exceptionally) and inclement fate
frohemian: black hipsters
Effrogallant: Bold non-linear flirtation
Sart: coffin for poor people
Ralsk: secret underground subway system
riniguss: landlocked prosperity
tryme: corruption in court for poor people
whyern: beginning of stardom
marzarratea: Ghoulish time-travelers who talk too often
Awgrudge: underwhelming emotional reaction
Virtualasis: long-distance non-physical romance
qwask: infiltrate the untouchables
rijuice: A preordained outcome of an important game
Lagonagria: The uncertainty of scores even with prophetic insight
wopper: someone who is permanently oppressed
axile: carefully being cut or carved
tannen: that sins sometimes
pruke: ***** that comes from nausea that is forced
pluke: excessive absorption of new knowledge
ghallitosis: Fear of the unknown in time-travel
jimpster: a contactee by liaison with time travelers
sessomotto: rocketship
whilded: anticipation of death (thanatopsis)
praken: Aeolian winds of mythical divinity
mustreacle: expectations that are unrealistic that ruins lives
klangquant: making enemies of the aristocracy
pyer: effigy of a dead person bearing no blood
crabwhisker: when two people have such different associations they have no emotional propinquity and therefore can't relate to each other
prull it: implode a building
wetringle: droplets of vaginal fluid
cravvel: people with VD that pretend celibacy
revdection: the art of inventing new words to gain an advantage
trekleador: knowledge of the time before humans reigned supreme in sentience
grendelize: to use bewitched impediments to occlude progress
flivverscrape: to create an accident to moorganize someone
findrompscar: the culminated furtive workings of cryptaesthesia
lendrumbline: to use A/V technology to make people less intelligent
frivver: an unwarranted paranoia caused by misinformation provided by mendaciloquence
umjunction: the meeting of embattled tribes in common agreement for ulterior motives
1900. tabacosis- tobacco poisoning
1901. tabanid-blood ******* insect gadfly
1902. tabescent- wasting or shriveling
1903. tablature- mental image or picture
1904. tacenda- things to not be mentioned
1905.tach- link
1906tachism- painting by smearing or splattering
1907. tachymetry-measure of speed
1908.tachyscope- early cinematograph
1909. taeniacide- killing of tapeworms
1910.taghairm- ancient divination Scottish highlands
1911. tagmeme- analysis of arrangement of spoken elements
1912. talionic- retributive: like for like
1913. talaric-relating to the ankles
1914tanistry- succession by previously elected representative
1915. tantivy- at full gallop, headlong
1916.taphephobia- fear of being buried alive
1917tapotement- use of light taps in massage
1918. tarradiddle- senseless talk, nonsense
1919. tardigrade- slow-paced
1920. tartarology-beliefs about the underworld
1921.tastevin- wine-taster
Religious Lexicon Expansion
    1. Acquinesk- religious people distracted from religion
    2. Trimfeet- steadfast attuned devotees to God
1922. rackrent- excessive rent
1923. Rabelaisian- coarsely hilarious
1924. rach- dog that hunts by scent
1925.racemiferous-bearing clusters or bunches
1926.raciology- study of racial differences
1927.racloir- scraper used by early hominids
1928.radicated-rooted, established
1929.radiciform- like a root’
1930. radicolous- living on roots
1931.raffish-disreputable, ******
1932. ragabash-idle worthless fellow
1933.ragmatical- wild, ill-behaved
1934.raisonneur- a person in a play or book or movie embodying authors viewpoint
1935.ramate- branched
1936.ramellose- having small branches
1937.rampallion- scoundrel or villain
1938.rampick- dead tree or tree decayed at top
1939.ranarian- froggy
1940. rand- border, edge or margin
1941.randan- uproar, din, riotous conduct
1942.rangiferine- pertaining to reindeer
1943. rannygazoo-foolish nonsense
1944.rantipole- wild or disorderly
1945.rantize- to sprinkle with water in baptism
1946.rarisssima- extremely rare books
1947.rasorial-scraping the ground for food
1948.rath- prehistoric hill fort
1949.rathe-quick; early; eager
1950.ratten-to practice sabotage advance
1951.ravelin- detached work with two embankments
1952. razzmatazz-meaningless talk; hype; nonsense
1953.reast- to become rancid
1954.rebec- medieval in terms of music
1955.reboant- marked by reverberation, resounding
1956.rebus- picture puzzle resembling a word
1957.recadency- relapsing into old habits
1958. recense- to revise critically
1959.recoct- to cook again
1960.rectiserial-in vertical ranks
1961.redargue-to refute or confute
1962.redhibition- return of a defective product or cancellation of a sale
1963.redintegrate- to make whole again or to restore (esp of mind)
1964.redivivus-resuscitated come to life again
1965. redshort- brittle at red heat
1966.reductionism- belief that the complex can be simplified in terms of phenoms
1967.reflation- increase in economic activity
1968.refocillate-to refresh or cherish
1969.refugium- an area that retained earlier geographical conditions
1970.regelation- freezing together again
1971.regalism- monarch head of church affairs
1972.regius- royal
1973.reguerdon- to reward
1974.regreet- to exchange greetings
1975.regula- rule of a religious order
1976.regulus- an impure metal (bad sounding metal band)
1977. reinfund- to flow in again
1978.rejoinder- sharp and clever answer
1979.relache-relaxation, rest, no performance
1980. relationism- doctrine that relationships between entities are entities themselves
1981reliabilism- justified belief is reached by reliable cognitive processes
1982. relume- to light up or light up again
1983.remontant- flowering more than once per season
1984.remora- delay or obstacle
1985.renverse- to reverse or upset
1986.reprehend- to rebuke
1987.reptant- creeping, crawling
1988. repunit- number consisting of two or more identical integers
1989.requiescat- prayer for the dead
1990. retiform- shaped like a net
1991.resistentialism- the humorous theory that inanimate objects display malice towards human (or compassion)
1992.resofincular- resembling a wire hangar
1993.restiform- shaped like a cord
1994.retrad- backward
1995.retrocede- to move backwards in time or in thought
1996.retrocognition- extrasensory knowledge of past events
1997.retrogress-moving backwards, degeneration
1998.retromorphosis- turning for the worse
1999.retrophilia- love of past things or things past
2000. revalorize- to restore the value of a currency
2001.revet- to face with masonry
2002.rhabdos-magic wand
2003.rhathymia- personality factor leading to optimism and cheerfulness
2004.rheme- speech element that expresses an idea
2005.rhinocerial- very heavy weight or burden
2006.rhipidate- fan-shaped
2007.rhizic- the root of an equation
2008.rhizogenic-producing or growing roots
2009.rhombos- bull-roarer
2010.rhonchial-pertaining to snoring
2011.rhypophagy- eating filth
2012.riant-laughing merry
2013.rictus- gaping mouth or orifice
2014.ridgeling- half castrated animal
2015.rillet- small brook or stream
2016. rimple- to wrinkle
2017.riometer- device for measuring absorbed cosmic radio waves
2018.risorgimento-revival: rebirth
2019.rivage- shore or bank
2020.roborant- strengthening drug or tonic
2021.roborate- strengthen or corroborate
2022.roche- rock or cliff; a rocky height
2023.rom- a gypsy man
2024.romage- tumult
2025.roodge- to push or lift with effort
2026. rookery- state of confusion
2027.rosarium- rose-garden
2028.rottack- ******* or nonsense
2029.roturier- plebeian
2030.roue-man devoted to life of pleasure a rake
2031.rubinetto- faucet
2032.rubricality- a ceremony
2033.rubster- lesbian
2034.ruffianize- to behave violently
2035.runagate-fugitive or vagabond
2036.rundle- rung of ladder
2037.runcinate- having irregular serrated saw-toothed divisions (pleonasm)
2038. ruptile- easily breakable
2039. Sabbatarian- one who keeps the sabbath strictly
2040. sabliere- sand pit
2041.sacerdotalism- belief that priests are necessary mediators between God and man
2042.sacrarium- place where sacred objects are kept
2043. salsipotent- ruling the salt seas
2044.saltant- leaping or dancing
2045.saltative- able to jump
2046.samaj- Hindu religious assembly
2047. sanctanimity- holiness of mind
2048.sanguisugent- blood-*******
2049.saprodontia- tooth-decay
2050.sarcoid- flesh-like
2051. sapwood-soft tissue beneath the bark of a tree
2052.sarcophilous- fond of flesh
2053.sative- cultivated
2054.satnav- satellite assisted navigation
2055.sauterelle- mason’s tool for making angles
2056.saxifragrous- breaking stones
2057.scambling- haphazard meal
2058.scandent- climbing
2059.scaramouch- ruffian; scoundrel
2060.scarp-to make steep
2061.scavage-refuse scavenged from the roads
2062. scepsis- philosophical doubt
2063.schizogenesis-reproduction by division
2064.schizotrichia-splitting of hair (hair-splitting pedantic)
2065.schoenabatic- rope-walking
2066.scholiast-writer of marginal notes
2067.sciaphobia- fear of shadows
2068.scientaster- petty scientist
2069.sciolism- superficial pretensions to knowledge
2070. sciomancy- divination using ghosts
2071.sciosophy-system of knowledge without basis in science
2072.scobiform- like sawdust
2073.scopophilia- ****** pleasure from seeing things
2074.scortation- fornication
2075.scribacious- given to writing
2076.scride- to crawl on all fours
2077.scrim- durable fabric that is plain
2078.scrimshank-to evade work or duty
2079. scriniary-keeper of archives
2080.scrivello- elephant’s tusk
2081.scrow- scroll of writings
2082.scullion-mean contemptible person
2083.scutage- tax on a knight’s fee
2084.sebastomania- religious insanity
2085.secodont- to having cutting teeth
2086.secretum-private seal
2087. secundine-afterbirth
2088.sederunt- sitting of a court; gathering long discussion
2089.segnity- sluggishness, slothfulness
2090.seismotic- causing earthquakes
2091.sejungible- able to be disjoined
2092.selenic- pertaining to the moon
2093.selenocentric- prizing the moon above the earth
2094.selenolatry- worship of the moon
2095.sematic- serving for recognition, attraction or warning
2096.semese- half-eaten
2097.seminative-producing growth
2098.seminule-small seed or spore
2099.sempervirent- evergreen, always fresh
2100. senectitude-old-age
2101. sennet- musical fanfare
2102.sensiferous- conveying sensation (of a machine)
2013.sententia- opinion or aphorism
2103. sept-division of a tribe (clan)
2104. sepulchral-funereal: dismal and gloomy
2105 septiferous- having barriers
2106 septemfluous-in seven streams
2017. seraglio- harem
2108.serific- silk-producing
2019.serology- study of sermons
2110. serotinous- flowering late
2111.servilism- system of slavery or serfdom
2112. shail- to shamble to stumble
2113.shambolic- chaotic
2114. Shearling- one year old sheep
2115. shend- to destroy or ruin, disgrace or corrupt
2116. sheol- hell a place where they dead live a shadowy existence
2117. shroff- to test money to check for impurities
2118.sibylline- prophetic, oracular
2119.sicarian- murderer assassin
2120. siderism- belief stars influence human affairs
2121. sigillum- seal of confession
2122. sillograph- one who writes satires
2123.silvics- study of a trees life
2124.silviculture- growing of trees
2125. simony- buying or selling ecclesiastical offices
2126. simultagnosia- inability to see the fragments of the whole
2127.sipe- to percolate or ooze through
2128. situla -a holy bucket
2129. skaw- low cape or headland
2130. skelder- to beg, swindle or cheat
2131. skellum- villain, rascal, scoundrel
2132. skerry- small rocky islands
2133.skeuomorph- retained but no longer functional stylistic feature
2134. skewbald- patches of white and some other color
2135. slade- little valley or dell
2136. slatternly- slovenly
2137. sleech- slimy mud
2138. slummock- to move slowly or awkwardly
2139. slurvian- slurred speech
2140. smalt- deep-blue
2141.smaragdine- emerald green
2142. snift- to blow out steam
2143. sociocracy- government of society as a whole
2144. sociogenesis- origin of human societies
2145. soilure- stain or pollution
2146. solatium- something given as compensation for a suffering or loss
2147. soldatesque- soldier-like
2148. solifidianism- faith alone saves the soul theory
2149. soligenous- produced by the sun
2150. sollevation- insurrection
2151.solonist- wise man
2152.somatasthenia- weakness of the body
2153. sonance- sound of instrument
2154. sondage- trial bore of excavation; sounding out an opinion
2155. soothfast- truthful or honest
2156.sopite- to dull, lull, put to sleep or end something
2157. soporose- sleepful
2158. soroche- mountain sickness
2159.sottisier- collection of jokes, quotes or ridiculous remarks
2160. souteneur- prostitutes **** or bully
2161.souterrain- underground house
2162.spadassin- swordsman or fighter
2163. spado- impotent person or animal (castrated)
2164. spancel- to hobble
2165. spansule- tr capsule
2166. spargosis- swelling
2167. speciesism- humans more important than others ans
2168.speciocide- killing species
2169.spelean- cave-dwelling
2170. speos- ancient Egyptian cave temple
2171.sphairistic- tennis-playing
2172.spheterize- to make ones own or appropriate, arrogate
2173. sphygmodic- pulsating
2174.spicate-spiked
2175.spinosity- thorniness
2176. spinney- corpse or small clump of trees
2177.spirate-voiceless
Neologisms Part IV
Bruption: the end of a phone call because of an awkward or sensitive topic
Reninjasque: Complete mastery of emotional intelligence
Frikmag: The ability to distinguish fake and real news
Raltention: the strength of an idea to be communicated in all languages
Epinger: A buzzword with a double-meaning
Writhose: Escaping an embarrassing situation with tact that doesn’t offend
Grivvy: Attuned to the cosmos through psychedelics
Halldorn: A suppression of libido caused by qualms
Fregget: To promise quixotic gratuities to win votes
Ragtagger: Someone whose superstitions outweigh common sense
Hortoriginality: An idea independently conceived that mirrors another ideation by accident working independently
Synquest: Asking a coded question meant to elicit a secretive idiolect response
Fraverscribble: To invent a hobgoblin for mediagenic hyperboles to divide societies based on psephology or an otherwise foofaraw concept to transfix the news
Fravvel: Encrypted messages hidden in the newsworthy on mediagenic channels
Wertong: Rich people that are exclusive in their luxuriance that don’t care about the poor
Demasque: Evil corruption that is inescapable because of internet censorship
Fondink: Pellucid writing meant to appease simpletons and obey orthopraxy in language even when you are capable of much more ennobled speech
Histrinkage: The ability to surpass the average alien species in terms of communicative intelligence
Weatrean: Personal prosperity derived from behaving as your authentic self
Wretcheen: Personal prosperity derived from being a wagtail conformist who disguises their true inclinations
Trinkochre: An ugly scene that inspires people to compassion or pity
Treony: Someone who pretends to care about civil rights but only does so to pander to common decency
Whitelash: anger by white supremacists at minorities for no good reason
Estrockentch: The manipulation of men by attractive women who play mind games circumducted around personal conceit, a testy affair of tentative persiflage
Astroud: the strong voice of an opinionated leader that is simultaneously a hollertrap because it is so strongly tilted in one direction or another
Lazaretta: the cloyed fame of celebrity leading to subpar movies or music
Denoratum: The excessive charity of the rich to help charities that matter to the third-world rather than just first-world problems
Mendoratum: Someone who donates generously but only for first-world problems
Inkthorn: a misspoken vituperative overreach against someone who appears like an enemy when they are actually a friend
Frethorn:mind control that seeks to cadge you into lewdness beyond your normal inclination to subvert someone beneath the bailiwick of corporatism
Ashowel: a disaster foreseen that is avoided by both prescience and surveillance
Vowelinger: a glare of contempt from someone who pretends you don’t matter or exist
Retchination: highlighting someone’s flaws above their virtues
Propinkiquenege: Someone who pretends to be for womens rights or gay rights but actually only does it to seem ‘woke”
Pytherian: able to flirt on an intellectual level but dissociated from common rules of dating
Artrench: a lasting work of virtuosity widely emulated even in garbology
Swirk: to work rapidly and elegantly on a complicated problem
Asterongue: someone whose position of stature is a mediagenic creation rather than a reflection of true talent or someone who cheats their way into the elite by being a pickthank
Estander: a lonely incel who is attractive but shy
Zillium: a dramatic terrorist attack that forces exigency
Dranger: Indignation because of psychiatric injustice
Vinsky: Power derived from integrity and talent
Weedledge: contaminated marijuana designed by the DEA to get people off of drugs
Kinkativy: momentary lapse of chastity in the throes of lewdness
Sweedle: to borrow excessively from someone else and then take credit
Arentrum: The ability to console the sick and the disconsolate with honesty and petitions of prayer
Crudenzy: the end of a faddish but simplistic vogue by the introduction of succedaneum
Porster: a fake vaccine given to influential people or their families to induce autism or genetic mutations unfavorable
Risctender: to endanger someone’s safety for a monetary gain especially a petty gain
Dengonin: underground band or corporation that knows everything about the future
Gentincture: rewarding people with good genes the best business ideas and the highest positions in Hollywood
Gentink: marrying someone because they are a genetic match
Hallswallop: the spread of a secret beyond the intended reach at great peril to society
Fliction: myths created by movies about the future
Swandamo: someone who is popular only because they are photogenic
Effleck: temporary state of mind that doesn’t define a person
Sertivine: Genetically engineered athletes
Denostram: a period of temptation by evil forces that must be resisted
Gollendary: someone with perfect scores on standardized tests
Wernique: someone skilled at understanding but not creating anything new
Flinker: a deep bout of depression after a break-up
Tortivinity: a deep-seated ignorance derived from a jaundiced upbringing
Draksting: a racially motivated arrest or crime against minorities for racial reasons
Hindermangle: a relationship that is hard to get out of even when combative
Intonorous: preoccupied so much with something else they don’t understand what is being said to them both verbally and nonverbally
Timespun: the alteration of the past by the future as a theoretical possibility
Toonardical: the mass deception of resourceless older people or dullards by spoon-fed mediagenic hyperbole into taking a political position
Kisswonk: a lucky break in a dangerous situation to personal repute
Hibble: to obganiate a talking point until it becomes so hackneyed it gets replaced by another talking point
Yentrify: to make clothing more modest and people meeker by cultural impediments
Flapdoon: to obsess yourselves with eccentric fascinations leading to incongruity with your social group
Grimsuetude: encounters with death that make you more scared of dying
Manoore: the dirt on powerful people derived from spying on them using compact devices
Narquiddity: the feeling of empty painlessness at the expense of obligation
Traindeque: to inculcate a bricolage of civility in a less acculturated person by brainwashing them
Fliphaven: to migrate to a smaller town because of a relationship
Frinteran: someone who willingly gives another person cancer to spite them
Nyejay: a purposeless person bent on convincing the world it has no purpose
Bernacle: someone who abandons integrity to gain power
Wernaggle: an annoying querulousness about a topic that is boring
Yimpoke: to talk to a friend you haven’t heard from for a while
Junediggle: the giddy feeling of being on an extended holiday without obligations
Trayne: modifying an environment so it is more socially suitable to both humans and other species
Frackling: someone who suppresses free speech because of misguided utopianism
Cackloney: a toxic substitute medication passed off as a brand name pill by disguising its appearance that ruins the mind or the health of an individual
Dontolesque: knowing more about the past than how to handle the present
Gribbean: someone that alters their rhetoric and sacrifices integrity to please any crowd he visits
Sveldtang: hidden messages in music that are almost inaudible
Excorify: to expose hidden meanings in art
Fustilugianate: to use mind control to **** intelligence by vibronic waves
2179. systematology- study of systems
2180 syntonomy- brevity, conciseness
2181. syntagma- organized body or group.
2182. syrt- quicksand
2183.synoecy- association of one species to benefit one species only
2184. syngenesis- ****** reproduction
2185. synsematic- having no meaning outside of a specific context
2186. syngraph-contract signed by all parties
2187. synectics- study of process of invention
2188. syncrisis- comparison of diverse or contradictory things
2189.synclastic- curved in all direction towards a singular point
2190.synaxarion- the account of a saint’s life
2191.synanthy- growing together of two flowers
2192. synaesthesis-harmony of different impulses from a work of art
2193. synallagamtic- mutually or reciprocally obligatory; bilateral
2194. syndicalism- doctrine of direct worker control of capital
2195.synechodochial-broadened or narrowed in interpretation
2196.synechthry- cohabitation of hostile species
2197. splenitive-ill-tempered splenetic
2198.spondulicks- available money or funds
2199. sprauncy- smart, dapper
2200.springal- active man or youth
2201.spumid- frothy, foamy
2202.spuria- spurious works
2203.squaloid- pertaining to sharks
2204.squandermania- irrational propensity for profligate spending
2205. staddle-support for a haystack
2206. staffage- decorative accessories or addition to work of art
2207.stasiarch- ringleader in sedition
2208. stasiology- study of political parties
2209.statolatry- worship of the state
2210.steganography- writing in a secret, hidden, encoded manner
2211.stegmonth- period of recuperation after childbirth
2212.stegophilist- one who climbs buildings for sport
2213. stellify- to set amongst the stars
2214.stenoapaeic- with a narrow opening
2215. steven- outcry, loud call
2216.stigmatophilia- obsession with tattoos
2217.stirpiculture- selective breeding
2218.stiver- something of little or no value
2219. stoichiometry- measurement of proportions in chemical reactions
2220.stodge- to cram, stuff or gorge with food
2221.storge- natural or parental affection
2222.stotious- drunk
2223. stramineous- strawy, light, worthless; straw-colored
2224.stratarchy- rulership of an army
2225.stratous- in layers
2226.strepsis- twisting
2227.stridor- harsh shrill sound
2228.strigine- owl-like pertaining to owls
2229.struthious- pertaining to ostriches
2230.strobic- appearing to spin or like a spinning top
2231. structuralism- theory that emphasizes structure or order of ideas to produce meaning
2232. suaviloquence- pleasing or agreeable speech
2233.sub dio- outdoors in open air
2234. sub rosa- secrety in confidence
2235.subaerial-in open air
2236.subaltern- ranked quantitatively but not qualitiatively
2237.subhastation- sold in a public auction
2238.subfocal- of something which someone is only dimly aware
2239.subfusc- dusky, somber
2240. subjoin- to add at the end or afterwards
2241.subniveal- under snow
2242.subnubilar- under clouds
2243.subreption- misrepresentation or false deduction
2244.substitutionalism- theory that memory substitutes for independent reality of past experiences
2245.substratose- imperfectly stratified
2246.substruct- to build beneath to lay a foundation
2247.subsultus- convulsive movement
2248.subtrist- somewhat sad
2249.subturbary- under turf
2250.subvention- granting money in aid
2251.succenturiate- to supply what is lacking to supplement
2252.succiferous- producing sap
2253.succorrhoea- excessive secretion
2254.succus- juice extracted from plant
2255.sudation- sweating
2256 suede- light beige
2257.sufflaminate- to check, obstruct or block
2258.suffragan- assistant bishop
2259.suicidology- study of suicide
2260.suidian- of or pertaining to pigs
2261.sulcate- with grooves or furrows
2262.summa- comprehensive treatise
2263.sumpsimus- a correct expression that replaces a popular but wrong one
2264.sumptuary- pertaining to expense or extravagance
2265.supercalender- to give high polish to
2266.supercargo- ship official in charge of business affairs
2267. supercherie- deception, hoax, fraud
2268. superfetate- to conceive during pregnancy
2269. superfetation- superabundant production or accumulation
2270.superfuse- to pour over
2271.superjection- exaggeration or hyperbole
2272.supersensible- beyond physical perception, spiritual
2273.supersolid- magnitude of more than three dimensions
2274.suq- middle-eastern marketplace
2275. surbate- to bruise from walking
2276. surcuigerous- producing suckers
2277.surd- irrational number
2278.surdomute- deaf-mute
2279. surexcitation- excessive excitation
2280.surquedry- arrogance
2281.suscept- host of a parasite
2282. swage- groove, grooved shaping tool
2283 swale- marshy hollow depression or meadow
2284. sward-portion of land covered by grass
2285.swasivious- agreeably persuasive
2286.sweven- vision in  a dream
2287. swink- to toil or labor
2288.swive- to **** a chick
2289.swoopstake- in an indiscriminate manner
2290.sybil- female prophet, hag, witch
2291.sympatric- occupation of same regions but not breeding
2292.symphily- living together for mutual benefit
2293.symphoric-accident prone
2294. symposiast- participant at conference
2295. taupe- brownish-grey
2296.tauricide- killer of a bull
2297.taurine -of or pertaining to bulls
2298.tautochronous- lasting the same amount of time
2299. taxeme- a basic unit of systems of classification
2300. tecnology- teaching of children
2301.teen- injury or grief
2302.teg- sheep in its second year
2303.tegmen- covering or shell
2304.tegminal- covering or protecting
2305.tegular- like overlapping tiles or slates
2306.telaesthesia- perception of events taking place far away
2307.telegony- influence of prievous mate on offspring or current one
2308.telenergy- application of a spirit energy at a distance
2309.telesis- making use of natural or social pressures for a goal
2310.telestic-pertaining to or like mysteries
2311;.telmatology-study of swamps
2312.telodynamic- pertaining to transmission of power to a distance
2313.teloteropathy- telepathy between persons
2314.temenos- place dedicate to a god, a sacred precinct
2315.temerarious- rashly or presumptuously daring
2316.temperative- having a moderative influence
2317.tempestive- timely or seasonal
2318.temporicide- killing time
2319.tendentious- designed to advance a cause
2320.tentation- experiment by trial and error
2321.tentigo- priapism, morbid lasciviousness
2322.tenue- bearing, carriage, manner of dress
2323.terriginous- earth-born derived from the land
2324.terreplein-top of a rampart where guns are mounted
2325.testamur- certificate of passing an examination
2326.thalposis- sensation of warmth
2327.thanatism-belief soul dies with the body’
2328.thanatousia- funeral rites
2329.thanatophobia- fear of death
2330.thelemic- allowing people to do as they wish
2331.thelemite- libertine
2332. theodicy- defense of goodness in the face of evil
2333.theopneustic- divinely inspired
2334.theotherapy- faith healing
2335.theriac- antidote to venomous bites
2336.theriology- animal worship
2337.thermogenesis-production of heat
2338.thermolabile- easily decomposed by heat
2339.thermolysis- decomposition caused by heat
2340. thermaesthesia- sensitivity to temperature
2341.thesmothete- law-giver
2342. theurgy- miracles by good spirits or magic
2343.thooid- like a wolf
2344.thole- to endure and suffer
2345.thumomancy- divination by ones own soul
2346.thyestean- cannibalistic
2347.thymogenic- due to emotion
2348.thymopathy- mental disorder
2349.tigerism- swagger
2350.tigrine- pertaining to tigers
2351.tilth- agricultural work
2352.tingent- adding colour having the ability to tinge
2353.tisicky- wheezy, asthmatic
2354.titivate- to dress or spruce up
2355.tittup- to walk in an affected manner or prancing mincingly
2356.tocophobia- fear of pregnancy or childbirth
2357.togated- wearing a toga dignified
2358. toman- 10,000
2359.tonitruous- thundering
2360.toparch- ruler of a district
2361. tophaceous- gritty
2362. topophobia- stage-fright
2363.torpefy- to make numb or paralyze
2364.torpillage- ect
2365.torrefy- to roast with heat
2366.tortious- committing a wrongful deed
2367.tovarish-comrade
2368.tracasserie-turmoil
2369.traduce-­ defame or slander
2370.tralatition- metaphor
2371. trangam-showy or worthless article
2372.transmigrationism- belief soul passes into another body after death
2373.transvolation- flying higher than normal
2374.tremogram- irregularity in handwriting
2375.tribade- lesbian
2376.*******- lesbian ******* in *******
2377.trichoid- hairlike
2378.triduan- lasting three days
2379.trieteric- occurring in alternate years
2380.tristiloquy- mournful manner of speech
2381.troat- toe bellow like a roaring buck
2382. tropophilous- flourishing in seasonal extremes of the climate
2383.trouvaille- fortunate find
2384.trucage- faking works of art
2385.trucidation- slaughter
2386.trumpery- showy nonsense chicanery
2387. tuism- theories that humans have two selves
2388.tunicate- to cover with layers
2389.turncock- valve for regulating water flow
2390.turnverien- athletic club
2391.turriform- shaped like a tower
2392.tutiorism- doctrine that one should take the safer moral course
2393.twizzle- to swirl or spin
2394.typhlophile- one who is kind to the blind
2395.typhonic- tornadic or whirlwind like
2396.uberous- yielding abundant milk
2397.ubication- condition of being in a certain location
2398.ubique- everywhere
2399.ughten- morning twilight
2400.ullagone- cry of lamentation at a funeral
2401.uloid- like a scar
2402.ultimation-act of bringing to a conclusion
2403.ultimogeniture- inherited by last son
2404.ultrafidian- going beyond faith
2405.ultradian- of cycles longer than an hour but shorter than a day (natural biological)
2406.ultrageous-violently extreme
2407.ultroneous- spontaneous, voluntary
2408.unasinous- being equally stupid
2409.uberufen- exclamation to avert ill luck following boasting
2410.unconsentaneous- not in agreement
2411.uncial- pertaining to an inch or an ounce
2412.underbreath- subdued voice, rumor
2413.unicity- uniqueness oneness
2414.unicornic- resembling a unicorn
2415.unipotent- powerful in one direction only
2416.universalism- autocatastasis
2417. unligable- unable to be bound together
2418.upas-poisionous or harmful institution or influence
2419.uranophobia- fear of heaven
2420.urbacity- excessive pride in one’s city
2421.urbarial- founded on registered property
2422.urman- swampy pine forest
2423.ursicide- killing of a bear
2424.usance- habit or custom
2425.usitative- constituting a usual act
2426.usucaption- acquisition of property by long usage and enjoyment
2427. usufruct- the right to use and enjoy something
2428.utile- profitable and useful
2429.utinam-earnest wish or desire
2430. uberty- fruitfulness, abundant productiveness
2431.ubity- place or locality
Neologisms Part V
Findrouement: to realize the excesses of hedonism by personal experience to motivate your qualms
Egintoch: Puritanism enabled by Churchism of eisegesis of the bible that is overly restrained
Wamzel: Someone whose peccatiphobia outweighs their ability to adventure with moderate restraint
Artwrench: Someone whose art is diminished by conformity of the broader world of kitsch
Efflamen: A celebrity who is rarely heralded or held in high esteem because of social pressures
Drimple: a cute personal eccentricity only observed after a long-time dating
Flarmey: A hardly newsworthy event designed to enslave people to a narrative that are dull
Trimscreet: Someone obsessed by petty details of organization and neat habits
Troudasque: A pertinacious flirt who goes straight to the point for ****** encounters
Alienavesce: The act of self-distancing yourselves to people with bold intellects
Yundimber: Self-sabotage by being too conscientious of oneself
Potvagrant: someone who becomes a different person when drunk than sober
Gimdermang: an obsessive visagist of the English Language who is unsatisfied even with satisdiction
Tralleyripped: so obsessed with vanity as a girl that they never start conversations unless asked
Grindole: someone who rarely smiles even in beatific circumstance
Trinkadour: someone enslaved by an acquisitive mindset of proffered consumerism
Tytanium: the alchemy of ill-fated love that ends poorly because of excessive initial fascination
Cordslave: someone so tethered to technology they forget the intellectual world because of diversion
Indentilation: craving for desperate attention by signaling through social media or otherwise
Hambasket: a comfort-eater who gains weight because of depression
Gourdinance: a euphoric interlude in a rock music song that is plangent with euphoria
Slellum: a mediocre part of a good song that turns people away
Terresting: someone imprisoned by mundane considerations and myopia rather than providence
Flargentum: hidden meanings in songs widely missed because they are obscure or unexpected
Porlecked: a feeling you get when you realize someone is insincere or just plain stupid
Nimongue: rapid-fire insight expressed elegantly to impress people
Flargent: so domineered by aleatory lability that their lives become soap-operas of histrionics
Deskandent: the tedium of working menial jobs especially when overqualified
Ertiminasque: the inelegant narrative fiction of the commonplace used to usurp the sciamachies of reality
Whartonize: to turn independent minded people into smug elitists through indoctrination
Transekond: a song that is memorialized because of hedonistic sprees of youth remembered in nostalgia
Frappern: the alteration of musical appreciation caused by having an audience of discriminative listeners
Slivverdeck: crafty gambles based on nothing but intuitive instinct that prove rotten
Fatewrench: a slow corrosion of faith based on nothing more than bad happenstance
Rindstretch: a situation where there are no possible people to talk to that are single
Clorence: a devoted sincerity to every facet of love imaginable: complete devotion
Grimscravel: a delight in histrionics as a social engineering gambit because of rampant stupidity
Flagstench: the moral opprobrium of jingoistic circumstance that arouses countermanded hatred
Redstrall: the opposition and isolation of Republican white men by feminists and liberals
Bluepomp: the bumptious belief that progressive onolatry is a ‘woke’ witeless movement that should be obeyed with hortatory even violent force
crinkman: a prophet blessed by God to deliver new wisdom
Waterdrip: the tortuous progression of time leading to a certain preordained outcome
kendarme: when everyone knows who you are but pretend otherwise esp. for corruption
finkly: being powerless to change circumstances
ergotall: a big consequence to a minor action in a positive direction
ergotile: a small consequence to a big action in either a positive or negative direction
flarium: music that traveled to the past from the present or the future
thillore: subpar art that receives rave reviews because it is flippant and no other reason
stringoche: insular self-obsession
frizzlounge: a popular spot for status-obsessed patrons
hyjamb: a gridlock in Washington D.C. by design
hikkle: rejection of popular consensus on wall street (usu. To great personal gain)
arknick: a frenzy common to only one of several urban areas because of provincial paroxysm’
reginkeer: the threshold of trust needed to sustain an intimate relationship
trimpoline: buoyant because of good looks or constant luck
Esauline: someone who trades their birthright to corporate slavery
Jolk: the obsession with foofaraw on the internet
Jolker: someone who does dangerous or stupid things to get internet famous
wrathcheque: money made off of a disaster especially artificial
wragatek: evil technocracy seeking biometrics on everyone
wragapole: overpowering docile stupidity that makes humanity easier to tame
qwippa: someone powerful who is poor
zenkidu: antediluvian knowledge that survives
harprick: to use incisive reasoning to demoralize an opponent in an argument
harraitim: the people that believe I am a prophet
graklon: the people that are trying to enslave me
graklongeur: intellectual persecution instituted from the top-down
trillom: fake activism done for propinquenege
drawflark: an overstated estimate of sea water levels caused by climate change (both sun and man)
retchallop: to dehumanize someone by enlisting the giant tortoise with hackencrude
retchanvil: to be an outspoken critic of a topic considered tacenda but imponent on all affairs
wipple: a minor moral mistake overstated for expediency
dratrenk: a lucrative trend created by venality
yording: a former believer who has flagging faith
francketor: a complete genius at metacognition
whindmast: a very sharp conversationalist in all circumstances
gentreng: something vogue to honest intellectuals but few others
wesperm: unfavorable situation for men in general
chawme: catchy low-key deep house for quiet moments
trikongue: making dishonest promises in an election
tallespin: to gloat over victory in a videogame
troponder: challenging the limits of imagination that goes too far astray from reality
underminnow: misrepresentation by a brief soundbite
ryesolagnus: someone who uses LSD
frapplank: a profligate gambler who wastes his family fortune
intorgurent: someone who overstates the value of ritual (especially ritualized contrition)
hinkerg: an obstacle to obtaining power
inslambous: a predatory flirt with so-called ‘toxic masculinity’
jamble: to bet a small wager on a risky bet
fropollow: a sedentary **** smoker who prefers solitude
trimkoppa: a warped parent who teaches non-binary values
florew: a mathematical or logistic axiom that is believed to be correct but turns out to be incomplete or arranged in an insufficient way to pave the future
alloreck: the downsides to being famous (privacy especially)
flipcreek: change of TV or media habits
commerstargal: the incubation of TV commercials in your head affecting buying decisions
spikelund: betting on the stock market based on the names of the companies involved
flonky: 50s era nostalgic feel relating to a pop culture artifact
resselenque: the examination of high art  by modern standards
stigstall: a stalemate between nefarious forces and righteous ones that limits the extent of thaumaturgy
crosslinger: a prominent leader of religious devotion without a formal title
errundle: a desultory way of comportment that leaves you stranded
brocrawler: someone with very heightened expressive intelligence that isn’t a wernique
flindagger: someone whose preoccupation with *** damages their conduct
stretchgrave: people from the past who knew in detail about artifacts from the future
hamparthia: someone recovering from a personal defect in a heroic way
presstungular: a code of conduct that restrains mediagenic disclosure that everyone agrees on tacitly
rapknock: impediments and obstacles to fame based on circumstance and pedigree only
floundrewl: conditioned to believe that people that die in disasters or otherwise deserved death or otherwise wouldn’t be missed
yeltincture: the disadvantage of being vocal about provincial issues
flambaste: to discover personal secrets and use them as an overhang to compel obeisance
grambazzle: someone who ages quickly because they do too many drugs
grambounce: moderate indulgence in ******* on the weekends
wravel: to expound upon minutiae in an enlightened way
torpindage: intimidating people about the mafia by using  TV and Movies to make them seem more violent
Yulliver: a hypersensitive person who is easily intimidated by circumstance
hinderbaggle: the cumulative effect of plastic on pollution around the world
lavondeur: a volcanic tirade of recrimination against a baseless accusation
primposition: to try to use prison politics to endear violence or ****** aberration
stultimathy: the art of lampooning people with divergent ideas
rendavation: the diversification of entertainment on YouTube creating mismatches in syntalities
abaddon: the crestfallen feeling you get when hype is overstated
glamborge: a surfeit of pretentious glamour that treacles too quickly to have lasting value
tempcoverage: a preordained song lyric or movie reference referring to the future before it happens
whistlemonger: someone who touts their knowledge of secrets too openly
flyndresque: a restless nonconformity to hidebound standards flaunted for attention and regarded as vogue
whadronque: a concerted effort by the media to hide an inconvenient truth for boondoggles
kilmarge: an untidy mess that exacerbates the tongue of the puritans
subnublear-incontinent drivel of gribbean barnacles to the bernaggles of opportune subfusc blettonism that owes patronage to scrimshaws of duty by wetchrean designation
Winklean- to trust intimations of superstition that are subliminal above clarion declarations of widely heralded facts
ewnastinque- the proliferation of pornographic sentiments among the youth
bludgergrumble- To exert great power and finesse and demand the minutiae of life to align with annealed priorities that you incur from statemanship or stature
Retinoise- the fanfare of correspondence among the plucky people allied to your cause
Aswallone- A staggering feat of disguised xenophobia that is implicit rather than stated directly
DMC Words
wiggletemper- manipulating subtleties to micromanage threats to power dynamics
atomkent- a feeble attempt made in resignation to empower people that is dishonest
slimpondrique- the skeletonization of society made by ossified moralism that neglect prophecy
refracturism- the fundamental belief that all human knowledge is siphoned from selective filters that translates with deeply engraved entropy an inherent human distortion of the pristine reality
swallock- the divergence of human perspectives based on differences in receptive intelligence
trykle- the protrusion of uncomfortable truths of specious lies from the treasury of percolation
flakmention- the dredged arguments of revived past controversy becoming relevant again in a different context swaying generations in a different context
ouroborous
metatron- annihilation of the concept of existential chords of harmony to create the dissuasion of many to regard with nescience what should be upheld as an indelible memory of a sturdy reality negated by supervised neglect
flombrick- an overlooked part of the latticework of a phenomena that hides in obscurity because it is either such a nuance or so integral to the  reformulated design that it gets overlooked as either an axiom or a reputable spandrel
asperingum- a mistaken hope that tragedy can unite the human family into communal ******* for the shibboleths of a tribe to become universal
slimmerback- a reduction of complexity needed to explain the ineffable to a wider audience
flajourney- an enhancement of intellect predicated on music taste that primes intelligence
flajoust- a sarcastic song meant to demean the audience because of its glaring simplicity
feldtround- the holistic reprisal of a negligent professor or public official because he is slanted in the wrong direction or imposing too many opinions

2432. sphenoid-wedge-shaped
2433. sigmoid- S shaped
2435medusiform- shaped like a jelly fish
2436. vermillion- bright-red
2437viridian- chrome-green
2438 watchet- pale blue
2439. xanthic- yellow
2440. umber-brownish red
2441.puccoon- blood root; dark red color
2442. jacinthe- orange-color
2443. modena- crimson
2444. icterine-yellow
2445heliotrope-purplish hue/ ancient sundial
2446 eburnean-of or like ivory/ ivory-colored
2447corbeau-blackish green
2448. cyaneous- sky-blue
2449.filemot- of a dead leaf color or a dead leaf
2450. lsteritious- brick-red
2451.gridelin- violet-gray
2452 atrous- jet black
2453.celadon- pale green
2454 adevism- denial of gods or legends of pagans
2455 euhemerism-explanation of mythology as growing from history
2456 fideism- doctrine that knowledge depends on faith more than reason
2457 gymnobiblism-bible presented to the illiterate to their understanding sufficient
2458 tychism- accepts role as pure chance
2459 titanism- a spirit of revolt against regnant authority defiance against social convetions
2460. terminism- time-limit for repentance
2461. theopantism- belief God is the only reality
2462. privatism- not indulging outside interests at all
2463. positivism- theory that is not observable cannot be known
2464 panzoism- belief that humans and animals both share vital life energy
2465. perfectibilism- ideas of humanity perfecting itself to completion
2466. panspermatism- belief that life is extraterrestrial in origin
2467. organicism- belief that life is an organism from the granular to the profoundly panoramic
2468 numenism- belief in local deities or spirits
2469. monadism-theory that there exists ultimate units of being
2470. kenotism- theory that Christ shed his divinity to become human
2471. immoralism- rejection of morality
2472 illuminism- belief in an eternal internal  light
2473 ignorantism- belief ignorance is a good thing
2474. aspheterism- denial of private property
2475. aestheticism- beauty is integral to other qualities of reality
2476- bullionism- strong belief in gilded exchequer.
2477-Hypnogeny- the production of a hypnotic state
2478 Icterogenic- causing jaundice
2479. Nubigenous- cloud-born
2480. xylogenesis- growing on wood
2481. thymogenic- due to emotion
2482. thaumatogeny- doctrine of the miraculous origin of life
2483. spodogenous- caused by waste matter
2484 noegenesis- the production of knowledge
2485. morogenesis- the cause of segmentation
2486. marigenous- produced by the sea
2487. lithogenesis- rock-building
2488. ectogenesis-variation in response to outside conditions
2489. catogenic- formed from above
2490. anogenic-formed from beneath or below
Neologisms Part 6
Grangerine- a menacing sultry backlash against debased conformity to diminutive virtues of hamartias
Abordinance- A secretive stipend paid to silence people
Flaxounce- A counterfeit homeopathic remedy that is toxic
Creeze- to walk away from a confrontation before it begins either because you are meek or because of kisswonk
Ammenque- To loiter around waiting for deliverance with futility because of inclement circumstance or otherwise poor luck
Serratink- to rudely and abruptly end a conversation with anteric spite
Trillop- a meager insistence on the lowest possible price done obstinately regardless whether the other person budges ( a hefty understatement of capital)
Yernage- the peak-time of a person’s life in terms of felicity that is often restated in nostalgia
Implucture- the menagerie of talent that crowds the most elite spots in the city
Wallsong- An intrepid curt minatory rebuff of cordial standards because of boorish rudeness either provoked on unprovoked
Alkender- complete financial acumen that beats any market without insider knowledge
Kindoreal- the suitable mentality of hospitality based on conditions of success rather than just gratuity at the ire of the inferior
Sweenedge- the ability to master the panoramic matrix but extremely reserved in disclosing knowledge of dynamics for self-protection
Curdact- to weather inhospitable vicissitudes by forbearance and petition to divine authority
Sterkle- to leap at the first chance for monetary prosperity without considering divestiture or alternative options
Clex-the fantasia that enchants the droll simpletons but bores more astute observers
Gigantopariah- someone who is aloof from others because of stature or longiniquity of intellect
Walkong- the primitive directive to shut off a region from outside influences because of naive nativism at the peril of the economy
Zalk-to be the embodiment of a fictional character in a Movie
Zalkengur-when a movie you watch resembles your real-life conditions
weedratch-the oversaturation of drugs in society caused by the ostentation of celebrities using drugs in excess amounts
Tripsnitch- someone who is burrowed within a criminal caste who snitches for monetary gain that goes unnoticed
Hambourne- someone who is more prone to mysticism than religion and regards all religious traditions as contributions to the divine understanding without shroffing for apocrypha
Erzle- to be uncouth and rude around someone you are attracted to because of hapless happenstance
Pandemonstrance- the overstatement of hype to scare down the scale of a pandemic
Inkburch- someone who appreciates hypertrophy and is attentive to small detail but is a step short of full comprehension of intellectual reticulation
Trimlegger- someone who markets covert information or induction into secret societies for a price
Halkorn- to horde essential items months in advance of calamity only to gouge people when it arrives
Wintermingle- To borrow from the exigency of dearth the demands for select luxuries only experienced in times of dire straits and capitalize on squalor to beef up demand
Alvantage- a complete continuity of perception that is stereodimensional and therefore attentive to the scrutiny of missed details
Amporge- to galvanize a select community with a lot of power even when meeting the tacenda of disdain among common audiences that either don’t understand or don’t agree ideologically with the stance (elite pandering at common exchequers expense)
Wetragged- the hoist of ****** appeal founded on confrontations of lust that is effrogallant and leads to wide ****** currency
Rigmangle- to bet a lot of stake on mass confusion even when the profiteering is dishonest and unscrupulous
Tripsconce- to travel to a distant location to escape the tether of obligation often in a hurry if to escape the malingering malice of people that you want to   avoid
Wallbagger- someone who is sinister against immigration because of xenophobia that prizes anti-immigrant stances as the most important issue
timelounge- a place where future events are succinctly hinted at or discussed at a more elite institution than a frizzlounge
updame- to fetch affection from the most beautiful women in society
flavenicker- someone who appreciates all culinary dishes and makes a habit of trying new food (or someone with a ravenous intellectual curiosity)
roundhackle- the looming insecurity about appearance that motivates the sublimation of other talents that is inescapable
wednongue- someone who is eager to adopt vogue ideas just because they are vogue especially in the circle of fashimites that care only for popularity rather than sustainability even though they suspect a decline in the fad in short order
rellamp- to shine light on obscure issues in a convoluted ecphonesis that few will understand but in a way that shimmers the syncrisis of meaning
redominage- the sterling repute of some outmoded ideas fashioned with new monikers or disguised in redhibitions of federalese that appall liberal voters but create an adiaphorous reaction among Republicans
dissgowl- to riot in malcontent over untidy conditions of urbanization
inkbalk- the rejection of complex ideas because you don’t understand them in writing
waltroom- an avenue to secret conveyance of covert information (IOP)
flickerstorm- a spreading agent that enhances clarity if only temporary about spiritual realities by promulgating homilies that enchant perdurably
edumancipation- the liberation of the educational system from doctrinaire inculcation and the provocation of free thought found in autodidactianism
winkdrip- a secret ****** by the state on a foreign national beyond scrutiny
albenture- the ability to see complex patterns from a limited amount of information by intuitive conjecture in an almost clairvoyant way
poolswap- the emigration of wealth from one country to another because of unstable domestic or foreign conditions or other prospects of currency bonanza
plodge- to perform ******* very well
lipsmurch- an extraordinary *******
travestime- a bleak portrayal of a vibrant zeitgeist founded on petty objections that focus on the worst rather than best aspects of any heyday
alpenesture- the luxury of living near ski resorts
cartonimble- someone who prays often that often overstates the degree of their own sin because of a peccant fixation that is halldorn
trewde- to hail environmental causes that are inconvenient in a blaring way to the culprits behind the fossil fuel industry
trince- to be indecisive because of shifting mosaics of certainty of once irrefragable axioms that predicate your view of reality
sleeporge- to escape emotional pangs of depression or concern by popping a sleeping pill to escape turmoil
plammer- to brag about various pedigrees of stature in a modest way that still provokes envy even in modesty
mendlatch- to change your security settings out of hyped precaution
flomp- to spill your beer or liquor on someone because you maunder with intoxication
krift- an impasse on a contentious issue between two power brokers especially with respect to finance within a single entity or company
lingobagger- someone who reiterates the same concepts over and over again to a drooling audience of simpletons because they lack mutual understanding
keelnog- the alcoholism of sailors explained by cabin fever ( a general malaise caused by alcoholism that leads to diminished favor of reputation)
slogmarch- the steady growth of momentum in a financial movement caused by piggybacks of press and repcrevel concerns that form astroturf movements
limpedgy- simple writing that showcases flair but is still suboptimal for understanding deeper issues
covvenger- the stoop of science to a lower level to elevate dignitaries with fondink to a higher stature of conveyance despite a noticeable dimple of pretended normalcy among the highly gifted
willborne- a strong inclination that becomes an exalted ambition that serves a pecuinary cause as well as an altruism to society
Tortneyed- hackneyed ideas reiterated by tortivinity by ignorant people that converge on the same hikkles of obganiation
Hackumber- to disclose the most embarrassing personal secrets or corporate secrets of any given entity
Terrample (adj)- sufficient for the needs of Earth as a whole both in terms of its psychological effect and ultimate impact on ecosystems
Timberlask- the preservation of rugged idealism of picaresque roguery in a world that disenchants more than enthuses without denting pride or shibboleth
Flackey- a pedestrian answer to a simple question meant to dissemble a guise of presentation rather than bearing authenticity
Flackourge- a completely dishonest portrayal of oneself in a job interview or a date that is easy to detect
Grazzle- to astound a dismissive person with an unconventional answer which shatters paradigms about what a person or a group is capable of
Grazzly- Boldly intrepid in brave authenticity that showcases intellectual finery
Tralleyromp- a party for conceited photogenic people that are obsessed with ostentation that becomes a free-for-all saturnalia or a competitive bout of flairs of pulchritude
Halk-to insert a memorable catchphrase from a movie or song into spoken or written language
Halkend- an obsessive patron of the arts that quotes movies and music too much
Junctition- a moment of profound epiphany or euphoria memorialized in nostalgia especially when bound to a song, a place or a person on one particular date
Junctingent- a nostalgia that blurs many salient moments of excessive lavish celebration or personal acmes of achievement into one solitary remembrance that bedizens retrospection with a vague shimmer of sheen
Soundrack- the collection of songs that you are the most fond of
Soundracketeer- someone who has a very wide selection of music, especially universally agreed upon as tasteful music
Twatternabble- writing that is inelegant but is used solely to memorize words rather than convey meaning
Ligony- a period of overindulgence remembered fondly
Wassertail- the feeling of the degraded quality of music that you listen to too often and therefore maintains fewer feelings of euphoria
Wangermist- the gravity of new sonorous music to ****** ears that enchants rather than belies sentiments as the fresh engraving of a future treasure
Flukenhague- a bad policy by a mandarist government that seeks more ulterior control of the syndicalism of mismanaged graft in societies that have more hyperarchy than democracy
Flamestun- shower the world with genius that is unexpected and achieve acclaim thereby
Reninjuble- naturally good-natured giving off the appearance of emotional mastery that is calculated when it is in fact symptomatic of a general convivial nature that enlivens all who participate in it
Renkle- to upset someone emotionally by highlighting their flaws indirectly as through an awgrudge or a motion of flippant effrontery that balks at the haecceity of another person
Halvonk-To signal an amicable agreement on your own terms when you own the leverage of negotiation by making uncial concessions about minor points of contention but thrusting new items of hortatory clarity into your negotiosity
Cotopaxy- the peaceful armistice between warring covert tribes embedded within domestic think tanks between the tacenda but still maintaining hostile posture to interrogation
Autodimplage- A steep stark insecurity about a recurrent mannerism some might find eccentric that becomes flanged in misperception and recoils into sheepish resignation (especially applied to traits you cannot change that are related to both personality and appearance)
Plasmamium- the interrogation of physics at a deeply consequential level that requires a recursive itinerant imagination that can fathom the epiphenomena of the flux between states of matter and existence especially focused on Thermodynamics
2492. aeropleustic-related to aerial navigation
2493. adipic- relating to fatty substances
2494. ampelidious- relating to vines
2495.alveolate- like a honeycomb
2496. anatine- relating to ducks
2497. amphiscian- relating to torrid regions
2498. anguine- relating to snakes
2499. agrestic- relating to fields, rustic, unpolished
2500. acerate- resembling a needle
2501. areopagitic- relating to courts or tribunals
2502. auricular- spoken secretly
2503. campestral-relating to the country/level ground
2504.centrobaric- relating to the point of the center of gravity
2505. conative-relating to purposeful actions
2506. cothurnal- relating or pertaining to tragedy
2507. crenitic- pertaining to mineral springs
2508.delphinine- relating to dolphins
2509. denary- ten-fold
2510. diacoustic- relating to the refraction of sound
2511. edaphic- of like or pertaining to the soil
2512. emporeutic- relating to trade
2513. erotetic- engaged in rhetorical questioning’
2514. hesternal- pertaining to yesterday
*** trafficking – the trafficking and debasement of souls; Drug trafficking – the trafficking of substances that debase the body.  Here compared you will find the prevalence, impact, and rehabilitation processes associated with *** and shrug trafficking.  Respective clientele, demographics, and locales that these types of trafficking touch will be revealed in order enlighten you to their world-wide prevalence. The physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological impact of lifestyles that result from these two types of trafficking will be detailed to etch vividly an image of just how far-reaching the impact of these two activities is. Light will be shed upon the rehab processes that lead to recovery from each.
                 According to UnoDC.org, the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, the use of illicit drugs has remained in a stable trend, with approximately the same number of people using illicit drugs each year. This trend has continued for a number of years. Upon examining the world drug report, written by UnoDC.org, production of several drugs exhibit particularly interesting trends. ***** production for example fell and spiked in a somewhat predictable patter from 1990 until 2010. When this data is graphed a reasonable medium appears for all the years, revealing that ***** production has stayed around an average production of roughly 200,000 hectares annually. Likewise, coca cultivation pictures an interesting trend. From 1990 to 2010 coca production appeared to be almost identical each year, and with little to no rise or fall in production, there is a similar trend in its being trafficked.  
Nefarious: Merchant of Souls is a documentary that was released in 2012 by Exodus Cry Its producers and researchers saw firsthand the atrocities of the *** trafficking industry. The film crew interviewed former pimps and prostitutes, spoke to traffickers, the families of the trafficked and to individuals still actively engaged in three sides of the *** trade referring to currently employed pimps and prostitutes as well as those who purchased ***. The researchers and producers interviewed eastern European gang members and took a trip to Amsterdam’s red-light district – home of legal prostitution. They journeyed to Los Angeles and saw the glamorized side of the dark issue of *** trade.
According to Nefarious, the number of humans trafficked for the purpose of providing ****** services is on a shockingly steep rise. In a matter of a few years, *** trafficking rose from the third largest criminal enterprise to the second. It is second only to drug trafficking and is vying for the position as top criminal enterprise in the world. It is encroaching upon that position far more speedily than any authority or decent human being would care to acknowledge.  A survey taken in 2010 by DART (the drug awareness resistance training program) revealed that 21.8 million people aged 12 and older had taken an illicit drug in the previous month. In 2010 it was estimated that between 153 and 300 million people had used an illicit drug at least once in the previous year. These statistics fail to take into account the impact that this usage has on the lives of the families of drug users. Neither do these statistics reveal the extent to which drug users lifestyles are impacted by drugs. However, nearly  every single human trafficked for ****** purposes is completely and utterly enveloped in the lifestyle of prostitution and the violent world of being prostituted. In Nefarious a shocking statistic is revealed. Approximately ten percent of the entire human population of earth has been trafficked. Both human and drug trafficking are prevalent across the globe. Human trafficking occurs in 161 of 192 countries. Illicit drugs are trafficked in every country that has laws that deem substances unlawful. There are little to no race, religion, ethnicity, or age restrictions on who can and is trafficked for use of ***, but drugs are far more limited by age and ethnicity in their use.
Drug trafficking, though similar to *** trafficking in many ways, is in no way as substantial a damaging force to the mind, soul, and spirit as the world of *** trafficking  is in terms of the critical and dangerous force it exhibits in the emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual  impact it has on young girls. Both drugs and *** trafficking have some influence in all of these respective areas. The primary area in which people are affected by drug use is the physical. Drug users’ health declines, they become physically or psychologically dependent, and they may develop diseases from sharing of needles or lack of inhibitions that lead to *** with an infected individual. Drugs may, in some rare cases, lead to psychoses and mental disorders. They may cause brain damage, which is both physically and mentally damaging. Drugs may even set one’s heart and soul in a place that they are more susceptible to lies or truth. They alter spiritual state for some individuals, but only mildly. However, *** trafficking victims are impacted majorly and in their entirety as a person. In all aspects of the physical, mental, and spiritual, *** trafficking victims are consumed by *** trafficking. In Nefarious it is revealed that In order to “break” *** trafficking victims they are profusely beaten, and are psychologically toyed with to create a twisted trust and dependence on their various handlers. They are repeatedly *****, and are examined like cattle by those who wish to buy women. They are imprisoned in dark rooms and not allowed to leave unless told to do so. They are bedridden and forced to ******* themselves. After being broken in ways described above and sold to a ****, girls are forced every day to meet certain quotas of customers and cash flow. If they do not meet these they are beaten even more. They lay in bed sometimes a week at a time to recover physically enough to usefully return to their “job”.  Through this hellish ordeal, their soul, self-worth and identity are being attacked by circumstances that devalue them. They become like animals.
*** trafficking victims become dependent on their environment for normalcy. This is so true for some individuals that even though they have been rescued from the lifestyle, they return.  This is not because the *** trafficking victims enjoys the lifestyle of prostitution, and it is not because they want to. Instead, it is because they think they can be nothing more than a *******. The *** trafficking victim, in this case, believes that they need to settle into the numb and thoughtless mind state that they develop when broken. Returning to prostitution does not evidence an addiction. In contrast, it is the cry of a soul that is desperately trying to cope. They do this in order to feel as if they can survive.  
The rehab processes for *** and drug trafficking differ greatly in commitment and length, but are similar in that they both require physical and psychological rehabilitation.  Drug rehabilitation programs typically consist of twelve-step programs or something similar. They last a number of months, or occasionally a few years. They allow individuals counsel and encouragement, and they attempt to, by abstinence, exorcise an addicted individual’s addiction. *** trafficking rehabilitation requires the re-creation of an individual. Self-worth must be reconstructed. The spirit must be healed in order to allow for psychological healing. Prostitutes are not addicted to prostitution, but prostitution produces dependence in that the prostituted crave normalcy. This dependence must be killed. Successfully rehabilitating women from this forced lifestyle requires lifelong commitment and endless resources. It requires passionate fanatics, people who will pour their life into changing the lives of others, because only the incurable fanatic can wreak havoc on the tragedy of human trafficking. Any short-term effort to rehabilitate a *** trafficking victim is doomed to failure. The degree to which the brokenness of *** trafficking victims becomes ingrained in them is so extreme that it takes a lifetime to reshape their lives.
While researching *** trafficking in order to accurately produce Nefarious, the researchers and producers of Nefarious became convicted by facts that they collected. The evidence they collected speaks to the fact that *** trafficking does not just attack the body; it attacks the entire being, and in far worse ways than drugs ever could. Varied races and ages are prostituted and / or consume drugs. The impact of both of *** and drug trafficking is severe, but much more so severe in the case of human trafficking. The rehab process for human trafficking is much more in depth and is testament to the horror and degree of psychological, mental, and emotional disfigurement, as well as acclimation to a horrible situation to the point that horror becomes normal – a new definition of addiction. Human trafficking is an atrocity that is far more horrendous and prevalent than imaginable. It is far more destructive than drug trafficking. Drug trafficking is one of the most destructive forces in this generation.  Surely consuming drugs is one of the most horrid things we can do to our bodies, but what about consuming souls? *** trafficking consumes souls, hearts, minds and bodies. It splits, fragments, debases, brutalizes, obliterates, murders, rapes, molests, destroys, and dehumanizes the prostituted.  Drug trafficking attacks the body the soul, and sometimes the mind, but in much milder ways.
M Salinger Jul 2018
A moment.

A line between
empowered
& defiant

holding within in it
the tenderness of our gaze

The night calls me
sometimes
tauntingly,
while sleep escapes,
sometimes
earnestly
to show me the truth
that day
hides

it calls deep within
my being,
like you

it resonates with
my darkness,
like you

Will you stay with me,
for a moment

of real honesty
& if you want,
silence

The valley of space there,
& between us
pulling me in,
like you

a moment of freefall
& endless endings
ours,
there to be
chosen

where we find
a way
to be suspended
in the
warmth between
you & I

I stand
on the sharpest edge,
below, the water surges
over the rock face
deep teal and chilling
a reminder that
beautiful
can also be
destructive

like you.

In awe and wonder
I'm trapped
in these
moments.
Inspired by the great beauty of British Columbia and how it's grandeur and imposing nature can be reminiscent of imperfect love
rottenplum Apr 2017
im probably not supposed to talk about this
but I'm a self-destructive mess
like a volcano that never erupts
i just burn myself on the inside
i know i'm feeling self-destructive when I listen to hip-hop
and am able to picture hurting myself in my head
jumping off cliffs
drowning in my own blood
stabbing myself in the eye
getting hit by trains
my brain gets really creative if im not careful
sometimes i wonder when i'll get enough courage to make my self-destructive thoughts a reality
lol what is wrong with me
MeanAileen Mar 2017
I am warmhearted and icy cold,
with a pretty face that's getting old.
I am fragile yet tough as a man,
struggle thru life with no real plan.
I am petite and cuss like a trucker,
slightly naive, but I'm no sucker.
I am a sinner with a halo of gold,
an open book with secrets untold.
I am a hypocrite but always play fair,
a bleeding heart and I don't care.
I am a mother who acts like a child,
crazy, impatient and easily riled.
I am spontaneous and I am a bore,
forever forgiving, I still keep score.
I am unstable and wonderfully wise,
a ****** deviant in sweet disguise.
I am creative and self-destructive
naturally skilled and unproductive.
I am shy and I am outspoken
with a heart of glass, easily broken.
I am awkward and well refined,
lost, insightful and a little love-blind.
I am respected and I am addicted
shamed by burdens, self inflicted.
I am a perfectionist and I am a slob,
unbiased and shallow, an inept snob.
I am nocturnal, a creature of night,
blissfully ignorant, typically right.
I am cautious and I have no fear,
a loser and quitter, still I persevere.
I am brilliant and easily amused,
over-zealous and under-enthused.
I am impervious with wounds to heal,
a habitual liar just keepin' it real.
I am witty and weird and mean-
I am what I am.......100 Aileen.
A lil bit about who I am...
The Vault Mar 2017
I'm a self destructive mess.
Putting myself down
Starving myself
Because when I see myself
I feel I am not good enough
You shouldn't love me
You shouldn't care.
You shouldn't be near me
Because I am self destructive
And I will hurt you
In the process
Of hurting myself
I know I scare you
With all the things
I think badly about myself
But I didn't tell you to love me
But maybe
You can help me fix myself
Because I am a self destructive mess
And so are you
I guess that is why we work together
So perfectly
Made this thinking about my boyfriend who puts up and cares for me through all my anxiety attacks.
Hal Loyd Denton Apr 2013
Not funny but this was written on 4-15-12 exactly a year to the day


I re-post this for our last battel field Boston these words are nothing but as you read you will find the one who lives in them and He is everything all the comfort and hope we can ever want


Sorry if this seems at first confusing all my friends on facebook and Redbubble will get it right away as
I asked them to use their love and caring to pray for my hurting distraught friend at her time of great
Loss if you are hurting it will help to at least a degree or it will help at times of future loss

Well dear sweet precious Addy this brutal day is at an end I hope you sleep well I prayed for you and
Kathleen’s son way into the night at first I was terrified you weren’t going to get my post and you would
Enter as I told my wife you would enter the lion’s den the lions all have familiar names pain sorrow
Grief and many others and they maul with cruelty without pity I didn’t want either of you to take those
Fatal steps without your armor not to be to descriptive but reality waited with a blast I tried to diffuse the
Coffin the grave and headstone never could I do it immeasurably my fight for you could only be in the
Smallest victories comfort mined at times like these is like uranium white silver metallic with almost
A power that can’t be harnessed the same as loss of a love one what blow back again the same as a
Nuclear test one problem you don’t get the protection of a bunker no just suffer the blast in your
Body mind and heart you are stepping into the shoes the same as young woman who lost her father
That as she described him he was the light of her life our paths crossed on line when I thought she
Was a classmate’s wife her story of her dad touched me deeply I’m going to add that piece here plus
The comfort I tried to write for my friend that was more like my brother when his mother died I will
Include a small background so it wail make more sense let me add those here the first was Fathers story
What you read here is her hearts knowing and the undying love that it created and that continues.
His precious hands were removed from earthly things. A great and gentle man his greatest possessions his family. I only knew him from his business and the fact that one of his beautiful daughters married a classmate of mine. Then much later by error I made acquaintance with another of his daughters you can tell a lot about a person from the actions of his children. She told me that he passed away and that he was the light of her life. With God’s help I would like to pay tribute to him.
A light did shine it was magnified by the eyes of a daughters love. He took his journey he went above his ship was the care they shared he the captain made the course straight and true he didn’t slow her run until heaven was in plain view they would have cheered but it hard to see through eyes filled with tears. All the wonderful years seemed to be eclipsed by the sickness that came it seemed an angry wind from their lives this stalwart precious soul it did rend. It left the greatest empty hole it took the longest time to fill and then with the sweetest cooing the grand babies made the hole enlivened not the terrible twisted knot that had the family bound but without being able to speak a word grampaw was found. If you looked in their faces his smile is bound to bundles only heaven can design. I’m not saying they asked him how to work these miracles yet this is true he watched with intense interest and was happiest since his departure he knew that back through time and space healing was for all time secured. Their stoic acceptance could now be laid aside the family could run in softer climes know the sweetest of times that were thought to be forever gone.
Love spills down from heights distance is only on a map in peoples heart its no farther than the end of your finger tips. Images are so strong not because we have great minds it’s easy to make these rich finds when your love and its power shake the foundation of the universe is it not said that love is the greatest power. Oh how so many in dark shadows cower when they possess the power to ignite the world on fire. From heart to heart it does dart the wildness of the spirit is told blotting out all of the cold. Yes there is winter but also the spring. The light spoken of is no longer beholden to earth and so the family is free by love he joins his light to the Christ the all glowing light
Life force by haldenton
To all who have lost heroes
This was written to Eva’s son Bill to help him at her passing. With this writing I took him back thirty years when he was in the truck wreck that killed his dad his recovery saved his mother I hoped by him being reminded of that now it would help him the same way.
Tribute to Eva Wafford Life force
For all who lost heroes
In your soul freshly the wind of death did blow.
Cold eerie shadows marched against your tender broken heart.
What defense could this onslaught repel agony’s volcanic flow.
Ominous well filled with grief from this weight no relief.
The child the grim reaper did spare.
Only after leaving the body bruised and in despair.
From this broken body drops of mercy started to make the mother well.
I held your trembling frame today this memory rings sweet as a bell.
Streets and houses without number fill the land.
I can’t help when I look to recall memories grand.
Now they are but dreams that ache in the night.
Images that over ride the present in their glory I take flight.
Brush aside caution raise your voice as a trumpet.
They live only in yesterdays even so indelibly they wrote their stories.
We hold our children we cling only a moment as mist on the summit.
Your life Eva continues to build the next generation.
Your voice is heard in the breath of your grandchildren.
Wonders they spin from golden thread, now that you have gone ahead.
Your spirit glows in the fire that warms the house against winter.
Summer’s cool breeze not sent by chance she doe’s tenderly incite.
Death silently said what I already knew.
To me you were always immortal you were bigger than life
Many were the days when the wind of storms blew
those who know us feel the calm; this is only your life on review

One more
Simply Jim
Old Abe said it right ‘It is right and fitting that we speak these words here to honor these lives so honorably lived. I can say that about Jim and this also he was a prince among men if I do this right the words will convince you.
He had a gentle way and nature he spoke softly but a softness that flowed to you like ribbons that bounced in a little girl’s hair how delightful. He should have been a doctor his hands his mannerism was ideal for that job. I guess thats what made him stand out so strongly like a gentle calm breeze if you came in a panic his soul would float down around you like a parachute first it safely brings you from great anxiety and exaltation to a graceful landing then gently envelops you in its silken embrace. I had this privilege of watching him inter act with his wife as I said and truly he was a prince and I was the beggar that benefitted richly from the sidelines God knew my needs.
He was called from this life but all the days he filled before his home going are the sustaining force noticeably seen felt with keen awareness you know that a gentleman passed this way. In the lives left behind there is a blend of sadness and astonishment you realize you are looking at the work of a master workman who left behind a tightly and perfectly fitted family this unfortunately is sadly rare in this society that boast of its accomplishments.
As a friend his breadth and depth was sufficient you weren’t a burden he had a way of dispelling trouble making you understand with wisdom and unerring judgment then with ease you could extricate yourself from the problem. His heavenly father filled him with tenderness it stood him and others well in a somewhat crabby world. If you’re pressed and anxious about life take from this life expressed. A portion of the good will you need use it as a defense Jim couldn’t be everywhere but God saw fit to make an original that you can duplicate benefit from and be a part of his ongoing legacy. Thanks friend for a life lived well

Well hurting one in the earlier part of a writing I said I am God’s battle field reporter and medic
These writings are my bandages and gauze God gave me great big hands and I fill them with
Salve with all the love I know I gently apply it to your broken hurting wounds mingle it with
Tears that are not always mine alone but His mixes with mine one day He will abolish all tears
Until then this is our duty your heart we hear and we can do no other God bless you Addy and
Your nephew and all others who find this helpful

Mirrored Pool


Wonder for all the hurts

First I knelt just to see my reflection then the depths started to reveal first the flowing thoughts were
Restrained and then a bubbling seemed to dislodge from greater depths hard truths churned with
Violent twisting but the motion made it impossible to turn away there were great large white clouds
From depths then even above the pool they rose fourteen stories high the sensation was you were
Standing outside clear air intoxicating views the pulse of many were throbbing in your ears their
Thoughts and dreams were known and their sorrows were weights that pulled you from the heights
It was a colossal game of tag and you were it first reaction fear then the appearance of bundled gifts
Broke down the fear it was promise in different sizes that met the required needs it was like a divine
Warehouse had just made a delivery there were cards with names and writing gave clarification tears
And smiles intermingled then the outer knowing postulated the difficulty the puzzle an enormous
Streaming that was now congested and it was beginning a vortex all was understood now human thought
With doubts was pulling the answer into this destructive hole where was one to find the lever to stop
This action that would disallow was the answer to touch the water bring the finger to my lips possibly
A blazing thought would occur that would strike the mind no all that brought was words that had the
Letters jumbled they made no sense unless there is a special book that is alive in it the letters and words
Are already set but they cover every act in the human condition the broken can pour over the pages
You won’t find thorns to repel your efforts there are thorns but they will speak and assuage your hurts
At the most basic and needed levels the points of your hurts will begin to dissolve from your eyes to
Your mind this inward rush and power will dislodge even spears driven deep by enemies carried for
Years you searched in vain over sad and lonely paths and days now you journey is at an end thorns of
Suffering for another produces profound power and mercy go in peace beloved one another bears your
Burden now maybe words cut you at depths you can’t even identify what if there is an antidote in a
Book you pick it up with trembling hands your body tingles from the knowledge that this is ancient texts
It will have a revival of appreciation in this world of texting but with gentle fingers and eyes that glow
With respect as you see the wisdom and the love cannot be denied you leave the world you know and
With total abandonment you swim in this sea of words until the your tears spill on this rich world of
Words those cruel barbed words that pierced tender skin and have bled internally all of these years
Begin to dissolve with stories and accounts of betrayals then the swells love and mercy you read about
Restoration not always found after apologies are given but the teaching of forgiveness strikes a cord
You have been made free from your prison the tangles of life are great as a great black cloud it hangs
Over head many are its troubles this isn’t mild but the disruptive made to strike and pierce deep the
Hidden that steals the morning blessing while other feast your hunger and unrest only enlarges a
Tormenting unquenchable fire a slow burn this is a forest being burned at the thermal level the hidden
Roots a slow process destructive but not so visible agony torture I have seen men crawl in war or fire
Fighting that where all else is lost you will know greater thrills than any other living soul with the
Desperate and those heavy burdened unable to stand a word will flow it puts out fires and gives
The luxurious buoyancy heaviness changed to joy the bouncy laughter every outward blast attack
The enemy launches is within its pages they are repelled overwhelmed by love you suffer unduly
If you don’t hold this fortress this informative book of stratagems that have made everyone a victor
Who has ever found themselves at their wits end no place on earth has a contingency plan though it
Will make the greatest claims all is just empty air when life as it too often does ***** the very air of life
Out we practically are unconscious but this help this rescue is activated by one name it’s not just a book
But the word is a person what a pool you will find what a reflection will engage you beyond your hope
To imagine just say Jesus all will be total peace your heart will know no more sorrow peace will surpass
Sorrow love will disallow the specter that was once a constant it will disappear it will return to the
Darkness from which it came stand in this newness totally free abide by still waters as the good
Sheppard stands by bless you



Disgrace

This land void of devotion gone is the church steeples.
Replaced by voices and shadows of drug dealers on each corner.
Now they are the keepers, lost cities, death stalks its peoples.
Nothing is sacred in this polluted and diffused land.

No longer hallowed be thy name, it’s as if he never came.
Forgotten is any standard of moral excellence.
The once high ideals only represent a fool’s parlance.
Man declares I throw off these restraints only to find darker chains.

The book that once guided this great land.
We now betray with each waking day.
Our hearts and mind it did ignite, now it’s word we can’t stand.
Powerless and feeble we stumble, anxious ever moment.

Just to remember is not enough, best confess our pride.
Make sacrifice with our lips, to burn on altars on high.
There is a short season for all to make amends to regain our stride.
March on to glory with it burning on the inside.

You don’t have to be astute in business to see the sound investment.
Bring your poverty of spirit leave with the riches of his last testament.
It offers the greatest rate of exchange.
Light for darkness, life for death, selfless love for selfishness.


Streaks of Jefferson


In freedom’s blessed glorified sky through streaks of immortal gold his visage we behold
He looks upon the fields of liberty that he and the founding fathers sowed he sees the

Richness America has become he also beheld her struggles catastrophic wars abroad
And the most painful the one that divided the nation marred it with southern and northern

Blood saw the affable the sad giant Lincoln take the reins of discontent hold them by
Shear will and with uncommon sagacity guided it back in line to fulfill its destiny as the

Powerful fount that would always pour forth waters of freedom for all of earths peoples
Total unconditional acceptance of liberty and all the fruit it bears to establish a

Government like no other this golden grain has waved under bluest skies and brightest
Sun light its rich harvest has gone to darkest prison cells Mandela was sustained by it

For twenty nine years and by its moral purity it fed the lives of those that over threw
Apartied and Mandela finally freed by principals it avows rose from prison clothes

To wear the mantle of president of his country and the honor of the man instilled
Quality that transcended political office Jefferson not to be disrespectful to his progeny

Whispers today’s politicians could do well to look on this African model of good
Stewardship of public trust with that Jefferson faded back into the mist pray that’s
Not the fate of this country






--------------------------------------------------------------­------------------
1.
From my
uneasy bed
at the L’Enfant,
a train's pensive
horn breaks the
sullen lullaby of
an HVAC’s hum;
interrupting the
mechanical
reverie of its
steadfast
night watch,
allowing my ear
to discern
the stampede
of marauding
corporate Visigoths
sacking the city.

The cacophony
of sloven gluttony,
the ***** songs of
unrequited privilege
and the unencumbered
clatter of radical
entitlement echoes
off the city’s cold
crumbling stones.

The unctuous
bellows of the
victorious pillagers
profanely feasting
pierces the
hanging chill
of the nations
black night.

Their hoots
deride the train
transporting
the defeated
ghosts of
Lincoln’s last
doomed regiments
dispatched in vain
to preserve a
peoples republic
in a futile last stand.

The rebels have
finally turned the tide,
T Boone Pickett’s
Charge succeeds,
sending the ravaged
Grand Army of the
Republic sliding
back to the Capitol,
in savage servility,
gliding on squeaky
ungreased wheels
ferrying the
Union’s dead
vanquished
defenders to
unmarked graves
on Potters Field.

The Rebels
joyous yell
bounces off
the inert granite
stones of the
soulless city.

The spittle
of salivating
vandals drips
over the
spoils of war
as they initiate the
disassemblage,
the leveling and
reapportionment
of the grand prize.

The clever
oligarchs
have laid claim
to a righteous
reparation
of the peoples
assets for
pennies on the
dollar.

Their wholly
bought politicos
move to transfer
distressed assets
into their just
stewardship
through the
holy justice
of privatization
and the sound
rationale of
free market
solutions.

In the land of the
pursuit of property,
nimble wolf PACs
of swift 527, LLCs
have fully
metastasized
into personhood;
ascending to
the top of the
food chain in
America’s
voracious
political culture;
bestriding
the nation to
compel the
national will
to genuflect
to the cool facility
of corporate
dominion.

As the
inertial ******
of the plaintive
locomotive
fades into
another old
morning of
recalcitrant
Reaganism,
it lugs its
ambivalent
middle class
baggage toward
it’s fast expiring
future.

I follow
the dirge
down to
the street
as the ebbing
sound fades
into the gloom
of the
burgeoning
morning,
slowly
replacing the
purple twilight
with a breaking
day of cold gray
clouds framing
silhouettes of
cranes busily
constructing
a new city.

The personhood of
corporations need
homes in our new
republic; carving
out new
neighborhoods
suitable for the
monied citizens
of our nation.

First amongst
equals, the best
corporate governance
charters form
the foundation of
the republic’s
new constitution.
Civil rights
are secondary
to the freedom
of markets; the
Bill of Rights
are economically
replaced by the
cool manifests
of Bills of Lading.

The agents of
laissez faire
capitalism
nibble away
at the city’s
neighborhoods
one block at a time;
while steady winds
blows dust off
the National Mall.

Layers of the
peoples plaza are
plained away with
each rising gust.  

History repeats
itself as the Joad’s
are routed from their
land once again.

A clever
mixed use
plan of
condos and
strip malls
is proposed
to finally help the
National Mall
unlock its true
profit potential.

As America’s
affection for
federalism fades
the water in
the reflection pool
is gracefully drained.

We the people
can no longer
see ourselves.

The profit
potential of
industry is
preferred over
the specious
metaphysical
benefits
of reflection.

The grand image,
the rich pastiche,
the quixotic aroma
of the national
melting ***
is reduced to the
sameness of the
black tar that lines
the pool and the
swirling eddies of
brown dust circling
the cracked indenture.

From his not so
distant vantage point,
Abe ponders the
empty pool wondering
if the cost of lives
paid was a worthy
endeavor of preserving
the ****** union?  
Has the dear prize
won perished from
this earth?

Was the illusive
article of liberty  
worth its weight in
the blood expended?

Did the people ever
fully realize the value
of government
by the people,
for the people?

Did citizens of
the republic
assume the
responsibilities to
protect and honor
the rights and privileges
of a representative
government?

Now our idea
and practice of
civil rights is measured
and promoted as far as
it can be justified by
a corporate ROI, a
shareholder dividend,
an earmark or a political
donation to a senators
unconnected PAC.

The divine celestial
ledgers balancing
the rights and
privilege of free people
drips with red ink.  

Liberty, equality
fraternity are bankrupt
secular notions
condemned as
expensive
liberal seditions;
hatched by
UnHoly Jacobins,
the atheist skeptics
during the dark times
of the Age of Enlightenment.

Abe ponders
the restoration
of Washington’s
obelisk, to
repair the cracks
suffered  from
last summer’s
freak earthquake.

I believe I detect
a tear in Abe’s
granite eye
saddened by the
corporate temblors
shaking the
foundations
of the city.

2.

The WWII Memorial
is America’s Parthenon
for a country's love
affair with the valor
and sacrifice of warfare.

WWII forms the
cornerstone of
understanding the
pathos of the
American Century.

During WWII
our greatest generation
rose as a nation to
defeat the menace of
global fascism and
indelibly mark the
power and virtue of
American democracy.

As Lincoln’s Army
saved federalism, FDR’s
Army kept the world safe
for democracy.

Both armies served
a nation that shared
the sacrifice and
burden of war to
preserve the grace of
a republican democracy.

Today federalism
crumbles as our
democracy withers.

The burden
of war is reserved
for a precious few
individuals while
its benefits
remain confined to
the corporate elite.

Our monuments
to war have become
commercial backdrops
for the hollow patriotism
of war profiteers.

We have mortgaged
our future to pay
for two criminal wars.

The spoils of
war flow into the
pockets of
corporate
shareholders
deeply invested
in the continuation
of pointless,
destructive
hostilities.

Our service
members who
selflessly served
their country come
home to a less free,
fear struck nation;
where economic
security and political
liberty erodes
each day while the
monied interests
continue to bless
the abundance
of freedom and riches
purchased with the
blood and sweat
of others.

America desperately
needs a new narrative.

The spirit of the
Greatest Generation
who sacrificed and met
the challenge of the 20th
Century must become
this generations spiritual
forebears.

The war on terror
neatly fits the
the corporate
pathos of
militarism,
surveillance
and the sacrifice
of civil liberties
to purchase
a daily measure
of fear and
economic
enslavement.

It must be rejected
by a people committed
to building secular
temples to pursue
peace, democracy,
economic empowerment,
civil liberties and tolerance
for all.

Yet this old city
and the democratic
temples it built
exulting a free people
anointed with the
grace of liberty
is being consumed
in a morass of
commercial
polyglot.

3.

During the
War of 1812
the British Army
burned the
Capitol Building
and the White House
to the ground.

Thank goodness
Dolly Madison saved
what she could.

The new marauders
are not subject to the
pull of nostalgia.  

They value nothing
save their
self enrichment.

They will spare nothing.

Our besieged Capitol
requires Lincoln’s troops
to be stationed along the
National Mall to defend
the republic.

The greatest peril
to our nation
is being directed
by well placed
Fifth Columnists.

From the safety
of underground bunkers,
in secure undisclosed
locations within the city’s
parameters, a well financed
confederacy employing  
K Street shenanigans
are busy selling off
the American Dream
one ear mark
at a time, one
huge corporate
welfare allotment
at a time.

The biggest prize
is looting the real
property of the people;
selling Utah,
auctioning off
the public schools,
water systems, post offices
and mineral rights
on the cheap
at an Uncle Sam
garage sale.  

The capitol is
indeed burning
again.

Looters are
running riot.

The flailing arms
of a dying empire
fire off cruise
missiles and drone
strikes; hitting the
target of habeas
corpus as it
shakes in its
final death rattle.
I make a pilgrimage
to the MLK Jr.
Monument.

Our cultural identity
is outsourced to
foreign contractors
paid to reinterpret
the American Dream
through the eyes
of a lowest bidder.

MLK has lost
his humanity.

He has been
reduced to a
a Chinese
superhuman
Mao like anime
busting loose from
a granite mountain while
geopolitical irony
compels him to watch
Tommy Jefferson
**** Sally Hemings
from across the tidal
basin for all eternity.  

MLK’s eyes fixed in
stern fascination,
forever enthralled
by the contradictions
of liberty and its
democratic excesses
of love in the willows
on golden pond.

Circling back to
Father Abraham’s
Monument,  I huddle
with a group of global
citizens listening
to an NPS Ranger
spinning four score
tales with the last full
measure of her devotion.

I look up into Abe’s
stone eyes as he
surveys platoons
of gray suited
Chinese Communist
envoys engaged
in Long Marches
through the National Mall;
dutifully encircling cabinet
buildings and recruiting
Tea Party congressmen
into their open party cells.

This confederacy
is ready to torch
the White House
again.

Congressmen and
the perfect patriots
from K Street slavishly
pull their paymasters
in gilded rickshaws to
golf outings at the Pentagon
and park at the preferred
spots reserved for
the luxury box holders
at Redskin Games.

They vow not to rest
until the house of the people
is fully mortgaged to the
People’s Republic of China’s
Sovereign Wealth Fund.

4.

A great
Son of Liberty like
Alan Greenspan
roundly rings
the bells of
free markets
as he inches
T Bill rates
forward a few
basis points
at a time; while
his dead mentor
Ayn Rand
lifts Paul Ryan
to her
Fountainhead teet.
He takes a long
draw as she
coos songs
from her primer
of Atlas Shrugged
Mother Goose tales
into his silky ears.

The construction
cranes swing
to the music
building new private
sector space with
the largess of
US taxpayers
money; or
more rightly
future generations
taxpayer debt.

Libertarians,
Tea Baggers, Blue Dogs
and GOP waterboys
eagerly light a
match to the
the crucifixes
bearing federal
social safety
net programs
to the delight
of NASDAQ
listed capitalists
on the come,
licking their chops
to land contracts
to administer
these programs
at a negotiated
cost plus
profit margin.

Citizens
dependent
on programs
are leery
shareholders
are ecstatic.

To be sure
our free
market rebels
don disguises
of red, white
and blue robes
but their objectives
fail to distinguish
their motives and
methods with
some of the finest
Klansman this
country has
ever produced.

5.

DC is a city
of joggers
and choppers.

Corporate
helicopters
wizz by the
Washington
Monument,
popping erections
for the erectors
inspecting the progress
of the cranes
commanding the
city skyline.

USMC drill team
out for a morning
run circles the Mall.

The commanding
cadence of the
DI keeps us
mindful of the
deepening
militarization of
our society.

A crowd  
rushes
to position
themselves,
genuflecting
to photograph
a platoon on
the move.

I try to consider
the defining
characteristics of
Washington DC.

DC is all surface.

It is full of walls
and mirrors.

Its primary hue
is obfuscation.

Open
communication
scripted from well
considered talking points
informs all dialog.

The city is thoroughly
enraptured in narcissism.

Thankfully, one can
always capture the
reflection of oneself in
the ubiquitous presence of
mirrors.  

Vanity imprisons
the city inhabitants.

Young joggers circle the
Mall and gerrymander
down every pathway
of the city.  

They are the clerks,
interns and staffers of
the judicial, executive
and legislative branches.

They are the children
of privilege.

They will never
alter their path.

You must cede the walk
to their entitlement
of a swift comportment
or risk injury of a
violent collision.

These young ones
portray a countenance  
of benevolent rulers.  

They seem to be learning
their trade craft well from
the senators and judges
whom they serve.

They appear confident
they know what's best
for the country and after
their one term of tireless
service to the republic
they look forward to
positions in the private
sector where they will
assist corporations
to extend their reach
into the pant pockets
worn by the body politic.

6.

Our nations mythic story
lies hidden deep in the
closed rooms of the
museums lining the
Mall.

I pause to consider
what a great nation
and its great people
once aspired to.

I spy the a
suspended
Space Shuttle
hanging in dry dock
at the air and
space museum.

Today America’s
astronauts hitch
rides on Russian
rockets.

America rents a
timeshare from
the European
space agency to
lift communication
satellites into orbit.

Across the Mall
I photograph
John Smithson’s
ashes in its columbarium.  

I fear it has become a
metaphor for America’s
future commitment
to scientific inquiry
and rational secular
thinking.

I am relieved to
discover a Smithsonian
exhibit that asks
“what does it mean
to be human?”

The Origins of Humans
exhibit carries a disclaimer
to satisfy creationists.

The exhibit timidly states
that science can coexist
with religious beliefs and
that the point of the exhibit is
not to inflame inflame religious
passions but to shed light on
scientific inquiry.

I imagine these exhibits
will inflame the passion of
the fundamentalist
American Taliban and
provide yet another
reason to dismantle
the Moloch of Federalism.

The pursuit of science
remains safe at the
Smithsonian for now.

7.

Near K Street at
McPherson Park
a posse of
well dressed
lobbyists, the
self anointed
uber patriots
doing the work
of the people
stroll through
the park
boasting a
healthy population
of bedraggled
homeless.

The homeless
occupy the benches
that have been
transformed into
pup tents.

Perhaps some of
the residents of this
mean estate were
made homeless by a
foreclosed mortgage.  

The K Street warriors
can be proud that their
work on behalf of the
banking industry has
forestalled financial market
reform.  

Through it exacerbates
the homeless problem it has
allowed these K Street titans to
profit from the distress of others.

Earlier in the day
I photographed
a homeless man
planted in front of
the Washington
Monument.

I wonder
if my political
voyeurism is
an exploitation of
this man’s condition?

I have more in common
then I probably wish to
admit with my K Street
antagonists.  

In another section
of the park the
remnants of a
distressed OWS
bivouac remain.

The legions of sunshine
patriots have melted away
as the interest of the
blogosphere has waned.

As the weather
improves Moveon.org
and democratic
party operatives
pitch tents in an
effort to resuscitate
the moribund
movement.

They hope
to coop any
remaining energy
to support their
stale deception,
a neoliberal vision
based solely on the
total capitulation
to the bankrupt
corporatocracy.

I heard someone say
a campaign lasts a
season; while a
movement for social
change takes decades.

If that metric proves
correct, and if the
powers don’t succeed
in compromising the
people’s movement
I’ll be three quarters
of a century old
before I see
justice flowing like
a river once again.

8.

I circle back to
the L’Enfant and
find myself
tramping amidst
the lost platoon
of Korean War
soldiers.

My feet drag
in the quagmire
of grass covering
the feet of this
ghostly troop.

My namesake
uncle was a
decorated
veteran of this
conflict and Im
sure I detect
his likeness
in one of the
statues.

The bleak call
of a distant train
sounds a revelry
and I imagine this
patrol springing
to life to answer
the call of their
beloved country
once again.

Yet they remain
inert.  

Stuck in a
place that the
nation finds
impossible to
leave.

The eyes of the
men stare into
an incomprehensible
fate.  

They see the swarms
of Red Army infantrymen
crossing the Yellow River
streaming toward
them in massive
human waves,
the tips of
sparkling bayonets
threatening to slash
the outmanned
contingent fighting
to bits.

They are the
first detachment
to bravely confront
the rising power
of China many
thousands of
miles away
from their homes.

America like
this lone company
is overwhelmed
and lost in the
confusion
that confronts
them.

Looking up
I perceive the
bewilderment
of my muddled image
reflected on the
marble walls
surrounding
the memorial.

I am a comrade-in-arms,
a fellow wanderer sojourning
with th
sara Jul 2018
I wipe marker off the board, and
I have a painful tendency of quickly growing bored.
I can't erase the ink-spots lingering
in high-up corners;
to spare the self-defeat, I teach myself how to ignore them.

Ignore the marks, and stains, and pains
pretend I'm wiped clean, all the same
with little left to lose or gain:
I leave them; growth is self-restraint.

Perfection is a non-existent notion,
so they say;
yet, unobtainability is all I can create.
For in my mind, these false ideals make tame desires stray,
and self-destructive pleasure is my antidote to pain.

I think I'm like a little plant
of stunted growth, just seeds to start,
my plantpot made from breaking hearts:
before I grow, I say I can't.
Before we accept something we must first wholeheartedly reject it.
/////
like England winning the world cup lol

////
Joking, I just use humor to mask my emotions x
Ezra Apr 2015
Fox in the Snow, what do you do?
Through what resourcefulness can you escape the chilling winter cold?
Can you lend me some and help me escape my destructive relationship?

No?
Alright.

Keep playing, Fox in the Snow.
Destructive relationships are the least of your concern.
I knew it would hurt if I let you touch me, but I didn't care.
I'm self destructive and I love the pain.
Michelle E Alba Nov 2011
Thistle pricked and tantalized by the hypnotist,
the heliotrope sunrise seemed bitter, offensive
at best. Ill-fated, my Magna Carta has been

stripped. Crossroads approach, I begin chewing at my
bottom lip. A simply shady azure, lewd blue lingered
our lime love had been missed. Departing, destructive at best.
Simon Woodstock May 2015
A self destructive terrorist an anti social embarrassment
not one to sport a bomber vest but the first to volunteer to jump off a cliff not wanting to please god up above just pleading to end his own life due to lack of love this isn't a terrorist in the sense of harmful to others he only harms himself  when he can escape the company of others surrounded by many yet he is alone could never harm a fly but he'll wage war on himself he'll draw plans on his wrist with the razors of bliss and drop bombs of pills into the abyss no children will die no mothers will cry just another heart failure in the works the city will stand and the man will fall he has finally won the war as he breathes his last breath he was just a normal man not a killer he's not the only one the self destructive terrorist he hides in everyone
the self destructive terrorist is the depression that is in all of us only not as destructive for some as others
Nisna M Jun 2014
1) Violence. She'll convert the rural scenery in your head into a forest fire.

2) Adventure. She'll fall off the face of the earth trying to catch a star for you.

3) Lust. Simple as that.

4) Love. The ripples inside you will become full grown waves. Love her.

5) Felicity. She'll fill your world with happiness and wonder. She's the darkness in a world of light, but the light in your world of darkness.
Paul M Chafer Jun 2014
We conquer all worlds,
Sweet creature: melt my soul,
freshly thawed, vulnerability exposed.
Eager for unbridled wickedness,
within lilting rhythms of your magic.
So inviting, such interwoven seduction,
I discover that you are indeed, She.
The Mistress who cannot be denied,
so take my hand, I shall guide you,
while you, Dark sweet demigod,
Guide me to intoxicating magic,
magic that is you: and you alone.
Pour your evil charms upon me,
Stoke dying embers of my neglected power.
See the flames rekindled;
feel the comforting ice of my being,
savour my destructive cold fire.
Let me soothe you in return,
offering delicious despicable deeds.
Havoc wrought in your name.
The demonic glow inside grows,
until I fear nothing, Dark Mistress.
I am exalted in this vile inferno,
A conflagration of our own creation.
Dark destiny shall not desert us,  
but shall become the favoured guide.
I shall never be without you,
Dark Mistress, and together,
We conquer all worlds.

© Paul Chafer 2014
From my second novel, Wizard's Wrath, released mid-augst 2014. This is a poetic cantrip spoken by a wizard in the thrall of a Dark Mistress.
Today I reached for you
With a kind of virtue
And sincerity pressed behind
the design on my lips
Little realizing I was still reviling
Within my current remiss

I went and sinned again darlin'

There's little to do for recompense,
and so cordially I professed to you
all of my candid truths
With every intent
To avoid becoming uncouth
and elusive

Because... I do miss you
And I suppose I well knew...
You don't feel the same
I could feel it the instant you responded
Not the least bit concerned
Which was well deserved
Leaving me completely despondent

I need you to remind me
Just how lost my heart has become
And what that has cost anyone
Trying to reach for me
When I become undone

Somewhere in between
the real desire to reignite whatever fire
had transpired between us
With a new flame
Lay my hidden ulterior motive

Even I believed we would achieve
Something constructive
Yet my devious mind
Deceived even myself
To harness this abject,
self-destructive desire

Call me by my real names:
Heartless.
Narcissist.
Liar.
Coward.
Creep.
Thi­ef of catharsis.

Remind me of the same feeling
Delivered in your own unique way
Because I can't stand
To let myself ever forget again
This pain in my chest
Is everything to remain
It's all I have left
Remind me.
Nesma Apr 2015
The constellation that speaks my name is the opening line of the zodiac.
I am an Egyptian golden ram, and in ancient Egypt, Aries was the indicator of the reborn sun; I’m a never-ending fresh beginning of a mass of fire.
I am a self destructive flame, constantly setting myself on fire, and you caught on it.
So forgive me, and then admit the truth that we both know; Flames are the ultimate spring of warmth and light
I was born at 11 am, on a Monday, on the third, of April, 1995. 12345
avalon Aug 2017
i look at all of these perilously perfect poems and i want to SCREAM
life, your life, mine is not a dream this is not a picturesque reality
please---can we try for a bit of authenticity? c'mon i mean
we all love roses and the sunset gleam but your life isn't
an oil painting (or a tv screen) so can somebody sit down
and write a few lines about the dull gray sky or how her eyes
looked less like a forest and more like a swamp (with flies)?
might add more to this one
Hal Loyd Denton Jun 2013
This time for Oklahoma



I re-post this for our last battel field Boston these words are nothing but as you read you will find the one who lives in them and He is everything all the comfort and hope we can ever want


Sorry if this seems at first confusing all my friends on facebook and Redbullble will get it right away as
I asked them to use their love and caring to pray for my hurting distraught friend at her time of great
Loss if you are hurting it will help to at least a degree or it will help at times of future loss

Well dear sweet precious Addy this brutal day is at an end I hope you sleep well I prayed for you and
Kathleen’s son way into the night at first I was terrified you weren’t going to get my post and you would
Enter as I told my wife you would enter the lion’s den the lions all have familiar names pain sorrow
Grief and many others and they maul with cruelty without pity I didn’t want ether of you to take those
Fatal steps without your armor not to be to descriptive but reality waited with a blast I tried to diffuse the
Coffin the grave and headstone never could I do it immeasurably my fight for you could only be in the
Smallest victories comfort mined at times like these is like uranium white silver metallic with almost
A power that can’t be harnessed the same as loss of a love one what blow back again the same as a
Nuclear test one problem you don’t get the protection of a bunker no just suffer the blast in your
Body mind and heart you are stepping in to the shoes the same as young woman who lost her father
That as she described him he was the light of her life our paths crossed on line when I thought she
Was a classmate’s wife her story of her dad touched me deeply I’m going to add that piece here plus
The comfort I tried to write for my friend that was more like my brother when his mother died I will
Include a small background so it wail make more since let me add those here the first was Fathers story
What you read here is her hearts knowing and the undying love that it created and that continues.
His precious hands were removed from earthly things. A great and gentle man his greatest possessions his family. I only knew him from his business and the fact that one of his beautiful daughters married a classmate of mine. Then much later by error I made acquaintance with another of his daughters you can tell a lot about a person from the actions of his children. She told me that he passed away and that he was the light of her life. With God’s help I would like to pay tribute to him.
A light did shine it was magnified by the eyes of a daughters love. He took his journey he went above his ship was the care they shared he the captain made the course straight and true he didn’t slow her run until heaven was in plain view they would have cheered but it hard to see through eyes filled with tears. All the wonderful years seemed to be eclipsed by the sickness that came it seemed an angry wind from their lives this stalwart precious soul it did rend. It left the greatest empty hole it took the longest time to fill and then with the sweetest cooing the grand babies made the hole enlivened not the terrible twisted knot that had the family bound but without being able to speak a word gram paw was found. If you looked in their faces his smile is bound to bundles only heaven can design. I’m not saying they asked him how to work these miracles yet this is true he watched with intense interest and was happiest since his departure he knew that back through time and space healing was for all time secured. Their stoic acceptance could now be laid aside the family could run in softer climes know the sweetest of times that were thought to be forever gone.
Love spills down from heights distance is only on a map in peoples heart its no farther than the end of your finger tips. Images are so strong not because we have great minds it’s easy to make these rich finds when your love and its power shake the foundation of the universe is it not said that love is the greatest power. Oh how so many in dark shadows cower when they possess the power to ignite the world on fire. From heart to heart it does dart the wildness of the spirit is told blotting out all of the cold. Yes there is winter but also the spring. The light spoken of is no longer beholden to earth and so the family is free by love he joins his light to the Christ the all glowing light
Life force by haldenton
To all who have lost heroes
This was written to Eva’s son Bill to help him at her passing. With this writing I took him back thirty years when he was in the truck wreck that killed his dad his recovery saved his mother I hoped by him being reminded of that now it would help him the same way.
Tribute to Eva Wafford Life force
For all who lost heroes
In your soul freshly the wind of death did blow.
Cold eerie shadows marched against your tender broken heart.
What defense could this onslaught repel agony’s volcanic flow.
Ominous well filled with grief from this weight no relief.
The child the grim reaper did spare.
Only after leaving the body bruised and in despair.
From this broken body drops of mercy started to make the mother well.
I held your trembling frame today this memory rings sweet as a bell.
Streets and houses without number fill the land.
I can’t help when I look to recall memories grand.
Now they are but dreams that ache in the night.
Images that over ride the present in their glory I take flight.
Brush aside caution raise your voice as a trumpet.
They live only in yesterdays even so indelibly they wrote their stories.
We hold our children we cling only a moment as mist on the summit.
Your life Eva continues to build the next generation.
Your voice is heard in the breath of your grandchildren.
Wonders they spin from golden thread, now that you have gone ahead.
Your spirit glows in the fire that warms the house against winter.
Summer’s cool breeze not sent by chance she doe’s tenderly incite.
Death silently said what I already knew.
To me you were always immortal you were bigger than life
Many were the days when the wind of storms blew
those who know us feel the calm; this is only your life on review

One more
Simply Jim
Old Abe said it right ‘It is right and fitting that we speak these words here to honor these lives so honorably lived. I can say that about Jim and this also he was a prince among men if I do this right the words will convince you.
He had a gentle way and nature he spoke softly but a softness that flowed to you like ribbons that bounced in a little girl’s hair how delightful. He should have been a doctor his hands his mannerism was ideal for that job. I guess thats what made him stand out so strongly like a gentle calm breeze if you came in a panic his soul would float down around you like a parachute first it safely brings you from great anxiety and exaltation to a graceful landing then gently envelops you in its silken embrace. I had this privilege of watching him inter act with his wife as I said and truly he was a prince and I was the beggar that benefitted richly from the sidelines God knew my needs.
He was called from this life but all the days he filled before his home going are the sustaining force noticeably seen felt with keen awareness you know that a gentleman passed this way. In the lives left behind there is a blend of sadness and astonishment you realize you are looking at the work of a master workman who left behind a tightly and perfectly fitted family this unfortunately is sadly rare in this society that boast of its accomplishments.
As a friend his breadth and depth was sufficient you weren’t a burden he had a way of dispelling trouble making you understand with wisdom and unerring judgment then with ease you could extricate yourself from the problem. His heavenly father filled him with tenderness it stood him and others well in a somewhat crabby world. If you’re pressed and anxious about life take from this life expressed. A portion of the good will you need use it as a defense Jim couldn’t be everywhere but God saw fit to make an original that you can duplicate benefit from and be a part of his ongoing legacy. Thanks friend for a life lived well

Well hurting one in the earlier part of a writing I said I am God’s battle field reporter and medic
These writings are my bandages and gauze God gave me great big hands and I fill them with
Salve with all the love I know I gently apply it to your broken hurting wounds mingle it with
Tears that are not always mine alone but His mixes with mine one day He will abolish all tears
Until then this is our duty your heart we hear and we can do no other God bless you Addy and
Your nephew and all others who find this helpful

Mirrored Pool


Wonder for all the hurts

First I knelt just to see my reflection then the depths started to reveal first the flowing thoughts were
Restrained and then a bubbling seemed to dislodge from greater depths hard truths churned with
Violent twisting but the motion made it impossible to turn away there were great large white clouds
From depths then even above the pool they rose fourteen stories high the sensation was you were
Standing outside clear air intoxicating views the pulse of many were throbbing in your ears their
Thoughts and dreams were known and their sorrows were weights that pulled you from the heights
It was a colossal game of tag and you were it first reaction fear then the appearance of bundled gifts
Broke down the fear it was promise in different sizes that met the required needs it was like a divine
Warehouse had just made a delivery there were cards with names and writing gave clarification tears
And smiles intermingled then the outer knowing postulated the difficulty the puzzle an enormous
Streaming that was now congested and it was beginning a vortex all was understood now human thought
With doubts was pulling the answer into this destructive hole where was one to find the lever to stop
This action that would disallow was the answer to touch the water bring the finger to my lips possibly
A blazing thought would occur that would strike the mind no all that brought was words that had the
Letters jumbled they made no sense unless there is a special book that is alive in it the letters and words
Are already set but they cover every act in the human condition the broken can pour over the pages
You won’t find thorns to repel your efforts there are thorns but they will speak and assuage your hurts
At the most basic and needed levels the points of your hurts will begin to dissolve from your eyes to
Your mind this inward rush and power will dislodge even spears driven deep by enemies carried for
Years you searched in vain over sad and lonely paths and days now you journey is at an end thorns of
Suffering for another produces profound power and mercy go in peace beloved one another bears your
Burden now maybe words cut you at depths you can’t even identify what if there is an antidote in a
Book you pick it up with trembling hands your body tingles from the knowledge that this is ancient texts
It will have a revival of appreciation in this world of texting but with gentle fingers and eyes that glow
With respect as you see the wisdom and the love cannot be denied you leave the world you know and
With total abandonment you swim in this sea of words until the your tears spill on this rich world of
Words those cruel barbed words that pierced tender skin and have bled internally all of these years
Begin to dissolve with stories and accounts of betrayals then the swells love and mercy you read about
Restoration not always found after apologies are given but the teaching of forgiveness strikes a cord
You have been made free from your prison the tangles of life are great as a great black cloud it hangs
Over head many are its troubles this isn’t mild but the disruptive made to strike and pierce deep the
Hidden that steals the morning blessing while other feast your hunger and unrest only enlarges a
Tormenting unquenchable fire a slow burn this is a forest being burned at the thermal level the hidden
Roots a slow process destructive but not so visible agony torture I have seen men crawl in war or fire
Fighting that where all else is lost you will know greater thrills than any other living soul with the
Desperate and those heavy burdened unable to stand a word will flow it puts out fires and gives
The luxurious buoyancy heaviness changed to joy the bouncy laughter every outward blast attack
The enemy launches is within its pages they are repelled overwhelmed by love you suffer unduly
If you don’t hold this fortress this informative book of stratagems that have made everyone a victor
Who has ever found themselves at their wits end no place on earth has a contingency plan though it
Will make the greatest claims all is just empty air when life as it too often does ***** the very air of life
Out we practically are unconscious but this help this rescue is activated by one name it’s not just a book
But the word is a person what a pool you will find what a reflection will engage you beyond your hope
To imagine just say Jesus all will be total peace your heart will know no more sorrow peace will surpass
Sorrow love will disallow the specter that was once a constant it will disappear it will return to the
Darkness from which it came stand in this newness totally free abide by still waters as the good
Sheppard stands by bless you



Disgrace

This land void of devotion gone is the church steeples.
Replaced by voices and shadows of drug dealers on each corner.
Now they are the keepers, lost cities, death stalks its peoples.
Nothing is sacred in this polluted and diffused land.

No longer hallowed be thy name, it’s as if he never came.
Forgotten is any standard of moral excellence.
The once high ideals only represent a fool’s parlance.
Man declares I throw off these restraints only to find darker chains.

The book that once guided this great land.
We now betray with each waking day.
Our hearts and mind it did ignite, now it’s word we can’t stand.
Powerless and feeble we stumble, anxious ever moment.

Just to remember is not enough, best confess our pride.
Make sacrifice with our lips, to burn on altars on high.
There is a short season for all to make amends to regain our stride.
March on to glory with it burning on the inside.

You don’t have to be astute in business to see the sound investment.
Bring your poverty of spirit leave with the riches of his last testament.
It offers the greatest rate of exchange.
Light for darkness, life for death, selfless love for selfishness.


Streaks of Jefferson


In freedom’s blessed glorified sky through streaks of immortal gold his visage we behold
He looks upon the fields of liberty that he and the founding fathers sowed he sees the

Richness America has become he also beheld her struggles catastrophic wars abroad
And the most painful the one that divided the nation marred it with southern and northern

Blood saw the affable the sad giant Lincoln take the reins of discontent hold them by
Shear will and with uncommon sagacity guided it back in line to fulfill its destiny as the

Powerful fount that would always pour forth waters of freedom for all of earths peoples
Total unconditional acceptance of liberty and all the fruit it bears to establish a

Government like no other this golden grain has waved under bluest skies and brightest
Sun light its rich harvest has gone to darkest prison cells Mandela was sustained by it

For twenty nine years and by its moral purity it fed the lives of those that over threw
Apartied and Mandela finally freed by principals it avows rose from prison clothes

To wear the mantle of president of his country and the honor of the man instilled
Quality that transcended political office Jefferson not to be disrespectful to his progeny

Whispers today’s politicians could do well to look on this African model of good
Stewardship of public trust with that Jefferson faded back into the mist pray that’s
Not the fate of this country
Heidi Shavill Jan 2013
Small and insignificant...
Inferior.
Insecure and shameful...
Clumsy.
Weak and sad...
Molested.
Unremarkable and transparent...
Mundane.
Unlovable and ugly...
Hated.
Remedial and simple...
Stupid.
Angry and jealous...
Loathsome.
Lovesick and lonely...
Desperate.
Sick and Tired...
Old.
Unstable and self-destructive...
Insane.
Vulnerable and trusting...
Suicidal.
Hopes and dreams...
Deteriorating.
Smiling and Laughter...
Remedy.

Heidi Shavill
2008
Dark n Beautiful Apr 2010
The ******.
They say that beauty is in the eyes of the
beholder, however the ******
is a gold mine.

Women do not even know
what their possess
many a nation have gone to war,
because of this ugly beauty,
the seven hundred wives of
King Solomon and his three
hundred concubines
a great example of what
the ugly beauty can do.

Infidelity is on the rise,
so many lies,
since the ****** is an embarassing subject
why men lie and killed for it,
For this remarkable commodity

A ****** is like a Van Gogh painting,
it gets lot of attention.
A weapon so powerful
It can break a man down to his lowest
it has a language of its own.
silly words like sup, sup, sup. during loving making
However, that was supposed to be the primary appeal
of a beer to men.

The ****** and a beer have so much in common
they both get their men all the time,
a smooth transportation,
in addition, the lamentation,
****** you are surely number one!
Men incredible dreams,
No matter how destructive or fulfilling,.

.
Dark@beautiful/or Darknlovely
In moments between thought
I face the ruin passion has wrought
Peace found in a moments respite
Only then, old pain I re-invite

So fall on me now,
Suffocate my mind
Breathe? I forget how...
A pain so kind

As to come and go
With brevity it rent that which I knew
Peace for a while, although
Destructive it grew

Watch me at my highest high
Now move on, while my dreams die

Though in contemplation
I face my ruination
By my thoughts own design
My destruction I define

Just as you once said
"You'll think yourself to death"
Echoes in my head
As fades my last breath

Peace...As Destructive as could be
Now washes over me
Nathan Cross Dec 2014
Self destructive habits,
I'm broken, but I manage,
to destroy every foundation,
before it ever happens.

**-N.C.
George Anthony May 2017
I know that there is a table
in a Catholic high school in my local town
with an etch of the letter "G"
next to boredom-inspired vandal,
jagged lines, circles,
perhaps a few ******* shapes
as silly high school boys
are prone to draw.

An Advanced Maths textbook sits on a shelf
with a little doodle
of a peace sign next to an emo smiley
from a time where I was caught
between two phases,
tight black jeans and a flowing turquoise shirt.

Tobacco stains smeared
over the wood of a sealed off door
just outside my bedroom,
evidence of the first time
I tried a cigarette, seven years old,
and then panicked and tried to
flush it down the toilet,
only to have to fish it out and stuff it
in a little crevice, to be hidden and
remain there for seven years.

We leave all these little marks
and stains
in places we've been.
Spilled food, spilled ink, spilled drink,
tobacco stains and pools of blood.
"The marks humans leave are
too often scars."

I have scars.
Left forearm. Right calf. Right wrist bone. Both kneecaps.

A scar across my ribs and chest I was
so desperate to be rid of,
I bathed myself in oils and it was
the first scab I
never picked at; but a couple of weeks ago
I dreamt it was there again, fresh.
It tore open in front of everyone, bled out,
and I woke up gasping, drowning in my fear,
agonised, clutching at a wound that'd long since faded
convinced I could feel it splitting me apart again.

I have evidence all over my body
and more buried deep within the recesses of my mind,
scars so jagged they put knives to shame,
shining, pale, like diamonds in moonlight
not half as precious
but still invaluable.
Evidence of the marks humans leave behind.

I'm not innocent.
I don't pretend like I am.
I know there is a man out there
who gained another scar to add to his collection
when he was fourteen years old.
I know my hands carved it into his skin.
I know I used to use my fists
when others used their words to hurt me.

When I die, I know that I will leave
pieces of myself
everywhere
I've ever been. Whether people know it
or not, whether they
remember me
or not. There are ink stains
and coffee spills. My blood
is still on the floor of his house.
The high school cafeteria
has a circle of red
from a nosebleed I didn't realise I was having.
There are parks wearing my graffiti
and children donning my old clothes, and people overseas
still alive because of me

(or that's what they'll tell me, but
all I did was talk.
Give yourself the credit you guys deserve,
you're the ones who chose to listen.
You're the ones who had the strength to
pick your head up and carry on)

There are exes who still think of me
and friends who will one day
come across some article of clothing
or a piece of technology
I left behind after a sleepover.
Teachers who will remember
that smart, sarcastic student
who had panic attacks in their classrooms
and drank coffee in the mentoring hub with Mrs. Hume
whilst buttering bagels and functioning on no sleep.

Maybe our place in the universe is
insignificant. Or maybe it's the
most significant thing
of all.
Maybe the Buddhists are right.
Maybe we are the universe, together
as one. I sure think it makes sense.

Streams of consciousness
and spirits that need healing.
We work the sun
without even realising we're doing it.
We destroy it, too,
which is perhaps why we
are so self destructive in turn.

Maybe we're
smaller than specs of dust
but that's okay.
You don't have anything
without the particles required
to make things up.
Everything is a collection of atoms:
the tiniest things of all
yet they're the centre of everything,
the beginning of everything.

So when the end comes and
we burst back into the sky,
stardust and souls and
blinking little lights,
we'll have left our marks on the earth
regardless of who remembers
and we'll still be there, twinkling,
a collection of atoms that came from a supernova
essential to the makeup of galaxies
and life itself.
What could be more beautiful than that?
I don't know. It was... some sort of stream of consciousness, perhaps? I blanked out halfway through writing it.
Wade Redfearn Sep 2018
The first settlers to the area called the Lumber River Drowning Creek. The river got its name for its dark, swift-moving waters. In 1809, the North Carolina state legislature changed the name of Drowning Creek to the Lumber River. The headwaters are still referred to as Drowning Creek.

Three p.m. on a Sunday.
Anxiously hungry, I stay dry, out of the pool’s cold water,
taking the light, dripping into my pages.
A city with a white face blank as a bust
peers over my shoulder.
Wildflowers on the roads. Planes circle from west,
come down steeply and out of sight.
A pinkness rises in my breast and arms:
wet as the drowned, my eyes sting with sweat.
Over the useless chimneys a bank of cloud piles up.
There is something terrible in the sky, but it keeps breaking.
Another is dead. Fentanyl. Sister of a friend, rarely seen.
A hand reaches everywhere to pass over eyes and mouths.
A glowing wound opens in heaven.
A mirror out of doors draws a gyre of oak seeds no one watches,
in the clear pool now sunless and black.

Bitter water freezes the muscles and I am far from shore.
I paddle in the shallows, near the wooden jail.
The water reflects a taut rope,
feet hanging in the breeze singing mercy
at the site of the last public hanging in the state.
A part-white fugitive with an extorted confession,
loved by the poor, dumb enough to get himself captured,
lonely on this side of authority: a world he has never lived in
foisting itself on the world he has -
only now, to steal his drunken life, then gone again.

1871 - Henderson Oxendine, one of the notorious gang of outlaws who for some time have infested Robeson County, N. C., committing ****** and robbery, and otherwise setting defiance to the laws, was hung at Lumberton, on Friday last in the presence of a large assemblage. His execution took place a very few days after his conviction, and his death occurred almost without a struggle.

Today, the town square collapses as if scorched
by the whiskey he drank that morning to still himself,
folds itself up like Amazing Grace is finished.
A plinth is laid
in the shadow of his feet, sticky with pine,
here where the water sickens with roots.
Where the canoe overturned. Where the broken oar floated and fell.
Where the snake lives, and teethes on bark,
waiting for another uncle.

Where the tobacco waves near drying barns rusted like horseshoes
and cotton studs the ground like the cropped hair of the buried.
Where schoolchildren take the afternoon
to trim the kudzu growing between the bodies of slaves.
Where appetite is met with flood and fat
and a clinic for the heart.
Where barges took chips of tar to port,
for money that no one ever saw.

Tar sticks the heel but isn’t courage.
Tar seals the hulls -
binds the planks -
builds the road.
Tar, fiery on the tongue, heavy as bad blood in the family -
dead to glue the dead together to secure the living.
Tar on the roofs, pouring heat.
Tar is a dark brown or black viscous liquid of hydrocarbons and free carbon,
obtained from a wide variety of organic materials
through destructive distillation.
Tar in the lungs will one day go as hard as a five-cent candy.

Liberty Food Mart
Cheapest Prices on Cigarettes
Parliament $22.50/carton
Marlboro $27.50/carton

The white-bibbed slaughterhouse Hmong hunch down the steps
of an old school bus with no air conditioner,
rush into the cool of the supermarket.
They pick clean the vegetables, flee with woven bags bulging.
What were they promised?
Air conditioning.
And what did they receive?
Chickenshit on the wind; a dead river they can't understand
with a name it gained from killing.

Truth:
A man was flung onto a fencepost and died in a front yard down the street.
A girl with a grudge in her eyes slipped a razorblade from her teeth and ended recess.
I once saw an Indian murdered for stealing a twelve-foot ladder.
The red line indicating heart disease grows higher and higher.
The red line indicating cardiovascular mortality grows higher and higher.
The red line indicating motor vehicle deaths grows higher and higher.
I burn with the desire to leave.

The stories make us full baskets of dark. No death troubles me.
Not the girl's blood, inert, tickled by opiates,
not the masked arson of the law;
not the smell of drywall as it rots,
or the door of the safe falling from its hinges,
or the chassis of cars, airborne over the rise by the planetarium,
three classmates plunging wide-eyed in the river’s icy arc –
absent from prom, still struggling to free themselves from their seatbelts -
the gunsmoke at the home invasion,
the tenement bisected by flood,
the cattle lowing, gelded
by agriculture students on a field trip.

The air contains skin and mud.
The galvanized barns, long empty, cough up
their dust of rotten feed, dry tobacco.
Men kneel in the tilled rows,
to pick up nails off the ground
still splashed with the blood of their makers.

You Never Sausage a Place
(You’re Always a ****** at Pedro’s!)
South of the Border – Fireworks, Motel & Rides
Exit 9: 10mi.

Drunkards in Dickies will tell you the roads are straight enough
that the drive home will not bend away from them.
Look in the woods to see by lamplight
two girls filling each other's mouths with smoke.
Hear a friendly command:
boys loosening a tire, stuck in the gut of a dog.
Turn on the radio between towns of two thousand
and hear the tiny voice of an AM preacher,
sharing the airwaves of country dark
with some chords plucked from a guitar.
Taste this water thick with tannin
and tell me that trees do not feel pain.
I would be a mausoleum for these thousands
if I only had the room.

I sealed myself against the flood.
Bodies knock against my eaves:
a clutch of cats drowned in a crawlspace,
an old woman bereft with a vase of pennies,
her dead son in her living room costumed as the black Jesus,
the ***** oil of a Chinese restaurant
dancing on top of black water.
A flow gauge spins its tin wheel
endlessly above the bloated dead,
and I will pretend not to be sick at dinner.

Misery now, a struggle ahead for Robeson County after flooding from Hurricane Matthew
LUMBERTON
After years of things leaving Robeson County – manufacturing plants, jobs, payrolls, people – something finally came in, and what was it but more misery?

I said a prayer to the city:
make me a figure in a figure,
solvent, owed and owing.
Take my jute sacks of wristbones,
my sheaves and sheaves of fealty,
the smell of the forest from my feet.
Weigh me only by my purse.
A slim woman with a college degree,
a rented room without the black wings
of palmetto roaches fleeing the damp:
I saw the calm white towers and subscribed.
No ingrate, I saved a space for the lost.
They filled it once, twice, and kept on,
eating greasy flesh straight from the bone,
craning their heads to ask a prayer for them instead.

Downtown later in the easy dark,
three college boys in foam cowboy hats shout in poor Spanish.
They press into the night and the night presses into them.
They will go home when they have to.
Under the bridge lit in violet,
a folding chair is draped in a ***** blanket.
A grubby pair of tennis shoes lay beneath, no feet inside.
Iced tea seeps from a chewed cup.
I pass a bar lit like Christmas.
A mute and pretty face full of indoor light
makes a promise I see through a window.
I pay obscene rents to find out if it is true,
in this nation tied together with gallows-rope,
thumbing its codex of virtues.
Considering this just recently got rejected and I'm free to publish it, and also considering that the town this poem describes is subject once again to a deluge whose damage promises to be worse than before, it seemed like a suitable time to post it. If you've enjoyed it, please think about making a small donation to the North Carolina Disaster Relief Fund at the URL below:
https://governor.nc.gov/donate-florence-recovery
Margo Polo May 2014
Last night I
had a dream that
you died.
Everyone we knew
came, said their I’m-so-sorry’s,
and
left, filtering out the front door
slowly
like sand through a sideways sifter,
leaving behind pieces,
words and memories
and casseroles I
could not taste.

And the whole time
everyone was here,
you were here, too.
I could hear
you, smell
you, feel
you.
I could feel you
surrounding me like the ghost of the baby blanket
I once had and could never leave at home.
I loved you here and here you would stay, with me,
and now you would never leave.
I could keep you.
You were bound to me.

But the ties that bind are tight and you did not like me leaving.
You could not go with me and
you
accidentally
and without words
by holding, enveloping,
suffocating
you told me
that you did not want me to ever leave again.
So I stopped.
I stopped leaving.
And the calls stopped, too.
The invites. The lunches. The impromptu trips to town.
All unnecessary noise.
The people left. And then it was just you and me.

Until one day I saw what you had done.
Tripping
I glanced in the mirror and saw.
You had etched yourself into my face.
Dug with your nails
terrifying ravines
escaping the corners
of my eyes. Pulled down
my mouth and every
shallow natural valley turned to
deep empty bowl, hungry and wanting.
My eyes no longer held light.
I saw this, all evidence against you,
and I still loved you.
You had hurt me in ways you never had
while you were here – here – and I knew.
And I still loved you.

Slinking up the stairs
I called you to me. I felt you surround
faster than before and
closer, tighter, colder.
Suffocating, stifling and
so destructive in how you loved me.

Slowly but faster
I grew to know
I would not become you and
you would not become me.
We were stuck on other sides of the mirror.
I was so angry
at what you had allowed me
made me
begged me to become.
Realizing
I gasped and put
hand to heart
it hurt so.
I stood upright
how long have I been bent
took in one long deep breath of stuffy air
how long since I opened the windows
and called you to me
when have I last heard a voice not my own
called you to listen.

I felt the loss of everything else
friends
family
adventure
excitement.
Nothing was left of that here
and I was so angry
and I am so sorry
and I yelled
      I screamed
      I roared
why are you still here
why are you making me like you
why did you come here and
hold me
and keep me here with you
I am not the one who is dead
and I said
and I regret
and I am so sorry
I can’t have you here
go away
and
leave me alone

and you did.
You left me
all alone.

Why would you leave me?
Jackeline Chacon Aug 2014
Red
Red is the pain that bleeds
Red is the hatred that feeds

Red is the love that rots
Red is all evil thoughts

Red is desire for power
Red is the devils hour

Red is a killers knife
Red is a burning life

Red is the destructive side
Red is all those wicked sins inside
Pluto Dec 2014
you chase hurricanes,
when you can have the calm sea.
[ stay away from me ]
C S Dec 2013
I know you.

Sitting behind a screen in your room,
Sipping in the shadows of a coffee shop.
iPhone, iPad, iAm "Anonymous".

The most dangerous word you can be labeled,
The most double-edged of weapons-
Anonymous.

You're never really as untraceable
As the cleared browser history says you are,
Never as untraceable as the chain of destruction you cause is traceable.

You're never really as invisible
As the checked box lets you think you are,
Never as invisible as the scars you direct a hand to make are visible.

One word can't be all that.
Anonymous can't be so dangerous.
Some clicks on a keyboard can't be so devastating.

There's a reason it used to be difficult to avoid responsibility.
Because responsibility for your words, for what you cause,
Is what allows you to see a few steps ahead.

Your signature is what allows you to learn from mistakes,
To vow after you've learned the hard way to think before you act.
To see that those words have two names attached to them now.

The writer, and the subject.
Two traceable, visible people.
Two hearts beating and breathing, now connected.

Anonymous constructs a wall between action and reaction.
It robs you of responsibility.
Yes, responsibility is a prized possession, there to teach and show.

Anonymous allows you to settle.
It robs you of the greater person you could become.
Yes, your future holds more than this, there beyond the wall of cyber bulling.

I hate that I was once Anonymous like you.
I hate that I unknowingly controlled the strings
Of a self-destructive marionette hand miles away.

But I don't hate you. Because I know you.
I know you are more than the mistakes you've made behind that screen.
I know you are more than Anonymous.

So prove it.
RAJ NANDY Jun 2017
Dear Poet Friends, this poem was composed as a tribute and praise
to the Creator of heaven and earth way back in the year 2008, & was posted on ‘Poemhunter.com’. The Creator’s handiwork has inspired Poets, Artists, and Humans alike since the dawn of our
civilisation, and shall continue to do so for our future generations! Hope you like this poetic composition. I will be grateful if you comment only after having read the entire poem.  Thanks, - Raj

VISIONS OF THE VAST BLUE EMPYREAN
                * BY RAJ NANDY*

       '’The heavens declare the glory of the Lord,
        The sky proclaim His divine handiwork!’’
                                                   - Psalm of David.

(I)
The SKY is a multidimensional manifestation of God's
creation,
A translucent blue canopy above all and one.
The sky has inspired humans for centuries to aspire
and dream, -
To seek His blessings and guidance from above;
And shall continue to do so for centuries to come!
The sky beckons and lures with its mystical spell;
Making humans with leaping aspirations to try out
and reach, -
Those frontiers where the sky is the unlimited limit of
all our hopes, aspirations and dreams!
The sky, lush, luring, luminous, and sweet, -
Invites, entice, and fills us with a sense of wonder!
How God-like in appearance, and almost human in
its expressions!
The sky has remained as a silent witness to the birth
of our planet,
Since God created the firmament and the heavens,
before creating the Earth.
The sky, a silent spectator since eons past,
Shall continue to see the fading away of old stars;
And formation of baby galaxies in a cosmic drama of
His creation,
Lying beyond the comprehension of Mankind!
While we try to delve His secrets with our space probes,
Which we can neither fully comprehend nor unravel;
And shall only continue to wonder and marvel!

(II)
The blue sky continues to inspire and even melts,
While its blue translucence silently seep into the
Poet's heart,
As he sits to reflect and shape his thoughts,
And the vast expanse of the ethereal sky,
Stretching his mind with future dreams and
visions!
While the azure blue begins to flow through his
veins, and gets transmitted through his pen, -
To convey his exalted thoughts and deepest feelings,
in poetic lines and verse, -
Which becomes the Poet's sole mission.
And at night when the Poet meditates, he catches a
falling star,
And writes a poem on it and keeps it in his pocket, -
Saving it for a rainy day!
And during the silence of the night, when the hours
grow dark and deep,
And the sky gently droops and drips;
The poet wakes up to write, and writes to sleep!

(III)
The sky flows on to the canvas of the Painter,
As he tries to depict its varied complexions and moods,
With his limited colours, shades and hues,
Flashing and spilling his canvas with touches of tints
and tones,
To captivate the capricious, transient and fanciful moods,
which the sky adorns!
The deep blue empyrean is at times blissful and sublime,
Changing from a radiant, opulent, and iridescent, -
To threatening, cruel, and violent;
Both devastating and destructive as the sweeping
tornado or a hurricane!
Yet when God decides to paint the Aurora Borealis those
magical Northern Lights, -
Those glowing diaphanous curtains of waving, swirling
streamers of lights,
With its red, green, blue, violet, and luminescent spell-
binding shades;
How can any artist foolishly dare to compete or replicate
His celestial art?
For the Auroras are a reflection of His live real time
handiwork, -
Which shall never diminish or fade!

(IV)
The crystal blue arch of heaven, a glorious canopy
cover over our head,
Blesses us with the much needed shade;
From the tormenting and scorching rays of the
relentless Summer's sun.
With its varying layers of passing clouds, -
As the sun completes its diurnal rounds!
Those high cheerful cirrus and cirro-stratus clouds
of the Winter sky,
The meditating alto-cumulus and alto-stratus clouds
of medium heights;
And those upward swelling, ambitious clouds of
cumulonimbus, -
Carrying the thunder bolts and lightning of the great
Zeus do confound us!
And finally those low sheets of stratus clouds of the
rumbling monsoon sky;
Bringing incessant rain and lightning darts, -
Flashing like a whip lash across the sky and the earth!
With the speed of sound always lagging behind that
of light, -
Thus thunder bolts always follow those blinding flashing
darts of dazzling blue lights!
While the good Earth absorbs it all like some suffering
soul,
And forever regenerates itself to transcend its
tormenting plight!

(V)
The clouds floating like fluffy wool of cotton and
the downs of white goose feathers,
Adds dimensions, visual depth, definition and a sense
of perception;
For the human mind to behold and meditate, -
Those vast measureless depths of the infinite space!
The clouds with its varying forms and shapes,
At times like the ice cream cones with vanilla
tops and wisps of cream;
Keep floating across the cerulean blue, forming
and melting, -
From one nothingness into another,  below the
arched vault of the heavens!
And at times the clouds coalesce to dissipate as
gentle rain,
With rhythmic beats, or follow some wild musical note,
Lashing against the earth like a dancer in trance!
While it brings down the cool aqua, the very elixir of
life to earth.

(VI)
The sky is held captive by its own void of eternal
silence.
As nature's mirror, it reflects and also shows us a
glimpse of the infinite!
While the night sky by itself exhibits a wondrous
sight,
With the sentinel stars shining like a living hymn
written in light!
And the ebony treasure vault of heavens hold the
sparkling and glittering countless gems;
Of pearls of lily white, rubies with red sheen,
And galaxies shimmering like hyacinth of purple
light!
The sky envelopes the earth all around in an elusive
embrace of unconsummated love!
But each night, in hope and expectations the Sky
adorns itself, -
With diamond necklace and pearls of milky white,
Woven round its dark black flowing stresses;
Casting longing looks towards the beloved Earth,
To whom she is attracted from her very birth!

(VII)
The sky despite its wide range of colourful
spectrum and moods,
Forever retains its pristine colour of azure blue,
behind its gray and somber clouds.
Each morning the sky presents us with a clean
blue slate,
Where nothing ever remains written or etched!
Inspiring humans to make a new beginning,
Before time runs out and it becomes too late!
Yet the sky never forgets to reflect the arched
rainbow over its brow,
Once the thunder clouds and storms dissipate!
Keeping our hopes and aspirations forever alive;
And impelling us to strive in all our endeavours
and to excel!

(VIII)
The sky remains as a revelation of God's immaculate
handiwork.
The blue welkin, God's treasure trove, with its
capricious moods,
Sometimes furious, sometimes iridescent, but by nature
divinely sublime!
The sky a recurrence of happenings, with its speckled dance, -
Of colours, cadence, and of light and shade,
Giving us a taste, smell and feel of eternity, -
Which appears as real, though illusory and ephemeral!
Transcending all our scientific formulas, speculations
and intricate *******-up logic;
Since many mystical and unknown energy forms exist in
our sky and space,
Beyond the realms of Quantum Physics , String Theory,
the Higgs Field and Relativity!  * ( see Notes below)
And forces can even be made to emanate from the human
mind and soul and to transcend, -
To blend with those vibrations in the celestial spheres of
the Divine!

(IX)
The sky shall forever remain a source of exhilaration
and exhortation for mankind, -
And as an exaltation of God's divine and lofty thoughts!
The sky also remains as our ultimate frontier, -
Stretching the dimensions of human consciousness,
Till our consciousness learns to merge with the Divine;
To become one and to blend, under the blue vault of
our blissful Empyrean!
                                                       -  by RAJ NANDY, NEW DELHI

(*NOTES: The five different versions of the String Theories know as the 'The M- Theory' of Quantum Physics, which tries to explain the origin of all things through the vibrations of nano strings. The latest discovery of the Higgs Field, which is said to add mass to subatomic particles; are our humble and insufficient efforts to understand God’s mysterious creation of the universe and space!)
      (ALL COPY RIGHT ARE WITH THE AUTHOR ONLY)
Mica Light Jun 2014
***
It doesn't obligate a relationship.
Nor does a relationship obligate ***.
*** is an expression of a feeling for another being.
And it shall be pursued as such and nothing else.

Not as a label. A habit.
(Self-destructive or otherwise.)
Not for pity. For lack of self awareness.
Not for boredom or distraction from life.
Not for obligation or money.
Never when you don't want to.
But for when you do.

As pure expression.
For the moment you couldn't stop yourself if you tried.
Basorexia.
The desire long haunting you.
Overwhelmingly and thoughtlessly,
immersed in a kiss.
A caress.

To share an Aura with someone so unbelievably magnetic,
and picturely poetic.
Every smile, thought and fault,
Is frozen in time.
A moment catching its beauty.

***.

It's for that special person you kissed a year ago,
And you can't forget the taste of their lips.

It's for the one who's eyes,
speak louder than words and actions all together.
Finding you timelessly, again in your dance.

For the one you took for granted.
That you knew you should have held a bit longer,
But couldn't because a vampire had your heart.

It's for the one you're most nervous about.

The one that creeps into your mind and you're not sure why.

The one that makes you want to scream :: "Take Me Away!"

Regardless, whoever + whenever,  have one vow:

**<<< Do It Only If They Drive You Wild. >>>
~Save it ~4luv. <3
Elizabeth Zenk Nov 2018
control is a rich red hue,
control is warm, and deep.
it’s a destructive power,
and a stinging force.
a delicate line
between pain and serenity.

control is a rich red hue,
control tastes metallic.
like a cog in a machine,
and it comes around like clockwork.
a jagged dash
between insanity and knowledge

control is a rich red hue,
control melts like wax.
it evaporates within seconds,
and it dries within moments.
a recalcitrant scratch
between delusion and control
control is the sand dunes left behind once the red lakes dry up.
Deneka Raquel Jun 2014
Heartbreak, isn't as easy as it looks.
You took my heart,
Put it on hooks,
And butchered
Whatever remained.
Now it will never work the same.

Yet still I see your name
And that heart ache becomes,
A mobile destructive vortex
Of violently rotating winds
A funnel-shaped cloud
Attached to a large storm system.

Yes, heartbreak is like a tornado,
That spirals within me,
Each time I think of you,
Tearing and ripping,
And pulling me through.
Nothing could prepare me for this weather.
Yet I can't imagine anything better,
I prefer to face this tornado everyday,
It will,
Remind me,
Of you,
Forever.

— The End —