Plaid slacks
Feather cap
Argyle socks
Flip phone
Mullet hair
Greasy hands
Crusted fingernails
White belt
Sketchy beard
Members only
Casio watch
Deck shoes
Muscle shirt
Tribal tattoo
Chest hair
Plumbers crack

You look great, Mom!

Joseph Argyle, Andrew Misseldine
Southern Utah University

Today we will be talking about advanced mathematics.
Let out your primal screams now.
It almost seems as if mathematics are a histamine to most people,
But mathematics is omnipresent in every interaction between two universes.
Mathematics is obscenity. We know it when we see it.

Mathematicians are the teenage girls in the back of a borrowed Toyota Camry
Demanding to know “what are we?”
Most people feel the tense shrug and the stiff arm of her companion.
Mathematicians feel the swagger of a braggart uncle at the watermelon-spitting contest.
Demanding more precision than everyone else at the party.
And at the same time they are the children standing up to the bully saying
“My dad can beat up your dad.”
And hoping their opponent doesn’t say “Prove it.”
They always say prove it.

There was a time where proofs were guarded in secrecy.
When braggart mathematicians,
the dogs of rival states who lusted after academic supremacy but not knowledge,
claimed they could prove things without proofs.
Where even a jot in the margins of a notebook done with enough pomp made you a god.
The mathematics eventually rebelled against loose proofs and found its true ecstasy,
Rigor.

Rigor is what separates mathematics from the beasts.
Science dictates the rules of our planet,
and daresay our entire dimension.
However, even scientists struggle with math.
Scientists view mathematicians as,
well, masochists is the wrong word.
I guess scientists acknowledge mathematicians the way most sports view cross country runners. Mathematicians relish doing the parts other scientists do as punishments.
But math is an obscenely illuminating and beautiful subject.

Mathematics needn’t be scary.

Mathematics is really the study of sets.
Sets are the piles of objects curated by the lonely.
The horde exhibits consistent rules.
Every object can be related and grouped with every other object
As can two people find some common ground.
These connections map to constellations across papers meaning more than the papers
And the time they take to construct
We are all connected.
Whether we join each other up or bend down to meet someone where they lay,
We are escaping the void of an empty set.
And the laws of mathematics steady with the same consistency all through whatever ordeal
The chef has challenged diners with today.

There are always rules, and the rules can be trusted.
In this set, joining and meeting are always the same.
They are Idempotent, meaning an operation sticks.
One and done.
Idempotency is the effective lesson which is learned exactly once and remembered forever,
Like the cat who jumps on the hot stove exactly once.

If the definition of insanity is the repetition of a single task over and over again
while expecting different results,
Idempotency is the opposite of insanity.

The human race is one huge set.
Idempotency is how we interact with other people.
It is meeting someone where they are.
We can all be a little better than we were before.
Idempotency is inviting them to raise each other up and join them in the journey.

There are beautiful girls everywhere,
Some are stupid, and won't care,
Some are there just for a day,
Some are easy, some are game,
When you reach a mature age,
You will meet one that is wise,
A girl that is fun and true,
Will not give in, will be hard to rule,
She's not looking for a night,
She's looking for a brave true knight,
Shell refuse to play your game,
With all the players she does the same,
She knows what you're after,
But she'll want forever after,
She will scold you and test you and outwit your play,
If you're looking for easy then expect a delay,
Maybe you should walk away...Hot Shot!
She is pretty, and has a brain,
She will beat you at your own game,
Not only can her beauty captivate,
She has something special, it's called class,
She knows what she wants,
She's a perfect catch,
She is rare and born of the sun,
She will burn you with her rays,
If you catch one hold on tight,
She's a star born of daylight,
Shell be the one to light your night,
But be aware, stars like these are sought by many,
Like pink argyle diamonds, worth every penny,
Their value increases, with time,
So hold on with all your might,
You're in for the ride of your life!
True love that never dies, is the sparkle in her eyes,
She is the one, and will love you for the rest of her life.

Low Altitude - Real and Intense
Last Apache - Rare
Little Angel - Pure
Lick Attack - Sloppy and Funny
Lemon Ants - Adventure Candy
Lush Argyle - Soft, Classy, Warm and Silly Looking
Lumpy Applesauce - Homestyle Goodness
Lobotomy Asylum - A Great Place To Go Crazy And Drool
Little Abner - Ahead of Our Time
Love Apparition - Dream Girl Blessed
Love Always - La